This video was really helpful. When I first took the test I got 4, but I didn’t think the motivations lined up for me. I really thought I was a 1, mostly because of my strong inner critic. Then I thought I was a 9 for awhile, because I have a hard time dealing with conflict. But the wings and subtypes just didn’t feel right with either type. So I went back to 4, did more digging and really had that moment where I felt like I was reading about me. I really think I’m a SP 4, so I think that was part of my disconnect in the beginning. So I do feel glad that I did the research and tested out different types, even if it just brought me back to where I started.
Similar journey for me. I thought I was a 4 when I first discovered the enneagram. Fast forward a couple of years and I think I am a 9w1. A 4w3 has has a wing that is the integration point of 9. A 9w1 has a wing that is an integration point of 4. I also read that 9sx is a lot like 4sp. What is more 4 than thinking they are more unique than the box of type 4? What is more 9 than wanting to merge with a type they find more appealing? If I am a 9, I am a wannabe 4. If I am a 4, I am more unique than just 4 bc I have so much 9 too.
It must have been 20 years ago that my aunt heard me talk about wanting to help people. She told me about the Enneagram and that I was probably a 2. She's a definite 1 and I love her 1-ness. Anyway, for years I read a lot of Enneagram material, including Riso and Hudson's work, and 2 never felt right. I thought that I might be in denial. But then, a few years ago, I did some online work that Beatrice Chestnut had out there. After testing as a So 7, it all fell together like puzzle pieces. I do want to help people, but never to my detriment. My favorite way to help people is to make them laugh or to see a silver lining. It's been so helpful to me to watch when I'm ignoring my negative/unhappy feelings. Just sitting still with them isn't easy, but it's what I need to learn. I laugh at a lot of the 7 stereotypes as they don't fit me, most are more like Sp 7s. No wonder it took me a long time to find my type. I really enjoy your advice and skits, Abbey. Thanks for what you do!
I originally thought i was my stress number(4), then i thought i was my integration number(7) but then i realized im the number in-between those numbers(type 1) of the integration order(4-1-7). ☺️💚
Fantastic video, Abbey, and your points are spot-on! I'll still follow you on Instagram of course, because your content is always a delight and brings such joy and empathy to my day. And, as you rightly pointed out, memes are awesome! It seems the enneagram does sometimes get stereotyped as the "I must break you" model, but your lovely explanation of how finding your type sucks really resonated with me. For a long time, I figured I was a Four (based mainly on test results), because I was sensitive and felt misunderstood, but I also tested highly as a Nine. When I read about Nine (again, via through test results), I discounted it as a possibility. Not because I necessarily disagreed with the descriptions, but because it felt repulsive and shaming. At the time, Fours seemed so much more interesting and compelling. I mean, who wouldn't want to be an angst-ridden artiste over a people-pleasing milquetoast? Also, my Seven girlfriend told me that Fours are cool and Nines suck, so I took the path of least resistance and agreed with her (Ooh, foreshadowing! LOL). It wasn't until 20 years later when I decided to really read in-depth about all the types (and subtypes) that I came around to really sitting with and gradually identifying with the Nine. I've never felt more understood and, more importantly, more capable of real growth than when I allowed myself time and space to reflect on my true motivations and fears. Oh, and I'm so sorry to hear someone hurt your feelings. Utterly uncalled for! Please let me know if you want me to stretch my Eight wing and hunt them down.🖤😅
This video is just one of the best, and they’re all really good, but this is just spot on advice. And I’ve mentioned it before but, through kinda keeping with your work on this channel (via help from the comment section) I moved from having a strong belief in my “3ness” for years to finally falling into understanding that it is part of this “9self” that I find myself in… as always 🙏
Thanks for the video! Just a suggestion for a future video: side-by-side motivation comparisons like you did at the beginning between type 5 and type 2- but do various matchups, so all of the numbers are included. I found those visuals and real-life scenarios easy to digest xx
Definitely agree with your first point, and that point about the perils of stereotypes. I've had a family friend tell me I couldn't possibly be a 5 because I wasn't robotic enough. The core motivations and fears, however, do not deny a 5 the ability to have extremely powerful emotions nor does it say a 5 can't be warm and playful. When I found a few pieces that held up the core fears, motivations, and messages that a 5 deals with, I actually /winced/ they struck a little painfully right at home. Just twist that knife a little bit. /Yeahh,/ there it is. None of the others did that quite so poignantly. My 6 wing may make me more social and anxious, my 4 wing may crank my internal emotions and creativity up to 11, my SP and SX instincts may use me as a tug of war rope, but that just means I'm not a stereotype. I'm a 5. Thank you for the great video.
