I failed to lose weight for 10 years. Here's what I learned. 

I don’t know how I ended up here but I cried the entire time. For the first time I saw someone who understands me. 😭

Doctors have suggested a nutritionist or a counselor. They just didn’t understand that people who have dieted for years could teach master classes on what people “should” do to lose weight. But no counselor I’ve ever met has been able to tell me how to stick to that without the extreme use of will power,,,, which is like a tightening elastic that always eventually snaps.

The shame I feel when I still feel hungry when everyone else at the table is done.

I joined Weight Watchers years ago, and the group leader wanted to know why I seemed so angry at the meetings. I admitted in front of the entire group that I resented that I had to watch everything that I ate. It was a constant struggle and I was so resentful and jealous of people who could eat anything and never gain an ounce. I quit the following week.

THIS IS ME! I've learned that I'm very good at planning and writing things down. It makes me feel like I'm getting something done without actually beginning

genuinely never knew other people were like this too, i thought i was alone

I am shocked that it is exactly what I go through everyday! Hearing it make me realize how exhausting it is to always being in my head, planning, debriefing my binge. Oh god I just understood why I am so tired. It requires so much energy to be in this loop! Thank you for sharing

Have you ever watched a RU-vid video and the information hit so hard that you watched it 3-4 more times just to make sure you heard it right and you heard it all??? 🙋🏼‍♀️🤯😭 THANK YOU for sharing your experience!!! This has been so impactful for me to watch.

I recently understood the reason behind constant “thinking” about food and why some people can’t mentally function without having snacks or beverages in front of them. It’s all because of low dopamine, and probably, having ADHD . Food gives a dopamine boost , that’s why a person with adhd consumes more food . Not for hunger but for dopamine.

Surrounded with narcissists in my family,who constantly want to be right,prove they are better,constant competition,undermining,criticizing, gaslighting, controlling… and me on the other side ever-hoping I will find honest human relationship with them . Food calmed me,comforted my emotions , since childhood. Always hungry, struggled a lot with weight . I realized this and accepted that they will never change. I decided to never ever argue with them ever again. My mistake was that I was also trying to change them, desperately wanting them to understand me,but they can’t. I stoped,and let it all be. I wrote it down and repeated it like a mantra,to remind myself not to get pulled in their constant controlling ways ,provocations and criticism and kept a distance more often. I feel stronger now, not hungry as before and lost around 10 kg on whole food plant based diet.I feel more peace and not playing their exhausting games any more ,not once. I keep telling them’yes,you are right’ and keep on living my life . They still provoke and just want to pull someone in their drama and wrestle but I don’t allow them to suck my energy anymore. I don’t feel that crazy hunger ever since I started doing that.

15 years (aged 42) of my weight chart looking like an ECG and running out of faith in myself, I found this video and I’m so grateful you made it. Everything resonated so hard it’s physical. Lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. As a man I don’t expect to join you and your clients, but I have a feeling you have changed my life in ways I, my wife and children will be forever grateful for. Thank you so much.

Thank you for this, it resonates so well with me. Finally after 45 years I am gradually leaving behind my poor relationship with food and myself! It’s so sad when I look back to see the impact of it all - how my whole life has been affected . Now my body is aged and I have no control over that fact - I am grateful that I’m healthy and my body has been able to withstand the abuse I put it through! I forgive myself for this and accept that I believed there to be something wrong with me when I was perfectly imperfect the whole time! To all who read this I hope you let go and find the peace within long before you are 62 ❤

As a 50 something who has struggled with weight for 30 years, you are an articulate and beautiful young woman. If I could tell my 25 year old self that I was ok, I would have saved years of heartache and depression. I’m glad you are healed. Thank you for the video

I am totally in shock. It's like you've described me ...me now... trying so hard, being desperate, failing, feeling awful. Feeling like I am losing my mind.

Oh my. I was literally going through it last night, planning to fast or eat less because I noticed it’s already April and I’m not losing weight. I prayed for God to reveal what’s really going on with me and then I see your video. This is spot on for me. I could never identify with the other eating disorders and never could fully commit or keep the weight off. I’m also anxious seeing a registered dietitian because I fear being asked to keep a food journal. It makes me so anxious because I’m not going to be honest or commit to writing it down. Also have only tracked my food in terms of dieting. 😢 I’m going to speak to a professional and get over my anxiety. thank you for telling your story. ❤

I used to be exactly like you, I completely relate; so many decades and I finally feel recovered from that binge/restrict cycle.

