The topic of adult friendship has been on my mind so much lately that I just had to dedicate an ENTIRE episode to this topic. If you enjoyed the episode and got some value from it, please drop a like and subscribe to make sure you don’t miss out on any future episodes!
Thank you so much for such an important topic. I'm 60 and this is the first time I have heard anyone explain to feel, exactly how I feel- I am not completely crazy. As far as making new friends, at my age with no children and no longer married, it's even harder. A majority of the people I meet have either children or grand children and a significant other that is priority. I am learning to change my mindset and grow into the next chapter.
This video literally saved me. Thank you so much. You have helped me in ways I can’t explain but I came to RU-vid tonight in hopes to find something positive that would turn my feelings of unworthiness off because it’s just been hurting too much. This message is a lifeline and I’m going to download it and replay it when needed. This was more than just a podcast but I life changing tool. Thank you so very much ❤.
I'm tired of being a 4am friend, the reliable one for everyone. It's exhausting and lonely when you don't get it back when you need it. I'm also tired of reaching out to everyone, having them see my message and not respond. For days, weeks and months if I let it be. I am now investing my energy into my own self. I reach out to others, who reaches out to me? It has to be me.
Omg that’s why I watched this video. I’m 41 and Ann being exhausted of being the planner to have everyone read and not respond for extended periods of time. The more time that passes I get angrier and give up on trying to meet up. No calls or texts but occasional reach outs. I’m just over it.
I have to be honest with you. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this world and a lot of us in fact do not have 4:00 a.m. friends like myself. As a matter of fact, I can't think of one person that I consider a true friend. Someone to hang out with. Someone I can call anytime of day. I have people I know that I talk to sometimes.
You are not alone. I don’t have a 4am friend either unless it is a critical emergency(medical). So don’t beat yourself up. Covid has hit hard and a lot of us have to start again slowly.
I can’t even make a casual “let’s talk about nonsense” friend. This stuff is only easy in school. It seems to me people only make friends online these days.
That being said, I do have a 4 AM friend. I just wish I could have other people I could hang out with, because that person doesn’t live in the same province as me. I just want to hang out and have fun with somebody else on the regular. You could only deal with family all the time for so long…
@@dianneedwards4757 I live though in a very isolated rural area so that complicates things. I have the Meetup app and realistically there isn't much for me to participate in out here. I just wish I had some good girlfriends to hang out with and talk to
I'm an "other's focused" person... I check in, help, paint with them, help them move, go hiking and biking with friends, always there in a crisis... but nobody initiates towards me. When I'm tired of initiating and pull back nobody contacts me. That is very sad for me. I've quietly ended friendships when the person will absolutely not contact me or initiate... or reach towards me. As I go on in life my friends get fewer and fewer.. and fewer. Thank you for these lectures.
You sound like a Libra you beautiful libras are so friendship oriented and without you guys we’d all be such a mess. And my my really good friend he never gets invited to anything he initiates everything. But he has changed everybody’s life in so many ways by doing so. Don’t give up at all it’s a wonderful treat to be a Libra had to be so friendly and organize people all the time. Don’t worry they’re not as involved as you are and they need you
I've realized most friendships are based on convenience. It's a special thing when you stay in touch with someone you no longer live by or work with... it takes effort when you truly care about a person.
It is mostly convenience. I see 2 of my friends that live close by (2 minute walk) more then my other friends and another friend has a vehicle and mountain bike so I see her because I go biking with her and I don't have a car.
@@lisawanderess How and Why? I truly question your reality. Real friendships are REAL, IN PERSON I BELIEVE, MOST OFTEN. An occasional friendship can be on-line, maybe. That' what I think. Someone on-line is hard to deciper, if they're reality based or taking you for a ride, sringing you along, playing you for a fool, as a scammer does or a narcissist would. There's tons of narcissists now on-line. I take it from the clinical psychologist on line that said this, Dr. Ramani Durvesula.
I totally agree! I can't tell you how many times I've made friends with someone because I thought we had a lot in common and really liked each other but then when the relationship became less necessary or beneficial to them in someway they just didn't seem to care anymore and move on
@@sandramcinnesscott2931 well if you've got lots of friends then why are you even listening to this? Are these real friends or are they acquaintances? And if they are real friends then goody for you but the rest of us are getting something out of this
friendships come and go. i just started calling my "friends" aquaintances because if they don't have time for you then they are not your friend. and vice versa.
I got rid of those types. What’s the point. I got tired of feeling obligated to reciprocate when they had no time for me other than the happy birthday call once a year. If somebody only wants to call me once a year to wish me happy birthday then really honestly I don’t want them in my life anymore. Once you stop reciprocating the birthday call they drop off. I like to talk about deep subjects like why we are here on this planet and how can we make it a better place and what kind of dreams do you have and the last thing I wanna do is go out and get drunk and gossip about other people which seems to be the norm. If someone comes to me with gossip then guess what, I know they are going to be gossiping about me behind my back. Don’t get me wrong venting about the way someone treats you to a trusted friend is totally different than the type of gossip that involves projection, triangulation and the smear campaign. People who intentionally want to break up relationships with lies and destroy other people is the type of gossip that seems to be rampant nowadays. That’s a lesson that took me decades to learn. Another thing, people read your Bible. Cain and Abel and Joseph and his brothers. Those stories are in there for a reason. The Bible is the manual of life 101. People will betray you but likely family and friends will betray you first.
That's how I have always felt, and most of the time, this has always happened to me. However, I always tried to understand that they have their own lives to live. Some of those individuals were just into different things than I was, and I never tried to insert myself into anything.
A hard lesson that I recently learned is that your co-workers are NOT your friends outside of work. Unfortunately there can be a lot of jealously in the workplace, especially among women. I think it’s great to get along with our co-workers, but it’s so important to set up boundaries right from the start.
My recent experience was that WHILE working my coworker was a friend....then when she left to go to another company.....fizzled out. Now, she doesn't say hi back when I text....ghosted I guess?
I am now 77 years old and I have lived long enough to have friends come and go but one thing I know for sure is how important they are to living a happy healthy life. I have one friend I have have known for 45 years and we were friends and close off and on but in the last 10 years we became very close. Now she is showing is in the throws of dementia and it breaks my heart because we no long have our wonderful talks. What I see is we live longer these days and I know you can never stop trying to make new friends. I recently volunteered for habitat for humanity and made a new friend, Younger, and I took an art class and made new friends and I bought a van and am traveling to various places and have made a few new friends. I don't let fear or any thing else stop me from changing up my life and no one knows my age because people think I am much younger in face my boyfriend is 59 and I only met him 4 years ago at a hot springs. So don't stop trying. Make every day the best day of your life. I say that all the time.
