Let's Talk Beauty Standards 

I am 5,8 and my husband is 5,4 and we get stares and nasty comments all of the time but we dont care we love one another but it was hard for me to accept that I was in love with him because I thought I would be less feminine

The way we present ourselves to the world is soooo powerful. When I finally gained confidence in myself I didn't lose any weight, I didn't look any different, it was all internal and yet people treated me different in a positive way. At the end of the day, beauty isn't forever as the beauty standard also includes being young. But if your personality is beautiful, that's forever.

I wish teenagers knew that beauty standards are so made up that within my 30 years on earth, they've changed dramatically in western society. I also hate how fashion available to teens often aims to emphasise or highlight one beauty standard; so when girls put these clothes on their body they can feel that their body is failing a test, rather than the reality that is the garment is failing them.

I’m 5”9 I always thought growing up I should be with a really tall man, but when I wasn’t looking for a relationship I ended up falling in love with one of my friends who is the same height as me. People make snide comments. Love is not shallow.

"Why aren't you wearing a Victorian corset" Sis, I'm broke

Social media is so powerful that we live our lives each day looking at different people tall, short, white, black, big, small etc and yet STILL all strive to to look ONE particular way.

As a blk woman, same complexion as you, the lack of eligible black men is sad. Years ago my friends and I did a girl’s night out. We bought a table to a black tie/fancy dress party. At this table of 12, 3 of us were married. My auntie was there too. She saw our table and all these beautiful, successful black single women. After church the next day she took me aside and said it was sad and I needed to start cross racial dating. I did and am now married to a white guy who loves me and its been fun learning about his culture Australian/English and teaching him my culture Af. American. I love black men, but black women need love too.

Nahhhh I know we are talking about beauty standards but can we peep how beautiful Adella is looking in this vid. It’s the effortless beauty for me !! 😍😌

Her accent is so cute, I could listen to her for hours

I appreciate the research that went into this. I'm South African and the story of Sara Baartman has always resonated as the cruel outcome of unfounded standards of normalcy. We really need a collective reflection on our choices of what is and isn't beautiful lest we become cogs in a well oiled colourist, racist and patriarchial commercial system.

Someone once told me that when I smile, my face lights up and glows, and that one comment changed my perception of myself. I feel beautiful every time I smile now. One compliment, tailored to a specific person, can change the way they see themselves. I dare you to try it. Compliment someone when you meet them. See the look on their face light up. You can tell it makes their day but it also can have such a lasting impact and makes them feel good about themselves. THAT'S how we change beauty standards, by making everyone feel their uniqueness is beautiful.

I have made it a point to UNFOLLOW enforcers of these beauty standards (bc I have low esteem but I know that's not their fault). Instead, I expose myself to yt channels like Abella's and follow wholesome content, like art pages, pets and natural hair stuff.

just a little thing: ive watched a lot of videos about corsets in the last few months, and apparantly corsets were historically NOT worn to conform to any beauty standard, per se. they were worn bc womens clothes were very heavy and needed structural support, so a corset helped. they also helped with the "structural support" of the womens bodies themselves. partially some corsets were there for breast support and also - try slouching with a corset on. your posture is always perfect, which is good for the back, especially bc most women wearing corsets or similar garments were working women, not just high society people who did no manual labour their whole lives.

I agree with all points made and this video was beautifully done. But I do think the issue of black men not wanting black women is very real. I know I'm probably biased due to my experiences but there are so many (if not every) black women who can relate to black men slandering dark skin and all black women in real life, to their faces or in their vicinity (family, friends, even boyfriends, etc). I think black men are "ok" with dating black women but most of the time their true preference is non-black people. And they are very vocal about their non-black preference online and offline. I go to a whole HBCU and I guarantee if you were to ask any one of the black boys here what type of girl they like they would not say black girls. Yaknow? I would love to hear more thoughts on this.

