Welcome. My name is Maria Davids. Lets have conversations in the comments section. For promotion and collaboration contact tymmie001@gmail.com Instagram:Mariadavids #childfreebychoice #childfreelifestyle #childfree #blackcommunity
the fact how she openly said she lost her marriage by having a child, honestly this is so refreshing to hear because we get told to have a kid and it will make the men more responsible but honestly it's the opposite
You’re also told the man is the one to have a family with but as you see he can’t handle family. So you want to guess why they made that lie??? The nuclear family they call it. Lol. Who wants to know why?
As a child of a mother that didn’t want children.. don’t have kids if you don’t want them… don’t let anyone pressure you into it. You’ll screw that kid up sooo much 😂
Hi there, i myself do not want to birth children and I’ve not made a decision about wanting them yet. However should i ever by mistake get pregnant, because somehow sometimes that may happen, i am going to love the hell out of my child and take care of them and their mental health, they will never feel unwanted. I feel just because you don’t want kids, doesn’t mean should it happen, you’ll be bad. As an adult you take responsibility and suck it up, don’t put your disdain into that child, that child needs to grow feeling cared for despite your feelings. I agree no one should be pressured into have children on purpose. But if you don’t want kids but have one by mistake, you can’t project onto them. Ever. And not all of us will screw them up, we see plenty of people who want and love kids, screw their kids up.
@@AbigaleKirsten umm. Hi. My comment wasn’t talking about having an ‘oops’ or accidental child. It didn’t have anything to do with that. My comment was referring to my mother that didn’t want children and had me to appease other family member.. they thought, she’s a woman.. she HAS to have children and be a mother. So she did. And I’m the result of that. Turns out she REALLY didn’t want children and abandoned me with my father as a newborn and moved to a different state. I’m just saying don’t allow yourself to be pressured into having children based on what family or society has to say about it. Sorry, thought my comment was pretty clear but obviously wasn’t.
@@jenelizabeth7822 your comment is clear but the ‘screw them up’ isn’t the full result of not wanting to have kids. There are people pressured into it but never screwed the kid or abandoned them. But yes i agree, no one should be pressured, forced or told ‘it’s their duty’. In western counties though, it’s become A BIT lenient, but unfortunately in some other countries it’s still a practice.
People who have kids don’t bother to think about that us childfree by choice women definitely have thought long and hard about whether or not we want kids. I always thought about if i even had the desire to be an actual mother. And my answer was no. Plus, i’m not affectionate and have a hard time being open with my feelings. I’m definitely not the type to comfort people because i’m too awkward around emotional people. And a kid definitely needs affection, ways of love to be shown to them along with alot of attention. Just horrible with all 3 of those things.
See how quickly her husband left her when things got hard!? Ladies please be careful and understand men aren’t really reliable when making big decisions in your life.
That's just her (ex)husband. I know couples where mother required medical help for a long time, and fathers did well caring for children, taking care of their wife and work. Sure, it was very hard on them, but let's not be sexist, loyal men are out there.
Just got a message this morning from our housekeeper. She going to be late because the father of her boys who was supposed to pick them up is playing pickle ball and doesn’t want to leave. She has to drive the boys to the next town to drop them off to him. That’s the kind of crap women have to put up with. Here she is on a Sunday working 7 days a week and he is playing pickle ball.
Wow. That's why married women and married mothers are called single married women and single married mothers. The husbands stay on vacation mode before and after the kids
My 4 kids are the greatest blessings of my life, they make my heart full and I don’t sorry because God has been good, he will protect the like he has always protected me.
I thank all the brave women for being honest about the pros and cons of motherhood. I knew from the age of 9 I didn't want kids when I saw a childbirth video in my health class, but when I was about to get married, I sat down and made a list of the pros and cons of motherhood for me. My CONS list was a mile long, but my PROS list had 5 items. So, NO KIDS for me. I have never regretted my decision. I just turned 50.
Wow, that was so wise of you. And congratulations on your 50s🎉 just out of curiosity, how many cons and pros did you have? And would you mind sharing some of them? Also, how did your husband, family and community react to your decision?
@dearbrave4183 My husband was initially on board with my childfree decision, but 4 years into the marriage, he changed his mind. I actually did get pregnant, but aborted it immediately. When I told him he became furious with me, so we got divorced. When I said childfree, I meant childfree. Anyway, he got with another woman and became a father. That baby wasn't even 4 months old and he tried to crawl back to me. He was over being a father just that fast. In any case, I just laughed at him and threw him a box of diapers. It was so satisfying. My family was fine with my decision to be childfree. My older sister is also childfree, but my oldest sister had six kids, my older brother has 4 kids, and my younger brother has 2 kids. I have enough nieces and nephews. My family is very chill and doesn't trip like that. We support each other in our life decisions. Two of my nieces and one of my nephews are talking about being childfree as well. As far as the community, I have gotten some shocked reactions when people find out I am childfree, but they don't say anything mean. I guess because they can tell I am a black woman with strong boundaries who takes no sh*t. People always know who they can clown, and I am not the one. As far as my pros and cons list, here are some: PROS 1. Having a cute little baby to play with and nuture 2. Social acceptance 3. Passing on wisdom and knowledge 4. Watching a child discover and grow 5. Maybe the child will be a positive catalyst for making the world a better place CONS 1. Pregnancy and childbirth 2. Loss of sleep 3. Loss of freedom 4. Very expensive 5. Being abandoned by the father to be a single mother 6. Growing apart from my husband because we now have a kid between us 7. Career advancement severely curtailed 8. Expense of childcare and uncertainty of having strangers watch your kids all day 9. So much danger for kids in the world 10. Climate change 11. Bullying 12. Horrible school system I could go on with the cons, but you get my drift.
@@Childfree334thank you so much for sharing the story. I'm especially inspired by how you stuck to your convictions on not having children. My favourite show is Bojack Horseman and the one storyline I live for is the one where chidlfree Diane discovers that she is pregnant and swiftly aborts, doesn't even second guess. Being childfree is not something one should every compromise on. You know if you're the child rearing type or not. I'm the latter and feel blessed to have been with my husband for almost 17 years without children and with no intention to change that.
