My Abusive Ex Is Harming His New Girlfriend (Should I Help?)

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My Abusive Ex Is Harming His New Girlfriend (Should I Help?)
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Опубликовано:

4 окт 2024

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Комментарии : 94

@Mitchmyoutube 2 года назад

A drowning person will pull you underwater to try to save themselves

@randyadams1312 2 года назад

Very true. Also someone will be in denial and vilify you if they want to believe their partner “can change” or is a “good guy”.

@Amy-oy5hk 11 месяцев назад

Or, it’s possible to save their life with just a little kindness and support.

@deppresedonion6320 4 месяца назад

Duck u seriously and the advice this man just gave was disgusting .

@fortyseventhronin 2 года назад

It's not about turning a blind eye to another's suffering, it's about knowing your limitations. Kayla simply isn't qualified to help this woman, few people are.

@mrs.hardbazzi 2 года назад

She could tell her her story. I left him because his abusive behavior. Stuff like that sticks in your head.

@ravenestrella2310 2 года назад

@@mrs.hardbazzi Speaking as one who has worked professionally counseling domestic violence victims, I can say that what winds up happening when an abuse victim who has not fully healed from their own abuse tries helping anyone who’s currently being abused is that, more often than not, the one attempting to help winds up reliving the experiences of their own abuse through the one being abused. That in turn not only causes the one attempting to help to go through intense emotional pain because they’re reliving their trauma, but it also causes them to “help” the abuse victim in ways that cause far more harm than they good, because rather than doing what’s necessary to truly help the victim, the one formerly abused winds up acting on all of the feelings they’re feeling as they relive their trauma. Thus, in such situations, it often ceases to be about truly helping the victim, but instead about the one formerly abused attempting to find healing for themselves in ways that are unhealthy for both individuals, because they’ve projected themselves onto the one they’re trying to help. When you add to this that the one currently being abused is being abused by the very same man the caller was abused by, and that it’s clear the caller hasn’t fully healed from this herself, then her attempting to help this woman at all is only asking for a situation like what I described above to occur. She needs to simply call the police, let them handle the situation, and then make peace with the matter, knowing that she’s truly done all that she can do.

@texuztweety 2 года назад

Boundaries. Stay away from dysfunctional people and let them seek professional help and law enforcement

@lalakuma9 Год назад

The justice system clearly failed this woman and her ex's new girlfriend. How is her ex not charged with attempted murder?

@futurefunk88eddins96 5 месяцев назад

Because she's most likely a liar.

@Nayahpooh012 Год назад

As someone who has experienced violence in a relationship, I can confirm that she needs to stay FAR away from that woman and advise her to contact family or law enforcement for support. She has a child and already escaped nearly a decade ago.

@samanthajo1593 2 года назад

I’ve read some studies that stated when strangulation is a part of the domestic violence, it is the biggest indicator that the situation will turn deadly. So glad she got away and hopefully the new woman will have the strength to leave as well

@lhj276 5 месяцев назад

I had to write a letter to a dear older friend saying no more gory details because she thought she could share the gory details of her violent marriage with me because I survived a domestic violence situation in my nuclear family. My father and brothers hurt me physically constantly and my brother even held me hostage as an adult. It was always my fault. I wrote my family a letter of divorce because the potential for violence was still there and no one cared. So I divorced my family due to threats and scary things happening even into my 30's. So now my friend who is still married to this guy tells me stuff and i finally had to say no more. No more talk about her husband. It's taken a few years but we are now in a better place. She is much older than I am and fortunately her husband now has dementia and that has actually made him more mellow. He's like a child and is confused about a lot of stuff. Whew. I wouldn't wish dementia on anyone but him. Really, he was a monster.

@lorim2000 2 года назад

This is such good advice! If you've ever been caught in this yourself or caught in the middle of another family's abusive drama this may resonate with you. I wish I'd had this advice a few years ago, but when I was very young I wouldn't have taken it. I will try to remember all of this for the future if anything ever comes up again! I hope not.

