"Is it appropriate for men and women in a relationship to have friends of the opposite sex?" Patrick Romero and cameraman Jesse Budd take to the streets at the Sundance Film Festival to answer this question.
that's because men are more honest than women are...women do know the guys friends like them secretely, believe me...it's just women like attention from other guys even if they are in a relationship!! i'm a girl, i know that for sure.
@@yassinghareeb5761 Well... If you are asked by a random person if you are gay, the most man just froze down, and think "dude, for real? What did I do he think that?" So the froze up is understandable...
Yeah ugly people definitely find each other. You see plenty of ugly people who married young, and plenty of hot older women who had successful careers and struggled to find the right person. Hot women are more insecure because their standards are so high that they can't find date-able people. Ugly people don't often have high standards
personal experience: I always thought it was possible. After almost every friendship was ruined by me finding out the male friend was a "sleeper cell"waiting for my relationship to fail, I now believe that these guys are right.
I'm a girl and I personally feel that men and women can't just be friends. Unless your idea of a friendship is by bottling up your emotions/feelings. Don't get me wrong, being friends w/ a guy is great ...until you realize he's a guy.
... seems the women like to operate by double standards. They are okay with having males friends, but get uncomfortable with their men having female friends. Thing is... a lot of young women like to keep a backup friendship to their relationships. It's a survival thing... something to fall back on if the main relationship fails.
it is actually a somewhat validated evolutionary hypothesis that it is a beneficial trait for women to keep multiple potential mates around. cuckolding intensifies.
its true , they can't be friends , because in the long run as you get closer to someone , you fall for them because of the attraction to the opposite gender. This is true even if initially you found the person unattractive , you can eventually like them.
Not true. Just because you hang around than a lot it doesn't mean that they will become attracted to each other. Men aren't attracted to every single women that they see and women aren't attracted to every man. And even if you do become attracted to that other person it doesn't mean you have to act on those feelings.
Joe Dirt Well, take me and my friend for example. I had no attraction to her whatsoever for 2.5 years we knew each other and hung out a lot. Right now we are in a relationship and we both have strong feelings for each other. So no man can't be just friends with a woman, maybe temporarily but sooner or later one or the other will develop feelings.
what if your a women hanging out with multiple male friends who all are in a relationship. does that make me a bitch because they all want me, because they soo don't have enough sex with their partners. we even hang out in groups and do things like play video games and talk about girls and sex. we have fun, but none of them want to be in a romantic relationship with me. and we have been friends for almost 5 years. some of us even work together.
why a woman needs another male friend during a relationship. and if she knew that this was bothering her lover, what would she do? who would she choose?
@@monmaged6498 it's if the main realiship fails she has the backup Freind to fall into for another relationship and since they have connection and men always want to have that chance with there girl friend to date her
@@supreetkumar7604 They are only master liars if you are attracted or think you have a chance with her. If not than it's super easy to see what they want and if their lying.
@1:33 Interviewer: "If you know it bothers him why would you do it?" Girl: "uuuuhm...." SMH exactly. If you've expressed to your partner that something bothers you & they still do it, then that's a problem. It's like they're disregarding your feelings. What some people fail to understand is when you get in a relationship, it's about sacrifice. What's a friendship that may be temporary compared to a relationship that you're in for the long-run?
RachelYvonne93 in my opinion if you even have to bring it up as a problem , that by definition is a problem because ideally , it should already be known and understood and there would be no reason to bring it up.
She didn't articulate it so maybe I will: Because she's his girlfriend not his slave, and although he may feel bothered, because she can assess the source of that emotions as being irrational, she can make the informed decision of hanging out with that friend anyway. Not every emotion is rational or valid or should be acted upon. She can sacrifice her friendship, or HE can sacrifice his irrational feelings and suck it up and be an adult.
sina chiniforoush I never said she was his slave... But being a mature adult means being able to communicate how you FEEL regardless of if you personally think his feelings irrational or not. His feelings are indeed VALID to him and that should be taken into consideration if you are in a serious relationship & claim to care about that person. Unspoken communication leads to disappointments and unnecessary arguments. If he doesn't communicate his feelings then he will resent her for that friendship that makes him feel uncomfortable and that's not healthy. There is no ultimatum here. The bottom line is his feelings matter and vice versa if she felt that way about his female friendships.
