Fecking everyone is an empath and can pick up on feelings and how people are feeling without them saying a word. It's not some special thing. Everyone can do it. Women who claim this just want excuses for bad behavior.
@@billbombshiggy9254 nah there's plenty of people who legitimately can't pick up on others' emotions, even if we exclude neurodivergent peeps like certain types of autistics. besides, there's like three(?) types of empathy, so even if the vast majority of humans are empaths - different people process the same interaction uniquely, which leads to the same trait manifesting differently in different people
Any type of trauma or mental illness isn’t your fault, but it IS your responsibility. Especially if it starts causing hurt toward others who are completely innocent. Hope she got help.
she already is in therapy form her texts... so I guess she needs a lot more help but what else could help her if therapy isnt working to a degree where she isnt a threat to herself and her surroundings. its really sad, but man, that guy is in danger i feel like.
@@jokabox93 could be she needs to change therapists too. Sometimes that’s the situation when therapy isn’t working as intended. Hopefully there are people in her life that can make her aware that whatever she’s doing isn’t working and a change needs to happen to improve her quality of life and those she interacts with
Yep. This is a mental illness so it’s more difficult to cope with than a lot of problems, but this woman is clearly a person who needs to work on herself more before trying to commit to a relationship.
Just because she's in therapy doesn't mean she's actually listening to the therapist. She has this victim mentality which is nothing a therapist can do. Therapists can only give you tools and ideas to help you. They cannot force your hand or implant a willpower chip. You have to help yourself FIRST. Take it from someone who took therapy for depression.@@jokabox93
The minute she got angry over a good morning text, would've been the last text I ever sent to her, because that's just a great indicator of future problems.
I was thinking the same thing. Even if this dude had sent her the good morning text to her liking, I can imagine something similar would’ve happened anyway down the line. Probably really soon after this situation too.
The real red flag was the day before, that was the indication of a delayed fuse. Somone who goes all-in like that for a couple hours of texting is not normal. Not normal is fine by itself, but here you're risking obsessive and volatile.
Person with BPD here. Even though she says she's in therapy the way she's acting is a untreated form of bpd. I'm 30 now and have been in courses, groups, intensive treatment and therapy for the disorder since I was 21/22, helps that I'm a nerd that loves learning and doing homeworklol, anyway I actually find it hard to be around certain others with bpd now since getting help. We have what we call 'filters' and you do a test to find out what the most prominent filters are. Mine were self hatred and abandonment filter. Where my friend marked up the most with the entitlement filter. This girl seems like she would probably be abandonment and entitlement filter (theres others too but here just a couple examples). The entitlement filter is one of the hardest to deal with in my eyes. Because they constantly feel like the world owes them everything and they act like they are so hard done by (which obviously having this disorder is hard but they do it to a extreme), like the word 'no' is a hate crime. The child like tantrums ect. It drives me nuts. Again as having bpd myself I understand the struggle of dealing with it but that doesn't mean it's not totally unbearable lol. I've really progressed with my abandonment filter, especially since i was litterally abandoned by a partner while i was fighting for my life in hospital and I didn't even flinch, yay growth! Haha but the self hatred is the one i still struggle with. I'm now in a place where I probably could have a partner as I've learnt to communicate and manage my feelings but you have to be self aware enough to realise when you're not. Which takes us back to that entitlement filter "oh someone should just deal with my constant bullshit all the time and still love me, i deserve it!". Um no, you have to compromise and do better for yourself so you can do better in your relationships.
I don’t have BPD (that I know of anyway), but I used to have hella abandonment issues - perhaps because my family abandoned me. I would get extremely attached to new people and cry and scream because I thought they decided to ghost me.
Being 'in therapy' doesn't necessarily mean you are actually treating your disorder. You may be in therapy out of peer pressure or feeling obligated to without actually being interested in treatment of any kind.
I hate when people say oh I’m in therapy. Like just showing up to a building or getting on a zoom call instantly cures them or that it makes their insane behavior ok
Right. As someone with it too, I realized a long time ago I was the problem and I just wanted to be better for the people I loved and for myself. A disorder is not an excuse for terrible behavior. Like at first I saw myself in the messages because I like giving lots of affection to my favorite person but then I saw the rest and it was just downhill. It makes me sad because people start thinking everyone with bpd is like this, like you said, this is untreated. Anyways I'm proud of you, it's not easy, but I hope you're also getting out there and feeling better. Every day is a struggle but you're doing amazing 🤍
it's really refreshing to see someone online be this sympathetic towards people with BPD whenever i see it mentioned it's quickly followed by others saying that people with BPD are horrible manipulative monsters, so it was really good to see Charlie talk about it with kindness towards the disorder, while still making it VERY CLEAR that this woman is in no way ready for any kind of romantic relationship
Yeah, it really sucks that people have so much hate towards others with mental illness. I have had to deal with that all my life. I agree that it was good to see a RU-vidr address the disorder with a high level of class and taking both sides. Not many people do that. If you ever notice in TV shows or movies, characters that have BPD are almost always the villain. We've definitely got the short-end of the stick.