@mrs.hardbazzi 2 года назад

More women need to have economic independence. Regardless of age most stay due to lack of income (job, childcare, transportation).

@wuahwuahwhore 2 года назад

Some people’s problems are too much to bare. This is when strong boundaries come to the rescue. We might feel bad saying no to helping someone in need but you can help by giving them a therapist number or telling them to contact the authorities. We cannot save everyone and at the same time hurt ourselves

@MaMa-jh6bb 2 года назад

I would not let my daughter have any contact with that man..at all.

@marlenehahn5678 2 года назад

Courts have other ideas sadly

@bumblinagirl2683 2 года назад

Yep.

@kevinb8881 2 года назад

The short answer is no!!

@Jane5720 2 года назад

I do differ with John for only one thing, Telling the girlfriend that you will call 911 if she calls you, So now you have to call 911. The problem with that is that the girlfriend would tell him that well …. I didn’t call 911 so and so did so that doesn’t look good, that brings her back in so I would not do that. I don’t necessarily know if I would take her calls because I don’t want to call 911 for her because that just pulls you back in and he could now target you instead

@animaluva098 Год назад

right...hes telling her NOT to be involved, but telling her to call 911? they never said how they even knew each other

@hadenanderson563 2 года назад

He should be in jail for the first strangulation and abuse. I don't think caller filed charges.

@amandac7981 2 года назад

Unfortunately the justice system doesn't often take domestic violence seriously. Even if she did file charges it's likely he wouldn't have gotten much jail time.

@lynnebucher6537 2 года назад

Yes they tend to not get too heavily involved in some jurisdictions until there's a corpse to worry about.

@mst-pierrem5729 2 года назад

Dude even if you file the justice system does not always say there you go jail time...

@daveholliday3082 2 года назад

Great advice John

@chrissy1448 2 года назад

Spot on..

@liliasmith8622 2 года назад

I don't know. Its very difficult. I like Dr Delony's advice. I would use the girlfriend experience with the ex as evidence to gain full custody and to ban the ex all contact with child. The dad will never stop and might even harm her child, God forbid. So she needs to act drastic and fast to protect her child. Before the ex behaviour escalates, she needs cuts ties of between him and her child.

@mst-pierrem5729 2 года назад

Unfortunately, that not always possible.I have two unrelatd friends who have been married for 10 yrs and 8 yrs who were in abusive as hell, police involved ect... My female friend after he went to actual jail divorced and forced full and exclusive costody of her kids with an INCREDIBLE amount of evidence (like she litterally had binders of official documents) and he still manage to have every other week-ends. My other friend who as male is trying to have full costody at the moment because she is completly off the rails.....and lawyers are saying he might not have his wish. So for the lady who's daughter has to freaking give him acess for a supervised hour it's not that awful... I'm more worried that he keeps on making babies and abuse women....

@lhj276 5 месяцев назад

@@mst-pierrem5729 I agree. Family courts hate parental alienation so much even if the spouse is extremely dangerous.

@kirstenwatt9605 Год назад

Hearing you describe the distinction between "you have to talk to me" and being a safe place for your child to open up.... I needed that

@VonSolo5 2 года назад

Stay as far away as humanly possible. It makes no sense that she is calling her for help and this woman calling her could be something her abusive ex is actually orchestrating for devious reasons.

@mrs.hardbazzi 2 года назад

Messed up if she genuinely isn't.

@mrs.hardbazzi 2 года назад

That is good advice. Like I hear you, I see you, and I can call help for you. This puts the power back to the new young lady if she wants to get out call her. If she just wants to play games....the cops won't be happy.

@genxx2724 2 года назад

Kayla’s gonna get pulled back under, and she wants the connection.

@mikehonchoboi 2 года назад

What a stud! Two baby mommas. Two beaten women.

@marialacen-vizcarrondo1863 28 дней назад

Just like my son 3 beaten women & baby mommas...smh! 🤦‍♀️ Like father like son!

