My personal favorite is asking my boss "Do you want it right or right now? Your choice. I am good either way." He always quietly walks away. One day his head really is going to explode.
It really gets me when I follow a procedure TO THE LETTER and people ask me "what the HELL are you DOing???? We do it THIS way.". That is some scary sh* t.
As an INTJ, I absolutely agree with this. I really like to know the situation beforehand so that I can figure out all the possibilities and prepare the best course of action. Rushing things just increases the failure rate tremendously and I hate that.
@@InternetLiJo It particularly irks me when someone says "Come on, get ready. We have to go somewhere". I don't know what the destination is or the purpose of it. Is it even worth the trouble? How do I dress for it? Do I have to take something with me? Is it going to affect any of my other plans? All of this could be prevented by simply providing me with the details beforehand so that I could prepare a very efficient plan, it could be flawless. But now I have to do the same thing with so much uncertainty and lesser efficiency. Wouldn't that frustrate you too? Haha.
Oh yes. It also bothers me when people rush me emotionally. "FEEL THIS ALREADY!!!!" Chill bro, I will feel things in my own good time, you rushing me into this with your Fe will just make me want to doorslam you real soon.
Infj here 👋 Haha sorry that'd be me sometimes 😂 my feelings flow so quickly. Like I can't stay angry at something or someone for a longer period of time and I have a hard time being patient with my husband's Fi at times since he likes to sit with his feelings for a bit and I'm like "We're wasting time staying in this emotion for too long! Let's talk it through right away and get on with our lives!"🤣 haha but I did learn a lot from it 👍
@@JellyIsland Can't relate since my Fi is tertiary, most of the time I am just way too slow to realize I am feeling something or if I do realize, I keep pushing that feeling away to deal with it later, because I don't have time for that crap lol.
@@JellyIsland I get wanting to just move quickly to continue to make progress, but there are times when the same conflict arises after you've talked so many times that it becomes difficult to completely stop the Fi loop and get out of taking it personally. But alas, staying quiet about it and processing and trying to flip the perspective from, "I can't believe my wife continues to do X, that we've talked about before! I'm holding up my end of the said discussion... wtf" to, "Okay, is X not being done because I am truly engaging in the way that we spoke about? Am I enabling her to do X as optimally as we agreed to? Is she maybe not engaging in X as efficiently because she doesn't feel well? If that's the case, how can I help? Is this only affecting me, or could it also be effecting X? What's the fastest way to resolve this in a non-combative, non- aggressive manny because if she becomes defensive we're not going to accomplish anything and turn. A 15 minute interaction into a 4 hour conflict..."
The modern store is sensory hell. I need all the calmness (I go when there's as few other shoppers as possible) and the time to take everything in and not be overwhelmed !
For groceries I order online with their app. I pick the groceries up at the back door of the store. No delivery for me. Pickup has a cheaper fee. 2 Euros for minimal order of 30 Euros. I hate it when delivery comes and I am on the pot. Or any other incovenient time. Delivery timesslots are half a day upto a whole day. Pick up your groceries when you can quick check if everything is in it. No impulse buys. Just your grocery list.
Slow shopping, meaning looking at everything slowly, feeling the fabrics and checking prices in peace with all the time of the day is a delight. Shopping with salespeople breathing down your neck, too many people and too little time is hell!
This is why I've enjoyed working in telecom for 30+ years. I voluntarily work the night shift. Why? • Everyone wants the day shift. Yay! I get the night shift all to myself. Don't have to deal with the energy drain. • Because there are fewer people at work, I can get everything done as quickly and easily as possible without the nonsense office politics or anything else, and then loads of free time to do other things (I know tons of others who would be _bored_ with that). • Less traffic getting to and from work (less energy drain again). • Fewer people at the supermarket. While they're all working, I'm in a store that's practically empty (see the pattern emerging? LOL) • Sunday night, when everyone is going to bed to get work on Monday, I'm at the last showing of a movie, so I'm the *ONLY* one in the theater - a private showing just for me! You'd think I was anti-social or something.
My problem isn't people rushing me, it's people wanting things done that I haven't planned for. My mother has been doing this a lot lately. If you want me to do something, give me some forewarning. I don't respond well to surprises.
