"Most Men Who Take Their Life Had No History Of Mental Illness" - Dr K 

Previous commenter said (before deleting his comment) *"They were probably undiagnosed or didn’t say it, genius. this dude is a quack".* If the difference between you offing yourself & living is having your kids in your life, financial ruin, ostracization, MAYBE you dont have a mental health disorder. You are dealing with difficult cirumstances and are caving to the pressure of walls closing in. Reducing all issues of self deletion to "MENTAL HEALTH DISORDER" is reductive and makes people suffering from these issues more isolated. Therapy and pills cannot save everyone. Many are just undiangosed yes, but many just have difficult life cirumstances so Its important to discuss that.

Mental health is more than mental illness. Great takes, thanks for sharing 🙏

Not everything is mental illness, sometimes shit sucks.

"hell is waking up every goddamn day not knowing why you're here" this is the thought that haunts me every day. you try to keep going but I guess eventually something's gotta give...

I felt the same way till a month ago, i was in a relationship with someone that never listened to me, every time i tried spending time with her she refused, i was living in a new country (moved there to be able to live with her) and i felt so isolated, so.... Depressed (inguess) and I couldn't see a way out, i felt unheard, unappreciated, unloved... And kept thinking about self-deletion. Till i managed to make the decision to ask for help, to my family and to my friends back in my home country. The friends gave me the emotional support i needed, and my family helped me get out of that situation, i left my job in that county, and my parents drove cross country with a van to gather my belongings to be able to move back, stayed with them till i managed to get a job back in my home country and now i am living again, happily again.

The amount of distain so many people show when someone tries to help men is disturbing.

Demotivation can be more deadly than depression. When someone with depression seeks help and receives it, they have a chance. But when anyone seeks help and is ignored/denied, they struggle alone until they can't.

Prolonged poverty is something that also needs to get addressed. Gaining just a little agency by having enough money to eat and have a roof over your head, is huge for fighting hopelessness.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and put onto antidepressants to manage it, but it was entirely caused by my life circumstances. I had contracted a debilitating disease that took years to recover from, my partner punished me constantly for being sick, my friends rejected me from the group and my mother kept trying to control my life with bullying. I was constantly on the verge of taking myself out. When I left the toxic relationship, got a restraining order on my mother and changed friend groups, suddenly my mental health improved. Shocker, I know.

My older brother told me, “Why kill yourself? Just keep living to see what happens. You’re gonna die one day anyways, why speed up the process?” That line of reasoning helped me begin to get out of that mindset when I was a teenager. Might not work for everyone, but it definitely changed my perspective…

As someone who was DEEP into the self deletion train for years, the best thing BY FAR that you can do for someone in that hole (besides guiding them to professional help that is OFC) is just set them up to do something that can at least take their mind off from the dark thoughts or at best giving them something that can give them a little taste of happiness. Like what you ask, its very case by case basis but for example: "hey man lets go to the beach/hiking/outdoors activity tomorrow" maybe introduce them to someone new that may become a geniune friend, as Aba said a job that isnt miserable would be huge, hell even just getting laid or finding a hobby they be good at does way WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more than a thousand chants of "this too shall pass". Listening and actions are the best solution for this if you REALLY care for that person, Dont tell, SHOW IT.

Having someone to talk to is really important, especially men. I remember back in high school, my buddy was going through some stuff. To top it off, he was having relationship issues. We were on the phone and it was late and we had been talking for a few hours. I ended up passing out while we were still on the phone. I remember waking up with the biggest sense of dread because I didn’t know where his head was at or what he must’ve thought when he realized I had fallen asleep. I was so relieved when I saw him at school the next day. He said having someone to just listen helped so much. Thankfully, he’s in a much better place today.

This really resonated with me. I had a family member self delete last year, he was 16 years old. It was absolutely heart shattering, but it made sense. His home life sucked, his parents are separated and treat each other like crap and used him as a means of treating each other like crap. He lived with his mom who had two kids with a different man and treated them great, his dad had a new family as well and no matter what he did, it always seemed like it was a burden for his dad to care. He was such a good kid too, played on the football team, had a sweet girlfriend, stayed out of trouble. When he passed I felt so much sadness for the pain he must’ve felt, and so much angry for the people who failed him time and time again. There’s a lot of times I wish I could’ve talked to him at least once about understanding what it was like having a hard relationship with family. He was my boyfriend’s cousin, but more like a brother to him bc of the time they spent together. His self deletion shook me to the core bc I could see so much of that pain in what I had endured, I felt like I failed him. I miss him, I miss the milestones in life he’ll never get to experience. Sorry if this was really sad, he was a good guy and I think about him often and this really hit home for me.

