Nihilistic Cringe | A Review of Stones to Abbigale by Onision 

di-did he just burn down a school for an unironic punchline

*Seth is shooting up the school, killing 52 students, making it the second worst mass shooting in American history* James: ROLLERSKATE TIME

"If you can use anything apart from rape, don't use rape" is advice a lot of authors need to hear

Just a friendly reminder that the "barging in the significant other's classroom to make out in front of everyone" scene had already been done in another story: My immortal

Me: *insecure about my writing* Stones to Abbigale: *exsists* Me: I am the God of literature and you shall bow to me.

"He doesn't do anything significant for the rest of the book. I mean he dies at one point" is arguably the greatest quote i have ever heard.

He tried to legally change his name to James Jackson. To recap, he tried to legally rename himself after his self insert And he named his daughter after said self insert’s love interest

the mental picture of James _rollerskating_ into the school and then having to STOP and TAKE THEM OFF because there's too much blood on the floor is the funniest thing ever

Onision bragged-yes, bragged-that he hadn't read a book in fourteen years when he wrote Stones to Abbigale.

i'm sorry but i haven't thought of something funnier than "man roller skates into school to stop a mass shooting, but the floors are too sticky, so he takes them off and continues" in a VERY long time

“James is a better version of myself” I’m sorry, a BETTER VERSION????

I feel like a book called “Stones to Abigail” could be a mystery novel about the protagonist being close with a girl named Abigail, and then she suddenly goes missing. The protagonist then receives some weird notes attached to rocks, and the notes give the protagonist hints on where Abigail is and how to find her(aka Stones leading to Abigail).

what's up i'm greg, im like 40, and i never learned how to write (edit: every time someone likes this comment I lose a day off of my life)

Those colour coded tabs took you from "I'll bring your daughter home by 8" to " I'm your daddy now"

"I was kind of a loser in highschool and *I* wanna beat this guy up" As a girl who is currently kind of a loser in highschool, I concur.

Crazy how everyone who has reviewed Onision's books is super attractive.

"But, UNLIKE the school shooting, this actually has an effect on James," Excuse me wHAT-

This book is a lot like a naked banana. It lacks appeal.

As someone who was actually accused of and interrogated as a "possible threat to the school" for liking a song- saying "I wish everyone would disappear" is 100% something a teacher would report you for. (The song was The Balled Of Sarah Berry from 35mm, my teacher reported me for talking about the plot of it and not only was I interrogated, so we're the kids who sat near me)

44:48 I performed music for the FLOTUS when she made a campaign appearance at my university back in 2016. Secret Service was there 48 hours in advance and locked down the sports arena. We couldn't bring our instruments with us on the same day but instead had to check them in and leave them with the Secret Service 24 hours before the event started. The ONLY things students (including us) were allowed to bring to the event were our wallets and our cellphones (both of which were checked again upon entry). And of course, there was the general rule of thumb that for every Secret Service Agent and canine we could see, there were three that we couldn't. TL;DR The President and the First Lady don't just "go" places.

"A loser in high school who never got over being a loser in high school". That describes Onion all over. To the point he's still trying to "date" high school girls.

Nihilistic Cringe would be a good name for a band

Onionsan has done the world a great dead with his books. He's given countless writers the confidence to publish their own work by setting the bar infinitely low.

The letter James sent to Abbi reminds me of the anti cyber bullying PSA my school forced my class to watch where a guy gives a love letter to a girl and she sends it to her friend, who then posts it online, but the letter was so creepily detailed and stalkerish (I don’t remember the whole thing but apart of it was like “I’ve sat behind you for years, when you walk through the halls I feel faint”) that when the PSA was done my entire class was like “he deserved it”

A kid rollerskating into a school shooting and taking off the rollerskates because there's blood on the floor sounds like a really funny 4chan comic strip

Is it bad that I love how the internet gangbang hates Onision? Mainly because he deserves it

I'm half-convinced that Onision was a science experiment to create the most socially radioactive human being on the planet.

There’s nothing wrong with having an protagonist with a superiority complex and more than a chip on his shoulder. Flawed characters are interesting characters. However, if their flaws aren’t treated as such or they down change then you have a shitty self insert at best. All of Gregs protagonists are like if Peter Parker was bitten by the spider but never lost uncle ben and never learned that important lesson of responsibility, just abusing his power to take what he wants.

The protagonist never refers to anyone as a person because Greg is a narcissistic sociopath. He doesn't view other people as actual people. Every other character in the book is either an obstacle, tool, or object of sexual desire.

As a writer, this was really helpful because it's a guide on how not to write on basically every level. I feel illuminated.