....Or perhaps you just choose to see the negative responses and ignore the positive ones? Because I've never seen a mental health situation where the majority of people weren't sympathetic.
@kevingriffith677 Yeah, I am somehow telepathically capable of only ever clicking videos or posts that contain shitty comments! Professor Xavier will for sure give me a call soon to invite me to his school for super cool people. There's a whole subreddit dedicated to people who are very vitriolic towards anyone with BPD. Any time someone with BPD is portrayed in media, they're always hurting someone else in some way. So many people online make shitty comments about others BPD, calling anyone with th disorder a bad toxic person. I literally said "whenever I see it mentioned". I'm literally talking about my personal experience. It was only last week that I saw people defending people with BPD on Twitter after a user made a horrible thread about it. I'm not focusing only on the bad comments. It is very rare for me to see many sympathy for people with BPD. I'm talking about my personal experience.
A lot of people who have very strong emotions/feelings confuse it with being high in empathy or being an “empath”. Yes, many people who are emotional/sensitive are also high in empathy, but they are COMPLETELY different things. This woman here completely lacked any kind of empathy even though she clearly had feelings in spades.
@@spookykiwi70 I believe some people genuinely are empaths. But this woman clearly has emotions so extreme that make her act and think so irrationally that it tips over from just being very sensitive into a personality disorder. Just highly sensitive people/empaths wouldn’t behave like she does
TBH I disagree with the idea that just because she has a mental illness she can't at all be blamed for her extremely toxic actions. I have had struggles with mental illness my whole life, and one of the first things I learned is you need that self-reflection. Just because I am feeling bad, disassociating, overthinking, etc. it doesn't ever give me an excuse to treat other people like trash. You need to hold yourself to a higher standard, otherwise how do you expect to ever get better? Being coddled and given an excuse for poor behavior every time will never allow for growth.
@Billy-rc7xg First of all, you don't really know what kind of mental illness I have, I've had to work extremely hard to get to the point where I'm at, with only as you say -mild- depression and anxiety. But I didn't get here by being constantly excused for my poor behavior socially. I'm not, nor did I say that somebody with severe mental illness has to act 'normal' all the time, or be perfect. It's a long climb but you have to put in the effort every second to take a step back and look at yourself and the way you act. I'm saying that no growth is ever going to happen if you don't recognize your own toxic behaviors, which you will never do if people go "it's all good!" every time you act toxic asf. I'm not saying hate is right, but you absolutely have a right to be upset with me if I'm being abusive. I totally agree that people are not obligated to hang out with you if your mental illness causes you to be abusive, my entire point literally is that keeping you around and excusing your behavior constantly isn't beneficial for either party.
Yep. I’m mentally ill and am not feeling too good a lot of the time but I don’t do crazy shit as a result. Respect to you and everyone else actually trying to make progress.
i have bipolar disorder, iam in therapy since 6 years now and i totally agree to that. if we dont reflect ourselfs, toward therapy and surely all our life, we would all end up like this. That people confronted me with my behavior changed my view and made me go to therapy. Its our responsibility to cause as little harm as possible to our loved ones and ourselves. We need to keep an eye on us, there is no one other to blame here.
As someone who's dated people with BPD this guy handled it so well, I for my part got gaslit so many times that it had negative effects on my own mental health. That man is a good example on how to handle and interact with others
@kiwo579 it seems like you've misunderstood his/her comment. He's/she's not saying EI is the same spectrum as spiritual concepts. He's/she's saying that if you have an internal problem and need therapy to fix it might as well not get yourself into a relationship cuz wheter you admit it or not we often tend to reflect those problems and emotional conflicts we have with ourselves to others specially our partner.
Mental illness is actually terrifying. My uncle went out with a girl in his twenties. They went out on two dates and then he didn't call her for two or three days because he was very busy with work. Forth night, he woke up to her standing over his bed, sobbing, and holding a kitchen knife. Somehow he was able to talk her down and ended up driving her back to her mothers house who apologized to him and said she was mentally ill. He said that he really liked her and that she seemed completely normal on their two dates. 100% true story. Very scary stuff
Its not any different than the nice guys in my opinion, throwing out the fact that she has BPD doesn’t make it ok. The guys that act like this are likely in the same emotional head space as this woman. I’m surprised he even texted her the next day because the day 1 texts were quite creepy. I guess guys have a higher tolerance for what is creepy behaviour.
THe minute she got angry over a Good Morning text, would've been the last text I ever sent to her, because that's just a great indicator of future problems.
Honestly the whole “you’re perfect for me” rant at the beginning was the red flag that should have caused him to cut her off right then and there. Anyone who thinks that someone they’ve barely talked to is their soulmate or whatever is obviously not right in the head.
@@hobojoe9717 I have dealt with ladies like this when I had a tinder profile they come on wayyyy over the top it seems kind of cool at first then they just completely flip if you aren't playing 4d chess texting exactly when they want I just become Casper the now not friendly ghost and disappear they can send all the messages they want shit is crazy!