@@Childfree334 thank you for sharing your story!❤️ I screenshoted and saved! I am sure your husband would have equally left, if you had kept the child, just like he did to the other woman. Your determination is admirable! I wish more women were more secure in their decisions and were willing to let go of the man if necessary. Sadly, many previously child free women have been guilted into having children just to keep the man, only to be left afterwards.
I’m 39 childfree and single, I always tell ppl when they ask if I will regret not having kids…I may regret not having them but I WILL regret struggling.
I'm in my 40s, childfree, and have had a hysterectomy - which I had to fight to get because "I might change my mind". Not only did I *NOT* change my mind, but I'm still angry at the doctors who wouldn't do the surgery in my 30s, causing my medical problems to get much, MUCH worse. Thinking that women don't know their own minds ruined years of my life through haemorrhaging, chronic anaemia, and trips to the emergency room. Then I nearly bled out on the operating table because they left it so long. If you don't have a burning desire to have kids, don't listen to the naysayers.
The part where this is so bad is the fact that her husband left her. This is a tremendous factor. Men are so easily able to walk away and feel nothing. How horrible. It takes two people to have a baby, but do they care? The selfishness is outstanding.
@@sm.9599exactlyyyyyy then have the audacity to piss and moan about a few hundred bucks a month in child support, IF THAT, and really wanna call it oppression. It’s pure delusion.
I walked away without feeling anything and I was a mom. I did not want children to begin with. Then I discovered I had been used for my uterus. My job was done the minute he popped out. I gave him and his mom a son. So I let them keep their son and walked. I then paid child support. It's not just a MEN thing, so cut that garbage out. Plenty of moms walk too.
As an over-thinker… I already realized this WITHOUT having kids…I figured all this out by watching my mom be a single mom and watching the patterns of others.
You are a very smart and observant person. I also figured out marriage and motherhood were not in my future by watching my own mother and other women in my community. Sheer misery 😢😢😢
I think that women need to actively plan for worst case scenarios if you choose to have children. If you do not have a grandparent home base, and a set of committed godparents then you do not have enough of a social support system IMO to have kids. You could literally have the perfect husband, the perfect kid, the perfect life and a car crash could completely change all of that.
Exactly and we should normalize having honest conversations with our support bases before having children. I was a lost, young single mother of two who are now 27 and 30. I told them to live their lives but do not bring me no babies to have to raise due to your poor life planning. I’m 49, finally I have time to even figure out who I really am on a deeper level. I’m happy and thankful to not be a grandmother yet because I’m still traumatized by being a young single mother. For the slow..of course if a baby was in tow you know I’d be the happiest most involved as the parents wanted me and needed me to be grandmother because now I’m fully aware of what NOT to do whilst raising children so of course I would play that role lovingly and thankfully. They wouldn’t even need daycare in the most vulnerable years as I’m a nurse , I do not trust people like that learned the hard way, so I can work nights or even work just weekends to free up my weekdays and care for the baby during the day….just not right now. Also I’m over people saying that all kids are gifts as some can be little tyrants, tbf that can often be linked back to the parenting. It’s the same for when people think all old people are these sweet folk handing out golf sized peppermints to two year olds subconsciously trying to weed out the weak. I need a vacation.😂
1% of the population is born as psychopaths. 1 in 100 children is just born evil. The movie "We need to talk about Kevin" shows the life of a mother of a child that is a psychopath. It's almost like a horror movie because that child is so cold and mean. But sadly that's a reality.
Your exactly right! I don’t have my dad or his side of the family, I don’t know who he is at all.. my mothers mom passed a couple years ago and her father died when she was 13 .. my mother is an ex addict and narcissist .. i figured I could still have a family but I wasn’t thinking about “support” it’s hard because my daughter wants family but I basically have none.. smh I guess I didn’t learn before because the state took my eldest child while I was in foster care and when they terminated my rights the judge said “ if I was to give you back your child and something happened to you where would your child go” and I honestly couldn’t answer that smh .. I was so drowned by depression of missing my first child that I slipped into wanting a child 8 or 9 years later .. my child DID help my depression, I quit cigarettes, we eat healthy so I have gained but it’s scary being alone with a child and of course expensive..
See, it should be law that when you have a man's baby, the hospital delivery bill goes directly to him. Your body has already been paying for almost 10 months...
They should make that law for real. I bet you wouldn't see them dropping babies in every woman and leaving single moms all over the place. It will immediately hold them responsible..well at least financially.
@@CordeliaWagnerclearly she's talking about America where we cant afford prenatal care, hospital births and now can't get abortions when we don't want or cant afford pregnncies or kids.
It should also be a law that if you don't want to chance pregnancy, then just stay away from men. You don't have to give them access to your body in the first place to get you pregnant. See how that goes? I am all for women's empowerment, but we also need to take responsibility for our own reproductive choices. Celibacy and/or abstinence are options. If you must have s3x, vibrators and other s3x toys exist for a reason.
@@Childfree334I wish people were a bit more educated before saying stuff like this. I’m all for birth control for both genders because clearly women are blamed for having eggs and getting pregnant when men have sperm and usually get their partners pregnant even with the use of female birth control or condoms
Having a child is not something to take lightly or romanticize. It’s something you think about intensively and extensively. It’s also not something you do with just anyone. You have to seriously consider the kind of parter you have, your circumstances, finances, etc. I remember my sister and her bf were thinking about having a baby. I gave them a cane corso puppy to take care of for a bit. They could barely afford him (vet, grooming, plus he needed training) and had very little time to commit to him. He was very noisy and extremely active too. Well they haven’t talked about kids since.
@CordeliaWagner he's fine lol. I was fostering him, so I let them take him for almost 6 weeks while we were waiting for an adoptive family. He was taken care of, but it made them realize they weren't read for a baby. He's in his forever home now.
Good one. I realized I wouldn't handle motherhood when I adopted 2 cats, while living alone in a one-bedroom flat. I lasted about 5 months before I gave them away, cause they drove me completely insane.
One of the things that shocks me is how many women don't even "see" their own Mother. My Mother sacrificed every day for me. This is why I am CF. I know what my Mother did for me and my siblings. She wanted to be a Mom, but she went through a lot. Please "see" your Mother!
My mother was divorced in 1960. My father had no interest in me, and I never saw him after I was 2 1/2. Her parents lived with us, so I had plenty of attention, but my mother had no life beyond work and family. I didn't want that. It turned out that my stable marriage ended. I tried to still have a life while raising my son. I guess I didn't do the best job, but I did the best I could and my mother did help me. My point is we can not predict the future, and if we believe we can avoid the single parent struggle, don't be so sure. I would have made different choices if I had known what was coming.
