How To Stop Caring What Other People Think - Teal Swan 

“Don’t take critisism from someone you wouldnt take advice from” Don’t remember where I heard this, but it really resonated so thought I’d share

"Care for the approvals of others, and you will always be their prisoner." ~Lao Tzu

I totally agree about the highest need of humans. My first suicide attempt was at 9; after 2 more attempts I finally got help at age 26. I'm 67 now and am still learning how to live.

I stop caring when I realized it only mattered what I cared about myself. After that I've gained a confidence that can not be removed. I used to be so shy and bashful. I don't filter what I have to say anymore to make people feel comfortable either.

The less you care, the more people will like you, it's a full circle :D

I found this wonderful women three years ago. She helped me so much that first year when I was feeling so low and suppressed. I went as far as poppin in my earbuds and listening to her videos while at work (I had my sneaky ways haha). I can't thank you enough for doing all that you do and helping others in need of wisdom. Thank you so, soo much Teal! I love you!

I've listened to this woman so many times... when she says "I can assure you" the wisdom that follows is the most mind blowing truth that has been right in front of you the whole time. This woman's skill is in helping people shift perspective and understand what 'reality' isn't.

"What other people think of me...is none of my business." ~ Louise Hay

I am a perfectionist so that no one has cause to criticize me. She nailed my ass on that one

It's simple, if someones a jerk or they say assholish things to you albeit with a nice sounding voice, then that person is a jerk and harmful to you. You must learn to limit your interactions with people that make you feel like there's something wrong with you. Only associate with friends that add to your sense of self worth in a positive good feeling way. Don't trust phony smiles or people that try and act like their your friend when it obvious they have different motives.

2:00 Conditioning 3:30 Taking things personal 4:15 Needs 5:25 Sharing is Caring 7:00 Solutions 7:45 Validation 9:05 Self Validation

it's crazy, i sat with my shame, and compared to every other negative emotion i've integrated in the past, this one is the first one that gave me intense physical reactions. My whole body heated up in an extreme hot flash (embarrasment) and then i felt extremely nauseous. I felt extremely sick, I felt literally like I was dying. For the first time I literally felt like an emotion I had actually physically made me feel like I was going to die. But once i completely sat with it, wow, the relief.

...she talks to the soul

As Don Miguel Ruiz asserted, don't take the opinion of others personally. By the time someone articulates a judgment against you it has gone through endless filters created by their own perception and crap, and has nothing whatsoever to do with you. However, if you AGREE with their judgment? Then you allow them to cast a spell over you, and change who you are. SO DO NOT AGREE WITH HOW ANYONE ELSE DEFINES YOU. Only you can know this. Be who you are, as you are, in this moment. There is nothing more that is required.

"When you sense disapproval or dissatisfaction all you're sensing is your own dissatisfaction and disapproval of yourself. Most of the time you don't have any idea what the other person is thinking so the thoughts you have can only come from your own mind. When someone is disapproval of something. Ask how you are disapproval of that thing within yourself. If you are feeling defensive, it means there is a wound you are trying to defend. What would is it?"

I feel like teals videos need like a billion views her thought process could change world!!!!

I always go back to this one, thank you!

It's hard when you are an empathy because you are always acutely aware of other people's emotions.

I understand your message. Running from pain is the problem. Caring what other people think is better used as a learning experience rather than a accurate measure of your worth. Good a analysis I am happy to know im not the only one who see things this deeply.

When we damaged by parents who have no idea of the damage they have caused. If nothing is done to correct that damage one could go through life feeling broken. Teal you’re an Amazing Teacher.

2020 still watching this video.much love

My mom once told me “ when they pay ur bills, then care”

Someone told me my videos were like watching Teal Swan's grandmother, so I had to check her out. I'm impressed by her level of focus and preparation.

