hurtful words from my mom, waking up at 5 am, + food nightmares | Glow up Diaries Episode 13 

★ WATCH ALL OF THE GLOW UP DIARIES: bit.ly/37O0bX6 ABOUT: This is a 6 year docu-series of my coming of age story. I originally thought I would end this series after a few months but ugly truths unraveled as I went further into my glow up journey. I began recording the glow up diaries at 17 years old and finished when I turned 22 years old.

" Every morning you have two choices. Continue to sleep with your dreams, or wake up and chase them. " That hit differently.

"I never woke up when its dark outside" _cries in European Wintertime_

When she started talking about her mother telling her to stop trying I felt that. My mother is Filipina and when she grew up she didn't get to eat as much as she wanted and was also malnourished. So, whenever she sees me dieting or trying to cut back on food, she doesn't understand. And it doesn't help that my 3 sisters are skinny and my brother is muscular. When I saw her crying because of that, I felt that.

She’s actually me, I think I’ve found myself online

y’all ever realized that her camera’s battery represents her mood? love that

Alivia! My heart feels for you. I’m sorry your mom is giving you a hard time with losing weight. It’s the worst when someone else is trying to tell you how to eat, how to look and how to be healthy when you have your own journey. You’re brave for letting us see your true emotions. Food, weight, and body image are all struggles and I’ve dealt with it in the past too. Work on one thing at a time. Begin with the health in my mind and in your heart. to Accept yourself as you are now. Love your mind and your body for what it can do now. The way it looks is all temporary! Take your time.

“I never woke up when it’s dark outside” UK In winter: *wait, you have a sun?*

“Continue to sleep in your dreams or wake up and chase them” - Alivia

whenever i would eat badly for a meal and say “i’ll restart tomorrow” my mom would say “so if you get a flat tire do you go around and cut holes in the rest of your tires?” and that sticks with me constantly

When i was obese my asian family and extended family always told me to lose weight and when i lost all those weight that i must lose they told me im too skinny when im in my needed weight ( im very healthy at that time) and they told me to eat more and now i gained weight again and they start telling me again to lose weight again. Im starting my healthy lifestyle journey again wish me luck.

Her crying makes me so sad. She was really hurt at that moment

This hit me hard, because my parents never understand how I want to eat healthier.

seeing her so upset talking about her mom made me tear up:((

"It will get better" is what I learned from following you girl

i watched the movie ‘To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before’ and the main character just reminded me of you the whole movie

I literally was crying when she was talking about the stuff her mom said me too my mom would always tell me to go loose weight and get prettier i am always avoiding my mom now i feel good honestly but its so hurtful you hear you're own mom calling you ugly 😭

when she cried omg I wanted to hug her so hard

“I can’t believe myself.” Neither can I Alivia. Who eats doughnuts with a fork?

I understand, my mom always criticize me with everything too. She doesn't know it hurts you but it does. Be strong girl!!!! You're really beautiful btw.

Your whole mom moment at the end..I felt that. One of the most important people in my life who I treasure dear and beyond love is that person to me when I try to change myself for the better in any situation and it just breaks me, because they're supposed to be the one person who doesn't do that to me. And yet I also value when they call me out because I need someone to do so, but it still rips me up inside and hurts, because they don't understand even though they've tried to and are still trying.

I know you mentioned that some people ask if this series ever has a end or why its so long - But honestly, how long it’s taking because it feels realistic. As someone who also has struggled with body image and a healthy mindset and relationship with food, it’s refreshing to see someone document their journey in such a real way. A real journey towards health is long and takes so much time and is full of slip ups and is not linear at all. It’s so hard! I’m so glad you’re doing this series!

I can’t tell you how much I love this series. It’s inspired me to start my own journey and honestly these videos have changed my mindset a lot. Your advice is amazing and just seeing someone else go through those kind of ups and downs gives me more motivation to keep going because I see I’m not the only one that has them. I wish this series wouldn’t ever end but thank you for all the work you have and will continue to put in them!

