INTJ Childhood story time 

the script you have to go through to keep the conversation going with these kind people is so exhausting

This describes my entire childhood and young adult years. Playing dumb and wearing the costume got me the reactions from people I wanted, but not the intellectual stimulation. And eventually the price became no one took me seriously even though I was a wicked smart kid. Sad. At some point I realized there wasn't a single person in my life that I could talk to brain to brain, and that all my conversations were for others' benefit to make them comfortable. Suddenly I saw just how deep my oddness went. Being an intj is no joke.

ENTP: "You guys want to keep your friends?"

‘Playing dumb’ in childhood might mean going easy on a basketball game, being sillier or for some being more serious. I’d like to think that playing dumb is a child’s expression of humility. Hopefully as we grow we understand ourselves well enough to know when to hold back and when to be authentic.

Me as adult: Researching how to get friends. Gives up. Watches INTJ vids about relating to others...instead. Close enough. 😁☕

When in Rome do as the Romans do...it's kind of fun to simplify my unique perspective in human social interactions

That isn't necessarily a negative thing in the long run. You noticed what it took to change, if temporarily, your situation to make it tolerable and even enjoyable at times. Adaptability as a survival mechanism.

Thanks for sharing. Interesting "fake it to have social life" situation. I can relate to this in the adult hood.

You made me realize I still do this with my friends.

Most of the time I feel as if I may have played dumb for too long and now that I’m out of school I honestly wish I would have just been the “nerd” Especially being that I was STILL 🤦🏻‍♀️ referred to as one regardless.

Playing dumb slowed down my development when I was younger.. I would keep quiet to protect other people's egos and micromanage their emotions. It was so restraining not being able to talk about your quiet successes or ideas, since everyone would think I was showing off. That got to me as a kid. Once I stopped caring about people, I really grew. I also grew up around a lot of manipulative people, so that is a variable Can't wait to see your perspective

I was a sensitive kid during childhood and I was bullied in kindergarten and had to change schools during first grade.But when My Te started to develop I become the most coldest and sarcastic person you will ever meet.I wonder what I would become when Fi started to develop.

There’s something inherent to being intj that makes us feel like outsiders no matter how in the group we are. It could be being an NT woman, or having Fi where we have it and being oblivious to any fe or traditional si norms

Journaling helps intjs with their memory. The past has keys to our future. Missing those keys leaves us wondering what we need to open some of the future's doors.

I'm an INFJ and my childhood bestfriend is an INTJ. I remember a time when we used to fight all the time because she felt confronted by me whenever I tried to help her out with math. I remember crying because she often saw me as an opponent or an enemy, when I just wanted to help. This is the ultimate level of the INFJ x INTJ childhood😂😂

As an INTJ male, this brought back memories for me as well. I remember as a teen that often when I would make comments or observations of an intellectual nature it would go so far over my peers' heads that they would think I was stupid. This was the case despite the fact that they knew that I routinely earned higher grades than them and took advanced classes in every subject matter. I also do remember outgrowing them to the point where a former best friend commented to me (years later after finding me on the internet) that he was hurt that I seemed to have one day abandoned him and moved on with my life for no reason at all.

My wife is an INTJ who experienced a similar pattern of behavior during her youth. As a male INFP, I had to do something similar, but instead of leaning into my more feminine lead/auxiliary combination (FI/NE), I was encouraged by male authority figures to develop and display my tertiary and inferior functions (Si/Te). I wanted to take the time to let you know that it helped her to hear your story, especially in regard to the limited access you have when trying to recall certain memories. Nearly everyone in her family has Si as a lead or auxiliary function, which makes them want to talk primarily about things experienced during the day, or from memories they are reliving in the moment that are expected to have a certain emotional response (Fe). Anyway, I could ramble on and on about observations we've made about the subject, but that wasn't the point, so I won't. Great video! You have two new fans. Yay.

"Internet friends are great friends" 🎶story of my life🎶

I remember in kindergarten, my classmates were fighting over who broke a toy, that had been broken for the entire year. So I just told them, "it's someone from the years before", and for some reason no one seemed to understand what I was saying, and continued to fight over who, at the moment, had broken the toy... I'm glad my friends now understand me (INFP, INFJ, ENFP), or at least try to.