Thx for this. Living in the US, it feels like these beauty standards are rammed down our throat 24/7. I’ve significantly reduced my time on social media because I’m tired of comparison thoughts creeping in. Some days are still hard, but overall, it’s helped me to remember what’s real & what I value about myself. Im 25 and refuse to waste anymore time trying to fit a certain mold. In addition to beauty standards, do you ever feel the pressure of feminine sensuality standards too?

what struck me the most about this video was the introduction. the way you said "does she just have fair skin, blue eyes etc." it kind of made me do a double take. i am from england and am constantly the butt of a joke about my pale skin, blue eyes, height (5"9) and skinny physique. they constantly compare me to vampires, saying i look sick. here in the uk the girls at my school are obsessed with fake tanning, caking on makeup, and having curves. it's ironic that what is desired in one place is undesirable in another. it just made me think that i should rock what i look like because there will always be people who don't like the way i look. you might as well have fun while they're at it. for those who need a boost, here is a quote from an edit i saw that really stuck with me: "Never forget who you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour and it can never be used to hurt you."

Hey subbies, let me know if you enjoyed this sort of video. Lots of research went into this to try and formulate it and add structure and facts to my thoughts but it’s ultimately my think piece. Let me know what you think and thanks for your continued support xx

I think for me the hardest thing is liking photos of myself. I have an asymmetrical face and I'm too used to seeing it in the mirror, so to me photos don't look like me therefore I interpret that as ugly....plus I can't pose and I don't know my angle 😅

When I was 11 I started getting a lot more insecure. I started thinking everything about me was ugly. That I never had the potential to be a pretty girl because I didn’t have the thin hourglass look or the thick curves that the other girls had. Everything about me was ugly to myself and I hated myself. Sometimes I would just cry at night saying that I hate myself to myself and thinking I wish I could look like my friends or the celebrities on my phone. I looked at my friends and I thought wow they’re gorgeous creative fun but what am I I’m bland. But one day I looked at myself differently. I look at my beautiful eyes my hair my clothes my personality. Of course I still have insecurities. But I am way more aware that I was created for a reason and that I matter. Nobody’s perfect and I know that now. I am on this earth for a reason, and I don’t plan on spending my time on this earth looking at toxic beauty standards and comparing myself to them.

You remind me so much of Kerry Washington! 💖

But the quality of the video though! It’s the crispness fa me

Baby girl let's talk about how gorgeous you are. Your eyes glisten.

I'm going gray, so people had commented on that, and I'm getting my first expression lines. But two turning points made me ignore the beauty industry message. 1. When Nivea launched a tv spot for an anti-aging cream and the model was 21 years old. That was pure comedy and made me questioned why weren't mature women on anti-aging ads. 2. When I learned that the same manufacturer for Dove and that bullshit filled love myself campaign was the biggest seller of whitening creams in the East. With ads showing how white skin is better than dark skin... so,no hair dye for me and a cleanser and moisturizer with SPF for my face. Saving a lot of $$$.

Omg I love this... your mind, your thinking anddd well researched points! I’m in awe 🙌🏾🤗❤️

The most popular guy in my school is the exact opposite of the men's standard here. But his charisma is just i-

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder except there is no beholder in the world for you. I guess this sums it up everything.

Corset were basically bras. Very tight tight lacing was considered improper throughout history of stays and corsets

The harsh reality is people will always be deemed ugly or attractive. Humans were made to be superficial. But one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Don’t get upset or be depressed that you aren’t your types type. Find someone who loves you for your imperfections. Looks fade and only satisfy the surface. Your character is what will make someone stay. J Lo is single but Gabourey Sidibe is happily married.

Culture is literally man made. MAN made.

' Nah B, you just a sheep' Excellent. I love all the historical facts in this video! Thank u for being a sensible voice Adella! I don't even think I have advice on how to be more confident tbh. I think that building confidence is defiantly a muscle that you gotta work on. The hard thing is that some of the insecurities you have feels like it comes from within but it's just a result of reading/being on social media where you are bombarded with other people's opinions. Silence the voices of other people in your life, even if that means being on social media less. Also, take time, take time. For example; i dont wear wigs or straight hairstyles. I normally wear twist/braids or my natural hair. and i remember when I'm around black women who wear beautiful straight wigs I kinda feel insecure. like I'm supposed to look like that. and honestly, it hooked me to my core haha. had to check myself REAL FAST haha. There are some quotes that I heard in a poem of a believer that talks about womanhood. I keep these close to my heart. - when did the mouth of men in who’s image women are not made in begin to damage us so silently. - What is a woman? I will tell you, ask the God who made her. - We must be smarter, must be wiser, must be bent on loving truth no matter how contradicting it is to a dying culture. I tell you a woman is no fool unless she chooses to be. ;)

