I Don't Want My Husband To Hear This Call! 

Nix the guesswork and scrolling. We’ll connect you with investment pros we trust: bit.ly/3hc6Pgt

He's planning his exit. You need to plan yours.

The delay in her response to the question “are you safe” was heart breaking. Hope she works everything out and gets to a good place

Crazy that she purchased the house when she was single and fast forward after marriage she can barely speak in the home. Insane

As a woman, when we're in any kind of emotional, physical, or mental distress from a man, being asked "are you safe?" is the most comforting feeling in the world. Thank you Dr. John. well done!

WOW, these guys "got it" immediately. Asking whether or not she is safe is the fundamental question.

It’s got to be hard to take some of these calls. My heart goes out to this woman.

Not all mariages are salvagable or even worth saving.She doesn't need a marriage counselour, she needs a divorce lawyer

She does not want to believe her HUSBAND is abusing her

Two men, who it seems you trust more than your husband, just flat out told you your husband isn't interested anymore. These are married men who know the game. They know how other merried men operate. This is absolutely the time to take their advice.

The minute she says she doesn't want to be interrupted by her husband, both Dave and John look like something rotten passed by. They knew what was up from that moment.

I honestly love Dr John - he must be a huge asset to the Ramsey team. Keep up the good work 👍🏻💪🏻

Hearing this caller's angst breaks my heart. Praying for her and the children. 🙏🏽

I have been there! Got out after 40 years and am doing so well. Building a new home and am again the person I always was meant to be at age 76. Thank you guys for calling this out in the most important way-wish more influential people would do the same!

"Are you safe?".......... if there has to be a pause, to think before answering that, then you are not safe.

Going through a divorce right now, very similar issues to this lady. I was heartbroken when my husband left but all these secrets he’s kept are coming out now and Though it’s hard, And a whirlwind, i feel strangely free & strong to start all over again without him, living in the light!!

Girl get out!! How much longer are you going to take this? Sounds like you already know what to do. Be safe!

I love how Dave never buys the quiet little wife who is just trying to obey her husband....he gets this better than anyone I have watched..his intuition is stellar. Dave is usually spot on.

I was told by my ex before we separated, " This is my house, these are my kids,and nobody is going to want you." That confirmed my realization of who he really was all those years. Thank God I'm in a much better place 🙏

I love how direct and honest John is with her he genuinely cares for her safety as a man.

My parents have been married for 71 years, 72 in June. How? They've worked on everything together. No secrets and no surprises. It works.

Love the combo of Dave and John. Another warning sign-she’s earning 1/3 with him compared to what she was on her own, which makes her dependent on him.

He's even got her traveling in the "RV life".. so she is essentially isolated. This sounds awful.

“He doesnt contribute to our joint account” well then, its not a JOINT account then is it?

Girls, women ladies…. Don’t let it get to this point. Abuse comes in lots of forms and clearly this is a version of that. If something like this starts to happens to you set aside a fund for yourself and make a plan.

Thank God you both acted quickly and wisely on limited time.

She’s ready to get out of this mess! When you see that you have become a different person, resentment has set in! When you see you’ve become someone you don’t like, it’s time to get out!! Good luck and I hope you find your way out for you and your children! Prayers for you!

Dr. John is a star and has been a phenomenal addition to the Ramsey network.

🚩🚩🚩never go to marriage/couples counseling with an abusive partner - the survivor needs a space where they can safely express their concerns & vulnerabilities. Couples sessions can become ammo for the abuser if the survivor is being vulnerable & honest (which likely they can’t be in the first place) & the abuser can triangulate sessions & try to paint a narrative that they’re the victim.

She doesn’t need a counselor she needs a divorce lawyer

That’s a very sad situation for her…….. she really needs to sort out her self before it’s too late……pray sis

Oh man these calls always make me check myself and ask how have I been to my wife? Thanks for the great content Dave and John! God bless Heidi and her family!!! Praying things work out whatever happened!!

I just want to say, kudos to her for calling and caring. My father was an abuser and not only did my mother do nothing but she was completely codependent, sat back and watched the abuse and could not have cared less and just continued giving her power to him over and over, she also defended him. It really destroyed me in a lot of ways. So the fact that she is reaching out for help is a huge step. Good job.

Thank y'all for being so honest with her. She knew it but had to be reminded she is a person with value to remember who she was.

Get a divorce. Once he separated his income, he separated from you. He's already on the way out, he just hasn't physically left yet.