My circle of friends got smaller and smaller over time. I have learned to value my free time. I do not want to give my time or energy to shallow and superficial friendships. I can smell BS from a mile away.
Aren’t friendships typically take time to form into something deeper than superficial. I wonder how long it takes for you until you decide a friendship with someone isn’t worth having
As a single person with no children, it’s hard to make friends since so many revolve around and discuss their kids. At women’s events at church, all I could do was sit and listen since I could not contribute. Also, churches are some of the lonliest places if you’re single and have no kids.
I was actively attending a church through my 20s and 30s. It was the loneliest and most painful time of my life. I was single with no kids and was rejected again and again by the men I shared my faith with. There were times I didn't think I could go on. When I was 30 I was too old for the 20 year olds but didn't have much in common with the 30 year olds with husbands and kids. I was alone every holiday. I didn't fit in there or there. Now that I have kids I'm hyper aware of the women around me and want to include them in any way or as much as they want to be included in what I'm doing. You'll never be too old, too young, too single , too childless. We both have a lot to offer each other and fun memories to make. So I'm always open to new friendships!!
Hear ya. Moving, working with only men, illness, not marrying, no children, bad family. 57 and I have not 1 person. Once your I'll anyone hanging in is out because your no longer fun.
When I was young, making friends was something I didn't even think about -- it happened organically. Now, it's like where do I even start and trusting people seems impossible.
I agree, I've tried making friends and each and every one of them has been a dismal failure because ultimately trust becomes an issue and I'm not boring and I am old. 😂
I’m a great listener and secret keeper but have never found the same…except for my husband and grown daughters. How do you find this trust in. a friend?
@@erderder1 we need to create an authentic friend group. We could brain storm, gather our resources and do it. Create something that has never been done before. Anyone of ya ladies interested in taking this into our own hands hit me up. My email address is in my username. If you're wondering what type of person I am. Please read my post on here. A letter to my Mom. Which by the way. It is open to be shared, used and edited to fit your needs. There are many mother's out there who need a to be blessed. Namaste ya 💪🙏🌞💕🌄💚🙃🤗🌟💮🌸
I am far from boring... 64 years old and never a dull moment. I just can't find women who aren't petty and deep divers (deep thinkers) interested in continued learning and growth. I really value loyalty which also seems to be in short supply. Finding like minded loyal friends is hard!
When we get older our context becomes very specific. That makes making friends harder. When we are young we are all students, we all like cartoons. When you grow older, even if we keep liking cartoons, we like fewer cartoons and you meet people who like different cartoons. Of course this example is dumb, but it explains the mindset regarding to topics. Love reading? People like different books. Like pets? This person likes cats and I love dogs. And so on. We believe these details are the key to create a human connection. But that is not true. We can find good people if we open our mind to see what other people enjoy. The best is when there are no strings attached. It means you have no obligation to please. It means two people who can walk away without any grudge, decide to spend time together because it is amusing. No obligation to become besties. Just share time with good people.
I enjoy growth and cannot stomach only listening to most who need constant attention and validation. Me and my world conversation only. I would rather enjoy life more alone. The merry-go-round of the same each season. Do nothing different and nothing will change for the better.
I feel the same way you do. I think I'm interesting, but have a lot of trouble finding women who are like-minded and have time to talk. Also, I don't text. Many find that very strange. I used to have a good number of friends, but when I stopped texting and asked people not to text, that number really went down hill. But I want to stand true to my convictions about not texting. I do have a few friends who respect that with and will call me on the phone or email me.
I’m a new widow; and things changed when I went from a double to a single. They left me out of what we used to do together as couples. So… I moved. New friends, new life, new perspective. Thank you for sharing!!❤
That's a painful realization. And you may realize that men are welcome but women are jealous of single women, or that women simply have less social currency. It's like you are invisible as a single among marrieds. They'll meet you for lunch like you're grandma.
It is very sad feeling like you got thrown out with the trash when a spouse dies. This is a time we need too be treated gently with love and time. Be gentle with yourself It is such a hard journey to lose one’s life partner I felt like my life AND heart crumbled into a million pieces and there was no way to put it all back together One day I might write a book and reach out to others to share their stories and how they did it Good luck!
My heart goes out to you. I'm a widow of ten years and was widowed under the age of 50 (so surrounded by lots of couples). I'll also add, as well as being left out of couples things, and as @tracyoconnell mentioned, _meet you for lunch like your grandma_, there are the ones who say _'oh [husband's name] is away so why don't you come over'_ and then will spend a great deal of time telling you how they hate it when the other half is away... 🤨 I only attended a few of those invites with two different friends and then declined. 😃
@@cclark1638 And people like me, who, despite their best efforts, cannot find a spouse. Can't say I have lots of empathy for people whose spouse died. At least you had someone. Try going through life always single.
#2 - I lived my life thinking that people liked me, and could be trusted. Then I had a big family problem (nothing shameful) ... I found out that in fact I WAY over-estimated how much people liked me, and how trustworthy my friends were.
Me too. I realized I needed to become my friend as I am now. I also decided to make friends based on what I like and do now. I value quality over quantity now, so few friends is expected
I made a big mistake in my thinking for far too many years and sadly realised at age 62 that my three sisters do not care for me in the same way I care for them. I have turned myself inside out to keep family relations running smoothly, and gone over and above what was really necessary whenever one of them had a problem. The penny eventually dropped when I could see I was ‘fawning’ over them to get them to treat me better. Once I stopped, guess what, I just don’t hear from them. That’s so sad, but at least I’m wise to it now. I used to think, ‘I have 3 sisters - automatic best friends. I don’t really need other friends’. Thank goodness I did cultivate friendships anyway as they are invaluable to me now.
I agree. But you are not alone in realizing this. If you refer to the number of subscribers to Mel's channel, ....that # of over a million (close to 2 mill) subscribed validates your comment. The older one gets and experiences the interruptions of well, .... "Life", the more wise we become to the ones that stick by us thru thick or thin.
My world became a lot smaller after my husband died. We live in a grief illiterate society. People don’t know how to deal with death. When someone dies people say inappropriate things, they don’t show up at all, there’s fighting over money, belongings and assets. It’s called “misplaced grief.” That’s a quote from one of my favorite writers Susan Fuller who wrote a book about grief. I found that after my husband passed away people didn’t want to come around. When they saw me and my husband wasn’t there it just magnified all the awkwardness that comes with dealing with death. I didn’t get invited to places. People stopped calling. I’ve gotten involved in bereavement and grief groups but after so many years it didn’t seem appropriate for me to be there anymore. People are closed off. It is hard to find people to connect with. And after the occurrence with Covid that certainly has not helped our social fabric! Great podcast Mel! New subscriber here. I’ve watched you many times on Lewis Howes channel but I didn’t even know you had your own platform. I’m so glad I found you on my feed. I’ve always enjoyed listening to you speak.
