It's a Book About NOTHING! | The Missus Review 

This reminds me of those slice of life, fluff fanfics that you read simply to see your paring interact with each other. Nothing really happens, but you enjoy it anyway because you love how it makes you feel. Like literary comfort food. The only difference is The Missus focuses on characters I hate and couldn’t care less about.

The three minutes of Krim and Her Highness the Book Queen interacting is more romantic than anything El James has ever written.

Krimson going "Notice the abundance of nothingness that is occuring in this scene" is making me imagine a sommelier trying to sell a particularly tasteless wine lmao

He had to do an edit with the sponsorship section. Even if you have already watched, please have the video playing in the background

First there was “The Mister”, then “The Missus”, if James makes a third book it’ll probably be called “The Mister and the Missus.”

I'm just going to reiterate what I said about El James before: I pray to every god and demon in the multiverse that she's haunted by the ghost of every tree pulped to publish every word she's written. And I'll add that she owes the universe every watt of power wasted by the presses to print them.

Me: My writing sucks, I don't know if I'll ever make it as a career author. The Missus: **exists** Me: Oh wait never mind I'm an amazing writer.

Last November, I made my first attempt on a romance novel. My mother offered to review it. She said it sucked, possibly due to my lack of experience. Well, at least it wasn’t THIS bad.

Just realized an easy way to make Maxipad’s “oh no, am I gonna pass on a genetic blah blah blah to my and Alessia’s kids?!” thing work sooo much more: have it be that his and his mom’s relationship ISN’T strained in the first three quarters of this duology. Think about it: halfway through The Missus, Earl of Thiccdick here finds out that he’s got nothin’ to worry about genetically ‘cause he and Kit were only half-brothers ‘cause his mama’s a hoe, and THAT’S what makes him grow to resent her, ‘cause he “thought better of her”. This way, you a) have his central conflict evolve over the course of the story, & b) open the door to both some character development AND some self-aware comedy when Maxipad does some soul-searchin’ and decides to bury the hatchet ‘cause, after all, HE’S a hoe too

The cunning plan line is probably a reference to Blackadder, British comedy show starring Rowan Atkinson. The character Baldrick has the line “I have a cunning plan” regularly but the plans are stupid and/or obvious. So Maxim’s plan being dense actually somewhat makes sense.

Trying to get through one of Krimsons videos without saying: "Wait.....what?!" at least once is nearly impossible. The baffling decisions in these books are numerous.

How El james managed to write a _second_ book on an otherwise boring premise is one of life's greatest mysteries

Here’s a meaningless statement to feed the almighty algorithm. Praise our RU-vid overlords.

A book so forgettable that, even watching a re-upload of an in-depth video on it, I can't remember a damn thing that happens. Can't wait to watch/listen to this 50 times while working!

I admire Krimson's self-control to go through this video without using that "NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING" meme. I had to play it in my mind several times.

Speaking as someone who has an older sister and feels less successful than them, if they had died and I dreamed about my own body replacing theirs on the slab, my initial interpretation of the dream would be "The wrong child died and I should be there instead of them." And I imagine that's what most people would assume a dream like that to mean looking through a purely objective lens. For Maxim to have that dream and come to the conclusion that his brother is rooting for his success, he either thinks highly of himself to the point of narcissim or he's so far removed from any relationship with his brother that they'd be strangers if not for similar genetic coding. The narcissim route could've worked if James refined the idea, but I doubt it was intentional on her part.

Ok, but credit where it’s due. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?” “No. I’m going to tell you to fuck off!” Is a pretty funny exchange. It gave me a chuckle.

This book serves as a great sleep aid

I'm a novelist hoping to get published. If my books are bad, at least they're not boring! Very encouraging to know the bar is on the floor. Thanks for the confidence boost, Krimson!

Today I, a cis woman asexual, learned that "blue balls" is not just, like...a metaphor? And it was thanks to a krimsonrogue review of The Missus. I now have to live with this fact forever.