Probably the most frustrating thing is that in most situations, I have already planned out the most optimal strategy, so having someone else come in and introduce a new variable is like having someone throw a monkey wrench into a well oiled machine, which will only derail the process and make things take longer than they should. It's like if you're trying to juggle and someone randomly throws a ball at you. My go-to solution to this problem is instead of yielding to their pressure to speed up, I intentionally slow down and focus on what I'm doing while completely ignoring that other person as if they don't exist.
Ugggh yes! As an INTJ Tattoo Artist I get very frustrated when anyone tries to rush me. I have a system that works to include a full consultation to weed out impatient people. Every now and then an impatient gets through and its awful.
When I'm being rushed it automatically feels like I'm being setup for failure, because I can't make the best out of the situation by considering/examining/perfecting everything that is at stake. My brain just shuts down and I can feel paralyzed, like I'm already giving up on the task ; because I guess, might as well not bother to try if it's not gonna be good enough.
ENTJ here! I SOOOOO related to this! I have a very similar experience. Even though I have this specific process down to pat and similar ones, I still feel the same pressure to be lethally efficient. My strategy starts (and this has been a practice for over a decaded now) on entry at the store. I also have similar processes for a plethora of other things. The formula works. If I have cash, I have the exact amount calculated before hand so my budget is fully compliant. I military style collect items on my list in order and have a loose packing order into the basket or trolley. It's always the same order walking down the isles and packing structure. My bags are ready by the time I get to the cashier but I repack everything into the basket or trolley to organise into the bags at the packing counter later. The entire proces for a small shop takes 2 min and for a bigger one max 10 and that is pushing it. That gives me enough time to deliver a charming compliment the person in line behind me on something to invoke an amazing level of patients in them. I still finish as quickly as possible but with someone urging me to take my time. Much more effective and efficient and calmer. I love systems an processes like this for everything!
So true. I am alone during the day--even then, I try to empty and re-load the dishwasher and make a cup of tea and a snack in an as efficient manner as possible. And I feel stressed when I make an obvious 'mistake'--like going to the fridge twice for milk and cheese, or whatever. All of this pressure is manufactured by me and me alone.
I do something similar but have started to purposely zoom out my perspective when that happens and look at long term optimization to realize how insignificant the short term optimizations really are. Go to the fridge 3 extra times. In the big picture it won’t matter.
I don't even like dealing with my credit card, wallet, and receipt. Please do not add in cash or change. The change goes in a completely separate change purse, the cash in a separate part of my wallet, and the receipt goes in some bag where it won't get wet. I will go as fast as I can, but don't hand me a million things at check out. I also am completely inefficient at self check out because I need to pack bags perfectly, and the bags never open, I can lick my fingers because of the damn masks, etc. I hate shopping.
One time I was at the supermarket putting my items on the belt, and as I started unloading my last bag a woman came up behind me and started putting her own stuff on as well. I said 'I'm not done yet" but she just stared at me. I had to physically hand her stuff back to her to make room for my shopping, and she got weird about it. Unobservant people.
I have a golden rule which has really helped me to learn new ways of dealing with the world: I do not rush at weekends. I will purposefully slow down and take my time with tasks e.g chores, visiting people, cooking etc. Normally in the working week I whizz through these things and do not really register them and that kind of energy leads to burn out fast. When I do slow down I find I have more time to build efficiency in during the working week. I'll do thoughtful forward prep for working week me and it makes me feel a lot better. Maybe this will help someone else out there, idk...
This describes me me completely. Don't rush me, and I will actually complete a task Faster. There are mainly 2 reasons for this, as I see it. #1, I like to take my time to ensure EVERYTHING is done in a manner that it should be. And Secondly, I have always had an issue with "authority"...if I think someone Wants me to do a certain task, it makes me not want to do it. That one I've had to learn to deal with in the adult world.
We are not being rude; we have things to take care of too. Ex fast food drive-throughs, I know they are being timed and want you driving off the second their windows closes; I have been told this. But; I have to put my money away & the receipts as well as put my straw in my drink. This is my side of the previous transaction and are things I cannot do while driving or walking. This should not be seen as polite or rude. THEY CAN WAIT.
Anyone else see messages to 'rush or make this thing' and then internalize this and not reply immediately? Yet are of course working on the item in question? sometimes I don't even like to respond to status updates because that in itself is too much external energy. but just know I got you. I Like to reply with here it is, not I'm working on it.