Your comment is from three years ago, but I was surprised (and glad) to know that you see things from both sides. I meant no offense against women. I know there are guys who don't see things from both sides as well. It was just mind-blowing that most of the women the interviewer approached did not see any problems with meeting a guy one on one until the interviewer reversed the situation.
Maybe, but I'm gonna hope that she was dating him cause he wasn't beta in the first place, and liked that he didn't just go along with "Yes dear" on that.
I find this question entertaining. I am married, and have been for going on 2 years. My husband and I both trust each other immensely, It isn't about whether or not you trust your significant other or if having the friendship is appropriate or not, it is about it being the situation being appropriate. It's okay to have a friend of the opposite sex. It is very healthy to have friends outside of a relationship. And if those friends were there before you met your boyfriend/girlfriend, you can't just cut them out of your life. However situations should change. Being alone with that friend in a private setting is very inappropriate. But being with them in a group setting is different. It's when you hide the friendship that makes the friendship inappropriate. I have male friends that I talk to on a regular basis. However I don't hide those conversations from my husband, and I don't go anywhere alone with those male friends. If they want to hang out it has to be with a group of people including my husband. Putting yourself in a situation where you are alone with a friend of the opposite sex, opens the door for rumors, and accusations. For example if my husband went to hang out with a female friend, with no one else around, she could easily say that he made a pass at her, or that he made moves on her, even if he didn't do it. But since they were alone, he has no way to prove otherwise. Which is why my husband and I both agree that we will never be alone with someone of the opposite sex. We trust each other, but people like to start shit. It's okay to have friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship, but it is all about how you handle situations.
@rr rr This works for the majority of humanity. You don't have to make addendum for every special case that comes along so they feel included. Also her last sentence is very open ended and can be adjusted for any relationship, so it isn't an absolute.
the reason you are friends with them is because you are attracted to them secretly, and the reason you just cant let them out of your life, is that you like it when you feel they are attracted to you and you are treating them as options.
"So if you know it bothers him, why would you do it?" 1:30 Two reasons: (1) She can keep her man off balance, create a competition anxiety; (2) She's grooming her next, developing a backup plan, trying to monkey-branch up.
No matter how hard we try to reason it with our own 'life examples', human instinct and our hormones make it impossible to have a 'just friends' relationship with the sex we are attracted to, even if you're in a relationship. Our hormones cant tell if youre in a relationship or not, so if you are around somebody who is a potential mate, your hormones take over at least a tiny bit and there will always be that level of sexual tension, regardless if you notice it or not. we can't change that fact.
Boyfriend's point of view: "I know that every girl that I know who's a 'friend', I would have sex with if she wanted to. Therefore I don't think it's appropriate for men and women in a relationship to have friends of the opposite sex, as I also know that any guy 'friends' my girlfriend has also want to have sex with her if only she would let them."
1:28 “Because I like feeling sexually attractive to men I label ‘friends’ who can be options if I so choose, but otherwise I’ll enjoy their low-level desire for me in the name of ‘friendship’. Don’t rock this boat, stupid, or he’ll see right through my plan."
You can be friends - but you can't really be just friends. Yeah, you can hang out with someone and never sleep with them - but it might happen and often times it does happen.
No, you Can't be 'Just Friends'. I tried to explain this to my supposedly 'Committed Partner' (We've been together 3yrs) that her behaviour in keeping in contact with other men that she's dated and slept with before me by txt'ing, email, phone or meeting for a 'Harmless' cup of coffee is Totally Inappropriate and that it really bothers me but she tells me this should Not pose a worry or problem to me because she see's them as 'Just Friends' now. Shoe on the other foot? She'd be unmericfull!