I have a sense of relief knowing that currently my depression is very situational. I got into a car accident alone. Head-on to a tree. It was due to a snow storm and ice underneath the snow on a hill i had to take to get to my destination. I lost my brand new car and my job in that instant. No insurance would pay because i was online for lyft and since i couldnt work, i couldnt pay for it and had to get the car taken back by the bank. I have been in a rut ever since. Not eating. Sleeping all day. Staying up night. Not taking care of my hygiene. Isolated myself from family and friends. This has lasted for the last 3 months. I just started to feel more like myself. At least i have family around me who cares too much to allow me to be by myself. They ask me to come out of my room to participate with them.❤ I am very lucky to have people like that around me. I wish for everyone to have at least one person who can do that for them. Even if they resist it. I tried to resist but i love my family and dont want their efforts to go to waste so i compromise for them. We all need that kind of support. Its crucial.

One of my classmates took his life this year(last year of high school),what Dr k is saying about trying to connect to others and belong to a group is very true.He was always trying to form friendships with everyone around him, everybody was nice to him but nobody considered him a "friend" and it think he knew that and it affected him.For a young guy to take his life so early shows how much of an issue male suicide is and how much it needs to be addresed.

Rejection, burdensomness, and hopelessness is such a great way to articulate it. I've lived it but never broke it down like that

As Marcus Aurelius said in Meditations, all we have at the end of the day is our own mind and character. Learning how to be content by yourself - without any external validation - is the ultimate goal. EDIT: “It’s you STFU and listening to the person.” Perfectly said, Preach. I’ve found that most people don’t really want to help people feeling hopeless/depressed. They just want them to perk up and act more upbeat so they don’t feel burdened by it.

ngl.. when bro started talking about the feeling of being a burden to others I felt like a deer caught in the headlights.. I've struggled with this for many years now and to hear someone articulate it so well really made me feel.. not crazy. but understood.. awesome video man, seriously.

I've struggled with this most of my life. I nearly followed through with it a couple years ago. It's rough out here when you're on your own. I have family and a handful of friends, but really I'm on my own. No one actually has my back, no one even wants to know or hear about my struggles. People would rather pretend everything's fine because acknowledging that it's not fine is uncomfortable. I'm working hard to create a purpose and make a life worth living for, but sometimes it does feel hopeless.

I know first hand men who struggled against self delete or who are no longer with us that had no illness except poverty. Drowning in it they saw no way out, no future. Poverty kills men

I think perceived burdensomeness goes hand in hand with the feeling of worthlessness. "I'm worthless, thus, I'm just a burden," and then "I'm just a burden, so I'm worthless." It's a cyclical thought. What Aba said, that just having a job, being able to contribute just a little, makes a world of difference - this is very true.

Holy fuck you 2 have hit this on the head so well. As someone who feels like this alot, you are right on the money. The burdensomeness is huge but once hope is gone that's when you start trying to delete it all. Thanks for talking about this, it is helping at least 1 person. Much love.

Exclent topic and great video as always. As a person that has felt much of what you talked about and still struggle with even with the help of therapy I feel it’s great to hear others talk about it. I’m stubborn so therapy didn’t help me as much as I hoped at first but I have found work arounds. I often had thoughts of worthlessness and I have been working on why I often feel that way. What helped me was finding ways I could feel that way. Volunteer work has been a big help and I never thought I could do anything like it but for me that changed how I view things. I started off at a local pet shelter just cleaning or helping bottle feed kittens. The first day was such a turn around for me.

what breaks me the most is being ghosted by so many of my "friends". So many of these fools came crying to me when they were at their lowest. They were suicidal and crying their eyes out and I was there for them, listened to them, helped them as best as I could. Now when I ask them for even the slightest bit of help all I get is radio silence. You can't trust anyone nowadays. All a bunch of selfish ass mfs. I don't even want friends anymore cos of this ghosting bs. So cowardly and pathetic. Would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be surrounded by trash.

There is definitely an issue with the lack of concern for men's emotional wellbeing. After we lost my husband's father to cancer and we had to cut-off contact with my MIL, for a multitude of reasons, my husband struggled with the loss of both his parents. He needed someone besides me to tell him he made the right choice in going no contact with his mom and that his feelings matter so I made an appointment with a therapist and took him there because I knew he wouldn't have gone otherwise. As someone who struggles with depression I couldn't watch him fall into that dark place. We have to lookout for each other.

I think this is one of your best videos. During covid I had similar issues, and isolated from almost everyone due to the measures at that time, I was lucky to be with my family, not just physically but mentally in my corner, checking in on me every day. Preach's advice of truly listening to them and letting them be heard makes sense, and he hit the nail on the head with why some people really devote themselves to a cause. Aba really carried across that notion of where someone's head might be at and why labelling it all as mental illness isn't helpful. Great video, as always.