The worst part about the firearm misclassification is that Greg was in the military

To be fair, I’d say the school guidance counselor character is actually pretty realistic - one time I had to miss school for a week because I had to go to a mental hospital bc I tried to kill myself and when I came back to school I learned that my school counselor had told a bunch of kids’ parents where I was and by the time I came back other kids were making fun of me for having to be hospitalized 😭

James: is the very embodiment of r/iamverysmart r/incels and r/niceguys Readers: *critisism* Onisions: is this like a personal attack or something

"He took his rollerskates off because the floors are sticky with blood." You could have made the entire review about that one line, and we would have gotten the whole picture.

Him having a tantrum when Abby confessed what she said is one of the few things in the book that seemed real. The actual Onision is a complete sociopath who lacks any form of empathy, sympathy, and remorse, so he probably would react like that. Especially considering how abusive he is to those in a relationship with him.

It’s a shame because “stones for Abigail” would be a pretty sick band name. Too bad it was taken by captain onion man.

Stones to Abigail sounds like the name of a terrible emo band

Greg is in his 30s, his target /main audience are girls 14 and under and he's writing teenage sex scenes. I'm not saying anything but draw from that what you will taking into consideration his "alleged" past.

The worst part is that Abbigale was a real person and this is Onision writing a fantasy about her.

"[T]he speed at which she attaches [etc...] suggest prior sexual abuse"-- good for you for knowing that BPD etc. are trauma disorders. It's amazing how few people see any connection between early trauma and lasting behaviors / personality traits / etc.

When your book handles mental issues, abuse, and bullying worse than 13 reasons why, You screwed up.

Don't apologise for the kitties making noise they're just running around because they're happy

Onision roller skating into school but having to take them off because there's too much blood is incredibly grotesque, horrifying, but mainly hilarious.

The idea that he drew upon "personal experience" is the most terrifying thing about the book.

I love how Onision got all heated about Aeons criticizing the annoying best friend character he wrote because he's supposedly an homage to his real-life dead friend, and yet in the book he's just killed on a freeway. Some homage, huh?

the abbi character portrays every teenage girlfriend onision ever had (and all his gf's were underage when he met them). broken emo girls who desperately look for a lead in their life and then find him to controll every aspect of it and belittle their broken soul and feed them to be even more sad, not fixing them

It's funny, how he made fun of people who cut themselves and here he's sexualizes someone who does it.

The part when James is beating the shit out of a bunch of jocks is hilarious because at one point, someone claiming to be one of Onion’s classmates recalled a story of how he decided to piss off a group of emo kids who then beat the fuck out of him. I imagine that was a pretty common occurrence, knowing Onision’s personality.

This books sounds like it was written by the entirety of r/incel

My Immortal: I am the peak of nihilistic cringe written by what seems to be a prepubescent. Stones to Abbigale: Hold my beer My Immortal: Oh...oh god!!

one of the greatest lines in literature "how can I turn that frown upside poopy poo poop" really thought out and is greatly symbolic for the entire story.

1:02:59 - 1:03:23 -- I love the implication that Onision forgot the word "down", replaced it with "poopy poo poop", then forgot to change it later.

Oh my god Obama was literally there and then everybody clapped for Greg

Abbie has a bad home life? Sounds like Mr. Struggle to me

Hey Krim, you'll never see this, but I watched you all throughout my early and late teenaged years. You were like a cool nerdy older brother when I was struggling with depression and an addiction. Now I'm in a stable marriage with a little baby. Thanks for being there, buddy!! You kept me going.

Well to be fair to the school administration, after the deadliest school shooting AND an ex-teacher burning the building down, in the same year, i would close the school too. Shit's haunted man

Ok...but like....is NO ONE going to talk about why the hell he had rollerblades....at all...??? Wasn't he planning on going to school...??? Didn't he ride the bus...???? How did he even have room....????? I have a pretty decently sized backpack...all I can fit in there is books...maybe a waterbottle...(if I'm feeling determined) So how did he fit rollerblades in his backpack...??? Did he just not have any books in there...??? Did he have a part time job at Sonic....??? Why even write in a rollerblading scene.....????

Seth: has fight with girlfriend "BeTtEr ShOoT uP tHe ScHoOl!"

You can't have a "guns make school into a living hell" scenario *and* a "badass saves the school" scenario. If the main character can take out the shooter without *also* having a gun... then that suggests that anyone can take out a shooter without a gun (and just didn't because they weren't the main character). No: to drive home that guns should be controlled, you have to present them as *overwhelmingly unfair.* That, no matter how much of a badass a person is, they lose to *anyone* with a gun. Present an extremely fit sports star, with training in multiple forms of martial arts, and yet they're reduced to the status of "everyone else" when faced with a machine designed to inflict lethal damage at long range.