100$ #relatablecontent . A psychologist once told me when i was younger, "ok so you don't like that people only seek you out for what you know and what you can do, why don't you try to show what you don't know?" And boom, they started to like me as a person, despite how counterintuitive i found this. You sort of have to pander to people's insecurities a bit to socialize beyond small talk ime, and sometimes a wonderful thing happens where someone else is doing the same and after some normal human talk, the real talks begin to happen! Kinda like dropping the human suit and reveal the alien

When I was a teen, I made some efforts to "fit in" , but I never happened to feel good about it. I couldn't relate to most of the girls my age. I used to wear the same outfits all the time, I didn't wanna attend the parties, and I was always reading when everyone else was talking about the party last night. And it seemed boring to them lol. Well, I was (and still slightly am) insecure about myself but at the same time I saw myself at another level. So I stopped trying. Instead I tried to find my own people, and I did, I have very few friends but that's enough for me. I also learned to communicate intelligently.

OMG, this is so wild! INTJ here and I did this as well. In high school, I think it was my sophomore year, my INFJ Mom asked me why I was starting to act ditzy. She's like "Why are you acting dumb? You're a smart person. Just be yourself." It shocked me because I did not remember a moment deciding to do it but I absolutely knew she was right because I felt called out even though she said it with compassion. It was as if she saw that vulnerable part of me trying to fit in that I had not admitted to myself. But after that I stopped and just allowed myself to be my normal smart/nerdy self and did not worry if I had a lot of friends or not. I wonder if all INTJs go through this?

Omg, you've described my social life perfectly. I have 22 now, and still feel like i'm pretending to be someone else, at least partially, in order to be able to engage with my friends. I mean, i really like them, but i feel like i cannot talk about the things i really want to, because no one would be interested and it would be strange. So i think i always keep a part of myself hidden, and yes, play dumb sometimes, so that i don't feel completely awkward and out of place.

The irony is every type has been in this situation where they had to be people other than themselves to fit in. Charlemagne da God a classic ESFP spoke of how he became a bully picking on weaker kids so he didn't get bullied and so he can have social (SE) relevance. He said he regrets hurting people now. Some carry on till adulthood wearing masks. No one has it figured out yet so why not just be yourself? But it's not worth it at all. At the end of the day when you work hard with your what you are and have and succeed, people will celebrate you for your uniqueness. Elon Musk is a good example.

The way the thumbnail is on point made me want to scream:" FINALLY I AM NOT ThE Only one doing thissssss"

the “pickup artist gurus” talk about “persona fatigue” trying to be something you’re not gets exhausting >.< sucks when you’re an N dom because nobody else reeeeallly cares about N enough to go back and forth with us as long as we’d like to. sigh.

It's all good practice for adult life.

It is slightly cringey, yes. I'm an INTJ who's in high school and that's how I "play dumb". It's really fun and I like my friends. They are mostly Se and Si dominants. I integrate into my ENTP shadow by being sarcastic, clueless, and airheaded. I'd type that version of myself as an ENTP, 7w6. What's great about it is that my friends realize that I'm not actually dumb at all and they understand that I'm quite competent. Essentially, I mess around with them and that's how I made them is the first place. I'd recommend just fooling around and enjoying yourself if you're also an adolescent INTJ. You're young so take advantage of that. Just don't be an idiot, don't pressure yourself, and think carefully before you make decisions that could alter your future. I think that's needless to say since if you're an Ni dominant, you probably know and abide by that.

I had to play dumb for a while, it shocked me that some people didn't think as fast as I do

Lijo I love you. You just explained my whole life and you have helped me discover i am a SEVERE INTJ to the max. Thank you for everthing ❣️"thats all it took?" REALLY hit me

As an INTJ kid, I didn't play dumb. And I literally had no friends. But I didn't mind. I did get bullied, but I fought back. Lol. Later on in life, I'm surrounded with smart people and gained real friends . Mostly INTPs and INFPs. Won't have it any other way.

