Will He Resent My Boundaries With His Family?

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Will He Resent My Boundaries With His Family?
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Опубликовано:

7 июн 2023

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Комментарии : 484

@coreybousquet1129 Год назад

Dr John, please create a special series just on this type of subject of wife’s, mother’s of sons etc. I think so many people are navigating this with zero tools on how to handle it!!

@parker1981xxx Месяц назад

He is not a real doctor, but we ll consider your suggestion

@hiddenhand6973 11 дней назад

Enmeshment aka emotional incest

@ABab-jf2jb 3 месяца назад

Her husband sounded like my husband... a people pleaser! But my husband definitely not worry about not pleasing me! I can totally relate to her!

@thatswhatshesaid6326 3 месяца назад

Omg finally someone out here that is going through somewhat similar situation!! (At least it sounds that way with the people pleasing with anyone and everyone and doesn’t really care if I’m hurt or upset. It leaves me feeling undervalued, confused, resentful and manipulated.

@lorenjones7222 2 месяца назад

My wife probably feels this way about me. But I only push back on her when she criticizes me. I do everything to please her but when she keeps pushing she is the only one who has enough of a position of value in my life for me to care what she thinks and have to push back and explain if she thinks I’m doing a wrong thing.

@Peepppinpppper 2 месяца назад

@@thatswhatshesaid6326just get a divorce if you feel like that honestly

@Peepppinpppper 2 месяца назад

Just divorce him if you feel like that instead of bashing him online and not confronting it

@jonipitcher7185 3 месяца назад

I can relate to this so much. The family is her and her husband NOT the mother. We need to start recognizing this.

@christyliberge4189 8 месяцев назад

In some cultures the family will respectfully leave the newlyweds alone for a year to develop a close bond.

@hiddenhand6973 11 дней назад

Oh that’s a good idea.

@larissabrewington9065 5 месяцев назад

I would like to hear examples of what she thinks is emotionally immature concerning the mother. I want to hear what the mother has said to her. The reason I say this, is because it sounds to me like she is just wanting to distance because of cultural differences or how ever she defines that.

@Bombaycompany1776 Месяц назад

Exactly 💯 we need more information to determine if she's even being fair in her assessment of thd MIL. This young lady strikes me as being a bit selfish and immature.

@simshengvue5799 Месяц назад

This is one of The Times where Doctor John is really bad. He is just making a huge amount of stories in this person's head trying to validate her. She sounds like she is just a boring person that has nothing to say Around a family who won't shut the hell up

@peterlee584 26 дней назад

@@Bombaycompany1776 Exactly. For all we know, she might be the emotionally immature one.

@noelleirina5628 День назад

Cultural differences could also be the reason why the mother is like that. Let's not ignore that.

@noelleirina5628 День назад

@@simshengvue5799 speaking of making up stories in your head...

@StitchetyDoodah 4 месяца назад

My MIL is a complete and total butthole to me. WITHOUT provocation, might I add. My adult stepdaughter too (lives with my MIL). Because of their bad behavior I have made it my MISSION in life to be the best MIL I can be to my daughter in law. I WILL NOT do to my daughter in law what is being done to me. My daughter in law and I get along really well and I thank God for it. 🤷🏻‍♀️💚 PS. My husband knows he can go see them anytime he wants to, but he has to do it without me and the kids. He goes without me and it works for us… for now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@mbt9700 3 месяца назад

My issue is a bit different - my MIL isn't a problem to me, but she is horrible to her daughters and family. I'm worried it will one day trickle down to me. It also makes me not want to leave my kids with her due to how poorly she treats her daughters. I am with her son, and due to her culture he can do no wrong. It makes me feel horrible just being in a situation like this. We just got back from my sister-in-law's wedding, and the mom made the wedding speech about how much she disapproves of the wedding, and gave the bride a silent treatment for the whole reception because she felt the bride wasn't focusing on her enough. It has been hard for me to process, I don't want a MIL like this.

@StitchetyDoodah 2 месяца назад

@@mbt9700 I am sorry. My bio mother is exactly like how you describe. She honestly is a garbage human being. I hate to say it, but that is the best way to describe her behavior towards us girls. After my Daddy died two years ago I went no contact. She has always hated me anyway. I would NEVER leave my children alone with my mother. I am sorry… truly I am. Hugs 🤗

@Petruskinhap972 Год назад

I don’t think necessarily that just because she married him, she has to cater to him and in-laws. I’m an introvert and driving 3 hours to sit at my in-laws home to chit chat would kill me. Let him go alone, that can be his “me time”. She can show up for birthdays, holidays, etc. Very unrealistic to expect wife to spend a ton of free time with his family 3 hours away. He needs to cut the umbilical cord, he has a new family now, that should come first.

