My Parents Are Controlling and Manipulative

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My Parents Are Controlling and Manipulative
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Опубликовано:

24 июл 2023

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Комментарии : 96

@siegfriedbraun5447 Год назад

I have to wonder if vagueness and being elusive is part of the family abuse pattern.

@debfox Год назад

I feel the same way and people’s rude comments show their lack of understanding of family systems!

@RPMcMurphy33 Год назад

It can be difficult to put into words how loved ones manipulate you because you’ve always been made to feel that you’re wrong.

@JudePi-jx7yo 3 месяца назад

I wonder if he is full of it

@alexnightray3204 Год назад

"I have a core rule: I only speak if I can be heard." I wish I had this YEARS ago!

@warriormanmaxx8991 Год назад

@alexnightray3204 - Great News !! You Have The Core Rule ... NOW !! Yippeee!!

@debfox Год назад

@@warriormanmaxx8991why are you being so rude? 😮

@alexnightray3204 Год назад

@@debfox Nothing we can do about it, it's the internet after all 😉 Rude people will rude. Thank you, hun!

@David-wo9un Год назад

It makes zero sense to call in asking for help when you refuse to give the details Dr. Delony would need to help.

@jerrystauffer2351 Год назад

It's a lifetime of being told not to tell anyone about your home life

@GoldBerryTarot Год назад

@@jerrystauffer2351 Exactly. Clearly a narcissistic family dynamic at play. My parents are like this and the reason I am no contact with them.

@rachelgooden9981 Год назад

So dumb and annoying!

@rachelgooden9981 Год назад

Ok i take that back based on the first comment. 😢

@mustangthings Год назад

Dr D: “what did they do to your sister?” Caller: “uh, so, uh, there was just, yeah, stuff. Stupid stuff.” Hang up the god damn phone and move on to the next caller.

@jennifert2953 Год назад

The vague response I think is comes from being overwhelmed. So much has happened it’s hard to articulate it.

@juliemcgugan1244 5 месяцев назад

It can be paralyzing to voice the fears you have had and abuse you’ve put up with for so long, esp if this is your first time voicing it. It is so hard to keep forcing the words out and stay on track with your train of thought, because you are worried about what comes after, all of those terrible things that have ruminated for so long. But when you are done, you just let out a big breath it feels like you’ve also been keeping inside and your chest and your shoulders immediately feel lighter, esp to have somebody validate it and comfort you. The last things these poor people need is judgement.

@karenKristal Год назад

Im pretty sure that the added complication hes not admitting to is that the parents give him and his sister money. Controlling parents use money as a way to trap their kids. And then those kids grow up and start to rely on that money when weddings and kid come on the scene, and the parents use it as blackmail

@GoldBerryTarot Год назад

💯

@kcourtney6826 Год назад

I was thinking the same thing, people put up with a lot so their not cut out of the will.

@signalfire15 11 месяцев назад

Yep!

@kimvannatter5214 6 месяцев назад

No kidding. I have some distant family where the mom has her kids in an obvious orbit of her, and she would encourage them to buy things they couldn't afford with her money as teens/adults or live on her property and pay cheap rent, so that she could then whip out the guilt trip/you-owe-me card as needed. Really wrecked those kids when they started getting married and had no concept of healthy boundaries

@priscillanieto3322 Месяц назад

Absolutely! Any time as a young adult before I got married I wanted to pay my parents rent or offer to pay my phone bill under their plan, my dad would refuse hardcore. And then when I would stick up for myself against his verbal and mental abuse, he would throw it in my face that as long as I'm a "non paying free loader" in his house that he could treat me however he wanted and I had no right to do anything about it. Then one day in a fight, he actually said the words to me "I don't need you paying me rent so that you can feel free to come and go from my house as you please." Then came my own wedding where my mom paid for everything, so that she could have everything. Nothing I wanted mattered. And it was a wedding foreign to my husband and I. And yet she refused to pay for anything we wanted even though the added bonus was things we wanted were very inexpensive. Then to top it off, we decided to say to hell with it and try to have a court house wedding, to which my parents threatened to disown their young, naive daughter who was desperate to please her parents, if I didn't have a wedding I couldn't afford. Now whenever my parents offer on their own accord to pay for anything, I'm super sus and rarely take it.

@ebullock1000 Год назад

I think this is the first time I’ve yelled at the phone “spit it out!!” Omg how can you call and not have a concrete example?! Oof

@John.Christopher 2 месяца назад

Trauma and anxiety being in front of thousands of people

@ndl78 Месяц назад

@ebullick1000 Anyone who comes from a narcissist family system gets it

@the_review_lady_channel Год назад

All of y’all complaining of this guys vagueness need to realize he likely had this dynamic in his family of origin. It’s probably hardwired into him. Have some grace and realize that he backed his sister, sent a no contact to his parents and called in for help.

@gloriack7976 Год назад

Exactly!!! I have a sneakin suspicion he’s been the mediator his whole life and whether by parental design or survival instinct, he hasn’t worked through that yet.

