If You're Longing for an Ex (or Impossible Person) You Must Heal THIS 

Yes, limerence is definitely a coping mechanism.

That’s a cool way of dealing with it. I’m gonna try it too.

Wow this perfectly describes me with my ex. I think it’s breaking away now. He doesn’t seem as glossy anymore.

The more I keep reading these comments on limerence, the more I realize I have a severe disorder because of all my thought patterns. The way I constantly rewind, looking back at past experiences, failures, wishing I could change so much. How falling so intensely into limerence now, would just be the most complicated issue I so did not need. Yet here we are... Am I better person beecause of it?? Probably not. But trying to learn from it.

@@RubysDude You're not alone, mate. Take care.

Amen

Limerence isn’t love

Amen

It is. Thankfully I found recovery 🙏

ironically, it's not even love

Thank you. That's really helpful.

Thank you for this

That was really helpful

Thank You for your sharing

If I helped anyone even for a minute I'm grateful. But if you're in a real bind on obsession, a cold shower does the trick for me. Uncomfortable as all hell but anything to just dislodge the obsession for a second gains a ton of clarity. All you need is that brief second of not thinking of them sometimes to realize you dont have to be gripped by this

@user-yo8vj9on3g beautiful comment! 🥰

yes, i agree

I also agree. I noticed this year that when stress gets overwhelming I use limerent fantasies as an escape into a “better reality”

omgg yes!! Thank you, I feel so understood (as I'm sure a lot of others do). People are like 'just stop imagining things that cannot be, it doesn't help you'.. but my brain thinks it does, and depending on how dissconnected from reality I feel, the more I could waste hours in a ruminating loop of rewriting past experiences in my mind and imagining my life had they been as I 'should' have xyz.. sigh.

Yes

yes i think a lot of covert narcissists get addicted to charming people and see it as a victimless crime like fishing and throwing them back.

I mirror that comment, in regards to my father

For me it's safety, security, unconditional love. A life where I was in a team with someone who cared, who smiled, who stood by my side.

Thanks for sharing, it kakes a lot of sense for me.

That was well said. Right now, my whole world feels like that desert. The only oasis is this LO, I work with, who gives me the dopamine high I get, just by looking at her. Even better when she looks up at me. It could be no more than a minute out of my long day, that I see her. But just to see her, in what I see as God's Masterpiece, is what gets me through my day. She is my everything and when I see her, I am in another dimension. This is intensity I didn't ever fathom, could exist. But I see why I do it and it's all part of an addictive cycle I've always had. My story is complicated and long and even tragic to a degree, but I'm working through this. So thank Christ for this forum and those I can share with.

Good analogy

I want to start to be more assertive and loving and kind with my people and myself, so I don't become an enabler for my friends and family

Fuck I relate

Dang I relate to this 💯

my god...could limerence really apply to a child? Surely that's what you call a crush as they are still developing? Im so sorry, I can't imagine how adults could have looked at your little innocent face and treated you that way. I hope you are able to rebuild now

A lot of times, kids are just a happenstance. Whether they’re planned or not. Parents think they are prepared for “parenthood “ but the kid just gets in the way. Long story short, I am extremely thankful that my sister didn’t go through that.

Seems my parents refuse to die. Get this: He's been Sitting Alone in his cheap house since the 80s on disability. Smoking consistently. Stroke in 91. Still this 70+ abusive Psycho lives. and Then! Won a $1mill lottery in 2014. This 👆 is what I call a fallen world.

​@@supercoolyguyyeah I know LOTS of people like that. Pure assholes that contribute nothing but grief to those around them yet seem to be blessed in all aspects with talents, gifts or money. There is no logic and there is no fairness. Once I accepted THAT it all mattered less hahah

Wow, that's amazing! So glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Not stupid, dear. It happens.

I've been depressed and I had a texting friendship where he started flirting. It felt dangerous but as I was getting more and more depressed and had nothing to look out for his messages were for me the only source of feeling appreciated, seen, liked. I said to myself well for now it's more inportant to feel a bit better so if that it is by fantasizing than that's ok. I did worked on getting out of my depression but the longing started to feel overwhelming and painfull. I couldn't move on so I confessed and he rejected me which I anticipated since he didn't want to mert up althow it also got me confused. Cause he started all the flirting and all that. I thought I could move on but the heartbreak was also intense and felt like a step back into depression. But I seemed to manage.. I was putting myself first and had no contact. Untill he texted me that he regretted his choice to reject me. That he had feelings for me and didn't know it. But he seemed garded and I didn't trust him. And yes when I tried to plan a date he gohsted me for a few days and then said he wasn't ready yet but was working on himself. From that point I couldn't move on.. I felt stuck in heartbreak and hope. Anyways I feel depression defenatly makws us more vulnerable for attention and limerence. I am fearfull avoidant and I've seen how this played a huge part in this dynamic between us. But also how blind I was for him not even want to meet up.. It was all words. After months he contacted me again. He started flirting instantly. And before I knew it I felt the butterflies again and was full on back in the hope for more. He said he didn't want anything at the moment anymore but he still thought it was a possibility for the future. That to me was exactly prove of his egotistic motives. As before it seemed he really wanted it but wasn't ready now he plainly confessed he wasn't into me but liked to keep me on a leash. I blocked him and 6 months later I still think of him time to time as he has been connected to so many thoughs, I still miss him. But I also know I did the right thing. I feel I finally am doing mentally better, physically too and have worked on my attachementstyle. In the new year I am ready to meet new people and start believing in real love. No more fantasies for me, I deserve someone who is there for me as I've always been there for others. And someone who wants to see me and is putting efford in making that happen. Just wanted to share my experience with you as I believe it is something human and we should forgive ourselves and be glad it teached us a great lesson in what we are worthy of. ❤️

@@user-js4mt1nr2y Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find someone special.