OMG, the writing on the calendar...and then the deleting. The isolation when feeling overweight, the shame of fluctuations. I am amzed when I find people who get it, really get it.

I can relate to so much from your video. It's very frustrating to know exactly what to do to reach your goal but still not be able to do it. Having been training for over 20 years, I do think that there has to be some strategy with nutrition if you do want to reach a certain body type. However, I feel that for me there was always an underlying issue with self-steem that I was trying to fix with my body image. What I started doing is focus on the process and not on the goal. The process is to treat my body well and be consistent with it. That naturally gave me results and made me obsess less about food. It's an ongoing journey though. A lot of people think that EDs is something that mostly women would struggle with, which is not true. Thank you for your video.

Me too, my whole life (I'm 73). Whole Food Plant Based is the only thing that has worked for me. I still eat a lot but I'm now healthy. ❤ This is the only time in my life that I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. Thank you for explaining your story.

Everything you said applied and still applies to me. I was vegan, vegetarian, keto, whole foods only/clean eating, calorie deficit. All of these, and at one point I was contemplating carnivore. It was never really about health that much as it was for losing weight, the main thing! Right now I am in a point that I don't know what to do anymore but I know that I basically hate my existence completely..

This was me for my teens and early twenties! Love your video and just wanted to share what I've learned on the subject: I've found that an enjoyable morning workout (I love dancing and uphill walking but will never do HIIT because I despise it lol), coupled with intermittent fasting is PERFECT for me. I get that intermittent fasting can feel restrictive for many but it's just what's worked for me personally - my cravings almost completely subsided and I have so much more energy and clarity during the day. Plus I actually feel full and satisfied after eating! I ensure my two meals are varied, balanced, satisfying, taste great and you best believe I do not restrict! It's so strange but I feel like the more often I eat throughout the day, the more cravings I have, so I enjoy a clean fasting period knowing I'm going to have a big, delicous, macro-balanced meal later on, always with some kind of dessert like a banana protein pancake with berries and dark chocolate. Another huge help has been realizing that having the odd day of overindulgence or even a full on binge (they still happen but so rarely now) doesn't mean its the end of the world or that you have to punish yourself the following day. Just go back to what worked for you. I feel like I enjoy food more than ever now, I just no longer obsess over it or suffer because of it. I bet I eat more volume than the average person even when intermittent fasting, and diet culture would probably say I eat too much too. Yet I'm in the best shape I've ever been in and it feels nearly effortless at this poinot. This post is not intended to convince anyone to do IF (that is just what has worked for me), but to encourage anyone struggling to find what works for you so that you can stop obsessing over food (this means eating nutritious, tasty, balanced meals that FULLY satisfy you). Screw living in a cycle of guilt and calorie counting, it's not meant to be that hard.

Is the most real, authentic and relatable video I have ever come across about life with an ED. This year is my 10th year struggling with food in some shape or form, having gone through various periods of restricting and binging. It can be so consuming and steal so much of your life away. Thank you so much for sharing. I wish anyone going through this all the strength and happiness they deserve to be free again.

i relate to what you said so much, especially when you mentioned how you didn't want to go out and do things because of your body-that was very much like me, especially during times that i'd binge and my face is all bloated. it's just sad. hearing you say that now you just allow yourself to do things you wished doing in your dream body feels like a hug from a friend. i will do that. all this mess has already taken a year of my life, i just want to break free

Your realness is so, so appreciated

Thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable and honest. This cycle is very relatable. You are a beautiful woman. Thank you. I am glad I listened to this today.

knowing how relatable you are, I cried watching this.

My goodness you have NAILED this concept. You're changing lives with these wonderful words. Thank you so much you magnificent wise soul x

Your videos have been so helpful to me. I’ve been going on years working on my relationship with food. I still struggle with thinking of food and over eating but I have learned it’s very much emotional and stress based. But my food addiction is SO MUCH better! I’m still holding onto a bit more weight than my body finds ideal but I know I’m on the right track as I’m adding more coping mechanisms to my toolbelt for stress and emotional distress. Some days I eat like a normal person! Not thinking of food except for fuel. I feel like I’ve won when I realize at the end of the day how smooth the day went.

