I think I found my worth ... I think it's not here. When I escaped a Calvanist / Gothard / Bob Jones family in 1970 I never looked back. The journey has been mine. Totally disconnected. One Aunt who mentored me through my early reconstruction 'saw" me. The journey has been unconventional during an era of remarkable chaos. My heart goes out to subsequent generations of the children I never had struggling to make sense of the imposition of 'religious' enslavement.
I remember making my roommate do n college pray with me and read the bible because she was having boy trouble. I still want to call her and apologize. Euff just, misguided youth.
So right about asking the question “is god really this unfair?” I asked this question all the time. The scriptures sexism and racism really helped me stop believing in god.
Time codes and how to donate to keep this channel sustainable below! 00:00 Music video for Sacrament 7:20 Mom’s cancer 10:40 Mom’s death 13:08 Colette and Callie’s relationship 16:02 Forever family messages 17:41 Music of their youth 21:10 Relaxed Mormon rules, giving boyfriend Book of Mormon 24:00 Converting ex-husband 28:00 Starved for affection 33:30 Sexuality/rules 40:45 Telling her dad she’s unworthy 42:58 Zac’s exit from the church 48:22 Zac + Callie meet, Singapore 51:38 Blowing up on RU-vid 57:31 Making music with ex + Zac 1:00:25 Falling in love with Zac while married 1:13:45 Confessing their love 1:18:18 Waking up to the falsehoods of the temple 1:27:00 Therapist changes everything 1:30:37 Ex threatens Callie, divorce speeds up 1:36:05 Fans explode on Ex 1:39:40 Getting physical affection from Zac 1:45:00 Realizations in the Singles Ward 1:48:55 No garments liberation 1:51:16 Writing “Sacrament” 1:57:12 Lyrics and symbolism 2:12:28 The women, knowledge, embrace 2:19:00 Love fest on the alter 2:21:55 Colette’s response 2:26:22 Reclaiming lyrics from the temple 2:26:00 Concert Help me continue making important, hilarious content by becoming a one-time or monthly donor! 🤝 DONATE VIA DONORBOX! donorbox.org/thanks-for-the-amazing-content-carah-let-me-help-you-keep-it-funded 👩💻 Join the Hoetown community on Patreon: www.patreon.com/nuancehoe 🍯 Tip Jar (Venmo: CarahB): account.venmo.com/u/CarahB
Wow, this never-mo from New Zealand absolutely loved this interview! Thank you for bringing this pair and their music to light! Without a doubt I would be at their concert if I could. All the best for the show tonight!
OMFG, The music video + story & explanation here, is one of the awesomest things I've ever seen / heard! And I'm ROFL thinking about how much more depth there is to it, in every way (from visual & audio, to meaning, symbols, context, even history), than there is in the actual temple ceremony! 😂🤣 That was killer!!
“I thought men was me” ahhhhh YES EXACTLY. So perfectly describes the big crutch of deconstructing for me (as a woman) after the temple. Fucking crushing. Or even worse, that gender inequality was divine 🥴
Omg omg omg. I am SO EXCITED for this. I was absolutely floored by Sacrament and immediately sent it to my exmo female friends. It's so powerful and was an intense, raw experience for me ❤
When I jumped, early on, to the video of the song, I noticed the homage to The Passion of Joan of Arc. The symbolism in the entire production is brilliant.
I relate to this interview & to Callie SO MUCH. I lived in a similar situation with my ex for far too long and felt completely trapped & like I was the "bad" one for not being happy in a disfunctional marriage. Such a powerful interview!
Agreed!! It was wild to hear almost my exact story coming from this awesome stranger's voice. Comforting to know that multiple people understand (and also so sad to hear how many of us were) being starved for affection in a relationship with the person who was supposed to love us most. Glad we're freed from that. ❤
“I’m a nerd obsessed with concepts and themes” huge same I love her performing name and I’m excited to check out her music :) “die shiny” is cool and relevant As an autistic person “shaytards” is obscene and does not pass the vibe check at all
All the stuff about the emotionally unavailable partner resonate with me. I’m an expert at choosing the emotionally unavailable, yet I yearn for emotional intimacy. In two long term relationships I learned much more than I really care to know about all the different ways that lack of intimacy can manifest. So sorry you spent 8 years trying and kept hearing you were the one with the problem- been there. It’s funny too because ending a relationship with that kind of person is really hard. It’s almost like the only way to extricate yourself is to have someone else show you what you’ve been missing. That’s because when they keep telling you you’re the one with the problem there’s nothing to grasp on to as a reason to end it. They act so “reasonable” and what’s your problem anyway? So passive-aggressive. Ugh! Then all that passive-aggressive behavior can suddenly convert to outright aggression (not necessarily physical) once you finally say you’ve had enough. The first partner I went through this with agreed to therapy once I said I wanted to leave. After the third session in which she sat mostly silent while I poured my heart out, she said, “How long do we have to keep doing this?” Crazy making. Great episode!
I loved this episode. Callie, I've been a fan sinnce the Crofts family Christmas album. I still listen to it every Christmas. Thank you for sharing all this.
I've been looking for music lately that relate to bodily autonomy. I'm going to check out that video as soon as I'm done watching! And feel free to suggest more before my comment 👇🏼
I'm happy things worked out. I'm glad to see you discovered your meaning. I grew up in Firth as well and can attest how great your family is. They were good to me.