@Matt-cr4vv 11 месяцев назад

I’m not mad at him or anything but if he wants help you can’t be vague about details someone needs to help you is all.

@shadeekamendez1743 Год назад

No wonder all of these people need to watch this show... If yall can't have sympathy for this person who probably was taught to protect his family,..that such vagueness about family issues was prob taught to him, that part of the family abuse prob has caused him to communicate thia way (as one commentatorr said earlier), then yes YALL NEED TO CONTINUE WATCHING AND LEARN HOW TO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE. ....WHO CRITICIZES SOMEONE WHO CALLED FOR HELP? ....ARE YALL SERIOUS?????!

@ivankrushensky Месяц назад

He needs to start writing things down, for his own good. He sounds like a guy that is just finally starting to realize how he's been manipulated and lied to over the years, but he just can't get it out because he's not even sure what reality is anymore.

@candma4240 Год назад

I appreciated this episode, John. I am in this caller's shoes. He is tied up and torn up by decades of control from his parents, manipulation. Your advice was so helpful to me. Thank you for the caller for calling in and finally starting setting up boundaries with them. I'm there with ya

@myriadhues457 Год назад

This guy sounds like what survivors of cult family dynamics have gone through, especially with the parents demanding he give cold shpulder to his sister and it being so difficult to speak on family details.

@myriadhues457 Год назад

My thought cemented further when he mentioned the sister was trying to walk away from abusive relatiinship that the parents have culty mentality.

@juliemcgugan1244 5 месяцев назад

Don’t they?! I mean, it’s bad when your religion is telling you to cut off family members…it’s a whole other thing when your parents are telling you to cut out a sibling. Esp one running from abuse. So culty and toxic!

@terryellis7692 6 дней назад

Being told to pick sides is literally a narcissist move. It's pitting one sibling against the other and very damaging. Very manipulative. It's bye bye never speak again. The letter was manipulative as well.

@kg6801 Год назад

The judgementalism, intolerance and ignorance in some of the comments is astounding. Yes, having controlling and manipulative parents (or other issues) can make you vague when trying to explain things and make you struggle to explain yourself and even think straight when you're on the spot. That doesn't make someone any less worthy of time than the next person. It's a therapy talk show, not radio speed trivia or an audition for some jumped up tv talent show. Smh. That's also up to John in his experience and the crew to decide how to handle, not these out of touch sections of the audience.

@om617yota8 Год назад

100%, well said.

@9liveslisa Год назад

Act like an adult with your parents. If you react as a child, they will always treat you like a child. I stood up to my father about his BS and he had nowhere to go. We had an adult relationship from then on. I just flat out called him out on his BS and told him I would not tolerate it.

@GoldBerryTarot Год назад

It isn’t always as simple as that. Some families have very immature dynamics with emotionally immature parents. It sounds like his sister is his parent’s scapegoat. I have parents like this and no amount of treating them like adults has ever created a space where they stepped up to be an adult. I was tired of being abused as an adult and cut contact with them. Much better now. What amazes me about this caller is he supported his sister like he did. A true class act.

@kristinecrowley8321 Год назад

@@GoldBerryTarot Same here. My parents would never act like adults or treat me like an adult so I had to give up and go no contact. Not an easy thing to do but necessary for my mental health and my family’s well being(meaning my kids and husband). It’s def not always as easy as taking a stand. When the dysfunction is deep it’s very hard to assert yourself with success.

@jovitarich7078 Год назад

But you never took money from them, I am assuming

@debfox Год назад

That’s nice that your dad actually listened and respected you. Sadly that’s not the story of most.

@debfox Год назад

Also, I don’t know if you were abused as a child or not or has severe trauma with your parents. There’s a HUGE difference.

@BarelyNoticedADD Год назад

One of my core relationship rules is that you better be Jesus if you demand I choose a side.

@the_review_lady_channel Год назад

😎 🔥

@FTG2Eli Год назад

This caller needs to be clear and direct with his parents. If he has the same conversations, "vague and circling" as he had with John, that relationship may not go anywhere.

@warriormanmaxx8991 Год назад

@FTG2Eli - that relationship ... WILL ... not go anywhere !

@debfox Год назад

He may not feel safe doing so because of a history of trauma and abuse.

@tritosac Год назад

AY AY RON WHERE ARE YOU?

@rustyshackleford6637 Год назад

Looks like he is in Harrassburg

@SaystheTruth3 Год назад

😂

@jillbaerg Месяц назад

I have been in the a similar situation. It is VERY hard to explain what is going on when you are being mentally and emotionally abused. My mom has NPD and I was abused for 37 years. It is hard to put into words. I also had to write a letter. You can NOT speak to people like this face to face. It does no good. I had to cut ties and it was one of the best things I have ever done. It is not easy. Sorry you have to go though this.

@desertcat4193 Год назад

What's the point of calling when you refuse to give details? And why wouldn't you pick sides when it comes to abuse?

@desertcat4193 Год назад

@@silentnot4812 True. John kept saying he was "proud" of the caller and I'm thinking for what exactly?