The point of eating healthy is after having a cheat day you go back to eating healthy and watching what you eat, That's what my parents don't get, On Sundays I have a cheat day and eat anything I crave. That's what my parents don't understand. I don't have to eat salad every single day for every meal to be healthy. So I always get shamed and feel bad about it. And because my parents don't agree with rating healthy and "Dieting" they always judge me for eating salad and cook me unhealthy meals at lunch and force me to eat fries and bread and cheese and whatever else there is. It's just frustrating

AW girl your life is not based on food. YOU DO YOU. Do what makes you happen, stay healthy but also have some fun! love you don't cry.

“I’ve never woken up while it’s dark out” *me = cries in canadian*

when you came here to learn how to do the splits but then a few years later left knowing how to love and accept yourself and create healthy habits

When you cried, I almost cried, and I cried over this every day. And I’m literally 12 and have people judge over my weight and that I’m taller than most people...😭

Getting hurt by you're parents is a different type of hurt and a very painful one 😔

No I feel you, anytime I eat a SALAD my parents would ask me "ARE YOU ON A DIET??HOW MUCH WEIGHT DID YOU LOSE" it is hard when these people just criticize you without even knowing. IT IS HONESTLY HARD, this is NOT a diet, just let me be and happy with myself.

I wish there was someone who would be that committed to being on a healthy journey with me 😍

"I can't restrict myself forever" THIS is exactly my mindset right now and that's why I need season 2 to overcome it you've taugh me so much Alivia

Everyone: this should be a Netflix series! Me: why did she eat the donuts with a fork and knife?

“If you don’t have a post-workout skincare routine...” Implying I have a workout routine 😫

when she started crying I just wanted hug her soooooo badly 🥺❤️

12:14 - 12:25 I feel that 😔 I’m in a place on my journey where it hard to just explain it to people and having a family member not understand just makes it even harder then it already is

BRUHH SHE WENT TO SHANGHAI AND THEN HAD A SKI TRIP I- *cries in poor*

im addicted to your channel. I am currently stuck in the mindset of "Once my circumstances change, i will change." "Once i move i will be healthy and work out and wake up and stop x,y,z habits" But watching your channel gets me inspired and for a second i get a little push to try, it doesnt last but i at least go to the gym that day.

Girl go to the doctors about your heart ain’t playing around coz I know personally that can lead to something serious

hey just wanted to check up on you because you haven’t posted in 3 weeks hope you’re doing okay

We literally have the same mother😭😭 A mother that can never relate...

When I was at my lowest, struggling and so damn lost, my mom asked me: "what's wrong with you?" and that really hit me hard I guess...like it was my fault I chose to be malnourished, frail and difficult with food, but I knew she was just really concerned about me and just couldn't relate to my situation. I was sick of trying to justify why I chose to be 'healthy' and the more I tried to reason, it seemed like i was taking a step forward and a thousand steps back. It seemed like i was masking the truth and indulging in clear lies that i was fine when i really wasn't. I finally had enough, i stopped asking myself, i willed myself to stop thinking about the what ifs or the negatives, i stopped justifying exactly WHY i choose to eat the way now (i'm recovered from an almost ED, been almost 2 years now) and I just let myself be. I enjoy food to live, and I live to appreciate good food and not spend milliseconds trying to find a reason for anything, really, and i guess it takes time and patience but to all of you who are struggling in a battle with your demons, I want you to know that IT WILL and CAN get better with effort and perseverance. Love you!!

When i was your age, or maybe even younger( i was 15), I tried to look after my skin. So one day after i had applied my usual moisturizer etc i saw my mother looking at me, disdainfully she said "Why do you even bother with this stuff, you still look ugly after all the effort" Back then I had crystal clear skin. but i gave up and started hating myself. I've never been able to forget that. Since i was a child, she always remembered to mention how ugly i was in front of her friends and relatives. Now years later, after being married and having 2 kids, 10+ years with having skin/weight problems, i still get snasty sentences thrown at me whenever i am trying to get better, but nothing when i have really bad skin or weight issues. She actually can't seem to tolerate me looking (or trying to look) decent.