The Missus feels like EL James tried to right a slice of life book, but forgot what makes those kinds of books good, predominantly good and enjoyable characters. I love seeing characters I’m invested in in domesticate and peaceful situations, the simplicity of it all combined with wonderful characters carries the simple plot dynamics. But the Missus doesn’t have the enjoyable characters to carry along a slice of life, so it just falls flat in its face before it even begins to walk. It’s lackluster and dull books like this the fuel me as a writer to write in the first place, it pushes me learn and evolve my writing above and beyond simply out of spite for crappy books who care so little for the art of writing.

These videos are so rewatchable that I don't even need to play it in the background, I'm just excited to listen again. Which is really impressive when the story is about nothing, lol

Well since you had to reupload, I have to re-comment. The Gin craze was in the 1800's, so I feel like that was a plot point from when this started as a period romance set when gentry were actually still landed by and had responsibilities from the crown. It's also adding to Maxim's family having a rather destructive impact on the poors beyond sharing a name with the architect of the Potato Famine in Ireland. Gin saw a massive spike in acholic addiction, grisly accidents, and even deaths by alcoholic overdose. And while the poor were chastised, the rich were praised for being able to give speeches sloshed.

I didn’t say it the first time I listened to this, but I just want to point out that the coffee scene at 22:28 is kind of frustrating because I’m someone who’s written a short story where two people have tea in the park and ITS SO EASY TO MAKE IT MEAN SOMETHING, E.L JAMES! I had the antagonist bring the protagonist tea in a truce moment because he was curious about what the hero was doing there. And the comment of “how do you know how I take my tea” comes up to subtly show that the villain actually cares about the hero enough to know what his tea order is! It can have meaning, every scene can have meaning, no matter how small, and James and people like her frustrate me. Because they keep getting rewarded for the crap they put out.

It's kinda funny that the only plots EL James can (even kinda) write are about abusive men being abusive, and it's even funnier that she wrote two books without plot to prove she wasn't limited to writing about abusive men being abusive 😂 the traffickers and Alessia's scorned fiance are some of the only plot either of these books have but they don't even have 50 Shades' conflict because Maxim isn't a raging sadistic narcissist like Christian Grey so it's up to the abusive men side characters to make up the difference lmao

The fact that your cat is named the same as mine (Ash) makes every bit where he appears quite hilarious. Also Ash (MY ash) jumped in front of my TV as I was writing this comment, which is right after I saw you tell Ash (YOUR ash) to stop messing with your tripod 3 times in a row. Great Ashes think alike I guess, these lovable little demons.

Sorry for the reupload folks. Had to fix something for the sponsorship ad in the beginning, but everything should be in order now. Enjoy the review (because I find it hard to believe that anyone could enjoy the book)!

So glad this video is back up! Cant wait to watch it all over again like i do with al of Krimson's videos lol Also, ill put my old comment here again: Please bring the Queen of the Book Throne on more often! Shes awesome.

I love the Book Queen popping in to give us a little sex education. I was lucky enough to be taught this stuff in school but I know not everyone is, and considering how well known James' works are, that has the risk to be dangerous to potential readers. Additionally, very cute dog. 11/10.

Community post gang here to support Krim!!

Calling your fiance 'woman!' put a smile on my face. Thats the same kind of relationship i have with my wife, and, 15 years later, we still get asked if we just got married. Loving your partner is critical, but liking them is just as important. Hang the traditional wisdom 'don't marry your friends'

To paraphrase a saying one of my closest friends likes to say it sounds like the experience of reading The Missus was Krimson discovering E.L. James's rock bottom had a sub-basement.

The most terrifying thing about maxim is the potential of him sitting in the House of Lords

Reposting my comment: After all the bad books Krimson has put himself through, I'm glad to hear he's reading good ones like 'Legends and Lattes'. The next book coming out is a ?prequel? called 'Bookshops and Boneshards'. Hope he enjoys that one too

35:00 That kills me that James is not only unknowledgeable about how boners work but how effective contraception pills work. Even if you get on the pill, doctors still ask you to wait a month before having sex for it to be effective at keeping pregnancy at bay. EDIT: YES, I KNEW IT WAS A MONTH, THANK YOU FUTURE BOOK THRONE QUEEN

James's biggest problem is that at her core, she is a fanfiction writer. And that's fine on its own, but fanfiction is not a novel and fanfiction writers are not novelists. You cannot write about your original characters that no one knows any about the way you write fanfiction - fanfiction can be meandering with no charcater building because you're obstensively attracting an audience who already cares about the characters and just wants to see said characters interacting. Novels require more and different skills that she's never practiced because she just...published her fanfic with the names replaced.