@tashihaley8524 26 дней назад

I helped my abusers ex-wife. I didn't think twice about it. He still got off on all charges.

@Thebootyrater 2 года назад

I’m sorry that happened to her but WHY is she keeping up to date with what her ex is doing? He should be blocked on all social medias, she shouldn’t even know about anything he’s doing.

@loverules5118 2 года назад

The new GF has the caller child's half sibling.

@davidhealdjr.513 2 года назад

If they didn't have a child together, this would be right. But she needs to know what this guy is up to because she needs to look out for the best interest of her daughter.

@TheDjcarter1966 2 года назад

Because the court probably has granted him some kind of visitation.

@denobarroga 2 года назад

I have not kept track of how many times I wrote this on Dave Ramsey and on here, but here it comes again. STAY SINGLE! The apostle Paul encourages that staying single is PREFERRED over being married in Corinthians. He was right…over and over and over again.

@mst-pierrem5729 2 года назад

Yeah for those with no sex drive and no romantic feelings for another or other that might fly (shout out to all the asexual of the planet), but for the rest of us it hard as well impossible !! Not all married or coupling is awful.... Some people obviously didnt follow the Corithians otherwise you would be there!

@isay207 Год назад

Not if you find a great guy they're out there just have high standards respect yourself

@GarikaiGumbo 5 месяцев назад

This is the most insanely incorrect opinion I've seen today and that's saying a lot

@lorrainea.285 2 года назад

John PLEASE STOP interrupting your guests CONSTANTLY!!!! Geeesh!!! LET THEM FINISH THEIR SENTENCES!!!!!!!!

@gabrielgonzalez6456 2 года назад

Someone is a bit angry… when people call into the show, they’re looking for answers. They want to be interrupted once John knows enough, so he can give an answer to help them.

@ScreamGeronimo 2 года назад

Wow, this was powerful. Job well done.

@maryanntownsend265 2 года назад

Great advice, John ❤️

@andrea6053 2 года назад

At the very least she could provide this other mom a list of resources, dv shelters, counselors, custody attorneys. You would do that for a stranger so why not do it for the mom of your child’s sibling. An email or text message costs nothing.

@Amy-oy5hk 11 месяцев назад

Thank you! I agree! Abusers isolate their partners. My heart broke to hear caller say she asked her for help and what to do. In the thick of an abusive relationship, you can be in a “fog” state and need help to get out of the hell you’re in. I also think it’s the humane thing to do. I’m here today, because the ex wife of the abuser didn’t turn away from me. Women who have been there, should help those who have been in their shoes. IMO. Thanks for your comment, and loving spirit! Keep shining!

@elanahammer1076 2 года назад

Be glad that you dodged a bullet and your toxic ex became someone else’s problem. Your boundaries should not extend into someone else’s home. Do not put down the other parent to any child involved yet do not sugar coat it either. I had a toxic ex once that would lie, smear campaign and take me to court any chance he could because he needed attention. Well I am happy because he is a hypocrite in religion, life and everything in between. He may have brainwashed my daughter but I am not going to take abuse from her. After tens of thousands of dollars in my time and money spent. I am done daughter told me off and I said ok. She’s 17 anyway so no! Just be glad that their circus is not yours! Find happiness in that you are alive and not toxic! Lol 🤔❤️🇺🇸

@pwstroud Год назад

These comments are ignorant DV happens with all types of men and it doesnt always happen in the beginning often these guys start off really nice and attentive and loving then a little jealousy or possessiveness begins and spirals from there . The physical violence does not always happen in beginningThere is no vetting for potential violent men unless your an expertt and mind reader!!

@Rosaedora Год назад

I'm not sure this is good advice, John, as a survivor. 911 doesn't always help with abuse! The police can sometimes be quite violent to women when they call 911. The police told me that they wished my ex had hurt me worse. the other woman should call a victim support center/battered woman's shelter!