@@Lisa-mw6teyes I think we like to take ourself out of the equation and say that you never be me l. But I could some stuff is out off our control and men are flaky. My man would never and bam he is out here nevering. Luckily I had an active farther however there is no foolproof way to know if your husband/bf will be one.
That poor woman losing her marriage after having a child is terrifying to me. I'm nearly 38 and childfree by choice. My ex kept trying to convince me to have kids, and yet he QUIT work, let his mom pay his bills, and left the house a disaster for me after my own job. Even so, I'd always hear what a "great father" he claimed he'd be. Like, dude, if you can't manage the much easier role of being a bf, you WON'T be able to handle being a husband or father. So glad I stayed childfree! Life is stressful enough!
I’m just curious. How long were you with your ex and did you live together? Just wondering how long it took for you to see all that about him. I’m 32 and childfree. Even if I could afford it, or had the support, I’ve never wanted any. My rule is to date/ live with someone for a year first before any permanent decisions. Seems like enough time to see who a person really is and nothing makes that clearer than living together lol
I knew I didnt want kids since I was about 15 years old.. I am 40 now and I am still very happy being childfree. Pregnancy, giving birth, the lack of sleep, the worries, the messy house, the noise... F no!
Right? I left a comment here for someone who mentioned they wanted a team of boys and I wonder why? I know it might be biological, but I don't understand the strong desire beyond that. I NEVER wanted kids and still don't and i'm about to be 44.
Single, celibate & childfree. It takes a village to raise a child and I don’t have nor want one. I cut ppl off for the slightest inconveniences and a child just seems too permanent.
These videos make me even more secure in remaining child-free. It's funny that they ALWAYS need to preface by saying "I love my kids, I wouldn't trade them for the world." Yes, you would. This woman lost her independence, marriage, career, social life, dreams and goals, and savings. You're telling me a kid is worth all that sacrifice? Some mothers will say yes. I never look at what they say. I look at how they act. You can tell they say it's "worth it" because what else can they do? They can't go back and UNHAVE the kid because many would.
Lmao facts they paint it up and make it look pretty but it's not. A lot of mothers have regret and of course they're gonna say it's worth it but they look miserable. I think if more had an active father and more family help it would take the load off
This is a beautiful post with the unvarnished truth. Don't tell me something that makes you downright miserable is worth it. Actions convey the truth way more than words.
I think they say that but what they really mean is "I would prefer not to have children, but it's not the children's fault so I give my kids the love they deserve". So yes, they love them because they have to, and because obviously the kid cannot be blamed or hated just for existing, it wouldn't be fair. But the moms do abhor the experience itself. You can love your kids with all your heart and at the same time hate motherhood with all your being.
The mother of my ex, when I told her I am not giving birth to children she said: I truely understand you, if I could turn the time back I also wouldn't have become a mother to my boys. And she was not the only one told me this. And most mothers I know, are somehow struggeling with not having time for themselves. I am happy that I am childfree.
I have three kids, never regretted it. Was it difficult? Hell yes. I knew I wanted to be a mom, and I would do it again. If you aren’t ready to completely change everything in your life, do not do it.
Thank you for your honesty. Some people are meant to be parents because, like you, they go into it with eyes 👀 wide open. Many blessings to you and your kids!!! 😊
What if ur babies regret growing up? DO u ask them to do chores for u or go to work? I bet ur babies will grow up killing themselves, and u will have no babies left.
I love my son with every fiber in my body but I will never have another child unless I get a live-in nanny. It is HARD! I truly believe that society is not operating naturally. Two-parent households where women depend on men are not natural. Men DO NOT help women the way that we need. Even the good ones are not as good as they need to be. This means that women are doing all the child rearing. We are also trying to work jobs. Children are supposed to be raised in VILLAGES and COMMUNITIES with LOTS of help from MULTIPLE PEOPLE. We have allowed patriarchy to convince us that we can depend on men for everything and it’s a LIE. And capitalism has destroyed the concept of communities. Women need to be surrounded by other women when we become mothers. Patriarchy and capitalism has also broken down the community/village and has isolated women in their marriages and relationships. I remember a single mother saying she got more help as a single mom than she did when she got married because people ASSUMED that she no longer needed it. Its all a mess! We need women running this world!
So that's why women in my locality are more willing to be mothers. Where I live is a tight knit community and even though men don't help in child rearing, all the women and your parents help in child rearing.
I had sisters who didn't hide anything from me. I was religiously pushed to get married and have a child, but I knew just what having a child meant. I was in a deep depression, considered giving him up out of fear of not being able to provide. I prayed, and cried, and prayed some more. Although I was married he became absent like they all do and it was really ruff times financially/mentally. I remember interviewing with him on my chest, because I didn't have childcare. My mother spent almost 6 hours in the car so that I could go to my college orientation. I had a little support, but it takes a village. Right after having my son I swore he was it. He will be 17 September, he is a straight A honor student, and the biggest blessing God has given me. No I would not do it again.
Just like teachers and nurses, mothers are necessary but they are taken for granted and undervalued. It's been getting worse and worse but people want to pretend to be surprised that they aren't putting up with these conditions anymore. Definitely think women are kept in the dark about the real demands of pregnancy and parenting.
With bionanotechnology we should work to REVERSE AGING, and achieve LEV (Longevity Escape Velocity) so those of us who ALREADY exist (AND DESERVE to exist!) can LIVE FOREVER and LIVE YOUNG forever. And if we want to breed a few more people, then create ARTIFICIAL WOMBS so women won't suffer childbirth. We should fight to MAXIMIZE AS MUCH LABOR AS POSSIBLE BEING DONE BY ROBOTS. My biotechnology courses in community college 2007-2009 were taught by women and the vast majority of the students in the class were women. So I saw large support of bionanotechnology from women.
At first I didn’t want kids. Then, I did and I had 2. Basically raised my boys on my own they’re now 18 & 22 in college. And I made the choice to dedicate myself to being present and raising them. Now, I’m TIRED!! It is the MOST draining, ALLLLL time consuming thing to do!! And to think I wanted a football team of boys 😳😳😳😳! THAT changed after the 2! I tell anyone that will listen to not have kids!!