Yep. I was in a relationship with someone who had BPD. This happened daily. Unless you can literally see into the future you will not be able to make someone with BPD happy. One wrong word (or even the absence of a word), calling or texting a minute too late (or too early), wearing the wrong clothes, ordering the wrong thing at a restaurant, literally anything can, and will eventually be, interrupted as “I don’t love you”
This is so stigmatizing. People with bpd are capable of having relationships as long as they are taking the initiative to do better. I don’t condone being awful to your partner, that is never okay. However, not every person with bpd will act like this.
I agree with you and I’m sorry if that came across as “no one can change” but that is assuming that everyone with BPD is doing their best to rise above their disorder. Unfortunately BPD tends to make a person believe that they are always right, and therefore it’s not them who needs to change but everyone else. In my situation my partner refused to get any sort of help which led to the unfortunate end of the relationship. Of course that is not always how it goes and I think that anyone who truly wants to overcome any mental disorder can do so with enough determination and support.
@@Datadog-1 You must not be all that familiar with the disorder because all BPD makes you believe is that every relationship is doomed to fall apart and that no one cares because you suck. I've never met a single person with BPD that believed they were "always right". Sounds like you've being dealing with narcissists.
I struggle with BPD and I promise it's not always like this. Mental illness is never an excuse to treat people like hell. That "I'm an empath" is so bs too, this guy genuinely seems nice and I hope he finds a nice healthy relationship that treats him well.
it is like this very often though. the consenus also is that BPD isn't really curable (yet manageable through therapy) due to the need for radical restructuring of the foundations of the respective individual's personality, which people with BPD are naturally (and understandably so) fearful of, as well as the extremely long time required for such changes, possibly surpassing their remaining lifetime.
I have BPD and the second it was mentioned my heart dropped. I'm so used to hearing BPD painted in a negative light that I was so scared that one of my favorite content creators may be about to spew some ridiculous ableist bs. Thanks so much for showing compassion, Charlie, even to someone so far from the finish-line on their road to recovery. It genuinely means the world. 💞
I really hate that phrase of "ableist"... I don't know why, but to me it just sounds like such a politically charged thing, or something that at least has a hateful connotation applied to it as in "a shield being used as a sword" type of way. I've seen far too many situations where people will be just simply saying that "People with mental health issues need to take accountability for their actions even despite the mental health", and then you'll have people just spam them saying that they're ableist and shit like that, so because I've seen situations like that far too many times, that word just leaves a bad taste in the mouth
I changed it to these texts instead of this crazy lady because I hadn’t yet got the the point when we find out she has bpd. Having a personality disorder doesn’t make you crazy and I thought she was just one of the nice girls. Now that I watched the whole video I felt bad and decided to change my comment to prevent potentially upsetting someone with bpd. Sorry about that ❤
kinda crazy how if the roles were reversed and the guy was the one talkin like that he would instantly be labelled a creep and the girl just wouldnt reply.
I mean it makes sense tho because men make those types of comments way more often and also often times with bad intent. That’s just the truth of it sadly
@@cry-piddawg we’re not. When it’s a dude they are insulted way more for their character and being a terrible person, when it’s a girl they just “need help” need to go to therapy and stop being crazy
Thank you SO much for showing this video on how to handle a situation like this. Like this really helps a lot in understanding what's acceptable social behavior. i hope you make more videos of this. thank you.
I thought maybe it did too because I was just listening to the video in the background, I came over and rewound a few seconds to check the actual text lol
I have woken up to plenty of messages like that. As soon as i saw the message that she replied with the next day, i knew it was bpd. The hardest part is trying to tell someone not to trust their emotions. We all have to keep our emotions in check with reality but they instantly say think that you're gaslighting them or think that youre a narcissist because you don't care about their feelings.
@@xlifexwithxlithiumx If you're aware you're like this, aware it's wrong and horrible, and still have the attitude of "that's just what it is" then you are a horrible person and should be avoided at all costs, absolutely NO ONE with a severe mental illness that affects other people so negatively should have that attitude towards it, and they certainly shouldn't be seeking relationships with other people when they know how vile of a person they are, it's purely selfishness and makes that person an objectively bad person at that stage regardless of the mental illness. It's not "hard for you to keep relationships" you are the reason the relationships go badly. You shouldn't be accepted as you are, you can and should work tirelessly to not be that person. BPD is treatable, there is no excuse to be harmful to others
@@xlifexwithxlithiumxIf your using a mental illness for bad behavior youve recognized then relationships at the time aren't something you should seek out
@@xlifexwithxlithiumxyou're aware of the problem. You've identified it. You cant keep using it as an excuse. Be upfront about your mental health, nobody deserves to step on a mine like that
crazy that she dropped the “i’m an empath” line when she clearly is incapable of putting herself in his shoes and understanding that her behavior towards him was cruel and weird
The thing with BPD is that you're so emotionally "weak" that you end up to only be able to see your version of the story. It's shitty but that's what BPD does
@pecc9678 There's other thing around BPD but that's a huge part of it. Ik I'm in this shitty disorder but like every disorder each person has a deferent (reaction?) to it. Still BDP is mostly related to unstable emotion related to emotion and bad Self-perception which end up that the BPD person is only able to see/fell his/her emotion at the time.
