Leaving the Southern Baptist Church 

Hi friends! Please help us keep this channel going by supporting us on Patreon (link in description box) or sending us a donation via Venmo @ Samantha-Shelley-1 ✨ WE LOVE YOU

"We found the best boy!" me expecting a dog

Watching from Turkey, as an ex-Muslim I feel like religious experiences are totally universal. This was such a nice video, thank you for all the you do🤍

I asked Jesus into my heart 100s of times as a kid because I kept thinking I didn't do it right, or wasn't sincere enough, so I was going to go to hell. No kid should feel that scared of a place that doesn't exist. That's fucked up.

I have been watching Ex-Fundie content for years but I’ve yet to hear Southern Baptists get much representation, so it’s incredibly refreshing to watch this. I served with the North American Mission Board right after highschool and much later married (and divorced) a man who grew up Southern Baptist and went to a private Southern Baptist school before college. I I have journals from my time in high school and junior high and a lot of this is so familiar… THANK YOU so much for doing this video. All three of you! ❤

Loved what you guys were saying about how the earnestness can be what brings you out. People keep telling me I must have never really believed, or if I tried harder now, I would still be a Christian. I was the best little fundie, and the people who call me lazy now were the ones who used to shame me for asking so many questions. Apparently seeking to understand my faith was "opening me up to the enemy."

I identify so hard with the experience of realizing that church friends are not really friends and that you're really only connected by virtue of being involved in the same ministries. They're really like 'work friends' (but your work is unpaid labor for the church). You've never really done the work to even know if you like one another or connect on anything other than faith issues.

"your earnestness is what got you out" that's so real. I cared SO much and then when i went to college (ironically at a Southern Baptist university) my required biblical heritage and christian scriptures classes showed me all the contradictions in what i believed and what the Bible actually said (and all the horrible things the church had done throughout history) bc they wanted us to think critically about our beliefs and make them our own. And i was SO MAD about "their liberal ideology" trying to brainwash me, and even more upset when i learned about logical fallacies, emotional/psychological manipulation, empirical evidence vs anecdotal and ALL of it was telling me that my professors were right. I had decide if i was going to stick by my values (do no harm, great others as you want to be treated, take care of the poor the widow the orphan, the rich man won't ever the kingdom of heaven, etc) or my beliefs (conservativism, biblical innerancy, capitalism, etc) and i chose my values (which actually were Christian influenced) even though it destroyed my faith in the process. I will stand by it: "Jesus" had a lot of good shit to say, but his groupies are toxic as hell

I'm so happy y'all made a video about this as a survivor of this church, it means so much to see that experience validated

On leprocy- when I was a kid, I had a disease very similar to the black plague and leprocy. Because of it, I had to get the lymph nodes in my neck removed before it attacked the rest of my body. I will be immunocompromised for the rest of my life, I have been for about 15 years now. Because of the cost of care in the US, it caused my parents to go bankrupt. Hearing about it is so scary to me, but hearing about people who don’t have access to the same healthcare is so much scarier.

The sad thing about leprosy is that usually it's caused by not having access to clean water and basic hygiene supplies. It can be treated with 2-3 antibiotics, especially if it's caught early.

Okay, I’m too triggered or something, (I was raised Southern Baptist), to compose a thoughtful response right now, but - Tom is great! This is a really good, interesting video, and I definitely think you should have him on again.

Just want to share an anecdote from my childhood at a Southern Baptist Church. When they doubled down on their sexism and enforcing gender roles in 1999/2000, they re-added a verse about women submitting to their husbands in their mission statement(?). I was a little girl reading the pamphlet that had those statements in a list. My aunt (who was visiting) looked over at it, pointed to that part, and said "thats just silly! Isnt that silly?" And then we giggled. That stuck with me. Im thankful she was there to give me a hint at how wrong some of the churches views were. Also, i was told that the gift of tongues and other charismatic gifts ended a long time ago. So anyone who speaks in tongues today might be possessed by the devil lmao Very silly

Wow. I am a Christian, albeit a more progressive one, and that was such a powerful story. Thank you for giving me so much to think about.

