'My Girlfriend Isn't Okay with My Wife's Ashes' -- Reddit Story 

“I just wish the ring didn’t exist” 🥴 Yeah and I’m sure he wishes his wife wasn’t dead 💀

I can’t believe the new girlfriend just expects him to THROW AWAY his late wife’s ashes. Is she serious?? Throwing them in the trash?! Absolutely not. Let that man put the stone in a drawer and forget about it.

I honestly can’t comprehend how someone “competes” with a deceased person. OP has moved on from his previous wife and is willing to start over with another. In fact, I find it special that OP found a way to cherish his late wife that no way harms M. I think M is not the person for OP solely based on how she reacted and tried to gaslight OP.

You can’t compete with a deceased person… I think people really need to question their own insecurities… especially in a situation like this

My fiancé was married before me and sadly his wife died of cancer. He has her pressed into a diamond and changed the original diamond to the ash one. He keeps it in a tiny box in his nightstand and looks at it when important anniversaries of theirs come around. The only reason I would ever have a problem with the ring, is if I was insecure of the love we have. I know my fiancé loves me and I love him. Because I love him, I have ended up loving that ring too. This woman needs to seriously reflect and do some inner work. Instead of looking at the diamond as some weird, competitive, or whatever thing - she should look at it with admiration and kindness. I know that my fiancé’s deceased wife just had to be an amazing woman and I wish I could have known her. This woman needs help and I hope the OP keeps the ring.

This girl is a huge red flag. This is such a beautiful way to remember someone. I hope he breaks up with this manipulative, insecure woman and finds someone to truly love him and all his baggage EDIT: I got to the end and im glad she came around

I think she shouldn’t have dated someone who has had a past partner pass away. That’s a huge deal. We all know what we can handle and she can’t handle that.

I'm surprised she's 31... that seems so immature. I think that's a beautiful idea. That is such a beautiful way to memorialize his late wife and take her with him on travels. As the new girlfriend, I would have such a respect for him for respecting and honoring his late wife this way. She sounds immature and toxic giving that kind of an ultimatum. He can definitely find someone who will understand and respect his wishes. I hope they can have some open and honest communications and she will come around. Edit: im glad things worked out for them 😁

The ending just makes me feel like she came across the Reddit thread and realised nobody was on her side tbh

Why does she care that he has ashes pressed into a memento of his wife? It’s not like he’s got a lifelike sex doll he’s cheating on M with or something super scary like that

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - if you don’t have the emotional maturity to be in a relationship with someone whose significant other died, then don’t do it. Their relationships didn’t end, the other person DIED. Allowances must be made to honor the loss of someone who was deeply loved by the person you now love. If you truly love them, you’ll make those allowances. All it takes is showing a little respect and a modicum of emotional intelligence. I’m glad “M” turned out to have both. Still, she should seek therapy.

“No woman would be comfortable with it?” Maybe emotionally immature people. He cannot bring his wife back to life to compete with you, he can’t leave you for someone’s ashes. Her ashes can’t affect you and if spirits exist and his wife is there she’ll be there whether her ashes are there are not. 🤷🏻‍♀️

As someone who lost their significant other especially after having a child with them anyone who comes into my life needs to be fully accepting that he will always be apart of the family especially for his child some people are just too insecure and to be honest it’s completely disrespectful

This story infuriates me. There is no “normal” when it comes to grieving. And she absolutely IS insecure for feeling threatened by the way he chooses to remember and honor his wife. I’m glad at least that she’s willing to reflect on her actions and work on it. OP had no business apologizing or trying to compromise so much though, jeez.

Honestly there are so many red flags, you can tell she’s totally manipulated him and gas lights him all the time by not only her reaction but how he talks about it. He called his wife his “ex” and he spoke about how he apologized over and over. That’s not normal his wife is not an “ex” and he had absolutely no reason to apologize. She is a toxic person and he should get rid of her.

Omg wth “it’s her or me” 🥴🥴💀. She’s gone that women is delusional. That was his wife and he has every right to have it. It’s just a memory of a loved one.

I think it is highly likely that the GF didn’t actually so any research at all. It is more likely that she complained to a close friend and they lit into her about how insane her behavior was.