"The boy who nearly saved the day" That's the most left-handed compliment, which is made even funnier by the fact that the author probably didn't intend it that way. Addendum: "Like a muscle reflex" well his natural, automatic response kicked in, he might've started not to be the center of attention.

Opinion/prediction: Onision isn’t going to react as strongly to your critique as he did to Strange Aeon’s because you’re a man. Not that he enjoys criticism from anyone, but he seems to get more upset by women’s critiques than men’s. Except Shane Dawson. Great video, btw.

Ah yes, the shower. Because when I talk about past trauma, I want to be literally naked and vulnerable, because that makes it easier, right? Seriously, the one time I told someone about my trauma, it was in a car, windows rolled up, doors locked, in a safe and secure area. When you expose something like that to someone, you want everything else around you to be safe, because your mind will be going to a place that wasn't safe for you, and if you do that in the wrong circumstances, it could actually traumatize you further.

Normally I'm not really into long book reviews, but your delivery, observations, and explanations are excellent, informative, and entertaining. And, unlike Onion's book, you give a lot of personality and are rather relatable. :) Great job and well done! I am off to watch more of your videos!

"How can I turn that frown upside poopy poo poop?" That is the worst dialogue I've ever heard.

I flew through the nondescript halls on my Heelys through a sticky sea of blood. There was no time to put on my knee and elbow pads as Abbi's life was maybe, possibly on the line. I arrived at the cafeteria to see carnage. There were body parts everywhere and I could hear the sounds of the crazed monkeys that escaped from the Zoo getting ever closer; there was no time to waste. So I wasted time, and decided to watch my teacher almost get shot, the raging, sociopathic, hate-boner growing in my Jeggings. Mrs. Stanley screamed at him again, "You are an embarrassment! A disgrace! How dare you, you scum!?" Upon hearing her verbal condemnation without hesitation, I watched her increased perspiration and agitation turn to desperation, as she saw his perturbation; she couldn't see the differentiation of her irrationalization within this provocation that would lead to her life's discontinuation, or at least result in hospitalization. I stood by to watch this altercation on a distant table, the elevation giving a better acclimatization for the coming domination that filled me with jubilation. Seth whipped his MP5-N toward her like a sword being unsheathed, time again felt like it had drastically slowed as his weakened arm struggled to steady his aim. Anyway, Jason at this point runs in and beats Seth into a coma and stares intimidatingly at the aforementioned, unrelated monkeys and they decide to leave calmly, giving a polite, synchronized bow before exiting. All in all, I can definitely say that it was a pretty eventful Tuesday.

It didn't hit me, until you reached the 'poopy poo poop' line from Davis, that you - and others - actually had to go into this book blind and read things like that with your own two eyes. Thank you, and I am _so sorry_

They didn't get "A"s, they got "passing grades". A passing grade is a "C". There should be tons of students that would be screaming about this demotion in their grade point average.

49:01 "What if a younger person tries to read something like this, because they hate themselves and they want to hate reading" got me 😂

Idea: r/anythingbetterthanonision where everyone posts their writing with confidence, because the only requirement is that it must be better than these books.

I hate it when writers like onion use really formal language to sound smarter or edgier. "Inspire some acknowledgement of my existence" ???? who says that? like just say "I wanted her to notice me" or something geez

“Turn that frown poopy poop poop” I don’t even think that’s ironic humor, like when PewDiePie named his pig in Minecraft peepeepoopoo

“There are a few good things about this book” it’s flammable :)

Onion boi: like it’s your fault for being abused. If it were me I wouldn’t let it get to me. Also Onion boi: WAAHH!!! Someone online criticized my book!!!😭😭😭😭

"Seth found out that Abbie was pregnant, which resulted in him punching her stomach several times." Ngl I screamed at that part WTF

Not gonna lie he couldve called Alex Piss Jar Boy the rest of the book and that would've made things more interesting

Apparently he actually wrote an email like that to a girl irl. And she told him it was creepy and to never talk to her again.

Krim...honey, it's not worth it.

Most of this book sounds like it comes from r/thathappened.

All it takes is an Onision book to turn you into Cringin' Rogue lmao 😂😂😂 I'll see myself out.