Thank you gentlemen so much for having this conversation. You helped take a weight off my heart for how I have been feeling about the loss of my friend. Your ability to speak to men, about men's thoughts and feelings is truly remarkable and absolutely needed by us these days. I started watching your content for the humor but your willingness to tackle tough topics like "self deletion" is more important than you may realize. You are appreciated by so many people you will never meet and that is incredible indeed.

I had a conversation with a guy in high school who I hadn't previously met. He seemed like a great guy and was pleasant to talk to, totally seemed normal when we briefly spoke. Two weeks later...he took his own life. I've also had friends who had psycho girlfriends who threatened to kill themselves when it was simply to get attention and manipulate them into remaining in the relationship through guilt & shame. Sometimes...the ones who are quiet or the ones you'd least expect are the ones who actually go through with it.

My first time commenting on this channel after I’ve been watching for a long time. Man this hit hard for me. My dad died in 2020 when I was 16 graduating high school. There was no other father figure in my life. I had a mom and 2 other younger siblings so I am the oldest. I remember some family friends telling me to stop crying as it’s not what a man should do. Mind you I’m freaking 16 at that time. My emotions were all over the place. They told me to condor my mom instead and I should take care of her. Throwing away my own pain. Then everything went south for me when there would be family issues and my mom was making it worse for me. I’ll get reported to her family and they all made me into something I’m not. Told me always that I was always at fault for anything. Doesn’t matter if I did it or not. It sent me down a bad path and I didn’t know how to deal with it. It felt like I was all alone. Isolated in my own family, with no one to help me. I tried to talk to people but it always ended up in sex or people making me feel worse. I became something I never wanna see again. I didn’t care about living anymore. I tried to off myself multiple times but it took my little brother crying to begin with me not to do it cuz he would miss me. It made me feel worse cuz I’m leaving him a year after my dad died. So from then on I tried to battle it. I took up acting and started doing it and I fell in love with it. I got depressed last year and wanted to off myself cuz I felt like I wasn’t in the best place in my life. But I fought it and told myself that the only person who I can confide in is myself and that I’m young so shit is gonna happen. I went to therapy and I found out I had BPD but I didn’t let that control me. I wanted to change really bad. I turn 21 tomorrow and looking back on it now I’m happy I didn’t go through with it and I’m starting to feel a lot better. I’m no longer mad at the world or myself. I’m taking things slow and at my own pace. I’m gonna push through and make a name for myself. I’m still acting and still enjoying life. So my advice to anyone out there going through some shit, don’t give up on yourself and love yourself. Sex, drugs, self deletion is never the answer. You got a lot to live for. Now I just try to spread positivity through my channel and hopefully help someone out there. I’m proud of you

Thank you for covering this topic, guys. This was something I needed to listen to this week… especially after dealing with some misandry at the workplace. I have my days where it’s hard to be a man here at work. Long story short, they hate men at this place. I have gone through other things as well, even wanting to self-checkout. But that’s been something I’ve been working on for a long time. And on the other end of this, I’m helping my closest ones with this as well. Doing our best everyday to keep as whole as possible. But I know that I’m not alone. And you guys aren’t alone. We’re all here for each other as a collective.

Thank you so much for having this conversation. Man, there's so much I want to say, but I'm afraid it'll wind up doing more harm than good; just know that it's a super good and helpful video, and I appreciate you guys for putting this out there.

This really hits home for me because I struggle with anxiety and depression and it has really hindered my ability to go out and connect with people. When I go out, meeting people is not much of a challenge, it’s the ability to connect with them that really throws me off, as I tend to be very socially awkward. Plus what makes this worse for me is that it’s not always easy for me to talk about my struggles with my mental health as a lot of people don’t understand what it’s like to be in my shoes, hence they’ll get dismissive and will even shame me, calling me “weak” or “lazy.” It’s a sad reality when someone is suffering and unable to connect or find compassion from others, they can feel incredibly isolated, and it’s a reminder of the importance of empathy and understanding in creating meaningful connections with one another.

When I was 18 and going through the hardest time of my life up until then, Jordan Peterson taught me that I didn't have a mental problem I had a life problem. My life sucked. That was really freeing because it is much easier to organise your life and strive for better circumstances than it is to fix a chemical imbalance of the brain. It's been a wild ride since I made that change.

"thwarted belongingness" perfect term for it. Excellent video! This NEEDS to be discussed more!!! It's tragic and needs to be addressed. Also sooo true how sometimes people get severely depressed due to circumstances and regardless of the cause, people who feel hopeless need WAY more support.

