Jordan Peterson Explains Why Males Are Increasingly Retreating Into Videogames w/ Warren Farrell 

Real society: "You're useless" Videogame society: "Hey, you're the only hero that can save our world from certain destruction"

Society tells men they're not needed. Video games cater to men's desires. Case closed.

“You’re useless” = “You have hobbies, something we stereotypically normal idiots couldn’t possibly fathom.”

My sociology teacher: Male toxicity is tearing society apart! My video games: We need your strength and courage to make a solution! Me: If I don't say anything, I can sustain.

Women read and watch romance as an escape from reality - no problem. Men play video games for the same reason. Huge media outrage.

It wasnt a retreat it was a strategic withdrawl.

Why females are increasingly retreating to only fans.

Whenever I wanted to get away from the abusive family I grew up with... Videos games felt like a sanctuary where my mind could vent. As a kid it was the best way to not contaminate my mind to much.

The sad and scary thing is that you can have a "father" in the house... and still lack a proper father to guide you.

I retreat into video games because sometimes I feel like I can't deal with life and it gives me peace for a moment and helps me forget about all the chaos all around me.

Dating almost killed my will to live so yea, gaming it is.

A huge problem is generational fatherlessness. A father who never had a father not knowing how to father or caring about it. You have to have awareness- the education- and then you have to care and then you have to do the REAL work, be the father you never had. It's a struggle and constant fight that many men are losing.

The problem with escapism is that it leaves the real world more in control with those that made it toxic in the 1st place.

When you grow up being told you aren't good at anything, that you wont amount to anything, and growing up having your dad tell you "not right now," it is pretty easy to retreat into a world where YOU are the focus and YOU are the priority. Whether you are saving a village from goblins, or invading Normandy virtually, video games make you feel like the hero you never knew you were

Single father testimony here. I had the courage to divorce after a 20 years relationship that was getting really toxic in the end (those that sometimes end with a murder or a suicide), mostly because of our parenting disagreements. Our child was 9 years old at that time. In the last few years, i felt like she was slowly throwing our relationship and at the same time trying to control everything related to our son and his education. I also felt she was castrating me by interfering almost everytime i tried to discipline him (and there's no physical or psychological violence involved here, just basic discipline every child needs). Separated parents is not an ideal situation for a kid but still better than being exposed to bad and inconsistent parenting because we're always fighting. Also better than not having a father at all (for whatever reason) in those critical moments of childhood, i can tell because this was my case, and today i deeply understand that both parents are needed and have different things to transfer and teach to their child. Now my parenting duty is way easier, there is peace at home. My son simply understands that there has to be some kind of rules or limits to be able to live in harmony with others. I just explain simple rules based on my personal values, like: "Respect yourself and everyone else, no exception" or "Don't do to others what you wouldn't like to be done to you" etc..., and then he gets the point and i never have to repeat a hundred times or get angry for him to clean his shit or do his homework. He respects me and our environment so we have a lot of fun times together, and yes even some rough-and-tumble play sometimes. Of course it should be the same for the other parent too, but unfortunately it's not what i see happening in our case. His mother seems to have a really hard time with him and discipline, and i can't see this as a revenge on her because it would do no good for my child, but instead i back her up as much as i can and show him that i'm on her side when i need to. As for the video games addiction (or any kind of addiction), i don't think there's a problem as long as it doesn't prevent one from fulfilling his responsibilities or having a healthy lifestyle. So, i can relate to a lot of things being discussed here by incredibly interesting gentlemen, and i'm grateful for that because it reassures me that i did the right thing in sacrificing a long-term relationship to prioritize my parent role. I feel a strong connection with my son, i love being a father and it's never been easier. Thanks for sharing this great talk !

My significant other loves his video games and I let him play them whenever he wants. Why would I take something away that he loves or nag at him for enjoying his pastime? I wouldn't want him to take away something I love. I'm the softy, he's the strong one. That's how women and men were made...to balance each other out. We both believe in old school ways....I make him dinner, make his plate and make sure he has everything he needs and he makes sure I want for nothing. There's few of us out there like this and that's just sad. I do have to agree with most of the guys on the comments...most women nowadays want "equality" but when they get treated like a man they don't like it much do they?