53:18 Florida has Leprosy. And Dengue fever. And huge cuts to the public health budgets. What could go wrong?!

Tom is a gem, genuinely one of the funnest and kindest people I’ve crossed paths with. Thank you for holding space for his story. This was so well done. Proud to know Tom and grateful he can speak about this to hopefully help others heal.

So good to hear from a Calvinist survivor cause goodness knows it's a hellova high demand group

The cross church??? Isn’t that in rogers? I’m from around that part of Arkansas!! I remember seeing those huge crosses whenever I went to the mall lol Also growing up there I had a southern Baptist friend (I’m not sure if she went to that church or another one) but her family HATED me because I was mormon. Like the parents limited our playdates and eventually kept us from being friends. Yeah

My family was like half-ass Free WIll Baptist and when I was around 8-9 years old there was a very active service one sunday where people were going down to the front to be saved and several were speaking in tongues. I thought "this is WILD" and went down to the front then spoke in tongues on the way back to my seat. I was just making shit up but everyone seemed to accept it. That's when I knew it was all BS.

can tom come back like 17 more times please?? I grew up conservative evangelical in the midwest, but a lot of this was suuuuuuper similar (and I'm gonna need to think through the comment at the end about great replacement theory since yikes that brought up some memories)!

Tom’s description of his upbringing and faith journey was very very similar to my experience growing up in and leaving the southern baptist church. So refreshing to hear truth from another exvangelical ❤🎉

Wow did not expect Budapest being mentioned in this video haha I’m from here and have grown up really conservative baptist. We had American missionaries visiting us for many years and tbh as a kid I enjoyed it so-so much, it felt really cool being friends with US folks. I only started questioning these mission trips as an adult, when I was on the “organiser” side of it. And it actually became a big part of why I deconstructed, so this was such an interesting conversation for me.

i grew up catholic (even though i'm personally atheist now), having gone to catholic school from kindergarten to senior year of college, in one of the most conservative archdioceses in the nation and with an insanely anti-divorce socially conservative mexican catholic grandma getting on my family's ass for certain decisions my parents made. while it was not as bad as growing up in a fully fundamentalist household, church, or environment, y'all really speak to how people who've survived these environments can heal, so thank y'all for having a show like this!!!

I also did the second round of getting saved. First time was at 4 and the second time was 14-ish. I was dealing with being a closeted trans boy and being attracted to girls. Both of those didn't fly in the rural SB church I went to, so I was pushing myself as hard as I could into the mold. It did a lot of damage to me. I didn't get out until I was 24

Oh he got Ken Ham! At my American Baptist Church, all we got was Kent Hovind.

Thank you guys for making this video! I grew up non denominational Christian but went to a southern Baptist church in high school with my abusive ex boyfriend. I blame the church for encouraging lack of boundaries and standards for sex that kept me in that relationship for years thinking I was the problem. This video spoke to my upbringing and time in a Christian middle school and I would love more insights from him in the future

I’m so over the moon you guys got a Christian on here!!! You guys really helped me through my (ever-ongoing) deconstruction even though I would’ve never thought Mormonism was even in the same field as Christianity. (We thought you guys and the catholics were demonic hahahaha) I grew up in an actual missionary family moving all around the world until I turned 17 and started doing it myself. I went to Peru, Sahara Dsert, South Africa, all over Europe, even the US and Amsterdam to “save” the sex workers in the red light district. I witnessed “miraculous healings” and “demon exorcisms” (and at one point was “exorcised” myself for having a harlot spirit a.k.a had premarital relations a couple times). In hindsight I can now see a lot of those miraculous healings were temporary, explainable in a myriad of different ways and a lot of the exorcisms were mentally unwell people and in one sad case a girl with epilepsy. She was having a fit and my dad said it was demon possession and did the whole casting out thing. Super disrespectful and triggering to think back on. She had a vision of Jesus (I now know hallucinations are very common in epilepsy). We’d go around churches, planting new ones (like good old colonials 😂) and raising up new missionaries to carry on our work as we moved from place to place. It was an incredible experience and also some of the hardest shit to get healed for now as I’ve left. My parents are still doing it, waiting until the war in Yemen is over for them to go there where my dad was prophesied to go over 30 years ago and wound where he would die. He wants to die a Martyr and so did I, was THAT “on fire” for God. Literally every Christmas they say this may be their last. 😬 Thanks for having this guy on, I can’t express how validating and encouraging it is to hear the voice of my experiences coming from someone else. I only have my sister who left also and hope to find a physical community out there who gets it. I know you guys know what I mean!! Made my whole fucking day ❤