Keep doing what you are doing, it’s important work helping lots of people

I just hope you know the good you're doing! You are changing lives... including mine. I'm so glad I'm not alone. Thank you for restoring my hope!

this video literally hit home. I thought something was wrong with me for having all those cravings and binge eating day and night not knowing when to stop and how to stop. i knew in my head i was full but i kept eating, this kept happening nonstop. and literally the next day i try to start a new weight loss journey with a fresh plan. it literally felt like a viscous cycle and i didn’t know how to get out of it. i was desperate to lose all that weight but all i could do was cry about how i couldn’t do it, how i didn’t have enough willpower. i cried throughout the vid. thank you for talking about your journey. 💗

"4. having any remote chance or believing there's any remote chance that there is a way for us to achieve our 'perfect body' through dieting and controlling and restraining food". THIS-- I was just thinking as I watched the video, if I knew for a fact that it was impossible for me to change my body from how it is now, that I would have to live as I am for the rest of my life, I would probably be able to let go and accept it, because I wouldn't have any choice. But thinking that it is possible and doable for me to control how I look makes me feel that I have a responsibility towards that and that letting go is choosing mediocrity and giving up on my hopes for a happy life.

wow, i'm only 6 minutes in and this is already the most relatable weight loss/weight journey video i've ever seen in my life. knowing more abt weight loss than anyone else, struggling for 10 years despite that, gradually gaining more weight, constantly making and failing plans, recording videos lecturing myself, gradually getting worse at sticking to plans (except i was never really able to stick to it for months, only one time in quarantine, before and after that it's only been days) , the feeling of unfairness when you center weight loss in your life but still struggle. you're a mirror of me. the only thing is i don't experience full-on binge-eating, just compulsive eating/snacking which i largely attribute to my adhd, and the calories always add up throughout the day.

Wow. My journey has been very different to yours. Up until my late thirties I had a slim figure, stable bodyweight, sensible appetite, and a very active lifestyle. Then I became disabled. No exercise, gut problems that actually do hurt less if I keep my intestine full, and a budget that accommodates filling up on empty cereals a lot better than filling up on anything with actual nutritional value. I don't look particularly large compared to other women my age because I still have that lightweight bone structure, but when I see my body in the mirror I hate what I see. There's 30kg there that wasn't there a decade ago, and I don't want it! I don't know how to get back to there from here. I don't think my problem is the same as yours was. But thank you for reminding me that there are pathways to health, even if I can't see mine right now.

I somehow got rid of the bingeing but I've kinda given up on having my dream body even though I want it so badly. I can never seem to commit myself. I use food to comfort myself. I hate it so much. I want to be fit like I was 5 years ago.

It's insane how much i relate to what you're talking about. From eating more at 7 yrs old and even stealing food to the way that diets would work for a while and then failing.

thank you

I really need this, even though I had no idea THIS is my problem. Thank you for sharing and paying it forward!

Sooooo on point, you’ve articulated this so well. This is my story. Great video 🎉

This was exactly me for so many years! I am currently in the process of healing my relationship with food but it's a very long road. Thank you for this video.

I found your channel a month back, and I cried a lot knowing how much I suffered not knowing that I had an eating disorder. I suffer from emotional eating disorder and it’s all thanks to u that I was able to gain some insight on this. I’m just starting my journey and struggle a lot but I know I’ll reach that healthy relationship with food someday. I appreciate you so much,thank you ❤

I could see the pain in your eyes while you talked about losing control and losing faith in yourself. Binge eating is extremely difficult and takes over our whole life. Sending you strength and love ❤

I’m really happy for you that you overcame that struggle. I really relate to your story so much.