I hate when cashiers do that.... yea people can wait but i still get kinda anxious knowing that people are behind me so what i do is just throw everything into my grocery bag or purse (whichever is easier) and then sort things out later quietly in peace 😌 It’s self-inflicted temporary chaos that i think is better than dealing with outside chaos from others which i don’t have control over 🙃
Why am I crying while watching this? As an INTJ, I should really remind myself that I can take my time. I am always afraid that if I delay a decision or action, I am losing time and other things I am not aware of. I guess I have to think of the best formula to do things more efficiently. Thank you for this video!!!
They CAN wait. It’s no biggie. Think how many people we’ve all waited on who don’t actually care about anyone else being affected by their conceited actions. If you’re ruining someone’s day because you needed a few extra seconds to put your money back in your wallet at the counter, that person is already beyond having a ruined day.
This resonates. I hate being rushed because people don't understand that I already figured out how much time I need to do whatever I'm doing and their rushing me isn't going to change that, it's only going to stress me out.
I took up ice skatiing to work on my Se. - Was going really well last couple weeks till as i was on my own in the class - yesterday i was joined by 3 other noobs and now the coach is coaching a bigger group with in the class thats way ahead of me. - Needless to say II felt rushed and BANG > toe pick > back slam > and now im lying here wiith a strained back and neck and in a LOT of pain - exactly as i predicted. Now i'm going to go to my own corner of the lesson and do my own thing in my own way or get private coaching.
What I can't stand is when they put the paper money in your hand and then put the coins on top so that they just slide right off onto the floor. People don't think anymore, neither the cashiers nor the supervisors. In the "old days" cashiers were taught how to give change back. And I never let them keep the change.
i thought i was the only one feeling rushed when paying for groceries :D having someone with you who can lend a helping hand would be ideal, that made me realize why when i go with my dad things go smoothly because we divide the tasks
"Do not disturb me." Also enrages me to the ground as an INTJ, I feel an urge to scream an beat at the person who did this to me and I'm pretty sure they notice it because it's written all over my face.
Absolutely. On another note, INTJs need extended time on tests. This is just the way we work. We want to be thorough yet precise and ultimately 100% accurate (we really care on a personal level about what we're entering as the answer); melding the two in perfect balance takes some time, but it is still bound by a legitimate time constraint, especially with respect to standardized tests. It's frustrating to me that we're expected to perform academically under a standard that isn't optimal for communicating to the teacher/school/board what we know.
As an intj with cashier experience, I can attest to the frustration on the other end when flow is not optimal, and I would try to make the experience faster and better for ppl. But I can agree and assure you, they Can wait.
Story of my life. I've realized though that sometimes it's my own Te that projects the need for rush to other people's requests. They CAN wait, they're even willing to wait and don't expect my immediate reaction, note taken, now I need to practice more.
I relate to this so much. If faced with a task that I care about, I always put it off, procrastinate, or spend ages thinking about it before delving into it because it's so much more comforting to remain in the introverted functions, because I can already anticipate how perfectionistic I'll attempt to be once focused on it and that stresses me out.
Yes. I quit a part time job because of this. I was hired with few hours, for 3 months. I went to work 2-3 days tops a week, so they didn't fully teach me how the meals were prepared. When I wanted to learn, due to that I was only the days they were fully booked, they couldn't teach me properly. So when they put me to prepare the meals, they change me to the grill. Which is fine to me. I prefered pour the meat and give them to make the meals. The restaurant had to close because of the building had to get better. I was relocated to other restaurant from the franchise (It wasn't fast food) The first day, they had everything set in a different place and they didn't need the amount of stuff that in the one I was. So I had to do the job of two and fast. The supervisor was the mother of the founder, so.... It was a disaster. I felt like a total failure. Incapable of doing nothing. Useless. Slowing the team. I knew that the next time it would be worse, because she didn't have patience and she was like: you already have to know how to prep the meals. And I explained her what happened: I did one job not 2 or three at the same time. I was in the Salad preparation and had to clead my place. Ok. But there I had to set the salads, wash the dishes and refill the meat, taking it from the freezer in the storage. I was lost😅 But in that restaurant were 4 instead of 12 people to do the job, because it was smaller and it has never been fully booked as the other one. So, she was mad with me. It was my fault after all. If the attacks were in a personal level, I wouldn't mind, but working? Oh no. Due to that, the next interactions were more than akward, I quitted, because they even cut more hours. I worked 15h-20h and now 4h-8h per week. Bye. -intj female. (It is a large rant, I know. I quitted, studied a short certificate from the government and working in a big company now, in a desk. Much better😌. The next step is grow my hustle job and make the business flourish to quit this one and focus on mine)
Spot on was just thinking about this very same thing. You can choose between staying calm and sticking to the plan. Waiting for more facts before you decide to draw a conclusion or make a decision. Or you can cave into emotional extroverted preassures and hurry up which ussually makes you make a worse decision or clouds judgment.