Hi! Thank you for your honesty! I am genuinely curious.. you said, "And to think I wanted a football team of boys!" Looking back, what do you know contributed to your desire of "wanting a football team of boys?" I am always so curious about women's desire to have children. obvi, that gene skipped me bc i have NEVER felt the desire to have children!
I will be a first time mom soon, and knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have went through with this pregnancy. I’m only 19, but I always knew I didn’t want children, told the father of my child that and he got me pregnant anyways. I’m feeling anxious, and overwhelmed by everything. This pregnancy has been challenging, and I’ve had to go through it by myself, I have my mom, but she can only do so much. Anyways I wish someone from the jump could’ve told me not to go through with this. It sounds horrible to say, but it’s how I really feel 🤦🏽♀️
@@RyuWillowsit's ok to feel anxiety. Just make sure your child never feels unwanted. Admit those feelings to other women but never to your child. I say that because my mother was very vocal about her regret having me and it has been terrible. You don't have to lie about your feelings, they're all valid, just confide in the right people ❤
@@vanessac1965 I actually had my babygirl 2 months ago, and though it’s challenging I love her dearly. And I’m glad that I had her, still wish I had more support, my mom is using again, I’m in school now and I’m just trying to push through .
I’ll say this because I’m a single mother by choice who used IVF to have my baby girl. Only have a kid when you can emotionally, mentally, physically and financially take care of one. I didn’t have my baby until I was 38 and did the things I wanted to do in my life. I have traveled extensively (29 countries) and lived/worked outside of my country of origin for 5 years. I’ve owned a home for over 15 years and I am well established in my career. My desire to have a child to nurture and take care of has always been there but I didn’t pull the trigger until I was ready. That being said I love being a mother and I feel it has brought out the best in me as a human. I am more open, understanding, patient and caring. But I know motherhood is not for everyone and im glad women can make this most important decision for themselves.
Ehh being a truly single mother is not something most women would want. Congrats on your successful birth & new baby! I hope you meet someone who complements your unique life
I was set up for IVF as well at 38 but I got pregnant naturally with my boyfriend. I was already set up to be a single mom and he is not in the picture and I am happy with that. Yes it's great having a partner however there are a lot of cons people don't realize when they have a child, no the guy might not show up and they still list the on the birth certificate. It got hard at year 3. I am a SAHM but he is going to a great preschool next week so things are looking back up. I had a great support system and money in the bank. I also waited until I was no longer selfish. I am already planning for our first trip's international in 2 years. I am excited for things to come with my mini me.
Wow. I was about to congratulate OP on her child before I read the words "I am more open, honest, patient, and caring." Those are the EXACT same things that breeders say to try and coerce childfree women into motherhood. So it took you pushing a baby out of your vagina to make you a better person? Somehow I think not. I actually feel sorry for your child. 😢
@@chideniseeSo women who decide not to have children are "selfish" according to you. You also used the disgusting breeder term "mini me." If you think your kid is a mini YOU, that kid is in for a world of hurt when he/she tries to become their own person.
@@taynahibanez9952 My mom wanted me to have kids before she passed away but my dad never cared if I did. If you don't want kids, don't do it. It's not for everyone. It's your life, not your parents.
@@misscleo_ Sure, I agree. My dad was upset, but nothing he could do about it. Lol. My mom respects cause she also can't do nothing about it. Children are not favors or gifts to others.
I would like to add that this saying, “ If you can do it, I can do it too.” …..is NOT the rule one should be using in general towards their approach in life. I’ve seen some women thrive in their motherly roles even whilst being a single Mom…and I’ve seen women struggle with Momming. We are not all built the same.
My very strong advice to women as a first time mum when I was 41 (now 43) is: Be VERY selective with who you decide to have a child/children with because they most likely will leave when they realise the financial and physical responsibility/accountability that it takes to raise children. My abusive and hypocrite Born Again Christian ex did. So yeah, even if a guy claims to be a 'good Christian' be VERY wary and take atleast 2-3 years before you even consider sacrificing your body for him.
Having a traumatic childhood definitely put me off having kids. We kids were never top priority, and my parents split before i the first born was four( brother 1). Never felt that maternal feeling or heard any biological clock. As a teenager my mum told me she regretted having kids as it got in rhe way of her ambitions and now I dont blame her. Up until i met my mum again in my teens she lived the life of a single woman and has a successful career. Whilst married my dad would use us kids to derail her career. I would rather be no mum then a bad one.
That "I would rather be no mum, than a bad one". This is why our society is full of broken people, a bunch of women pressured by society to have kids that they don't want to.
@@veronicamunoz31no it isn’t!! Our society is broken because of men! Even women who are good mothers have their children molested by some male. Men are the problem. I often wonder how this came to be that the ones meant to partner with women to raise families seems only capable of doing hateful things. You understand that bc it’s women’s natural assignment to protect children, molesting children is an attack on women. How did a woman hating creature get to exist of women are the guardians of humanity???
I had a traumatic childhood too and I think it actually helped me be a good mom. I made sure my kids felt loved and supported since they were born. Now they are grown and are amazing people who will be amazing parents themselves. The world needs all the good people it can get. My daughter just started teaching third grade and is now able to positively affect so many kids. It’s possible to break the cycle.
I’m a mother of 1 as well. While I love my daughter, I’ve been in a constant state of regret, sadness, and would’ve/could’ve/should’ve(s) for nearly 30 years - since her conception. It is also worth mentioning I was baby-trapped, which only adds to my contrition.
I was baby trapped too. Men use US for uteruses-it's never talked about. I was involuntarily volunteered for the involuntary surrogacy program, as I call it.
How are you baby "trapped" if you willingly and knowingly had s3x with a man? How were you baby trapped if you made the conscious decision to go through with a 9 month pregnancy and childbirth? Were you r*ped? Was your birth control tampered with? Did he secretly remove his condom? If not, you were not trapped.
I thought I was the only mother who felt like this. Thank you so much, so much for writing this comment. It helps and as I cry I know am not alone in these feelings.
I’ll be a first time mom soon, and I’m going through this now. I told the father many times I didn’t want children. I’m only 19, and sometimes I just wish I got an abortion, because I’m not ready. But I didn’t want to deal with the feelings of regret.