I have bpd and I instantly just let out a pained "oooo" when it was mentioned. We can love more than anything, but when gone unchecked and uncontrolled it can be ROUGH to deal with. We deserve love just as anyone, but we are SENSITIVE, we must learn how to manage that in order to succeed in any relationship
Yes BPD is tough as hell but it looks like she is essentially diving head first into the most toxic parts of BPD which is essentially sudden obsessive erratic behaviour and impulses, and of course attaching on to a favourite person. She is quite literally looking for a 'favourite person' to latch onto, not looking for love. If you don't know what a BPD favourite person then I recommend looking into it. Anyway, I really hope they work on this in therapy...
Exactly, that's not off to a good start. You know NOTHING about the other person. That's how you end up with a guaranteed mess of a relationship, you don't know anything about the other person's life and are fitting them into your life based on looks alone.
When someone say’s that they’re something there compensating for something, normal people don’t need to label themselves or need to, actions speak louder then words
She was right abt one thing. That guy has something special to him. He’s genuinely the king of communication and someone we should all look upto in that realm.
It just showed up without asking nothing Charlie could’ve done better there. In fact, that fart was being a little more rude than the crazy obsessed lady in the video really.
I had a best friend with BPD. It was a nightmare. She saw a psychologist sort of regularly, but refused to actually work on herself consistently enough to see changes. I became her emotional punching bag daily, and it just became too much. When I tried to defend myself for being a normal human being and not actively trying to sabotage her, I was the bad guy. I always got the responses “You think I want to be this way? No!” and nothing would be resolved or changed. She was allowed to treat me however she wanted because of her BPD. I was supposed to endure it. Any boundaries I set, she disrespected them. It finally came to a head when I stood my ground and I pointed out all the hypocrisy in our relationship. Apparently that made me the toxic one and she bailed. Nothing like being emotionally abused and being told it was my fault lol
I’m a long time lurker of this channel and I just wanna say… thank you for being so respectful and understanding of BPD. I have it myself (the quiet version) and I do understand this woman to an extent. I too quickly fall in love with people and build a whole life with them in my head before we even know that much about each other (both romantic and platonic). And then I have meltdowns when they do ANYTHING I perceive to be negative (like using certain words, change of tone, facial expressions, etc). You’re truly goated, Charlie. 😄
I appreciate people like you too who are able to accept their BPD honestly and willing to address it. I met someone who I am desperately trying to convince that if she doesn't get treatment and address her mental issues, a healthy relationship will not be possible, especially since I've struggled with mental illness myself and fear she is pulling me back into dysfunction again
i always find it funny when people say that during a breakup. Like, good? I wouldn't want to be with someone who is like you, because it clearly isn't working out
8:40 "she then also explains she goes to therapy for her borderline personality disorder" I WAS LITERALLY THINKING SHE MUST HAVE BPD, WITH THE WAY SHE WENT FROM MADLY IN LOVE FOR NO REASON TO HATEFUL AND DEPRESSIVE OUT OF NOWHERE
I feel so bad for him, he seems like such a great guy and he had to have an experience like that. I hope he finds someone who deserves and appreciates him
Thank you for being so understanding of people with bpd! We get demonised a lot and we dont all act like this. I was so happy to hear you being understanding and supportive
I love you so much bro. Thank you for sharing your understanding for this struggle that many have to deal with. With you being a content creator that SO MANY PEOPLE watch and enjoy. Hearing this from someone who has it and struggles really brings a lot of reassurance and helps us that little bit more. I always had respect for you but now my respect has increased even more. Thank you so much bro
as someone with BPD, I really appreciate the kind words and understanding Charlie. I see a lot of my past self in this person, I hope she realizes it's not okay whatsoever to treat someone this way, even if you have a disorder. The guy was a very nice and patient person, didn't even insult her back.
Yeah I love how compassionate he is and how nice the guy is talking to her. She needs a lot of therapy and I really hope she manages to get better. I was misdiagnosed with BPD (I actually have autism and ADHD and it’s super common for women with both to be misdiagnosed) and I met a lot of people with it. I saw how much they struggled with dating and it honestly sucks. Props to this guy for being so respectful even when letting her know they weren’t right for each other.
The sheer amount of people who would go head over heels (in a healthy distanced sense) for the texts he's sent, I just. Man, he was so honest and treaded this situation so reasonably, I cannot believe it was somehow misconstrued even a little bit. I hope that guy knows he's an absolute gem, and I wish him the best
I sensed a lot of fear coming from his texts because he doesn't have many options. He was still holding out hope that he could salvage the situation while most normal guys would have either ignored her or told her to stop texting them. He's a weak weasel, as they say.