I feel like i know everything about the enneagram like the back of my hand, yet it just makes me overanalyze my actions and i feel like it's impossible to truly relate to any type
Now this video made me more confused or rather brought up my past confusions again. I still dont know my enneagram type for sure. I first thought I was a 2, because I love taking care of people, but that might just be because I'm INFP. I feel like do have an egoistic part of me too, so I thought I was perhaps a wing 4, but neither 3 nor 5 felt right so I gave up that thought. Then I thought 6 fit well because one test also categorized me as 6 and I could relate with the text about them on the page. Now I thought that I was an 8 for sure and while trying to figure out my wing I'm being confronted with 2 again. Long text, short story, I am between 9, 8, 7, 6, 4, 2 and 1 and thats way too many different types to be in between of (while I did relate to the 8 descriptions, I felt like 8s are way more aggressive than INFP me, I was almost sure of being one because I can be very passive aggressive when someone dares to even look in a bad way at people I want to protect, but I will mostly keep quiet and try not to start any open conflict if not necessary - wait, that sounds so much like a 8w9 -) edit: (12 days later haha) pretty sure I'm a 6w5 694, I do love to help people but for different reasons than the 2 for the most part :3 thanks for reading!
I think this video is so interesting!! I want to talk about ALL the steps, but I can get kinda wordy and I feel bad about spamming you, so I'll keep it to the one I found most interesting, number 6. I found this interesting because I was actually super happy to find my type. I was occasionally mildly embarrassed, but not anything I couldn't laugh away. I don't think it's because I'm "proud" or have a "great type" or anything, I think it was just the way I was raised. Ever since Kindergarten my mom was teaching me that I am the way I am, and nothing I'll do will ever change my true self, really. She didn't teach me to be "proud" or whatever, she told me that it's simply the way I am, and if I were any different, I wouldn't be me and this wouldn't be my life. I do think I chose my type right, but maybe your level of embarrassment depends on your POV? Cool video! I think you got everything right!
Super excited about this! I am trying to use Enneagram as a tool to help me be a better me, but I think I have the tendency to take some tests too seriously. Thank you thank you for your content!
I’ve always been so surprised at anyone who struggles to find their type. When I tested as a sp4 I felt like God had given me a gift, a book of proverbs just for me. It was like I had been given wings.
I'm very pleased with this video !! 🥰 A friend of mine is an Enneagram coach since a looong time, at least 10 years. At the beginning of every discuss about Enneagram, he always recalls that everything is about internal motivations (point 1). When we struggle also with uncomfortable part of types, he also says that there is no good or bad types, levels of integration is important and Enneagram is a tool (points 3 and 4). This video should be linked before every Enneagram videos ! 💪😎
I first thought I was a 5. But the wings didn't line up at all, and though I was introverted, I wasn't nearly so much of a loner as they described. Then I thought I was a 3, but the wings didn't line up at all, and though the "ambition" was a part of it, it was more "quiet" than described. Then for a couple of days I was an 8, but I don't "do" confrontation, I "do" ignoring people. Then 1, but though I was some aspects, it didn't fit. Then I looked up 9. It didn't feel like it fit at all - that is, the initial "stereotype" didn't fit. But that's the sx and sp which didn't fit. The social 9 fit like a glove, it was strange since I didn't really like 9s or their lack of internal motivation, before I realized that I didn't like it because I had learned to grow out from that, but still didn't like my lack from before. It also fit it very well with my "quiet ambition"; I am not a go-getter, I don't speed ahead with what I think I want, I set up systems to get me there, then I stay patient. Sometimes I need a burst of energy, and I have it, but that's very rare and I don't like using it. People think the 3 is ambitious because they work 24/7, I want to learn enough so that I don't have to and still achieve my goals. It's wierd but it fits.