What I appreciate most about this review is being told about Legends & Lattes. You're right, Krimson, it IS a great book.

Krim and his fiancee are much more engaging than the main characters which like. We get 5 minutes tops in this video of them interacting but 2 books for Maxim and Alessia. What a nightmare of a book, thanks for the hard work! Lovely watch

The interactions between Krimson Rogue and Lady Rogue were so freaking sweet. I hope she comes back and it becomes a running bit! Someone's got to combat all this bad women's anatomy in these damn romance novels.

When Ms Krimson described the three-day pill regimen, we both said, “No,” at the same time, in exactly the same way.

Watched this before but didn't comment, so lemme just put one in for the algorithm: Krim is so talented that he could hold my attention for almost 3 hours on a topic that is *literally nothing*. Amazing job, man.

Dunno if you see this, Krimson.. But I picked up Legends and Lattes as audiobook after the first posting, and I absolutely loved it!! It was so relaxing and comfortable to listen to. So thank you

I think "Cunning Plan" may be in reference to the Blackadder series where Baldric has a bit of a catchphrase "I have a cunning plan" which he says in the exact same tone every single time and I always thought that was funny

Props for the Caddicarus shoutout, that man is criminally funny and underrated. Krimson is cultured af.

Into the Dark, Dark Wood is a great book that explores slow-paced minutae while building an incredible intrigue. Normally I hate slow paced books but every moment had a weight and helped build towards the ending, so much so that if you skipped a page you'd miss something important. I have read a lot of books that tried and failed to capture that.

Here’s a little way to fix certain parts of tea scene between Alessia and her mother: “Tea?” She offered sheepishly. There was a slight hesitation in her voice. A unexpected response from a woman so usually sure of herself. “Yes, please.” Alessia managed. She knew what was coming, and yet, still, she had to ask. “What… what did you think about Maxim?” Her mother took a moment to respond. Not a good sign. “He seems… very nice.” She managed. Oh. Her mother does not approve. ‘Nice’ doesn’t bode well. ‘Nice’ is what people say when they don’t want to insult someone, or when one believes the relationship has little to no future. She swallowed her disappointment. “He did help me a lot.” She tried to make a case on Maxim’s behalf. She loves her mother, and she would have liked her to approve of the man she was to wed. “I know, dear.” There was a finality to her voice. Punctuated by the spoon tapped against the china cup.