I recently realized why I've been thinking others considered me boring. It happened when I was in grade school. Probably second or third grade. I was always thinking about bizarre stuff, like why physics works the way it works, why I don't see the same thing when I close either the left or right eye, etc. The world's complexity enchanted me when I was in kindergarten. And I never talked about the topics I was fascinated by with people. I never knew that on a conscious level, but I was intuitively sure they'd freak out if I brought up something like that just out of curiosity. Or it'd be more accurate if I said I was just scared talking about that. But there was a day when I wanted trying to talk about what I was interested in. So I asked my classmate: "Have you ever wondered why...?" (The topic was so eccentric that I couldn't recall it.). And they looked at me silently with extreme confusion. I even felt they were disgusted when I saw their eyes. That was probably the first time when I felt dumb and misunderstood. It was like, "You're stupid, boring, or whatsoever." So I never spoke out about my odd interests ever again. I have no idea why this case caused me to think I was boring, though... Maybe just because humans consider unrelatable things tedious. After that event, I kept going with a parents-teachers-adults-pleasing attitude - just as it was before. And I'm doing that even now, yet on the unconscious level. I hate that. I feel like I'm losing myself while growing up. Also, I often think I'm not smart enough to be an INTJ. But if I am one, then I've been stuck in a NiFi loop at least for 10 months.

I have the exact same relationship to my childhood/past memories that you do! Never remembering them and once in a blue moon something triggers that story etc. I barely even think about the past most of the time. -INFJ It's that Ni-Se axis. Focused on future (Ni) or now (Se).

My issue was that I couldn't play dumb, sure I tried at some point but I was already too far into being the "smart kid" at the time (not to mention the high expectations put on me since I was small and the childhood trauma that made me afraid to be weak), so I just never fit in and I was aware of it. For example. I would hear my family laughing and joking around in the living room and I used to try to join them and joke around but every time I would try I would end up being too serious I guess and ruining the fun. It was like this in every social interaction until I just stopped trying to interact with people and self isolated myself because no matter what I did i could never relate.

Oh wow, I’m actually in tears because this was my *exact* experience as a child. I felt like I was watching a dance I could observe and understand but in which I could never participate. It was a real struggle for me and I felt like an alien, like everyone else was communicating in radio waves meanwhile I’m talking in hell, I don’t know, magic crystals or something. Scientifically verifiable or not, after learning my MBTI type things have just fallen into place. It only took three years of intense study but *now I have found my tribe* !

I played dumb in order to get through one of the many internships I did many moons ago. I learned a whole lot about the organization and the people there even let me into their "inner circle" at one point because they thought I didn't really know what was going on so it didn't matter if I "heard things". It was great on one hand to be given that level of trust but frustrating because of the fear of being found out. In hindsight it really stirred up an inner conflict of desiring to be real and unapologetic of structuring things that had great opportunities for success, while knowing that hiding the intelligence meant being included, trusted and generally liked. - INTJ

This brings me to tears because I know very well that situation. I don't remember much from my childhood as well and it's probably better that way. As a teenager, being an outsider hurt. The more I tried to fit in the worse it was, I was bullied for 6 years. I've found my ways to deal with the lone wolf role, always standing by myself, but sometimes I just wish I can lean on someone. Luckily thanks to MBTI I can see I am not alone in this. Thank you for sharing.

I was bullied pretty badly in middle school. Of course, at the time, I didn't know that what was happening to me was bullying. I thought everyone just hated me because I was smarter than them, and I thought that was normal and what kids do... I had a group of friends while in middle school and I don't remember dumbing myself down for them but I distinctly remember having a lot of conflict with them, and feeling as though they just tolerated me because they were friends with my "best friend," so they just included me but didn't value me or care to have me there. This "best friend" was also not a real friend. She would only hang out with me until someone better came along, and it would KILL me inside every time she would choose to sit with other people instead of me. I didn't know I was an INTJ at the time and I didn't understand how big of a deal loyalty, priority and reciprocal/mutual relationships was to me. I couldn't process my emotions or feelings at that age so I just would get into so many fights with her over this... Now that I'm 30, I could never even fathom the thought of fighting to be included in someone else's life or be put first, because knowing me and having me as a part of your life should be a privilege. I was really fortunate though. For high school, I applied to the best high school in the city and got in and was suddenly surrounded by a sea of like-minded people. There I met my actual best friend who is an INFJ, and I simply ADORE her. And I also met my other life long friends from that school. The majority of them are intuitive. All truly intelligent, independent, thoughtful, openminded, kind women who value me and prioritize my being in their life. When you meet your tribe, it's like the stars align.