@Chalk89 Год назад

Did you actually listen to the call? The husband isn't throwing a fit because he isn't around his family enough, she's the one who doesn't want to be around them and is scared he'll resent her down the road.

@CrystalM1917 Год назад

I agree BunBunz. She isn't stopping him from going. I don't see the problem. If she goes down for other family engagements, she is doing her part.

@user-lt1jd1ye3v Год назад

I agree with everything but your last sentence lol. Both families are important but she shouldn’t be forced to go every single family function if it’s happening often.

@slee2695 Год назад

An American woman who doesnt want to compromise? Wow that's new..lmao

@Love.America 4 месяца назад

That's exactly what Doctor John said in an previous episode. He said the son or daughter has a new family of his own and that has to take Priority over what he or she's family thinks. I agree with doctor john for sure.

@candyluna2929 Год назад

Everyone wants to marr out of their culture but many aren't ready for the challenge.

@cesarchavez507 4 месяца назад

👍🏽

@racheltorres7231 4 месяца назад

To be fair I’m Mexican and my husband is Mexican but even though we have the same culture we were raised different.

@Daddywiseclussy 3 месяца назад

@@racheltorres7231 same here. Same culture but two different families. Mine are introverts, close knit, sticks together and welcomed my husband with no issue. His family say they are close knit but fight or hate each other, loud extroverts, drinking, fighting, goes on and on. They disliked me from the start because I wasn't like them.

@ashleyhess6461 Месяц назад

funny how people are bagging on the cultural differences.. Maybe there's just a difference in personalities or both. Plenty of people I would not want to get close to in America culture and I live here.... but go off on how people can Thandie different cultures. 🙄

@ashleyhess6461 Месяц назад

*handle.... And who is everyone? Your comment is ridiculously false.

@melanieb2132 Год назад

I don't know if I totally agree with John about "choose guilt over resentment".. some people are jerks. How about choose neither and compromise and give your child and your husband a family beyond just you. But have some simple boundaries.

@starlingswallow Год назад

Is anyone else wondering why the husband doesn't include his wife in the conversations that he's having with his family? There are ways that he can include her to help her get a word in edgewise.

@LisaLisaCJ Год назад

Most men forget their wives when they get around their family

@CrystalM1917 Год назад

@@LisaLisaCJ 😬

@amypruss8391 3 месяца назад

Doesn't grandma want to hear about the baby?

@uniquegeek2708 5 дней назад

My husband really doesn't, but he can't get a word in edgewise either. 😅 Both his siblings and mom are like this, so he's learned to limit visits so we both don't get overwhelmed (not as much, anyway).

@9liveslisa Год назад

During my marriage, my husband and I never got a vacation just for the two of us. Any vacation time we had was spent visiting his parents who lived several states away. The plane tickets we bought for those trips was all we could afford. I loved his parents and understood why we had to go visit them, but I had some resentment. Going to them was the right thing to do and we made them happy. People who aren't married yet and have a vision of how they want to spend their time and money in marriage should discuss their vision in detail with their partner before they are married so they are not disappointed later. I got married on a wing and a prayer and I wish we had discussed our hopes and dreams before we got married. I think it is a crucial step before marriage. If you aren't comfortable having those discussions with your fiancé you'll be starting out on the wrong foot.

@nr7701 Год назад

Hopefully you guys have resolved this issue by now, but maybe try compromising by visiting them, but spending a day or two in the area just the two of you.

@alisonfraser8231 Год назад

Should have mowed lawns on the weekend and sold that car. Then you could afford your vacation.

@simoneXox Год назад

Are you 2 still married?

@9liveslisa Год назад

@@simoneXox No. I divorced him after 10 years because he had a drinking problem and wouldn't quit drinking. But I kept it amicable because I loved him and worried about him, but I wasn't going to go down the drain with him. I set him free so he could figure out what he wanted his life to be. I still honored his parents and they were very kind to me until they passed away. My husband finally died because of a heart issue and his drinking. I flew to Arizona and stayed by his side in the hospital for 3 weeks. He had surgery and I was hopeful that he would pull through, but he took a turn for the worse and passed away.