I have bpd and it is SO easy to fall into this distructive and hurtful spiraling behavior. Mental illness is tricky, but it's unfair to push it onto other people. It takes SO much work to be able to stabilize yourself when you're spiraling like this without taking it out on others.
seriously what more do you need than matching with someone 3 times in one night in a random queue? i’m a straight dude and so much serendipity in the room would’ve have me questioning! 😂
My ex-wife identified as an ‘empath’ and also had bi-polar (self diagnosed though…) Most disastrous and horrific 7 years of my life. I’m still facing repercussions 3 years later. I’m not criticising people who have BPD but she had 0 intentions of helping herself, 0 insight, no self reflection. She just continued to ruin everyone’s lives around her. I was made fully responsible for her happiness and she had no cares about mine. I even started to suspect that she made up her mental illness as an excuse for her sociopathic, despicable and destructive behaviour. Stay safe homies
I have BPD and im not gonna lie, a lot of my old conversations used to go like this ALOT. Lost a ton of friendships and relationships because of it. Ive been able to go to therapy and establish healthy friendships now. BPD Shouldn't be an excuse for her, especially that she's proven to have access to therapy. All in all I feel for the guy and the girl, hoping she can get better and hoping this doesnt effect the guy too much.
Well BPD isn't something that switches like a light switch, it takes weeks for the mind to change with BPD. That girl is just a narcissist who views herself above others, she literally wants this stranger to stop his life and make her his main priority... if that ain't narcissistic idk what is lol
@@radchum no not wrong, I’ve studied psychology for the past 4 years of my life. Not tryna be a know it but I literally go to school to study this type of stuff
This is EXACTLY how me and my ex started. We'd been speaking for two days and she was confessing her undying love, weirded me out a little but I thought "oh, she's just intense with her feelings" and tried to relax the onslaught. It turned into the most controlling abusive relationship. With these people, nothing is ever enough and you're always out for something other than them. I don't wanna throw too much shade at her, I understand we don't wanna be hurt and people process that fear differently. But sometimes, you just gotta walk away for yourself. I'll say this, wherever she is, I hope that shit got sorted. Have a cool day everyone ✌️
Honestly, this video made me feel a lot better. I dated a guy with BPD and I thought for a while that I was a bad person for leaving him, that I shouldn’t have left because of an outburst but I tried to be as gentle as possible and made sure that he wasn’t going to hurt himself and contacted his friend so that he had someone to talk to. He had used everything personal I had told him against me and then said that I “should have recognized that it was a BPD outburst” even though 1) he had never had an outburst like that in front of me and 2) he was literally tearing me down piece by piece and I was not in the state of mind to recognize that it was anything other than my partner yelling at me. Luckily I didn’t yell back, but I did break up with him the next day. Don’t know if this was for the best, but he got a new bf like a week later so maybe I dodged a bullet
As a psych major and daughter of someone who has BPD, I could immediately tell that she struggles with it as well. They tend to lash out on people that they care for most and have intense emotions around what they feel is rejection. It sucks for everyone involved
as a person who struggles with bpd, its not okay for her to use it as an excuse for her behavior. that makes all of us who are trying to heal and be better look bad and its why alot of people demonize people who have bpd.
i feel like it can very well be an excuse for some behaviors but NOT justification, i think theres a big difference between those two statements. like for example "oh, i was mad at you so i kicked you" the excuse there would be being mad but it doesnt justify the action in the slightest
@@boootyassi think “explanation” is a better word for it. excuse literally means to justify. so i would say her bpd doesn’t excuse her actions, but can explain them
Exactly. Also got bpd. It’s super important to take responsibility and communicate when you’re struggling. I’ve really only been in 1 longterm relationship, and she never really understood what I was going through really, but she’s definitely not too blame. We had a lot of dark things going on in her personal life and while I’ve also been through it, I have bpd and a poor control over my emotions. When things got intense or dark or if she was taking out her grief on me I would feel attacked and use and say horrible things against her. We were on and off for years but broke it off probably for good last year. She has done and said pretty shitty things to me as well, definetly broke my heart. But it’s not the bpd, it’s who I was. And that’s really hard to accept. It’s important to understand what bpd actually does to you and to fully understand what kind of person you were. I felt that I was weak and powerless before and needed to take what cheap shot I could so that maybe that person could feel as hurt as I do. I super hard and I don’t have a definite answer, but for ones own growth it’s important to take responsibility for your actions, not using mental illness as a crutch, and establish a healthy outlook on your own self value.
as someone who has bpd and is doing reasonably well, the truth is if you are struggling to manage your bpd this bad, it’s not a good idea to pursue a relationship. you will hurt yourself. you will hurt the other person. it’s great that she’s in therapy, but it seems to me like she might’ve taken the fact she’s in therapy at all as an “yep! i’m getting help so i’m good!” and an all-clear to get in relationships she’s not ready for.