I love Callie and have been following her since ~2012. She’s such a creative genius!! ♥️ I’m here to support her and love Die Shiny. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ New subscriber as a thank you for having Callie on here.
After just hearing the tiny clip at the beginning of the interview... I'm seriously holding back tears. A flood of power and rage just serged through my heart.
When you step away from the church mentally you really begin to see people who are alone or suffering in marriages. You hear the lack of voice woman have in marriage.
The blood symbology out of the womans mouths and hearts 💕 also seemed to connected to menstrual blood? Creative video and song. Interesting interview. When I saw Die, I thought of the South African performers, Die Antwoord (in Dutch-Afrikaans, Die means 'The', Antwoord means Answer).
I have never heard of the woman and her songs but I plan to look her up. The story her story was interesting and eye opening. When she said she married a man who lied and told this conversion dream to get her. Then The marriage mirage began and he doesnt Touch her he doesn't want to have relations with her. And she communicates she talks to him again and again. That there's something missing that maybe he doesn't love her that there's something wrong. Is he happy and he's like he's fine. He's happy but it's her anxiety or it's her imagination it's just fine everything's great. I met a liar like that too. I married a liar like that too. And I didn't even know what word Narcissist meant until five years ago. It was depressing discouraging. And I didn't tell anyone either...... And somehow when my father passed away, convinced him. What would he do if he wanted to have a son. Now in his culture , it's very important to have a son or a child or something. But if we were doing anything it was next to impossible. But I did convince him one night and his best effort. Because he usually had no effort no stamina nothing. I conceived. I knew it was ovulation I knew it was the time I could conceive. Well I did stay with him for 2 more years After that. But I felt so empty so lost. Because it was a loveless marriage. There is no affection there was no knowing each other. It was like a fake marriage. On the outside , everyone just thought we were married and happy and we didn't really argue. It was just strange and he really wanted people to look at him as great. And I was very depressed and unhappy and just oppressed. I had all my duties to him. And he didn't provide for the household. He just walked around as if he was very self important. Circumstances were such that I didn't feel safe to stay. Political things were going on and there was a sixteen day strike which means everything was closed for a full sixteen days. And I said I have to go home. He became mad at me said that he'll die for his beliefs yata yada. He wouldn't work for his family he wouldn't do anything to make us survive. He wouldn't tell the truth or be honest. There are a lot of more details But I just ended up going home. The police escorted us out after sixteen days. When I got home... He refused to talk to me for a year. He just sent letters like he's going to die for his cause and his belief. And his friends were telling me I need to come back he never beat me. But they didn't know anything about how he was and that he didn't provide period that he lied everyday. Or that he didn't even want to touch me from the night we were married. And I was worried how would we keep the household. How we would buy food clothes. And what if we reached an emergency like the 16th day strike? How are we gonna provide for ourselves. And he walked around as if he was a king or something. And everything that didn't work he blamed on me He had even stole my valuable things. I told him if he doesn't stop his friends from writing me. I'm going to tell them. Tell them everything. And he continued to make them write me But I did convince him finally I was going to expose him . My silence is the only thing he had going for him. So he made them stop. And I never saw him again I did talk to him a few times. After a year or two I told him it's just over because...... Everything i've already said and nothing changed. Yes response was so many other women want him..... And basically that was that. He admitted he was unfaithful to me. And I was like go on then You never wanted me. So I knew he was out there trying to trap someone else. They would eventually know that he wasn't interested in women. So um I really heard you and I understood what you were probably going through. Cause i've been through that myself. I am happy you found someone you and who was affectionate towards you. About the video and the Joan of arc Parts. I really liked. The story of Joan of arc. I don't understand what interviewer was saying about don't watch passion of the Christ. I think if you've lived your life and had faith in God. There is nothing wrong with the movie the passion of the Christ. Even Joan of ark wouldn't have been known at all if she didn't believe in the Christs death and passion for us. So I did benefit to hear everything Shared , I just didn't like what she said in regards to Christ's passion or the movie. I was thinking our use was to believe in The passion of journal of arc but not the passion of Christ. I hope that even though you are not a part of that Church That you didn't throw away your belief in God. I have never been a morman. But I grew up in a very strict church. I walked away from that church also as an adult. But i've never walked away from God. I hope that you havent. Ultimately , I thought that your father brought you up well because he made you able to think if something was right or not. There are systems and there are beliefs that are so overwhelming. They demand everything from you. And God isn't like that He didn't use Ritual and religiousness to trick you, But they do. I'm sayig God is the pure essence And he is eternal life. No I was confused for a time...... I want it none of it. And then I realized I needed him and he didn't let me down. The church let me down different teachers. Let me down my mother really let me down. But still God was there. They're personal prayer and seeking him myself. Reading the bible myself seeing freedom in the bible that I had never heard. It made my faith real in my time with God real. And I don't regret that at all. I only wanted a church that was real. Something reflecting what it says of the new testament. Where people are set free and they're blessed. I have different people. I listen to on the internet , and I do have a church that does live that way and it's interdenominational. And they pray for you. So I just wanted to say that like a lot of bad things happen We grow up....... And God is real He is not a bunch of religious traditions and temple visits. May He bless you and show you who He is.❤