I always found new and innovative ways to embarrass myself as a youth. I eventually learned how to harness it by bottling my awkwardness into humor. But when visiting with an old high school classmate, they said they thought that I was funny. I don't remember being funny. I remember being laughed at. But I developed a saying, "If you're going to make a spectacle of yourself, at least sell tickets." And I use little one-liners and dorky flip-flop type punch lines where the joke is the unexpected one-lines.

I feel like to survive in social groups as a young INTJ, you have to learn how to fake a lot of behaviors that are common to others but not natural to the INTJ themself. Thank you for sharing this experience because I didn't even fully realize how much I did this as a kid until you talked about it!

I never play dumb anymore. It's my last year of middle school and I've never made better connections than being patient and filtering through different people. When that connection comes, it just happens easy.

Personally I feel like environment growing up makes a huge difference. From the age of 0 to 7 it was just me and my mom and she would never encourage me to socialize & as a result I was super reserved as a child. Whereas when she died and I moved to another country to live with family members I went from being 1 of 2 to 1 of 7. And although I'm still an INTJ and very much an introvert I find it a lot easier to mingle with others as I was sort of forced to in the second half of my childhood. I still prefer to spend time alone, but its not as hard to fake the niceties.

So relatable! Til now I'm already in my adulthood I'm still playing dumb or acting "lazy" for some social interaction. 🤣 For me, this personality developed in a very healthy kind of state to be a sociable INTJ with some witty sense.

So relatable, I'm glad u touched upon this. I always act kinda dumb as my shtick and now it feels effortless, but some people take it at face value 🤣 it's just everyone's mixing seamlessly, talking about movies they've watched, nd I haven't, or I'm not interested. It feels so socially awkward because I don't know what to say, or where to start to join in, so I just add weird observations/ random humour for my own and other's amusement :)

I just opted to grow up without friends. I don't need friends who want to hold me down. Made some in high school, one with quite inflated reputation, so students were actually competing to get in, which greatly increased concentration of growth mindset within my local population. Didn't last for a very long time, but it was a nice change.

Yup. This is exactly it. I thought I was being manipulative but I had to do it. They always challenged me when I spoke my normal way, so "being dumb" was the easiest option.

Makes me want to cry just connecting to your story and feeling this reassurance. I have always analyzed and broken things down like you do, and nobody else seems to perceive or experience the world in this way. Even the way you describe humans as "humans" rather than "us" is something I resonate with. It's such a strange outside feeling, but I compensated heavily by developing a humorous persona that got me through many years of interaction where my shadow or entertainer type side would come forward. I actually even enjoy participating in this part of me now at times. But this idea of my interactions always being catered toward how I can adapt to the other person is something I don't quite always know how to handle even at 30. I have transitioned into being more unabashedly myself and authentic as time has moved on. But I have also basically accepted that there are masks we can willingly put on as a social lubricant that provide us all with a common ground or basis from which to interact from. Thank you

INFJ here. I feel like I relate to this, though I might say that I had/have to fake being "shallow". Like, caring about day-to-day happenings, gossip, slap-stick humour, and what not. To be self-deprecating, play dumb, pretend to care about shallow conversation topics, extrovert, etc, is SOMEtimes fun, but always extreeeemely exhausting. And it's a huuuge and ongoing temptation, because, as you said, it works. 🤷‍♀️🙃

I don't think I ever changed to fit in during school, was the weird quiet kid that would have my hands in pockets. I forgot the way I would human with others was to talk about video games cause they were not a mainstream as they are today. Haha just reminds me of how akward it is to be a teen

As much as my parents force me to get offline friends, I can't vibe with anyone except ones online.

I feel known. This characterised my secondary school years (11-18), to the point that I didn't know who I was anymore. The social coping techniques I had developed became my personality.