just want to say thank you - for someone who also has BPD - i was terrified that more misinformation would be spread but that wasn't the case. this lady definitely seems like she needs to take a break from whoever they are speaking to and keep seeking help while being away from dating
I also have BPD, and I was quickly able to tell she probably had it. We fall in love easily, connect and become attached too easily, expect things to happen, etc. It’s a pretty rough disorder to have. I still cry over small situations like that as my brain tries to tell me xyz person doesn’t love me because they didn’t text ‘good morning’ or something. I will cry. But do I say anything about it? No. Because it’s not normal. It ruins friendships, and it’s toxic. So I suck it up and cry it out. It was hard to learn how to do that, as in the past the only way to make the pain stop was to say how I felt. Now I’m getting better at telling myself that things aren’t true, and if I need to cry it out I do. I hate being so sensitive. I hate it.
As someone with a psychology degree and experience with people with BPD, BPD does NOT make a person commit actions that harm others. There are still symptoms like abandonment issues, mood swings, impulsive attachment, and things of the like, but it does not inherently cause you to hurt others. That is still their choice to do. While I deeply sympathize with people who struggle with this mental illness, they cannot blame their mental issues when they go out of their way to hurt people for little to no reason EDIT: I want to clarify what I mean really quick so people aren’t confused. I do not believe people with BPD have full control over their emotions. Nor do I believe it’s impossible for them to have a seemingly uncontrollable impulsive reaction that can cause harm in the moment to the self or someone else. I saying going out of your way to cause someone harm then blaming it on BPD is not okay and it’s their choices at that point. For context, the girl being upset over not getting a good morning text and being moody about it? Yeah that’s textbook BPD behavior and while not okay, understandable given the circumstance. Her harassing him for god-knows-how-long after he dipped out? Her choice and not strictly because of BPD. That’s what I meant to say but could’ve worded it more clearly. Thank you to those who wanted clarification (and providing clarification with their own experiences) and not immediately thinking I’m just hating on people with BPD
Everyone has been using mental health issues to get out of shits. Like serial killers wont take accountability for their crimes because they "was bullied and depressed"
My BPD for the last 23 years has done nothing but make me hurt myself physically and emotionally. I couldn't ever see myself being this mad at someone for 0 reason. When there's reason oh all bets are off. I also have psychosis that's getting progressively worse now Ive passed my late twenties and entering my early 30s. I want to be gone more than anything but I won't harm another human being.
I’m Borderline and I can tell you that it sucks ass. I got crazier and crazier year after year until the last few years when I started making progress. I’ve lost a lot of friends. It hurts every time. BPD makes every emotion feel all consuming and it’s really hard to have normal healthy relationships when you can’t think straight.
can confirm as a person with borderline. we’re far more likely to be hurt than to do the hurting - and people will use our disorder against us to say WE’RE the abusers. shit sucks
This is so wrong it's unbelievable. My cousin has had to be baker acted because of his clinically diagnosed BPD when he held his whole family up at gunpoint.
7:55 i dated someone who had this mentality, we had a lot of problems and ended up staying friends, what caused me to block him was when he erupted on me when he found out i had feelings for someone else (we'd stopped dating for a while by this point and we werent even fully in a relationship) and we were arguing, he said to me "if i cheated on you that would've been your fault" People like this are not worth your time or effort, dont waste it on them.
Something similar happened to me a few months ago but it was way more unhinged. She wasn’t weird or clingy at first so I was really excited to have met someone I felt I was finally able to connect with. We knew each other for only one day and she seemed super cool but also normal. Long conversation, good night texts and all, then I wake up next morning at like 9am and when I look at my cellphone there’s at least 100 texts progressively more unhinged. Turns out she woke up at 6 or 7am and have been texting me since then and because I was sleeping and didn’t reply, the texts got progressively longer and angrier. I didn’t even reply, just deleted her number. It feels like a chore to meet someone nowadays. I’ve been struggling a lot plus with me being an introvert and not being able to connect with anyone I meet because we’re either too different or they just stop replying all of a sudden. I feel like I’m gonna die alone. Now I’ve deleted all dating apps and stopped looking to meet someone new whenever I go out. Sorry for the rant it got a little too personal at the end but whatever
as someone with BPD, she is not a fucking "empath," she has a disorder that amplifies her emotions to a painful and dysfunctional extent. I really hate it when people try and romanticize the disorder and frame it as something good when in reality it's nothing but a curse that needs to be worked around. she was clearly in so much pain by the end but i really hope she develops a better sense of self awareness or she will be alone for the rest of her life.
