My Husband Throws Temper Tantrums (What Can I Do?) 

Plot twist. The mom is trying to save her lol

Amen

She said her mother-in-law is very manipulative...so is her husband. The apple did not fall far from the tree. Both the mothe in law and son are very disordered individual. These types never change. They do everything to have power & control over others. The husband throws his temper tantrums to scare the wife. ALL planned out & intentional. He wants power & control over his wife so she does not leave him. This is what all abuser want power & control over others.

@@savannahgoogle9367no, they are abusive people themselves. Her comments were slamming the wife. There’s a reason her husband is the way he is.

Yesssss

That's the first thing I said. He sugar coated it. This is my exact experience. Broke things around the home. Yells/screams belittles me. I finally left abruptly with my 8 month old. He was yelling and screaming at me when our son was 1 month old and that was my wake up call. At the advice of my therapist, I packed an emergency bag and left it at my bff's home. And I planned my exit with my therapist and best friends. Left 6 months later and haven't been back since. I praise God every day. He's a pillar of our community and when I confided in "wise counsel" about his behavior, it wasnt condemned and I was asked what I did for him to behave this way. Because he couldnt posssssssibly really be different behind closed doors than he is in his community. Praying that she gets out safely. She will. I know she will 🤎

No 😂

Yes! Plus it’s important to know that if she decides to go to counseling with him… the worst beating by my ex-husband (who did the same behaviors Sarah described) was after a joint counseling session during which I was honest about his behavior. I was also pregnant with my 3rd when I left. I’m grateful that I got out and into a whole new life decades ago.

@@GwenMotoGirl mine always wanted to get a new counselor every time they would get to the root of his narcissism. Suddenly that counselor didn’t know what they were talking about and we had to find someone new. I’m glad you got out.

@@lzal9204 thank you. I hope you are living a peaceful life now.

100% correct. I really hope she gets out with her kids.

Cause of his own childhood

same with military...MANY have a deep narcissistic complex and entitlement complex....ironically so many retire from the military and become... COPS, FBI, CIA....in other words, very dangerous men with connections in places most cant touch

Be aware that you might not safe with your family because he is a cop and might have his collegues on his side. So you may have eventually go to another state not to be harrassed anymore.

Soooo true!

He specifically chooses items that are significant to her to destroy. He's in full control.

My ex I left last year never showed his true self in public they all think he's wonderful.

Very good point. If everyone thinks he's a good person, because he only ever shows that side of him at home...he's abusive and not simply someone with 'anger issues'. Not that the latter wouldn't be bad enough. But showing this side of him specially towards her and only her is a very bad sign. And showing it in front of the kids? Repeatedly? Run.

I’ve been in this situation for 31 years, get out if you can!

Yep

You are extremely courageous and resilient. Best to leave without warning when he is out.

Sometimes I wonder why abusive relationships are quite common. Is it because people pick their partners stupidly or people change drastically too often

​@@QuanHoang2x01 I think both. Another one is like my parents (they were good people) but no compatible so they fought a lot. I guess before things got physical they decided to break it off. I've only had 2 serious relationship. First amazing, calm sweet guy. Had to ended in part because he wanted to have kids. I didn't. Next guy I knew how he was because I had met him years before, but nothing serious between us. Till 21-22 I "decided" to move with him, we would fight, about stupid stuff. I accepted his behavior cuz I had already put a lot into the relationship. (Moved states) I tried leaving when I noticed my behavior getting unrecognizable to me. (I guess I could excuse him yelling because he had a rough life. But I didn't want to forgive myself for yelling back. That's not who I was before him) Eventually he got me back, then things got worse, got physical, I again tried to excuse him in my head. My breaking point was when I got physical. "I know myself, this is not me, and if I am indeed an abuser, being with him is going to make it worse" It is all dumb and weird how I rationalized things But me becoming a bad person made me scape the relationship. Totally my fault for even entering that relationship. I still blame myself because I knew better. I was stupid. He used to talk about love And how love conquers all... I've never believed in that, and I can't love someone I had to walk on eggshells. Maybe I'm heartless but my love is conditional. Gladly we didn't have kids.