The only time I’d feel weird about it would be if an SO of mine had this type of ring and like, brought it on our honeymoon or wore it at our wedding or something- but even then I wouldn’t be mad, or ask them to remove it or anything like that, I’d just feel a little strange about it being worn on those occasions

Not really a girl but if I passed away I'd want my partner to do that. Putting my ashes into a stone is just beautiful. NTA dump that horrible hot mess of a woman. Edit: finished it, still not impressed.

I was 16 when my boyfriend at the time took his own life. His family had his ashes turned into jewelry for me, his sisters, and mother. It was such a nice way for each of us to always have a part of him with us. Whist I don’t wear it every day anymore, it is there for me when needed and has helped me feel a connection to him still. I can definitely understand why he would to keep the ring, as he rightly should. ❤️ Grief is a difficult thing for everyone with each person dealing with it differently and she had no right telling him to get rid of it.

The first time I heard this story I thought the girl was jealous of his dead wife but after hearing the ending you can tell she just had an issue with human remains/death and has zero to do with the fact that it’s his wife it could’ve been his mother, friend, child, or literally anyone and she would’ve felt this way at first. I’m glad she’s gonna work on her feelings with death and they were able to have a happy ending 🥰

Anytime you post something about the widowed community, I always have to give my two cents worth. I lost my husband when I was 28 and he was 33, and I had a 3 1/2 month old baby at home. This is to give you context, not because I’m trying to fish for sympathy or anything. So, as a widow, when you’re dating one of the TOP priorities (for most of the ones that I know, and including myself) is that you want someone to respect your old partner. It’s necessary. For her to not be able to understand that he can still love his late wife and respect her and bring her along as a token and a part of his old life, while on the other hand being able to love her fully and have a deeper appreciation for who she is because he has experience lost. I guarantee you he would treat her like gold. But she is being so insecure, and so cruel. Not to mention, I have my late husband’s ashes on a cabinet in my living room with some pictures and things like that. If I was dating someone and they told me that if I didn’t get rid of it, that they wouldn’t move in I would be like bye forever. That tells you a lot about someone.

If I was the girlfriend, the only reason this would upset me is because it hurts my heart to think about young love lost like that 💔

the ending was nice but i still dont trust her based on the horrible insensitive things she said and the ultimatum she placed on him. it mightve been best in the long run for him to pick the ring but i wish them the best

The weirdest thing about saying "why not bury her like a normal person?" is that burying someone is really expensive..the amount of things you have to pay for could put you in serious debt especially when the person passes unexpectedly & then depending the type of cemetery, you pay to maintain the burial

The main thing that’s gross about remains is the fact that they’re usually not clean (like decomposing and stuff). Stones don’t decompose. Therefore it’s not gross.

This girl is so annoying. Like how dare her say it’s not “normal” to do that. If you have never felt loss, you have no idea what the person is going thru. She needs to stop judging, so frustrating. Even if she is sorry, should never of talked to him like that.

holy shit this girl is on like, some beyond level of “jealousy”. This is like when you’ve spoken about people being “jealous” or “competing” with their current partners LATE partners! this is just sad and weird. why does she think it’s the most bizarre thing?? i think that’s lovely and i didn’t know u could do that and i will totally put that in my will i wanna be some drip tf

I knew from the get go that the gf hasn't experienced the loss of someone she loves. If she had, she 10000% would not be acting like this. I have bears made out of my dead grandparents' shirts and I have small urns of their ashes. If ANY person in my life tried to make me get rid of them, I would never speak to that person again. He needs to give up on her, as much as it'll hurt.

even now I try to get my bf to talk about his girlfriend that died tragically when they were in high school. I actually encouraged him to go visit her grave on her 10 year anniversary since he was on the fence about it.. And I’m so thankful that he had someone who loved him at a time when he needed it. That being said, I’m glad she realized she was being childish and dramatic.

I would actually find that sweet that he cherished his late wife like that. It gives her a great chance at also being cherished in their current relationship. The wife is dead, it's not like she lives in another country, now that would be a red flag. He should have also been upfront about the ring because it can come across as a bit weird that he failed to mention it for that long.