It's so funny when they were not in a relationship, almost every woman said yes in part 1, but when they got a man they have to keep, suddenly at least half of the women made their mind about that... :D
Most of these people are insecure about their relationship and selves. It all depends on your relationship, what kind of friend it is and the situation. If you're hanging with the friend one on one, the question is why? You at their house to drop something off? You studying with them alone in their house? or at a park or in the library? But this video obviously makes a lot of sense, its pointing out how a lot of men get friendzoned and supress their feelings. Also how women know the man wants more but enjoys having him around as a beta orbiter.
This video is great, both part 1 and 2 and also illustrates why you never ask a woman their advice on relationships. You won't get a straight answer and their response will be the way they wish it were instead of the the real way in which the world works. As the video illustrates almost 100% of the time. And as many of the previous comments illustrate, women look at "friends" as a back-up plan if their main love interest does not work out and guys know that deep down inside.
No. They see guys as friends. It’s that simple. You’re making it complicated. Men are the ones who do what you described. Your comment is riddled with misogyny.
@@sanatanipandit1166 it sounds like you’re stuck on gender roles and don’t know how to have healthy friendships with people regardless of their gender.
Hanging out 1 on 1 with the other gender when you're in an relationship ain't right. If you play with fire you will get burned eventually. And even if you haven't planed on it or didn't want it at all, you can get feelings for that person cuz you're human and then if you keep hanging out even after that you are gambling with your relationship and it's likely you will be unfaithful. If you have a good relationship you shall protect. And trust is something that is earned not something you get, and if your partner doesn't like it you can't have it and that's a sacrifies you must take. From my experience the majority often thinks that it's okey if they have a friend of the opposite sex but would have a problem if their partner had it. So no it ain't right.
Speaking from my own personal experiences, I liken the female state of mind to a cat's, which can be fiercely independent, moody, sweet, loveable, but not at all compatible with others just like themselves. Try putting two cats in an empty small room that do not know each other and see what happens! Men are, at least initially, much more like a goofy dog. Everything must be checked out, sniffed, tasted, looked at, identified and categorized as yours or someone else's. Especially females aka cats. Cats are great to chase, but catching one might mean a bloody snout, scratched eyeballs, or getting hit by a truck in the process of chasing one down. It is critically important to stay away from the cat at feeding time, lest the dog lose much needed vital organs. Yet, at some point, both need their quality time curled up and snoozing. This is where the stars align, flowers blossom, and everything is right in the world. For no known reason the two seemingly incompatible species make the very best snuggle buddies. Even when the cat insists on tenderizing or kneading the dog's furry body before turning in circles and laying down. 🐈💨🐕😻
I wouldn't eat steak, I'm a vegetarian. So you see, I don't want steak, I just like to stock my freezer with it. What's wrong with that? Why can't I stock my freezer with steak even though I have no interest in eating it? Lots of vegetarians do it. Don't be paranoid! You know I'm a vegetarian because I said so. How can people be so insecure?
It is kinda good. I do agree with the point actually, but the analogy is weak. There is no point in keeping the steak in your freezer, while you can come up with a lot of reasons why to have a friend of oposite gender. And that doesnt mean, specifically of oposite gender, it just means, that the oposite gender doesnt hinder any of the characteristics, that you can seek in a friend. While meat obviously has the one characteristic you dont want in your food - its meat...
You wont spend energy (or cash) on something you won't have or eat or use or you don't believe in. Life is short, and the amount of energy you can spend is also limited. Yes you can have steak in your fridge but its call an exception. Your vegan peers will probably say :"WTF in your fridge" because its an exception and like any exception, its surprising. As exception I would say Yes women and man can be friend. Friend without any attraction would be an exception in an exception and of course it exist.
You guys should make more videos about the original topic - can men and women be just friends - in different environments. For instance, interview people at the local park, at different universities, at high schools, at professional institutions. It would be really interesting to get a more diverse group.
It IS entirely negative because it affected me in a negative way. If I was with someone who appreciated me for who I was and who actually saw me as more than just "a friend" as you have, then it wouldn't be a problem. But the point is that I spent 16 years (I'm 31) with only one actual meaningful relationship (3 years) that blew up in my face when a guy 30 yrs older than me told me that my then-gf cheated on me with him. As much as I want to see the good, most of my memories are negative.