@@QuanHoang2x01because childhood abuse is so common in many forms. When we are young we are not aware.

Good for you and well done for your children...Takes courage and a strong woman to walk away...Kudos to you....Happy life to you and your children. ...You are an inspiration for others....From New Zealand ...🕊️🌍....

Exactly.

Pure manipulation

Yes. He is a psychopath.

The Duluth Power And Control Wheel Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Why Does He Do That? Lundy Bancroft

When the abused leaves the situation is exponentially worse… say nothing… disappear

Totally agree. Don't announce this: make a plan, then act and leave; go no contact.

💯 agree!

It is stupid to say ahead and why is he saying this ? He is good but sometimes in La La Land .

A safety plan is a requirement along with a strong support system.

Exactly. Leave without saying anything, then call him from afar. Get restraining order if needed

Yeah.... Just do it! Don't talk about it... Take action... Dont warn him just get the hell out

Sarah, get a cheap burner phone and hide it outside your home with extra keys, a credit card, this can escalate so fast and so dramatically it will shock you into freezing. Have a plan. Practice finding your go bag and phone. Make sure you have people’s numbers in the phone that you can call. Practice your plan so you know what to do. ❤️ I’m so sorry

I dont believe an angry person can "accidentally kill" their spouse. That is just an excuse so people wont be angry at them. They know what they feel and they know what they are doing. They are not 5 yrs old anymore.

Actually, he shows he is in full control. He isn't in jail, jobless or friendless because he knows when to hide himself.

Yeah, he sounds like an entitled narcissist.

textbook narcissist!

Men like this always blame others for their outbursts... And I've learned to pay attention to their actions immediately after... They may apologize tomorrow, but abusers often feel dignified for an extended period after an outburst. A good person who had a momentary outburst will feel mortified with themselves, apologize and then take steps to CHANGE.

He is a psycho sociopath . Her family could be in danger , so she needs to be somewhere that he does not know . He can follow family and friends .

I came here to the comments to say exactly this. I’ll add to it that she also needs to be extremely careful once she HAS left. Especially with him being an ex cop. He’ll be able to find out addresses and the like. She needs to leave, ensure she has security and protection, and also ensure that she watches those kids like a hawke because they will often harm the kids if they can’t get to the mother. If there is any sign of stalking behaviour report, report, report because the statistics show that if there is stalking behaviour the chances of a homicide attempt is 76%

Yep it sucks. And I kept getting surprised pregnancies. I’m scared to death sometimes even be sick. I need his help let alone be pregnant again. Women need emotional stability when they’re pregnant or when they are having a rough PMS month or are sick with something and can’t take care of the kids… If a man can’t even handle those things . It doesn’t help the relationship and it does not instill confidence in the relationship. Then they wonder why you don’t trust him and why you struggle to care about them, and have feelings for them . Because women get touchy-feely, happy feelings from being supported, loved and lead not dominated while also, trying to be your mother because you won’t do anything on your own and throw giant temper tantrums. It makes me toxic and that’s my fault but it’s really hard to stay levelheaded while your husband is yelling and screaming and invalidating and ignoring what you need …. Sometimes you just snap.

Image when your husband intimidates you, smashes things and screams at you and you think it's a great idea to bring not one, but three babies into this home.

I don’t have to imagine it.

@@sherryd3299don’t shame her

It’s definitely not fun

Its one thing to get angry (feelings are feelings), but to lose control to a point that destruction of things are involved, run. That's one step away from destroying you.

She is describing an ex president pretty well, Someone who throws things against walls, verbally bullies & it sounds like there's a problem with her husband's mom & dad

@@cynthianolder3557 This is about husband + wife relationships *not* politics. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@@FreeSpirit47 Geez! like I don't know that. Her description of some of his behavior made me think of 45, who is a child in a man's body

He breaks her thibgs but not his. He is in full control here.

I find it hard to believe he’s not already hitting her or their kids.