What the hell- Why is she competing against a dead woman 💀

Lost my husband in 2017. He was 31 and we had a son who was 2 years old at the time. I was blessed enough to meet my now partner a few months after. Got SO much grief from people thinking it was too soon. He lost his fiance in 2015. Being with him saved me. We understand each other's love for our lost spouses. It's just a normal thing that we miss them and still grieve and love them. To us, it's weird that someone would be jealous but maybe it's because we are both in the situation to understand.

My mom just passed and if ANYONE ever told my dad to get rid of anything of hers i would flip. Mementos of loved ones is completely normal and I would want anyone who would be comforted by it to have one

The way she uses the word "normal' stands out to me in particular, i hate how she's shaming him for how he grieves,

i know it’s not the same but i have a tattoo on my wrist in my fathers handwriting telling me “i love you! dad”. my step father has been in my life for a long, long time and he adores it. nobody can compete with your first whatever the relationship is, but that doesn’t mean the next doesn’t matter. it’s sad his girlfriend doesn’t see the potential of love he has given and will further give. very insecure i would say and she knew what she was getting herself into.

I don’t get how M completely changed her tune out of nowhere… glad she is getting therapy though, seems verrrrrrry necessary.

All I’m thinking is the gf has GOT to go.

You guys are so mature and understanding. I was immediately like “dump that b*tch!” Lol

Talk to and not at a person about sensitive topics. But you can't dictate terms on someone's grief. I think she's out of line here. Is it an 'outside of the box' situation? Sure. But relationships are a huge amount of compromise. I feel bad for him.

I’m glad she came around and recognized her actions at the end.

Omg my sister, mom, and I were spreading my dads ashes and they blew back on us and it honestly just made us laugh so hard because it was supposed to be a serious moment but we knew he would laugh at it lol

Honestly who cares about the ashes on the ring at this point! She's is a vile manipulating human being! This is not the women for OP! He deserves better and HE WILL FIND BETTER!

See I look at the ashes going back onto their face as the dads last joke 🤷🏽‍♀️

Not insane, that is so sweet and his gf is the one being insane. My grandpa passed away almost three years ago and I have some of his ashes and I have it in my car so he’s with me when I’m traveling.

I find it very sweet. He loved her and cherished her enough to do this. I don't understand "M" if my boyfriend did this it shows how much of a sweet person he is. I personally wouldn't mind , losing a loved one is super hard plus it means so much to him. He has moved on and is with her just let him keep her in his heart. The heart is a big and spacious place.

I don’t like the fact that the GF is shaming him for it. Cruel. I get maybe feeling a little insecure (we all are to some degree and about certain things in life) about it but to put him down for it is a whole different topic and is a red flag for OP.

The ring is such a hit or miss, i do think it creppy, and thinking about what happens when you pass away and someone just happens to buy a person into dimond in a jewelry store, idk not for me.

This breaks my heart. This man loves so deeply. If I knew that my partner had a stone made with his deceased spouses ashes that he takes with him to keep her still on the adventure of life with her. Idk I may fall in love with the guy more. Am I crazy?

I want to be made into a coral reef

I understand having some sort of insecurity over if he really loves you, or if you’re just there so he’s not lonely. I get it, love makes you feel crazy. But if that’s the case, either address these insecurities CALMLY with your SO, or don’t be in a relationship with someone with a deceased spouse. It sounds like she can’t handle this kind of relationship. OP sounds like an absolute gem, and what he’s doing is BEAUTIFUL and I commend him for that. She needs to understand that love for a deceased person never goes away, as you always carry the brightest memories of them with you. And if she can’t handle that, she needs to be real with herself and him, rather than gaslighting and harassing him to throw away LITERAL ASHES

'I asked if I could put the stone away in a drawer' He shouldn't even have to ask that!!

People who get it in their head to be jealous of, or think they're in some sort of competition with, someone who's deceased? I can't comprehend it. How would you want to be honored if you were to pass? You'd want him to chuck you? Really odd.