Corsets are the equivalent of bras. They weren't these torture devices designed to oppress women

im so happy you talked about this and i’ve seen way more people talk about this too! i think social media multiplied the problem 100 times and we have a long way to go, but if we keep talking about it, i hope we will all look like ourselves in the future and love our own features, rather than think they’re ugly (because of a lack of representation/rejection in the media obv). the media we consume is SO powerful, and we are just starting to criticize it. let’s keep goinggggg

Yes! Thank you! Especially the point of focusing on ourselves. It’s such a simple truth. But we can only be ourselves and no one else. The world in its madness will constantly present new unrealistic ideals, and it can be draining constantly comparing to these things. But these standards need to be put in their place and labelled as exactly what they are...unrealistic, created to keep the masses hooked to what they cannot get. People will try and do all they can to fit these standards, only for it to change, and regret to follow. What has helped me is asking God to help me view myself and others the way he does. Letting go comparison, and actually appreciating the uniqueness of each human being, and intentionally confronting thoughts that make me feel inferior. It changes my view from “I want what she has” to truly appreciating the beauty in variety, accepting that it’s okay that we all don’t look the same, and actually then treasuring what I have because I’m not weighing it up against someone else. It’s not more or less beautiful in comparison to others, it’s just beautiful, we can only be ourselves! The least we can do is live each day knowing how beautiful God has made us, telling ourselves this truth especially in the face of standards that try and make people feel otherwise or less than because they don’t have a,b,c. And even if they get a,b,c someone else will come and say they actually prefer x,y,z. Ahh plix ooo nobody can come and break our heads 🤣❤️

This quality of this video 10/10 loved it!

Lupita is my goal.....like....I know we talking about dropping beauty standards.....but Lupita thooooo😩 she so fine! Funny enough I am lighter skinned and grew up with people hyping my skin up, but I always envied my mother and sister's darker skin....fr beauty is in our own eyes

beauty standards are constantly changing, as women we are constantly trying to achieve a certain beauty expectation that is dictated by trends that are not realistic. so many beauty standards are literally unachievable and unrealistic- things that wouldn’t be achieved without surgery for example. i’m sick of women being valued or condemned for just their beauty/appearance, before their mind, personality and knowledge.. you’re so intelligent and this video was so insightful

Thank you for discussing beauty standards. It’s crazy that most people don’t acknowledge that 95% of men globally, if not more, are NOT married to Instagram Influencers, Models and/or women that are considered an 8 or Higher. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful and desired, but realistically there’s much more to your attractiveness than just your physical attributes. Great video Adella 👏🏽👍🏽

Finally RU-vid recommended something good. You're so smart, well spoken and pretty I had to subscribe

"Beauty standards" should not define how people now a days can dress, express themselves, etc. Everyone should just be themselves and not compare themselves to others.

Tw: Anorexia I went through a troubling time in my life that led me to starving myself thinking I’d be more desirable. I lost so much weight so quickly and the backlash from my loved ones was the opposite of what I expected: they were concerned for my health and well-being, not telling me how pretty I was. Even though in real life I had love and support, social media telling me how ugly and unwanted Black women are just seeped into my brain. High school was the worst, that was 2012-2016 for me, when Vine and Twitter and Instagram were full of those memes completely degrading Black women. It took a while but I left most social media behind, focused on my physical and mental health bc it was clearly tied together, and asked myself what EYE thought was beautiful about me. That’s when I really noticed a difference in my self-esteem and confidence. I’m still FAR from where I want to be, but it’s so important to determine beauty standards for yourself before anyone else can. Thank you for sharing this video and your lovely insight, it’s nice to come out on the other side and start living for yourself rather than strangers on social media! 💗💗💗

My adopted RU-vid sister (even though she doesn’t even know of my existence) but I love you sis! I appreciate your content and creative flow 👏🏾😂♥️

this makes so much sense, I love this video. ppl are toxic af. its stupid how beauty standards are massively directed to women. really shed some light tho..