@CaToRi- 9 месяцев назад

@@9liveslisayou are a beautiful lady. God bless you with wonderful years.

@MaMa-jh6bb Год назад

I would still tell my husband to spend time with his family even if I don’t go. Why can’t he go without her…

@TheFlowerQueen 4 месяца назад

I've been there, gone to my parents without my husband. It's awkward and lonely.

@Love.America 4 месяца назад

@@TheFlowerQueenSame here, but I feel better when he goes and I stay home or go out myself when he goes to family functions. Even if it is awkward and lonely, it's better then the alternative.

@kelrogers8480 4 месяца назад

So her baby doesn't get to enjoy grandparents and the extended family?

@sportsman4545 3 месяца назад

Yep, thats her objective.@kelrogers8480

@izzywox8246 3 месяца назад

Exactly. Husband can go and take child with him to spend time. She doesn’t have to go every time

@aal62976 3 месяца назад

They married. They didnt conjoin. She isn't stopping him from going. He makes the choice not to go because she doesn't want to. He doesn't work to address her feeling included in convo. Resentment is going to grow from both partners.

@darlayeates510 Год назад

Our brother and his wife have chosen not to have any interest in our family. Everything is her family. Even though they live in our town, every holiday, birthday, mothers Day, Sunday gatherings, and family parties are ignored. We are a close family, but our other sister-in-laws have an appreciation for us. It's a real heartbreak for us. We miss our brother and would love to have a relationship with her. 😢

@Chalk89 Год назад

My Mom said that to my brothers and I as we started having weddings and such, 'I know you're going to put her family first, I know it. I just want you to be happy.' It's sad because she was right. It seems like (from what I see) the women believe that their family is the main family, and the husband's family are the secondary option. It's odd.

@LisaLisaCJ Год назад

Well I’ll say this. No one can make your brother do anything he doesn’t want to. HE doesn’t want to consider his family. And sometimes the male family member didn’t really want to deal and used his wife as a scapegoat. My ex would do this and his family would blame me for him not coming over. Well he remarried and guess what? He still doesn’t visit them. At all now. Doesn’t even call my ex sister in law said. I told her well he isn’t with me now soooo

@Chalk89 Год назад

@@LisaLisaCJ stop projecting, Sugar.

@user-lt1jd1ye3v Год назад

Sugar bear is right, sounds like he be putting 0 effort into visiting his family. Doesn’t sound like he’s putting up a fight or making a request

@sobeliever1638 10 месяцев назад

From the very beginning?

@jesuslover3543 2 месяца назад

I am divorced from an enmeshed ex husband; he was truly in a relationship with his mother. I always felt like the wife on the side. He would never say “no” to her because of the wrath he would have to pay. She purposefully did things to ruin our relationship/marriage . Ultimately he became a sex addict! Read the book; silently seduced! This type of mother son relationship causes sex addiction and intimacy problems. It’s really sad how these women ruin their son’s lives! Dr. Delony, please talk about this issue more!

@soniatenorio4438 2 месяца назад

Wow

@deniseowen3987 8 месяцев назад

I tell all young women to take a trip with your future family. You will find out how they treat waitstaff, who rules the activities and so much more. We made the mistake of joining the family farm. I treated my inlaws like my own family. My father in law always planned holidays and his birthday at my house. They were fabulous grandparents, but really breached a few boundaries that annoyed my hubby as well as myself. I still love my husband but wish we had forged other careers. Other family members made our life a living hell. Never underestimate how much his family will impact your life. Married 47 years. Seen it all.

@alladreamwedreamed 3 месяца назад

Family business often translates to family up in ya business 😂

@Bunny11344 12 дней назад

That’s why I don’t blame her for distancing herself. I think he needs to accept that she doesn’t want to be around them.

@user-lt1jd1ye3v Год назад

My dad would go visit his family every Sunday and my mom would mostly just go on holidays and the occasional lunch outing with my grandma or to help my grandma with something. This worked for my family because my mom is super introverted and my dad isn’t.

@rowenamagno5398 Год назад

I do the same thing….but most in laws are married to western culture that value personal space and freedom. We are both Filipino 😊

@kathiedrake3926 Год назад

my husband's family is amazing... after 39 years. At first I was super overwhelmed. I am an only child and he is one of 7. They scared the crap out of me. I didn't feel included or liked or loved, but it honestly was me.... it took me awhile to figure it out. .... For me, I didn' t know why they didn't invite me in. to conversations etc, .. because you don;t ask... people just "add them selves".