Totally relate. My fiance of 18 years died in a cycling accident in May 2020. All of our couple friends have disappeared and, as you say, most people cannot handle being around someone who lost a spouse. I've tried making new friends, but I find people disappointing and they don't follow through.
I’m so sorry you lost your husband and community all in one. This happened to my mom when she lost my dad at 47. The best quote I ever heard is that until people have their own front row seat at a funeral, they will not understand the crippling pain of grief. People don’t get over grief - we move forward with it everyday. It’s actually really sad to discover those were never true friends at all. hugs to you
You are absolutely correct and I’m so sorry you lost your husband and that people are so stupid. I had the same experience after divorce. Don’t get invited anywhere
Damn! I think you ladies need to make your own party for real! That and get involved in some activity you’re interested in. You can meet people, maybe other singles.
My heart goes out to you as I can read through your words the heavy heart you mustve felt for so long. I totally agree with you. There are many forms of grief and in general people/ society dont know how to deal with strong emotions, let alone grief. Blessings. 💕🌹
Spending time with God & reading his word daily has been a game changer. Christ is my best friend. I had many friends too many acquaintances with agendas. Not everyone is your friend or is seeking God. I had to get right with God 1st & it’s a daily practice. Nothing wrong with being still, enjoy your own company. 🙏🏽♥️
Yes, that is what’s made the biggest difference… I’ve always forgotten how much that helped me growing up in my dysfunctional household . I started using friendships activities and other things to fill my life . Those things are all gone. I started turning back towards the Lord and it made a huge difference right before everything and every social Avenue imploded in front of me. Instead of feeling completely alone, I felt a little alone and somewhat heartbroken and a little devastated but when I would spend time with Jesus, I was able to let go of that hurt and pain and realize that I wasn’t truly alone…. I just didn’t have human companionship, and that wasn’t permanent… there would be reconnection and new relationships in the future
Bonding and forming new adult friends is incredibly difficult. Don't let anyone sugar coat this topic. Adults are consumed in their tiny social circle. Trying to break into that circle is a setup for heartache.
Most adults have been jealous of me for multiple reasons. It's been very hard and uncomfortable. Now I just stay away from everyone because jealousy is a terrible monster and leads ppl to do and say creepy things. My family life is more important.
Im in tears right now. Im 52 and just got through a horrible "mean girl" situation....lost my circle of friends. Starting over and I feel lost. Trying so hard to show up for myself but my god its nearly impossible at my age. Im not giving up though. I cry a lot. I hear its healing.
Somebody wrote in my Senior yearbook 45 years ago "To the girl who likes to stay at home and party" The sentiment remains the same. I love my home, the safety, my animals, my gardens, my books, and Utube podcasters. Being alone isn't uncomfortable, small talk is torture and i tend to absorb emotions of others. That hurts worse than being alone IMHO, just sayin! Love you Mel!
truer than true. Had a friendshio that turned to resentment, having the notion that we must grow together as good friends, when i opened up to her about a serious issue in my marriage at the time, and really needed guidance, she shut me down and didnt want to hear it, diverted the conversation about something trivial and light. Thats when i realized it wasnt a deep friendship. My marriage survived, and i realized that our friendship was only for light-heartedness and nothing more, and that is ok. Flexibility is important.
This is what I've experienced with most friendships too. They are happy when things are going well but if I'm ever going through something they disappear. Meanwhile I've helped friends get through job loss, breakups and alcoholism. I've travelled to their city to be with them after a distressing breakup. I always thought people would support me back but they abandoned me when I needed support. My best friend was my wonderful cat. I don't think most people are capable of friendship, most are very self serving and cowardly.
I had abandoned myself trying to have lots of friends…….i treated them better than I treated myself……I now have befriended myself and am gently exploring how and when to make friends…..I need outside validation less and less…….meditation and walks in nature are so nourishing now
I am 63, and left Facebook 10 years ago, as it was fake to me way back then. I don't go on any other media except RU-vid. Age brought wisdom, and now I am grateful for a few friends, a loving husband, and peace of mind. I am a friend to myself also. I have developed interests like gardening inside during the winter (houseplants, sprouting greens) and outside in the heat. I have slowly taught myself to fix and renovate things instead of buying new stuff and that is a hobby now too. Music and dance always has been a friend to my soul. My higher power I call g.o.d. is my trusted confidante too, and I reach out often to it and more when necessary.
Facebook seems to have been harmful to my irl friendships. At first it was exciting to be able to connect without time and space boundaries- reconnecting and having a way to learn what’s going on with people. But without one on one interaction- when it includes so many people- it seems to wash out any sense of real intimacy. It’s nothing like letter writing or phone conversations, which seem to foster deeper bonds. God is real and He’s a person, not a thing. If you draw close to Him He will draw close to you. I’m glad you’re seeking ~ Jesus is a faithful and true friend. Revelation 3:20, Matthew 7:7-8, John 14:6, James 4:8, Matthew 11:28-30
I joined Facebook during lockdown as a means of checking up on people who lived far way. But I quickly got sick of the Humble bragging (I'm so BLESSED! as the continue to brag). I have winnowed things down to 2 Facebook friends that I check in with periodically so I'm about 10 minutes spent on it and I'm done!
people say let's get together, and then when you try to make plans they're so busy it's almost impossible to make plans, and they have to squeeze in between and at the most odd times it's all about their schedule and availability and convenience
Real and good friends make time for you. Discernment. Vetting people.We are most aligned with people who are similar to ourselves. Values beliefs disposition emotional maturity character lifestyle and worldview. Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud Talking To Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell
Exactly…. People who love and care about you make time…. I bet they are not as busy as they are pretending to be. I may have obligations, but I don’t have to go to a Wednesday night church service if someone else needs me in a moment of crisis … I can take a Saturday that I usually spend with my family to have two families hang out together or decide to serve my community. If that isn’t true for your friends, I would say their schedule is too tight . We have some non-negotiables , sort of… but that’s why we stay away from sports and other activities where they won’t let you have any flexibility at all… it tends to lead you towards a very over structured life with no wiggle room. I relish the majority of free afternoons, watching my homeschooled kids play and knowing I have free time if I need it to help others or we want to go meet at a park or spend time at a friends house… There’s a lot of things I was willing to give up , including a new house and new cars, a new wardrobe every year expensive amenities (trust me your budget has things that can go) so that I can be free to serve my family and care for others. I just hope some people will value that as well
Someone who I thought was my best friend said “I don’t have any best friends.” It was so painful to hear and made me realize she was more important to me than I was to her. It really shouldn’t matter but it made me realize I can’t trust myself in friendships..