The title is misleading. This is about a child’s benefits to having a father figure when growing up.

I've never had a video game tell me I'm worthless, try to divorce me, take my life savings, or try to have me arrested. I've never spent tens of thousands of dollars to accept me as a suitable mate, either.

Men retreat to games because when men are depressed there is no one to comfort him or listen to his problems. In that time wants to escape his pain inside a virtual reality. Good luck sharing your depression with your family especially women, because all they will do is fuel the fire more blame you for your miserable conditions and when they get into arguments will play victim cards. Imagine how many people comforting a man get when he goes through a breakdown and compare how many people are already there to comforting a woman. No wonder why games are better and important for us!

I love video games because it’s where I feel accepted and happy. Society just hates on us men, when I play video games I go to a world where I feel wanted.

videogames have actually saved me. i've had a pretty bad family life and retreating into games and still being able to talk to friends without going out has been one of the best things for me. i can safely say that without videogames I would have killed myself long ago.

Glad this was shot in 1080p, the quality of the images is near-real-life

The NPC characters in games offer better conversation than the actual humans who live in their cell phones. Case closed.

Simple: Video games help us relive stress that are caused by an unfair society While real life often eradicates serotonin and dopamine in our brains

I've seen articles from 200+ years ago about the evils of lazy children playing chess

Video games entertain you. Women require you to entertain them.

My Ps4 doesn't take all my money, it doesn't treat me like shit, I don't have to listen to her mouth all day...and when I plug it in I don't get a message that says "Sorry honey, I have a headache". It's a no contest.

50 years ago the headline would had been " Why males are retreating in alcoholism and gambling". Hilarious

*"You're playing too many damn games son, go outside and get some fresh air!"* _Goes and sits in front of TV_

I think playing video games are a better habit than drinking, smoking or a drug habit. I play video games in moderation. It helps me unwind and is a form of escapism.

It's more like, "The benefits of rough play in child development"

An epic video game can be far more impactful than a movie

Society gives men catch-22s you can't win. E.g. "you wimp, you got beat by a girl! vs. you monster, why are you beating a girl?" Video games are designed to be won. QED.

There's so much to know about raising a kid ... a lot of women think they know just because they are women.

This genuinely changed the way I view my upbringing and actions moving forward. The delayed gratification part was particularly eye opening. Thank you so much for posting this.

This is the way this seventy-year-old great-grandma sees it. Before they retreated into video games they retreated into watching sports on TV. As young men they went out in the workforce and competed hard with other males every day and had a boss breathing down their necks expecting a certain level of performance. They went home to wives who also expected performance in many different areas. When there were young children and the wife was not working the man paid the mortgage, the utilities, bought every bit of food and clothing, paid for the wife's car and his own car. In the bedroom it was not his needs that were important but hers and satisfying them. He did all of the home maintenance and repair, car repairs and maintenance, and was the one as a rule who mowed the lawn. He's expected to do his share of household chores too and then he can go back to his stressful, competitive job on Monday. Christmas Day the house is beautifully decorated and so is the tree and it's loaded with presents. He gets a pair of socks and a tie. He is part of the patriarchy and he's blamed for every evil known to man for that reason. If his skin is white he's doubly despised. Yes, before men retreated into video games they were retreating into watching sports all day on TV on the weekends because they're exhausted. They get no gratitude and lots of blame. Now they've got Gillette commercials putting them down. Someone asked me recently if I could would I choose to be a male. I told them what I just told you. Oh hell no!

The people in skyrim respect me more when I help them then my neighbors do when I help them. Why should I help my neighbors

"Men suffer more from lacking a father, and here's how that hurts women more"

Title: Why Males are Retreating to Video Games Guy: So children need father figures

Love for a man is based on what he can do for you. It's superficial and subject to change. It's not real. Video games gives man an escape from this cold reality.