Same for INFJ, we adapt to maintain harmony, but It's not easy to be interested in small talks. When I was a child, I nerver organize birthday party, I didn't understand why I had to give st catherine cards to others "friends" girls. My father force me to do sport, whereas i have always been thin, he wouldn'd I stayed in my bedroom, force me to move and go outside. Parents ISTJ & ESFJ : "You never know what you want", "You have to do this like this and not in an other way" All my life, most of time was "I don't know"& "Why ?" I didn't care what my parents offer me or not, all I just wanted is the peace, the harmony and to be understood. Not the negativity and see/heard conflicts. I never understood with other children/teenagers/people were so negatives, and hurtful, act bad. I hated holidays camps, I got no fun by playing/singing with others children, create things was fun. Each years et scholl and at sport, there were always 1 or 2 stupid guys to boring/annoy me. Speak was uselesss for me, I find it useless to says "hello", "good bye". I always hated to be carted, I always find it nasty and not funny at all, and disrespectful. "Oh we can't joke with you, laugh a little" Childhood and life is not easy for INxJ. When I see children, I hope they have good parents. I am so greatful to life for bringing me anxiety and depression, thanks to this I discovered MBTI. Discover this thing is one of the best things and knowledge happened to me. Since the beginning I see the world and people differently comparing to most of people, and after learning MBTI, I see/understand the world and people a level above. I understand why we call us "old souls", cause we are mature since the beginning. At kindergarden, I didn't understand why children have to sleep during the day. I could't do like others children, cause my brain never rested. The routines, the useless and stupids rules. At kindergarden, children colored sky in white, and clouds in blue. Me : Sky on blue, clouds on white. Sorry to all the blue markers which suffered. At 6 years old, I reproduced perfectly the pictures. I though It was normal. At 3 years old, I knew Santa Claus, the mouse for teeth, didn't exist, because I already knew people lied to me. Most of people though I was stupid, whereas I was surely just too mature for them. Happy to be weird ^^ Our time and energy are important.

I think we naturally play the game with our cards closed to us, I always feel like the dark horse in life not being obvious but always getting ahead of everyone else. When you want to join groups and make friends you have to open your cards to relate to others usually we play a card we want to show and discuss but others don’t get that so it’s easier to ‘play dumb’ or to have fake cards out so that people can feel comfortable around us.

I was selectively mute at 5 years old. I have an identical twin, which was useful. She did all the talking and her friends were my 'friends".

I remember pretending to be the class clown during my childhood, like being a gagman, doing stupid show at the back of the class to gain friend. I do it for like 1 1/2 year and get exhausted. It was then I thought that I dont care about not being like or not have a friend anymore. They can come and leave if they want

My love for my IxxJ friends is because I saw you all doing this. You guys are so smart and quite. I love you!!! But, I’m an ENTJ so, NTJ love and relatable. I’m like a blast last too so, I was just so awkward and totally just embraced it. Yeah, make fun of yourself. People like smart people who also don’t take themselves too seriously.

I remember deliberately writing wrong answers to classroom quizzes (nothing very important, mind you) just so I wouldn't get called out for having the high score. And I had to be careful of what vocabulary I used--I got laughed at in Middle School for saying "apparatus" in science lab (after that I made it a point to just call the experimental setup "the...thing". I'm self-typed as INTP,, but I think INTPs and INTJs are very similar in this regard.

I can relate to this playing dumb is something I also learned helped me to be ok too. I remember not fitting in with other girls they went to the restroom in a pack and asked me once ... I went and their behaviors seemed alien to me preening gossiping talking about stupid surface stuff... I remember thinking I can go to the bathroom by myself I dont need or want a pack of girls with me and wont become less me to fit in with your weird group! It seems illogical to me..

I totally limited my potential in many parts of my life trying to hold on to people or giving them my time and having to conform to their expectations when I was young. Outgrowing people doesn't mean you don't care about them. If you cannot be yourself with them, then they are not your friends anyways. It sucks, but life is suffering and the only one you have can also be cool if you let it.

Didn't have many friends in school, but I was friends with a lot of their parents and grandparents. Still today, most friends are at least one generation older. Instead of dumbing myself down, I naturally gravitated toward smarter and wiser people. Either approach works. I feel like I gained a lot and had a leg up in life by associating with the older crowd early on. Love personality theory b/c it gives us the legitimate "why" for what might otherwise seem a bit odd. #INTJ-T

My mom always get mad at me when I lost a friend because of my personality, and I really feel insecure because of that, but I just cant keep a relationship stable, only for a few people (welp those few people are introverts also so we understand each other). Thanks to your vids, I understand my personality very well and lessen up my insecurity in interactive with people haha xx

I honestly had zero friends in high school, I had a ton of acquaintances but no one that I could spend lots of time with. I bonded with people over music and it was my only gateway to conversations. Metalheads were accommodating to everyone no matter how weird they were so I would just hang with them and talk about the latest metal bands. In reality I wanted to talk about philosophy, psychology and religion but no matter how much I tired no one cared so I just sat with the group, commented on albums I liked and read books lol.