@shb8212 Год назад

I feel the same in my in-law family... it's hard when I see my mom asking my sister in law it for lunch dates to get to know her and that has never happened in the family I married into. They're very nice, they just largely do their own thing and expect you to jump in. If I had a dollar for every time someone stopped listening and turned away in the middle of me saying something, I would have a nice little shopping spree by now. I don't know if it's an attention thing, but it feels like they don't care to know me still after 5 years.

@kathiedrake3926 Год назад

@@shb8212 what I know now is you just SHOVE in.... it is expected..... now I just do that and it seems fine

@brittanysbets2626 Год назад

@@shb8212 you shouldn’t ever have to feel that way, in life. I’m sure they don’t feel what you feel at all.

@whitneyw.7919 Год назад

To the caller - yes, he will likely resent it down the road particularly when family starts to pass on. If your husband is a people pleaser be careful because they usually get so angry without letting on then one day and without ever discussing many things they leave or completely blow up and when this happens they're often completely done and there is no talking them out of anything. Speak from personal experience! Go to therapy right now w/ this dynamic

@Toomies08 Год назад

Her perspective: they ignore me. Their perspective (probably): she sits in the corner like a bump on a log, and has made no effort. She's probably more introverted and they're probably not. But I wouldn't say that's a reason to write them out. And only sending the husband sends a very clear message and will cause a lot of issues. If that is the path she wants to choose, own it. But you can't avoid the consequences from it. You can't have it both ways.

@terriesmith2616 Год назад

Agreed with you. If my husband's family is important to him, I'd still go with him to visit them even if they're not my cup of tea. It's called sacrifice. If they're important to my husband, they're important to me. He'd do the same for me. But it sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Caller wants to have it both ways. That's a major sign of immaturity.

@kcourtney6826 Год назад

The caller is probably introverted, but having been in the same situation myself it’s like when almost any family gets together they have history, so most of the conversations are going to be about growing up and memories only they share, so if you’re not a part of that you’re bound to feel a bit left out. Let’s be honest,ask yourself if you had not met your spouse how many of his relatives would be someone you consider being friends with?

@VivPhotography Год назад

I was thinking the same thing as I was listening. I'm not sure I fully trust her side of the story. I feel bad for the husband. Like John said, unless there is abuse or danger, if it's so important for her husband to spend time with his family, she really should go with him.

@sportsman4545 3 месяца назад

Even if she is introverted. She married him, their children are extended family and she should respect that.

@Daddywiseclussy 3 месяца назад

This is me. I'm an introvert while my in laws are not. When I tell people oh my mil doesn't like me, the go to the "oh you took her baby boy away" idea. When in reality she's upset I'm not a clone of her. Partying, getting drunk with her, playing loud music, dancing. Yeah I'm not interested in any of those things. Sorry

@rebeccaoprea9917 Год назад

She sounds like a young first time mom that’s navigating married life with in laws. I’d say it’s relatively normal .

@madamerousseau78 Год назад

Who hasn't been married very long.

@nah0mys Месяц назад

Just bc something is Normal doesn’t mean it should be ok

@rebeccaoprea9917 Месяц назад

@@nah0mys yes there is common and then there’s normal. And maybe this is common.

@kcourtney6826 Год назад

This sounds so familiar, when you get married your spouse’s family is basically strangers until you get to know them, until then you have to compromise.

@hiddenhand6973 11 дней назад

You can’t compromise with a MIL who undermines your parenting and life. His mom is not staying in her lane. Asking a young family to travel often 3 Hours one way is wrong. His family sounds like they suck. I have sons and when they are grown, there’s no way I would expect my son and daughter-in-law to pack up their young children and travel three hours to see me nor would I expect my son to the relationship he has with me and his dad over the relationship he has with his wife. Some of you parents are enmeshed with your children. Marriage is a time for both spouses to leave their families and Cleve to their new spouse and form a new family. This is the way God designed it. Mother-in-law’s and father-in-law’s should keep their mouths shut when it comes to their children who are grown. Mom and dad need to stay in their lane.

@l-train7876 Год назад

I’ve never had a relationship where I didn’t get along with their family. Sounds like a nightmare.

@cabayern9416 Год назад

Sounds like wifey is a bit of a drama queen.