It felt like you summed uo everything ive experience and felt and wasnt able to explain to anyone. It thought i has somewhat rare mental issue but hearing you relating to word to word make me feel so relieved and unburdened i cant explain. Thank u for making this 💓

The most relatable video on so many levels. You are so right, it takes acceptance and courage to admit that it’s not about methods and programs but all about our relationship with ourselves and food ❤❤❤

I appreciate so much the way your content comforts those who are going through this 💜💜

By far the best video I have EVER seen / heard on what it is like to be obsessed with food. It was when you said it started at 7. Same here.

Incredible video. I was thinking about even two years ago, when I felt so frustrated and desperate to lose weight, and I was probably a couple pounds less than I am now. I was convinced if I could change my body, I’d be happy (and this was by no means the first time, because I spent years restricting). I’d just moved to a new city and I felt out of control with my habits. I realize now that what I actually wanted was STABILITY and CALM. I wanted to feel okay in my skin. Now I know that having a good relationship with food and my body is what truly helps me feel that way. And ultimately my obsession with weight loss and how I looked just led to more binge behaviours, and pushed me farther away both from bodily respect, and even the ‘look’ I wanted. I’ve taken that ‘look’ off the table now because I know the reality of it for me. I’m not super slim, I’ve always had a medium sized build and strong legs, and that is the most realistic version of me.

I'm 40 and so thankful this video has come across my path. It's definitely the pattern I've been in for way too many years. Do I wish it came 10 years ago, yes...lol But divine timing I guess. Thank you for sharing.

this video - I can’t believe we’ve gone through not only the same journey but almost same thoughts word by word. Just crazy. And relieving we are never alone in whatever we are going through.

Thank you for that completely honest video. So many people struggle with this. I just know I gain weight when I am not happy in life. It's hard. It's a mental health problem. At 60 its much harder to make new connections. We have moved way to much for my husband's job. I have to work hard at making new connections and finding what makes me happy and content. The more I have a full life the more I don't obsess about food.

What an amazing video. Pure gold in here. Doesnt apply to just eating either. Never had any problems with food myself, but I see so many parallels with other stuff people deal with.

This is excellent information, so glad you got the opportunity to learn this. ❤ Thanks!

Omg your story is reflecting my problem right now! Even to the detail of researching everything and knowing everything about health and fitness in amazing detail, but no matter how hard I try, I end up self sabotaging and going straight back......I even manage to loose 4 stone and I was really happy, but since the covid lockdowns, I completely lost my momentum and I've just been on an endless cycle. I find it the hardest when I follow Calories strictly, but then I don't see enough progress on the scale and I end up rage quitting, or I get sick, or some family drama happens, and I end throwing in the towel. Like I do really well and everything is great as long as nothing else goes wrong in my life and then I find it really hard to keep it together

Thank you for sharing such a relatable and much needed perspective! this is how i have felt for years, and probably many others too :)

What you describe as your experience is exactly what I went through... I have never heard another person explain, out loud, going through exactly what I did in such a detailed way..😢🤗🤗🤗

Randomly cached this video and 13 minutes I was crying like a baby because all story about me… I’m on my way to find my balance with nutrition, have a steady healthy appetite, not obsessed with food as I was, do some progress but still overeat “healthy“ nutritionally rich food. Wanna manage it.

I'm very happy for you to have found what works so well for you!❤ I'm a mostly healthy-ish eater who never had a weight or food issue my whole life until 5 yrs ago when I hit menopause..... now at 55, no matter what I choose to eat or how I workout, the weight never comes off, only adds up. 😢But I have full faith I'm gonna get there!!!

So relatable, thankyou for sharing ❤

I literally feel like you just read a script for a movie about my life 😳. This is unbelievably relatable. Thank you ♥️

Thank You for such a truthful video, I am so happy, you are healthy and happy and so grateful that you want to help people and do! Thank you for all you are ❤

I so relate to your video. I’m so glad the algorithm suggested your video to me. Everything you talk about is absolutely true. It’s so inspiring to hear you talk about letting go of these control issues. It’s definitely taken over my life. I just want to live and not feeling trapped in this endless cycle, just live and exercise for the fun of it or eat food and just feel satisfied.