I’m a 34 male and there is tons more pressure from society for women to have kids. Seeing my friends and brothers going through divorce or financial difficulty of raising kids made me decide not to have them. Kids are awesome but if you are not financially and emotionally stable, think about it carefully, don’t romanticize it and don’t depend on them to provide you happiness.
Modern society has come to see children as some sort of status symbol or life achievement to check off some imaginary box and we have completely forgotten that becoming pregnant under the wrong circumstances and from the wrong guy had ruined women's lives for thousands of years. The fact that she lost everything, her marriage, her career, all her money just shows that women are by no means "safe" nowadays from being ruined by men and pregnancies.
I'm thrilled that more women are opening up about the truths of motherhood. For too long motherhood has been romanticized. Little girls need to understand that motherhood represented in media, Disney films and romance novels is not real. In preparation for adulthood, young girls need to understand the sacrifice, pain, financial hardship, mental and physical health risks motherhood demands. Most importantly, they need to understand that most of the responsibility for raising children will fall on her, even if the father is present. Sadly there exists places in the world where women lack the right to decide if they want to be mothers.
Knowledge is power. Women and girls deserve to know the reality of motherhood, of pregnancy and what it does to you, of what post-partum looks like because let's be honnest, once the baby is delivered people dismiss the new mothers and stop caring. It's like we've served our purpose as baby making machines and after that we're on our own... It's high time we stop considering these topics as taboo and start normalizing conversations and proper education about them.
Megan did well to share her experience. A lot of young women take marriage and motherhood for a fairytale only to become single married women and single married mothers doing all the parenting and marital sacrifices alone There's also the unspoken permanent physical damage and hormonal disruption that make life difficult. And the fear of dating because a lot of ped and abusive men are attracted to single mothers. SA is high for children raised by step fathers or mum's boyfriends. And many more things, and in my opinion if one is really objective the negative experiences of the motherhood journey are greater than the positives.
Okay this may not be a popular option but frankly I'm sick and tired of some women wining about how terrible it is to be a mother . And how they wish that they had never gotten pregnant . If you don't want to be a mother than be more responsible stop having unprotected sex . You control your body not the other way around . There are so many ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies that it's not even funny . And another thing you need to always remember ladies that this child did not ask to come into this world . Only to wind up with some wishy-washy mother who can't get her shit together . Second I don't know any woman in today's society who romantise pregnancy . Yeah they may not realize what they've gotten themselves into but trust me there will always be somebody around to give you a crash course on motherhood . The good the bad and the ugly of it and not all women struggle with motherhood but then some will . And yes children are expensive so if your one of those ladies who likes the latest and the greatest that's over . That child is your life and I don't mean until they turn eighteen you are a parent FOREVER get use to it . Lord knows it's not easy so if your not sure you can handle a child please don't get pregnant . It's not far to the child there are so many people out there that have no business bringing a child into this world . Children are a blessing but you have to be a responsible adult when you have them and understand that this child will be your main focus for the foreseeable future PERIOD . It takes patience and understanding because that little life will depend on you for everything including unconditional love . Is it worth having children absolutely they are our legacy our future . Without our children what would become of the human race .
Step up your communication skills then. Every thing in your life is a negotiation; demand more from your employer or walk to do it all alone. You decide
@@pamelacunningham7196yep. Kinda weird to be crying about how hard tis being a mama w one kid that is school aged becoming fully independent 😂😂 if you need life to be easier than that maybe get a pet fish or just quit crying about it bc God is listening
@@pamelacunningham7196 you're tired of hearing a different opinion that isn't how wonderful motherhood is , so you would rather have these women shut up so more women can get themselves into motherhood only to resent their children, instead of having regretful mothers warn the single women how difficult it is, so women can decide whether it's worth the risk? You're an incredible person. Or would you rather have a continuous generation of horrible resentful mothers who cause their sons and daughters mummy issues, because they smother and stunt their sons emotional and mental growth and mistreat their daughters turning them into traumatised and aggressive women like they are, all while saying they do all that because they love their children. And if you are worried about the human race , you should try to do your part to remedy to your worry. I saw a woman who had 50 children. How do you think society spread with only 1 man and 1 woman at the beginning? If you contributed a substantial amount of children, even if no other woman wanted to have children, trust me, you'll save the planet. So walk the talk and let others walk their talk too. Also just for your information, birth control mechanisms are not 100% pregnancy safe , they are 99% pregnancy safe. A lot of women have gotten pregnant while on birth control. Respectfully, I suggest, you mute all notifications from channels that disagree with your perspective and let no one disturb your reproduction, because if you haven't noticed, there are multiple single women who want to hear from regretful mothers and are very helpful for their honest opinion. Also, it's funny that you didn't disagree with what she said or mention that it's easier and show how it's easier. Instead you tried to guilt her, for saying the truth because it hurts your feelings and it may hurt children's feelings Well if you want to reduce the possibility of children's feelings being hurt, or your own feelings being hurt in the future, then you should be happy this information will help reduce the number of regretful mothers since less women will want to be mothers. Just simple math
@@2okaycola God is listening? Is God unaware that imprfect women make imprfect choices? You could love your child but still say how hard it is to raise them, and wish you never took that decision without measuring the cost and the consequences of your decision. If you think it's so easy, she said how she can't afford a nanny. Take the opportunity to reach out and show how easy it is. Until then, your intervention is unfounded and ignorant.
I will always be grateful to my husband of over thirty years for putting the brakes on my sudden desire to become pregnant when I turned thirty six,after not wanting them at all,up until that particularly fraught birthday.The desire for motherhood passed very quickly,and he and I continued our pleasant child free existence.We are now respectively 69 and 80 years of age,and upon occasion we have spoken of that time,just shaking our heads over the crazy biology of the female body.(It was as if being young and healthy created the urge,despite my very strong aversion to becoming a mother.)
I'm 40 and a mother to 1. I had him when I was 25. I'm still married to my sons father. If I could go back in time I would Undue everything. I do regret it all. Although I love my son to the moon and back, I had to make major sacrifices while my husband made none.
I feel like I’ve been in survival mode for the first quarter of my life. I’m now just finally getting the peace of mind that I have so diligently been trying to attain all these years. If I have a kid and marriage now, I fear that my mental health will diminish so fast I won’t even have time to realize what has happened. For me personally, if I lived in a better world, a better society, and had an amazing support system that will never turn their back on me, then hell yes I’d love to have my own family! But my reality does not align with the typical fairytale AT ALL unfortunately and I’ve made peace with that. I feel so relaxed now and like I can finally live my life in a comfortable way although the world we live in is dysfunctional asf. Childfree and singlehood is healthier for me at this time and for my well-being.