I remember how hard it was for me to come to terms with the idea that not everyone had good intentions and that some people just weren’t going to like me no matter how nice I was-and I was constantly setting myself up to be hurt by expecting good from everyone. So I developed a cold alter ego that was terse and didn’t care. Once when a kid was being just plain rude I told him “Your bangs hide the lobotomy stitches really well.” He seemed shocked and confused and I just kept a straight face and kept being cold. The second I had a chance to get away from him I whispered to myself “I got that from a Calvin and Hobbes book I’m so sorry.” ENFJ here, btw. I just freaking want to be friends with everyone and believe that they want that too. Being rude to protect myself almost kills me. Thanks for sharing! When I noticed someone who wasn’t vibing as a kid I always tried to help!! “Hey I heard you’re into (thing much more likely to be interesting than other things you’ve tried)! What’s that like?” Or “Hey *this awkward INTJ* is so great at *impressive thing I can brag about on your behalf*! So cool!” I’m sure we all had that thing we had to fake I around.

As far as life stories, from 1-10 I give it a 10 on the relatiability meter.

I can still completely relate to this video though, I find it impossible to stay out of my own head. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but I'm starting to learn that just because I'm rare it doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Oh girl. I'm ENTP. I have to do this to exist harmonically with my coworkers. It's so painful. I hear ya.

When guys said to girls: You are the most unique girl I have ever seen in my life. Girls (inner voice): That's a lie. Me (an INTJ female): Never doubt that for a sec! (meanwhile log onto Quora to check if "most unique" is grammatically correct)

As an INFP I also strongly relate to this. It is very hard for me to feel the connection worthy enough to maintain friendship. I've always felt some kind of weird and like I'm the third wheel in every group of people... Until I met my long-term INTJ boyfriend (now we are both outsiders, but we have each other 😄) and my (probably) ESFJ friend from college who gives me enough attention and makes me feel like an important part of the group. I also have like 3 friends who somewhat understand me and accept me the way I am, and that's it. But I'm grateful, it's not about quantity but quality. 😊

With age 11 i started reading the encyclopedia... It is alphabetic, so i could find the things that interested me. So then in school the teacher said something to the class. And then i would respond with saying, "wrong, this is what you mean"... And ofcourse the whole class woud fall over me... Until the teacher said... No, he is right.. (This i not a good way to make friends...)

100% relatable even regarding childhood memory loss. Thanks!

I played dumb for whole month , it was just to much . I knew what was happening the entire time,but I still let that happen .

I remember doing this kind of thing. Sometimes I would already know the answer to a question I would ask. Or I would already know the answer to something, but I wouldn't say it right away so that it didn't seem weird.

Looking forward to your vid. I feel this too! Definitely amplify my interest in topics I find less enjoyable, but I would never say I play "dumb" just because my Fe is too strong to de-value other people's own attributes and functions. I find myself more light-hearted, listening, and bubbly about day-to-day things (and a bit less abstract) with people I get along less naturally well with.

Scary relatable 👏 I often still do this, with a twist. I Do it to understand the other side and assess whether they know anything worth knowing. The irony is real.

I used to play around being dumb and silly to make myself look interesting coz then people would laugh or just think I was cool. Idk- its shitty how every human is different and yet we all are expected to act the same to feel accepted. So I've learnt that I'd rather be alone instead of letting myself or my originality get degraded only to have friends.

This is so #relatable honestly. Ive always felt so weird about not fitting in. I always thought like, wtf was wrong w me, everyone had always got along with others and I just couldn't fit in, so I kinda started to neglect all the ppl from my age. Then I started staying at home, which it was (and is) what I usually prefer the most, and my friends just left me behind. Can't say I don't deserve it, lol.

I hear you loud and clear. We as people are afraid of ruining the mood, of being criticized, of creating discord. Basically we're afraid of attracting menacing behaviors to ourselves, and we fear incurring in a faux pas that will get us sent away from the group. So we feel attracted to those that laugh, because their aura is welcoming, not menacing. And we're attracted to those that make us laugh, because they take themselves less seriously and we suppose, right or wrong, but a bit instinctively, that it'll take more to offend them. So when you gave a dumb answer to a normal question, everyone felt relaxed, because they didn't offend you. Kids that are serious and quiet usually can't be manipulated with cute voices. Naturally everyone felt better. You took it a bit far, as a kid would do, for experimental purposes, by not showing the actual you. And it gave you the expected results. But in the end you owe it to yourself to be who you truly are, and you owe it to other people to show up as yourself as well. That way, you're reaffirming that it's okay to be who you are, and that it's okay that others show up as themselves as well. And that's revolutionary for humans in its own way, as we grow up. I like storytime! Greatly.