I hate hate hatee western beauty standards as an Arab girl. I'm definitely white-passing, but my nose is huge, and I'm hairy af which cancels out the fact I have the 'conventionally attractive' blue eyes, somewhat full lips, etc. It sucks, because people seriously made me ashamed of my ethnic features throughout high school and it still affects me to this day. I even remember one time in the summer (I naturally get VERY tanned in the sun) my aunt told me I was 'too dark' when I visited her in the middle east, and it really is sad because she's obviously basing her opinion off white standards of beauty.I remember when people visited us during summers in Canada (it gets hot and sunny af here), and they'd tell me "you have beautiful eyes but you're too dark, you need to stay out of the sun" because I spent all of my time outside. So I tried washing my skin colour off when I was like 8 years old. I don't mean to sound ignorant either, because I know the more 'obvious' POC have it worse, but it really sucks still - especially when it's your family or 'friends' saying this stuff. edit: another Lil' struggle - nobody (not even Rihanna) makes a good range of olive makeup for Asians which nobody seems to care about?

Lovely video Adella. I think what you say ~ 10:00 about the fact that sometimes social media creates a truth that doesn’t even match the reality around us is very true. For eg the vast majority of black men around me are with black women but somehow Twitter narratives were starting to make me accept that black men do prefer non-black women.

this wedding thing caught me of guard. I never thought about it.

This was such an amazing video, i really enjoyed it 💕. I know one thing that helped my confidence in my teens when people would make me feel ugly/ unattractive, was to tell myself otherwise. I told myself that this is the only face I've got and God doesnt make mistakes, so i either enjoy it or be miserable. And realistically strangers dont care about how i look that much, a weird look wont kill me, so i don't have to care about what anyone thinks. It wasnt easy and i still have to tell myslef this everyday but overtime, you learn to love yourself in all your glory.

Gurl whatever the beauty standards happen to be, you EXCEED THEM. you are drop dead gorgeous!!!!!

“Is she agreeing or his she just taller and darker” sis you are screaming!! I’m petit af with a really big mouth, constantly arguing and bringing facts to the table. But I’ve been in situations where a dark tall sister would say something that’s contradicting someone and they’d label her ‘angry black woman’ when I would actually say way worst than she did and wouldn’t get that reaction🥴🥴

I think it's also important to recognize that beauty standards harm everyone--even those they seem to "fit" the standard. And today, to be honest, beauty standard are straight up unrealistic.

this video is fantastic! i also think it's so weird how so many of our modern beauty standards are, to an extent, very pedophilic. the beauty standard is very much so petite, hairless, small hands and feet, poreless, wrinkle-less skin, 'innocent' looking features, which is the exact same way someone would describe a child. it's like we're being conditioned to have the faces and features of children, all while still being expected to b alluring and attractive to adults.

Why did you do Uncle Idris like that 💀😩

You just appeared on my recommendation and omg what a beautiful woman you are, everything on you is just flawless 😍

Absolutely brilliant video as always - recently started my locs journey and wanting to make a video about black women's hair in the workplace/the standards set for our hair... not sure exactly what angle to take but this has definitely given me inspo! I appreciate the research and delivery x

Building self confidence is like learning a new skill. Practice to get better at it. Step by step, day by day keep working on it. Whether its accepting how you look, learning how to dress in a style that you like on you, how you carry yourself, who you interact with, how you take care of ur mind and body etc. ♡ be kind to yourselves and don't fall for the capitalism tricks of making you feel ugly. ♡ you are lovely as you are!