Omg I completely agree. I suffer with depression to the point of being on meds. My main reason for not having children is that i’ll most definitely develop post partum depression or physcosis.
I'm not sure what people expect when they have a child. I was a child, and I don't know for the life of me why anyone would want to deal with one, and I wasn't that bad.
I think people just want babies to have a piece of them on earth. I am childfree, but am satisfied with not having kids because it seems the bad outweighs the good. If I was a mother, I would probably be the best mother in the world. Being the best mother in the world means I would put my kids above anything. I would be extremely cautious as to which daycare I would take them to. I would make sure they are getting well balance meals. I would make sure they are respectful and raise them with morals. Just typing this is making me tired😂😂😂😂 Unless my spouse will financially and physically support our kids, I'm not having them.
Your best bet to figure out is babysit when you’re younger, I remember a lot of people that babysit when they are younger including myself,don’t have kids yet or don’t plan on having them , relative’s , even friends literally dump they kids off on me and now their the same people telling me I should have kids as if they would help take of care them lol
There is a petty part of me that I am actively working on, admittedly. When I let my pettiness flourish, I want an apology from some women in general, especially those who shamed us for not wanting kids. I'm 44 , black and I would say beginning at age 18 I felt more or less shamed for not wanting kids and saying I had no desire to. And I found the presumption that I had kids offensive , as if by just being a BW , I had to be a single mother. In my 20s, it got worse but once I reached my 30s, it came off as a judgment and that I was somehow deficient as a woman and not normal. It still did not change my mind, and for me, being alive right now to witness this mass conversation and turn around is satisfying..and affirming. I know I'll never get the apology from the hundreds of women over three decades that did this to me, the fact of the matter is that I was right even if the "apology" never comes. The admitting is an apology in itself.
I’m so happy you stuck by what you wanted and didn’t let the pressure get to you. Although you may be hurting from the pain of peoples words, at least you are not living a life of regret. 😊
That’s because misery loves company. Those same women that told you you were wrong for not wanting kids wanted you to be miserable just like them. My mother does the same. If I were to take her relationship advice, I would be a miserable single mother with three different baby daddies just like her.
This happened to me too, sis. The women in my family shamed me for wanting to be single and not having kids when "everybody else" did, and now look at them. Scrambling to get out of their marriages with 6 kids. No shade AT ALL! BUT... what works for you doesn't work for me. Vice versa.
I'm 41, black, childfree. I never have had a desire to have kids either. I still can't figure out what the appeal or big deal about having them is. They're cute sometimes, but that doesn't make it worth it to me what you have to do to concieve one, months of carrying a baby,extreme pain of childbirth, the baby's bodily functions and loud noises/cries, the costs of raising the kid, the messes they make, etc.
I never wanted to be a mother. I want my life for myself. I watched a documentary about Trisomie a couple of hours ago and how much the mothers struggle. No dad to be seen..
It was hard a f. I look back and have absolutely no idea how I pushed thru as single mom of two. I had the greatest passion ever to have a home & monies. That’s all gone now. Both grown adults each live in different parts of the country than I. The consequences of it all are immense and ever lasting. I lost that passion. I’m tired. I love each of them very much, like no other. I’m glad I can talk on the phone with them. That’s about it. Yea.
Marriage and/or children is a choice, not an obligation. You just have to be strong enough to make the choice for you and have people in your life who support your choices. There are plenty of us out there!
If you do too much for your child they will hate you when they grow up........... if you don't do much for your child they will hate you when they grow up.
I've known since age 16 that motherhood is definitely not my interest. It has never appealed to me nor will it ever interest me to prioritize any man nor burden myself with children. Life is SO beautiful & peaceful. 🤗 I keep building my money & I thoroughly enjoy my life on my terms.
I really wished these videos were around before I had my son. I knew it was going to be hard but I underestimated how challenging it would be. I’m married but I do everything. I make sure all his needs are met, I make sure all the bills are paid, (sometimes I’m the one paying all the bills). It’s just too much. Everything happened all at once, bought a house as a single woman, got pregnant a few months later, got married a week before my son was born and now I’m suffering. I’m grateful for my mom’s help but it’s hard.
Honestly with this topic it’s mostly women that bash other women for not wanting children but I barely see happy mothers so let’s be real thank you ladies for this honesty.
Misery loves company. Some women define their womanhood on their ability to birth a child for a man. Pleasing the role assigned by patriachy. Especially African women.
Whatever you decide, make sure that it is YOUR choice. Also, if you do have children, don't have anymore than you can support on your own. You never know what will happen in life.
Plz make more of these. My community is constantly bullying me for kids and marriage when finding a partner is almost nonexistent. I tried but nothing I can do! So yep!
My mother used to ask me and I finally laid it out, because A) I don't date, you've never seen me bring home anybody so with whom am I having this baby because I am not going to be a single mother. B) Are you going to help, because you have a whole grandchild and you complain about her every time you see her, and I love 4 hrs away. If you don't plan on helping why are you pushing it? The village needed to raise children has all damn near disappeared. I am under no illusion that anyone would help me because there are many a married single mother. All my friends complain about thier husbands, nobody takes care of the kids but them. No thank you
Some folks are in their egos so much and miserable that they rather convince you to join the misery club so that they can have someone to relate and trauma bond with. For those who are speaking up and telling folks what’s really real RESPECT‼️🫡❤
Everything this woman talked about made me glad i chose to be childfree. I was getting stressed and overwhelmed just hearing about her talking about it.
4:59 When she said she lost her marriage, I was like "what!" The father really dropped his wife and child like that. What happened to "for better or worse" and the man just dipped when his wife needed help.
Idk if I’m meant to be a mom but I will be a support system to mothers around me. You need a break? Let me take the kids and you have a self care day. That’d give me more fulfillment to help a mother not lose herself so she can be an amazing mother.
I don’t regret my son, but I did realize after having him I was only having one. My child also ended my marriage but for all the right reasons. It showed his true temperament and personality which was not one who I wanted to be tied to in my old age and retirement. I will say though that I made sure I was financially stable before I allowed myself to get pregnant. So when we split I had no issues supporting myself and my son while thriving. My son is so awesome, he is definitely enough for me.