It's not stupid! It's a trauma response and form of mental escapism and projection. You realizing this is extremely intelligent and self aware. Took me about 8 years to do the same!

@@user-js4mt1nr2y thank you for sharing that. Your story is extremely relatable

Lol after 8 years if my limerent object came knocking on my door I'd be like k cool all is forgiven now jump into my arms!!

Sounds like an abandonment issue

as is not having it, also leading up to it

@@paulgauthier7033 I mean she keeps saying "I'm not a therapist."

You can talk to us about it.

This exactly how I feel

Wow, so glad the video was helpful. It's so important to be kind to yourself, don't forget that! -Calista@TeamFairy

Saaaame

You're not alone. Same here but with a guy. And to make matters worse, he treated me like something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe.

Welcome!

Wow, so happy to hear that! Thanks for sharing, we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

True 😊

so sorry :( Healing, recovery groups, but first, trauma therapy and sexual sobriety. No dating, or sex.

You deserve credit for being a good person and not responding!

I feel like he knows what he's doing. For him it's a form of entertainment and for you....homework. Stay strong as you are, keep distance, change focus. You are a fine person!

Cut ties. Keep it professional if need be & nothing else. You don't want to open pandora's box (i.e., messing with a married man)

Keep going, Lucy. You can survive this. You're not alone.

We're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy

No contact and a restraining order thats what you need to do. You wont like my answer but been there, done that. Save your life and health

Do not get any more vaccines. You've already made progress so you just keep going! one step at a time! ** remember, patience is a virtue, Christina, & you *will* get out of that apartment.

Definitely not, got cheated on 5 years ago by the love of my life and never got over her. Have had opportunities with other women and turn them all down. No interest in pursuing a relationship ever again really. I think its likely to happen to whoever cared more in the relationship dynamic.

I think that often, by the time a couple divorce, the feelings are no longer running high - they're no longer 'in love'! The painful thing, I think, is when you're madly in love with someone and it can't be, for whatever reason. It hasn't got to the humdrum, take-each-other-for-granted stage - it's still at the stage where you're walking on air - the best, brightest version of yourself - and the LO is magical!!! I suppose that's Limerance and is so addictive.

You are healing when you can note that your mind is making up a bunch of problems ;) -Cara@TeamFairy

I hear you. You're in the right place and we're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy

To paraphrase the words of Jurassic Park - love, love will find a way! Limerance is reading more into the situation than there is, usually in response to a current/previous trauma. Its a self based love, where you are projecting what you would ideally want onto someone else, without them responding or truely feeling the same. The situation may remain static as the person actually gains the most "perfect" relationship if they cannot have a true relationship. This allows the fantasy aspects to continue, without the humdrum realities of life such as the dishes to wash and the food to shop for. If its real love, but the situation is complicated, they will work as a team to make it happen - raise money, seperate from current partners, cross states etc. They bring out the best in each other.

cure for that -- serve others, work on self. Sobriety.

I faced the same thing. How are you now ? This answer would really help me !

Cut him off.

Simple solution for you👉Get under someone else

It's ok to let yourself become attached to those that will reciprocate that attachment. Look at reality as it is. Not better than it is, or worse than it is, so you don't get attached to the things or people that will cause pain by not reciprocating your interest. In other words, a healthy way to love is to love in a way that allows others to be free, and accepting the reality of who they are and where they stand.

Absolutely. raniere preyed upon previously damaged women & made them worse.

Nah, you missed it. It's an obsession that is setting you up to lose.

Here you go: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Q_0poJWcggY.html

Thanks for watching! -Cara@TeamFairy

Limerence is often someone we can't be with, someone who doesn't even know we exist. So this qualifies :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@Crappy Childhood Fairy I guess what makes it harder is that I can't very well travel back in time. That version of him no longer exists. This is what hurts the most for me.

I had exact same thing happening to me at the age of 13. The famous person is 25 years older than me and was dead for 10 years by the time I discovered his music. I knoz that many people obsessed over him, both women and men due to his energy and incredible talent. The feeling was so intense, i could not sleep and eat at the time. Now over 20 years later i still have his portrait in my house and listen to his music sometimes. I am married and my personal life is where i want it now, but it took me time and self reflection to be at this place. ❤

@pinkfloydadmirer thank you for sharing that. My person was/is also a musician, and I often find myself doing purges where I won't listen to any of the music or watch videos/look at pictures of him, etc. It works for a while, but then I find myself needing my "fix" of him, and it all rushes back. When I look at him and hear him, I feel as though we were together in a past life or some other universe. It's strange and indescribable

It could be erotomania

That's an 80s song by J geils band. Awesome tune 😎

Good moms don't make our lives perfect I guess, glad you're here to work on your adult self :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I noticed you didn't mention your father... 🤔

@@BklynBabe dad was good too! But mum was more present.

Yes. Hard to find. It's woven into the videos. If you told me I had to walk around the world without help. In all sincerity I'd rather do that, than have to deal, even think about this confusing issue, that's cost me so much over the years.

She says in one of her other videos on the topic that limerence means you lack joy and meaning in your life. So the solution would be to bring those things into your life. I really think it's a lot like drug addiction, as other people in the comments have also said. Happy people don't become addicts, and becoming sober first means eradicating the _need_ for the drug.

You can write in to Anna here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters -Calista@TeamFairy

#ConsciousPlanet 💓