This grieves my heart. I can't fathom how gut wrenching it was to hear her say that. Realizing a friendship is one sided and you are the one putting in all the effort sucks to realize. 😭
Thank you for this! My best friend of over 15 years acts like she does not want to be bothered, acts like it's a chore to text me back and acts like she does not want to get together anymore. She sometimes will take days weeks and once it took her a whole month to text me back. I finally decided to stop reaching out to her.
Are you sure she isn't in a new relationship with a Narcissistic person. If you have been best friends for 15 yrs, I bet you their a reason. I got in a Narcissistic relationship for five years and I didn't stay in contact with my friends like I had before I met him. This guy would be so mad if I would talk on the ph! I didn't go out with any of my friends while I was in this relationship. I regret it. I ended this relationship after 5yrs bec. he was verbally, emotional abusive and became physically abusive which was made me finally end the relationship!!! My friends and family knew that something was wrong! My ex would go thru my ph, would call people in my ph. It was embarrassing!! I am so happy that I am out of that relationship!! My friends were concerned for me, but I couldn't reach out to them like I wanted too bec. I didn't want my ex who I feel now was a Narcissistic person would cause me harm.
Sometimes married people especially with kids forget about their friends or do not have time for them. It's a sad reality but my experience is that if someone wants you in their life they will make time for you in their life.
I needed this Mel😢 my best friend decided to “ghost” me one day out of the blue. She misinterpreted a text message and wouldn’t talk to me for a week, when she finally agreed to speak with me I explained the text message and all she had to say was “oh”. Didn’t care about the hurt and pain she put me through for an entire week. She has never apologized to me ever! I always come groveling back to her, not this time tho, I don’t deserve this
I feel your pain. A similar thing happened to me. I couldn't understand why I was being discarded after over 30 years of friendship following a disagreement. Then I discovered something called 'Object Constancy' and realised that the 'friend' completely lacked this core characteristic of an emotionally intelligent person. Like you, I had the 'fawn' response. It took a long time to grieve the loss of that friendship but I'm so much happier now.
I got dumped by a 'friend' who said she was only keeping friends who would help her climb the social ladder or advance her career. I didn't make the cut.
I think as adults we have to cut ourselves some slack when it comes to friendships. Life is tough enough without having friendship guilt. I never get angry if I don't hear from someone. "It's not all about me." Be forgiving and embrace those times you do have with old or new friends.
Janis, I completely understand where you’re coming from. But, I have given my friends lots of slack. I excuse everything while I’m put to higher standards and taken advantage of quite often. I get an apology sometimes but honestly, does it even count if they continue with the same behavior?!
@@kimberlyspillman4431 Agree with you, Kimberly. There has to be some effort on both sides. It doesn't have to be equal, but there has to be a feeling that you matter to them. People are not too busy for things that matter. My own sister told me she was too busy to drop me a note as long as the one I'm writing you! Really? She didn't have five minutes for a relationship with her sister.
@@collef1136its called projection. I grew up with a judgmental mother. I had a period in life when i did the same thing. I learned to catch my judgement of others and ask myself what was it in myself was i projecting onto that other person. We are naturally judgmental of everything because its a survival instinct and automatic. If it causes problems for us - its usually projection of what we dislike within ourselves.
I just love how Mel can be herself, vulnerable, funny, original, smart and transparent! She doesn’t lecture us from a pedestal, she can relate to us and inspire us to be the best version of ourselves.
I've actually just got rid of all my 'friends' over the last year. I realised I was/could not be myself with my 'friends'. They always ignored what I wanted, needed or even said and 'we' always did what they wanted or talked about what they wanted which I realised I needed drink to get through! It took me 45 years to realise that and always thought I was the weirdo and changed myself to meet their frequency. But finally got the strength to say no more to their shock as it came from nowhere but I just had enough and couldn't do it anymore and realised what makes me happy is more important. I'm alot happier and life feels more expansive.
And me, I do have a large family of sisters and sadly have to include them in the ones that don't actually want me and make it harder for me to be myself. I have had friends that accept me for me and we've been close for couple of years then they drift off and I feel I'm doing them a favour to back off! I'm pretty much out of friends/sisters now but I will be myself, still love people, but love myself too.
So... You probably realized they were self- centered, materialistic, and shallow? It will take awhile, as you grow, you will attract healthier people. Yay!
I am a 4am friend to a lot of people and now that I am going through a lot, I have realized that most of them are not 4am friends to me. This has me looking for comfort and this video/podcast has definitely helped. Thank you, Mel and fellow commenters. ❤
I feel what you are talking about. Quite sad when one realises this, but also liberating. Once you accept it , I believe you become your own 4 am friend for the better. ❤
I'm in a similar boat where all your friends unload all their troubles onto you, but it's not always reciprocated to allow you to share the same level with them.
Same. I'm the one they can count on. A therapist once explained to me that I needed to make friends similar to me (i.e., strong) rather than choosing friends who may need help. It was eloquently said, but I hope that make sense. She had a point. It changed my life. I now have a few people in my life who I know will be there for me should I ever need them.
I have two rock solid friends (and more💕) who I witnessed their strength and love as the 3 of us tended to our dying friend. I was blown away by their compassion and attention. I KNEW they were awesome women but I’d never experienced that kind of love and commitment. We miss our friend dearly. We stay connected to her husband, 2 grown sons and their families. We enjoy her grandchildren but it’s heartbreaking to know she’s missing out. Maybe , between the 3 of us we can fill that void with them.
I am a 56 year old widowed, empty nester, retired woman and I have a meetup group for people over 50. There are over 225 people in my group and every single one of the members is there because their lives needed something… namely connecting to others. Some are empty nesters. Some are widow/widowers. Some are divorced. I have couples in my group too. The biggest success factor is getting over yourself and finding a way to help others and listen to what others want. To have a friend, you need to be a friend.
@@Eirene628 Plus one... Lots of projection behind that comment indeed! (I don't know what the expectations were behind the comment you responded to but it was one-sidedness, perhaps, presented as the so-called "RIGHT THING" to do, indeed!)