It's definitely worse than she's describing. It's justifying his bad behavior by saying he's good sometimes, which I'm sure he is. But it's not just about her or her husband. There are little ones who need protection from this abuse.

As soon as she said “he was a police officer” I was like girl RUN. And I have no hate towards good cops, but the fact that he’s being violent (even if not towards her) is a red flag. The most important thing is keeping the kids safe and they are not safe in a house like that, mentally, emotionally or physically.

I think a big red flag is he’s an ex-police officer. What did he do to lose that job?

The red flag for me was that she tried to frame the question around gifts. When you're in a HIGHLY abusive relationship, you try to throw life lines out in ways that seem way more innocent but also strange. It's like your brain knows something is wrong and that you need help, but you don't know how to directly say it.

This is so true and they’ll tell you that when they grow up!!!

It's only a question of time when it's going to be her.

And the kids are absolutely being deeply deeply affected by this

I'm so sorry. We can't get free even when they are gone. 😢

I was just saying this. I'm 53 and this is still with me.

40% of cops are reported to beat their wives. Most are on a major power trip.

I think important point was wonder what he did so he is no longer a cop

@@sandicook10 I had a project manager who was an ex-cop. He was the definition of an asshole and self-righteous prick. We ended up having him fired after one of our largest clients blew up on him for constantly interrupting and not treating the client like a client...you know, the people who sign our checks. You're right - EX cop for a reason.

Terrifying, but not surprising. I'm not saying that all cops are like this, but people like him are more likely to look for jobs that puts them in a position of authority/power.

And in the United States, suburbia is teeming with guns. Get out, Sarah.

.....and to accept that behaviour from their own partners, bosses etc.

@@amethystfeathers7324not accept, look for. Abused children LOOK for this behavior because it’s safe & familiar

This is what I’m dealing with. My husband is one of the kids raised like this. He is just like his father. Thankfully we don’t have kids. I just need to leave.

Indeed break the cycle.

Im sooo glad you left and did take the baby. You did the 100% right thing. I’m happy for you ❤❤❤❤

@@susannehuber3996 Thanks! Zero regrets.

Did he ever come after you?

@@amarie6223 Yes, but my brother-in-law came over with his friends. I called the police because I had a restraining order. Didn't see him for a couple of years after that.

Except he was already down hill, dragging you down

Glad you saw he was demented. Life is hard... We need people we can trust

My mom wripped a beloved bracelet off my wrist, breaking it in the process, and punched a hole in my acoustic guitar. She seemed to act like she didn't know how to control her rage and wished she hadn't done this thing.

Yep

All the things you mentioned though make for a very “fun” divorce

The Duluth Power And Control Wheel

Period point blank nothing else to think about he not stupid 🙄

Me as well

Wasn’t married to one but dated one. The way they destroy your self-esteem is soul crushing. I’m still trying to heal from that relationship and I don’t think I ever will. I’m scared to even date again because I’m terrified I’ll have to deal with another one.

I'm married to an Abusive narcissist and have a divorce lawyer. My problem is due to community property within the marriage, I'm unable to buy my own home without half being his. I'm wife # 6 and the wife before me died of a gunshot to the head. I had no idea how evil a person could be.

Same

My 1st thought was narc too.

My husband that behaves this way also says he will off himself if I leave. He has finally stopped breaking everything in the house but he still says he will off himself if I leave which I feel is manipulative but my family loves him.

@@michellegirau8136 My ex did too. They will do anything to not lose control of the situation. I left my ex years ago without any warning. He's still alive. Your family doesn't know the real him. You don't deserve to live in fear.

@@michellegirau8136 psychology in seattle has a series on domestic abuse, you might find some guidance there

@@michellegirau8136 Let your family marry him then. You don't have to stay there due to his childish blackmail.

Infamy. Run. Obvious to me your family is sick, then. Mine did the same... They don't care, get out... Run for your life

I am so glad your mum’s approach worked. From my experience a partner who does this strangely smashes only your things indicating they are able to control what they are doing.

LOL, love this.

