Married At First Sight #14 - Therapist Reacts - (Taylor and Brandon) 

Having watched how the series ends I honestly hope Brandon sees Dr Honda’s reviews because I don’t think anyone on that show truly cared about Brandon’s mental health, past triggers and relationships traumas. I really hope he gets the help he needs and deserves

Everyone hated Brandon on this show. But man, I feel like they all did him wrong. There are just a few things he needed, and one of them was space when he has a panic attack. But instead both Taylor and the others kept attacking him for his behavior. It's a shame.

"Everyone has some trauma that they deserve to recover from" !!!yes!!!

I love waking up to a new video! The silver lining of quarantine is that Dr. Honda has the time to react to my favorite reality shows, it's the cross over I didn't know I needed and has become my favorite corner of RU-vid. I learn a lot from these reactions and enjoy these shows so much more.

Hmm, wait a second. If we're going to call Brandon abusive, I think we also really need to apply that label to Lisa.

She says he's sweet, kind, and nice when he is not in front of the camera so Taylor the question is.......why do you want Brandon to "perform" all the time in front of the camera? Possible RU-vid or Instagram sensation after the show? What is Taylor focusing on? Not everyone is a public person. Maybe, Brandon falls into that category?

Always happy to see when you upload! You’re a pleasant part of my day, Dr. Honda and I really need that!

I also need to just step away sometimes and I totally feel for Brandon. I feel like he's being so unfairly framed. Not that he didn't react, but he was cornered. I honestly really feel for him.

Couldn’t you also say that their behavior to him that triggered him was also somewhat abusive

I honestly feel bad for Brandon. He clearly needs help understanding and managing his emotions, but instead of being provided the tools and space that he needs, everyone is just yelling at him. I can't see this ending well.

Imagine.... A Dating show hosted by doctor Kirk Honda! It would be called deserving lovers, and the couples would get therapy every week and actually build lasting relationships! Also, the cast would be diverse. AND we would get to see dr.Honda standing up!

Taylor: "I dont want to see that side of yours anymore". Ok, how about you think for a second to realize that the "ugly" Brandon that you dont like nor wanna see is also a result of your own behavior (talking about the moment when he just wanted a few minutes alone but nobody let him do that, then Taylor came in and instead of helping she just threw him further out the window) since he most likely doesnt feel that you are on his side nor want to understand what his problem(s) actually is(are) to then help him. This is just a load of bullshit. When Brandon is thrown onto the fire, then sure he gets pissed, understandably so. Like his mom (?) said, he just needs a few minutes to "regroup". If he doesnt get that chance, then fight it is. Yet everybody is going after his ass EVEN THO he already apologized enough times...............yeah, because that is gonna help for sure. What he asks for is just his "regroup" time and then its all good, give him that, he deserved it. He later puts up a wall because (i guess) he doesnt get the feeling that Taylor is willing to help him in any way and again, understandably s. What Taylor wants isnt Brandon (as a whole.........or at all). What she wants is a "sweet" person with no negative sides almost like the perfect prince, thats the vibe i am getting. She basically always goes "I dont wanna see that side/I dont wanna deal with it/etc" instead of addressing the actual issue, that shows that she is just thinking about herself and not him.

Can't wait until Taylor's outrageous behavior shows up to hear Dr. Honda's assessment. 🤔

It’s 1:30am when I got the notification, I thought I’d just watch this in the morning, it can wait. But then I saw the thumbnail, and I determine urgency based on Dr Kirk's face 😂. So here I am watching, it's almost 2am, being sleep deprived. Good episode!!

I wonder why Dr. Honda labels Brandon’s behavior as verbally abusive when he (to my knowledge) hasn’t used that term with Lisa, Tom, or Jesse (or anyone else). I watch basically all his react videos, and I find it really odd since Lisa is probably the most verbally abusive person he’s reacted to but he doesn’t label her as such. I wonder what his criteria are...

It is so true that we need more trauma therapists! I live in germany and it is so hard to find people that have the education for that. I also appreciate you mentioning that you use a broad definition of the word. It‘s weird to me to treat things like war experiences and disappointments in your childhood like they are totally comparable.

This channel really helps me understand a lot about my family, and it shows us how to understand and draw boundaries from toxic people. Totally going to check out the patron at some point, all the love and respect!