I just wanna say really happy you guys are bringing light to these issues, i have struggled with this my whole life (and still do) and this is a belonging for me to know that we are not alone in our suffering and you both have such good back and forth in your discussions, thank you Aba and Preach

I was suicidal for a very long time. Abusive mother. No friends growing up. Went a whole 3 years where I had no friends at all, had nobody to even say hello to for weeks on end, and not a single person touched me outside of a handshake every several months. My sister attempted to rape me and my family chose her over me. Finally found a woman just for her to be ridiculously abusive after 3 months of living with eachother. I had nobody for virtually my whole life, even early childhood as my parents didn't care for me. When I did have somebody, I had an abuser. I tried to break this cycle, but it never worked out. I couldn't even go online for validation. I'm a short white guy and this was before the manosphere. When I went online all I found was half the country didn't care about me and the other half wanted the worst for me. I literally had to leave the country to get out of this. When I left, I found I was valued not by a fee people, but by a ridiculous amount. Hell, when I went to Asia I was of a normal height for once AND the women threw theirselves at me. Europe wasn't as nice, but it was still so much better than back home. All I needed was for somebody to care about me. Not to talk about my feelings, but for my life to be worth living. After that, I continued traveling, eventually found my wife, and learned so much along the way. I tell people it felt like I emotionally and mentally grew by 30 years within 5. I grew less anxious, finally understood relaxation, felt love for the first time, and grew to a place in my life where I can say not only am I happy for the first time, but it will actually stay that way too. The solution for many of us is to just leave for a little while. Find a cheap country to go to and go there for just a short time and witness how much others actually value you. Eat rice and beans for a month or two, do not go out, just work and save all you can. It's fucked how this is the solution, but holy shit did it save my life.

My 12 year old son came to me to tell me he was feeling this way. I can't even type what he said because it hurts so bad, but he just let me know all he was feeling. I connected with him and told him I understand he feels the pressure of starting middle school and fitting in. I told him it's OK to feel frustrated, upset and just overwhelmed. As a parent it's SO HARD TO KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! On one hand I take it extremely seriously but I also know how detrimental it would be if I called a doctor and then he gets labeled and then the entire process that would come about in the aftermath of getting others involved. But I know I felt feelings of overwhelm as a preteen myself and I too had the strange hard feelings. I connected with him to let him know yes, what you feel is real just don't act on it. You hear people casually talk about self deletion. And I told him many of your peers may even feel similar to what you feel. Kids have it hard too and it's just so common to hear suicide. I wish there were a new word for that hopeless feeling. Because "suicidal" is a bit of a catch all feeling with a very heavy consequence.

@5:06 nailed it on the head! Hearing you explain it like this just makes sooo much sense to me now as an adult and wondering why I never had the 'strength' to go through with it. Also might explain why I can so vividly remember people commenting on my personality about having an optimistic mindset. That was literally why!!, and everyone was pointing it out to me, and after 20+ yrs, it finally clicks.

"You have a right to feel the way you feel, (it doesn't mean that you are right.)" - and to that I say, "Amen." Having a few issues I've dealt with over the years, (and even currently) similar words from friends of mine have pulled me from dark places. Thank you for repeating that @AbaNPreach , because sometimes that subtle affirmation is enough. A tear hit my eye at that wisdom, because my own friends were kind enough to give me that reminder in the past. Hearing it helps me again in my current situation, so from my heart, thank you!!!! Thank you for tackling this tough subject!

My boyfriend struggles with this. It's heartbreaking. He's 33, and he has no real friends.. no one that he really cares besides me and maybe his father. He was so ashamed that he lied to me about having friends for 2 years. Now he's doing a lot better.. and I'm trying my best to make that change.. But I can't imagine what he would do if we ever breakup.. which I hope never happens, but if it did happen i don't want him to kill himself over it.

This topic hits close to home for me. Because I'm about a month out from a when I when I attempt. The only thing that stopped me was my daughter looking for me. You see I had it in my mouth, I was ready. I heard it coming up the stairs but I couldn't. I couldn't let her be the one to see it. She was a reason that saved me. I know it was selfish to even get that far but I couldn't take any more. The feeling of worthlessness, and the burden that I was putting my family through. That pain is still there, and I'm getting help for it. Theirs always someone to listen, because sometimes you have to find them because they can't find you. Hopefully this helps someone

I love Dr. K's work. I've been watching him for quite some time now and seeing him getting more attention is amazing. I love that you guys are spreading this important information, too. Thank you for that. 🙏🏻 Preach put it very well when he said that he's listening, validating the person's feelings, and directing them to a professional. That's exactly what you're supposed to do. Don't try to fix them, just be there and help them get professional help.

17.25 that’s what a felt aba just a year ago “burdensomeness”, “lack of connection”, “useless”, “hopeless” these are some really tough feelings and thoughts to express! I feel for all who are in that situation right now!

Men aren't allowed to suffer. We had two groups at a local support center. A young men's group and a women's group. Both had their own timeslots and their own spaces. Guess which group thought it was dangerous to allow the other group to meet? The young men's group was then not allowed to gather at the support center anymore after that.