Friendships aren’t about whom you have known the longest, but who pours into you the most, and Vice versa. I have made many close friends over the years, but would have to say the person who prob knows the most out of me, is a friend of 2.5 years, who has been intentional about friendship and created a space that allows me to feel welcomed and vulnerable. That’s my person!
Jealousy is a huge barrier when it comes to adult female friendships. I've had to dim my light in at least 5 female friendships just because each of them became Jealous, envious, and insecure. All at various stages of my life. Once I realized that I should be me and never dim my light, those friendships ended. It's okay, though. But comparison leads to jealousy and hate and bitterness. I refuse to allow that type of energy in my life. Now all I have are acquaintances 😢
I get it. I recently lost a friend that I've had for about 45 years. Can you imagine? When I really pushed the issue of why she has been so distant, it turned out to be jealousy. Sad but I'm getting over it after several months.
Yup, me too. My friend split after 32 years of friendship. I made her part of my family, included her in everything. She kept me at arms length. When her boyfriend was in town, she disappeared. The years go by. She made a lot of stupid financial decisions. I tried to help her out. She rented my suite for 5 years only charging her for utilities, in exchange for going on one holiday per year. I’d pay my half. Out of the blue she said I was trying to “buy” her with the cheap rent, and moved out. I could go on but I’ll leave it there. I hope she’s enjoying her $2000 per month accommodation, rather than the $400 I charged.
I decided to create my own party almost every single day because, suddenly 15 years ago, I realized I'm responsible of making my days happily memorable.
May I ask, what made you realise 15 years ago that you are responsible for making your days memorable? I feel like I know this theoretically deep down but it's harder to put into practise. Appreciate any insight!
People can detect your mistrust of yourself and cue into your alertness to rejection. They then sense that you could be hard work and need a lot of energy. If instead you give energy and are not needing a lot of reassurance, that makes it easier for them. They are scared you're going to turn out to be a high maintenance psycho, basically.
I understand what you mean. I realized when I struggled financially and mentally during covid I found out who were really my friends. People are so tone-deaf and generic in their response to someone having to courage to be vulnerable In admitting they struggle with with their confidence and self esteem. Instead of judging someone or blaming them for not having friends maybe try to validate and empathize with the person. This builds trust and closeness. I understand exactly how you feel. There is no one I can call if I needed to cry, or if I was in an emergency. There are times I have lots of anxiety from staying up all night overthinking about how lonely I am because if poverty and it manifests as physical pain, ended up going to the hospital quite a few times because of it. When the hospital personnel ask if there is anyone I want to name as an emergency contact, I cry a little because there is no one in my contacts that are available. I hate it. I've had nurses hug me after I can't give a contact because they know I'm lonely. Later on when I'm happy and successful one day, I will remember everyone that ignored my calls and texts when I needed them most. Hopefully for their sake I don't buy their apartment or work for the government.🙂
Thank you for sharing that. I went through a phase of chronic loneliness from 2020 to 2022. It was awful. I had been alone for many years prior due to abuse but did not feel lonely. When I did it was so bad, I would cry. As an introvert I never imagined I would be crying because I had no one to talk to and no one who checked on me. Weeks could go by and the only rings on my phone were from Scam Likely. I got into a relationship last year that helped with the loneliness but hurt in other ways. I am not broken up with him for the last week and half and I am in much better space than I was a while back. But I've felt your pain of not having an emergency contact. My boyfriend was mine and before that I would hesitate because I didn't have anyone to put either. @@HagiaFantasia
Another thing - when I was hard up, I had a lot more friends but as soon as I got a good job and my husband started doing well, a lot of people stopped speaking to us. We started hearing the gossip in the village about how we made our money. We literally just passed exams, got qualifications, graduated and got good jobs. Nothing sinister in that. We worked hard but the talk in our village and my family is that ‘my husband got me my job and I wouldn’t be where I am without him’. I mean he works too and we have a joint income but I passed the exams alone and I got my job by myself. It is just jealousy but it hurts that my relationship with them was previously based on the fact that I was poor.
You can say that again. It just happened to me last 2 weeks. All of a sudden I no longer have a friend because of a silly disagreement. Go figure! It means we were not really friends.
I’ve had the same 2 friends for over 25 years. They are my 4 am friends, lol. We’re 3 nurses that used to work together. We talk on a weekly basis, they are like sisters to me. We do camping, hiking, road trips and Caribbean trips together. We are all married with kids and grandkids, but time away from family keeps us sane.
I had this until last August I was invited on a already pre-planned without me trip with 7 week notice. I couldn't make it work and the friend got really mad at me..I am still in shock and I do not hear from her anymore. 🤷♀️
Honestly I vacillate between enjoying being alone and being lonely. I have been betrayed so much by so many people that I don’t know what to think. The lock down made it much worse. People I thought were true “life long” friends are no more. And others whom I’ve tried to reconnect with I find I no longer have anything in common. I guess what makes it so hard is that I’ve lost all my siblings and my only child lives out of state. My spouse and I have absolutely nothing in common since our child moved away.
Before lockdown I was in a women's group of about 6 women that met twice a month and I was in this group for over a year until lockdown ended it. A couple of those women have come in to the shop where I work (separately. They weren't together) and neither one seemed to recognize me or acknowledge me. And I served them. And I was wearing a name badge! Ouch!!!
@@l.5832 I've been treated that way, too. It's childish. I was grateful I got an example of the person's character early on. I don't have patience for childish behavior in adults. I think that's why I don't have friends. It's shocking how many people don't cope well with being a grown up.
Making friends is much easier when you have financial freedom and therefore time to make plans with others who have the same. I know this for a fact. My aunt is rich and has amazing friendships with other rich women. She & her husband have rich couple friendships. They dine, they travel, they plan adventures. Her friendships are real ones to. She can call these folks at 4am, they will pick up. They made friends on a cruise, just before the pandemic. They are all besties now. They call each other. Another example, my bestie from college is rich and married same. They dine, they travel, they make plans with other rich people. Friendships are harder when you are struggling to stay in middle class. No extra time, no extra resources. Sorry, Mel. ❤
I’m in this too. They make plans to go to restaurants and bars- I can’t afford that. I wish I knew people who want to meet at the beach park for a picnic and volleyball 😂
@@LilyGazou I completely disagree with the idea that rich people have more friends. They actually are pretty busy otherwise they wouldn't be rich!! The truth is that relationships take time investment which is a lot more important than money.
I have a few friends but we don't see each other often. Yes, it's good to talk on the phone but I would love to have a friend to hike with, to go for a beer, to go shopping, etc. I do want to leave my home! I am friendly with people (trying to make new friends) but I often don't get the same friendliness reciprocated
I have found that volunteering is the best way to make new friendships. Also, my neighbors sometimes need help (as do I) and have become an important part of my community.