@shachede6828 Год назад

This happens when background and culture happens. This is my fear!

@KatieLHall-fy1hw Год назад

Sometimes stuff appears that you couldn’t see before. Like my in-laws, they are wonderful people and I love them very much, but man, neither his mom nor his dad trust in their son. They have a farm (and being honest, they need help) and they do not give him room to help. Anytime with the cows his mom come running shouting for him to get away, and he is 38. Every time he does anything in the field his dad comes right out to supervise. It is difficult to watch this. I know they love him very much but man… he isn’t trying to take away any control or anything but it lets me imagine how it was for him growing up, it must have been difficult

@zephyrkhambatta Месяц назад

It is. I'm in one.

@Bunny11344 12 дней назад

Some people grow apart and change things happen

@Myraisins1 Год назад

Girl, just send him to the family with the kid and take some time off. Make sure to suck it up and show up for holidays and special occasions a couple times a year.

@morganstallings3558 Год назад

My in-laws are just like hers. I tried for years and made every trip to be with my husbands family. I noticed over time it never got better. They were NEVER going to include me because I wasn’t their blood- and their other in-laws also gave up. So I hope she can make peace with having peace for herself. If they want a relationship with their grand baby, THEY are going to have to figure it out.

@sharroon7574 4 месяца назад

Same, everything I say they try to prove me wrong, they make rude comments, they act superior.

@Love.America 4 месяца назад

@@sharroon7574same here

@Flash3-22 Год назад

Looking back on my relationship with my husband's family - emotional connection with each other is not part of how they relate. Yet we spent lots of time together. I accepted them for their differences. Both of his parents are deceased and am grateful he was able to spend significant time with them.

@shb8212 7 месяцев назад

Yes, emotional connection is not a thing with my in-laws either, but they want to be around eachother all the time... they are also very transactional and are not very generous with time or resources... they are not about serving one another. It's like the opposite of my families values and I really struggle to feel connected to them at all.

@benjaminhough8804 Год назад

I don’t feel like we have enough objective information to provide a solid answer, or even accuse the mother of being abusive. As a newly wed, we have been working through this. Thankfully, both me and my wife love to spend time with either family and we work hard to make sure we balance our time between them. It’s worked well for us.

@dhritikapoor2897 Год назад

Well, she can go visit them once a year while the rest of the time the husband himself can make a visit to his family . Maybe he can take the child along as well. Sounds like a fine enough compromise

@kcourtney6826 Год назад

This is what I do

@JudePi-jx7yo 3 месяца назад

3 hours away and once a year? That's not sufficient.

@pipperlue Год назад

My husband is from Spain and his family doesn’t speak English. The visits were (and still can be) painfully uncomfortable. There would be a million conversations around me that I wouldn’t understand, a million people that I couldn’t keep track of. Every dinner and snack time felt endless and the one translator obviously gets tired and stops helping and you are utterly drained from sitting there smiling and nodding. Eventually you can’t help but check out and mentally give up. You feel you make everything complicated and unnatural and you question why you’re even there every second…spoiling the time with this family. It is a lonely, otherworldly level of awkward that I’ve never experienced before. The only thing I could do is take what little control I could and roll with it. Jumped into learning Spanish with several lessons per week for years now…got into the music, movies, the culture in general…immersed myself in listening to the language so I could at least start following even if I couldn’t fully participate. It helps a lot to at least KIND OF know what the context is around you. I love John’s advice at the end about “leaning in” and trying to be the one to bridge the gap. It is a massive effort, but it’s worth it for you to feel you’re not just a potato sack in the corner of the room. That you care enough to try. Sometimes that’s the thing that makes someone reach out and include you.

@Chalk89 Год назад

Your situation seems 1000x more enduring than what the caller is describing. The caller is essentially saying, 'they are close knit, I feel uncomfortable.'

@zannaadedigba3936 Год назад

Amen to that you are courageous and a great spouse

@shb8212 Год назад

You are a high value woman, well done. I bet your husband loves you for it.

@nly4607 Год назад

Idk why women play the victim or expect sympathy for a situation they chose lol I bet there were plenty of much more logical options you passed up for the more exciting guy ha

@LisaLisaCJ Год назад

@@nly4607 yes CHOOSE then complain

@CaToRi- 9 месяцев назад

So he wants to visit them every week and is a long trip… at what time he does his house chores? Compromising every weekend for doing visits when you already have a house and family is complicated

@nowandthennn Год назад

I was one of those people who couldn’t put myself into a conversation easily if there was allot of people in the group . At first I blamed them , but I noticed it happened with other groups concerning me , maybe work or church groups and I eventually came to the conclusion that It was my fault not theirs .