I’m not an INTJ but I hate being rushed too. When people rush me, I freeze and screw up more I just get more nervous I need to do things at my own time. It’s like my brain freezes. And that “they can wait” comment, is so true, and so easy to forget. I hate my Fe. I wish I was a selfish prick 😂
Love this video thanks LiJo! This is so true; I hate being rushed in life, and yet once I am forced to finish something in rush and if the result is not what I or other person want, I got frustrated and annoyed, the anxiety and anger eats me a bit inside. Luckily, my wife told me that I need to relax and they can wait. Bless her :D
It's funny, I RARELY even have cash on me for this very reason. It's not that I have an aversion to carrying cash, it's that I don't want to deal with the change, which pocket it goes in, etc....As for being rushed, I completely understand. I break a decision (such as a purchasing decision) down into steps. Step 1, research online. Step 2, go to a store and look at the items in person. Touch, examine, look at the package, decide it's not quite what I want. Return to step 1. After doing more research, there is no product in existence that does what I want, so ultimately the original item is the closest I'll get. Step 3, order on Amazon. Just an FYI, a really big purchase such as a car, house, boat, whatever can take up to 2 years of decisions. This has led me to buy expensive, high quality things since I know to replace it will be a headache and Se overload.
Excellent video Lindsay! I feel exactly like this when I go shopping. I rush myself because I think others are rushing me and then everything goes wrong LOL but them can rlly wait!! - INTJ
Lots of good insights here. As an INTJ, I have to slot every new piece of information or new process into my existing understanding of how the world works. This takes a little time, but once it’s there, it’s there permanently. If I’m rushed, it feels like driving off with something balanced on the car roof instead of it being safe in the trunk.
(ISTP) As a savior Se, the INTJ's in my life really appreciate the things I do for them in the real world. And since I enjoy making them feel good (Fe) I do so in abundance! In turn, where I'm all about the moment, they use their Ni to help me feel grounded in the progress of things moving forward.
It’s totally the same for me INFJ. _Younger, when parents wanted me to do things I don’t want to do, or told me at the last minute « we go, you come » (what, where, to do what, to see who, I don’t want, I am not prepared physically and mentally for this) _During my last 9 years relationship with an ENTJ (was a good relationship for me) I hated when he told me « there is party this evening » we had to eat fast, prepare fast. I am a very calm and quiet person, don’t afraid me, or rush me with no meaningful or useless stuff. My heart may race. Rush me is one of the thing which can make me upset and angry. Give me the time to prepare physically and mentally, if it the case I want do it. My time, my energy are important.
Resonated pretty well with me - I have also recently learnt this. Have been through lot of anxiety and name-calling due to this, but acceptance on my part has made life easier.
Because i was small for my age, except my mouth, i had a lot of problems with these bullies. But i used these same bullies in my work, when i was designing something, to protect me from these ever demanding project managers...
I love INTJ's! One of the few I can actually vibe with, relate to, and bounce ideas off one another. One of the best things I love about INTJ is that they are unapologetically, defiantly themselves and great independent thinkers.
As an INTJ I always had the same thing. Very relateable. Untill I started playing high speed strategy games with strict time limits like Chess and Poker. (speed versions) Helped me a lot getting over this 'rushed' feeling in more common every day situations. Learning how to make discisions fast as INTJ = superpower!
I so appreciate your education on INTJs! I'm in a new relationship with an INTJ and as an INFP it can be really difficult for me to intuit what's happening in his head. I've been watching your videos to help increase my ability to empathize with him. You're awesome!
can't agree more. tbh I won't shift this blame to others, BUT just a self-observation, most of the time when people rushed me, I would be less on-time and more stressed. yet if no ones rush me at all, things are always on the right track and well done. I hate being rushed, especially when I want to articulate my thoughts clearly. some friends like to rush on a conversation/debate or rush to get my opinion, i become less willing to talk with them. "Give my brain time, bro."
