My Daughter Stopped Talking To Me: My Response 

A red flag to me is people only showing / holding on to pictures of their children when they were toddlers or very young. As they grow older, they tend to have their own identity / boundaries and that's when the fights begin.

Well, she proved her daughter correct. The daughter tried to speak, was completely ignored, and the idiot then makes a manipulative gaslighting video about how badly she’s being treated by this horrible adult child.

The mother found a way to keep being toxic to her daughter after she cut ties, well done

The way she went right into a smear campaign makes it perfectly clear why she was cut off.

The mother didn't post the letter because she didn't want viewers to hear the details about all the ways she has hurt her daughter. That would be some seriously negative PR - the thing narcissists fear most.

The woman even uses a child-like voice to represent her daughter even though it's obvious the daughter is a full grown up. This was very telling.

I have only ever heard “I’m not perfect” as a preamble for “here’s why I’m not going to take accountability for the terrible way I treated you or change my behavior.” I noticed that pattern first in reality TV, but now I can’t unsee it.

My mother was wildly abusive- physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally. The only thing that stopped when I became an adult was the physical abuse. Neither of my siblings nor I speak with her but if you ask her, she doesn't know why. She says things like "Maybe I was abusive, but if you had a child like you, you'd be too." She also says things like "I did the best I could. It was a long time ago, get over it." I'm nearly 60 at this point & have nothing to do with her. I have no guilt or regret about that either.

It was a disgusting video and yes, I was very triggered. Professionally filmed, perfectly lit, perfect everything. I was livid for days. THIS is the mother's ultimate revenge, dropping her daughter's name and photo in it. When she can't get in contact with the daughter, THIS is what she decides to do. People who know this woman will know the daughter so totally throwing the daughter under the bus. "I thought I was a good mom." No, you weren't.

I left a long pointed comment on her video as the daughter of a borderline who has forgiven my Mom and still practices tight boundaries. I told her even IF her daughter wanted to eventually communicate with her she has destroyed all hope of that by taking their problems to the worldwide internet to accuse her daughter of being cruel. It was such an obvious public smear campaign. A truly disgusting video and I’m glad the comments eventually started to call her out on her nonsense. Especially the maudlin music playing in the background which was especially tacky and manipulative. 🙄

I'm a parent and it seems very strange to me for a parent to say that an angry outburst is out of character. Parents see their child angry at all phases of their life, and more than anyone else they really know their child's full emotional capacity. So saying anger is out of character says very clearly that anger was not an acceptable emotion in this persons house, that screams bad parenting.

"I'm not perfect" and "nobody is perfect" are sentences I have heard from both my abusive family and my abusive partners. So gross!

I truly hope the daughter sees your video. It's over 36 minutes of solid validation.

The baby pictures do it for ma haha! It’s like saying “it was so great when you couldn’t walk or speak!”

As somebody who went through narcissistic abuse this SCREAMS narcissistic abuse. THIS WOMAN IS LITERALLY DOING A SMEAR CAMPAIGN AGAINST HER DAUGHTER.

Something that really pushes my buttons is the continual smug she carries on her face. No trace of sadness whatsoever.

As the daughter of a mother who never listened, judged, belittled, shamed and guilt tripped, I wish healing for her daughter and a healthy life going forward. I didn’t have the strength to break free - only my mothers death freed me.

Us daughters of narcissistic abusive mothers can see right through this. The emotional manipulation, guilt tripping and plain fake is so clear to see. 14yrs of cutting contact with my mother. Best decision I ever made.

When my mother said I needed to apologize for what I’ve put her through, I truly understood the delusion her entire life had been.

I watched the video when she first posted it. She gave me the creeps immediately. As a parent, I would never post a video about my relationship with any of my children. Ever. It’s a grotesque violation of trust.

The fact that she is not looking inward to understand why this is happening says everything.

If I were her I can’t imagine going on the internet and publicly shaming my child. This is so sad…..

What the mother cannot grasp is that everything could probably be fixed to some degree with her daughter if she’d just acknowledge her pain!