@bf7504 7 месяцев назад

Same here.. 10 yrs of marriage and I put in my effort the last 2 yrs and things have finally become normal

@zephyrkhambatta Месяц назад

Or maybe you're an introvert and someone with a unique energy and you owe it to yourself to appreciate that you recognize that big groups aren't your thing necessarily, and that there's no "fault" at play here. Unless for some reason you desperately WANT to put yourself into a conversation easily. Then sure! :)

@fallon7616 Год назад

I hate the way my in-laws treat my Husband. Makes me angry

@daisy9910 5 месяцев назад

Even though everyone tells me my MIL was a wonderful woman, I'm also glad she passed well before I came on the scene. My first MIL was awful.

@Youdontneedtoknowmyname3-iu1vk Год назад

Depends on the culture 🤔 but unless they are abusive//toxic u can't just tell ur husband not to visit his own family cause ur not close to urs. I mean it didn't sound like it was anything major feeling uncomfy cause they are different culture isn't a good enough excuse. My husband doesn't speak Spanish but he still gets along with my family idk needed more details about what has been said

@3roachkidsdhe Год назад

Yeah, there wasn’t enough details. He kept saying about the mom being emotionally abusive but never said how. Unless I missed something

@JustinCase780 Год назад

The dude can't go it alone some of the weekends? That's asking too much of her and he should just chill. Over expectations.

@nishalnandwani Год назад

Gosh, so many experts and righteous people in the comments. John's right, you "choose what you let in your soul."

@MicaelaShepherd Год назад

She is all in her head; tagging his mother as "emotionally immature" without any context is unfair to him and his family. She has to make an effort because it is not all about her. Certain people get married, and then there is zero flexibility to accommodate people's personalities. This year I have multiple friends divorcing due to the issues of their partners being my feelings, my way, and zero flexibility. Men will take it until one day they are done. Culture plays a big part in multicultural marriages, but certain people think once they get married, the other person will submit to them; nope, it doesn't happen this way.

@carolyn683 Год назад

Spend your time looking at the good in your in laws. I'm sure there is some good there, after all they raised your hubby 😊 Every family is so different and none will be the same as yours.

@TheWORD226 3 месяца назад

That's WHY you look @ the FAMILY BEFORE MARRIAGE....HOW CAN TWO WALK TOGETHER UNLESS THEY AGREE.

@Chalk89 Год назад

Damn, Dr. John throwing around, 'emotionally abusive,' flippantly. Maybe I'm in the minority on this, but I would have expected a professional to do some digging before just assigning someone that label.

@michellezulema9422 Год назад

Agreed, I think he slipped up on that one.

@MJ-jw8nb 6 месяцев назад

From my experience with my inlaws of 7 years, its a matter of figuring out their "norms" and taking effort to understand WHY they do the things the way they do. Then getting counseling for things I cant find grace for... For example, my MIL is very clingy to her 2 sons, which drove me insane... but then through counseling I began to understand her. She had 2 miscarriages which crushed her (she never talks about it) and so she deeply values and clingys her living sons, fearful she will lose them too. I can tolerate her neediness much better now. Im from a family of 9, my husband a family of 2. Extremely different expecations. Smaller unit families EXPECT more time, hubbys family wants to see us every weekend (if they could), dispite the 3 hour drive. And we used to make the trip 2-3 weekends a month for over 2 years while dating, and the first 2 years of our marriage. Then hubby and I sat down and had a conversation about how exhausted we were, and we need to spend time building community with our local church, frienships, and rest on some weekends. While we love his family, it was getting soffocating. So we had gentle boundaries conversations with them, they understood and were supportive of us needing to build our loves tigether. Of course MIL had some tears, and still runs guilt trips, but she understood. We all get along so well now! Its worth the effort... because if you have good family, those are the people you can count on in 30 years. Friendships come and go, but family is family. It's worth it to invest effort so you're not mirsable around them. (Unless they are truely abusive, in that case, get out)

@kmericson15 Год назад

I'm in a similar situation with my in-laws. Thank you for the helpful strategies for dealing with these tricky situations and relationships.

