I Was an Elder 

That’s very kind of you. Thank you for taking the time to watch!

So I wrote this comment when I wasn’t done watching. This is just incredible. Thank you for making something so beautiful. Also please please please make a playlist of the soundtrack ❤️❤️❤️

@@allzeenamesaretaken thanks man. I’m on Apple Music if you want to follow me there, and I have made a playlist with music from and inspired by my film. Appreciate you watching 💗 I’ll gladly accept that Moroni statuette LOL

As an active Latter-day Saint I also love that idea 💡 😂

This means everything to me. Thank you, sincerely. 💗

Leaving the church is very lonely and depressing. I wish there was a support group for me when I did. Let’s stand strong together! Life is still beautiful without the afterlife

@@joshyyekonsire1 it’s always comforting to hear from people who get it. Sending you love and gratitude for your kind words.

Thank you very much for sharing a little of your experience with me. It all has the ring of truth to me, and I know how painful it can be not only to subsume yourself and subvert your identity for the sake of others, but to then struggle to find a community after you come out. I hope you are in a good place now, and I am humbled and honored that my piece could help you feel seen in even a small way. Sending you love 🏳️‍🌈💗

@@jordancurrier3077 I am lucky to be in a good place with a wealth of many types of love ❤️ wishing you all the best.

Your story rings true to me. While I am a never-Mormon, I did grow up in a high-demand Christian cult, and much like you, I fervently believed and worked for my salvation and that of others. In my mid-20's, I finally made my escape good after having spent a few years in the Marines. Yet, even with questions, I persisted in my faith for at least another decade. However, the questions continued to mount and when I could not find God or His answers to my pain-filled cries in my deepest and darkest hours, I finally began the painful journey of walking away. I'm not sure where to actually identify the point of deconversion, but it was probably somewhere in my early 40's, and I have since allowed myself to flourish and find myself as Jordan describes. Yet, I still have moments where I wish my faith had been true. I am in the process of trying to find community, as I have lost nearly everyone in my life. I am thankful that my father still loves and accepts me, and I believe that my mother still loves me the best she can - though with the fear of eternal damnation, but I have lost friends, siblings, and a spouse in the process. Now, as I try to find myself and live authentically, I am also trying to build a new life and find that community that we all need so badly. I feel more free than I ever have, I do not feel the weight of sin, or the guilt of not being good enough, nor the fear of eternal hell. I feel joy in being who I am, and loving others in who they are.

@@caseytaylor1487 Hi, Casey. Thank you very much for sharing your story. I know that’s not always easy to do, but I’m blown away by the dialogue my film has opened up here with so many people - gay or straight, religious or non - and I’m deeply moved and gratified. It sounds like you’ve been on a hell of a difficult journey, but it makes me happy to hear that you’re in a better place now. It hurts me to hear that it came at the cost of so many relationships in your life. I’ve learned that if people who were once close to me couldn’t respect my choices or my authentic self, then they weren’t worthy of being in my life at all. I respect and admire you so much. And, of course, I am grateful for your service to the nation. Sending love and respect 💗

@@jordancurrier3077 Thank you, Jordan. I finally came out as bi to my girlfriend earlier this year, and it has been wonderful to be accepted and celebrated by her as I try to learn and explore this part of me that I am only just learning to accept for myself. It was wonderful to finally admit to myself that I can like men and not feel the weight of damnation, and to understand and recognized that there's actually nothing wrong with that and it's actually completely natural and normal. I loved hearing your story of how you came to embrace your own sexuality, and I loved the callbacks to having your wedding on the beach, to traveling even farther than you had on mission, and to finally plant your toes in the forbidden sand. ❤

I can relate to everything you’re saying. It begins with realizing that the LDS church isn’t “perfect”, that it’s not “the only true church of Jesus Christ on the face of the earth”, but decoupling ourselves from those deeply-engrained beliefs is a long and painful process that involves letting go of lots and lots of guilt. I hope you’re in a good place now, and I really appreciate you taking the time to watch my film and to share your thoughts. It helps to know that I’m not alone. 💞

You expressed that cacophony of emotions far better than I ever could. Thank you. And thanks so much for much for watching. That journal scene was fuckin HARD: I hadn’t read those journals in 20 years, so unearthing them AND recording pieces of those entries for the voice over felt like, I don’t know, immersion therapy or something. It was difficult, but ultimately cathartic.

Thank you very much. So incredibly kind of you to say. 💗

@@jordancurrier3077 I have been crying through it, I want to hug you while watching this. No one should ever have to chose between faith and self. This is the most beautiful depiction of what it means to deconstruct for those of us who have never experienced it. I thank you for sharing this, you are a special human who deserves love and acceptance always.

@@kellymurphy486 XOXOXO

@@kellymurphy486 and the same to you, friend. Your kindness is much appreciated and frankly much-needed. I came *this close* to not publicly releasing this.