"I never woke up when its dark outside" me: *laughs in Russian* seriously when i wake up before school it`s dark outside every day during the most part of the year

i love how passionate she sounds when she talks about her plans for her new mindset 💜💜

Imagine someone seeing these glow up diaries and don't have to wait for an episode.

*this really struck me, as someone who has battled with their parents for most of her life. When I moved out it was so healing for my wellbeing.*

the fact that your really trying to better yourself is all that matters. living a healthy life is what i’m trying to strive for and watching your videos is helping me realize that. it’s hard asf but knowing that i’m not alone and seeing that i can relate makes me realize that i shouldn’t be so hard on myself. it’s a long journey but it feels like it will be sosoo worth it. you’re doing great! 💗

Hey Alivia - I relate so much to when your mom was giving you a hard time; my mom is Taiwanese and I’m visiting her side of the family for thanksgiving...she keeps mentioning to all my aunties how much weight I gained. Asian moms 🙄 Anyways, I appreciate your glow up video series and your willingness to be vulnerable-it’s nice to not feel alone in our journey to become healthier!

I love how open she is with us instead of trying to sweep it under the rug. Mistakes happen but we grow and learn from us. And the clip about her mom was relatable.. the people close to us don't mean harm but sometimes they don't know what's best.

Alivia hiii, I'ave dealt with your body issue for 3 and a half years and watching these videos helps me to get over it. thank you for showing your progress, You inspire and motivate me to be more healthy and happy:)

This is so raw. My appreciations for showing raw emotions online. It helps all of us although it must take courage to open up online like that.

I have same problems with my family like everyday they know I am trying to lose weight as I am chubby girl but still they say those demotivating things to me ..I feel you 😢 nobody really gets it . PS: you give me those vibes I never knew I needed ♥️

It takes a lot of courage expose yourself and your feelings on the internet

I was and am still facing a similar situation in my house, I know I can't trust anyone and nobody gives a damn, it just bothered me Soo much I stopped studying to take revenge from my parents and get their attention. I realised that even if I got average grades, they didn't give a shit, so I knew I had to figure my life out by myself. It was difficult to accept it for a year, sometimes it hits me and I feel like giving up. But after watching you deal with it, express it out, opening up about it and doing your best in life really inspires me and makes me feel like I can also deal with this utter bullshit. Don't get me wrong I'm not insulting you. Thank you for posting this video🙂🙂

"Not one, but two donuts. Gosh I can't believe myself." *So relatable.*

same, my parents gave me an eating disorder so now I'm a twenty year old who doesn't know how to eat lmao. Update: I read the comments lol. I know that its my responsibility to fix the damage and trust me im working on getting better. Also, I wont change my mind. My parents gave me an eating disorder and no, im not going to share my circumstances. I just want everyone to be aware that a lot of parents have unhealthy behaviors and children grow up thinking that it’s normal to also do those behaviors. For example, a parent can be bulimic and they probably encourage the child to also do the same. If you want to know more search up “ Bandura’s bobo doll experiment“. Anyways, I hope that those who are affected with an eating disorder seek treatment. It’s hard but it feels nice when you overcome it. Suddenly your mind is clear and the ugly voice is gone.