Our self worth is directly tied to our need for positive approval. If we get negative disapproval from others we believe that we are not worthy or good and we believe that something is wrong with us, instead of believing that something is wrong with our particular misguided action (which is actual reality). This is how our primary caregivers taught us about our self-worth. We were denied love when we did something that *they* disapproved of. Therefore who we became is the standard that our caregivers wanted us to be, and when we do something that we know they would disapprove of we really beat ourselves up. The solution is to disconnect from "the voice within" that gives us unhealthy disapproval and instead we retrain "the voice within" to be gentle, accepting, nurturing and forgiving. The new voice within asks what is the lesson that we learned from this particular action? We can respond with what we have learned, we can forgive and we can let go. We cannot change the way that others respond to our actions because they have their own voice within and it may or may not be healthy, from their caregivers or a new enlightened voice that they created for themselves. And we too have to be forgiving to them. We can't please everyone, but we can big gentle with ourselves.

What other people think of me? I do not know and even if I knew, my answer is: I think back!

Teal, I can't express here how thankful I am for your videos. Every single video fits perfect to my situation - emotionally I am a little child, but I know there is great awareness to come. You are literally saving my life with this. Sending love from frozen Germany, we need your wisdom here so bad!

Thank you. Your videos are making me a better a mother to my children. I was conscious but I am becoming even more aware about how small things I do might be programming them. Really thank you so so so so so so so so much.

The real goal isn't to care. It's to be able to listen without getting upset and try and see it from their perspective. You can't assume they know why you do things or even understand. You gotta take what others say with a grain of salt. The most valuable information you get from others is how your actions are making them feel... Maybe the situation can't be avoided... perhaps its an opportunity to figure out a better way to behave towards others. Either way it is easiest to grow when you can see yourself in an unbiased point of view... by looking at yourself like if you were looking at a friend instead of yourself. I could go on forever but while its good to share information this is not the way Teal. I honestly am getting the vibe that something darker lies behind the scenes here.

I did an exercise on the Internet a while ago and I was told to write down a letter to someone who I'm angry at. So I did it, and I put such things down like, "You should be kind with your words." Or, "Just because you're angry doesn't give you a right to be cruel." Then, instead of having a list of "You shoulds.." it turned in to "I should..." and by following this, I quickly realised what my values were. So it was more like "I should be kind with my words." So all along it was about me, and I saw the traits in other people that weren't align with me and like all of us at some point want to do, is to change how others should approach things because you don't want to accept them for them, but, you want them to be better and to realign their thinking when people have different minds and viewpoints, and realising that they are who they are and you can't change them

This process is one I’m going through. I am over. 60 and have plenty of back-life to filter through. This is a challenge I am willing to walk through and hope I can help those who are coming behind me to filter out the things I perpetuated in their lives. Thank you Teal.

I really appreciate the psychology details. I am getting my masters in psychology and absolutely love the subject. boiling things down to why I act the way I do from an evolutionary standpoint always helps me feel better and get better control over my actions.

Her voice made me relax, I noticed myself I was asleep while I listened to her

I just had a really shitty night and I appreciate you Teal Swan. You just told me exactly what I need to improve. Love you!

My mother-in-law never went to school. She was never judged, evaluated, assessed,etc. She doesn't care what other people think or say about her. I'm sure that our childhood affected us, shaped us! We looked for acceptance, love....we still do it...I think, the lower our self-esteem is the more we care what other person thinks....Thank you for a marvellous video...I love youuuuuuuuuu

This video helped me realize my own experience; in essence people who experienced severe neglect as children will become people pleasers, put others before them, always seek to connect with others and desire greatly to be wanted by others.. abandonment and or rejection will hurt deeply. Finding oneself will be very difficult, as these people will have developed their personality via positive feedback from others, causing them to continue this cycle and going deeper until one day hopefully they realize in sadness they don’t know who they are. I hope everyone has the bravery to find who they really are and to follow it always no matter what. ❤

Never really realized how much I’ve been running from myself and my pain.

Funny how after watching a video with such an insightful message about the reasons for people criticising one another that people then start spewing so much vitriol in their comments... The irony!