I must say, throughout your videos you look stunning, beautiful and different I like that. I love the quote you mentioned pretty good. When it comes to beauty standards the best way I can say it without sounding rude is (I don't care, we shouldn't care either) is this beauty standards paying your bills, your loan, giving you money to get your life sorted; for the influenceres most likely but what about the regular people! I don't think. You need to love yourself for who you are, avoid social media on a daily because, that makes you feel insecure when being consumed too much. This days now man accepted woman to look a certain way because, of what the media is showing them we woman shouldn't allow that. We need to show them this is how I look like when I add weight and when I don't, love me or not. I don't have insecurities, I love myself and my family taught me well. When you have a good family especially support, no one can tell you nothing. I really enjoyed this videos. ❤

This highlights the need for a shift in societal beauty standards that are inclusive of all races and ethnicities. It is important to celebrate diversity and promote self-love and acceptance for all individuals.

Its nice to hear a British English speaker instead of Americans who seem to dominate the internet/media. I totally disagree that white women are the standard of beauty. By that I mean that I don't think only white people are beautiful, there are many types of beauty and that is a wonderful thing. We just need to open our eyes :) As for trends, I wear what I like and what is comfortable, what I think suits me, I don't care about the fashion, that is just the inconvenient thing that means I can only buy certain types of clothing/styles that are available. I could be a real rebel and wear something totally far out but I just don't care enough. What is really sad is that black people are enemies to their own kind sometimes. Really sad.... As for thinking some are not beautiful but for a platform, how about realising that is a different type of beauty that appeals to others, just not you? Having said all of this, when you are an older woman, you are invisible mostly, that is actually a good thing because you are free of all this crap to a large degree :)

I like how you pointed out the insecurities and specific ideas the media tries to push vs what we actually see happening in real life 💗

I as a Afro Hispanic 💀 have not been to many wedding in my life. I literally only been at one !! It wasn’t even within the same ethnicity it was to a white man.

you are way smart. I love how you presented everything and then transitions your opinions

you have to see people and meet them to really know if you'd be attacted to them and that has to be portrayed in media more! who i like on a 2D picture is pretty consistent lol but the one thing I like over everything else is a pretty face on a man. lawd. my husband looks nothing like any of the men i've been with before him (a good 30 yrs before I met him), cause he's the first 'thick' man i was with. he has a cute face tho and all my kids got it lol. but face aside, my husband is sexy as hell cause i'm attracted to him and his confidence, attitude, blah blah blah. the idea that one type is person is going to be the ideal for you - much less the ideal for the whole work - is so much bunk meant to make us feel inferior and unfulfilled in our bodies so we can keep buying products and surgeries.....

0:49 - i love how you gave examples from different cultures

I'm so glad I clicked on your video. It just reminded me how when I was a teen, I paid little attention to pop culture and the beauty standards at the time. I knew what they were, but they had little effect on me since I didn't surround myself with that one standard. To me, so long as someone is fit, healthy, and took care of their skin and hair (along with a bonus of them knowing how to dress themselves in flattering ways--basically things within our power to be in control of and change), then they are beautiful and attractive. Everything else is based on personal preference. Now, as a young adult, I've paid more attention to pop culture and the beauty standards in different countries. I thought I was still unaffected, but I am reminded at how subconscious that programming is because I have not had a healthy thought about beauty in a while. Thanks a lot for the reminder. 💗

I think that the desire to "keep up with trends" is actually biology and just shows our desire to be the best.But the media/society and your upbringing definitely determines what it takes to be "beautiful"

Adella!!! This essay is fantastic! Your intelligence and ability to compile information and delivery it so succinctly is profoundly inspiring. Sooo glad you're doing these essays. It's such a great idea, super refreshing and informative. I'm definitely learning a lot. Such a worthwhile watch.

I really enjoyed this video. The facts and research you did for this made it extremely interesting. I also enjoyed the different clips throughout was even more engaging than usual. x

"The more you care about others, the less you care about yourself" This idea, that there’s only one specific type of beauty approved by other, breaks the relationship that we are supposed to have with our inner self, and it even force us to need and seek the validation and approval of others. So, my advice is to stop thinking about pleasuring others, and start thinking about the better ways to please ourselves, so you can cultivate not only your inner peace, and the acceptance that sometimes we are seeking. In the end, what matters is the perception that you have about yourself. Sorry if I was a bit redundant!