Thank you! Happy Pride 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🎉

That’s very kind of you to say. I’m so grateful you took the time to watch. 💗

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

Thanks, Sally. Big hugs 💗💗💗

Thanks for being open-minded enough to watch this!

Please share the link in your ward. ❤

❤❤

I’m glad you had the courage and took the time to watch this movie. Many members of the church will miss a beautiful story of truth.

Thanks man. The battle for views is real. If I can even find a small audience of people who get my unusual style then I’ll be happy.

I really appreciate what you said. I definitely knew there was a universality to my experience that any former missionary, gay or straight, could relate to. I truly hope that you’ve been able to find some peace in your life. Sharing my journal entries was not an easy decision to make - and I hadn’t read them (for good reason) in two decades. I had forgotten how depressed I had been throughout the experience. I still dream about it to this day: being forced to go back into missionary service, in spite of who I am today, is a recurring nightmare I have. It feels almost like a prison sentence. Obviously I *chose* to serve a mission, and in many respects I’m glad I did. But the church tacitly encourages its members to deny their true feelings and put on a performance, and that’s no way to live.

Thanks, friend. Appreciate the kindness 💗

Thank you for watching!

@@abbyeh1 Thank you very, very much. That means so much. 💗💗

Hey thanks man, I really appreciate that so much. And glad you dig the music I curated!

I am humbled by your words and I thank you very much. I’m glad you got to see this too! I definitely feel less alone after reading so many generous comments from people who understand my intent with making this. Sending you love 💕

Ps. I hope to see you on Cults to Consciousness in the future.

My sincerest thanks! I can’t tell you how humbled I am by what you said. Hugs 💗

@@PiskeyFaeri never heard of this! Tell me more…

@@jordancurrier3077 oh! It's a podcast by an ex-Mormon, where she interviews and discusses high demand religion. Have a look on RU-vid, I think you might find it interesting. Very similar to Mormon Stories (John Dehlin). Depending on your music tastes, you may also want to look up Tyler Glenn's album Excommunication. The song Midnight is incredibly powerful (especially the music video), but I'm very fond of the entire album.

@@jordancurrier3077 hmm, I wrote a reply but I think my app ate it. Please let me know if you didn't see it and I'll retype - and if you deleted it for other reasons, that's entire okay too, obviously.

Hi, Larry. Thanks so much for your gracious words, and for watching my film. It’s really amazing to hear that my story resonates with you, and I too hope that others can watch this and feel seen. That’s why I make art: to feel less alone. 💗🏳️‍🌈

Thank you so much, Pedro. I feel very gratified to hear that my film spoke to you. 💗

@@birgittetange6411 thank you, and hugs to you as well. I was just in Denmark doing some filming! Copenhagen is absolutely wonderful!

@@nathanchasse8189 thanks for watching! It was super fun curating all these songs. Love and respect to all those artists.

@@windigo44 your graciousness is so appreciated. All I have ever strived to make is art, as lofty as that may sound. I know that art by definition will be interpreted differently from one person to the next, but I am pleased that my work here resonates with you. Love and respect to you 💗

@@jordancurrier3077I get it because I also am artistic. There’s nothing I would alter in any way per your audiovisual statement. During their lifetime very few people will ever leave a legacy of such quality and import in the public sphere. And, there, you just went ahead and did it. So thank you for sharing. It thoroughly deserves to catch fire.

@@windigo44 💗💗💗

@@jennyelsie thanks, Jenny. Back at ya 💗

I respectfully disagree. It is harmful doctrines, crafted by prejudicial men, that have hurt me and so many other gay Mormons and ex-Mormons like me. If there is a God, his or her love shouldn’t be dependent on anything, least of all my sexual orientation - something I was assigned at birth and something I have zero control over, like my eye color and my right handedness. Needless to say, I’m not interested in debating the veracity of my own experiences with an anonymous stranger who has clear biases. If you want to debate the issues discussed in my film, you’ll need to find a different forum with a more receptive audience.

Nelson has stated that’s not the case. Nelson has said that Gods love is conditional. I can point you to the a video where he directly says this if you would like.

@@Lomochenko did you mean to say “Nelson has said that God’s love is unconditional”? Because you wrote “conditional”. Your Freudian Slip here is amusing. There is literally NOTHING you can say or point to that I haven’t already heard or studied myself. Nothing. I know Mormon doctrine inside and out. I know exactly what all the so-called “prophets” of the Mormon church have said and continue to say about the LGBTQ community. Mormons themselves consider their doctrine to be immutable. So, even if you want to make the tortured case that your God’s love is unconditional, there’s still the cold, harsh reality that gay people are second class citizens in the church. God loves me unconditionally, but he won’t let me marry a man in his holy temple? Sounds like a massive condition to me.

@@Christina-qr2sg I appreciate your kindness. 💗🏳️‍🌈