Learned a new term/concept today: flexible friendship! I’m always the nurturing one in relationships and I always check on people and text but I’m never met with the same energy even though I know they love me. I get mad when I text a friend and she texts back 4 days later or always says I’m busy -so now I’m just gonna allow her to be who she is without having to pour the same energy into her.. I pulled back my energy from a lot of people because I’d like reciprocation the same way; but since they cannot I’m just gonna allow room like you said for others to show up in my life and try not let it bother me❤️ thx for the tip
I used to be like that, then I started giving grace and stop expecting. Now, I could care less if people get back to me. Gives me more power over myself.
I have one good friend whom I trust will be there for me. We may go months without a text or phone call, but when we do get together, the friendship is as comfortable as ever. It's nice knowing someone who really knows me!
Yes, those are the best. No guilt tripping or pressure, no "shoulds" or "why didn't you" - no expectations, just mutual respect and understanding. Months can go by and you pick up where you left off.
One of the good things about creating friendships as a more mature person is that because you know yourself very well, so too are you able to instantly recognise a kindred spirit. This can be fantastic!
Friends for a season. Wow! I'm there now. Started a new lifestyle, lost a lot of weight, resolved my type 2 Diabetes and am now for the first time in my life (age 60) lifting weights. I am starting to develop gym friends and online friends who have similar experiences to mine. Fantastic talk!
Friends for different reasons and for different seasons. This was told to me once by a very mentally unstable narcisstic friend who obviously is not a friend anymore. She is right though. It was true when she told me and it's true now.
Sorry for your loss. I know how hard that must be for you. I'm 70 and lost my partner 7 years ago. I still miss him so much. He was also my best friend. We met when we were both working abroad. We were in our late 30's to early 40s when we moved to his country of birth, so he could be close to his elderly parents. We had no children. We hardly ever socialised or had time to make friends as we spent hours commuting back and forth to work. His parents are both dead and he passed away 7 years ago. He was an only child so I am now on my own and don't quite know what to do with myself. I left my country of birth 50 years ago. I feel as much a stranger there as I do here. I tried making friends but it's hard when you are single and retired. I keep as busy as I can, but now and then, the loneliness hits me. I have a few friends although they are definitely not 4 am friends. I even surprised myself by dropping one 'friend' after 5 years as I felt depressed whenever I spent time with her. As much as I wanted friends, I was not prepared to have friends who drained my energy and joie de vivre. I spend my summer months gardening. I exercise and walk 3 miles every day. I paint and DIY. Listen to podcasts and music and read. I am outgoing and sociable when the opportunity presents itself, but I now find that I would rather be alone than be with the wrong friends. Do get out and don't give up. There are people out there looking for a friend too. Take care.
In the past, my friendships were created from circumstances, like work friends and parent-type friendships. Great friendships, but they were there to fill that spot. I enjoyed them. We had a blast. but I'm older now. Friendships at this point is just about learning to just sit back and enjoy the women I meet. I'm not motivated to have anything other than that, but if a friendship becomes a sisterhood, then I will count that as a blessing! Thanks Mel, my friend!!!
I think some of the reasons why it’s hard to make friends as an adult is because we tend to get rigid and set in our ways and our views the older we get, not to mention we carry more pain, become less energetic and less willing or able to have shared experiences and shared play. That’s what I’ve observed in my life and in the lives of others.
there is a lot of truth to what you say,..friends/ relationships of any kind take time and effort, very busy people like myself find it very difficult to have time for all the socializing. very tough to deal with this,.
my issue is mainly being the one to invite someone out & make plans, and it always feels one sided.. it’s so discouraging because it makes me think wow maybe my friends don’t actually like me. a sad feeling actually..
I am the other side of the coin. I assume I will get rejected so I don't invite....cause it seems to happen. But you are right. Good relationships are reciprocal.
I have no need to fit in anywhere or with anyone. Don't seek validation from anyone or anything. Just be and enjoy the blessings and challenges of life. Done
I cleaned out dead weight, toxic relationships several years ago, then COVID hit. I spent well over 2 years not leaving my house. Most of my friends were attached (and I’m single), or lived in other cities. So, rarely got out. On top of this, got dating fatigue as the men I was meeting online were only seeking hooks ups and nothing more deep and meaningful. I have started going out with women I’ve met on Bumble BFF. It took a lot of dead-end connections to get there, but I now have a few new friends who resonate with my personality.
I’ve learned that some people have a twisted concept of friendship and even weaponize it. Especially within people containing narcissistic traits. I spend a lot of my free time alone now…and mostly enjoy it that way
My friend from kindergarten, we are almost 76, just spent three days with me, at my house, and had fun. We see each other about every 6 weeks now but lost contact for years doing our own things, raising kids, moving etc. she is precious to me. Our birthdays are a day apart. Realize our moms were in the same hospital at the same time.
I came of FB because so many people was putting up their holiday photos, meals out, doing everything... It affected my mental health... And I was the one reaching out to friends but it felt like I was invisible.... Create your own life, I'm happy now, I have a couple of good friends who I text and they actually reply and respond to me....lots don't, even family... Be happy doing things you want to do and whatt you are interested in....thank you as always 💖💖
I would talk to my Mom at 4am, lol. She wasn’t the best Mom but she meant well and tried her hardest when she was aware of an issue. All my other 4 am freinds are in heaven with her. For those who have such folks around, know you are blessed. I was blessed for 30 years.
Many years ago I met a girl that seemed to have many, many friends.. She seemed very likable and happy all the time. Her name is Robin. When I asked her what her secret was she said “You have to constantly put yourself out there and lead the way. Be nice to others and always focus on the positive”. She made it look easy but when people that were jealous of her or tried to hurt her she never retaliated or gossiped. Her mother was the same way. After knowing her and another girl that was the same way for decades now I learned that friendship is born out of how you treat others. Today I reach out to others all the time and find that people in general are very much like Mel says in this video. So, you have to be the one that always reaches out first instead of waiting for others to act if you don’t want to be lonely ❤❤❤
this works for women but not men. Women actually care to have friends and are able to and wililng to have deep conversations, whereas men are just scared of it
@@AverageAngelYeah I feel bad for my husband. He keeps his male friendships for fun, but raw emotional stuff for me. Men deserve to connect with each other deeply too!