I’m not Christian anymore but as far as logic goes, Calvinism still seems to make the most sense for Christian ideology. If that god knows all, created all, and is in control of all, then he knows, created, and controls YOU. To infer that god doesn’t predestine people is to assume he does not have complete control and authority and knowledge of the future

I am not even 20 minutes in and as someone raised in an SBC church (albeit in Michigan), I relate to SO MUCH of this! My brothers were given Every Young Man's Battle and I got Every Young Woman's Battle...I rarely hear ex-fundies talk about those books so I thought maybe they were obscure but maybe it was an SBC thing?

TOMMMMMMMM! Not only is he a cutie, he’s smart as hell too. Thanks for sharing your story ❤️❤️❤️

I grew up Methodist and our pastor was honestly pretty progressive (grew up in Austin so) but the youth groups were run pretty independently, often by patent volunteers and most of the curriculums they used were written by members of the SBC. It def messed me up, I think that's where i learned most of the most toxic beliefs i internalized and since it was just us elementary, middle, and high school girls and the two moms running it (2 of the same moms the whole time) there was no one to contradict it even catch all the shame and judgement we were being taught to accept as law

Wow this was a fantastic video! I loved hearing his story 😊 Maybe he could get an episode on cults to consciousness?

There is a four-part documentary on the Duggars now called, "Shiny Happy People." Heartbreaking, but more thorough than I expected. Tom, I have to know which Focus On The Family magazines you were subscribed to, or whether that's more of a northern evangelical thing. Bonus points if y'all make something in the Clubhouse/Brioverse one of your read-and-reacts. I have time to watch... According to the "Letters From Your Future Husband," column circa 2008, my betrothed is already dead because I have worn skinny jeans in my lifetime.

Southern baptist women can go to seminary actually like 3 women in my family did including my grandmother but they can't be pastors. They mostly become missionaries and marry missionaries and pastors

I'm Canadian but I grew up in our northern styling of southern Baptist "fundie lite" if you will. Sam touched it around the 30 something mark with the "aggression" Mormons seem to be motivated by silent piousness. I was raised that you must be happy, anxiety was your fault and God always moves you so any idle time was the devil. The Shiny Happy People thing rings true, you always had to be sweet and joyful for the lord, which if you have any mental health issues means you're beset by the devil.

Man my Christian experience was so similar. Not a megachurch but it was the biggest church in the city (around a thousand people). We had the live music, the media team everything he mentioned. I went to the K-12 school my church ran (it was around 400 students). I had that same experience where I did the "come to Jesus" thing multiple times too because I was like "oh I was young, that didn't count"

Damn, the bit around 13:25 when he says he didn't feel like he was actually saved around the age of 12 hits so hard. I had a full on crisis at one point in my pre teens bc I was raised Christian and thus didn't truly have a "come to Jesus moment" where I felt some kind of change and also never reay felt emotional about God, so I was always afraid I might not actually be saved.

Omg the chemistry in this episode! Fantastic conversation. Please bring Tom back!

Love that comment about music. I went to catholic school until university in Canada but knew at about grade 5 it was all bullshit lol. But I am an avid concert goer. I love music and concerts. I’m also a musician. And I hate that music is used in a manipulative way for religion. American evangelicalism is seriously on another level of cult.