I will say I am financially independent and have an emotionally supportive family very close by. My son and I love spending time together and traveling, but I know most single mothers can’t do that.
I joined the military at 20. I travelled and met great people. I got marrued at 30 and had our daughter at 32. Pregnancy was aweful, the birth was aweful. It wasnt this magical experience because I was sick and could walk from sciatica. I didnt feel emotionally attached when she was born. I felt relief that she was out. I love my daughter. She is 15 now. The thing I dont like is the constant worrying about if she will be hurt or if the World will be enjoyable. My husband was absolutely no help. My daughter already said she wasn't having kids. She said they are loud and messy. My daughter is so much fun and love to travel together. I just hope she gets a chance of having a safe life.
I’ve been child free since I was a young child. Tbh I find it hard to empathize or sympathize with mothers because I can’t for the life of me understand why they blinded themselves to the EXTREME hardships of motherhood before deciding to have children.
I would agree with you , I was childfree up until 27 but it really is never told to you how much of yourself is truly sacrificed and to be honest even if my son is grown theirs much more I will have to deal with as a result . As a mother that's living it , it's truly a miserable existence.. I didn't ask to be permanently injured , or to live with my parents , and even tried working for awhile along with my husband but affordable babysitting is hard to get at times and put us furthur in poverty.. no one deserves to be put down by your own parents while trying to take care of your own child . Nothing wrong with being child free, I sometimes wish I was. If I knew what I was signing on for in the first place would never have gotten pregnant despite the fact I do love my son .
I am childfree by choice and cheerfully say "nope, never wanted them!" when asked if I have kids. I have lost count of the women who have confessed to me that - while they obviously love their kids - if they had their time again, they would NEVER choose to become a mother. And I'm not talking about women exhausted by raising young kids here, I'm talking about women in their 40s and 50s who have finished raising adult children. I've never actually asked anyone about their family situation. These are mostly acquaintances and colleagues who just have sidled up to me and blurted it out!
So glad I’m single and child free I used to want 4 kids as a child when I turned 16 I was like no I don’t want kids here I’m 32 and I still don’t want kids
Thank God I’m single and child free. I’m sorry, not sorry, but I’m selfish. I like sleeping in on the weekends, traveling with friends, going out whenever I want to, chilling in a quiet place. I never ever have to worry about using my money on a child paying for child care, health insurance, etc. I can’t imagine having to risk my life, my body giving birth and worry about a husband who could possibly end up leaving me and I end up being a single mother dealing with a child on my own. I have yet to be convinced to why I should get married and have kids. I just can’t do it. Single and child free is amazing. Besides, I love being the fun aunt. 😂 That’s my more my calling. After spending time with their kids, I get to come back to my peaceful and quiet home. Lol 😂
It's not selfish. It's the opposite of selfish. Bringing an innocent child into this world just to conform to society's standards and to achieve the "perfect life" aesthetic without really thinking about it is selfish.
There’s a lot that needs to be discussed before marriage definitely before having kids. A big thing is me honest with yourself about your goals in a possibility of being a single parent which is a high possibility. Accidents happen people leave. Things left just happens. And having a lot of kids and then going from being partner to being a single parent of multiple kids is a lot of work. People don’t wanna talk about that they wanna keep with the rainbows and they get mad when reality hits them.
Women aren’t given that chance. Bc if they did they won’t have kids till very late and men need them go have kids very early, on the man’s timeline which is very different from the women’s, i chuckle at the obvious signs of brainwashed women like you where you’ve simply stopped thinking and accepted what you’re told as gospel, 😅😅😅
My friend has a 3 year old boy with her husband. I barely see her and she seems a shell of her former self when I do; exhausted, resigned and her boy is really whiny. I never get to see her without him as her husband works a lot so we can never have a real conversation either. I’ve tried my best to like him but I’m not very good at pretending 😂😬 and my friend knows me well enough to know that lol. You couldn’t pay me to choose that life! Hoping to meet a childfree man one day to laugh, love and travel with.
Oh you'll find a man who doesn't have a CURRENT child with him. As they abandon their responsibilities and take off after 3 years. So you can go travel with that guy since you won't even know he has a kid for months.
@@chrissyellem7397 did that happen to you? 🙈 I might consider a guy with grown up kids but if the mum is still in the picture it would depend what their relationship was like and whether the kids were nice people or not. I know the chances of finding a decent man in his forties with no kids is low and I’m not getting any younger either so I’m fine with the peace and being single over choosing anyone out of desperation!
Not that situation in particular but my ex left my son and I for the teacher next door. He became a nightmare for another 10 years towards us. He had kids with the 2nd cheater wife.@@LadyMarigoldWithers
I am someone that 90% of the time does not want kids, and only 10% of the time think it'd be nice. I am erring on the side of caution and would rather regret not having kids, than to regret having them and ending up causing their lives to be miserable. I get the typical speech of "you're young, you'll change your mind" or "it's only a matter of time" so often that I have stopped responding when people say it. My family have accepted I will remain child free, and have accepted that the only grandkids they'll see from me are of the feline variety.
She's still paying for her child's delivery- she is paying for her labor, men would REVOLT and we just accept it like yep we should be charged for our physical labor, what our bodies are made to do, men are the REAL hard workers, they charge for their labor, complicating births and everything else in the world. The work of a SAHM is worth 200k/year, ladies, and that does not include gestation, labor, and delivery, that's where it should get expensive, the wear and tear on our bodies and minds, a man with a hard labor job is paid and has full benefits to cover the wear and tear on his body, it's really, really fd up.
I’m one of those mothers who was pressured into having my son. I regret not waiting tbh. I’m fortunate enough to have my son’s grandparents and aunts and father keep him every other week. I feel drained when I have him. He wants all my attention and consumes so much food and he’s only 3 💀 I love him so much and should’ve waited til 40 💀💀💀
"Consumes so much food" I have to laugh. My son was 10 lbs 2 feet long when born. He was eating pizza at 8 months old. He was always the biggest kid in the class. He eats constantly. IT NEVER ENDS!