Turning your wife into a ring isn't insane I mean you can have the ashes even turned into a tattoo, I'm having my parents turned into rings when they pass and i'm goin to keep them together since they are forever soulmates

I’ve always told my significant other that when I pass make sure I am cremated and use my ashes to make necklaces or rings for our daughter and son and then find something cool to do with the rest of me (as long as it’s not spreading me anywhere.. I don’t want to be spread out at the Grand Canyon or anywhere but like you said maybe a coral reef, or make the rest of me into 2 or 3 medium sized stones that look like a big crystal for my kids & him to display in their home.. something like that!)

I think it’s so, SO inappropriate to force someone to get over the death of a loved one. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if my S/O kept their former partners ashes in any form. I’m grateful to them for loving my partner before I got the chance to, and I’m glad their memory can be a blessing.

I used to be terrified of death, I can understand knowing that something in your home used to be a person would freak some ppl out. She handled it poorly, but I am glad she managed to amend the mistake she made, and that they reconciled.

Hey, that's not what gaslighting is! It's been used recently like it's a synonym for lying or guilting someone but it's a serious form of habitual emotional abuse that goes on over a long period of time (months to years), not a one-off situation. It's intentional, the abuser purposely makes the victim question their own reality over time.

Its good that she thought about it and researched it in order to understand him. And that shes getting help to work through it.

The one thing that stands out to me is that SHE KNEW!!! She KNEW that he was a widower when she started seeing him (I imagine that “why are you single?” question would’ve popped up at some point) She KNEW that when people die, their loved ones will have some kind of special way to commemorate them, whether it be a graveside, an urn, a plaque, something. This one happens to be the diamond. She KNEW he kept the wedding rings for the sentimental value they held for him. So WHY when she KNEW all of this stuff would she be all angry about it. Who think “How dare my new partner commemorate their dead spouses memory!!” NO. No-one normal would be having this run through their head. If you don’t want to date a widower and all the stuff that comes with that person, then don’t date them. If you can’t handle it then don’t date them. Let them find someone who can handle it.

If I died and was cremated I would rather become a beautiful gemstone than sit in an urn, spread around, or sealed into a necklace/keychain

it's not remains... its a physical memory

honestly having ur ashes pressed into a stone and made into jewelry is now what i want done with my ashes

I actually think it is so so beautiful to turn the ashes into a stone, you just turn the person you loved into art and you just can keep her even closer to you, its one of the most romantic thing ive ever heard tbh

I highly doubt it was just “her being uncomfortable being around someone’s remains”. She was jealous of his late wife and competing with a ghost. OP shouldn’t be with someone that insecure and insensitive. When someone close to you passes, your grief becomes part of you, and to truly be in a healthy relationship, your partner needs to love and respect ALL OF YOU, including your grief. OP’s gf has shown she is not capable of that, so that loving and compassionate man deserves someone who does.

I would totally be fine with someone making a stone from ashes of someone they loved.

my family turned our late-matriarch into gems on necklaces, I bring her every time I go out and go on an adventure and it's so nice having her with me, she lived far away so I feel like she finally gets to experience life with me now. it's really comforting.

Why is he calling his late wife “ex”? I think this ring is a really sweet gesture and if I have enough money… I would want to do this for my spouse if he died. If any new significant other felt uncomfortable about it… They’re too insecure for me. I would dump their ass.

my boyfriend used to get weirded out that i would hang out with my dead (ex?) boyfriends mom but i explained that i was no longer romantically tied or in love with that person. i explained that it was more so an eternal platonic love at this point and of course i’m going to miss him and i don’t think i’ll ever stop mourning. he’s now comfortable with it, with that perspective. it’s not like i’m still in love with an ex. it’s hard to conceptualize, especially if someone’s never had a major death happen to them - but i think sitting down and talking is very important. it’s okay to keep memorials and little pieces with you of someone who’s gone. this girlfriend sounds out of bounds. i think if i didn’t have first hand experience i would be self conscious too, but if it was explained to me i would let go. there’s no one to compete with in this specific scenario. no need for jealousy.