This is gold 😂

Brilliant!

That's risky. Glad it worked.

Yeah, I’m scared for them. What’s going to happen if she does try to leave? Is he going to become violent towards her or their kids?

Shes not going anywhere. Her relatives have already told her to go. She stays and still sleeps with him. She will let him pummel her because she has no dignity or self respect.

Probably one of the ones that use steroids too.

was a cop...........did he leave or was he sacked?

Because you are a hateful bigot?

Samessss

my dad too😂😂

Mine too

Narcissist. Google it.

You better not take care of him in his old age

Sounds like my ex. His children don't speak to him. He and his mother (also a huge narc) are in a manipulative spiral. His brothers hate him. His long term live-in girlfriend told him to find another place to stay when she retires later this year. He's old, and his good looks don't have the same effect to get him through life. But these folks manage to find new victims.

@@SoulfulVeg WOW.... unbelievable. Unfortunately, there are too many guys like this out there.

yes, it's bad enough to marry someone like this but i cannot fathom bringing kids into the picture...people have lost their minds.

Are we related? 😮😂

Amen 🙌🏽

Exactly

Yep

That is emotional and psychological abuse.

Breaking things is a form of intimidation. Are you happier with him than you were before him?

LEAVE. So ridiculous.

I grew up dealing with this. It is deflating to one's sense of self and safety. Us kids felt trapped. I have anxiety and self esteem issues to this day because of it.

Typical female has kids with a "bad guy" the divorces and trys to find a beta male🤣.

Little late for that.

The sex is what keeps the women holding on. Sad but true

Sex? 😂 Women do not stick around for the sex. Trust. @@hillarybillary21

@@flyin.hawaiianthat or fear (e.g., fear of abandonment), manipulation, or more. Or a combination. Impossible to know what’s going on with her with what ha covered during the call.

.. You would have lost all that if you died too! Better to start over. And God forbid, a disaster like a flood, fire , hurricane come... Want to be stuck with his person?

I hope you are beginning to heal x

@@amyp66 I genuinely appreciate that. Just saw him today for the first time in a month. I needed this. It was hard, thank you 🥺 I am healing the best I can :)

Why is it that they will do everything except go to therapy?

@@djlivvy46 It's well documented that these kinds of people do not do well with therapy. They don't want to be any better ultimately and they lie. I was married to someone like this we had two goes at therapy. Once home and discussing things it was as if we had both had different sessions, he had experienced a totally different outcome than I had and had felt the therapist had been on his side.

@@amyp66 - to be honest, I did think that as I was typing that comment. They either need to do something different or just leave women alone.

This is what I was afraid of and why I just kept staying even though he yells a lot… and throws giant adult temper tantrums. Eventually, he realized I was getting more serious about leaving and started growing up . Hopefully it’s permanent … because if it’s not, and we go backwards again… I don’t know if I can stay

@@Jaxmusicgal23you can get protection against the emotional abuse on children

Yep!! THIS IS WHY MOTHERS STAY. TO absorb so the kids dont have to. This right here!!!! Otherwise you leave your chikdren defenseless.

commenting so can refer to.

My dad was this way and now I will not stand to hear my husband raise his voice or take a tone with me. I correct it on the spot with a firm warning. I won’t have it. Lived through that as a kid, not going to continue that as an adult kthanks.

fawn/fight. different trauma responses.

Why are men like this 😢 Why would a little boy emulate that??

Wow…. if my husband burned my wedding dress over, not being able to go out to dinner… yeah that would be the end for me especially if he was expecting intimate time after throwing a giant temper tantrum and doing that.. Like, what did you think was going to happen? You think that makes a woman want to be with you? No, it makes us want to run the other direction! It’s never gotten that bad, but he definitely has blamed me for stuff that it should be on his shoulders . With how he acts and neglect duties, and and or the kids/our relationship.