Hi LiJo, I understand what you are talking about. I think what you experienced in your middle school years is the "Pratfall Effect". When you showed some vulnerability by making a mistake, your friends were able to relate to you. You actually were human after all, totally capable of making a mistake or doing something dumb. I think for INTJs folks learning to be vulnerable is a skill we need to develop if we are ever going to have effective relationships with the other 98% out there.

As an INFP, and having dealt with neglect and poverty, I would have to mask and conceal my intellect for snacks at 'recess', lol. Good characters, my friends, however, I felt inauthentic in a lot of the more juvenile interactions and continuing to poorly socialise myself at this expense for resources turned into both a pattern and a block in my emotional growth. Now I'm a more healthy social chameleon with a lot of unlearning to do and codependency :'p

I can relate to this, I have one friend and Dont try to be who Im not anymore and that the best life I have ever lived. Thanks for sharing that!❤

the title hit different because even now i still have to play pretend in order to keep friends and family around. it’s been so exhausting and i’m actually trying to get rid of that habit.

Weirdly enough I did this as an ENFP to an extent as well. I did it though because when a popular kid would say something kinda dumb, people would laugh. I picked it up and did about the same as you did, at pretty much the same time period. I realized though that it was the principle of showing off being relatable. Dumb is not the only relatable, but it is the most apparent one. I kinda figured out over time to show flaws in a more fun way without making myself feel or look dumb to others. That way, people are more likely to show their own flaws and be more comfortable being themselves around you, and they open up more. Now we can get to the connections I actually want to make. Now we're in business! So yeah as a few other people point out, it might be a more universal child thing. However, I think it sits different with different types and aids in the way that they mature faster.

This is why I've always felt more like an alien than a robot. It's funny you say "buzz kill" because I have always had that problem. I can kill the mood with profound efficiency. It's getting better though. As it turns out, humans are a lot more receptive to a friendly alien than a mysterious creature in a not very convincing human suit.

I just share witty yet childish memes with my friends and it scratches both of the needs to feel smart and included.

I’m an ENFJ and whenever I get nervous and become socially excited to where keeping up with conversations/different vibes becomes impossible, I play dumb to make others laugh. Probably a bad habit but it’s acts as a defensive if I don’t know how to respond in the moment. But my INTJ best friend sees right through me across the table hahaha

I did the same way with my middle school friends, and it helped me realize that I was just different, sucks that we have to create another personality which is very diff from who we really are to be able to get along with others, it’s like establishing your real self (within you) and at the same time showing your false self to everyone else

Yes. I feel this. Afterwards I need 2 days to recoupe the exhaustive acting.

I'm sure my INTJ fiancé could relate as well. In November, she told me that she toned it down, or played dumb around her former roommates. I wouldn't be surprised if she has a similar childhood experience. I'll ask her at some point. As for myself, because I'm an INFJ, I blended in with others in an Fe way. My Ni-Ti is well developed though, so I'd occasionally make people feel uncomfortable. In fact, I had 1 friend right out of high school that I tried to discuss the migration of humans out of Africa into other parts of the world. He literally thought that we all came from separate primate ancestors that lived in different countries. So imagine a Japanese, Chinese, Russian, Egyptian, or Italian Lucy. He basically didn't want to talk about it, and maybe I was a bit condescending. After all, I studied the subject on my own, and anthropology was the 1 college class that I got an A+ in. I thought of it as common knowledge. Nowadays I just stay quiet, unless I can tell that person's interested, or capable of keeping up with me.

