WORST Things to Say to Each Enneagram Type 

♥️ that makes me so sad to hear that. As I 2, I have finely trained radar for 9s and am extra sensitive to this. Thank you for sharing 🤗

As a 9 I hate being interrupted when I speak. It's so hard to get back to the level of confidence I had before the interruption

Wow is that the truth!

Yess! Exactly! It makes me so mad and I never want to share that stuff again.

I HATE being interrupted! I feel like if I am taking the time to share my thoughts then listen then state yours (harmony). If I am interupted I have to start all over and it diminishes the impact of my words. It makes things way too complicated and confusing.

YES 👏🏽 Preach, Monique!

I always thought I was wrong or weird when I got upset so easily especially when people called me too emotional or they have all the same things I do. And I've come to learn ppl are gonna like the same things I do but that doesn't make them the same as me

Gross!! 😂 Agreed.

yeah that's the worst for me, I take advices really badly no matter how it's said.

Yes!!! I don't know why I get "rebellious" or something when someone tells me what to do with my life- I guess it is part of the type 9's inner stubbornness? Also, if someone tells me what I should be doing, it feels like criticism for what I already have been doing. On the outside I take criticism well, but on the inside it is a huge struggle (and it is especially difficult to hear when it comes from someone I really care about and am close with)

My husband is a 9 and the same way lol. I’ve had to learn not to phrase advice like, “you should do this,” but instead say it like, “here’s an idea.” Or, “have you thought of this?” I’ve noticed if I give it as a suggestion he’ll take the idea in consideration, otherwise his wall goes up and he does the opposite lol. It’s a good learning lesson for me too, because it helps me to learn how to speak more kindly. As a type 1 I can come off harsh without meaning too 🤭

Definitely this. As a nine we strongly value autonomy.

TOTALLY!!

I'm an 8 and me and one of my friends (who's also an 8) legit just had a talk about how much we HAAATE passive-aggression!

100%

That annoys the fuck out of me too. So I play dumb and act either as if they're invisible or that they're my best friend and I take everything SUPER literally just to piss them off and make them actually USE THEIR WORDS.

I'm almost sure I'm an 8w7, and there are 3 things that annoy me in communication: 1) when people say "I need to tell you something" and then don't say what or start saying something super slowly and never finish it. 2) drama queens 3) passive-aggressive. If you use passive-aggressive to me I will simply ignore you and assume you are not talking about me. Or I might ask who are you talking about. If you understand astrology, I will also share that my natal Mercury is in Aries in the 8th house. I'm almost sure my husband is a 9w1. His natal Mercury is in Virgo also in the 8th. Now you imagine how we communicate, hahahaha. It works, but only because we understand we speak different languages. Oh, and we do speak different languages, for real. My native language is Portuguese.

LOLLLLL

100000% correct

Yessssss

I mean I’m a 6w7 and an ENFP so not this one as much. But I do like specifics- that I can then be flexible around- because I like being spontaneous and that freedom- but i need to know the boundaries because I’m terrified of getting things wrong

that hurts me

Be more succinct and I won’t need help you.

Start standing up for yourself😂. Stop being such a pushover.

@@sparrowhawk5673 wow clearly you understand nothing about a nine. What a comment.

@@LuckyJAmbrose hey it's kids like you that have their alternative eight Wing come out once they get beat up. Learning the hard way how to finally stand up for yourself. It's not about understanding it's about becoming a better version of yourself. Enneagram 9s are bold when they write but not in person.

@@sparrowhawk5673 I am bold both in writing and in person… and people love to hear themselves talk… especially men. Talking over 9’s is a thing. We are excellent listeners but would like to get a word in now and then. It’s just that simple. And it’s rather annoying. Oh and thanks for calling this 71 year old a ‘kid’. ❤️

😄

I'm a type 9w1

i totally relate to that!! I absolutely hate when I try to comfort people and they just think I don’t understand what it’s like to be sad. I only comfort people because that’s the only way I know how to move on from a problem. It’s hard to remember that some people aren’t like us quick-moving and optimistic 7s!

@@taylormitchell4562 yes exactly! Glad someone can relate

@@silencesfell ahww thanks ♡ same goes for you! Where would we be without our peacemakers?

I’m with you. I appreciate someone who will stand up for 8s against that mess.

Just wanna say that I love 8's and they're the most passionate people ever and will literally stay by you no matter what if you matter to them. They don't have to be fuzzy with everyone, no one has to be and they aren't heartless for that.

We are quite an enigma, but we are worth the challenge it takes to decode :p

Do you find you attract negative people? I have always had this issue. People feel safe and accepted around me so they feel comfortable sharing all their negative opinions! I mean it's nice that we offer them an accepting ear and a positive spin, I'm glad I can be a source of light in their lives...but it's also really draining!