“Best friends aren’t always forever” hit me hard. I had a best friend kindergarten through right after college. Somehow we’ve grown apart (although I’ve made many efforts to stay in touch) so I’ve had to just let her go and wish her all the best. Same with my ex fiancé, we were best friends for 4 years while together so when we broke up we broke off a relationship and friendship. I’m thankful for who I have now, but I’m going to work on getting out more and cultivating more friendships.
This is almost my situation verbatim. Hadn't seen them in years (ex fiance & ex BFF). Oddly enough, the old BFF popped up over the holidays and turns out they all remained friends after my disappearance from the fold. Life has a weird way of bringing folks back. Not sure I ever want see the ex again, but seeing my old bestie was nice. You'll definitely run into her again in this lifetime when you least expect it (I'm in VA, she's in TX. Us coming back together wasn't a coincidence) it was meant to happen to close the door on the past. But just know that it's OK if that same old spark in the friendship isn't there. The split happened for a reason too.
Absolutley, and I thought oh it's Mel I thought why? BUT I CANT STOP LISTENING AND EVERONE OF THEM IS SO GOOD,NO THERAPIST IVE EVER BEEN TOO I. THE LAST 21 YEARS OF MY LIFE AND MANY MORE BEFORE EVER DESCRIBE THINGS THE WAY YOU DO
I stopped going on social networks. It was an actual addiction. I was so sucked into it that I didn't think I could function if I didn't tune into Facebook. One day I thought to myself, what I doing? This addiction is taking me away from my family and true friends and things that really needed to be done around my house. I cut it out of my life cold turkey and never went back to it. I felt like I missed 12 years of my life.
I was a people pleaser for most of my life. I thought I was an extrovert but I'm an introvert & I love it. People complicate my peace of mind. I have three dogs & a husband & it's enough. I enjoy the occasional text from friends but don't just drop by unannounced & expect to be entertained!
I feel the same way about unannounced visits. At the same time feel guilty and humbled people want to be around me. They don’t care that I’m not prepared to entertain them. My/our presence is enough. It’s me being hard on myself. 😅
I feel the same too . I have a family 3 dogs and recently lost one of my Siamese cats. So I have one cat people call me later problems on me. I have recently stop them from just stopping over taking what they want from me get a free listening session and then when I need somebody there is no one around. There has to be an even exchange of energy and I’m finding that unless I play their game and listen to their drama and their opinions on how my life should be as exhausting and making me second-guess everything I think. They’re not my friends they’re bored and they want me to entertain them. they’re having issues and they want me to counsel them. I am not a doctor. I am not a psychiatrist. I’m not a psychologist. I’m just a nice person and all I do is get taken advantage by everyone that calls me friend.
I remember in school spending at least an hour with my best friend on the phone, and being accused of 'tying up the line'! In later years I'd phone my elderly Dad daily and talk for about an hour. He passed away and how I cherish those conversations! I tried to do the same with my Mom but she did not want to and had no interest in me.
@@l.5832 Coincidentally, my Mother never engages me on the phone either and cannot get me off the phone quick enough. Says she has nothing to say to me (always talks over me anyway).
Gosh...same now that you point that out. The boomers...they did know how to stay connected in a way this generation doesn't. More of a sense of family and community. Our families are smaller now too. When I was a kid, we constantly had aunts and uncles, cousins visiting. Now? I had one son, my sister had one daughter and we live at opposite ends of the country. Fortunately in our adult years, my cousin and I got closer, even though she is not in the immediate area. But she has no kids. Things are much quieter.
@@l.5832 Oh yeah...at school all day together and then hours on the phone after school lol. Now, this friend reached out after years of not seeing or talking and I was really excited thinking we were going to reconnect...then she kept bailing on me when we tried to plan a visit. Never did see her again. For me it was my mom I loved to talk to. She passed in 2020. I get along with my dad but really nothing to talk about. I love my dad and miss my mom terribly.
I Love this! Thank you, Mel. I started making homemade soups this year and having 'It's Just Soup' dinner parties. I was tired of telling my friends we'd get together and it Never happened. I thought I'd have to make a huge meal and spend a bunch of money and time, and it'd be too much work. One day after I made a big pot of soup I thought maybe my recently widowed neighbor would enjoy coming over for soup. I made soup before work, sent a text to my neighbor and she answered right away that she'd love to join us. It was just me, my partner, and my lovely neighbor. We had soup, bread, wine, and had a delightful evening. Since that day I've had more friends over, but always keep it soup and simple.
I had two life-long 4AM friends. Both friendships ended in the couple of years. Now I have no friends. It was both sad and at the same time a relief when they were done. Rebuilding sucks.
People get married, work, and have a family. That in itself is exhausting limiting time for friendships. Also with the advent of social media people don’t go out and talk with their neighbors anymore making it even harder to make friends.
When I was younger, lots and lots of friends. As an older adult now, I really keep my circle close but consider others friendly acquaintances. I don't live near any of my close friends. So, long distance at times can be tricky. With friendship there has to be effort on both people, and a lot of grace.
So true and ironic . The people I get along with the best also don’t want to leave their house . I was at a Thanksgiving party and asked me if I just moved to this town. And I said “no I’ve lived here for four years“ she said why haven’t we met before“ and I said “because I don’t leave the house.”
The timing of this podcast is spot on. I’ve been feeling awful about an outgrown, un-genuine‘friendship’. New perspective: it’s ok and even good to outgrow a friendship- it means I am growing and making room for new friendships to come in that match my current energy and station in life
Mel, once again, you've saved me a lot of money paying for therapy. This one really hit me... in this very moment, this season, this new year... this message is literally exactly what I needed. You really touched me when you were emotional, this is why I love you so... you're real and open. This last year, I just started feeling really lonely, depressed, thinking everyone is at a party and I'm home alone. I kept rehashing and obsessing all the friends I don't speak to anymore... and going over and over all things I said and did that made us fall apart. I'm too fat, Im too single, I don't have kids, I'm too talkative, too opinionated, too... you know what? I just now focused on what I do offer, what I really am: I've always been the friend that's been there for my friends. Unconditionally. I'm fun! I'm interesting. I am open-minded and sensitive. I put a lot of effort to look good, exercise and take care of myself. I have a great job I love and a great family, I'm a fricking peach! I will find the people who love peaches 💜
I always tell myself that everyone already has their friends. My one and only best friend of 15 years was killed in a car wreck and I just feel like she could never be replaced and I feel lucky to have had her in my my life. But now that my kids are teenagers and do their own thing.. I do find myself being pretty lonely
Friendship is over-rated! And you are so right! Great video! I'm 59, 60 in July. I had a " best friend" for 29 years until I learned about boundaries and being disrespected...I saw all the signs and tried to walk away but she didn't notice until I posted something she thought was about her. Guilty conscious, I'm sure. Walked away and have not looked back...she lost, not me!