I agree with you to an extent. I think that people unhealthily romanticizing mental health disorders is a very unhealthy and dangerous thing. But I think it's a little too harsh to say that BPD is "nothing but a curse." I was diagnosed when I was around 17, and was in a toxic relationship. One of the ways that I learned to cope over the years is to accept the bad and the good of the hand I was dealt. Having more emotions than most, in my opinion, is one of my best and worst qualities for different reasons. I think there is always a bright side to look at and I hope you're doing well, from someone who understands the struggle. We all deserve patience and kindness ❤
I agree with one of the other commenters on this, your take is definitely a bad one. Obviously romanticizing mental health is bad but your way of saying “cursed” is like not only a horrible thing to say to other people, but yourself. Victimizing oneself will never make anything better
I'll agree that empath isn't correct. But I can certainly get where she would come to that conclusion. Considering both BPD feel emotions stronger than neurotypical people, along with studies showing that people with BPD are hyper aware of expression changes, for instance a neurotypical person can detect an expression at 70% while the same expression can be detected by a person with BPD at 30%. I think with those together it's pretty easy to come to that conclusion even if it's incorrect. You can learn more from HealthyGamerGG's BPD 101 video.
I have a friend that suffers from BPD. She's in recovery with me. She's significantly younger than me and i consider her like a baby sis now. She's one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my life, AND has a sweet soul. Yesterday her bf said something to her that made her absolutely fly off the handle. Like lose it to the point that i was scared. Anyway i got her bf to go his own way and i accompanied her to her bus stop and waited with her to make sure she got on safely. After she calmed down, she looked at me and tears started streaming down her face. I felt f**king terrible. I said what's wrong BB? She looked me dead in the eyes and said " i just feel so alone. I don't wanna end up alone". It took everything in me not to f**king break down. I felt that pain so deeply. People with BPD have SEVERE abandonment issues and it breaks my heart. This scenario kind of reminds me of this tbh. I hope this girlie finds some peace. And super kudos to the guy for taking it like a champ
I dated a girl with BPD years ago. NGL I felt bad for her but she was so toxic and painful to be around. She flipped from super sweet to extremely toxic in a second. When I tried to break up with her she threatened to kill herself unless we stayed together. As much as I feel for people suffering from this condition, I couldn’t do that again. As soon as she mentioned BPD a romantic relationship would be off the table for me.
how did you break up tho? i mean, what did you do when she threatened to kill herself? im curious cause i feel i may have a very similar situation soon
@sirlike5915 unfortunately, you have to not care. More than likely they are saying that to manipulate you into staying and they don't actually mean it. Don't fall for it. The ONLY thing you can do when you decide to leave, is stay firm in that decision and dont let her manipulative tactics work. If she pulls the I will kill myself, turn it on her. Say you have a moral obligation to call cops and get her help. Then step away and call them. If she is saying those things, then she needs help anyways.
@@sirlike5915My ex would threaten suicide anytime I tried to leave. It's a manipulation tactic. You can offer them, like, helpful sites or offer to help them find a therapist but you still NEED to leave them. If someone tries to force you to stay with them by threatening ANYTHING then it'd manipulation.
As someone who has BPD and diagnosed narcissism disorder I can say it is a constant war to not become someone daily who can hurt those around me just by having my mind trick me into being someone I work extremely hard to control. Listening to this conversation shows me how many people cannot just control that erratic behavior side of themselves. I’m glad I have the mental fortitude to conduct myself better and be aware if I am overreacting in a situation.
Dude mad respect. Having self awareness is a blessing when dealing with mental health. Acknowledging that your mind is playing tricks and fighting to be that better person is honestly super admirable.
Coming from a teen who’s struggling with OCD, it’s really admirable that you work hard to keep your mental illness at bay and it actually inspires me to not give up when my mind gets too negative 🤍
thankyou for this video, i have a lot of trouble with social interaction and social skills so things like this are legitimately learning experiences on how to handle conflict for me.
As someone with something similar to bipolar, (Im not diagnosed with bipolar but i feel effects very similar to it and coping mechanisms for it work for me too so its just easier to label myself with possibly having it) I know exactly how it feels to have little control over completely slipping away from reality and doing things you will later regret. Its very scary stuff and if you have a mental illness you do need to seek help. You need guidance because depending on how severe your illness is, you could end up in jail, screw over your life get addicted to something, the list goes on. Personally i used to get into many relationships with people within a week or so of knowing them online and always ended up becoming too much and breaking up with them, as the cycle continued. I recently found out what bipolar means and realised alot of the shit ive done to people is because of the mental illness which i still 100 percent take responsiblity for, only i am to blame. My now girlfriend is very special to me, shes the best girlfriend ive ever had and we have a very close connection even though weve only been dating for a few months. I now maintain a much healthier life style and make sure to always tell her when i feel yk the effects of a bipolar episode beggining. Ill do whatever it takes for her ❤
Nah she will ruin a person I don’t think she should be in a relationship or on that dating app at all. Frankly she should be in therapy and in a medic somewhere
people with BPD can't have meaningful relationships. they see everyone as a pawn to use to gain something. there isnt any real helpful treatment for it yet
@@ibra8096 don't project such negativity onto this person's positive uplifting comment. Really speaks volumes as to your attitude and intentions at that moment. Do better -A caring man
@@user-rg9gm4dk3dAnd who says I was being negative? I was just saying it as it is. She should stay away from dating apps for her own benefit and the benefit of others who she’ll just use as episodic punching bags (no, I’m not saying it’s her fault she has BPD, but that’s the case nevertheless, so let’s not act like it doesn’t exist). If you took my comment as negative, that’s on you, but I suppose I could have sugarcoated it a lot more.