Hell yea coors banquet!! Also I went to a regular ass high school and they had the “no spaghetti straps” thing too. Not sure what was up with that.

Tom seems like an awesome dude! I also came from an SBC church very similar to the one he described (just in a different state). It's weird how similar they can be even across the country... Also, I had to look it up because I was curious... Hansen's Disease (aka leprosy) is caused by a slow-growing bacteria and the best way to prevent it spreading is early diagnosis and treatment. I'm sure there are plenty of organizations that help if anyone wants to help those with Hansen's Disease. A lot of the lack of treatment is caused by ignorance and so I'm sure those people Tom visited were so thankful to have people care.

I was an anglican but one day they played a video seminar of a southern baptist sermon and just thay one video made me feel so insecure about my sexuality, the entertainment i consumed and had a profound effect on my family. I cannot imagine being born into it.

Listening the this made me feel very sad regarding my own childhood and teenage years. A vast majority of teenagers and younger 20 somethings are very emotionally and sexually stunted due to the overzealous purity culture pervasive due to religion. It is just so sad.

I was such a tunnel vision Mormon that my only experience with other Christian denominations was two HS friends funerals at Church of England services. Even as I child I sat there thinking how led astray they were. Horrifying to realize what a superiority complex I had. I very much enjoyed learning about US evangelicalism through Tom sharing his experiences. Thank you all three of you! 💜

Let me add that my biology teacher in the late 20teens acknowledged the “theory of evolution” but fully endorsed creationism :) So that was awesome 👍🏻👍🏻. We had to write an essay based on which theory we believed and we also had to back it up if we chose evolution. So …. Yep. That’s Arkansas Edited to clarify that this was a public school

I have never heard a story so similar to mine told until now. I am so grateful for this interview! I've been a fan of y'alls, and hearing your ex-mormon experiences have been helpful for me to deconstruct my evangelicalism, but THIS. I feel like I can relate to every point that Tom hit. I'm a fellow Arkansan ex-southern baptist (I even went to a David Platt conference at Tom's church in my hardcore missionary phase It's so interesting the way y'all described that going deeper into the faith is what got you out. I really relate to the really serious evangelical phase, the cynicism of other believers not living like Jesus, went on a mission trip to China, wanting to be a missionary, studying Jesus and realizing the church wasn't living like him, then realizing it was all a facade, leaving church, and realizing my 'friends' in the church weren't really friends. And now, it's been 7 years, and I am the most kind, empathetic, and compassionate version of myself that I have been. I feel like this story mirrors mine in the same way you felt mirrored by Tanner. Thank you Sam, Tanner, and Tom for making this! I laughed and cried with y'all ❤

Not even 10 minutes into. This fella is a may i say it. Fucking legendary for the thing with the duggar dad thing. Fucking iconic. He is perfect 👌🌟 Yall this is gonna be some epic pairing together ❤️

Women could take some classes (non pastoral classes, like general Bible and counseling classes) from seminary but they couldn’t teach at seminary or become a pastor. Basically they could pay them money but not really get a degree 😅

UHHH Dr Dad should not have been treating you Tom that's. Illegal.

I am also from northwest Arkansas and grew up southern Baptist. I went to a much smaller church in a different town, but I am familiar with the church and school that Tom grew up in. So interesting to hear insider information about our very own local mega church. I’ve always thought the members were cult like.

he's just like me fr

The whole praying in tongues thing- I was taught about it by the baptists but "did it" with the pentecostals, and I knew from being taught about it by the baptists that some people had the companion gift of translation and they knew what the people praying in tongues were saying. So when I was attending a pentecostal congregation and "praying in tongues" I was always terrified that someone near me knew either what I was saying or that I was definitely just spouting gibberish 🤣

I grew up southern baptist and your discussion about baptism made me think back to mine, which brought up this gem of a memory: I never really learned how to swim as a child, so I was terrified of my head going under water (which was guaranteed to happen because full submersion or it doesn’t count 😤😂). So I just remember feeling awful and not dedicated enough because my baptism/declaration of faith/salvation was delayed due to my inability to dunk my head under water hahaha

Knocked Jim Bob Duggar to his knees and on his donkey TWICE?! Amazing. Only 3 minutes in and he’s def the best boi.