Ooof. As a father of two daughters, that was a tough one to listen to. If one of them were in an abusive relationship and feared for their or my grandkids safety, I'm not sure I could stand idly by. One question that I was wanting John or Dave to ask was "What would happen if he walked in right now and realized you were talking to us?" Forty years ago, when my young bride and I returned from our honeymoon, one of the first things we did was go to the bank and open a joint account. It's been that way ever since. I handle the finances because that is in my wheelhouse (look at my moniker). However, there were no financial secrets, we both knew where we stood at all times.

Dr John is the most perceptive person I’ve ever seen. I love watching his show and he’s a great asset to Dave. So glad Dave made the decision to add him to the team! I was not clear on this phone call that this man is the father of her children.

Thank you!!! I moved out two years ago, but I have felt very guilty about it because my husband has several degenerative diseases and he can’t take care of himself. He never raised a hand to me, but I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinions and would be verbally assaulted if I disagreed with him. I never knew the words to express how I felt like I was being abused. Thank you for giving me those words. Maybe I can forgive myself now.

The fact that she cant talk freely and the husband wont cooperate means she needs to get out of this relationship. This is unlikely to get better from what i hear. I wish her and her kids well.

Being a woman leaving this situation, it is so affirming to see how Dave and John handled this call. We need more men in the church willing to be this bold!!

She doesn't need to save her marriage. She needs a divorce lawyer.

Narcissistic abuse is what she was suffering from.

Yeaa I know this woman because I have been in a position where I felt unsafe… SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT

My wife and I are on the same page about things and I’m blessed for that. Our rule is if it’s under $100 we just buy it, between $100-300 we give a heads up. And anything more expensive we discuss

I hope she finds the strength and the support to work this through. The defeat in her voice is palpable and I hope this call gave her direction to realign her life to what she wants for herself and her kids. Lots of prayers for her.

She needs a good attorney and a good personal counselor. I don’t believe marriage counseling is safe for her in this situation.

I always wonder how the person with none of the resources (house, income, career) can acquire all of the control in a relationship.

I have been single for ten years. It makes me shake my head in disbelief when women have a go at me because ''no man wants me'' while THIS is what most of them are dealing with. It's not about ticking a box. It's about being in the same boat with somebody who got your back in the full sense of the word. I will be single indefinitely if I have to rather than be her. I hope she will find her own way away from that hideous situation she's calling a marriage.

I can't begin to tell you how many times I have listened to this. I know so many people in this exact situation but they can't see the forrest through the trees.

I got chills!!! Dr. John is amazing!

Love Dave's rants!! I've been in this situation but got out! Thank you for recognizing it because you probably saved her life if she takes your advice! I don't need anyone to complete me... I complete myself! I have more now that I'm single than I ever had when I was married twice! 🚩 If you have to call someone for advice you already know the answer... don't waste another day in that situation! God bless and good luck!

I absolutely love these guys, I cannot agree more with everything they said and this stuff is SO important. Everyone should listen to this episode over and over because there is SO much essential stuff in there. You guys are awesome! I truly hope that woman got out of her marriage, she deserves her life back. Thank you for recognizing the true issue there, wow.

Fear is a motivational tool that can be used for good or evil. Most of the time it is used for evil.

That laughter she gave off tells me there is something more to this story.

"Get somebody to walk you out of it.....AND PUT THE PHONE DOWN!* Yeppp, heard that loud and clear. Hoping she gets help very very soon.

I was in this position 25 years ago. When you are in the middle of it sometimes you don't see it - like the frog in the gradually boiling water.

Hate to hear a call like this. She sounds terrified. 😕

Well handled conversation. Good luck to the lady.

I think she should call the police before calling a marriage counselor. 👮🏻‍♂️

When they separate their finances they are prepping for divorce. She should assume that is what he is doing and prepare herself.

I had previously commented, saying they need a better way of getting Dr. D on the calls where he's most needed. Looks like they got it right today. 👍

I was there for 24 years and finally I get out of that relationship..

Oof I started crying right when he started telling her about psychological safety...so true!!!! Ugh I love this show 💔

She sounds so sweet. I really feel for her.

First thing my wife and I did when we got married was open a joint bank account. She’s on everything. All the savings accounts. The checkings. The thing I’ve had a hard time with is trying to make her budget everything out on her own and try to think ahead. I’m the thinker and planner. We’re still working on it sometimes she budgets out her checks and I’ll budget out mine. Shes awesome. She’s going to get it down eventually.