Lol long comment. What I see so many people doing with the enneagram, and the MBTI for that matter, is really make it super exclusive. Within both of these typing systems, we all do everything!! That’s what people really miss out on. This isn’t a hot or cold, black or white thing we’re dealing with. I’m a 4, but a 4w3 so I’m actually pretty extroverted but it’s seen as like a thing that’s not possible because 4s are supposed to be super introverts. While yes, that gives so much fuel to my ~not like others~ issues I got, it sucks to feel almost invalidated by that exclusiveness. (Also really unhealthy for me because I’ve always had people tell me I’m introverted my whole life) You have to also look at the health of the individual because that’s going to change a looot about how people present themselves or what they fixate on. This was great, Abbey. It was invigorating as someone who is starting to feel more comfortable with the enneagram and I feel good finally showing my boyfriend this video to get his inquiry started 😄 Also also! Instagram accounts that actually dive into the enneagram instead of being funny have been really helpful for me. It’s not just memes out there!
Another long post, beware, but I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was worth it! As another warning, I admit it's entirely possible I just took the wording way too seriously in this part of the video. We type 1's tend to do that with a lot of things, for better or for worse 😬 I'm not sure how to feel about how finding your type "sucks." To me that would imply that there's nothing good about it, but similar to how there are no good or bad types (which was explained here in a lovely way!), I like to think anyone going through the journey would agree that there are good and bad parts to discovering your type. I loved it from the beginning because it resonated with me so well and explained so much, but... becoming more self-aware has definitely revealed the uglier side of me that I didn't know was an issue before (like the resentment and internalized anger). If anyone out there hasn't looked at the personal growth recommendations for their type on the Enneagram Institute website, you should, because they will definitely challenge you, but in a good way. I felt super called out by every single one of mine, but I also knew I really needed to see them. It was for sure a "I see myself in this and I don't like it" kind of moment, but it was weirdly satisfying at the same time. All this to say that it is absolutely uncomfortable at times, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that it sucks. I see it as an overall good thing because it gives us an opportunity for growth that we wouldn't have otherwise. Especially with the depth that the Enneagram has, that's something else I appreciate! (Is it possible that if I'm going to 7 in integration, I'm able to see more joy in this?) As I've been typing this out and thinking about it more, I'm starting to think I might actually be trying to justify why I initially reacted to that part of the video that way and maybe even seeking reassurance that I typed myself correctly, as opposed to providing valuable insight like I thought I was when I started writing this. Now THAT is an uncomfortable realization! But it totally seems like a 1 thing to do. I struggle with the last point big time, because I reeaalllly do not want to be wrong about this. Side note/question: has anyone here looked into childhood wounds or child-parent relationships associated with each type? This is a topic I've only learned a little bit about and would like to explore further, but this is where I could see it getting even more uncomfortable for me. If what I've learned so far is true, there's probably some deep stuff there that would be tough to dig into, but I think it could put a LOT of other puzzle pieces together. I haven't seen that type of info on this channel, but it seems like the childhood wounding message is probably where the core longing comes from, so there's at least a hint of it on here. Just curious, no big deal if others aren't familiar!