Can I tell y'all about my glow up story. So when I started high school, I was really chubby. My cheeks were so huge that my eyes were squinted, my tummy was really huge and bloated, my thighs were packed with fat and I was generally unhappy with my body because all my life my family and peers had been body shaming me and making me feel horrible about myself. At the end of my first HS year we went on holiday (US: vacation) at a beach resort, all I thought about was losing weight and my little sister agreed to embark on this weight loss journey coz out of the 4 daughters of our parents, we were the chubby ones. We worked up the courage to tell our parents that we wanted to lose weight and to please buy us healthy food. I remember the look of pure nonchalance and skepticism on their faces and I wanted to prove them SO wrong. The next year I started eating healthy and working out: S/O to My homegirl Cassey Ho of Blogilates for her dope home workouts. I didn't tell any of my friends because I didn't want to see them doubt me like my parents did. And our school wears uniforms so they were not able to see me losing weight because the uniforms are great at hiding everyone's body shape and form. Plus there are cake sales every friday at our school, which my friends buy from in ample quantity, which made sitting with them during our breaks really tempting. However, I had an iron will and laser focus. My friends started noticing the salads and wholewheat bread and asked me what was up and I just brushed it off by saying that I just wanted to eat a freaking salad. My little sister, however, didn't let me help her let go of junk food and constantly ate junk behind my back so she never got to lose weight. The weight loss mindset kind of just fell away for me, and after 3 weeks or a month or so I got to the point where I enjoyed healthy food. Like I didn't crave junk food anymore and the school cake sales didn't tempt me anymore. You could literally wave a slice of pizza in my face and I wouldn't even want it. After 3 months I had slimmed down quite a lot and I coincidentally had a bit of a growth spurt during this period as well, which helped lean out my body (i'm 160 cm/ 5'2'' rn so you can imagine how short and stubby I was before). And the craziest part- MY WEIGHT DIDN'T CHANGE. Anyways, I looked much better and after the term was over and the Easter holidays began, I had a KFC ice-cream (it made me very ill and gave me stomach cramps and diarrhoea which is how I learned that dairy is not my best friend). And since then I lost my healthy mindset and have fallen back into junk food. However, I eat it in moderation, and my breakfast, lunch and dinner is usually healthy with some unhealthy snacks in between. Luckily, it's very hard for my body to lose weight, but also to gain weight, so even through my binges and snacking, I haven't gained that much. And my body gains weight more in the thighs, so now I have that kinda slim thicc body and my family and peers have never called me fat again. Now they tell me I have a nice body and a legendary glow-up. I'm sorry if i sound conceited. Know that consistency and willpower is key and everything is possible. TLDR: I lost weight and maintained it, proving my family and peers wrong. Edit: thank you for the likes guys. It took about 3 months and I took progress pics every 2 weeks (I didn’t use the scale until I was done). And I’m glad I could inspire some of you 💜

I've only watched bits and pieces of your journey but you've really inspired me to become a healthier, happier version of me. From starting a workout regimen to trying to better manage my portions and recognize when I mindlessly binge. I'm not close to reaching my goal but I'm on my way and that's really keeping me going

I would love for Alivia to have a podcast someday. Honestly, I like rewatching the Glow-Up Diaries while I'm doing things to have motivation and self-reflection during this time where I feel lost and my low points. Each episode really reflects life we learn chapter by chapter.

When you started crying it actually broke my heart like you seem so fucking sweet and like such a wonderful person and seeing you cry made me so sad. Happy you're in a healthier place now

When you started crying I just bursted out in tears. I felt so much despair in your voice that it moved my heart. Damn.

I totally understand u. My family doesn't understand my hard ship. My family is kind, but they don't understand me, and they try to control me. I'm on my own path! I control what I do, no one else! I totally got u girl!!

Im so glad my parents support me a lot and that i have a good relationship with them. I can't imagine not having any of this

When you said “healthy, healthy, healthy, not weight loss, weight loss, weight loss” I couldn’t agree more. Earlier this year, I found out that my vitamin deficiencies were making me gain weight and therefore it was causing other health issues so I was told that I had to lose weight. Keep in mind that weight loss was never important to me and I’m glad because of that, instead my focus was on reaching a healthy BMI and getting a healthier body. I think this is what kids my age don’t think about=Weight loss over healthy. Not healthy over weight loss.