@@Jaxmusicgal23 The ex broke many of my things. I LOVE to do needlework. Better than drinking or cocaine, right! There was a set of needlework patterns that were very expensive that I didn't think I would ever be able to have. When I found them in a thrift store for less than $5. I was thrilled! He *hated* my needlework & time I spent doing it. Probably because it didn't involve him & so many people remarked at how beautiful my needlework was. When I looked for the needlework patterns, I had gotten at such a steal, I couldn't find them. For a week, I looked, thinking maybe I had misplaced them. Two weeks later, when he came home from work, he sat his brief case down. I decided to look in his briefcase. There were the needlework patterns, he had taken a hole puncher to them so that they were unreadable, useless. When he saw the patterns in my hand, he just smiled at me & said "OOPS". Right or wrong, I went out to the garage, grabbed each of his fishing poles, snapped each one & yelled "OOPS". That was the only time I retaliated like that & it felt so good! He cheated on me several times, lied to me, spent money behind my back. I realized it was never going to be any better. Leaving then divorcing him was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Unfortunately, our children sided with him even though they had witnessed his cruelty toward me. Only one person out of all the people who I thought were my friends, stuck by me.

That's one of the sickest things/ Shame on him. Thanks buddy...yeah you are right ..won't be needing that...sorry I wore it at all. He's a tortured soul

​@@FreeSpirit47- unfortunately loyalty to the patriarchy is strong.

That’s pretty much what started my husband changing too. He had finally gotten me so worked up that I screamed in his face that wish we never gotten married, and that he lied to me about who he was when we were dating . So let him know that all the stuff he was concerned about secrecy was not me cheating on him… though he likes to blame my friendship with our former pastor and call it “emotional affair”…. Which it wasn’t. as soon as I realized he cared about me as more than a friend and started showing it in unspoken, but obviously ways… I immediately pulled away from the friendship. But supposedly, I still had an affair with him “ emotionally”🤷‍♀️ Yeah, it’s not an affair for my husband when he jacks off to completion while watching pornography on many websites constantly . he’s now dealing with that, but I don’t appreciate considering what I did an affair, but what he did was not, and he downplays it and the effect it had on me. I told him even if it wasn’t emotional fair that should be a sign of a problem not a reason to be angry at me because women don’t do that kind of stuff, unless something is missing in their marriage . But I did respect him, and moved away from that friendship because I respect him and my marriage so much. And then told him the truth, that a lot of the secrecy was me trying to plan away of escape in case things continue to be bad, because I was pretty much done and wanting legal separation so I could sort my own head out and get some help . Kind of like a last ditch effort to save our marriage. I had gotten to the point and have gotten to the point where I have absolutely no romantic feelings for my husband. I do love and care about him as a woman but it’s gonna take a long time to develop those back again. He seems to be changing albeit slow. The only thing I’m concerned about is he has “changed” before and it usually will last for a few months and then we were right back to the same dysfunction. Though this is the first time that I’ve actually shown proof that I was not just saying I wanted to leave, but that I was actually making plans to leave, even if it meant, leaving our nice house, and all the people we knew who were not in support of my decisions. Time will tell whether or not this is permanent but I really really hope and pray it is because if it’s not, and we spiral backwards, I feel like I am pretty much done … I tried everything for a decade, and even for most of that thought it was me who was the problem, so I got all the help I could possibly get and tried to heal from my past trauma… but it did not fix everything obviously. I’m tired of the worse of me coming out because I get pushed so far I break… that is still on me, and it is still my responsibility to not get there… it’s really hard when someone pushes every single one of your buttons once they get upset. Again, my responsibility to recognize and walk away. It shouldn’t be like this and I pray that the kids will start seeing improvement as well as me .

You are fortunate, and your experience is extremely rare in the world of abuse.

He's just biding his time. It's an act.

​@@Jaxmusicgal23- trying to leave a relationship is one of the most dangerous times in a woman's life. I don't think you should have told him you were thinking about leaving. Please be careful.

❤❤❤ sending you love for what you've been through! I hope you have found peace now.