Does that mom think that we're all idiots or something? The fact that she even made the video is psychopathic.

Gosh, I pray her daughter see's this! Thanks for this. Edit to add: If a parent had done this public reply to such a courageous letter, I would change my name. This woman deserves no less. This is public abuse. The Mum will never get it. She will bash herself against that grey rock till she dies. Daughter, if you ever see this - With admiration and love I say to you - Be brave and strong and save yourself.

This woman is EXACTLY like my mother. "If we just ignore it she'll go back to normal," - standard practice for these people. Never an acknowledgement of their hurtful behavior or their gaslighting words. Thank you so much for addressing this.

Wow, this daughter did at 29 what I finally did at 39. Good for the daughter. On her side.

Crikey. The magnitude of the narcissism of the mother is shocking.

The effort that went into creating that video is significant. Every “moment” is staged. It’s a performance. It’s chilling.

In the shot where the mother reads the email, you can see all her disgust and contempt towards her child so clearly in her face

This lady is scary. I want to say to anyone who has a parent like that, you are strong and brave to survive through this. Parents are supposed to be kind and understanding, and I'm sorry you had to live through that ❤

14:24 I had a family friend recently tell me I was "taking the easy way out" by going no contact with my mom. Nothing about no contact is easy. Truly it's the hardest thing I've ever been through.

I watched the whole thing. The part at the end where she says she didn’t send her daughter a happy birthday text this year. Then she posts this huge, rambling guilt trip ON HER DAUGHTER’S BIRTHDAY. She’s a total piece of work.

OMG, you're the only person on the planet that has validated my experience just watching this in the first few minutes! The shame from the mother over-rules everything. Nothing else exists except her shame and we all need to make her feel better and keep quiet and numb our own experience! In my situation if I set boundaries then it means I'm mentally ill and need to be extinguished from the family.

There's a certain look in the eyes of the narcissist that turns my blood cold. I knew a few seconds in. I hope this daughter finds healing and peace. It took me 55 years. ❤️

On her channel, the mother encourages the viewers to complain about their narcissistic children. There's no introspection, no self-awareness.

Narcissistic people really often are like satires of themselves, aren't they 🤭

I love how the dad said that the daughter never said sorry to them when they never said it to her and don't feel remorse over anything. Also, why would the daughter apologize? She was the one being abused? They always have to flip things.

When in doubt about Narcissits, the body language is such a big indicator. The snarl, the eyes, the sarcasm, the fake tears. This highly edited video from her, dismissing her daughter 's pain and feelings, is just absolutely vile.

What I found so disturbing about this mother is that she smiles, smirks and grins throughout the video. Even when she’s “crying”, she’s smiling! The mother’s facial expressions alone are invalidating, and then when she speaks, it’s even worse. She’s clearly communicating that she doesn’t take any of this seriously. I feel so sorry for her daughter and the pain she must have experienced in this dysfunctional family. The dynamic is so toxic. I applaud the daughter’s strength, clarity and resolve and wish her happiness.

I think the mother should consider herself lucky to have received a letter, I didn't even do that. I knew, they wouldn't listen.

It is always a red flag when you tell someone your boundaries and they dance right over it and send you "positive affirmations". Poor girl!

The fact that she made the video to begin with shows that she's narcissistic. Who even does that? This could totally be my mother. Thank you for all of your wonderful insight! P.S. The mom's body language is ridiculous. She is LOVING the attention and sympathy that she is sure to garnish from the video. Her eyes are excited, and she's smiling.

Those "woe is me" crocodile tears give me flashbacks.