3:35 "Every morning you have two choices: continue to sleep with your dreams or wake up and chase them"

I love how positive you are about your failures and negative comments from your family.positive mind is so important.

i totally understand how much those words from her mom hurt her. like, i've been in that situation so many times. my mom always had ( and still have) issues with my weight cause i'm overweight than my age. and for that i had to listen so many words from her time to time which are not so pleasing. even one day she told me something hurtful about my eating time and stuffs when i just sat for dinner and didn't even get the chance to give the first bite to my food. well, it hurt, hurt so much.

I remember that time when my dad told me to "take it easy on food" because I was having 2 pancakes with a nut of butter on top for Sunday breakfast. He told me that when I was a 15 yo growing girl that was practicing swimming 6h a week and would fit in a size S. Don't always listen to your parents, they're not always speaking the truth and don't always want what's good for you.

"Sleep with your dreams, or wake up and chase them." Imma live by this. 🙏❤

This hits so close to home. I myself struggle with overeating, and then judging myself and calling myself horrible for eating 'that snack'. I too want to start a healthy relationship with food, but I know I am still mentally weak. This is the exact reason as to why I am here today, watching all of your episodes. It gives me hope, that I too can do it. It is not going to be easy, but it will certainly be worth it. Thank you for being a great example, and staying true to yourself as because of you I now can make the decision to live healthily and not criticise myself on a daily basis, as I now know I am not in this myself.

these videos are so important. you have a lot of ups and downs and you’re not afraid to show us your struggles and your journey and i respect+appreciate your videos so much.

*"You Can't Know Joy Unless You've Known Sorrow"*

holy fuck “ its not about weight loss its about being healthier” that hit different thnx a lot OMG when you started to cry i wanted to cry too because i relate so much omg

Your journey is so relatable to so many, girl. So I want to say thank you for sharing it! Although I haven’t figured everything out at 30, you remind me of myself when I was around your age... the constant struggle, the guilt... and of course the fact that what you see isn’t what everyone else sees. I remember being 119 and 5’7 and never being happy... I remember constantly thinking if I could just lose 5 more pounds then I’ll be perfect. It’s just so depressing when you’re going though it. You are a bright beautiful young woman and you’re doing such a service for so many people struggling just like you did/do. Good luck!

Hi there Alivia, I cant exactly express what Im feeling or thinking right now, but I just wanted to say thank you for these series, Ive watched two of them, and even though my problems are not the same as yours, but it lifted my spirits and motivated me, Im currently struggling with pressure of the future, what im going to do, what will happen, etc. And I just feel a reflection of the constant struggle, the constant up and down from you, somehow you made me realize that its okay to be like that, we'll just have to keep going. So thank you, much love from Indo💞

i love this girl so much, it's unbelievable :(

You are such a precious baby I just want to hug you. Also you’ve opened up my eyes to the fact that EVERYONE struggles with weight and health. Honestly if I saw you on the street I’d just assume happy naturally skinny girl. And to know that you go thru the same struggles my 210 lb ass goes thru is just comforting. Not that I want you to suffer. But just proves that we are all human battling our demons. No matter what our outsides look like ❤️

Today i was so frustrated because of wasnt losing weight even after working out and eating healthy for months now. And thats when i always go back to alivia's glow up diaries video whenever i feel low even i have watched those videos for the 10th times. And she never disappoints me on that...everytime she just motivate me with her experience good or bad and journey. Thats the trust i have build up with her videos. i feel so thankful that i found her . thankyou alivia if your watching this❤

Oh my, when you cry like that I just want to give you a big hug ❤️

“ I got in a fight with my mom” me everyday am I right boyos

I also fight with my parents often, they separated about a year ago and ever since I am the one between them and their fights, they always rant to me about each other and no matter how many times I tell them to stop pulling me into their problems, they don't listen. Thanks to you and your videos I am sure it will be better one day tho and everybody fights with their parents from time to time, thank you Alivia we will all go though it together

Alivia you are so strong. Seeing you in that emotional phase is so powerful. That particular situation in my family isn’t very prevalent but I could relate to you with that situation in my ability to communicate verbal. Thank you for sharing these experiences on the diaries.❤️❤️

I feel for you Alivia. Negative comments from family can definitely effect your positivity. “YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!”