This

My best friend is an 8 and the love from an 8 is the most honest thing in the world

Type 8 here my reply to those who say I am cold is you are not paying attention I run hot on everything. If you think I am cold, when I am angry, it is because I am using restraint because I realize burning you down is not going to help matters.

Exactly! (I'm a 4w5 too) and you just took the words out of my mouth

I’m a 9 and I feel you so hard. Especially when they assert they know what I’m thinking/feeling more than what I do.

I hate when people tell me what to do. Or anyone who tries to control me.

As an 8, I get annoyed when people don't* tell me what they think about me/the situation/their true emotions! I'll take anger and harsh words over silence!

This is the first time “heathenous soul” has been used in a comment section of mine 😂

NOT 2s 😭 okay okay.. maybe sometimes, but you do NOT want be around us when we're trying to wall it up. Healthy 8s are AMAZING with boundaries. Every 2 needs a healthy 8 in their life SRSLY. Oh and if they love you they will fight to the death for you.

I'm a 5 and i can confirm this. Most souls are heathenous unless proven otherwise 😂😂😂

@@jfish032 I needed to make a month break with a type 2 in relationship. I got too claustrophobic . It actually helped the relationship, don’t know if I’m all that healthy as an 8 though. But I am good at setting boundaries, making time limits etc. Making time outs.

Thanks for sharing@@hirsch4155 . That makes a lot of sense :) also, when I said "every 2 needs a healthy 8 in their life" I didn't necessarily mean marriage, could also be a friend, coworker, etc. Just someone to learn from and admire the hell out of.

Oof, as a 3, the failure sentence would cut me deep too. Thanks for watching and commenting, Avionne!

Oof. I can tell “You’re a failure” feels like an attack for me too, but as a 5 it immediately triggers my intellectualization defenses where I retaliate by attacking the premise of the statement; “What does ‘failure’ mean,” “I owe you nothing,” that sort of thing. I think “You’re not enough,” would nail me to the board, though.

2w1 here, but I also obsess over the "you're a bad person" for months, too.

I’m a 9w1 and I feel this STRONGLY. 🥺

@@AlskaNoelle Yeah, I'm definitely feeling that in the 1 wing, too.

Glad it resonated with you!! 💕

Hi, fellow 9 here! I really relate to the fear that expressing deep or strong feelings will lead to ridicule, conflict, or rejection, and also love the rest of being alone without that invisible feeling of pressure. I just want to say that it's messed up that the idea of dramatic and sensitive "for a guy" even exists. Like, guys have feelings too, and it should be considered just as valid for them to express emotion as for women. May your life be filled with people who fully accept you in both your mildness and your passion! I also hope you find someone(s) you can talk to authentically about YOUR feelings, which, as always, are as valid as ANYONE else's

Felt that. Also have inattentive adhd. It’s like people expect you to constantly know everything that’s happening and catch all of the raindrops while they’re falling down. Scheduling especially falls behind for me…

As a 9, that also has inattentive ADHD I relate to this soooo much! I naturally operate and process at a slower pace than most people. I get so anxious and overwhelmed when I’m expected to move to someone else’s pace especially when it’s much faster than my own. For example, I hate driving other people when other people are in the car. They usually want me to drive at their pace and their way. So I end up driving and making decisions faster than what I’m comfortable with. I also hate when people watch me do something. I feel pressured to move faster then I end up messing up

@@silencesfell Ok turns out I'm actually a 2, but this sentiment still stands for me regardless of type. I guess this is more a trigger for my ADHD/executive functioning profile and trauma rather than a trigger for my enneagram.

Fact.

I'm a 5 and have been called a robot or something akin to that many, many times. I'm very reserved in emotional expression and can be quite aloof. Doesn't really bother me and I don't want to expend energy in a fruitless argument against it because, to me, its of little import. Now, if someone wants to converse about the nature of quantum mechanics or different schools of philosophical thought, I can barely contain my excitement and can talk until you can't stand to hear my voice anymore.

I’ve heard this from SO MANY 1s!! Thanks for sharing.

Seriously! I was told "you're colouring wrong" in grade 3... 1. She was wrong and I still prescribe to my 3rd grade methods... 2. Regardless of who is right or wrong... how many other memories do I have from that grade? Like none... just the one time the teacher told me I was bad at colouring... it is so engraved inside my brain that anytime I colour even at 30yrs old I am hyper sensitive to how my lines look on the page... and I can't get her words "your wrong" out of my head...

Oh no! Hope you come out from under the desk!! 😂 Thanks for watching and commenting, Melissa!