Please go here for info and to book one of the courses I'm running in January: www.sanitysaved.com Part 2 is now up: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-tuPcZbSjDgo.html Update: The lady in this video blocked me because I made a comment under it saying that I hoped it would help daughters of narcissistic mothers to stop hoping and move on. She's now created a community for mothers like her and she apparently charges $200 to join it...Her video is here, if you want to see the whole thing: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-T-cEsAT4HCo.htmlfeature=shared

Those of us who are estranged from our families recognize this woman, and we also know that no one comes to the decision to turn their back on a loving family for no reason. As an adult child of emotional neglect and abuse have spent years in denial or blaming ourselves until something happens where we are forced to realize that we are victims of abuse, and that we aren't safe around them. Still, we leave a door open and believe that they are basically good and that things will be fine when they realize what is going on. Then hope dies bit by bit as the parents never show any sign of love, introspection or empathy. It is a ego killing life changing moment of reckoning.

Anybody notice the dupers delight smirk on that face the whole time? I saw right through this narc. I went no contact with my narc mother and it was the best thing I could ever do, I felt absolutely nothing when she died.

The person I would feel sorry for if my child cut me out of their life would be my child! Because I would have failed them. I can’t imagine ever feeling sorry for ME! That woman triggers me so badly. I can’t believe any mother could be so wilfully blind at the expense of their child.

when i first stumbled upon that video, the mother’s throwaway line “oh yea some other people all cut us off around the same time” told me EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW. i commented something saying she was likely the problem in a sea of comments praising her- bizarre. so glad you made this video to speak on the daughter’s behalf ❤❤❤

I hope her daughter is okay and knows how much support she truly has from those of us who understand.

I've had to go no contact with my narcopath mother. The sheer pain it takes to break the trauma bond and break free in order for survival is beyond words. No child wants to go no contact...we are forced into going no contact because their level of toxicity and abuse is on a level that is unlivable. Survival instincts overtake. And the pain never goes away. The desire to have a relationship with the parent we so desperately hoped they'd be doesn't go away. We just stop gaslighting ourselves and allow ourselves self-love and self compassion to remove the toxic behaviors by removing the person who is choosing to be toxic.

This poor girl wrote this long letter, because some part of her thought or hoped her parents might understand or care about how she felt... Otherwise she would have just cut contact. It's SO sad, that this is what they did with it... 💔

Hey, if you're this woman's daughter - We get you ❤ I'm sorry 😞

Yes, my mother will say ''I'm not perfect'' but if you try to give her the tiniest bit of feedback she becomes so extraordinarily defensive that like you say, she's not saying 'im not perfect' she's saying 'back off back off back off'.

What I find so interesting about parents like this is they will will cry about how much they love their kid and how much they miss them....an processed to do nothing to fix/heal the relationship.

The red flag to me is the mother making a video of her personal issue in the first place. Seems like victimhood, attention seeking, and an attempt to manipulate and guilt and shame her daughter. Who even does that?

When I’ve tried to vocalize anything to my mom that might bother me I get anything I’ve done wrong thrown back at me and told I’m too sensitive.

This is our mother. She openly talks about us, and the pain we apparently cause, at family events where we are present as well. She's toxic.

Just the fact that she is making a whole channel where she talkes about her daughter, and is crying about what "she has done", is pretty extreme! If she thinks that this is going to help, she will find out the hard way!

I sent a similar message to my mother. She replied "ok, take care of yourself." She also later sent messages simultaneously denying and justifying her behaviour. Justifying by blaming me. Now 9 months no contact and life is so much happier.

I'm sure like most here, I can see right through this so-called mother. I grew up with a step-father who violated me. I told my mom and after 38 years, she is still with him. I tried about 15 years ago to openly talk to my mom on how this has affected me and how I still suffer. She got so angry with me and said how dare I question her actions, etc. I eventually cut contact with them. I hope the daughter in this case surrounds herself with a good support system and prospers. Thanks for video. It's so important for so many. ❤

As a parent I blame the parents 99% of the time. You brought this child into the world and it’s your responsibility to work on the relationship and hope they’ll come around one day if you think they are 100% wrong.

I'm always suspicious of parents who have little to no contact with their children. I don't want to automatically assume they're at fault, but people like this woman shows that they usually are.

