Jarl Balgruuf knows what the Dragonborn did 

Dragonborn: do you ever see dragons sleep balgruff? no then don’t question why I don’t sleep. I sleep whenever I feel like it.

Yeah I forgot Athis. But so does the Companions Questline.

"Damn, I wasn't gonna join the stormcloaks but now..."

Comedy gold, I needed this

This should seriously be a mod in the game.

Tfw you accidentally kill Janessa every playthrough

Sleep is for the weak 😴😴😴😴💤💤🛏️💤😴🥱🌚🌚💤💤💤💤🥱😴

Thats alright, I’ll just sell it to my contacts in the Thieves guild!

You want all the sweet daedric gear, but hate the fucking daedra? I got you. First, get Ebony blade from Whiterun. Next, go get Namira's ring. After you got it, Have Eola follow you out of the cave some distance then tell her to wait. Then go back in and kill all of her friends with the Ebony blade. Then come back out, and bring her with you to Boethias shrine. Have her kill all the worshippers there. Then stick her on the pole and kill her. Now you've charged the blade twice (Verulus and Eola). Then when Boethia tells you to go kill all the bandits, just pop a invis potion and sneak in. Throw a rock or something at the dumbass bandit leader and boethia's armor enchant will aggro his own people on to himself. Let them kill each other, go over, put the armor on, and leave. Boethia was too stupid to realize that once you have the armor, you don't actually have to finish her quest. Ever. Then head over to you know where, grab asuras star, bring that shit straight to nelacar. Then go up to Asuras shrine and taunt her single solitary worshipper with it. Be sure to drop by Falkreath and get Clavicus Viles dog also...and never bring him back. Seriously the dog is worth way more then the shitty axe or helmet he gives you, which makes sense since he is the "god of bad deals". The only way you win his game is by not playing it. While you're in falkreath drop by and pay the child killer I mean sinding a visit. Side with him in the cave but don't speak to him at the end. Leave the cave, collect hircines ring, then go in and kill sinding and get hircines armor. Now on to Dawnstar, and Erandur. Let Erandur destroy Varminas staff, since you exploited Hircine you got one more daedric item then you should, so you don't need her dumb staff. Or kill Erandur, idc, but then your as bad as the daedra imo. Now get your conjuration and enchanting and maybe alchemy up to 100 cause this next part is hard. Probably by now you got your ears blown out by Meridia. Repay her by becoming a vampire lord, and clearing her dungeon with a pair of undead thralls. Tough part is when she lifts you up, she does a ton of sun damage. So put on Saviors hide and get that magic resistance to 100. Once you got that sword, go give it to Inigo because he loves that shit and you already have Ebony blade. Also go cure yourself of vampirism because fuck Molag Bal. Now get your speech level up cause talking your way out of Sanguines quest is the best you can do to spoil his fun. Likewise, Sheogorath doesn't give you much to work with. He hates boring, though, so stick his stick up on your wall and forget about it. Mehrunes also gives nothing to work with either. However once you've done all that, you can show up for Molag Bal wielding Meridias Dawnbreaker, Mehrunes razor and wearing Boethias armor. Too bad hes just a dumb scripted event or he might be a bit pissed at the mere sight. *Rant: If you have the USSEP patch you can't exploit hircines quest. That is because the guy who makes that **-patch-** mod thinks it's his job to "fix" all the "exploits" in Skyrim. Since Skyrim is a MMO ya know and its unfair to all the other players if you crash the economy with exploits. Or something idk. Oh and he's a huge narcissist that can't handle any criticism at all and does not tolerate any modifications to "his" code and will throw a shitfit at anyone who tries. /rant*

The AI voice doesn't sound as good as dagoth's but its still good, now we just need a voice from oblivion and we will be good.

We need this used like dagoth urs voice

This is golden

Holy shit i literally just did this for the first time like a couple of days ago 😂

Balgruuf. For the love of talos and auriel. Do you really think I would use anyone but Nazeem for that? I have my ways of doing so.

I used Blood Bond from Sacrosanct to sacrifice Nazeem and dress Heimskr up as my court jester. He's in Winterstone Castle with Jenassa, and all my other Skyrim companions and waifus.

Jarl balguur knows what you did but I still know what you did last summer 🏝️🌞