I'm a woman and I know this post is about men, but as someone who struggled with self deletion, burdensomeness and hopelessness.... everything you guys said is true. I still in some ways struggle with the latter two but I hope for any man who struggles with any/all of these are able to get the help and support they need. 💙

Thank you for covering this topic. I hope this helps people to have more understanding & compassion for people who are faced with invasive thoughts and are living in dificult situations. 🙏 My mother (+ others I've known) committed this act, so it's great to see you promoting awareness of this humanitarian crisis and encouraging people to be more mindful about the subject.

My older brother, may God rest his soul, he unalived himself nearly 5 years ago had bouts of schizophrenia and paranoia. He suffered through these issues, and was afraid to seek help. I still think about it to this day, he was his happiest the day he passed. He said he’s going to be lit and have fun. It’s a shame I found him the way I did later that night. Check up on your loved ones. I did and it was still not enough.

Sometimes being there for someone isn't enough. They have to want (at least a little bit) to climb out of that hole. I spent a year trying to help someone and all I accomplished was the ruin of my own health. They wouldn't agree to professional help or any help at all, they would write these "comforting fantasies" where the character who wanted to unalive themselves would be the center of attention and would keep hurting themselves while people who care about them drop everything and watch them day and night to make sure they're alright but in the end the character always managed to self-delete. This scared me so much that I had to step back because I couldn't deal with the thought that they might go through with it and I'd have a front-row seat to it.

Man! Aba said hopelessness and that hit me like a truck. My mom got Breast Cancer for the 3rd time when I was in my Senior year of College. This was after one of my cousins received news that they had Stage 4 terminal cancer. She fought it off and is still around, but doctors will tell you that is very rare. The mentality behind breast Cancer is 3 strikes your out. For 2 weeks, I felt that hopelessness after hearing the news about my mom. I didn't feel the other 2 factors that he had mentioned, but hopelessness was the only way I could describe my mentality. I skipped class for 2 weeks and was putting myself in rough shape for graduation, but I didn't care. Nothing in that moment mattered except what was essential to survive. Which was work and my wife. It was only through the encouragement of my wife to get back to class because it was a necessity did I start getting back to class. Hopelessness sucks. If you are experiencing that emotion/mindset, reach out to someone for help or just to talk. Staying in that pit of despair is not healthy and only leads to worse things.

Don’t let people tell you the lie that male self-delete is increasing because of “toxic masculinity”or “men not taking enough”. Every article I’ve seen about male self-deletion in the last decade makes that claim, that men “not taking enough” or “men telling other men to ‘man up’” is the main reason. Those are incredibly minor factors compared to alienation. As someone who has worked on the mental health field for 20 years, it’s mind-numbing how little progress is made with male mental health. The funding gap is huge, way less funding for male programs and services. Similar to how female homeless shelters get over 10X the funding of male shelters, despite males making up 85-90% of the homeless population. Glad you guys are covering this.

Wow,this one hit home!! Thanks for touching on this this topic!!

Darn that social media bit hits so close to home. Unplugging is such a tough thing to do when you've been tapped in for a long time, and that requires help to do. Immensely too. Man!

something that's hard for some people to accept is that for some people life can be absolutely awful while nothing is wrong with them.

I lost a friend to self deletion in 2023. All I think about is how i should of been there for him more. I think of how I could see him slowly fading and I felt like I couldn't do anything to help him. Dont ignore your male friends/family members. They need us, they need support, and they need to be able to cry, they need their parents, they need to be loved just like any other human being.

Super glad you guys are bringing more attention to this. VERY important conversation.

I actually appreciate you guys covering this topic. I suffer from the same things and I agree 100% hope really is the only thing keeping me alive. I know there are others out there that feel the same thing. Just know I’m with you and I hope you make it out of the war you are having with yourself. I’m rooting for you. 💪🏽

Young me relate to this. Not being able to connect with anyone really messes you up

I definitely feel y'all on this one; when I was diagnosed as degeneratively ill and my friends didn't want to be around a sickly+ and dying person at our age I had a hard time justifying continuing to live because I'm only a parasite on my loved ones. I still struggle with that guilt but am just too cowardly and stubborn to pull the trigger. lol The worst part is that you can't tell professionals about it because they immediately try to commit you and that just makes it worse. Thanks for talking about this so maturely guys most people don't get the logic behind the decision.

I think one of the most helpful things I've learnt in life when talking with someone about any of this stuff, is exactly what you guys have said here. "I have no idea how hard that must be, you have every right to feel how you are" validating someone's emotions is one of the most powerful gifts you can give in those moments. It doesn't glorify self deletion, it helps them to not feel like they're even crazier. It helps them to not feel so alone. Sympathy is offering the ladder out of the pit "it will pass" Empathy is getting down in the pit with them and just keeping them company while they're there.