Dude work a 60 hour work week and see if sitting in front of the TV and playing a video game doesn't sound good.

Let’s not forget to take into account the single mothers feelings towards men being projected in the son. Especially if she doesn’t like him

This discussion was ground breaking. Revolutionary! Thank you both, Warren Farrell and Dr. Peterson.

This was spot on with my life. Father and mother split when I was 6, which triggered us to move from the countryside to a big city to avoid father contact. Without any safety nets and only a motherly perspective of life, I was bullied and retreated into gaming (which became an addiction). Things were going downhill until I decided to reinvent myself for high school as I was fantasizing about violent acts. Changed schools, put a lot of effort into connecting with others, and having high grades. I was finally out of the problem during college by acing the entrance exams and having the choice to pick whichever I wanted. Looking back, I guess I just wanted to prove I amounted to something. But things went uphill from there, and now I have a wife, a 4-year-old son, and a successful career as an engineering manager. I still play games nowadays, especially when I'm stressed out, but I don't feel like I have to, and most of the time is some game my son wants me to play with him. I'm certainly not making this mistake with him.

Because my Xbox doesn’t cheat on me lmao

I'm female, but I retreat to video games (especially indie games) 'cause, lately, it seems like the only form of entertainment that's been creative, innovative, and not tainted by political correctness.

I am genuinely fascinated by how this simple video, a simple conversation you might say, have such an impact on me, teaching and leading me to understand my subconscious behaviour and my tendency to be attracted by porn and video games, correlated with my low self-esteem and self-confidence which I believe are truly connected in some degree. I cannot thank enough the people that take the time to register the numerous talks, speeches and conversations of Jordan Peterson across the world because I feel I have learned far more than I could ever imagine in only a couple of months just by listening to him than I had in years of school and college. For that, I am sincerely and truthfully grateful, I wish to express my much gratitude to him, the people he talks with and everybody that listen to him and share his thoughts.

for once the thing i wished to hear in school for years now, "there is no need to explain adhd, or addiction, but the psychological ramification to develop the control of those behavior" THANK YOU !

40 minute video. 1 sentence about video games. That's 40 minutes of Skyrim that I missed. Thanks a lot.

Simple answer:- Women will leave men if she finds him unattractive/boring/ not rich anymore etc etc etc. Our consoles/PC wont leave us and be faithful till the end of their lives 😄.

Because story relevant NPCs actually show me gratitude, appreciation, and build me up when I bust my balls miraculously achieving *their* unreasonable requests. 👊

Retreating into Videogames. From my perspective you grow up being told you aren't good at anything, that the only thing you'll amount too is dog-shit, knocking lumps out of you then proceeding to say "if you tell your mother I'll kill her and then your brother so you'll have no one, its incredibly easy and fairly satisfying to delve into a world where you have control over your actions, a world where YOU won't be put down and if you are you can beat the ever-loving shit out of the person who did it, where YOU are the focus, YOU are the person who can change the world, maybe it's rescuing a child from Hobbes in the Fable series, storming Point Du Hoc in Call of Duty 2, Sending the Covenant to their doom in the Halo series. Video games make YOU feel like YOU matter. Video games make YOU feel like YOU belong somewhere. Video games can make the load upon YOUR shoulders feel manageable. Video games can make YOU communicate when they can't talk most days. Video games can give YOU strength YOU never thought YOU had within YOU.

Let me think about it: My attractiveness is average. My job and interests are quite average as well. My bank account is average. Above average women are not interested. Average women are not interested. Below average women are either uniterested or just uninteresting themselves. I already have enough friends both at work and from my student days. I don't see much of a reason to hang out if i'm not with friends and i'm already tired from work. Logical choice is going home watching movies and play videogames till i'm too tired and go to bed. Go back into the office and repeat. Life in modern society is hell (albeit a very comfy one) you're average, mostly in the money or looks department.

Because my favorite videogames aren't going to divorce me, have the law split our property, and take the kids. I'd love to get married and start a wholesome family and all, but not many are into that these days.