I know I made a comment already but I want to say something again, this time on the point of Alesia's trauma and how El James dealt with that(or more accurately how she didn't deal with that). Here's how I would have done it(disclaimer that I only write as a hobby, I am in no means a professional): Obvious first step: In the first scene where Anatoli shows up again, have her react in a way that displays her trauma. This goes without saying but someone who's been trafficked and nearly assaulted would have a pretty significant reaction to seeing the perpetrator of that crime the literal day after it happened. How she reacts could go a few different ways, but to be in character with her characterization as a borderline doormat in the first book, I'd go with something of a "freeze" response. Maybe going silent, or at least quiet, not being able to tell him off, minimal movements, basically trying to create a sense of fear in her visual expression. In this situation someone else would likely have to come in and help her out of that situation, though I'd make it clear that someone else's word wouldn't be enough to stop Anatoli from causing issues(aka foreshadowing). Second, focus more on her searching for the other girl that was trafficked. Not just in regards to her doing it, but also why. Obviously it's just the right thing to do, helping someone in that terrible situation when you're able to is a good thing, but there could be layers to this. Maybe she's using the search for this other girl as a way to distract from her own trauma, or she feels guilty that she was able to get out while others couldn't, or any other list of reasons. Maybe she focuses on this goal to an unhealthy degree, to the point where her own issues get worse due to how much time she's investing into 'fixing' the situation she'd been trapped in previously. Third, adding more signs of her trauma. Given the lack of actual s*x scenes(Unsure of if RU-vid censors comments)in this book, it would be hard to use those to show her trauma(which they would likely have to given what almost happened to her). So I came up with an alternative. If I'm remembering right(I believe it was brought up in this video as well), Alesia was stuffed in a trunk when she was kidnapped. It wouldn't be a stretch to have her trauma in some way associated with cars given the circumstances. Specifically things like the sound of the engine or the bouncing of the car whenever it hits a bump. Something like this could be used to show her working through her trauma. Cars are used a lot to get around, and it would be kind of hard to avoid ever using them. Maybe she gets some sound-proof headphones to deal with the engine's noises, and maybe she tries to make sure whoever is driving her places at any given time drives slowly enough that bumps aren't that big of an issue. Over time, using these methods of making car travel easier, she grows used to cars enough that those specific issues become easier to deal with. I would then, by the end, put her in a situation where she doesn't have those safety nets, and possibly even needs to driver herself somewhere in an emergency(I know she probably can't drive, she's never mentioned as having a license and considering the behavior of her parents I doubt they ever taught her). While it's still tough for her, she's worked through these issues enough that she's able to manage, likely because whatever this urgent matter is pushes her through. And that urgent matter is my last point. Finally, a climax to this plot line. I mentioned earlier that I would have ended the first scene with Anatoli with a promise that he wasn't done. We already know that he's reckless enough to kidnap someone, why not have him do it again? Though, as a parallel to the first book, have him kidnap Maxim instead. How would this work? I have no clue. After all I'm not writing a full book here, I'm just throwing out ideas on how to fix this one ignored plot point of Alesia's trauma. In this scenario, the roles from the end of the first book are reversed. Alesia now needs to go out of her way into a dangerous situation to save Maxim. She'd be forced to face the man who caused her the intense trauma that, in this version of the story, she's been dealing with all book. She's obviously not chill about it, likely still displaying a lot of nerves and possibly flashing back to her own kidnapping, but she pushes through it to save the man she loves. Now, instead of freezing up like she did in the first scene(in this iteration of things), she not only stands up for herself but fully stands against Anatoli, tearing apart his claims about how her new life would be terrible and no one would respect her, and that even the worst people in her new life are better than he could ever be to her. It's a moment of power for her, likely catching Anatoli and maybe even Maxim and whoever she might have brought with her off guard, but in the full context of actually writing out a full plotline related to her growing as a character, it makes more sense and would, if done right, be incredibly cathartic. If I made any mistakes in my references to canon events in the story, I apologize. I'm writing this before finishing this watch through of my review, so a lot of details are based on what I remember of the first book's review and my go through of this video before the reupload. As Krimson said this is a book about nothing and it's hard to remember details so if I got anything wrong, that's fine, it doesn't really matter. If I got anything about trauma as a subject wrong, then that's on me, most of what I mentioned is based on my own experiences with my mental health, as well as the experiences of those around me. I doubt it's perfect, but it's likely better than the nothing that is El James' take on the topic.

1:30:45 the funny thing is, she isn't. There's rich, and then there's wealthy. Rich people shop at luxury department stores like Harvey Nichols. *Wealthy* people don't shop, they have a personal tailor and get everything hand made to perfectly fit them. If she wanted a moment like that, she would have name-dropped an actual famous designer. Or, alternatively, it would have been the place that all the wealthiest women go to get hand-made clothes; which is typically going to be like Milan or Paris. It also could have been Savile Row if she wanted a more comedic scene to follow (Savile Row has the best *Men's* tailors, which Maxim would obviously go to for his own clothes, and he could be played off as comedically clueless by taking her there).

When she writes "You're holding the console upside down," I think her only experience with video games was a DS, where it could be reasonable to accidentally hold a console upside down, and assumed this was how all games worked

Pets can sense human distress and at this point probably associate yours with recording these videos. I wonder if that's why they kept messing with the tripad, to neutrolise the situation. 💖

I watched the entire video but couldn't remember a thing about the book. When it got taken down, I thought I had a REALLY extensive dream. Now that it's back, it'll be like watching it new again, because I can't remember what happens!