Man this gave me so much perspective on my mind/mindset and my own personal issues this is by and far one of this channels best videos and it only works because they both take a real pragmatic consistent approach to topics that give a certain sense of familiarity and allows this convo to happen without shame or judgement! Thanks for the hardwork Aba and Preach 🙏

I feel this, I am actually depressed I'm 24 don't really have a career but when I tell people about it, it feels like I get "oh that's sad" or "it will get better". I wake up everyday with nothing to live for or achieve because I've grown up being told I'm worthless and basically too stupid to do anything. I've unfortunately gotten to the point I really don't see any meaning and find life over all pointless and in finding less and less of a reason... To care anymore.

I relate to this so much. I had a lot of family members and people to talk at school. Although I always injore or a bore to them. Most of my interactions with people were them laughing at failures as a kid. They used to say 'your not good at anything.'And that shit stuck in my head. It froce me to stop trying in all areas of life and just delete myself. There's obviously more things, but what helped me was making an effort to connect with the people who appreciated me from the jump. My girlfriend definitely helped as well.

I struggle with these things daily tbh, especially after my partner died, lack of hope or seeing any way for positive change, feelings of burdensomeness, the consistent rejections and inability to connect. I have to fight myself daily to make sure I don’t take that way out, and that’s even with regularly seeing a mental health professional. I’ve won the fight so far day by day, which is about the only thing I can say I feel proud of myself for since I feel like an utter failure with basically everything in life at every turn, and I’m going to continue doing my best to not fall into taking that decision, but god damn is it difficult a lot of the time. Hell, when I’ve tried to talk to people I care about about this (because I’ll be honest, pouring my heart out to people that get paid to listen doesn’t exactly feel good), I’ve gotten yelled at and basically made to feel bad for “talking that way”. The main reasons I’m still here is not wanting to further hurt my loved ones like like mother, or leave my pets alone and confused, and that I fear oblivion (not death, oblivion, the idea of possibly simply ceasing to exist scares the hell out of me). Hell, I’m a man with BDD (on top of other disorders and disabilities which I never wanted, which is probably why people who glamorize disorders is irritating) and having that as a man tends to get you turned on, even by people who claim to want to help these things. Im in poverty, but due to various reasons, Im unable to crawl myself out of it. Beyond just my own personal issues, I’m increasingly seeing the world getting more and more hostile, feeling less and less wanting to be hear, but I keep chugging along simply because it’s a decision you can’t take back. I’m not even on social media beyond RU-vid, life just sucks. All I want in life is some cold hard evidence that there will be opportunities for me to actually make my life better, but there aren’t really ever any indications of that, and on rare occasions that they seem to present themselves, the other shoe drops. I don’t really see any scenario in life where life will be better or even tolerable, but I keep trying to move forewarn because I don’t feel I have any other choice, even if part of me wishes every single day that it would end while I’m asleep or something.

I follow your videos for 2-3 years and this is one of the best videos i've ever seen on this platform all love to you guys I feel like you talked out of so many souls who be going through some of this and it really helped me personally

As someone who's struggled with Suicide ideation (mainly derived from childhood trauma). I can say that when you hit rock bottom, sometimes the only logical thing to do is "fall asleep and never wake up." There's nothing wrong with me physically, but mentally, I've fought wars while also having to face the harsh reality of being in a society that consistently tells you that I'm not enough. Faith and hope for a better future keeps me from committing the ultimate sin. Anyone suffering from suicidal thought, I beg of you to find something you really enjoy and focus on that. It's not easy, not supposed to be, but it'll be worth it. Life is full of Ups and Downs. We all have issues in some capacity. How we address the situation is what defines us. I love yall. God loves you, and there's someone in your life who cares dearly for you I'm sure.

When there's a lack of purpose or true meaning in one's own life, this also attributes to self deletion.

This video was a huge W! So deep and introspective,.and so much truth to it. I love you guys for this content!!❤

Wow! Thanks, Aba, for explaining that. I really needed this video.

“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth”…

Watched this entire interview with Dr K, and his work is so underrated. He needs more attention and people need to appreciate what he's trying to do. Dude is trying to save people who think their lives are worthless. That's a really noble effort.

Aba is referring to the Joiner interpersonal theory of suicide which states that an individual will not die by suicide unless they have the desire to die and the ability. The desire to die is made up of two psychological states of mind including perceived burdensomeness and a thwarted sense of belonging leading to isolation. While ability refers to the capability of overcoming one’s sense of self preservation. These 3 factors thus together increase suicidal action.

I'm a 38 year old male that used to have it all before I became disabled. After years of chronic pain and chronic illness to no avail, with seemingly no end in sight, I am beyond depressed, beyond lonely, and most definitely have all 3 traits of a man that has attempted and have thought about attempting again you know what because I am truly suffering day in and day out. The only reason I'm still here is knowing what not being here would do to my family and the fear of God's punishment.