I just watched this video. So glad I did. It has given me a very different perspective on parenting my beautiful 8yo girl. Her father and I we're married for a long time but now separated for 6 years. We are still really good friends and he just loves his little girl and is a brilliant father to her and most importantly a shining example. A great role model for her. She also knows I love her dearly and give more hugs and encouragement, give her choice post her own feedback, ask her how her day went etc. She is an amazing mini human and I thank the universe she chose me to be her mum ♥️ What I got from the last 38mins was the reward post responsibility and how my possibly unstructured way may cause her ill feelings on the inside, rebelliousness, underachievement etc. I've replayed her words, past situations, past reaction. I have a better plan now. Thank you so much for your valuable insight gentlemen... My miracle baby and me will be so better off now ♥️ (miracle being I wasn't supposed to have kids - brain tumour at 25 years - 5.8cm anaplastic astrocytoma on front left lobe, Radio therapy left me with a burned pituitary. Then she came a long. Cortisol level was no where near a normal level eithef - My beautiful girl ♥️♥️♥️)

Informative and a great listen. Thanks for sharing these amazing thoughts and research!

so when they were talking about rough and tumble play, mothers just don't understand why boys interact with each other in such ways. Story time: I got in big trouble at my karate school when I was 10, we were in line waiting for class to start when a much smaller boy bumped me. He's got this huge smile on his face and I give him a small hip bump back and minded my place in line. He bumps me again, again with a big smile. I take a huge step passed him and knock him back a step, he giggles and after I retake my spot in line he bumps me again, I repeat the action and send him back again and he laughs. His mother comes out of nowhere; freaking out and screaming about how 'this boy is body pushing my child, why is he doing this" and she had a hard time being talked down by our instructors and I was told off about contact. it felt so bizarre to me at the time because I felt I was correctly reading this Childs language yet his mother was so unaware. This kid wanted to test his limits and what he could get away with with a bigger boy, its just natural. and his laughter and such gave away that he knew he was breaking rules n wanted to play around a bit. I'll never forget how his mother shouted at the instructors tho.

Improperly titled It should be; The importance of fathers and rough play for childhood development and the consequences of raising children in the absence of same.

Super content and the last few minutes really show why psychologists like these are so important.

Very enlightening conversation, great video.

Guys, I have been unhappy for a long time. I came home to my girlfriend's ex's truck parked in her yard and I have just been devastated. Jordan Peterson and Patrice O' Neal have been helping me heal. I am starting this life over by loving myself. While I don't want to stop video games, I want to increase the other parts of my life

The title is always just 0.01% of the knowledge that is about to be dropped on you

Who cares what the video is actually about, the title sparked the best and realest comments I've ever seen.

Because no matter how hard I work, and no matter how long I go without a day off I mostly feel nothing. Nothing but anger. And when I play a videogame, I can release some of that anger.

Because games are getting increasingly better and women increasingly fickle?

Society: Men are disposable and evil Men: k, bye! *retreats into videogames* *Shocked Pikachu face*

I love what jordan said about empathy, "your not truly empathetic unless you've learned your not any more important than the person your playing with"...that empathy shown to you exclusively without you learning the importance of empathy for others, can in fact lead you down a path of narcissism, but a father playing with his kids, that is able define the rules of rough play properly, and makes sure to keep the childs safety and enjoyment in the forefront of his mind, can help the child understand that fun and competitiveness can co-exist and in fact can ONLY exist when they understand that all partys must able to enjoy the experience (at least i think thats what hes getting at i could be wrong) ..thats really after dropping a mind bomb on me.. Thank God im not a dad...that stuff sounds like REALLY hard work. Got alot more Respect for the good dads out there. Well done lads, i didnt even know the impact you guys can have on the world.👍

I can't believe this stuff is free, it's so eye opening.

I admit I've never been good at life. Y'all can have this world, it ain't for me. It's funny how I feel more at home playing a Resident Evil game where everything is trying to kill me.

You play video games for at least three hrs every evening then I sleep then I get up and go to work. For me video games are my way of unwinding at the end of the day in place of watching boring tv. And I love every minute of it.