I'm a mother of two. I don't regret having my first, but I do my second. He is much harder to deal with than my first born. He cries all the time and over nothing. I'm honestly struggling. My bond with him was very strong at the beginning, but it is slowly waning away. I don't want to feel this, I want to love him as I did at the beginning, but he is a very difficult baby. I'm here to see if anyone else has been this way and if things got better? It makes me sad that I feel this way.
I think in this woman's particular case, the reason she regrets having a child is because of choosing the wrong mate to procreate: I mean this dusty couldn't be more supportive while the mother of his child was unemployed that she actually had to divorce him to live with her parents, and on top of that, she has to pay medical bills for giving birth to a baby this dusty loser made in the first place! Yes, motherhood is challenging, it's life changing, it's a journey unique to every woman, but a broke, useless man who doesn't really love you will sure make you hate every part of being a mother ‼
I get so sick of this "choosing the wrong mate" narrative when it comes to women. Nobody ever says that sh*t to men when relationships blow up in their faces.
YES and even men with money are monsters stop pretending, men are not capable of love, and they crack under pressure when it comes to child rearing, I have a daughter and I WILL NEVER throw my child to her father as crazy as it sounds but we live in a world where we can't trust our loved ones, they do wear masks for the mission only "put the cake in the oven"
If finding the right mate is hard, the pool of candidates were never supposed to be your mate in first place bc mates are supposed to be compatible, and things easy with them. If things are hard with the collective of males, the male population wasn’t your assigned mate. Not sure if what was conveyed well. I’m saying is the natural mate of women, or would be remarkably easy to find, remarkably easy to get along. It’s like how your body works without much difficulty. It’s because it was designed tone effortless. That’s now natural compatibility looks like. It is effortless.
The fact that her child is almost 2 years old and she's still paying the hospital bill for her birth is absolutely awful 😢 I live in Europe and paying so much for childbirth is unheard of. Even if, for whatever reason, you choose to give birth in a private clinic, the price is around €2,000. And we consider that a lot of money for something you can do for free at a regular hospital. If i lived somewhere with private healthcare only and prices so high, I would never have children. If childbirth puts you in debt, what if your child has lifelong health issues? Even just a broken arm can put you into further debt 🤢 And they STILL pressure people into having children? And make them feel guilty if they choose no to?????
Society needs to invest heavily on supporting women and children. Free childcare. Health care checks free for childbearing aged women and girls, financial support for women's charities and families. Tax cuts for families and single mothers so both group can have more money to spend on the upbringing of children. Recognition that housework is work.
Here’s a thought ladies. Start momuins. White women are starting to do it. Women should help each other. Me and my sister are in the process of buying a big house and all our kids will live there as well as our mother. And we’ll work as a team and combine our Resources. We’ve done it before and saved so much while doing it. Work together ladies!!!
Just wow. We really need to learn history. Extended family living did not start with Europeans by a long shot. It's been around for centuries in Asian,African,Hispanic and Indian cultures. 🤦🏽♀️
@@MA-wo5ykshe only said “white women” started to do it again”… maybe cause she has seen it online or whatever… what has triggered you? That she said white?
@@MA-wo5yk i swear I saw the word “again” in her statement and honestly didn’t thought about who started first… (like black or white or asian). And what I saw from your comment was just pointing out the race from where it all started, while in my opinion… this is a really delicate topic and we just should help each other’s… My bad ma’am. Didn’t mean to offend you Also English is not my first language so I understand that the word “triggering” can be somehow misleading in these times and it’s taken as an insult maybe.
I am 17 years old & I decided to be childfree by choice. I do want marriage one day,but with the right man that also doesn’t want to have kids. I want to be a singer an actress and a writer,and I really think my time and energy for kids will be -10. And i am an introvert so i love my peace and silence and my time. Also,i want to spoil my inner child,my parents,my future husband and my nieces etc I love to do exactly what i want,every day
I have put off having kids until the age of 32. I've never romanticized marriage or having kids. Now that I've got my 5 month old son. I'm not surprised at all. I love being a mom because I'm totally realistic about it. People need to wake up on the realities of life.
Im 37 childless and single. Working in My CPA and trying to break into Financial Analyst ROLE. Life isnt perfect but its great..i cant imagine rearranging my life for a baby. Waking up every 2 hours to feed , always askin for baby sitter. I love my independence and always on the go. I just never saw myself being a mother and thats ok.
The thing is people need to learn to think for themselves more and not do something simply because society expects it from them. Its your own life, no one is holding a gun to your head1 Yet (on a slightly different topic but a similar one that you are only allowed to be positive about and never talk about the harsh realities) women say this about ageing. They say 'oh its great now Im old and unattractive because I cant do what I want now because no one cares.' Ummm...why didnt you just do what you wanted in the first place?!
All my women friends are childfree antinatalists. Even my one woman friend who has two adult children strongly supports antinatalism and regrets having the children she has had.
That said, I AM a mofo. 🤣😂 My second girlfriend was 21 or 22, I was 26. She was a teen mother who gave up her kid for adoption. Inexplicably, she was anti-abortion. But, at least she was an Animal Rights Vegan (ARV). we met at a SACA = Student Action Corps for Animals meeting. She approached ME. And I had two one-night flings with the one woman friend I mentioned.
And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my children. However, it’s not something people should do without a community around them. Parenting in isolation can be a nightmare and happens way more often than we think.
No one talks about the ones that want to be a mom so they can try to be a better mom than they one they had. Also I hope more people will pay attention to child free content in the hopes that less little ones will be found unalive in the dumpster in the future.
My mom always wanted to be a mother. Having my older siblings was hard, but she had some help outside my dad. But when she had me and my twin prematurely, everyone who said they would help her RAN FOR THE HILLS. Her kids are all adults now, and my mom is still VISIBLY MAD when she talks about how outside of my dad when he was back from work she was left entirely to her own devices with us.
She wanted a child with big eyes...REALLY? The reasons many women have for having a child is often UNREALISTIC and dumb 😮 Ladies, love yourself FIRST and get a cat vs a child 🎉
@lisah8438 So don't get one. Simple 😅🤣 Do what's financially, physically, spiritually and emotionally beneficial and SATISFYING to you for the next 21 plus years of YOUR life, not someone else's life for once ♥️
As a mom of 1, I know I'd never do it again. I love my son, but it's been difficult. My partner doesn't help me much and I can't yet leave him because I can't afford childcare. After I gave birth, I got an iud as soon as I could.