"Every morning you have two choices: continue to sleep with your dreams or wake up and chase them"

I remember when I was like 15/16 and I had gained a lot of weight (like, A LOT) and me and my older sister were going for a swim and as soon as she saw me with my swimsuit she was like ‘what are you doing with yourself, what is this, you look horrible’ and at the time I had such a bad relationship with food, I would eat a lot or nothing at all and that made me miserable but at the time she didn’t understand it. It’s been 6 years now and I regularly go to the gym or for a run, eat healthy food and a healthy !amount! of it but then again there are days when I like to have cake or pizza and I don’t mind. Don’t be a slave to food you guys, enjoy the things you enjoy and notice how you FEEL. I have never looked better or been fitter and that is only because I feel good. You are awesome, keep going ☀️💖

Lol I had dreams that I would eat a ton of m&ms and stuff and when I woke up I actually felt better and happy because I was relieved that I didn’t actually eat all of it and I still got the “realistic pleasure” where I felt like I was eating it😂

my heart broke for you when you started crying 💔 i understand how that feels sooo much

"If you dont have a post workout skincare routine-" Me: "I dont even work out-"

Alivia is like one of the most real RU-vidr that talks about topics we all struggle with 😘❤️

Just going here to thank you! Here I am, 5 months ago I started my healthy journey, first start eating what I considered healthy for breakfast and making a bit of cardio, then eating actually more healthy in every meal but then I stopped making ejercise, and finally I started growing as a person, and realizing what I was doing to my body, at first I just want to loose weight but never checking my actual weight scared for illnesses, because most of my family have diabetes and weight stuggles, was then when I beggin excersise again, not just to be skinny or faster, I did it because I wanted to be healthy, and finally yesterday I encourage my self and check my weight and I discovered I loose 13kg and I have never being too fat, but know I in the best shape ever, now with a new me, someone who have a healthy relation with food and excersise, someone happy and with a healthy self-esteem, someone who doesn't care about other say about her, someone happy. Thanks! Thanks for make me realize! Good luck for the ones who just started, if I did it, you could totally do it. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Honestly in this quarantine I've been feeling really stressed and I'm not really being healthy until today.You motivate me a lot and encouraged me to try to become healthier and be more positive.Thank you so much for doing such hard work and inspiring us I love you :)

I wish you all the best in your journey and wherever life may decide to take you. You’re an inspiration to many including me and I’m not just talking skin-wise either (although that too).

I literally cried when she cried and I'm yet crying 😭💔

You are powerful girl! Don't let anyone stop your mission in life.

I love you so much and I respect you so much, I dont why I'm crying but when you recorded yourself crying to help us if we were struggling the same thing I felt so emotional and proud of u and I love u more, I'm with you in this journey I have the same things problems u had but I can go through anything and you reallly inspire me in everything, keep up💜😊

This series has inspired me and really changed how I view my health. I can’t thank you enough for sharing you journey and help me start mine. I struggle a lot with stress and this has really helped. Thank you Alivia.

I cannot express how much your series hits home. I am and still continue with my own health (physically and mentally) but your videos truly encourage and inspire me to keep pushing. Your videos are the reminders I need on my down days. Thank you so much for the content you provide Alivia. Love you ♡♡♡

aw man trust me all of us go through these kind of challenges and in the moment its kinda hard to believe in ourselves and to feel motivated but sis YOU CAN DO ANYTHING UR HEART DESIRES AS LONG AS YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and remember that thousands of people are cheering u on

Ur clip made me wanna cry too. Just wanna give u a hug. Love how authentic and amazing as u r.