As someone who’s in a long term relationship with someone with a chronic illness and a 40 year average life expectancy - I’m going to 100% have some type of memory keepsake and if someone made me choose between a memory of him and them it would be the memory every time. I can find someone else

2:10 definitely not the same as this but when my best friend passed i kept his ashes and also got part of it turned into jewelry. my CURRENT FIANCE told me that having his ashes in the house with us was weird and creepy, and they also were not supportive at all and told me that "it doesn't matter because ill replace him anyways" the way the his gf not just is being very black and white but also is trying to kind of shame/scare him by saying he won't ever be loved because of this is TRULY disgusting. I used to cry myself to sleep while holding Max's urn and having him with me always as part of a necklace has been a massive comfort. its fine if somebody wouldn't do this personally, but shaming people who chose to do this and guilt tripping them is just not okay at all

i have my issues with my stepfather, but the one thing i will always respect him for is how he respects my moms love for my deceased father. we celebrate his birthday, their anniversary, and even the day he passed. she wears his wedding ring, talks about him all the time and they even visit his gravestone together. there are pictures of both their weddings right next to each other. its such a sweet thing to see and this guy shouldnt accept anything less than that

Honestly the girl is AH. It's the mother of his child of course he's always going to care about her and love her. She needs to grow up and get over her self esteem issues

I’m so glad they worked it out, it doesn’t seem like she had malicious intent, just that she does not understand loss in the way a lot of people do

As a widow myself this is why I would hesitate to date anyone who hadn’t gone through a similar loss so they wouldn’t feel like they were competing with a dead person and understand that you can love someone and grieve also

As a person who is "afraid" of corpses, I can relate to a sense, but I had my grandparents' ashes in my home after their cremation and that didn't bother me. It sounds like she probably has a lot of phobia surrounding death and dying and therapy would be best for her. At first I was thinking that it was a case of her wishing he hadn't had a "past" before her, but I think in the end she just is probably very fearful of death and possibly ghosts or being haunted. Definitely something therapy can help work through.

Gosh it doesnt seem like most of the people in the comments listened to the whole video. He explained she didnt understand and thought it was weird. But came around full circle. Arent relationships supposed to be about communication and working through trials. I actually think they both showed a lot of maturity in the end.

The wind blowing back on the ashes my dad as a prank if he was a ghost would do that shit on purpose 😂😂😂😂

Morgan’s thoughts and Justin’s confusion😂 12:26

I went through a period of about 11 years where at least two people in my life died every year. How people grieve and move on from loss is incredibly personal and depends on the individual as well as their relationship with the deceased. Trying to control somebody else's grief is absolutely cruel and ridiculous. His wife is dead she's never coming back and yet she feels so threatened by her speaks more about her than it does about him. My brother grandfather and Aunt are all on a shelf in a room in our house and I can't imagine what I would do if my boyfriend said he was uncomfortable with their remains being there and gave me an ultimatum like that, I'd probably just leave him

One thing I would like to make clear I don’t think he should get rid of the rings or the ashes. I definitely think though he should make a dedicated special box for it to be put there where he doesn’t need to bring it everywhere he goes. If he is truly ready to be in a relationship he doesn’t need to take his ex-wife with him everywhere he goes anymore

I would probably be upset that he keeps it in a drawer, I would rather he put it in a nice place in his house. Maybe late wife's favorite spot in the house? And I would be perfectly fine with him bringing the stone in adventures (maybe not our honeymoon)

The fact that many people here aren’t willing to forgive her after this shows why we these days stay single and lonely. How she handled this was insensitive but it came from a place of fear. Many women don’t EVER take ownership of their stupid actions and try to make up for it. Every relationship hits a rock. He deserved that apology just as much as he deserves happiness

Just got to the end. I'm real glad they resolved it. And by resolved it, meaning after you explain your side, it's up to the other person to do the research and educate themselves. Worked out well. Also...*hundo P. Haha!

That’s heartless. Imagine being so insecure that you can’t even stand being around a DEAD PERSON. Like come. On. His wife wouldn’t ever want him to do that shit. That’s sick.