I used to spend so much time on worrying what other people thought it was pointless and meaningless after I read ACIM I stopped reacting. The key part to remember is that you are projecting your fear/guilt onto them and they are reflecting it back at you. Like I said its all soooo pointless

I’ve learned how to deal with my Perfectionism by Choosing Practice because “Practice Makes Progress!” There is no such thing as Perfect & that’s what many of us get hung up on. We’re so afraid if we don’t do things perfectly people will see our faults & reject or abandon us. The Truth is we’re all seeking Validation & Love! I so agree about Our Main Human Need Being directly affected by Love, Connection & Validation more than the others. We’re Social Creatures that were born to commune in Unity - hence Community! 💗🙏🏼💗

Psychology seems to be both spiritual and a science! I really enjoy what you teach and find it enlightening! Thank you Teal Swam!

I just found you, I just love you, I am so appreciative that you have the ability to be human as well as a healer. I have felt like a healer but didn't feel confident in that because I am a basket case at times. You really helped me today seeing how authentic you are and putting it all on the table. I feel more empowered today. Thank you

This is fucking deep.

I think it’s even harder when it’s close family members who judge and try to intentionally hurt you. There are really shallow people in this world and the only solution is to completely separate yourself. When it’s someone very close to you, their is a grieving process!

The beautiful Teal has been attacked by a group of deranged swamis, and other jealous folks from the New Age Contingent for what seems like years. She never hit back, or got into a squabbles with them,. and actually has come up the winner. What a gorgeous person.

I was constantly put down by my family members even when I did something good. it was an alcoholic home and I was not allowed to have feelings, and I was shamed when I had feelings or cried. To this day I can see and feel the judgments that come from my sister's. I always wanted to be closer to them but my mother favored me and they are still jealous even though my parents are deceased. like all human beings I just want to be love and accepted for who I am. I need a to self validate yet be open to others opinions. I have to keep telling myself the truth which is, is God is for me who can be against me? I am a Christian and God loves unconditionally, that's what I have always needed. I don't have to be perfect because it's not possible to be perfect anyway. I read somewhere that 50 percent of the people won't like you, 25percent don't care either way, and possibly 25 percent will like you. So maybe one in four might be someone you can click with. The Bible says if God is for you, who can be against you. God never makes junk, He loves us all. God bless everybody who will ever read this .

..."wounds from childhood",so true Teal x. Much ♥

All I know this video helped me a lot I'm not a perfect individual nor will I ever be I stumbled across teal swan on RU-vid very very recently I've watched some of her videos and honestly I think she's very educated on the things she says and while watching this video she actually helped me break some of my Truma although I don't know how to explain it thanks

I watch this video over and over, and I STILL need the reminders, but it always helps. It's so spot on with my experience.

When you said that your criticism to other people is just a reflection to how critical you are of yourself that hit me like a ton of bricks and then I realized that I am way too critical to myself.

I really appreciate you and how you explain everything.. And I love how you are not afraid to say whats on your mind

ACTUALLY good advice. I know a lot of coaches out there are trying to help, but they really only can see part of the picture. You've painted the whole thing and given us other branches to explore. Thank you for being insightful and honest.

Love and need is a primary food and you are spot on again Teal. Food and drink is secondary.

She is very inspiring. I can't belive i found her after all this time...I needed those words. I wished i could found her sooner.

the reason and logic of this video is amazing

She's eerily calm and encouraging. mysterious. But what she says makes total sense.

There is such softness, understanding and strength in you Teal. Thank you for this video

Thank you for being you. I enjoy your insight and authenticity.

I came across this vid 8 years late, and it still resonates deeply even today. Thanks Teal Swan.

This is soo true this is how i basically found myself again its all about finding what works for u in the moment that u are feeling the smallest i hope this inspires manyy

This woman is amazing. The words she speaks really gets to me on a very deep level. Overdose of empathy. Much respect.

I love your honesty and your point of view and outlook on things. Thank you for this video!