Thank you so much for this. It is so validating. I went no contact with my abusive mother in 1996. This sort of thing was unheard of back then. Everyone including many of my friends sided with my mother. After going no contact, I lost count of the number of therapists who told me, "You need to have a relationship with your mother." I stuck to it. I knew I was better off alone and judged. I lost so much of my family. It's lonely but safe. Thank you for letting other people know, it's ok to separate from an abuser even if it's your parent.

I hope the daughter sees this. The worst part of having extreme narcissist parents was that no one validated me until I was well into my 50s. That's 50 years of trauma without people believing me. Now, the family has cut ties with her and they are scared of her. But it took a long time. 😢

Not only did she cut the letter up into little scareword snippets and assign 90% of the blame on the most benign possible cause of disagreement ("you voted for the wrong guy"), she also cast a baby voice to speak the grown ass daughter's quotes.

I'm an adult child of an abusive family, who finally went NC a few years ago. I didn't even bother with a letter because I had enough years of being ignored, dismissed and threatened every time I spoke openly about my feelings. I feel the daughter's pain. I hope she is healing and finding the life she actually deserves.

God, this is my mother to a tee. I called her in 2019 telling her i didn't want to see her anymore, and she kept bothering me and implying that i was being unreasonable. This year i sent her a letter reminding her of just a fraction of the abuse she put me through, including allowing her father to touch me and my sisters while she watched. Haven't heard from her since. My sisters tell me she acts like I never existed at all.

I was raised by an abusive narcissistic mother. Unfortunately, I was well into motherhood before I realized how destructive my mother's behaviour was, and I repeated the same parenting towards my two oldest kids. Only when I faced the ugly truth about my behaviour that I could really see and hear my children, and understand how damaging my abusive patterns were towards them. One of my biggest regrets in life is the way I parented my two older kids. Thank God I was at least able to come to this realization in time to take full accountability for it. My daughter is now 32 and trying to heal from how I mothered her. I can only pray that one day my daughter realizes how beautiful and valuable she is and always has been. I will never stop working on it.

This mother has laid a wonderful spread of real life parental narcissism out on the table for us to see, with her being the centre piece, of course! I wonder if the daughter will see this excellent analysis and feel supported and validated? I hope so.

Good job Haley for stepping away from all this toxicity

This mom put a lot of effort and time making the video. Being filmed at odd angles and in multiple places and graphics added, etc. Imagine putting that effort into examine herself and repairing the relationship.

I hope that woman's daughter is living her best life and never goes back to this horrible family.

I went NC with my mother two years ago. She still claims (through others) she has no idea why even though I was very clear about why during our last conversation. The fact that this mother really thinks this is all about politics shows how delusional and ignorant she is. She doesn’t deserve a relationship with her daughter until she can be self reflective and put her ego aside.

It's a huge relief not have to associate with unkind, rude and toxic people. It doesn't matter if its a relative or not. I am so much happier without anyone in my life like that. Someone who hasn't dealt with the level of meanness that ultimately leads to no contact probably won't completely understand, thats ok, each person has a right to protect themselves from verbal, emotional or any abuse and sometimes cutting off the relationship is the only way to do it.

She came out with a new video blaming society and giving everyone a history lesson on generations.

Ugh that is such a manipulative video. Her crying,the music. The fast forwarding through the letter from her daughter was horrible. So dismissive. I can understand people being triggered. I am glad you covered this as you bring your empathy and kindness to it ,and validate not only the unheard daughter of this scenario,but all of us unheard,dismissed people who are gaslit and ignored by our caregivers. Thank you ❤

You are amazing for talking about it- thank you. It's been 10 years since I last spoke to my mother and it annoys me when people tell me: 'oh what if your mother dies.' I tell them I honestly don't care. I think people think I'm a monster. But they didn't live through hell I lived through.

I haven't spoken to my mother since July 2010. I was 23 years old. I don't think about her, nor I don't long for a maternal connection. I feel complete indifference. When I hear of a parent who is not in contact with their child, I think to myself "well what did you do?".

As a person who has been able to keep a good relationship with my family despite a few ups and downs (NC wouldn’t be necessary for me), I watched this video a while back and as I clicked on it, I said to myself “No…No adult child goes full NC unless you majorly effed up as a parent”. I am glad to have my opinion professionally validated by you.