I watched the lesson and this is it! This is me! I have to have a normal and healthy relationship with food. I'm tired of all the dieting and constantly thinking about food. But I'm also to scared to book in a call because English is difficult for me. I'm dutch and I can understand most of it but talking is something else. Writing is better because I can use a translator. And after watching the lesson I still don't know how to use the method. I have to think about this.

finally, a video and person i can relate to... you put the words so well and explained everything so easily, this is a video i would show my family/close friends so maybe they could understand me

Thank you for such honesty, this video has helped more than you know

I truly admire your honesty and vulnerability - this is such a taboo subject and by posting this you will have helped so many people

I’m very happy to have found you! I’ve watched the intro video and would love to book a call but you don’t have any availability atm. I’ll keep checking back to see if any free slots come up. I really hope I can book a call because everything you say is ringing true

What a beautiful and brave share. You touch everyone who hears you in a lifesaving way. You are more powerful than you will ever know.

THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO I HAVE EVER SEEN😭😭😭 i didn’t know there was anyone feeling the same as me and that there was anyone that could explain it SO GOOD as you ❤ lots of love and THANKYOU FROM MY HEART!!!

Damn, this is very informative and well presented. Thank you for helping people, you're doing a good thing.

Omg its me. Thanks for sharing because it is so encouraging

i have never felt so identified in my life, i used to think i was kind of sick, that it was something that only happened to me. thank you so much

WOW! This completely resonates with me. I’m going to have a look at your website now. Thank you 🙏🧡

I so relate to this. 😢. It has been miserable. I lost 96 lbs but over the last year or 2 it has crept up, nearly 20 lbs now. I’m obsessed with trying to lose weight, starving, exercising, giving up, then eating everything because I’m so tired of this ride. Never have I gotten back to the previous weight. I’m hearing myself in your story. Thank you for this video!

Thank you. I recognize myself in this, in some ways worse, in some ways not as severe. But I do think that a healthy relationship with food starts with a healthy relationship with ourselves. I’m not ready yet. I still have the goals of the “perfect, in shape” body and a specific weight loss goal. But your words have given me tools and hope and a new perspective. I have saved your video. Thank you❤

I have never felt more seen about what I’m going through with eating. I really learned a lot from this

Ever since I was a kid I was obsessed with food, but since I had a fast working metabolism, it was never taken seriously. My whole family would even joke about my food obsession. But now I am an adult with a slowing metabolism, learning that my relationship with food has always been toxic. So I'm thankful to come across this video! Sending so much love to others who relate

This is a must watch for everyone who want to live „healthy“. This is so important

By you sharing this I feel so understood ❤.

So much of this was just “oh my god that’s me!” I have genuinely never felt seen the way this video made me feel seen… I just hope one day I am able to heal my relationship with food and reach the point you’re at now.

It is so relatable... All my adulthood I am constantly on a diet / overeating. I'm gaining weight, I'm loosing weight. One year I am really strong, -10/15kg throught all the year, I'm happy for 2, 3 months and I'm gaining all it in the next year. From S/M to L/XL. I lose weight, everyone congratulates me, I'm so proud of myself, and then something inside me breaks and I start overeating for weeks... Maintain weight loss is the most difficult, being on a diet - not really.

Thank you for expressing your story

So we’ll said! I have reached this same point as you and I think a lot of it was due to learning about nutrition. Not dieting, just nutrition and how our bodies process what goes into our bodies. My body has not dropped the 15 pounds I wished it would, as it has for you but reaching my 30s and seeing my body get older, my priorities shifted to just being healthy, and I know my body is much happier with more protein and muscle than the deprivation I was giving it before. Thank you for getting the word out to many young men and women who just need the life experience to have a clearer vision.

Very helpful. Thank you for this. I have the same struggle

I'm binge eating daily..wow I'm sat crying here everything your saying is me and my life with food I wish I didn't have to eat I'm 53 and its still my enemy 😢

Thank you so much for this video ❤

Wow I'm actually blown away. I really relate to everything you've said, you're just maybe a couple steps ahead of me in healing your relationship to food. I don't mean that comparatively, I mean more that you're able to articulate things I'm only just starting to sense. Like I'm in the middle of my perspective transitioning from desperately trying to control my food / lose weight BEFORE and SO THAT I can achieve all the other things I want (like all the things. Every single goal I have, losing weight must precede). After personal experience myself, I'm realizing this might literally not be a possibility for me. And what does that mean moving forward. Do I really need/ want that "dream body" that much? Or do I just want all the things I *attach* to that dream body-- true love, a confident, vibrant version of myself, who operates from her own inner compass, and all the career and creative goals that come along with that embodiment. It's so much easier said than done, and I really feel like there's a mourning period for those of us who have dedicated, "lost" years of our youth to the pursuit of an impossible body. It's fucked up stuff y'all, all those messages we get about how we're not quite good enough. Thank you for this video! It is lovely lovely lovely work you're doing!