Hi Dr. Honda! Thank you for sharing these videos with us. I appreciate you 💕

Thank you so much for making these videos!!!

It really really bothers me, as someone with anxiety, how people talk about and talk to Brandon when no one understands or supports him in his anxiety. I like Taylor, but I can't stand how little she understands him (even though lots of people don't).

Highlight of my day is seeing a new upload. Love the insight :)

I would really be interested to see if the people in the comments who keep emphasising that Brandon has apologised so much, insinuating that Taylor and others need to move on already, would show a stranger who acted in such a scary way the same grace and trust. Oh a stranger they’re now married to by the way! I understand that Taylor isn’t expressing the root of her concerns well but the oh but he has apologised already sentiments is really grating on my nerves. I can’t imagine how scary and unnerving being in her position must be.

Hi Kirk :) thank you for your videos! They have become a really nice part of my days. And thinking about that, there is a serie called Dead to me... its about a widow obsessed to find who killed her husband in a hit and run. She has problems with anger, two kids and she makes a friend in a grieving group. This friend seems to be a bit “crazy” but she doesn’t care and invites her to live at her house. Its a dark comedy that explores the weirdly funny sides of grief, loss and forgiveness and the main character is played by Christina Applegate... I though it could be interesting to get your reactions on this one :)

I can't wait until he gets to the breakdown of Taylor and Brandon and how inappropriate and damaging the therapists are to Brandon at the end

Hey Dr. Krik I would love to see you doing reactions to "family vlogs" and family channels, and hear you talking about that and about how it effects the kids. Sorry if my English is broken, it's not my native language.

I like that you use the word "and" instead of "but" when you're making two differing points (9:10). It really gives each statement its own validity without taking anything away from one point or the other. I'm gonna steal that way of framing things

After finding your channel, I really wish I could've found it while my dad was still alive. He was a very damaged person and I tried my best to understand him and deal with him in the best way so he wouldn't feel alone. I did better at the end definitely, but everything you're saying would've helped so much. I could've been more in his corner and got him the help he needed.

I think I stonewall sometimes. I’ll have to look into why I do that.

Thank you for how you talk about trauma in this video. My husband and I are raising children with traumatic backgrounds and I wish the general public had a better understanding of what that means and how they can help them.

Dr. Honda, one emotion you don't seem to pick up on in these videos is women's fear. I think women are very good at covering it up, especially when it's our male partner, family member, friend, colleague etc. that we're afraid of. We have to cover it up, because saying, "I feel scared you might rape me," or, "I feel scared you might yell at me again," or, "I feel scared you might hit me someday," or, "I feel scared you could kill me," is not going to get a good reaction. In fact, saying something like this is likely to trigger another abusive event, if the man believes it's okay to abuse his female partner or other women / people in his life. Taylor looks and sounds scared to me, when she and Brandon are talking together in the kitchen. It's like she wants to be that strong woman who stands up for herself. Of course, we've all been told if we're that strong woman who stands up for herself, that's how you make sure abuse never happens to you - even though this isn't true, and men abusing us is about those men's choices. (Though I must say, she's doing a good job of standing up for herself given the circumstances.) But deep down inside I think she feels afraid he could yell at her again or worse, and so she makes herself physically small, she mostly looks away from him and then quickly looks up at him sometimes, and she appeases him by saying things like, "Hopefully this is, like, *laughs* the last time [we'll talk about it], you know?" She's being very careful in the way she talks to him. And honestly, from re-watching a little bit and focusing on Brandon, if I were in Taylor's shoes in that moment, I'd feel scared too. He looks very tense, even when he smiles it looks like he's gritting his teeth, and when he speaks he keeps saying short phrases that sound a bit irritable. Like when he says, "Fair enough," and, "That would be nice." Watch again and look closely - I suspect he's ready to burst. But he restrains himself and when he speaks, it could even be interpreted as polite, agreeable. Incidentally, there are other people and cameras in the room during this interaction. Dr. Honda, you said at 10:55, "Brandon's an interesting one because he seems so healthy in so many different ways and then he does have this temper." Yes. The "healthy" part is what Taylor saw, and it's what she keeps talking about when she says he has this really "sweet" side that she wishes he would show to the cameras. The "healthy" part is what all women see in the early stages of an abusive relationship, when we think we've finally found a good one, and it's what confuses us like all hell when he starts to mistreat us. The "healthy" part is what you'll see every time a perpetrator and a victim-survivor come in for couples' therapy. That's why frontline Family Violence workers, particularly those who work with male perpetrators, do not recommend couples' therapy for couples where Intimate Partner Violence is involved.