When I first saw the video you're reacting to (it somehow ended up in my recommendations a few months ago), I watched through the lens of being a mom. I would be heartbroken if my daughters cut me off like that. I definitely made my share of parenting mistakes (and OMG, it HURTS to remember how fallible I was/am in front of the 2 people who matter the most to me). At first, I sort of identified with the mom, wondering what I would do if this happened to me. Then, the over-the-top production values, overdramatic music, and one-sided narrative made me feel a little uneasy. I think what really tipped the balance for me was the anecdote about saving her daughter from choking when she was a baby, as if that one incident should protect her from any criticism of her parenting ever (as if anybody but a monster WOULDN'T save a choking baby). By the end, I was feeling super bad for the daughter; how must she feel having her parents put something like this on the internet? Some things really shouldn't be aired in public (and should be perhaps be shared only with a therapist); the parents have completely burned any bridge with their daughter. How much do they truly care about her? If nothing else, this video shows very poor judgement on the part of the parents.

My mom secretly tape recorded all our phone conversations to play for other people, and she showed my emails to so many people. She made me look so bad to people and they believed her for decades. 😢

I SAW THAT VIDEO!!!! I wanted to respond to that woman and tell her she was probably a horrible mom but knew she wouldn’t get it. I’m SO glad you made this video!!!!!!!!

Walked away from my mother and brother 17 years ago. Growing up, it was just the 3 of us. I didn’t take the decision lightly and went through a difficult grieving process. Until happening across this video, I’ve been living in acceptance that society just won’t understand why I’d make such a decision. This woman’s video showcases the reason I had to cut my family out of my life. The comments on her video and this reaction has been incredibly validating. Thank you for this.

It’s so difficult to maintain boundaries with someone like this woman. You may come to an arrangement with them but they believe it will “blow over” and they slowly hack away at the boundaries you’ve set until you’re back at square one. I hope the daughter in this situation can find peace.

The last sentence of this video: "I could not stomach it because it required too much contrition". She is literally telling on herself!

Every time she contacts her daughter she is crossing a boundary her daughter clearly set. And even after other people cut off contact with her because of this situation, she still never stops to consider she might be the problem. She projects so hard that she sends her daughter the self-help stuff she should read herself. Yeah, this woman is super triggering.

This is my mother through and through. I’m 45 and it has taken me most of my adult life to try to unwind all of this… this kind of low grade emotional neglect and abuse is insidious… one thing I have been recognizing a lot lately is how triggering the histrionics are and I see this here- the overly dramatic over the top language and reaction instead of actually just having a real conversation- the fake tears are my biggest trigger now

This woman reminds me of my mother so much. I explained to my mother exactly why I was hurt and she threw herself upon the cross, and cried ''it makes no sense''

I've been fighting in the comments of this video. I was so triggered , the lack of accountability , I just cant.

The worst thing about all of this is, in playing the victim, she's loving every minute of it. She gets to paint her daughter with the evil brush and have all the flying monkeys feeling so sorry for her. Her daughter gave her exactly what she wants by cutting ties with her. I did the same thing for my mother and I'm actually glad she's happy in her faux misery.