@@thenewmexicantexan Thank you much! I appreciate the well wishes. And yes…I’ve found peace, healing (via therapy and a healthy environment), and true love with my wonderful current partner of 12 years! ☺️🙏✨🫶

I understand why feminists are pro abortion now

I don't get why women continue having kids with these terrible men. I was in this situation, but I resolved not to bring another life into that hellscape. It made it easier to leave.

@@AlexisDavis16 I’m glad you have healed and that you are in a better place. 🙏💛✨ it’s wild to look back and see how brainwashed and injured we were, and how much healed and better we are now. It’s a blessing, cuz many women don’t make it out alive. 🥺😢

He did just recently and let’s just say WOAH. It’s called we’re on the verge of divorce! Jan 8th, 2024

@@flashthecorgi2053 Thanks I'll have to check that out.

This man won’t tell the whole truth. It would be useless. It would just make him mad at her. He doesn’t think he is to blame. He is a narcissist.

Agree -- women should NEVER have kids with a man until he has proven himself to be a freaking ADULT!

Because you think it’s you, you think if only I’m better, your whole confidence goes, your network disappears and quite often your health.

@@jemmajames6719 exactly!!! my hubby and his family convinced me that I was the problem because of my abuse and trauma background…. I have stayed for 17 years , 12 of those being me, working really hard on myself. Now that I’ve gotten healthy , it was really bad for about a year and a half…. I got really healthy this past year and it got really tough. I wouldn’t play his games anymore. But I stuck around and I think maybe he’s family realized he hast to grow up . I need to see some consistency though. I pray to God that maybe he’s changing because if he’s not, I don’t know how much longer I can stick around for this .

Exactly. You can hear her accepting his behaviour over and over. He has no incentive to change because she's enabling his behaviour.

Yep

my dad was like that and i have cptsd from the walking on eggshells people pleaser believing something was wrong with me causing his anger…. And thats how i ended up dating narcissists ( unknowingly)because it seemed familiar. 😅

@@jenniferbujak2307 This.

How the dilly did you get to the assumption that his entire PD is abusive and will cover for him? I personally know several current, and former, PD and S.W.A.T. cops that would absolutely rip this boy a new chute if they heard what this man-child was doing to his family! No doubt, cops like this pig-child should be fired immediately, and permanently. No doubt there are definitely some bad cops out there, but to assume their whole PD is just as corrupt simply because they're in the same department is making some pretty insane assumptions.

That’s exactly what I thought. Former cop basically guarantees no chance or reconciliation. He will react violently when she goes. She will likely need an order of protection.

What does being a Leo have to do with this? I am a Leo and never done any of this.

@@charminglady2011exactly. Being in law enforcement does not equal abuser.

@@terribrun9207 no, only 40% of the time. 40% of all LEOs are known domestic abusers. If you aren't one yourself, four out of 10 of your colleagues are. I'm not comfortable with those odds. Worse, if you know it's happening and do nothing to stop it, you're the real evil. ACAB.

Misery loves company! Typical female response to run away.

​@@dabd8175Accountability is so HaRd. These chats are for adults. Go sit in the corner.😂 ​

​@@dabd8175sounds like you have tantrums yourself 😂

Disregard resident incel @dabd8175 He is forever bitter that no woman would touch him with a ten foot pole. Just leave him to his video games and Andrew Tate sausage fest feed.

You know if it was a female calling in he would be saying “typically female emotions” lol! Anyways Ms. Debbie, I agree!

Yep. That’s what stopped me. And realizing that unless I can prove in court that he would abuse the kids verbally and neglect them… the kids will still have to deal with him, and it will be with him by themselves without me there… I don’t like that option. He has been acting different in a better way than he ever has so maybe he’s figured it out …. Finally…. But right now I’m not holding my breath . I’m praying that God helps me through this . If he permanently changes, I have no problem with staying, but if he falls back into the same crap again … this last time was the last time. I will be ready to get the help I need and pray my way through this . I really hope it doesn’t come to this because I do love and care for him but I also can’t keep falling down into this dark rabbit hole with him … Especially for the kids and for my own sanity /mental health.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I’m so sorry. Glad you got out and you’re starting the healing process! ❤