My girlfriend has BPD. What I'm saying here doesn't relate to the story in any form other than that, just so anyone reading this knows. I just wanted to say that, hearing you talk about BPD and hearing your understanding of it made me really happy. There's a lot of negative stigma around BPD and the people who are affected by it. Like some others have said, it is 100% their responsibility to get help and work on it, even if it isn't their fault. But hearing you, one of my favorite RU-vidrs speak softly and understandably about BPD, even if it isn't an illness I have, felt like a weight off my chest. I apologize for the slightly random comment, I just wanted to share how I felt. And for anyone curious, my girlfriend is doing great. She's been working in therapy with it and we work together to make sure boundaries are done right and we're both happy and healthy. We're extremely happy together, so please, remember, just because someone has BPD doesn't inherently make them a bad person nor partner. The best person I know is a wonderful girl who happens to have BPD. With that all being said, I wish anyone who comes by a wonderful day!
With me having a high chance of having but medically unconfirmed asperger's, and that coupled with anxiety and depression that are medicated, I can tell you mental illness is something that sucks ass, and I've dealt with someone who has IED (that being Intermittent Explosive Disorder), in the past, that was family mind you, coming from a family that generally suffers with depression mostly due to situational events, and dealing with a few people who have extreme mental health issues like self-harming, I can tell you that some people genuinely have lost their damn minds and have completely let their mental health declined 110% and don't even bother to try to control themselves at all. It's genuinely sad because sometimes these people truly have a heart of gold, and or they might be one of the most attractive people you've ever met, but the baggage of mental health and issues that they have weigh them down so much that no one wants to be around them or deal with them, not even their own family.. It's genuinely a sad thing to see this woman go through this kind of thing, but that doesn't mean she gets the right to be absolutely psychotic and a total ass to this guy just because she has BPD and the guy is not immediately catering to her every whim. I've seen people fall in love this quick, and in some cases it truly is romantic, but a lot of the time, it's normally cases like this and it winds up crashing and burning so damn hard that it's like a bicycle crash to where you can't look away
i have BPD and i used to sound a LOT like this its actually embarrassing to me to see this and have to remember how i was before. I'm glad that she's in therapy for this right now, i hope that she has some self awareness eventually and shows this to her therapist so that they can work through it together. I feel so bad for the people who had to deal with me when i was like this. i did go back and apologize to them after i had help.
@@Spiralreddas someone with bpd and hpd who has figured shit out you're going about it the wrong way seek help and outsource. ive done the same thing and had the same thought trust me!
She definitely should’ve explained that she has BPD earlier. My best friend has BPD, and these sort of mood swings are entirely too real. It’s sad that the woman in these messages is leading people on like this, with all the love bombing and shit then switching up the next day. i imagine that’s exactly what the therapy is for tho.
If she's in therapy, she's not applying any of the recommendations therapists usually give to people with BPD. There are plenty of people out there with BPD who, thanks to therapy, stop to think and process their emotions instead of blowing up like that
I have bpd, we can be selfaware and work on ourselves especially with therapy, shes generally just not trying it looks like, i have my moments where i split and go nuts but i generally try to keep it to myself and not bring it onto other people. That doesnt always work, but we are capable of managing, though note some might be worse then others.
To be fair, they only knew each other for less than 24 hours and we don't know how she talks with other people, so I wouldn't call it "leading someone on" when she let him know the next day. I do agree that someone with BPD, or someone with anything that might be a dealbreaker for potential partners, should be upfront and honest about it. Hiding it will not only cause problems for the relationship, but also for anyone else facing the bad stigmas and stereotypes.
I’ve got bpd and I constantly struggle to act it a normal manner with my boyfriend. Seeing this always makes me remember how difficult it is to deal with someone with bpd.
I dated a girl with BPD. It was EXACTLY like this. Whenever they feel like someone is about to abandon them, they get really scared and [unfortunately] end up doing everything in their power to make absolutely _sure_ that the person leaves. It's an awful disorder. She's doing great now though! On some good meds, has a baby and a wonderful boyfriend and everything! So it's totally possible, there is hope :)
@@jackdrippr2891 some people just don't believe in marriage but they stay together forever. I have friends that have been together for 30 years with kids and never wanted to get married. Everyone is different.
As a person with BPD, seeing someone like Charlie be so kind and understanding about something that a LOT of people just see as being dramatic made me feel so seen. BPD is like having every single emotion dialed up to a million, ALL THE TIME. It’s incredibly hard to deal with at times, BUT it can (with therapy) be dealt with a little easier. Big props to this man for being so kind to this girl, despite her getting so combative. It gives me hope that even at my worst moments there can be guys like this stranger who are willing to be calm during it.