@@Gun_Metal_Grey You are very much appreciated and a kind soul for checking in on a YT stranger 11 years in time. Can't say I'm doing absolutely fantastic, but I've managed to suppress that perpetual anger I had in the early 2010s. I'm more of a grumpy old hermit that's just trucking along as much as he can these days. Hope you are doing well out there! Stay safe!
***** Josh Lin Yeah but then look at her responses at 0:26 and 1:33 to two different questions. She's hypocritical with surrounding herself with all these male friends and getting jealous cause her boyfriend does the same with female friends.
wow as a female, i always had a problem with my bf hanging out with his "best girl friend" i finally told him it was a problem, because men and women cant be friends one ends up liking the other.. etc.., and i told him that i didnt try and be friends with a guy unless they had a gf or were gay.... however he insisted the girl from colorado was his friends and she was going to meet him until i threatened to dump him, which i eventually did, and he understood how true this outcome was.
Hey wait a min You have Guy freind with girlfriend So why can't you Beleive Your man is too Having a best Girl freind While Having you Why do you think it's wrong for him to have a lady freind But it is right if other guys With girlfriend have you as a Lady freind ? Like you have that guy freind That Has a Girlfriend And Has a Female freind(you)
I figured it out years ago. Men and women can be friends so long as they are X's. The key is that they were intimate at one point. This removes the "sexual tension" part. The simplest example of this is divorced couple who maintain a friendship because of a joint interest...child...pet..what have you. The extension of this dynamic is any two people who enjoy each others company but are no longer sexually interested in each other. To be honest it can make for a very strong stable lasting friendship. Like two first responders that shared a particularly traumatic event. ;) This is called "being friends".
I think it all really depends on the person. If I had a boyfriend/girlfriend and he/she hung out with someone, I don't feel like I wouldn't worry about them hanging out with another person unless I was uncomfortable about their fidelity. I generally try to have trust in the person I'm dating but if they have a history of being too flirtatious when I'm not around I would not let them hang out with that specific person if they wanted to take my relationship seriously. Same vise versa I think its understandable. To be honest if things like that happen too often you might have to evaluate the relationship and your trust together because love without trust isn't love at all. Don't hold your relationship together by the fingertips if it ever feels that way, it's not okay.
I have four very close male friends who I've known since I was a teenager. I've never had even the slightest hint of attraction to any of them. But whenever I begin a new relationship, one of the first things out of a guy's mouth is "I don't want you hanging out with them," like suddenly after 8 years I'm going to be all over these guys. I've actually resigned myself to the fact that if I want to keep my friendships, I'm not likely to have a successful relationship. It shouldn't be like that.
Interesting concept. I have had women as friends before and neither sex nor attractiveness ever entered the relationship. So long as both know what the boundaries are and respect them, so long as both are loyal to their BF/GF/spouse, there should not be any problem. There is more to a friendship that just trying to get laid. I feel so sorry for people that feel so insecure about themselves that they restrict their BF/GF/spouses friendship choices.
I got to agree with you. I am a woman and must admit that I am better off with a guy friends than a female friends. Yes, it is true that most guys do not do well with females friends. In fact, one of my now best guy friends ones spoke of his feelings for me but I told him no. Some things are better left as they are. He's not engaged to a beautiful girl and say to me that he glad I did not accept his proposal because it would have hurt our friendship them strengthen it as it is now. I do see why so many people say it is impossible. There have been down in my mutual relationship with males that sexual feelings came up (it is hard to ignore), however, I had to stopped and asked myself Is this temporary or permanent? And sure it was temporary feelings. Women can better maintain a mutual relationship with opposite without any sexual intercourse than guys, that just goes to means that guys are not very good at being with another female other than having sex with them. My now boyfriend and I started as friends. I knew his them girlfriend and we were cool. However, the first time him and I met, something clicked but we handled it professionally. It now seem like both of us was checking to almost four years to see if what we felt for each other was just for hook up of not and we did not want to hurt our them partners because it was 6 years of investment. Now, we are together and glad to be. Two years and still counting. Moral of my story - lets not use our temporary feelings to make decision. Most of us nowadays are so desperate for sex, as a result we careless for maintaining a good-mutual relationship with the opposite sex without fu*king them. Females and Male can indeed have a better relationship without sexual intercourse - I have many male friends to prove this.