Brandon looks defeated, like no one gets his anxiety not even him and he has been groveling and he just seems resigned 😕. You are right the comparison with Michael h ended up saying its not worthit for him to be vulnerable cuz its like the other person dont get it and dont let it go despite them apologising and saying they will do better 🤷🏾

I had a 5 yr toxic relationship that looked so very very very similar to this. It took me 5yrs to internalize what your saying in this video. Great guy underneath it all but in the end I realized that yes he could benefit from addressing trauma but, at our pace it would take 20 yrs (it has). THAT was the problem, it would take too long for me. Friends and family who trash the partner only makes you more confused until I realized that. Taylor is lucky to get in and out of this in a few months!

Dr. Honda, have you read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft? I would love to hear your thoughts on his framework that abuse is rooted in mindset, not emotion. Additionally, Bancroft does not advocate therapy for people who abuse others because he thinks it doesn't actually work. I am close with people who have been abusive in the past and I have seen how therapy has transformed their behavior so I am quite confused.

Wow wow wow. I SOOOOO wish we had been in couple's therapy with you!! There is just so much wisdom in breaking down the surface conversation. That ability in itself can save SO many relationships. This should be taught in schools for people Other then Psychology majors.

Dr Honda. I see myself privileged to be able to see a therapist have a take on these reality shows. My problem is I see you never call out Lisa for the way she treats Usmond as abusive (and now we find out she is racist too), but with Brandon you have no trouble calling it out for being abusive?

I've been abused long term from a narcissistic borderline parent. I can see myself in Brandon. So I feel that he might of been subjected to the same type of abuse. ;-;

Please review MAFS Australia!!

After watching your videos on 90DF Stephanie and Erika, and then watching this whole season of MAFS, the thing that really struck me about this issue between them is that Brandon doesn't understand the kind of apology that he needs to give in order to truly reassure Taylor. He's not articulating what it is that he did wrong and how exactly he plans to prevent it going forward. No one is reassured by someone saying "I'm going to man up"... It's the most empty platitude ever. Brandon and Stephanie remind me of each other in this way. They're fine admitting they made mistakes, they're fine saying they're sorry, but they fall into the same patterns (as you come to see in later episodes) regardless and never actually change or even create a plan of action in order to try to change.

What a tragedy that they have a couples therapist on staff, but they won't let her help! That really tanks my view of this show.

I understand the people who feel bad for Brandon and he might have more mental issues than just being a jerk. However, it’s not Taylor’s job to fix him or be the bigger person, she might also have traumas. He signed up to a reality TV show while knowing he can’t stand the cameras which is very stupid. Taylor had just met him and he showed the bad side of him so I guess after that her feelings for him were over and she had a hard time getting past those insults, which is understandable

OMG PLEASE DO S'MOTHERED. PLEASEEEEEEEEE

I only hope that TLC doesn't have something horrible happen in one of these shows. Maybe they are on top of everything.

I love your content, I really do, you explain things super well. But I find it strange that when you bring up abuse out of all the couples you analyzed, you chose this couple instead of Lisa and Usman, and she was horrid and way worse than Brandon (who is also abusive). I would have really loved to see that discussed when it comes to Lisa, because when women abuse men it is harder to label and for men to know that this treatment is simply wrong. But again, love your content and it helps in many ways

Dr kirk please react to Bill Burr. Please react to his stand up regarding his childhood that made him a psycho. Would love to see your reaction.

Correct me if I'm wrong, Dr hasn't labelled Lisa as abusive (who by far demonstrates much worse behaviour) but will call out Brandon's abusive behaviour. Question.. Is there something in the gender perhaps that makes him jump the gun quicker in this instance? If so, just thought it might be something to reflect on Dr!

So I know in teen mom their is a couple who go to a couples counsellor and a session is filmed, it would be interesting to hear your take on it?