This is so liberating ! Thank you Teal

2021 and I still go back to this video and learn more and more each time. Thank you for placing this out there.

Teal help me so much ..."Validation" was the turning point in the way I was looking at myself and others ... Emotions are the bridge betwen our conscious and suconscious self ...more gardbage we remove...more conscious we are.. Thank you Teal...Love You!!!

You views and the way you express them resonate perfectly with many inner game battles I have! Thank you for providing some very useful tools which allow me to win this battle or at the very least learn so much about myself! Thank you

Beautiful thanks

I never realized how much the abuse I experienced in my childhood affected my adult life until now. How connected it all was to my self esteem and the way I react to others. I've been doing my best to help myself heal and this video is a fantastic tool to help me achieve just that.

Providing this wisdom for free is an act of selfless love Thank you so much

Thank you for existing and sharing your wisdom. ❤

If you have a strong sense of self, you don’t worry about what other people think. If you have a fragmented sense of self, you worry about everything everyone thinks. #healthyself #oneme

So raw, so real, so received! Thank you Teal for the reminders!!!❤️

This video blew my head apart. I have discovered more things about myself watching this and the heal your emotional self video tonight. I am blown away. Things are connecting and I am just amazed at how I wasn’t astute enough to understand it all along. Thank you.

It is ego that hurts. It is ego that is attacked & you feel you need to defend your self. It is ego that needs to know at what status it is currently and so it is ego that worries what other people think of you. So if there is ego - there is problem, there is no ego - there is no problem. What makes your ego grow? It is that moment when someone say that you have done great job and you feeling more special than others, it is when someone says that could not live without you and you feeling superior that other, it is that feeling that when you helped someone - you some how is better than others, more good, more wise, etc. That is when your ego is built. As more it's built, the more you need to defend it from collapsing. So what should you do? I think you know the answer. You know it, but don't want to admit it. Your ego is fighting with you. It says - hold on! Look how much you have invested in me! Look how your family, friends, colleagues, etc. values me! I am worth it! But it's not you - it's ego. It's that who causes all those problems. It is ego that don't let you go and demand to be different person to defend your fake identity. Your true self doesn't need no recognition by anyone - it's pure you - pure soul right from the source. You know this feeling also - that feeling when you forgot about your ego. When you are who you are - it is when you act appropriate to your true self - spontaneously because you know it's right thing to do not because it will be valued by others or you will feel better or if you won't do that you will feel guilt, no! Because it comes naturally from you! You know this feeling and you know it feel great. So don't built your ego, don't attach some "medals" to your self. And there will be no problem with what others think of you. P.S. There is a gypsy curse - the most worse that one can give to other - the most evil curse that only most evil enemies receive because it will hunt you all your life and be full of problems - do you know how it sounds? It is simply: "May you get arrogant!"

I Reeeeeeeeeeeaallly need to get this down, I HATE that I care about what others think 😢

She has so much information ( and facts) that is magical to listen to her . Bless you Teal . I strongly recommended her book “The Sculptor in the sky”

The answer is determining who’s causing the issue. Sometimes it’s us, often it’s them. Knowing the difference is key

Two Facts: If you Like me, I'm in Your Heart. If You Hate me, I'm in Your Mind. Remember, Freedom comes when You stop caring about what others think of You... Worry about Loving Yourself, instead of Loving the idea of Other People Loving You... No one is You... That is Your Superpower... Be Happy for this Moment, this Moment is Your Life...