Absolutely not insane. The respect this man has for his passed wife is beautiful. A person who is secure and understands respect and mourning will NOT have an issue with this. There’s no competition with a woman who is sadly passed on. She needs to look in on herself and reflect a bit

I did something similar with my grandfathers ashes. But instead of pressing him into a stone, I bought a “poison ring” and put some of his ashes in it. My whole family did something similar. And when everyone got to have their own piece of jewelry with his ashes in them, we Buried the rest of his ashes in the same plot that his parents were buried in. The people around me thought it was a bit weird, but it gives me so much comfort especially in a job Interview or when I’m leaving on a trip, to have him with me for good luck or protection. Even just fidgeting with the ring if I’m anxious or having a bad day Gives me so much comfort. Not very traditional or common but, it’s a lovely sentiment. And I hope when I die one day everyone can have the option to do the same for me. I really do feel for this guy. He has a lot more patience then I ever would have had. But it’s nice to see that his girlfriend could change and learn in the end instead of die on this hill.

I was told to call cremated remains "cremains" and turning them into a stone is beautiful way to remember a person by

You have to be insanely insecure to make that demand. Definitely not a dealbreaker.

Clearly the girlfriend has never lost someone close to her….you NEVER forget them, ashes or not. She isn’t replacing his wife & never will. It’s a new and different relationship and it doesn’t make his first marriage any less or more. The girlfriend has some serious insecurities and he should find someone else. The suggestion to throw away his dead wife’s ashes?! Disgusting. I really hope he didn’t do that

I know being someone's second love can make you feel unsecured and you want to be put first in the relationship, but in this situation, you always need to remember that there can be someone after you as well and how would you want your man to act if you become an ex. In this particular situation - would you feel okey if he would throw your ashes in the trash just because his new girlfriend asks him too, would you feel it is appropriate then?! This is also why I don't understand why new girlfriend/wife interferes in man's relationship with their children. There are no ex children, of course you want to be special, but again, if you would become an ex would you find it normal that he forgets about your child just because he has a new woman.

This ending is everything 🙌 its better than I could have thought

The fact that he is catering to her immaturity bothers me. She is being heartless and completely lacking compassion for what he went through.

Me being Asian & Buddhist we believe in reincarnation therefore we cremate & if someone did this for me when I passed away I’d be so honored . I do not think it’s weird at all but that’s just me.

My dad has been married four times. The first time was to my birth mother who is insane. The second time was to my mom and then I have two stepmom’s. The first stepmom died of cancer. When my dad remarried, my stepmom knew that the first stepmom was still a part of his life. They have a picture of her in their home, as well as a couple of her belongings and some things that she made because she was very crafty. It doesn’t bother, my second stepmom in the least because there’s no competition. Now it would be different if he was treating my first stepmom, despite being dead better than my second stepmom. Like if he was saying things like we can’t cook with onions because my deceased wife didn’t like onions. That would be crazy, but he doesn’t do stuff like that.

I think the story were the fathers ashes blow back into his daughters faces is kinda funny and sweet. If they had a good relationship with him, of course. So, it’s kinda like their dad playing a little joke on them like ‘SIKE’ and going onto them because he wants to stay with them because he loves them. This’s just my take though.

I usually don’t get pissed enough to comment but I cannot comprehend how someone would react with such malice towards a sweet gesture for a deceased love. What confuses me the most is how OP says she was understanding and supportive towards the whole thing up until he mentions his wife’s ashes are in the stone. I genuinely have no words other than what utter selfishness that displays. Poor guy:(

We put my grandma's ashes into a matching tattoo that my mom and I have. Making ashes into a stone is pretty common now. M was the ah here. 'Just wish it didn't exist' she's a freaking child.

A lot of comments are saying that M was immature and competing with the dead wife, but I actually think she has some serious issues surrounding death and grieving. She has never lost anyone, but she's in a serious relationship with a man who lost his wife. She has never grieved or dealt with death. She was raised with the attitude that dead people belong in the ground, and anything else is creepy. Suddenly she was faced with a different worldview, and her upbringing kicked in. It seemed almost like a phobia. I'm hoping they can work things out, and I'm glad she independently decided to get therapy to face her fears and phobias sure death.

I read somewhere that ashes really can’t be made into a stone because the carbon has already been deprived from the cremation