I resonate with this, I, to this day still have to play dumb, I call it..dimming my light. I have to do it at school, when with professionals or physicians even. My mind can hold a lot of information, so I know a lot! I love to learn, but it seems my insights always seem to overwhelm others. I also say and think of really strange things that no one else, especially growing up can comprehend! (Sidenote: Also, I have a very low grasp Si...I completely forget my childhood.) I never could keep friends and still don't and my childhood was quite isolated and, well, lonely. I think Ni users likely have the hardest time maintaining long term relationships or creating really deep and balanced friendships. Yet ironically, everyone always comes to these types for advice, assurance and reflection. Ni users are needed, But not in the way the majority of the world operates. I'm sorry you went through this, but you are brilliant and I hope now, as an adult...youll never dim yourself ever again ❤️

I too was a loner in school even-though surrounded by nearly 60 classmates and 150 over schoolmates from different classes!! I always see them as less serious and they see me as being too odd and serious. So somehow none of us ever fits in. And I really don't understand why the masses enjoy certain types of sports and activities against my own personal interests. Imagine the only person who enjoys listening to Beethoven, reads Shakespeare and Plato at the age of 15? Even my own family treats me as an outcast😆😆😆😆. I remember one Christmas party where all of the kids my age asked me what games to play, and I said "Let's do Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream......." and they told me to "dream on...."😅🤣😂🙃😁. Only now I understand that it has to do with being an INTJ.

Bhahahahha "the buzzkill just walked in"... " an I'm just like is this how the humans do the human thing" 🤣😂-she gets me I'm so in love

still do this all the time... and it's exhausting. oh, I was also told by a friend once that i should "keep it simple" when interacting with people, because they way i usually interact and topics that i talk about are just incomprehensible and weird. imo, f*** such friends who give such advises 😅 be yourself ❤

Well, had to play dump even when we are aults now from time to time.

'The buzzkill walked in' is the most accurate way too describe my non existing social interaction Damn, what a relatable video :0

Being fake is so desgusting. And pleasure others is much more desgusting. I forced myself to be a fake and every time I felt like a $_it. I have no friends now and just hell yeah. Freedom.

Thanks for sharing about your childhood Lindsey. It’s striking how similar are childhoods were despite the great gap in our ages. Strangers in a strange land. . .

It makes me kind of sad hearing this. You shouldn't have to be someone else to have friends. On the other side, you were a teen and this is somehow something that teens do. Experiment and learn and experience yourself. Growing towards the person you are or develop into the side of you that you want to be. I'm glad you figured that out only two years later (: Greeting from Germany, an ENFP.

I'm an INTP, and I also felt very isolated in my group of friends. Luckly, in high school, my group of friends and another group in the class dissolved at the same time, and I became friends with the nerd from the other group. Eventually, some girls who needed better grades became our friends, but we weren't as close. Because I had this one friend with whom I could nerd out, I didn't feel so lonely, but it was hard to socialize with other people, especially at parties, with boys. So I decided to make a social experiment too. I completely changed my behavior at this one party, I even made up a different name and life for myself, as if I was playing a character. I kissed a lot of boys that night. So I realized I could overcome my social barriers if I wanted, heck, I could be anyone I wanted if I just played the part. But I felt more comfortable being shy and quiet in a corner, talking only when something truly interested me. Even though I still wished it was more natural for me to be this social, that experiment helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin. It was actually a lifesaver throughout high school. When people ignored me or made fun of me, I could always remember that night and think "yeah, it was fun, but I'm happier being me".

Interesting as INTJ, i went completely other way after trying to fit in a bit like you by pretending, but i found it quickly soooo exhausting.... and then i separated myself from most ppl and become observer of some kind of real life documentary (social hierarchy, mating rituals of human animals type of thing), since i didn't wanna go to their lvl of .. silliness and irrational behavior which i found extremely perplexing i guess (hence observing),... I become that one smart but quiet kid that didn't really fit in but was not separated completely, they would come to me when they needed help or music cd/dvds and i would demand sacrifice of chocolates for it XD ... i just needed them to grow up, and really first true friends i found only in my collage years.

Wow, I did the same. I even realized that some of my friends/ friend's parents enjoyed explaining things to people so I would act like I didn't know what they were talking about so they could explain it to me. Before I did that the conversations would end and become awkward since I would know exactly what they were talking about and finish their sentences. I wanted to continue and get deeper into the discussion but for them, it was "more fun" to explain the idea. I quickly learned that it was just too much to keep up. Even now I find myself continuing these habits for the sake of making it thru a workday. Nowadays, I'm thankful to have friends that I could just be myself with. I sometimes even caught myself playing dumb for men that I've dated in the past. It was draining but they really like it. I no longer do it lol.