@joywebster2678 5 месяцев назад

Women's shelters here where I live now require police reports proving physical abuse before they will deal with you. Why? Misuse by homeless women and young kids getting in with fake stories and blocking the system. 911 will respond but " emotional abuse" isn't managed well, needs to be physical, and proveable threats. Cops are good with those.

@shirleyelling2761 2 года назад

He’s right. There is no other way. Her best help is through domestic violence. She is living in shock and cannot think for herself. She needs to get a 50b against him and have him thrown out. Change the locks immediately. As long as she stay in the house 2 weeks, it’s hers under law to occupy as long as the order stands. 1-3 years

@isay207 Год назад

How did he get visiting rights he may kill the child to get back at her

@bronwyn117 Год назад

I watch a lot of your videos and you give such great advice! Great job!

@IncredibleDrone 2 года назад

Where do these people live? Where I live if a man put his hands on a women's neck he is going to jail and the court will cut ties for you. So I ask you where in the United States let's this kind of thing happen.

@pwstroud Год назад

thats not the case depending on what state or even county you live in

@nicolehazellmiller8012 5 месяцев назад

Maybe the lady in the story needs to get some one to pick and drop the child to the ex.

@murdahmammiez 3 месяца назад

No. The ex shouldnt getvto see his kids. Hé is dangerous

@richardv9648 2 года назад

Not blaming women. But hey, Richard hits me, he chokes my neck but at the end of the day i know he loves me, lets have a child with him. Common on ladies, choose your man wisely ladies.

@mrs.hardbazzi 2 года назад

True the men are manipulative.

@sobeliever1638 2 года назад

So you are blaming women. I agree with you but be honest about it. Two people have made mistakes in this relationship.

@msakeeba Год назад

That comment is telling us that you have no empathy and you don’t understand DV.

@richardv9648 Год назад

@@sobeliever1638 Not blaming, but to take accountability for ones actions.

@sweetlove65miss Год назад

There is manipulation and brainwashing involved in DV Richard so these women truly believe these men love them. They aren’t in their right minds.

@Jane5720 2 года назад

Sound advice

@alexafernandez5743 2 года назад

question why hes not in jail

@juliemayhwang4469 Месяц назад

You okay? 🤍☁️

@Price8903 Год назад

Little half brother😂😂

@Joel-pg4yi Год назад

The world we live it. Constantly picking an abusive man and rejecting good men. Got no one but yourself to blame. I feel bad for the kids that they have.

@vickimerritt2832 Год назад

The blame is on the sbuser.

@Amy-oy5hk 11 месяцев назад

Wow, spoken like a true abuser!

@Umph84 2 года назад

This busy body needs to mind her own business. This is not her relationship and she is in no place to intervene.

@cathyosullivan718 2 года назад

Maybe she felt compelled to help because the lady was contacting her.

@ember13dp 2 года назад

Nah, she can help a fellow abused woman, and the new gf made it her business anyway.

@chrissy1448 2 года назад

Exactly… she needs to focus on herself and her kid… I wouldn’t even entertain the new gf.

@sobeliever1638 2 года назад

She is not a busy body. Busy bodies don't call and ask people if they should help someone else.

@AaAa-ri4uf 2 года назад

This all circles back to women like “tough guys”, and they dump nice guys, and as a result I have even taught myself to not be this “nice guy” that I used to be

@Mjl449 2 года назад

Not all women. Those women you don’t want anyways.

@murraybeachtel8585 2 года назад

Yeah man don’t chase after women that want tough guys. Find someone that is into you that wants someone nice because it means she is nice. Takes more time to find someone that likes you as well, but it usually equals a lifelong heathy relationship.

@sobeliever1638 2 года назад

You sound so foolish. You attract what you are and put out in the world. If you are purposely not being nice to attract women don't complain about what you get.

@pwstroud Год назад

the “nice guys” can become just abusive because of insecurities that doesnt matter

@Amy-oy5hk 11 месяцев назад

This is not the case for all. Not all abusers come across as tough guys.