@jefftube58 8 месяцев назад

No one (especially in-laws) has the right to say things or act in a way you are uncomfortable with in your home especially or in their home. Never confuse blood relations with facts. Blood or not, you are not obligated to put up with garbage.

@mistermanman Год назад

I have the best in laws in the entire world. It's such a blessing

@John-du2mq Год назад

If she makes weird comments just say, "Thank you for loving me enough to care about such and such thing and I'll keep that in mind". Boom how can MIL argue with that? Then it releases that tension but shows you standing your ground.

@Flash3-22 Год назад

What a great way to come back when she is feeling attacked.

@1bluegreen2 7 месяцев назад

Try being an introvert and sensitive (which benefits them because you don't say or do insensitive things), but dealing with an entire family that's extroverted, insensitive, blatantly rude at times.... it's TOUGH!!!! I've decided to be polite whenever I HAVE to see them at formal events... but certainly will NOT be spending time with them if i don't have to. I tried, i got egg on my face... life is short. If people are about to ruin your mental health, take them out of your life.

@FrankS111 Год назад

As always…it’s on the husband to choose here. It isn’t on her to make an attempt to build a relationship with his parents. Nope…husband bad…despite he has nothing to do with this issue. 🙄

@pinacolada1393 Год назад

If I was married, I'd like to discuss things like that a little before marriage and make adjustments a little after if needed. Preferably agree on limits and boundaries that are even for my husband and I got dealing with our families. I don't have to worry about it because I'm not married

@humminbirrrd Год назад

I tend to think that when a new person is joining a group - in this case, a new wife is joining a well established, close-knit family - a big part of the onus is on the group to welcome the individual in. Other examples are joining a new team at work or joining a new club. One person can try and try to acclimate and put in the work to be included - and I think they should - but a group that is already tight can feel very intimidating. If the group is welcoming and envelopes the new person, new relationships can form. But I think there needs to be real, active effort from those in the group. Coldness, and even just indifference, can drive one person who feels alone or lonely completely away

@humminbirrrd Год назад

Also, I'm not married, and one thing I've always thought is how important it is to understand how each person in a relationship wants to interact with extended family. I've known couples who, one person wants to see family throughout the week and every weekend, say a regular Sunday dinner or something. For someone like me, who needs free time and flexibility and does not want to commit to "oh sure, we can spend every Sunday with your family. Sure, I can give half of every weekend - half of the little free time I do have" - that is a nightmare of a commitment. I love and get along with my own immediate family and couldn't make that kind of commitment to them. It's important to be on the same page about these kinds of things before marriage

@RepentImmediately 8 месяцев назад

A good host makes the effort to make his or her guests feel comfortable and welcome. People who don't do this are classless.

@jaclynmarie5747 8 месяцев назад

Yes, I totally agree. She is a guest in her house and they should make her feel welcome. Especially her taking a long trip to visit them.

@MamiesMarketplace 3 месяца назад

Amen.

@KH-xx1rg 5 месяцев назад

I would just tell my husband to go without me sometimes since he visits so frequently.

@sandrapride1046 3 месяца назад

My fil, whom I always got along with, was having us pose for family pictures. He took pictures with the core family and was done. My bil and I looked at each other in shock.

@cherylthomson4341 7 месяцев назад

When my husband and i were first married and had small children, i was a nurse which involved working everyother weekend. On my weekends off, my husband felt we needed to go visit grandparents. This involved driving 4 hours each way as well as an overnight stay with 2 and later 3 very young kids. I was exhausted and became resentful. We eventually had the conversation. Luckily it went well and he eventually understood where i was coming from. Sometimes we are pleasantly surprised!

@thatsfunny2051 29 дней назад

Bloody hell, I would have outright laughed in his face when he suggested it

@Whatorwellsaid21 Год назад

This lady was too immature to realize that you marry the family of the person you marry, especially if they are close by virtue of their culture and their family dynamics. You won’t change that. Either adapt or don’t marry.

@shb8212 Год назад

You kind-of do though... my in laws would dominate every spare weekend we have if they could which would leave no time for my family or special trips for just us. I agree, you need to meld and assimilate but there is a balance.

@Chalk89 Год назад

@@shb8212 but that's not at all what's going on with the caller, it's quite the opposite.

@thoughtsonredbudhill 9 месяцев назад

I very much disagree with this statement. My husband did not marry my family neither did I marry his. We married each other.