I think it's also very important to consider what each of the couple contributes physically and not just financially. My father and mother had a joint bank account with their own accounts for their own personal spending because they both had quite different hobbies, but later on in life, my father retired himself when he was in no real position to retire financially, but did so because my mother was able to keep the family financially stable. After his 'retirement', he became very useful around the house and for family and friends that needed his help. He wasn't abusive by any means; instead loving and caring. He used his hard working experience in construction, plumbing, and other handy skills to keep the house maintained until his passing. We didn't realize how much he really did until he was gone, because everything went to absolute shit when we no longer had him to handle all of the problems that arose around the house.

So he doesnt want to combine finances but forces her to make less than half what she could make by taking care of the children and the home on her own. Jesus lord mercy, get this lady out of there EDIT: Behold in the comments, folks who have never been in abusive relationships

She needed a private investigator and a divorce lawyer.

This is incredibly sensible and caring advice. Awesome job!

I enjoy this longer format and the revisiting of calls.

I love how direct they are.

It is so hard listening to stories like this. It's why I won't go to weddings anymore. I tell couples if they are still married 25 years later, I'll celebrate that, but not a wedding. It is a shame that more people don't have successful marriages. These bad marriages take away the best years of your life and you pretty much have to start all over from scratch. It is so painful for both parties and most of all, the children. They suffer the most.

She needs to see an attorney immediately

I’m so happy she called in. 💖

Emotional abuse and he's oppressing you in your own home, I would say he probably has a side kick already.

Pretty great call. I'm very used to the whole live the life of a monk and pay off your debt advice but I was pleasantly surprised they delved so deep into her personal life before even opening the discussion of money. You cannot even begin to sort out your finances until you have a solid foundation to work from and understand the cause and behaviors that led you to have these issues in the first place.

Difficult call. Hope she finds the courage to exit safely and doesn’t turn back.

Well handled by these gents.

You can hear the fear in her voice.

We're all rooting for you ma'am

I pray for the kids in this relationship. I hope they do both see a counselor and get the help that they need so they can become a more positively functioning pair. She sounded really stressed, maybe going back to work for her would help them out together as a married couple?

I never have understood separate finances. My parents were not good with money but at least they were bad together lol

Wow, I feel for that lady… and they gave her some good advice… I hope she is safe

Wow I am an even bigger fan now! I love how you both handled this situation. I was in a similar situation and I am so impressed how you both spoke up and said the things she needed to hear . Was especially important coming from Christian men.

My wife and I keep separate bank accounts. Maybe it’s laziness or something, we just never went and combined it. Not a big deal to us. Never really thought about it. All the bills come out of my acct. Food and fun stuff come out of hers. It works for us

So wish I could have talked to you guys many years ago when I got married the first time. Emotional abuse and financial abuse. ans I could see he was heading towards physical abuse. So much stuff, I'm just glad I finely got out.

Yep! Plan F was my situation. 30 years later I’m still trying to recover.

I remember when I was in an abusive relationship and my boyfriend walked in on me watching a video about domestic violence. I knew I was in trouble right away

That's the first thing I thought... he's checked out of the marriage. I've been there from the husband side...checked out, and I know the signs. She is not safe, financially, emotionally, etc. He needs a confrontation.

Lady, good luck! Sending you all my love

It's really sad that scummy people victimize the weak like that. The weak should be uplifted, not treated poorly.

My ex wasn’t physically abusive, but he was mentally & verbally abusive but I stayed in prayer, church and reading God’s Word that kept me sane and I didn’t put up with his mental & vocal abuse. He was the devil. I am so much better off without him! I deserve better!

I was waiting for her husband to walk in on her during that call and thinking the worst. Scary and sad

So she owned a house and was debt free. He moved into that house and now many years later they are in debt. And somehow his plan is working. And she is afraid for him to know that she is seeking advice on what to do about him. Women need to understand that whom they choose to marry is probably the largest financial decision that they will make. And if he is a loser with money, he is likely a loser in other immature and impulsive ways as well.

John, a great asset.

I’m on C plan cause my husband has a very demanding job. He gets $500-1000 a month if he needs it. He doesn’t always. I run the budget and pay the bills cause he just hates doing it. Debt free December 2021 finally! House is next.

My husband hid is money from me yet he wanted a joint account he thought I was that foolish lol

So many people need to see this video.

Love binge watching this show! 🫶🏻

These calls are heartbreaking. 💔