As the sensory channels are running close to max all the time, to ‘speed’ up either puts the sensory channels into overload with random items being dropped or I have to consciously decide what channels can be dropped to keep it manageable. Dropping inputs makes me feel like my output is subpar which is unpleasant, however in reality others probably don’t notice since they aren’t aware of what I left out. I have to remind myself of this disparity that exists between my brain and what others see and hear from me and that is ok to let the brain go into idle for a while and avoid mansplaining.
GOOD TO SEE that this happens to other INTJs. not that its good that it happens but its comforting to know that this happens to more than just me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) it is ABSOLUTELY ALL in our quest for perfection (i know...) BUT, also KNOW that it happens to other people, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not that that ^ makes it excusable but; KNOW that even though perfection ABSOLUTELY IS something to aim for, it EXTRAORDINARILY RARELY EVER occurs... regardless of the above ^, KNOW in spite of all that could go wrong as long as YOU FEEL you are exerting your best effort and even though it may not be 'perfect'; then thats still THE BEST THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE considering the restraints of the situation. THAT ^ VERY thought comforts me in such times. i KNOW. ABSOLUTELY. FOR SURE.
I need to save my energy. I need to be prepared for any future events. It’s the reason I hate rush. And I hate people telling me what to do or how to do if I already know it.
My biggest example of this is dealing with South Carolina drivers tailgating me. I have had SOOOO much practice dealing with "they can wait" 😂😂 I am so calm now with someone else trying to rush me. Especially since I put a bumper sticker on my car that says, "do you follow Jesus this close?" 😏
Omg...this resonates perfectly with how I feel everytime I have to pass thru security before taking a flight..I plan ahead and have the process defined and played out in my brain but it always feels rushed and overwhelming.
@@hirisquvidson7625 With logical thinking as my dominant I am happy Ne shakes things up. Without it intp's would resemble robots lol. Ti and Ne work well together if you know how to.
Yes! The cashier example is what I've thought about so much. I deliberately try to not be rushed. It's so hard to focus when people are breathing over your shoulder. Covid doesn't make it any easier too. The other thing is, Ni is screaming at me "Society shouldn't be this way/people need to have more patience." So I set the example based on my moral princicples. And I appear to be an ass with no situational awareness. The truth is far from that. Honesty when people try to rush an INTJ it has the opposite effect. It gives us more information to process. Our brains are already designed for efficiency. I beleive in doing things as fast as possible. But that doesn't mean I do them quickly.
INFP here When people tell me to do things faster I actually tend to slow down, because of how frustrated I get I feel paralyzed. I hate it when people Start to explain the process over and over again When all I'm expecting is to leave the work in my hand to me done by me without any external force of rush applied on me.
When I was in high school, PE was a nightmare some days. Se overload; in a game of kick ball, I dropped the ball like 4 times when it was kicked to me in outfield. Similar to your currency analogy lol
Recently I had this incident where I was rushed by cashier to the point where he was being rude and I ended up paying him extra. I got really mad and then I decided to work on a mental blueprint that allows me to efficiently deal with rushed situations. Though its still in initial stage, I can see better results already.
Omg I hate those little 1 cent coins! Whenever I go to the US and they charge X.99 I get stressed because I see tiny coins coming lol. I don't mind having a small deadline because I can get organized accordingly, but having a long deadline and getting a call saying "btw, now it's for today, so hurry up plz" is infuriating because suddenly the whole plan has to change at top speed, I think it's kinda like having an unnecessary rock in the way of quality not under your control
Happens to me everytime. My mother (which type idk, I only know she's a NT not an INTJ tho) always tries to rush everything and I feel like chaos and disaster everytime she does this. Same happened with my ex (think he was ESTJ), it was truly annoying.
I can relate to feeling rushed in line but for me it comes from a different place. As an ENTP, I feel the social pressure of the expected time to move along, which I assume is coming from Fe. Although we can rush folks on ideation, I also dislike being rushed from ideation to execution before we’ve thought it through (even if “it” is something I don’t care about). I’ll try to be a bit more patient with those who don’t answer questions rapidly because that’s where I get impatient (cringe at the pregnant pause).
This happens to me at work a lot of times, I have a timeline to do a project and suddenly that changes so i have to do it half the time. Then i rush and somewhere in all that rushing i see everything going wrong becouse of this rushing and thats when i take a timeout. Then i tell them to stuff this new plan where the sun doesn't shine.