This is one of the best videos I have ever identified with, in terms of the mindset and decision making process I was compelled to put myself through for over 40 years. I am fortunate to have found my way through the roller coaster existence of having absolutely no control over my thinking regarding my self and in using food to cope with my feelings. I was able to heal, and to establish a healthy weight and mindset. You can do it, too! Listen to what Rachael is describing as her journey - and ask yourself if you want to make peace with yourself, and then have peace with food as a result. Take the amazing resolve and self-discipline you’ve used in the fruitless pursuit of the perfect body image, and put that same energy into learning to love yourself and to treat yourself with kindness! Be thankful for this reminder of how far you can come, when you realize how unhappy you are, and how you don’t have to live such a secret, unhappy existence. If you see yourself in her story, take the opportunity to try something radically different from what you’re used to; you have nothing to lose and everything good to gain! ❤

This is so beyond relatable!!!

This soooo RELATABLE! Constant thought about food and exercise, what I have eaten (all tracked in a note pad for each meal for YEARsssss) how many days of eating clean, till I can have a salty and sweet treat meal💕thankfully I’ve allowed my self that, but it’s still obsessive food thinking, my note pad is full of this food stuff. Thankfully I don’t weigh my self currently, but my ED (orthorexia) has taken over my life.

It's almost word for word what I went through with my relationship to my weight and food. I called it a food addiction back then - or an obsession. After trying everything my whole life to lose weight, one day I gave up and said "I guess I should start accepting and appreciating my body as it is". After that it felt like the weight went away on its own. I started eating better without even trying. I've also become one of "those people" who can eat without thinking about it and I've been the same weight for 10 years now. It's amazing to hear other people going through exactly the same thing. It has been one of the biggest revelations in my life.

Ok so I had to come back and finish the video and it's actually so sad how many things I'm restricting outside of food. Like im literally saying "ill go to the gym when I'm x weight" and ugh the way I just cringed realizing how many things I don't do because I'm overweight.

Thank you so much for you video, you are helping me so much to cope with it! Thank you! It really feels like you are just saying my thoughts, it’s is even scary to listen to eat because it’s exactly how I have lived and felt. So again thank you

Oh god! It sounds so relatable. I feel like it’s literally my words

Thank you, I have struggled with body image since my teenage years, I used to binge eat as a kid up until my adult years, with brief periods of extreme calorie restriction that bordered on anorexia (aiming for less than 1200 calories a day, weak, unable to exercise, unstable moods) and then as an adult I've done keto, paleo, whole30 and the restriction always eventually backfires and makes my relationship with food worse. Now as a mother I weigh the most I ever have but I'm struggling to lose weight in a healthy way because I don't want my kids to see and learn that from me. My husband and friends have started recommending calorie restriction or diets and they dont understand why I absolutely refuse to let myself go down that path again but I'm so afraid of the binging and uncontrollable cravings and sneaking food that comes afterwards

Great video, thanks. Many foods seem addictive, easily abused. 'Morishness' is costing people their health. But people who like food too much can change their attitudes and behaviours. There is hope, leading to life-long change and satisfaction. I'm on that path since last August. Courage to everyone wanting to get in shape.

just the beginning of the video just made me feel heard. ive been consumed with the idea of weight loss and my eating habits for so long. always collecting information, making new plans and restarting at the beginning of every month just to complete explode over foods when my motivation and ambition die down. it was a never ending cycle

❤❤❤you are great in expressing what i couldn't

You honestly spoke to my soul. Coming across this video was an act of God.

Thank you so much for this video 💛 And I just wanted to say that you’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen and you’re such an amazing and strong person. Lots of love to you 💛💛💛