@debfox Год назад

It’s called trauma. 🙄

@desertcat4193 Год назад

@@debfox Wow, you can diagnose trauma in 5 minutes. 🙄

@truthseekertruthspeaker Год назад

More of these bro❤

@cynthiathomas5754 Месяц назад

My sister finally said ahe was abused by a neighbor as a kid. My parents ignored her revelation as if she said nothing. I look back and realize how creepy that was and how our family was a lot like this guy's...Wow. There were a lot of similar games and the family keeps " picking sides". My sister is dead. My mom is dead. Yet the remaining keep this going... Playing each other. Now I know why I kept to myself. The big mistake was returning, thinking people had grown up. They financially wrecked me. These family systems are dangerous

@caseyhill636 Год назад

This was bad on the producers to have let this caller on the show. He’s vague and frustrating

@ivankrushensky Месяц назад

If he can't give a little more detail, other than "my parents did pay enough for my sister's wedding because they don't like her new spouse....", then he needs to get out a pen and paper and start writing what actually happened to HIM. It sounds like he's getting dragged into the middle of something that isn't any of his business to begin with...by both his sister and his parents.

@ithinkigottalent4047 Год назад

Oh Lord, Aaron. Give details or don't call in. John's willing to help.

@warriormanmaxx8991 Год назад

@nedrahines4047 - re: "Oh Lord" = are you as dysfunctional?? bringing the "Lord" into the discussion?

@Shay-yg7nm Год назад

Some people can't communicate to save their life

@user-kr9zb2ng8i 8 дней назад

98% of the time when there is an in-law problem it's actually the mother-in-law, not both.

@nbc55 Год назад

Why would you call if you are not ready to give any details of what is happening? No wonder this situation happened, he probably doesn’t talk to his parents as well - just gives hints and expects that they will understand what he wants 😅 grow up mister!

@debfox Год назад

I wasn’t aware you were this man’s therapist and understood his exact family dynamics. 🙄 Instead you feel the need to judge. It’s pretty obvious his parents are abusive. How is your view up on your high horse? You doing good up there? Do you want a cookie for judging someone else’s family dynamics that you know nothing about?

@nbc55 Год назад

@@debfox oh really, how did you know his parents are abusive? Are you his therapist? Do you mean it is ok to judge his parents and jump into conclusion that they are abusive?

@donnasearch1 2 месяца назад

Based on the complete lack of specific information about this situation, I would not have given any advice at all

@Myr25636 4 месяца назад

I’d love to hear what the parents had to say about this. I wonder who is the manipulator here.

@DominiqueJaneNL 11 месяцев назад

Anyone else distracted with the strand of hair? And then he tried to fix it. Leave it alone Dr John! Now I didn't hear a word they were saying.. 🤣😅

@lyndalamb3221 2 месяца назад

They need an outside objective referee to attend this conversation.

@ryansack5198 4 месяца назад

Dude you called for help.. but aren’t willing to talk..

@freeinJesus 4 месяца назад

He's not really being that vague. Any vagueness is probably because it is probably pretty bad with his family. I have experienced alot of abuse and trauma from the people I grew up with, that there is alot I don't share with others. Not everyone can just speak freely especially when they have experienced years of abuse.

@katiehollmer5756 7 месяцев назад

This breaks my heart… as a parent of adult children, it’s my worst nightmare that my children would cut off contact over an argument or misunderstanding. Then what if they are encouraged to deny me the ability to try to correct it? The caller’s parents are asking to repair the relationship & the caller is being nudged towards ignoring them. I normally fully agree with Dr John but this advice left me heartbroken for all involved. 😢

@KS-cl8br Год назад

END THE CALL, IF HE DOESN'T GIVE DETAILS ... WHAT IS THE POINT

@kg6801 Год назад

What the heck is wrong with you?

@dakotasikes6690 Год назад

I feel like there are so many callers praying to be heard that if your gonna be this vague john should just move to the next caller

@debfox Год назад

Nah. Maybe this is the first time the called has EVER been heard too. He deserved his time.

@amberdeterman5815 9 месяцев назад

The caller is super annoying

@diggernash1 Год назад

Money is the missing piece of this equation. He doesn't want to lose his inheritance.

@lwedel3361 Год назад

Potentially. Parents often use their wealth as a dangling carrot over their adult children. My parents are both re-partnered and my Father often mentioned cutting us out of his will. It is cruel and disgusting to say things like this. I do not speak to either parent and have no expectations of being left a cent. It is not worth taking abuse to be potentially left some earthly possessions at the end.

@candaceorr7517 Месяц назад

I don't buy it. Either the sister and/or the guy's wife put him up to cutting off his parents. Usually guys don't want to get in the middle of drama. It is the women who like to stir the pot.

@LadyMarigoldWithers Год назад

I’m getting ‘spoiled kids’ vibes from this guy, like his parents were expected to pay for a whole wedding and the kids threw a tantrum about it when they said no 🤷🏻‍♀️