Isolation hits extroverts a lot harder than Introverts. Isolation doesn't feel good for anyone but introverts has a much higher tolerance.

my aunt died last year. i was very close with her. she was like a second mother to me. and i had to mourn for her by myself because no one really checked up on me and asked how i was holding up. i was there for my mom and family when they couldn't handle it but i felt like i had no support system for me. (single, no kids). then a few months ago, my best friend nearly killed himself and i had to talk him out of putting the gun to his head. my point is people need support from those who are suppose to be their support. something as simple as a phone call or a message to ask "how are you doing" can really make someone's day and drive away those thoughts of suicide and depression.

I know from dealing with a lot of societal pressures as of late stemming from a financial and physical aspect these things have had an impact on my mental health and made me go through the exact mental process abba was speaking of in that exact order. The conclusion I came to in my head is that I feel like a burden to everyone, I don’t have a stable support system and don’t have many people I can speak to about the way I feel without feeling like I’m being patronized, belittled, or wrong about the way I feel and sometimes for me and people who think, or feel in the same way or are in a similar situation as I am we don’t want answers we just want to be heard, and understood and to know if what we feel is valid. To simplify I don’t advocate for everyone to go here and be unlicensed therapists attempt figure out your friends problems but just listen to what your friends want to vent sometimes it’ll help more than you know. Oh and to all my real ones like preach who are supportive thank y’all for being understanding ✌🏾

Preach is touching on what it means to have empathy (sitting with/acknowledging the person and their pain) vs silver lining everything trying to force a solution without giving space for the person to process their feelings. The world constantly moves forward when you're feeling stuck in your pain. Sometimes having someone simply *see* you can help the person see themselves and take the steps to get themselves out of the hole when they're ready.

Its that men don't wanna show any weakness because most of the time they won't be taken seriously. And after a while of cropping up your emotions your just reaching your limit

I’ve tried to explain this to people before.. like my father, or when I was in rehab my therapist. I’m like wouldn’t you be depressed and shit goes wrong? There’s nothing wrong with me.. sometimes bad things happen and it takes a while for me to come back out of it.

One of the take aways I received from this is every major move in a persons life is reasoned out of perspective. We make permanent decisions from temporary situations and it’s so unfortunate because nothing is permanent. The good times end as well as the bad times. It’s a matter of perseverance and perspective. You might get rejected from a group. Find a new group. Some people may find you as a burden. Find other people. However, hopelessness is perceived. As long as you live you can rebuild. It may not be want you expected. It may even be exponentially difficult, but don’t quit on yourself or self-delete. If you haven’t heard someone say they love you know there is someone that does. Please don’t rob someone of the opportunity to appreciate you. I may not know you but that doesn’t stop me from saying I love you and I care for you. Please live.

Dr k mentions a perceived inability to change one's circumstance, I'd say that's a long winded way of saying hopelessness. It's the same picture. And both of your points on social media is spot on. It's worse for kids cause they don't have the tools necessary, but abas point about adults being just as bad because they may have the tools, but they don't know how to use them properly.

Thank you for this. I was really needing this to better understand and encourage my partner. He lost his job 5 months ago and he just isn’t the same man. He’s lost so much along with his job and now he’s pushed away his family and friends because he’s become grumpy and mean at times. I’ve stuck around and tried to give financial, emotional and mental support but he won’t accept most times. I have to remind myself daily it’s not about my feelings and just sitting with him and listening.

Something to expand upon regarding topic is that a frequent cause of all these problems is an unhealthy amount of self-preservation. The reason a lot of people are lonely and find themselves in these scenarios is because they're afraid of being hurt and have been told by society that they're fundamentally evil for wanting to seek connections with people. As a result, they end up being too guarded to seek out relationships because they fear social prosecution.

it comes from climbing so high and then having the floor ripped from under your feet, been there, stay strong boys

Preach! I agree with your points and you set them out so eloquently! Then comes the gun!! Shot down! He didn't understand your point. Age does matter at how you deal with things and the many choices available. As a child if you're confused about reading roots or seeing something on a website you're kinda isolated in how you find truths but as an adult if you're confused you have access to help etc without having to go through a parent to get the help you might need ... cos you might feel burdensome to your parents... why does he have to shut you down I really related to what you said and he's response was from a different pov. Apart from that I thought the whole video was thought provoking in a deep and really interestingly explored way.

That 'some depression comes from circumstances' thing you said Aba is so true. When I was in secondary school (high school for y'all, although confusingly my school was named Shirley High School) it was the most depressing time of my life, and that seemed to melt away literally on the first day of college (which over here means something different, we call university what you call college) simply because everyone was too mature to be running around wild creating the environment where you have to look over your shoulder and people poke you with metaphorical sticks. So I know for a fact what you said is true.