Honestly exposure to different women and body types exuding confidence has really helped me to see what confidence looks like and that it’s not just for one size or one look. Also, getting to know my body, especially the parts I’m critical of has helped me come to accept them (eg. Moisturising my mama pooch since giving birth) and also bringing up other women and thinking to myself ‘wow she looks so good, good for her’ kind of thing rather than immediately being jealous and comparing myself to her because we’re all human out here, she can’t help that she looks that good it’s not her fault 😂

0:49 wow! I’ve never seen RU-vidrs talk about Myanmar or their people. ♥️

Your create the best, healthiest, refreshing, encouraging content. Thank you ☺️

Yes your advice at the end of the video is so good!!! (Focus on yourself) I recently started to think what I should be thankful for rather than dwelling on the negatives and what beauty standards say is the ideal and it’s made me so much more confident.

Well said sis, I've got locs now as I was Feb up with wearing wigs and weaves, making me feel like my hair wasn't good enough, a lot of pressure on women, fab video

I just want to say, I think this woman is a beautiful person. They are trying to help others and are diplomatic, smart and mature about a serious issue that despite what some say, this is something most people will suffer from. This video is something that will help people and probably already has. You are beautiful. Everything in this video has shown it.

I think the best advice I can give as someone who has grown up with social media is to remove those that have a negative impact on you and your wellbeing. I removed so many models and Instagram influencers because they always portrayed my ideal body but as a teenager looking up to a grown adult.

I regret keeping this in my watch later playlist for so long! I love this, keep them coming girl 🙌

What you say about how beauty is constructed is so true. As a poc and a majority white area I grew up hating myself, and thinking white = beauty and brown and black = ugly. I grew out of it mostly by moving to a more diverse area and seeing beautiful men and women of color around me, and seeing more diversity in media too. Beauty is constructed by proximity and the media.

This is a wonderfully done video! Btw, I think you are gorgeous! It's so crazy that people want to be lighter skinned, I love how people can be super pale and super dark, super skinny and super curvy, etc. it's what makes people beautiful and interesting, otherwise everyone will look the same. There are so many gorgeous darker skinned black women like Lupita Nyong’o, Grace Jones, Iman (who married a white guy, funny because you were talking about how black men want to marry white women :P ), and Duckie Thot, to name a few, all super beautiful! There's also the super model Winnie Harlow who has vitiligo so her skin has both dark and light

It's true that the beauty industry won't make money if we were all confident. It's in their best interest to have you feeling insecure by setting standards. To be unaffected by it all you've got to work on yourself, build that confidence, build that self-esteem and look after yourself in healthy ways.

I've never seen you before but within the first min I liked & subbed, your energy is on point. binge watch time

Totally agree with everything you say. I find that even people who are conventionally attractive from the outside can become much less attractive by their nature or the way they present themselves. The most attractive thing about most people is how they makes others feel in their presence. When you feel like you can be completely yourself with no judgement around someone, that is very very attractive. When you meet a new person and they ask you about yourself instead of just constantly talking about themselves, that makes me much more attracted to them as a person. Only came across your channel a week or so ago, but I just want to say I think your content is great. Thank you for putting up such helpful and thoughtful videos.

Looking stunning here! Makeup on pointtt

Honestly I did not even know there were beauty standards until I got a beauty video that was recommended to me when I was 14. (16 now) I was like "huh, I guess I'm not beautiful because my lips are thin and I have medium sized eyes and I'm not "thick skinny" or whatever it's called". I genuinely was surprised at all this. And apparently you need to be symmetrical, wich I'm not even close. And ya know what? None of these "beauty standards" have made me want to change the way I look. I like the way I look. I think I'm attractive, not to everyone obviously, but I don't care if you think I'm ugly or not: I find MYSELF attractive and that's all that matters. And it really sucks that young girls my age are going through this, because a lot of them don't think like me and are already changing their styles and everything because of stuff like this. I wish they would believe me when I told them that they are absolutely pretty, inside and out.😔

this is my first time watching any of your videos and idk why but your voice is just so calming

If I could just offer that 'beauty' is an inherent human desire and so we essentially need beauty in our lives, though we have fallen so far from the ideal, even beauty beauty has become a contradictory topic, and yet another way to demean people.