After watching a recent video on greg's written web rants about his highschool years it made me realize that he's more unhinged than some would've thought. He got rejected one time for a creepy letter he sent to Abby and instead of moving on, he decided to make up a fanfic where they got together, and as a form of revenge, he made Seth, an abusive douche. No wonder one review mentioned a "continuity error on someone's vocabulary", yikes

What I learned from this video: So Onision wrote a book and *AWWWW KITTY*

"James comes across as a sweaty neckbeard guy who uses the term 'm'lady' unironically." YELLING

Honestly, I'm glad Onion Boy wrote these books. Any time I need inspiration for my own stories, I rewatch one of these reviews. They never fail to fill me with creative fire, because no matter what I do with my worldbuilding and storytelling, I will _always_ be better than this.

I love how Onision had the shooter place explosives in the school that failed to go off just like the Columbine Shooting. He then made his next main character (the book: This is Why I Hate You) dress up in a black trench coat just like the 'black trench coat gang" that Columbine shooters used to do.

he refers to people as "humans" or "creatures" to detach himself from everyone else and to seem "woke" by looking at everything from a broad "philosophical" (if that makes sense) perspective instead of a focused social or cultural one. he wants to relate everything he observes back to the way he thinks the world works and the way the FoOLiSH people around him act. it makes him seem DiFFeReNT.

To everyone out there: if you didn’t write Stone’s to Abbigail, you have no right to think you are the worst writer in the world. That title goes to Onion Boy.

I love how you're dragging Onion boy through the mud but also talking about how his ideas have potential to be used in different ways and not just diss anything he writes immediately with no explanation as to why it's bad. It's refreshing and makes for great writing advice

As a person who was struggling with mental illness for majority of my teen years (and who is still struggling) im so tired of authors using different types of illnesses and traumas as a convenient plot device. Its so disrespectful to view a person only as an object - something to be fixed or saved, especially when this person is still a child and the world is still very confusing. Being mentaly ill teen isnt pretty or mysterious or emo... Its fucking tiring, neverending nightmare and it would be great if authors could recognise it for what it is and participate in destigmatizing mental ilnesses.

I'm gonna start a death metal band called Nihilistic Cringe and the lyrics to my songs are all gonna be passages from his book.

"Writing from a personal experience can save a book." Onision: This OC is me but is better in every way.

I had to fuckin pause at 46:11 because of the "The boy who nearly saved the day" line. Edit: The boy who nearly lived, come to nearly die.- Voldmirt/Tim Roddle

Just from the first fifteen minutes, this sounds like Onision tried to cast himself as the protagonist of a high school harem anime. Except that even the most awful high school harem anime protagonists are infinitely less vile than Onion-senpai. Their worst crime is usually utter blandness, not sexualizing preteen girls.

Casual reminder that Onision, a former military man, doesn’t know firearms.

3 years late but police do not take their K9s for walkies. They are kept at the station until they're dispatched. Also K9 units are not trained to be aggressive. They are trained to take down suspects in a very specific manner; they latch onto their arm and drag the person down. Once they're on the ground, the puppers do shake, but that's to inflict enough pain to decrease the chance of the suspect fleeing. Again, a well trained K9 is _not aggressive_ (some have a lot of fun with their tasks) and will back off when given the command. They also are only used for very specific tasks. A drug sniffing dog is a drug sniffing dog. A dog used to run down suspects is only used for that. There is no dog that will be sicced on someone because they're abusing another person...that opens up way too fucking much liability.

My mother temporarily worked as an editor, and she got a couple such books. One such book was about a guy, sitting in his bathtub, contemplating dropping his hair dryer in, while reminiscing about his life. The book apparently describes, in excruciating and anatomically incorrect detail, how he shits in the bathwater. Another such book was written by a man who she claims to know for a fact has literally only read one book in his life, called "Robbi und Robba", a book that I couldn't read far in, despite being a children's book. In any case, he tried to write a children's book of his own, with predictable results. Run-on-sentences and words that a) are far too advanced for children b) probably haven't been used in a couple of centuries plagued the book. Those books now seem leagues better.

"THIS...IS MY BOOOOODY OF LIIITERAAAAATUUUUUUURE!!!!!" -Vegan Body Onionman -

In the words of Strange Aeons: R.I.P. English literature we had a good run

Around 19:00: "And then we're introduced to Matthew...who never does anything for the rest of the book. I mean, he dies at one point!" You said that like his death was just temporary but then he comes back to life to continue adding nothing else to the story 😂😂😂

20:10 to be fair, that's how my high school worked too, if you got into a fight, anyone involved was going to get suspended, so it was best to win at any cost because they used the max consequence for being a victim.

*onision while writing this book*- “Reality can be whatever I want”