Esther Perel is absolutely fantastic, she has her finger on the pulse of the human condition like nobody I've ever heard before. I listened to her TED talk on infidelity and now I'm binge-watching all these videos of hers ... she's brilliant!
I am listening to this while sitting in a hotel where my husband is attending a conference. It was a last minute 'surprise' invitation to tag-along with him on a business trip as he often tags along with me. While he was in conference, I went out and explored the city filled with new sights, sounds etc. We met up for dinner and did a 'roll the dice' to choose where we ate. Our whole weekend together has been what Esther says, the SPACE for mystery, novelty, excitement, playfulness and anticipation. If you are not creating that space in your life and your relationships, both intimate and platonic, it is work worth doing. Eroticism in the form that she describes is truly the antidote to death. EXCELLENT SPEECH and absolutely timeless!
Don't be fooled by thinking because this talk is ten years old it's going to be less potent. Wowowow. The brilliant questions she formulated for this work, which she articulates and answers in the talk are choc full of wisdom and humanity. Favorite quote among many favorites: "Desire is the art of wanting. It's the owning of the wanting in the best sense like any little child you see that says 'I want THAT...."
That was one of the best speeches I have ever heard. These moments spoke to me the most: 15:35-17:05 26:48-27:06 They made me realize how much control my mom has over my life, and why I feel so scared to do things in my life...and how it could really affect my future. This woman is so smart.
I love the clarity with which Esther Perel articulates the paradox between intimacy & eroticism, and the way to move through this gridlock to again being separate and creating polarity.
Esther, your work, your spirit, your heart, your LOVE is evident, intelligent and vital. You really walk the talk and boy, you can talk the talk, and deep gratitude for your wisdom, your words and brilliance in putting it all together to make sense of our desires, our wishful destinations, and with helpful pointers/directions for the journey. Thank You!
The quote was easy. You can see it in the way he looks at his wife. The actionable based on my understanding is to have that distance, independence and maintain the mystery of "I don't know what might happen next!" The excitement of wanting over needing
this is Incredible!!! Everything I've been thinkingandr feeling for the last god known how many years..she says it all here.....WOW !!!!! This is what I think and believe that relationships and partnerships should be like. This is the journey I want to have in life with a primary partner who feels the same way.
People talk about Lacan, and Badiou, and Sartre. But this woman is the Gallic philosopher to whom the entirety of our attention, driven by our fundamental needs, should be directed.
They only thing wrong was the crowd. I thought this was amazing and yet the audience was fairly lame and unresponsive to her occasional humor AND overall powerful presentation.
remember that the audience doesnt have any mic, they are probably responding but you wouldnt know because the audio comes only from her mic, there is no mic for the people in the crowd
I had to detach from my family of origin to gain my autonomy. Been struggling to deal with my childhood all my life. Successful career but struggled in good relationships.
12:30 2 forces need for security and adventure-risc 14:41 kid example security and safety with adventure and desire, cum see traduce in cupluri bazat pe relative cu parintii, I need you to need me 16:21 I will compromise my freedom for your security - mother ex and kid 18:00 fire need air, people don't give each other space/air 21:22 take care of him because I need him. Biggest inhibitor needing. Biggest facilitator being independent Confusion between wanting and needing.
Perhaps the reason some animals in captivity wont breed is a similar answer. They cannot form the natural social bonds they normally would have from spending time moving from group situations to individual situations. How can you be an individual if your kept in a cage (albeit a large one) with a dozen other animals. There is no chance for the child to leave the mother, no novel interactions with other animals, and this impacts their psyche.... huh... oh ya humans are in a cage too, we just have a bigger one ;)
Or maybe it's just because animals (just like humans) suffer in cages. They usually are both overstessed (seen as high stress hormones and stress induced behavior) and suffer depression, which both can affect sexuality.
@@janja14 I think this is such a simple explanation, and it's interesting to me that people are more willing to see themselves as deeply psychologically flawed than to see themselves as animals in a cage. The real question is when did the bars descend around us, the industrial revolution? The agricultural revolution? The invention of money? The discovery of fire?
16:27 An eye opener to understand instead of evaluate, those really kind human beings who are tender and terrifically sensual, yet do not allow them selves to explore and enjoy the revitalizing effect of sex. ❤️
One small correction. It was Oscar Wild not George Bernard Show who said, "in this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." You've made the same mistake as Frasier Crane in "Frasier". There's a witty exchange between Kate Costas and Frasier over this on the She's the Boss episode.
When I gave my husband space to do what he has always wanted to do, that was when he started his 3 years of infidelity, which I only discovered 15 days ago. What happened then?
The idea that we can accept and justify affairs and infidelity because of human nature, and introducing a third can somehow be the missing link to staying faithful is piss poor. We should focus on sexual communication, honesty and integrity if you want to stay exclusive. I expect more form an authority on this extremely important topic.
I have read her books and seen most of her videos, many times, over several years. I do not see her ideas as exclusively male or female. She speaks intelligently and with great insight. She speaks truth, which does not have a gender. If it matters, I am male.
To be in this presentation is not, ironically, about hedonism, but erudition. You go to a presentation about eroticism and human realtionships to understand eroticism and human relationships, ideally. What you may call dull others call paying attention. I do. It's wanting to make everything a party what ironically decreases the pleasure you get when you genuinely have reasons and means to celebrate. Pleasure begets seriousness, and viceversa. Order and chaos, stability and uncertainty. You can't expect a rock concert reaction in a conference hall. All of this to say, just be easier on others if they don't fullfill yoru expectations.
BRY I JUST HEARD ESTHER PEREL/A BELGIUM ON NPR….I THINK YOU WILL FIND HER CONTENT VERY, VERY INTERESTING. TOO I AM INTERESTED IN HER BOOK 'MATING IN CAPTIVITY"….O, MOMA
It is too bad that the people who need this most, especially those that think they're going to have children and continue on partying like they did before children, and those that aren't married yet, are probably least likely to see it.