For me I’ve been insecure about my weight for a long time now, I’m 22 btw.. people would call me ‘anorexic’ say I was too skinny kmt) and this started around secondary school yr 7 it was also when colourism was so bad as well, people weren’t as woke back then. But…. once I realised that my insecurities stemmed from other people, I started to look at myself differently, I wasn’t born with insecurities, no one is. My body is my body, either take it or leave it. Either way, the true ones will appreciate 🥰 I hope this helps someone

If you’re reading this: babes you are a Jawn- the very DEFINITION OF IT. God sat down, He DESIGNED you, He FASHIONED YOU and when He was done: He believed you were BEAUTIFUL enough to put on this planet, to partner w him and change it. Don’t ever let the opinion of HUMANS, make you forget it.

Wait...how did this video escape the confines of my mind and materialise on RU-vid? 😂 Great content, fabulous message 👏Also, have been facepalming for the longest time...after realising that Instagram isn't in fact the supreme devil. TikTok. TikTok is the ultimate tool of destruction. Barf.

This is a REALLY GOOD VIDEO I love the message that beauty standards don’t actually affect real life and attraction/acceptance as much as we think we do and that being attractive has so much to do with the energy we exude or our temperament. I’ve never thought about it that way but daaaaamn. This is amazing

The way she calmly read them. “Nah b. *youre* just cappin.”

to be honest in the name of beauty it is we who are torturing ourselves to look like someone who's "perfect" in terms of beauty and that someone doesn't exists, there are so many people who are actually good looking they also have insecurities, social media and beauty standards has set up this mentality that you need to look like the complete opposite of how you look and encourage us to change our features, and I'm not against plastic surgery but can we live without it? absolutely. We should be taught how to love ourselves, how to love our features, beauty standards keep changing, I repeat they will always change, so why are we torturing ourselves for a thing which isn't even permanent?

It's important to cultivate your personal style. It sets you apart from ever changing beauty treads which will help you save money since they are typically strategic for profit changes that are designed to make you feel insecure in slight ways that have enough impact to make you purchase a product or clothes etc but have lasting effects on your mental health. Developing a personal style also creates an unbreakable sense of self. You start to know what looks good on you and what doesn't and it makes you no longer vulnerable to the perceptions and opinions of the harmful voices that make themselves heard. When you know how YOU yourself like to look in your daily life the standards of others are collateral lost in the battle that is your appearance and mental health. How you take care of yourself is completely your choice and is an indirect reflection of how you feel about yourself. I personally think about my completion being 6 shades darker and then Im searching tanning videos on RU-vid at 5am in the Americas autumn. I remember that I love my shade ,I shower , moisturize, stretch and rub my skin as I prepare it to receive nourishing rest. When I awake I focus on what I'm accomplishing while dressed in clothes that I chose and like very much. I'm proud of myself for staying on track. Do what works for you passing reader.

I don't really have any helpful advice tbh. At some point I was just so sick of hating myself for years. I thought to myself: do I want plastic surgery to change this? And my answer is no, I am broke, I'd rather use my money for my family, food, stationary and sometimes cute clothes. I made an active decision to not hate my body. So I ignored it and just accepted it as it is. Sometimes I think it's bomb, sometimes I think it's just my flesh vessel or whatever. You don't have to love your body to be confident. A quote from a tiktok that stuck with me: "My body is the least interesting part of me" And if that doesn't resonate with you then that is probably a good place to start. Find the things you love to do, take down some of the extra mirrors in your home and be in your body and not just look at it. But again, I don't have solid advice on how to get there. I sometimes still feel gross (funnily enough, only with clothes on) but them I just wear something oversized, put my hair up and get on with my day. I'd just like to point out corsets weren't necessarily a trend per se, they were undergarments like bras. There are amazing videos by fashion historians on this by, for example, bernadette banner. Just thought I'd point that out. Corsets, usually, weren't used to restrict bodies and reshape them like the other examples. Usually there was a lot of padding involved to suit the trend- not resticting. Apparently it was implemented by men that corsets were bad and that's where that stereotype comes from. You can't really compare historic corsets to cheap modern ones, they are cool but not meant to be worn all day, so of course they aren't as comfortable just thought I'd share this. Do with it what you will

This was such a great reminder, thank you so much to the algorithm for showing me such a great creator. And thank you for making this, it was really impactful and well put together, you had great points.