You're amazing Teal ❤️ You've helped me through some of the most traumatic times of my life

Hi, I came across your channel, I am 47 years old, my childhood was bad all the way to adult life, a bad relationship which I can’t get out of, you hit a lot of points which I can connect with, which made my cry. Thank you xxxx

You have such a lovely voice. I am constantly falling asleep when listening to you. Thank you so much for all that you do xx

Denying caring what others think can harm hurt and injure the fight or flight system. I was energetically attacked at a job for 6 years. After 3 years, I had multiple duodenal and intestinal ulcers from which I will suffer the rest of my life. They bleed and I am iron deficient. I refused to admit they were hurting me. I said I did not care. But I knew I did not deserve that poor treatment. I am a fighter, and so I kept going back for 6 years. Until now, I. have panic attacks that last for days. Agoraphobia. Anxiety disorder. I can't leave my room without having a break in coherence of my emotional, physical, and mental self. I cry allot now. Because I never let myself cry before. I hope to recover to be able to work. Thank you for posting these talks. Much help. My Shamanic mentor was an early student of Alberto Villoldo. He helped me survive threes last 4 years. Namaste.

Interesting point regarding the hierarchy of needs.

You know Teal, I watched a video of you saying that you woukdnt have been so opened about your past, because of all the criticism it caused. Im glad you did. You speak for the broken. Myself included. U have changed me, and I love and thank you very much.

I really learned from early age to care so much. And hold on with dear life. But other hand taught me as I got older. It doesn’t matter why how and who think whatever. I will validate me awe….. thank you so much Teal your an amazing woman. Appreciate your videos.

hey Teal I just wanna let you know you've helped so many people in my life. of course myself, but when my friend fell into depression about breaking up, I sent him to your "how to get over a breakup" and my to my friend with social anxiety, this one. Thanks

i feel so much better

Back to this again, feeling so drained lately. Thank you Teal for helping people by your wisdom.

So clear and to the point

This is the most inspiring video Iv seen on this topic - thank you so much 💕

For every action there’s a reaction. How you think, so are you! 😎

Awesome video. Teal this is life changing for me. Your videos always just appear whenever I seek an answer from the universe. Be blessed Teal. I hold you consciousness.

I’ve been trying to understand my life and how to overcome my past and move beyond where I’ve been stuck for so long and I just found your videos. You are blessed with a gift of how to unravel and understand the mystery of life. I’m thankful I found this amazing channel. I’ve been needing to hear many of these principles for a very long time.

You're helping me change my life. Thank you so much, you magnificent soul. :* (Hugs)

The peaceful background, the slow calm voice make me feel better. Really. Thank you for motivating me once more.

Sooooo good! Just to the point! Thank you for sharing, Teal!❤❤❤❤

3 years after this first came out I am having to relearn this again. I worry too much about what people think and thought I had it in check but this has really helped me to put it in to perspective again. Thanks Teal x

Thank you. I needed to hear these words.