When the squad is all online... you gotta get online!

It’s somewhat comforting to know the reason behind ones behaviour and way of thought especially on one self

I can talk about my experience. What drives me toward games are: - Adventures , my life is quite plain and I'm too introverted/broke to make it spicy as I would like. - Dreamfull relationships outcome. I generally have the sympathy of all people I meet irl, but in games it's different ... allies esteem and respect me as a champion, enemies fear me, and any possible romantic interest eventually fall for me. Sure they have no the depth of real relationships but still the outcome is so idyllic to hypnotize. - A world without errors and with unlimited possibilities, there are not bad choices which will fuck the rest of your life. Any meaningfull choice can be reverted, or resetted eventually in the future to pursue the outcome you most desire. - You can be what you want. You wanna be a sage ancient old mage? Fine. An amazon woman hunting ferocious beasts? Sure. A proud templar knight? Here you go. And so on, you don't have to stick to 1 persona, you can change drastically what you are and how you behave and no one will ever come at your door saying? Why are you behaving in this way? What's up your mind? - Power/money. The power to do whatever you want, however you want, and the money to get whatever your hearth could desire. There is nothing you can't do and nothing you can't get. -Accomplishment, any game of success is structured in a way to let you feel a sense of quick progression, of evolution in a very short window of time. That feeling is very great, especially for lazy people when confronted to long sessions of effort for laughable results. And more in general: You are never out of place, you are not just someone in the world, it's the world which adapts to you and change according to your wishes in order to satisfy your needs. The feeling is unappeasable but you never have to forget that no matter of marvelous and comfy this world is, it's just a beautifull lie. The real world is outside, and if you keep ignoring it, eventually it will present the bill, and you must hope you'll be able to pay it.

The only reason your kid is addicted to Minecraft is cause you tell him/her that he is a nobody until an adult. In Minecraft you can do whatever the hell you want. Can’t play outside cause it’s dark and dangerous? Play Minecraft

If life didn’t suck without a father enough, this guy really drives it home....

this really explained a lot about why I'm the way I am, and I'm both SUPER enlightened and distraught.

People, they aren't saying playing computer games makes you X. They are saying that if you are X, then gaming addiction etc can come from it/be indicators of it, because of certain factors.

Because Witcher 3 is that awesome.

Subscribed and notified just because of this video/soundbyte !!

It is kind of painful to hear the negative consequences of growing up without a father. As much as I dont want to accept it - everything said really hits deep. I really hope there is still HOPE for us. God bless.

"Retreating" into videogames??? Would you also use the word "retreating" when referring to people who go see every major blockbuster in the theater? (even though they look all the same) Or for people who travel to foreign countries just to take selfies in front of famous monuments? Not different from music or books, for me videogames are ART, and most importantly keep your mind active and in the present moment. There are new evidences being shown in research revealing even trauma-healing powers through the use of videogames. Most men joking at videogames are the ones who retreat into the "wife, 2 kids and a dog" program, their bellies are big, their eyes look desperate and their cups are filled with alcohol every night after work in order to cope with their inescapable fate.

Now lets talk about why some people get so addicted to money, that they're willing to betray the best interests of their own country to get their next fix.

THIS IS SO AWESOME

Because it's an incredibly gratifying means of escapism. Most mediums prior to the advent of video games (books, film, music, plays, etc.) were about you being an observer to the story. Video games make you the one who acts in the story. You make decisions that can affect the trajectory of the world your avatar inhabits. And often those worlds are far more intriguing and engaging than the one we currently live in. It's not just about the increasing hostility towards males or towards "toxic masculinity". This world has lost its soul so many men, and also quite a few women, look to games to find the purpose and emotion this shell of a society lacks.

I am an explorer by nature. There is nothing left to explorer. But there is one place, one frontier that is inexhaustible, infinite in the capacity for exploration. The final frontier isn't space, it is the frontier of the human imagination. Books, film, and video games are product of other people's imagination, a frontier I can explore. For the first time in human history, video games give us the ability to interact with another person's (or team of people) imagination. Who wouldn't venture boldly into that frontier to explore it?