You get wiser as you get older. You learn who to trust and who you are and what you want. There are very few people who won’t disappoint you on a regular basis so you get very careful. I don’t care if anyone likes me unless I really like them and they aren’t interested. I’m more interested in whether I like someone or not. Don’t care, otherwise.
Thank you for being so relatable! “People don’t like me / are mad at me” is a big one for me. It’s made people mad before! Obviously those are not my people. I found my tribe & it’s small but mighty. ❤
Hi Mel, u are absolutely amazing. I’m 56 and a survivor of an narcissist abusive relationship, which left me with no friends at all. It’s been 6 years since I managed to escape the toxic relationship and only recently I’ve got my shit together and started to reach out to find new social encounters friends. With my outgoing sometimes over sharing hyper ADHD personality its not only an easy task to find people. But I’m getting there. Thanks so much for Ure empowerment. This is the first podcast I’ve watched of you. Lots of love from Switzerland
FACT! Being worked over by a narcissist makes making friends hard. But the fact is, there are not a lot of trustworthy people in the world. I used to think you could trust most people... then I had hard times, and I found out that most of my really close, dear friends ... weren't.
When I moved I discounted the importance of decades of having circles and circles of friends, colleagues, former classmates and acquaintances. And then you make friends, primarily because of having children and befriending the parents of their friends, but there's still a void because its just not replaceable.
What I found was that I would think about my friends and then talk myself out of calling or texting them. I have been forcing myself out of my comfort zone and meeting with family or friends at least once a week. One friend even said she needed the time we spent together and set up another date before we left. My social anxiety is resolving, turns out when you are creating a tribe of ppl who mutually enjoy each other, it doesn't feel forced or stressful or anxious. Don't force relationships, start connecting with like-minded individuals. Turns out we are all thinking the same thing, someone has to create the connection. I realized I was the problem, ppl stopped asking me out because I always said No.
I talk myself out of calling people all the time so this comment hit home. I like what you are doing here. Edit: I think about people all the time. I still hold them in my heart.
@@catpaladin1 You 🤔 think about others but THEY don't feel your thoughts. Me too and I'm 😞 sorry. It's mostly in my past now. Now I use the telephone everyday. It's not for wating our precious time either. We accomplish something daily as we want to. Yeah ! GRATITUED EXPRESSED is just that, words. That's hurtful when you can do more and you don't try.
I'm living alone in a foreign country and feeling sad, and so I decided to randomly pull up a Mel Robbins video because she always raises my vibrational level and makes me happy. This video uploaded, and this message is perfect. Thank You Mel Robbins! You're cool as xoxo!
I recently let go of a friendship that was no longer serving me, and I should have done it sooner. I didn’t because of time invested, but when I got honest with myself- I realized we no longer have much in common, I was the only one giving, and every interaction left me feeling hurt, angry, or depleted. It was a hard decision, but the right one and I know that it was right because I feel so much better for it now. I finally gave up pressuring myself to make it work. What sealed the deal was they made it about them when I finally spoke up. Personal growth is good. I’ve put in the time and realized that my time left outside of work, and being a wife and mom is so short, so I want to invest it only in people who do not suck the life out of me. Many thanks to Mel and my therapist for helping me fix my mindset and empowering me to make the call ❤
I could make friends easily if I wanted to follow the herd. I don't party and I despise superficial, shallow gossip. My priorities are completely different from other people my age and I'm old enough to know friends come and go. I can't tolerate liars, braggarts and people that spend more time talking about others behind their backs, rather than people that can actually be comfortable with who they are and can actually have a REAL conversation and personality. I guess I'm already a grouchy old lady at the age of 44 lol, but I'd rather be a loser, without a DUI, drug addiction and drama from situationships.
I'd definitely talk shit about you to others you sound like an arrogant self righteous loser that judges others for their shortcomings and how they like to have fun not to mention you get butthurt over people gossiping but yet you just shit on addicts and people with dui's. You're not better than anyone
I'd definitely talk shit about you to others you sound like an arrogant self righteous loser that judges others for their shortcomings and how they like to have fun not to mention you get butthurt over people gossiping but yet you just shit on addicts and people with dui's. You're not better than anyone
Mel what you mentioned about lie no. 2 is trauma response. It is normal. I go through the same exact thing. My mom would shut me down and never allowed to express myself. EVER. This is why we believe the lie that people don't like us 😑
Could be PTSD from parents who were themselves tramatised as children. What's the answer? Living in a clan-ish group for a greater chance of getting social nurishment from some extended source in addition to social insurance. With all that I'd miss I think I'd miss independence and privacy more, but then I don't know what I'm missing.
Thanks so much Mel for this episode. I am going through a major change in a friendship now. When you said you need friends who support your growth, that hit me. Sometimes the friend is not able to support growth because ( of course i can't really speak for them) they may be changing , growing in a different way and cant relate to yours anymore. I just went through a year of wonderful therapy and now i am much more in touch with my emotions, which seems to have actually put more distance between me and my friend, because expressing feelings at a deep level is not her way of being. This chasm between us makes me sad, but your video helps me realize that i am not the only one going through this, and that it is part of life and relationships.
I really needed to hear this. So thank you. One of my oldest friends just dropped me. We had been friends for 15 years. Even with a job transfer and moving to another state we were in constant contact. I was there to support her through her cancer fight and divorce. Eventually she beat cancer and met a new man. She got remarried and started a new job. I knew she was busy and I wasn't expecting us to speak daily but suddenly she went radio silence. She was not returning phone calls or text. A month went by and nothing. I even left her a message asking if I had done something to upset her. Her response weeks later was " I know I am being a bad friend not answering you. You haven't done anything wrong. I just feel like you don't fit in my new life. I have changed so much and you're still the same person". I didn't respond because what was the point.
Wow. That hit me hard. Reminded me of when I was a little girl. My friend came over to play and then said - “I’m going now. My REAL friend is coming over now. “
@@LilyGazou Wow that is so tough. I think we have all had that kind of moment in life that we never forget. I'm sure you made better friends over the years!
That story sounds fishy. Reach out to ur ex friend now and then just to make sure she’s ok. She’s remarried, she may have married a controlling, abusive husband who has pulled her away from her best friends/family.
I moved to USA 8 years ago. And I don’t have any friends to hangout with. I am not talking even about share my problems with someone. I am talking about to share the happy moments and have fun and do stuff together. I am not even dream about a 4am friend, seems impossible. Friends from back home a falling out for understandable reason. And new… I think gave up already.