91Juds Sometimes people mistaken friendship love for sexual love, failing to understand that to have an ideal relationship with your/my spouse means having just that. And a relationship with your/my spouse is not 100% or even 50% sexual. And just as there are limits, there should also be the understanding that people make mistakes. If I have a friend that is gay and he understands that I'm not, then there is no reason we cannot be friends. If he makes a pass at me, it's over. He crossed the line. However, if he flips his wig and gets angry at me over how other "breeders" have treated him because he is gay, most usually I can handle that.We all have emotions, and we all get emotional at some point. It's like that no matter gender. Sadly too many people are too superficial, not giving any space for others' inadequacies while expecting theirs to be permitted.
91Juds Yeah but you have no Idea how much it sucks being a guy and being shot down by every single person you meet. I've been friends with tons of different women and all they ever do is use me for stuff, and not once have they ever developed feelings for me. What does that tell me that I am only of worth to women as a friend and I am not good enough to be in a relationship. And that breaks my freaking heart. And I have to deal with it repeatedly and you don't you just by nature of being a girl get to have all the back ups you want. You know that most of your friends would be there and start a relationship with you if you asked them, and that is the truth. You get to sit and look at and pick and choose from a menu of choices, And I get to me a menu item that is never picked. All I want is a chance with someone but no. I get all the crap about being just friends, over and over and over again, so I hate women, I despise them, all they do is manipulate me and use me, and none have consideration for my feelings.
LegoSwordViedos I don't? Dude, I'm a guy. I know too well what you talk about. Unlike you, I don't hate women. But I know what you're saying. Women have it easy. They can fuck all night long and us guys, we're lucky if we can manage more than 2 shots. But nothing justifies hating women.
***** And why should I care about them anymore hu? I got saddled with a stupid primitive sex drive that makes me want sex and want a relationship more then anything, and is something I have no control over. And then I never get anywhere despite what I do. Being nice, being civil, giving gifts, telling them a number of genuine complements, being there for them, doing favors, etc. And just so many things I can't even name them all. So I don't see how that is in anyway fair or okay. I don't hate them as individuals just because their females, but I do hate women as a whole for making me jump through all the hoops and playing mind games with me. But most of all I hate myself for never being good enough. So I just want as little to do with women as possible because I don't think I'm ever going to find a girl that cares for me outside the platonic level of things. It's just left me feeling broken and hollow inside. That's all I have to say. It's a stupid system and I'm caught in the middle.
not only that, even when there is sexual attraction you can be friendsas long as you also like her as a person and share some common interest and empathy.
Depends on level of trust and it's a two-way street. It's more likely that a guy would be cool with a girl with guy friends. Women don't trust women they don't really know.
+science2491 Monogamy is actually very unnatural. There is plenty of historical evidence that shows humans tend to be polygamous. There are even some societies on earth that treat women very poorly for not being promiscuous enough. Its literally frowned upon if a woman is stingy with her genitalia.
We're all insecure - not a single human in this planet that's not insecure; especially if you like the person a lot. But its more to do with how far some people go with their insecurity.
well it's natural to be bothered but that doesn’t mean it’s right. I might find myself bothered and uneasy, but I recognize that this is because I might have trust issues - so it’s actually my fault that I’m bothered, and though it’s difficult to not be bothered, I will not stop the other party.
Don't be thinking like that, it's dangerous. If you don't voice your opinion and what you really think, ultimately you will be upset and unhappy with the relationship. Even if you don't think the feelings are "right," that's not going to magically change your mind. Please, for the love of everything that is good and holy, don't keep that point of view. Say what you *want,* not what you think is *correct.*
Love is a very unique feeling. You can love and: hate, be jealous, depressed, sad, scary, happy, doubted at the same time. Love cant replace everything and Love isnt all that matters in life, so its not always a question of Love. In this matter Its a question of trust and respect. And something as One Friend for everything just dont exist, because everything is different. sry for my bad english, not used to it anymore ^^