Looking through all the videos, but cant find what I'm really interested in: The selfie video!

Please do sMothered (TLC show) if that is something you feel comfortable discussing!

I can't stand Taylor. The second she took the producers side and said he can't have 10 minutes alone to try and collect himself I would have left her a** and never looked back. What a horrible partner... That's abusive of her to do that. She should have stood up for him if she cared at him even a little bit. All she cares about is her stupid social media image and looking good for the producers. Everyone has a breaking point. It's clear he made many attempts to practice healthy coping strategies and was denied the ability to use any healthy coping strategies he had learned over the years. This led him to an understandable breaking point. He was quite clear what he needed in order to calm down and everyone ignored him including his wife. I can't hold too much blame for him after that...he should have broken up with Taylor that same day though instead of continuing to put up with her abuse and end up abusing her in turn himself...

I think in addition to background checks intensive independent psychological testing needs to b done to weed the crazies off the show. How is this fair to other cast members and producers to hv to deal with mentally ill hostile people on the edge. Also there needs to b a clause in the contract that if u engage in hostile abusive behavior to cast members or staff u r booted off the show and will not get paid!!!

"I wanna be married to the sweet, kind Brandon so just be the sweet, kind Brandon you are"........you're kidding me, right?

They need more therapists to help couples. Have them more involved.

There's something from Kirk's comments I don't get when he talks about abusive behaviour. He says the victim is right to say "I deserve better and not be treated like this", but then Kirk says "OK, yes, but *then what?*". Hmm well, if someone is extremely abusive, I'm out! No "next" for us. Isn't that the healty way to look after yourself? That's a dealbreaker for me!

I don't want to go there but I find it odd that Dr. Honda labels Brandon as clearly abusive and continually rationalizes Lisa's behavior. Unconscious bias?

The way they're all ganging up on Brandon actually triggers me.

I get empathy and compassion, but I wouldn't put up with this much crap from someone I barely know ...

I don't feel one bit sorry for boo hoo Brandon....because his attitude seemed to really change once in private. His responses were then bare minimum, placating, and yes, stonewalling towards Taylor. He's more concerned with how he thinks HE is being treated unfairly (really no one came down on him all that hard...that I saw), than he is with the damage he did to Taylor's feelings and the trust between them and now he's just giving her lip service. There's been no warmth towards her since that I've seen. No relaying to her his pain at hurting her feelings. It's plain as day, to me, that he's just acting in a passive aggressive "Well if I have to kiss your ass and kowtow to whatever you want to get you to let it go so I don't have to think about your feelings anymore, Taylor, then that's what I'll do. But we can see, and literally hear, that that's NOT what Taylor is wanting, implying, or asking for. This is his highly childish way of 'getting back' at her and those other people for holding him to account. Mind you, I do NOT think a room full of outsiders analyzing his behaviour was a good way to go because I can imagine it made him feel ganged up on. And now Taylor bears the brunt of his unexpressed emotions, again.

New fan here uk

Brandon seems to me so weird. So weird. The way he smiles when people confronted him is quite off. Surely it’s editing but still, after seeing all the season, he gives me a defensive wall that attack people.

Dr honda should look into the Shane Dawson apology video that just came out. Im curious as to what he thinks. Bc researching the background to the video would be torturous.

Oh my... Taylor just seems impossible.

Hey Dr. Kirk - It concerns me that you keep talking about how you've counseled couples where someone was acting abusively and that they've gotten better. From everything I've read (plus my own personal experience, as I was in an emotionally abusive marriage), couples counseling is NOT recommended when there's abuse involved, because the abuser can and often does manipulate the language of therapy and uses those sessions and the therapist to further the abuse. Is that something you can speak to and address?

I feel bad for Brandon. How many times does he have to apologize and to how many people ? I feel like society is now so politically correct that people are no longer allowed to be mad or upset anymore. Everybody has to be functional at every second of their life. I mean, they spent 15 great days together (according to Taylor) and he was upset for 2 hours, big deal...

Hello!

Dang she cute

That was excruciating. ugh.

⭐️

I don’t watch the show but I wonder if he has some addiction that he needs “10 minutes alone” & lashes out if he doesn’t get it.