Tucker and Ash are always the best part! So...do you still remember reading this?

It's back 🔥 happily watching the whole thing again you deserve it

"So we go into the publishing house, tell them we got a book about nothing?" "That's right!" "They ask 'what is this book about', I say 'nothing'?" "There you go!" "... if you were anybody else, this would go horribly." I guess the people who like this book like it because it's kind of a comfy story? A couple and their life after being married? ... At least that's what I would say, if it weren't for all these potential plot hooks. But with all those, it doesn't fit in that kind of story, so I don't really know how this is supposed to have major appeal.

KrimsonRogue: "It feels like...Alessia is just going along with this because Maxim is the first guy to give her any positive attention because every guy in Albania is a piece of sh*t. The last time I met a woman with a questionable taste in men like this, I proposed to her." *gets hit by alicorn plushie* Me: *laughing as Miss Future Rogue laughs* That was great. :)

In addition to the Future Book Throne Queen's comments on birth control, you generally start the pills after the end of your monthly flow. The one's I take have a weeks worth of placebo pills to maintain the habit while you have your flow, but you start a new pack, for daily use, after you finish (Generally on a Sunday to be consistent.)

The running gear line could be fixed by changing it to something like "Thankfully the suitcase I always kept packed for last minute business trips included a spare set of running gear" and throw in a mention that he had time to grab it, or get someone else to bring it to him while waiting for the first available flight. Hell, maybe have one of the other characters bring the suitcase for him.

I'm at 2:37:05 and I JUST realized the book is over and Krim's giving his conclusion. I've seen some shit endings before but never one that's so poor I didn't realize the story was over right away.

I think when James said she "loved Albania," she might have been referring to her loving how the country _looked_ (i.e. the landscape) rather than anything about the country's people or their culture. Granted, I don't know how she put it in her own words, so that could be totally wrong, but it feels like the best reconciliation between her treatment of Albania and its people in her book versus her outspoken opinion about the country.

As I think I said on the first upload; I can't decide if el James is grubbing for cash or terrified of irrelevance but I'm fairly sure it's both.

Having Krimson critique bs books in the background as I sleep is weirdly comforting

About the coffee scene in 22:28 I want to note that even in a scene that says nothing about those involves James's protagonist still manages to stand there and do nothing while things happen around her. Terry Pratchett had a similar scene in the Aching books where his protagonist traveled and had all sorts of (mis)adventures before going home and scrubbing the floor. Her mother said something similar and wondered if the girl isn't too good to do that now but instead of fanciful thinking she went back to her normal routine of house chores and they all made her seem far more mature at 9 than the 20 year old twirling in her pretty dress while her mother made her coffee!

Discovering that Krimson both watches Caddicarus and also enjoyed Legends and Lattes was by far my favourite part of this video

Just finished rewatching the dissection of The Mister and I’m ready for more garbage!

Ash being such a silly little guy Krim has to hold him and strum him like a guitar is so goddamn cute

I read Legends and Lattes on his recommendation, it’s really pleasant, and truly an easy read which was very refreshing. It’s definitely simple

Its actually insane how youtube will show me content creators i want to see one week and the next completely shadow ban them. Sorry this upload didn’t please the algorithm god but i did seek you out. Later is better than never

To repeat my old comment The cunning plan thing is a black adder reference

This story would’ve been helped with a second male lead. Like a guy that Alesia can compare to Maxim especially with Alesia hear how maxim slept with his brother’s wife(?). It could also make maxim think about how he’s not the best.