Thank you for covering this topic. This is what I am seeing with my husband. He only recently said to me I think I'm depressed and felt hopeless1 week ago, he got a diagnosis. It turns out He was diagnosed with chronic heart disease, which correlates with a depression. He is feeling so hopeless right now. He knows that I have lost my entire family, yet he worries about me. My nephew, to self deletion. My brother passed away from a heart attack. He was also depressed. My sister struggled with mental illness and also passed. The difference is that women have their circles, their friends, their family, and we talk. Men truly suffer in silence. I know my husband did for a while now, especially as we are aging. Please get help if you are struggling. You are not alone.

I'm glad Preach specified listening vs waiting for a rebuttal. I make sure when folks are venting to ask do you want me to listen or give advice. Sometimes my friends or family can figure out the issue on their own and just want to get it off their chest. What I would hate to do is to give advice and block them from releasing their frustration as keeping it in can lead to self deletion.

I think Doc wanted to open the table for discussion. I wouldn't harp on the specifics when this subject has many variables to touch on. Let's continue to create more solutions where people can experience peace and a reason to live with value⚡️🖤💪🏾

A lot of these men who end up self deletion have a rough upbringing, OR gone through an event/s that was traumatic enough that led them to believe ceasing to exist is better than to carry on living. Just because there is no definitive clinical term for this, that doesn’t mean really there is no cause behind the self deletion

The stigma of men being defined by nothing more than bringing home money means as soon as women started making money we lost our identity... Which is pathetic. Men can obviously do better than just bring home the bacon

When I was cutting, I remember feeling like I was alone and didn’t matter. Its tunnel vision especially when you didn’t learn or see how to handle strong emotions. As i’ve grown and had more struggles in my life. Now that i’m stable home, I see that I wanted “OUT” of my feeling, out of this world and my life . Thankfully I was too afraid of death to go through with self deletion. But I did drink my severe emotions away.. which i’ve grown from. I have to learn that my failures aren’t my whole being, it’s just a fraction of my life. Look y’all it’s okay to be scared but you need to face your feelings and learn to feel and know it’s a fleeting moment in your life journey.

Aba you were on point...for sure. Feeling like youre a burden along with hopelessness is a recipe for disaster. ❤❤

preach always so wise. as someone who used to battle with kermit sewerside thoughts, it went from me being a burden and unable to progress in life and then when i finally did i said i had done everything i wanted to do in life, experienced everything there was to experience. i realise living through the suffering and for the sake of seeing tomorrow, at least right now is the best remody i have. ive made a new friend group, and done new things. still am looking at the past and living with old traumas. used to live in my room for 7 years with no physical ailment that was the cause, my family/extended family always just smeared their oblivious optimism on me which made my feelings of guilt only weigh down on me more. every day id look outside and say tomorrow ill do this and that and then the next day would come and id say the same things over agian. sewerside can be an answer, but suffering can bring better days.

1:30 he said some real stuff right there and I myself go through that a lot. trying to connect with others but constantly rejected. I try to belong but always feel rejected or thwarted by those I want to be friends with. Often times I feel extremely lonely, like theirs something inherently wrong with me that I deserve to suffer for because If I was a good person I would belong to a group and not be rejected. It's very hard. I often dream about deleting but trying to find hope, courage, or faith helps me face each day.

yet another good dissection of a topic which society chooses to avoid or ignores in the hope that it will just go away or fix itself.. My personal realization is that peace and happiness are found inside oneself. Not from the outside; regardless or inspite of what that is; good or bad. Granted it's harder to apply than it sounds but its really that simple. Sidemote: did anyone else notice the change in Preach's voice in this video ? It sounds deeper than it usually does.

I am a women but this is EXACTLY how I felt in middle school. I was ugly and had no friends in any of my classes, it really gets to you, I was not a sad person, I was sad with my situation. I felt rejected by everyone and isolated from the world .

Dr. K. Hell yeah. I wish he had a bigger platform. It really seems like the algorithm is against him. I'm subscribed to him and never see his videos in my feed.

Cut to the video that ShoeOnHead did about men loneliness, where men in the comments were being vulnerable, and the negative reaction they got from femcels/misandrists. Of course, there is truth that society doesn't allow men to be vulnerable, but it always defaults to blaming stoicism, and men not wanting to seem weak, when a bigger aspect of it, is simply nobody cares. That's why men don't open up and decide they're done and end themselves... it isn't a cry for help like with women, it's a final action when a man decides to do it, there's no "failed" attempts

You guts take this piss out of a lot of stuff for comedy value, but this video is such an intelligent, both socially and emotionally and taken from an extremely respectful point of view. Massive amount of respect for you guys for this. Hitting the marks for the every man

in my lowest moments where i think id be better off not existing at least i can see people going through the same and i know im not alone and not insane,thanks for thw video i really needed it today