I am a licensed clinical psychologist, and I had a patient a few years ago, who came into my office and the first thing she said was that I was the fifth therapist with whom she had recently met. She told me that she was getting married in six months, and could not decide if she wanted to invite her mother to her wedding (for all of the reasons mentioned in this video). She was very emotional, very tearful, and it was obvious that this decision was crushing her soul. She told me on the one hand, her mother had never been a true “mother” and behind closed doors was a narcissistic nightmare (she gave numerous examples-I wholeheartedly agreed), but in public was the doting, charming, “oh so proud of my baby girl” mother. My patient told me that this dynamic made this decision even harder, bc every time she tries to talk to someone about it, be it a close friend, family member, or the four therapists before me, none of them could understand what the problem was, with the question of whether or not to invite her mother to her wedding. Of course, you would invite her to your wedding, because she’s such a wonderful mother, look at all the things she’s done for you, etc, which made this woman feel even more invalidated and gaslit than she already did at the hands of her own mother. I sat and listened and let this woman talk and cry and get mad and get frustrated and feel all of those emotions. And when she finished, I looked at her and I told her this is your wedding. This is your wedding. Unfortunately, we don’t get to choose our biological families. Luckily, for us, we do get to choose who is in our “real family”, and who we allow to have the privilege of being in our lives. It is a privilege for your mother to be in your life, just as it is for you to be in hers; however, if someone is bringing more toxicity to the relationship than anything else and offering next to nothing in the way of love, compassion, support, and encouragement, it does beg the question why am I allowing them the privilege to be in my life? This young woman looked at me and said you are the first therapist who has told me I don’t have to invite her to my wedding. You’re also the first therapist who told me that it’s OK that I recognize she doesn’t need to be in my life bc of the many, many examples of why that is. Every other therapist and friend and family member has told me of course you’re going to invite her, you only have one mother. And I told her yes, you only have one biological mother. But you can choose your “real mom”, the person you want to be the mother figure in your life. And it doesn’t have to be this woman we’re talking about. And then the session was over. She thanked me, she said she really appreciated me listening to her, to me not telling her how to feel, not telling her what she “had to do” and that I was really helpful. And I never saw her again I later got a note from her about seven months later, thanking me again for listening to her and letting me know her mother was not invited to her wedding, and it was the best decision she’s ever made. Everyone on earth deserves two parents who are loving and kind and supportive, and encouraging and compassionate and supportive. Most of us are lucky if we get one, and many of us, don’t get any at all. If you’re one of those people, go out and make your “real family”, made up of people who really love you and support you and who have earned the privilege of being in your life and who also want you to be in theirs. xoxoxo ♥️

I think its telling that the only good moments she shared were from before her daughter had a voice at all, when she was just a baby. Look at what a good mom I was before my daughter seemed like another person with thoughts and feelings and individual needs caused by my failings. 😮‍💨 familiar story. Thank you so much for your content, one of the few truly educational creators. 💛

The way both parents keep centering themselves as the victim of this situation is sickening. However, the fact that she ‘scans’ the estrangement book and determines that she can’t stomach contrition is absolutely hilarious.

I knew a mother whose son cut her off and for very obvious reasons. Spending a day with her she couldn't stop trauma dumping to paint herself as a victim. She described to me her new relationship with a married man and how the wife was dragging the divorce out making their lives miserable. I stopped her and said "Well the wife was miserable... she was losing her husband and her entire life was crumbling." The Narcissist responded "Well, I don't know how she was feeling or what was going on with her... I only know what I was feeling and going on with me." And she wonders why her son from her previous marriage won't talk to her and have cut her off. It drives me crazy!!!!

I’m so glad to see a visual analysis of this woman’s attempts to farm the internet for supply, and to hear that she’s asking for financial contributions from other parents to a group she has started under the guise of helping is a shameful grift. I had commented below both her clips, because it was staggering to watch her and her husband flog this young woman’s personal life, her choices, and deny her pain as an annoyance and bewildering inconvenience. This is an incredible break down and view of such a damaging and pervasive personality, thank you for posting.

When I once found the courage to visit my parents and tell me in which ways they hurt me, their response was: "No, absolutely not. You are interpreting it all wrong". Well, end of conversation. I kept contact anyway, but it has changed my perspective on them for good.

My mother said in a scarcastic tone..."sorry I didn't bring you up like the Beaver's".... I wasn't asking for a perfect childhood just a wanted child, to be liked and not constantly hit and told I was "stupid or something"

this unlocked a new fear that i can possibly expect my narc mother doing. making dramatic videos about being an estranged mother. i need to go back in time and stop teenager me from teaching my mother how to use imovie on our brand new imac. 😮‍💨

I’ve come to see the phrase “I’m not perfect” as a pink flag, because these people never seem to want to get specific about any of their flaws.