Wait, at the beginning what were the questions "Is she pretty or is she fair skinned with...Is he handsome or is he 6 ft+ and ..."

The way you describe "healthy in a utopion world" at 13:45 is literally EXACTLY how I look at people. Since I was a kid I got so confused about these "rules" of how a person should look. I was never able to look at people in this way. I see people as people and I believe everyone is perfect the way they are otherwise they wouldn't have been put on this earth looking the way they do. I am attracted to people's energy. Every person I've dated looked completely different. To this day I can say I feel complete and utterly alone in my perception and opinion and it hurts me so much. At times it feel unbareable.

I know it's not related directly to the topic! But your voice is so peaceful it is amazing to have such a motivating speech with that voice! And your face is like the incarnation of kindness! Thank you for this positive content! Love it

this was such an exciting thing to listen to on a Sunday afternoon, i think about this a whole lot but i never talk about it with people who are open enough to listen. society's standards in their entirety have ruined and tainted our views of each other and ourselves and because we live in it we cant change it by living by the standards we want to live in for fear of being ridiculed etc and its just a long convoluted spiral its sad but i think trying to learn to navigate and help people find a way to work with the contraints of society is so healthy and maybe eventually will lead to a world which is led more by people not living by anyones standards but their own, just kinda chillin with people rather than competing against them for whatever it is society deems life's goal to be that was a long mess of me just ranting but thank you for having this discussion :) all the best 💜

“Why are you not wearing a Victorian corset right now?” Well... I am. But that is mostly because I like the other extreme beauty modifiers mentioned earlier in the video, corsets do at least also have some practical uses- namely, fantastic bust and back support. And they’re much more comfortable (and far less painful for me) than a bra. And I’m disabled due to a spinal condition, so I actually do need that back support, and if I weren’t wearing a corset, I’d be wearing a back brace. But mileage varies on that, obviously. I’m also not going to deny that a corset makes me feel better about myself in regards to beauty standards. I’m a fat wheelchair user. When I stand, I have fairly defined curves- that all disappears when sitting, but a corset keeps that definition. So when I’m wearing them out- yes, there’s absolutely a beauty aspect to it. I prefer to use historical methods to meet a beauty standard I like, because I can also pad out as well as corset. I can’t change my body, so I change the “shell” of foundation garments that my clothes go into. I find that easier and (mentally) healthier, but there’s still an effort to meet a beauty standard there, even if that standard is a very old one, rather than a current trend. Abby Cox talks about this in her video about wearing 18th century clothing for 5 years. I mean- if we are pressured to meet a beauty standard either way, is it better to try to change our bodies to meet that standard? Or to build it out ourselves with padding and the like? At least historical standards were more about shape than size, so it’s accessible to a lot more people. So that’s the way I choose to meet a standard.... but it’s still a beauty standard. It’s more accessible (to those who can afford to buy or make those sorts of foundation garments), but it’s still a standard.

Wow, I just found out about your channel and I'm in love!! Everything you said was perfect from the start to the end. I'm really grateful for the hopeful outlook at the end of the video because I think we all can get a little caught up in social media and forget what is real, how people think in real life, not the persona they put up online. Thanks so much for this video, it really has helped me to stop and think twice and realize that not everything is black or white! PD: Not to perpetuate beauty standards but you're really beautiful both inside and out :)

Just going to put it out there corsets were not beauty enhancing torture devices.they were perfectly sensible undergarments.remember that they did not have bras back then.and they would wear layers of petticoats which would probably weigh a lot so corsets also provided hip support.tight lacing in a corset was very uncommon and usually done buy young rich women who did not need to move around much or work ,they had servants to do the hardwork for them.working women wore corsets