We need more Queen of the Book Throne! She was genuinely super interesting to listen to, I loved her input

Posting for the algorithm: These books are a great motivator to finish any one of my books. I can't do worse than these

I 100% believe that rake line was straight up plagiarism. The entire 50 shades trilogy was twilight plagiarism and now that Bridgerton is in she has to rip that off too. edit: also the reason Alessia is playing Clair de Lune in because thats what Edward was listening to and Bella comments on in Twilight and she was too lazy to find another piano piece since her whole life is centered around ripping off Stephanie Meyer.

commenting for the algorithm! No idea why you wee forced to reupload but I will watch it again

Legends and Lattes was one of my favorite book of last year

Holy carp. Seeing The Book of Knowledge brings back fond childhood memories. For some reason, my parents owned the full set and I would spend HOURS reading through them!😊

If anyone has to read actually good fictional family drama comparing albanian and 'western' european attitudes on language, life, gender etc. from the inside of that experience, please have a look at kosovan finnish author Pajtim Statovci's novels! They're absolutely captivating ❤

1:22:06 'Cunning Plan' is almost certainly capitalized because it's a reference to the British comedy show Blackadder, in which Cunning Plans feature widely to the point where the phrase "I have a cunning plan" is in I belive the majority of episodes, if not every one. As (you can probably guess) a Blackadder fan, this makes me very sad.

I love your refusal to learn Aubergine's name.

every day im thankful that someone is reading bad books to tell it, making tasks and drawing so much more fun

Hearing about the little scenes that still mean something made me feel good about my story. It's just a fanfic of two friends mosty just hanging around their apartment but I still always try to have the scene mean something.

"Tuck, you're ruining the shot" Excuse you! I think Tuck should take over the entire review like he did the sponsor segment

Engagement? Engagement.

The Future Book Throne Queen had to take over otherwise Krimson’s palpable rage would obliterate the throne she worked so hard on to make comfy.

Really glad this was reuploaded, I was SO sad when I couldn't find it 😅

The term 'Cunning Plan' is reference to the British comedy sitcom 'Blackadder'. In it is a character called Baldric and at times he tells Blackadder that he has a cunning plan, the joke being that the plan is terrible, and that Baldric is an idiot.

Once more for the algorithm! All hail the Queen of the Book Throne!

And. Here. We. Go. Again! *Stitch's maniacal laughter*

Hi Krimson! Thanks so much for the review! Absolutely love your content, miss the "Book was better" series. By the way, I VERY often binge rewatch your "Krim's Masochistic Tango" playlist, thanks for adding this vid to it so fast, but you missed November 9 review!

I listen to your reviews as I write. Help me remember that I’m doing okay. And it’s a hilarious time when I look up during breaks.

Rewatching this and commenting to help the re-upload!

This is my second time watching the video. I still can’t believe so many words were written down yet NOTHING happened. This might be proof that *nothing* actually exists.

The reason why I love watching your videos is that during the review you also give some writing advices, which as a beginner writer, it's super useful Oh and knowing books like these can get published helps with the self-esteem.

this book reads like a pre-first draft where you're trying to decide what the plot's going to be, with all those connective tissue notes in between certain scenes (ie. 'he shoots him') in places where you got stuck and decided to circle back to them later. except you never circled back and just published it without revisions beyond grammar edits. given how difficult james is purported to be during editing it wouldn't surprise me if her editor did just that.

thanks for the Toradora reccomendation, it's a fun read so far! it'd be cool to see you try your hand at one of those manga-into-light-novel adaptations (whether that's just reviewing the novel or comparing to two), if that hasn't already been done :)

The birth control thing: you also only take a placebo during your period to help you remember, etc. You specifically DON'T take the actual pill during your cycle because otherwise it wouldn't happen lol. You have to stop taking it for a time to let it happen, then resume again.

Ash messing with the tripod was easily the most gripping part of this.

I believe the Cunning Plan part is a reference to the British sitcom Blackadder. One of the characters, Baldrick, is an idiot who always claims to have a "Cunning Plan" to solve a situation!

I got the shivers for a moment cause I thought you had uploaded about a third book. I was like "OMG she wrote one MORE nothing burger" 😭 Glad this is just a reupload 😂 (rip to all of the lost views tho 😢)

"Serviceable" is an editing note I put next to something to suggest it could pass in the final draft if I absolutely can't make it better, but that it COULD use work if there is time/opportunity. ....... "Serviceable" shouldn't be your ending.

So excited for the Forth Wing review! 💣