Does Tanner's "whole Bible spiel" exist somewhere on the channel? I'd love to hear it!

2:20 some one tell fundiefridays!!!!

Tom's experience was so fascinating. I hold a lot of religious trauma from Catholicism but nothing was nearly this intense. Just church on Sundays and CCD (kind of like bible study) on Sunday's during the school year. I left by the time I was 13, but through my life I carried a lot of guilt, shame surrounding sexuality, and fear of death (due to my no longer believing I was going to Heaven). In spite of all this, hearing what Tom went through makes me grateful I grew up in a religion that's less ingrained in my life. Sure, I thought about God and religion, but it wasn't every part of me as I walked through the world. I can't imagine how hard it was so decontruct that after so many years of Jesus being his whole entire life. Great video.

This was genuinely such an enjoyable video. Great vibes, compelling story

There are so many similarities between Tom's experience and mine in an extremely orthodox Roman Catholic group. But when he said that their schools had way more money than the public schools, that could not be more different. We had nothing "extra," including heat in the dead of winter some years. They always said the only sport in which we had any chance ess basketball, because you just need a ball and T-shirts. Why? Because the church has been funneling most of its money into the legal defense for priests who have done the indefensible. My diocese (the equivalent of a Mormon ward) no longer has any Catholic schools for that reason. It makes those of us hurt by those monsters for years and years feel rather worthless.

Thanks for telling your story Tom!!! What a great video! ❤

your videos have been HITTING HOME lately... last 30 minutes of this were incredible

you two are a couple of the gurus in my life. great vid keep it up! 💕

Hell yeah, Tom!

Interesting conversation. I'll be honest I do still see elements of that white saviour complex leaking through in this conversation (some things definitely raised an eyebrow) but I appreciate that you three seem to be somewhere along your journey of unpacking that. Edit: had to pause and will probably not finish the video. Statements like 'they live in a trash heap', said so casually, really do take away from the humanity of the people Tom believes he helped. I think in order to truly help people, we need to unpack and acknowledge our privileges without buying into the western belief, that it makes us better than them. There's a basic level of respect that I think sometimes gets lost when people from developed nations discussed the issues facing those of us from developing nations.

The Calvinist pastor of my old independent baptist church had the whole new testament memorized (allegedly), and would make us as children memorize and recite the Heidelberg catechism in front of the whole congregation. It's still odd to recognize that the child who did that is the same person I am now.

This is how I feel as a person raised in Mormon culture. I was sent to church as a child just to get out of my moms hair so she could read the Sunday paper and drink her coffee in peace and maybe learn some morals. The Jesus stuff made sense, like loving your neighbor and feeding and administering to the needy. I missed out on all the really scary parts of the Bible so I can’t understand the so called Christians that spend so much effort politicizing hate and fear. The fact that missionaries are sent to Guatemala to help but then Christian Nationalists were fine with those poor people being separated from their children is confusing to me. I don’t believe any of the mythology now but still hang on to those teachings that help us be accepting and kind. By the way, I love that creamcicle kitty.

I didn't grow up in the South, but my pastor in WA was a southern Baptist. Thank you for posting this stuff, because it's always really nice to hear from other former Baptist folks who got out. It's SO wild to hear about someone who has almost the exact same experience growing up

damn, i’m so grateful for this video. i was right there too. so zealous & committed to finding and emulating the truest essence of christ that i had no choice but to reject it all in the end. thanks for the conversation, tom! 🩵 more tom on the channel!!