There really a is a huge bias against rough housing play that comes from the schools as well as the mothers. When I was in elementary school, the teachers would yell at us for ARM WRESTLING on the playground during recess. From the way they would completely overreact, you'd think we were having a knife fight.

Video games are so much fun. Everything is so much more colourful, ambiance is nice, events happen much faster and there is usually the possibility to reload when things go wrong.

There is so much wisdom and logic in just this one podcast. Thank You Gentlemen

I'm 28 (Male) my father was taken out of my life before I was 1 by my mother for reasons I will probably never know. She worked all the time to try and keep things afloat and I just kind of existed. I can't remember a time when I was not deeply depressed and have been hospitalized twice in my life for suicide attempts. To this day the idea of working for something good that may take a while terrifies me because all I can see is this monumental path to success which is just impossible to traverse. I dropped out of high school and got my GED later because i had no real interest or drive in much of anything at that age. I spent years in college bouncing around from class to class trying out things and never defining a major or a goal because again the path to anything seemed daunting and I just had no real drive or interest. I wanted to do better and improve myself or else I never would have taken the steps to even try college let alone stay for years but want and capability are two different things. I can't hold down a job because again it has little meaning to me and the second pressure if applied i lose sight of all meaning and start to break down. The second that job goes from "I'm trying to improve my life and take responsibility for myself" and is twisted by a lot of just sadness and hate into a monster where the only positive thing i can say about it is "I have to do this to help the family, to pay a bill to do something for someone else" because I see no value in myself or doing things for myself I become unstable. I just become so tired and everything turns a meaningless grey. This talk rings true because I've personally experienced a lot of what they said but unlike many people some even here in these comments I was not able to just overcome and be successful. Which is to be expected sometimes; Not every story has a happy ending. I can identify whats wrong but dragging myself out of that muck is something I've not been able to do but not for a lack of trying. The scary part is that Yes I do play video games almost religiously and they are probably the only past times in my life where I feel happy allocating time to them. When I was younger I would unconsciously say "well playing them makes me feel good because at least there I can be successful and work my way up to something and know that I am not only appreciated by those around me but sometimes even praised for doing a good job." It is like I was on auto-pilot just telling myself what was wrong with my life and not even thinking about it. There is so much more story and detail but my point is that on a fundamental level I agree with the ideas put forward here. I'm just sharing this in a youtube comment section because I really wanted to type this out and have someone, anyone see it. But I also know that I will never come back to this post so I have full impunity to do what I will. Also expecting the average "TL:DR" or "You're pathetic, get up and work!" responses.

That rough and tumble play is huge. I have done that when training my dogs. The rough and tumble is an absolute necessity for a healthy mind in a male dog.

Father’s involvement in their child’s life are so important,

So happy that they mentioned that moms do the roughhousing play with the kids too. I do it and I am a mom

I think there's a lot of truth to this especially what you said regarding discipline. My mother was the one who was always screaming in the house my father was a very quiet controlled man. I could have cared less about listening to my mother scream, but when my father was upset with me he would barely say a word. that meant more to me than anything.

Because female characters in games are better written then in real life.

Its insane how accurate this pertains to me.

Personally I play video games for the sake of self satisfaction or where you can make your own characters by designing facial features and being a specific kind of way and to make the character you made really overpowered (referring to open world mmo’s) and be something you really couldn’t be in the real world........

Because we have AGENCY there. The things we do bring results, and no one can destroy that (or take half of it).

We are a generation of men raised by women.

Men have forgotten what it means to be men and I'm not referring to acting like a bunch of rabid dogs, the relationship between men and women has deteriorated.. We need to be smarter as a society. My generation isn't here to fix the screw ups of the previous generation and we are creating a toxic environment for future generations. These things should be taken seriously but my absolute biggest turn off is this "hook up" culture, it is extremely unhealthy..

Absolutely eye opening discussion!