This might be a late respons but I’m literally climbing up the walls when I'm anxious. Soooo many sleepless nights because I'm so in my head. Always takes a while to realize that I'm in my head and then find a way out. Had to start asking people close to me to ask what I'm thinking if I'm to quiet... (6w7)

SO TRUE. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I also like hearing about a 2 and a 5 partnership and how to make it work.

As a 5 who has a few fantastic 2 friends, I cannot imagine living with a 2. Sounds like you would need some good boundaries/ground rules in place, or the 2 would likely feel neglected while the 5 felt suffocated.

OOH INTERESTING- I am an ENFP 7w6 (yep I am the stereotype 😂) and I actually relate to this, ngl it’s the Ne curiosity that makes you want to investigate and things, and to wonder and the Fi attachment to get to know how something works. I’m curious what made you type as a type 5? Just because I love hearing about unusual combos like ENFP 5w6 which I have never heard of anyone with that type combo before :)

I was surprised by that as a 5. These did not trigger me as much as if it had been regarding competency. Maybe because I am good about having boundaries? I know what I can handle. No one is dropping in for a stay with me. I don’t have a problem referring them to a hotel. And I generally don’t care what other people think as long as it does not relate to my competency. If they say I have no emotions, that doesn’t bother me even though it’s not entirely accurate.

I’m a 6 and I related so much to this comment! Haha I often say something like, “Well, I guess the worst that could happen is…” and also “Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one then!” I understand that the worst case scenario phrase has to do with needing to plan for possible future bumps in the road, but I’m now curious: Which part of the 6’s core desires or fears are related to not wanting to be the only one or finding comfort in the fact that someone else is or feels similar to you?

I was given a final warning on the first offense on a job, it literally ruined my month. They still tease me about it and then I feel sick to my stomach. It’s a thing 💁🏼‍♀️

I don't know, as a 4 myself, I'm not too keen on being told that I don't matter, either. Especially that my emotions don't matter.

@@messinalyle4030 my sister is a 4 and I'm a 5 and that's the case for her and me as well. I just summarized the video in a shortest possible way, but i dont think anyone likes to be told that they don't matter or that their feelings are stupid. We're all human and we all seek acceptance is what i feel..and that's very healthy.

@@saloni.sharma Apparently some people are more sensitive to it than others, or else we wouldn't have so many people communicating to others that they don't matter.

Good summary

@@gingermo thanks :)

High praise from a 1!!

@@AbbeyHowe My husband is a 5, and you nailed one, too! Actually you did great with each number! I so appreciate learning about each type through your videos.

Glad it resonated!!

Thank you for sharing this story, it really helps to understand 🧡and I'm so sad you had that experience, I hope you did get to enjoy on another occasion your BBQ chicken pizza 🍕 😊

Right? Just let us feel the feels! Lol (469 Tritype here)

How a 4 might respond: afraid to not be needed for the partner, to be replaced by someone else either romantically or friend wise who is more interesting, or to not be able to provide the things they currently do in person that make them feel special and invaluable to their partner. Would prefer to be in person probably. How a 6 might respond: scared for the relationship falling apart IF the distance changes any other dynamics they have no matter how small. A six noticed tiny details and that suspicion will pick up on if their partner texts or calls them less often and wonder why they aren’t keeping the same routine (unless the partner communicates and doesn’t leave room for those curiosities). The 6 needs to feel like they are still #1 (close or far) and that best friend a whole is privy to their partners life because they have earned that #1 loyalist spot. And the 4 needs to feel like they cannot be replaced and reassured of that. Both are emotional and empathetic so it’s easy to mix them up. Both would need reassurance but the 6 needs more pro-active assurance (alleviate my fears before I even have any, don’t give me a reason to wonder just keep me in the loop), and 4s need more re-active assurance, if hey, in case you forgot, you are still the best person and could never be replaced in a million years, and reminded often. You’re meeting new people and adding new things to you’re life while far away- the 4 would be terrified that they no longer serve the purpose in helping and loving you in the ways they do with each new encounter you have. It’s simple to alleviate that fear tho with reminders and words of affirmation matching actions the 4 will be okay. The 6... well... once they are suspicious of you, and you’ve given them a reason, they can be harder to win over. Not because they are paranoid but because they typically have valid reasons (even if they themselves can’t put their finger on it!) they have an intuition typically routed in what they notice on microscopic levels (hence suspicious and paranoid) changes of behavior they observe either consciously or subconsciously. Both are feelers, both have crazy levels of empathy, the 3s I would say can be reminded of your love for them, the 6 once they feel burned can be difficult or impossible to win back. They will offer their loyalty elsewhere.

I’m a 5 with a 6 sister. I like what your son is telling you.

@@maedchenausmars Ha ha, I can see why!

Yep, this happens to me too :/