SUMMARY - How To Stop Caring What Other People Think - Teal Swan- Its no conscious choice to be not hurt by others we were punished by our parents in different way disapproval meant death to us as children We were personally treated as bad if we did something bad or wrong Doing something bad made us bad therefore our self esteem is essentially dependent on approval love and belonging is the highest need the prove is that people stop eating when they feel abandoned should I actually stop caring what other people think? no we shouldnt says teal Not caring seperates us from others, we deprive ourselves to see things from different perspective caring what other people think and depending our entire self concept on what other people think has to be differed 10 steps 1. acknowledge that you take everything personally, that you care what other people think, that you cant take criticism, and that you have particularly low self esteem first accept where you are to move anywhere Most people suppress worrys about caring what other people think because we think it is unacceptable Why do I care what other people think? 2. We need validation validation is comfirmation that something is sound or logical valid somebody means to say that the one is right in their percepton validation is the recogition that your thoughts and feelings are true and real to you regardless from others opinions parents who are concerned with right and wrong, aproval and disaproval are no concerned with righ and wrong validation from our parents as childs help us to to feel and express our emotions develop a secure sense of self in confidence feel more connected to our parents and have better relationships in adults if we didnt get validation from our parents its up to us to give it to ourselves to acknowledge yourself you need to valid the truth of your own internal experience dop the idea that what you experience is right or wrong to start the process of validation yourself watch: ---> emotional wake up call video for validation of emotions ---> is your mind friend or foe? video for thougts remember always that there is always a valid reason why you feel as you feel, think as you think, are as you are 3. if we are heart by someones opinion there is already a wound within us this is a perfect opportunity to integrate the wound we want to work with strong emotional reactions that vibrate at a frequency of a lack of self-worth things like intense shame things like mortification embarrassment all of these kinds of emotions are the ones that you want to pay special attention to because using them as a rope to access the original wound which is way back in your past is the perfect opportunity to solve the origin of the root of these issues in your adult life ---> how to heal the emotional body video to reintegrate the source of your lack of self esteem 4. if you care about what others think you live most likely in a state of self criticism and high perfectionism, so that noone has any reason to disapprove you we are perfectionism to avoid disapproval Stop avoiding what you try to avoid, instead sit with the feeling and incuding it become okay with being disapproved of develop a willingness to feel the pain shift your attention from what someone said or did to how you feel it's no longer about avoiding disapproval it's about being able to sit in and sit with the feelings of disapproval of those feelings arises Sensations within my body what you will find that you absolutely have the capacity to feel them the feelings only do damage when we resist them 5. anything that increases your self esteem helps you handling others people opoinion Write a list of the things you approve about yourself exclude others to make yourself the basis of your self concept pretend you are a space alien observing yourself what would he approve of you? ---> how do I discover self worth video 6. find the positive intention why you take things personally, why you take care what other people think, why you let what others think hurt you detrimental behavior keeps going because somehow it serves, helps you unconsciously what do you get out of it? somehow it serves your needs unconsciously eg. you might think that caring about others keeps you included by others To find out the positive intention find out what bad thing you think will happen or what bad thing it would men if you didnt take things personally:? dint let things hrut you werent dependent on what other people and didnt give your power away 7. recognize how critical you are towards other people Make an effort to withdraw your criticism but instead try to understand the other person is an important step to love yourself reason for being critical is often to get a sense of our own rightness You're drowning in the pain of self-doubt and self-hatred that is how you feel when you were being critical of others are those feelings draining or empowering you would you rather be right or happy? all people do things in order to meet a need ask yourself what their need might be, try to understand them and potentially meet their needs if you notice disapproval it is in fact disapproval by yourself what others think of you can only be a speculation of yours, your mind If someone is critical about you ask yourself how you on your own are critical about his thing of yourself feeling defensive means there is a wound to defend, what wound do you try to defend? whatever someone feels, thinks, or says about you, is not about you but about themselves actually its about both of you, we try to understand us and them you can use criticism to gain self awareness if ---> projection video put yourself in the other persons shoes imagine what they do, think, want and why how is what they are doing, thinking, doing really about them? change "why did he/she do are say that to me?" to "why did they say or do that to themselves?" consider their insecurities. might they be threatened by me in some way? maybe they lack social skills, perhaps they seem good when you feel bad What is the inner child of this person in need of and trying to get in this circumstance? figure out their needs, fear and hurt their actions then will make sense to you and you will see that their actions were not as much about you or something you did wrong as you think if someone is hating us its all about their pain and hurt get still if you feel offended by people to clear cradle through the hurt before you react if you feel less hurt, express your emotions, tell how you feel by his words, seek a meeting of minds, try to get clarificaton 10. meet your needs what do I need right now? ask yourself expecially when you have been wounded by someone else depriving from the pain we feel when being wounded makes us hurt even more, because we reject our own pain do the things which make you feel relief on a physical, emotional and mental level like taking a walk or eating, writing in journal, to get more clarity this is self validation in action you cant heal your wounds or stop being effected by others opinion with a magic pill everything begins with the knowledge that everything you feel is valid and ok when you are hurt Taking care of yourself when being hurt by someone makes you heal, integrate, our activity level will go down Thanks Teal

Teal, thank you very much for providing useful information! I hope you will keep making more of them

Watching this and recognising so much of what you speak of, that I've been able to input into my own philosophies and understandings and all that healing that's had to happen to become that better and healthier being.