My therapist suggested I learn about the enneagram a long time ago. I took tests and thought they were total BS. I kept testing as a 1 or a 3, and they DEFINITELY weren’t right. She then suggested that I just watch some RU-vid videos or listen to a podcast. Somehow ended up on FJ, and he sent me to a playlist of a Richard Rohr seminar. That was when I was like, OH. This actually makes some sense. Felt some attachment to the 5, but then he got to the 8, and I was like “F***. That’s me.” Found you a week or two later, lol. Your suggested process is very similar to how I experienced the whole journey during the initial weeks of pandemic lockdown. Still haven’t read a book though. They all seem too religious for me. Still having panic attacks during church services, so I’m looking to avoid the religion based books for a little while longer.
I’m getting confused in whether im a 2,6,7 or 9. Right now, I am trying to learn what enneagram is, and do some more self reflection to find my number. :) Also i feel sorry for that hate comments on the threes :(
It's cool that you're a 3w4. Your wings must be nearly balanced because it was hard for me to guess your wing. I was leaning towards w2 but can see the 4 better now. I'm a 9w8, and it's obvious to me now. I had an interesting medical hiccup that threw my body, and subsequently, my brain chemistry, out of whack. It caused depression, anxiety, obsessions, and just an overall feeling of fear and uncertainty coupled with a strong dislike for others. Thankfully I have healed from this, but I totally thought I was a 5w6 during this 2 year period. I obsessed over researching my health situation and hid away from the world. Long story short, it's strange how versatile being a 9 is, and how under the right circumstances someone can totally seem to be a different type. 9w8 is also a very confusing type to be, because feeling like the genuinely nicest person around and then being turned into a mean and even hate filled person over some perceived injustice can make you unsure of yourself and your level of innate goodness. Thankfully I don't lash out in anger much and the feeling always leaves quickly in favor of me reclaiming my peace. I can literally say something mean or snappy at someone and be back to fixing the relationship and feeling calm in a matter of minutes.
Gosh, Abs! You did it again! Making me emotional with the deep videos. Apologies for the long comment: When I first learned about the enneagram 2 years ago, I thought I was a 4 based on what I'd read on the types. Then I immediately had doubts because I felt like I was too "sunny" and "positive" to be a 4 (moody and melancholy). I took a test and got type 1 and stuck with that for 2 years. But something always felt off with my moods. I blamed that on the fact that 4 is 1's stress path so I just thought I was stressed all the time. Then I read a comment about a fellow 1 who was having doubts about being a 1 and that made me stop and take stock of the concerns I had. So I sat down and retook the test, slowly and being HONEST about my answers and got type 4. I wasn't happy about it. I thought, "I'm already an INFJ and a HSP (highly sensitive person), now I'm a 4! My poor feelings." And I realised through subtypes that I'm an SP 4 which is why I'm so sunny and positive; I hide my pain from others and suffer in silence. But my 4-ness comes out most when I complain that I'm not the only 4 in the world (or in the comments lolz). But I love how Abs showed similar behaviours, different internal motivations at the beginning of the video. This is why I took so long to understand that I was type 4. I floundered for a while; thinking I was a 1, then a 9, then a 3, etc. I think I tried on each enneagram type to see if they fit :P And because I chase success so much and work so hard to leave a legacy behind, racing the clock to make my mark on the world; to be worthy of other's admiration (which can look like a 3), my reason and my motivation is that I want to find my purpose and not be insignificant (which is a 4). I always cringe when the 4 comes on in the video so I know that's my type but I actually doubted because I didn't cry during the Sleeping At Last 4 video (and I wanted to have that experience, you know). Nevertheless, I will continue to dig deep and learn about myself. Whether I remain a 4, we'll see. I'll work on getting those books you suggested!
In the first example of the two women that get up early for different reasons, I dont understand the difference between the two. The main reason for both of them is so they can have their “me time” before starting the day. They truly sounded exactly the same to me. What am I not understanding?
Hello Abbey, Just wanted to tell you that I LOVE your videos. You are a natural born teacher. I've learned a lot from you over the years. Thank you! Geneviève
I always like to say that most personal discovery tools teach you HOW you show up, whereas the Enneagram helps you understand WHY you show up that way.