My experience is so, so similar to Sam's. Definitely was led out of Christianity by Jesus, and finally left because I realized no one else took it as seriously, and no one else ever would. This was years after i had all but stopped believing in the supernatural and the literal truth of the Bible. I kept going because I still believed in Jesus' teachings. I finally realized, though, that you cant really practice the radical asceticism Jesus DEMANDS by yourself. So when you inevitably fail to meet those expectation, you're easy prey for manipulative authority figures, pretty much regardless of the context, due to all the internalized shame. I feel better than I ever have after leaving. I can actually love myself and prioritize my own needs without feeling guilty and seek out things that will actually give me fulfillment and growth without shame.

Oh god the guitar at the beginning was triggering lolol

you all are a huge inspiration to me

Regarding the evils of home ownership, you either pay a bank for a time or pay a landlord forever… or you are unhoused, which comes with a whole slew of hazards. I'm not sure that Jesus would want everyone to suffer those hazards; I think he would want everyone to have their basic needs meet. Curious if anyone else had thoughts on this. I'm not a fan of giant houses, but a small place that meets your needs doesn't seem unreasonable.

Ive never seen stories that i can relate so much to. I was catholic and had so many similar feelings and awakenings throughout my journey away from the church. It’s so crazy how so many of these religions are similar. Thanks for sharing all these stories.🙏🏻

My mom hung out with a couple of nuns who worked in east St Louis when my mom was doing legal aid for housing that might come close to the requirements Tom set himself, but she's catholic, so still wouldn't have counted. Other than that, I don't know a lot of people who would have qualified

Of all the ex-fundie content I've watched, this has to be some of the most relatable. I never got to go on a missions trip, but otherwise my trajectory was very similar to yours. With the added layer of being afab and queer, that is, which....yikes. thanks for sharing you guys!

We love Tom!!!!

I just started watching you guys, but man, I already want "Christianity happened to me" merch 😂

omg I live 2 minutes away from this church lmfao

Terrific video. It's amazing that so many can escape the intense early brain-washing and build stable lives. And glad to see you two are part of it. Does Tom know Sydney Davis Jr. Jr.? She also speaks of knowing the Duggars back when.

wait, you can’t be married and be a seminary teacher? all of mine were married women

Moooooooore please

Oh my gosh my life ! So nice to hear an SBC deconversion shared.

Yes more Tom on the channel! Loved this discussion 🎉 I always wanted someone at my church to tell me how to balance valuing myself as a human and giving of myself like jesus but it's so hard to know what's right in a practical sense.

Bouncing eyes OMG I thought I made that up!

Can't wait to hear more Hot Takes from Hot Tom!

Seminary doesn’t hold the same authority in the mormon church but they sure did use my seminary “diploma” as proof of my credential to proselytize in Brazil! 🤣

Thumbnail is hella cute 💖✨💖

Being hit hard by the worship music i feel that. I miss it sometimes but its also triggering

I can only empathize ......my wife attempted to mingle in the Baptist Church .....it's worse than my former Jehovah Witnessess .....just a more successful cult 😂😂😂

53:09 kitty cat u ok?? He been chillin 😂

Banksy is the true star

Ok we *NEED* "hot takes with hot Tom" 🔥 This was great!!

Oh my God I remember that Mormon commercial with the two women in the cafe!! The selling point was that reading the Book of Mormon makes you a nicer human in every day life XD Edit: found it! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Y6SpccveFi8.html

just found this channel. Loved the video. You all are adorable people

I’m reformed Presbyterian which is FULL ON Calvinist so I relate SO HARD!!

Yall when i was in middle school my church had a youth trip where we went down to the shoreline (north/east coast US) to a convention hall to have a whole “being saved” conversation where some guy spoke about having been doing drugs/ODing before coming to christ, so it’s absolutely a thing up here too, while probably not nearly as intense. I didn’t get to listen through it though, i got horribly sick and spent my time vomiting.

So interesting to hear his story!! He seems such a nice person 💕

My straps had to be 3 fingers thick and no spaghetti straps. I can relate!

Love the interview but wish Sam could have spoke more. Seemed like it was hard for her to cut in. 😊

So many people throwing out the baby with the bathwater and then spend the rest of their lives trying to find another one.