@NataliesMommy 4 месяца назад

No way in hell I married my husband's family. He sure as hell didn't marry mine, either. And guess what? I'm ok with it. I married him. He married me. Our families are irrelevant.

@thatswhatshesaid6326 3 месяца назад

Adapt or don’t marry?? lol Horrible advice

@jadeinthewoods Год назад

Honestly, it sounds like she isn’t trying to get along with them. She just decided that she doesn’t like them and doesn’t want to see them anymore. Now her husband is having to chose between the two and that’s not a fair position to put him in. His family may be acting strange because they feel awkward around her. Maybe they sense that she doesn’t like them, who knows? I think she owes it to her spouse to at least try. If she doesn’t want to have a divided house on holidays where he sometimes spends the day with his family, takes his daughter and leaves her at home, then she needs to make the effort to get to know them. Give them a chance.

@Chalk89 Год назад

It's funny, my wife is going through something similar. She doesn't feel comfortable around my family, and sadly enough, she never has put in the effort to get to know them. As a result, my family is uncomfortable around her and isn't sure what to do, when to say it or how to say it. It makes it tough for the S/O in this situation - you feel like you're never doing right by anyone.

@plynn136 Год назад

@@Chalk89 Didn't you notice that she was uncomfortable with your family before you married her?

@Chalk89 Год назад

@@plynn136 No, though it's still a work-in-progress. I think very different backgrounds, cultures and not as many opportunities to have her around.

@Chalk89 Год назад

@@wordsalad01 lol, don't project too much.

@JudePi-jx7yo 3 месяца назад

@@Chalk89 She is almost certainly just not a good person. You'll find out some day sadly.

@GretchenKeskeys 4 месяца назад

Wow, I wish you would’ve been around when I married my husband 25 years ago. I would’ve been so helped. I really like your style. It’s completely refreshing. That whole choose guilt over resentment wow. wow wow. So true. 25 years later I wish I would’ve done that. Oh, how I wish I would’ve. Well, I am older now and a lot of that has ironed itself out, but fortunate for those starting out who will be greatly helped.

@toshrizzle 3 месяца назад

When you get married, the person you marry and the family you CREATE with your spouse comes first and now are your immediate family. The husband needs to step in and stick up for his wife. My ex was the same way. I always was the 3rd wheel to his mom the entire marriage.

@FrankS111 Год назад

She complains they aren’t close with her while saying she doesn’t want to spend time with them. 🤦‍♂️

@JustinCase780 Год назад

To be fair she was being honest about the experience. That long drive with a young one to then get to a group that is doing it's own thing would get exhausting for anyone.

@2okaycola Год назад

@@JustinCase780 yep

@Chalk89 Год назад

@@JustinCase780 I make a similar drive, and while I don't do it often, it's well worth it. For one, my daughter gets to be around her family she typically sees through a cell phone/ipad and my parents get to hold their granddaughter. For all the sacrifices my parents made, it's the least I can do. This caller comes off incredibly immature.

@dumfriesspearhead7398 Год назад

She doesn't want to spend time with them because they ignore her and she finds it hard to fit in. I understand her, although I'm not married, I find it hard to be in groups where I don't feel as though I belong or can be myself.

@Chalk89 Год назад

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 it's a two-way street, you can't be a mope, isolate yourself and then be upset when people give you the distance you're seeking. *When I say you I'm meaning it in a general sense*

@thisis.michelletorres444 Год назад

The husband should be able to go see his family without her sometimes. The times when she goes, he should make an effort to help include her in conversations, activities etc. and she should also take a good book, some magazines etc., so she has something to do if they exclude her.

@WPwillsavetheworld Год назад

This is the type of victim mentality that she will eventually say she is unsafe and cant go. He has a close family. Get close with them.

@joaniehowan8321 4 месяца назад

I lived this. Mommy ruined my wedding they took pictures without me. Brought her own person to take pictures. It was awful. Run Run Run

@-KMA- Год назад

Also depends on how often they’re going to his family’s. When I was married, my ex wanted to go over to his parents everyday/night and it exhausted me as I was introverted but made an effort to be around the family. Granted when I did ask why we had to go over there every night, there wasn’t a better answer than, “because I want too”. It did take a toll on our marriage because compromise wasn’t his thing. I wanted to stay home and be a married couple and occasionally see family but he wanted to still live with his parents it seemed. We are divorced but the aforementioned is not the reason. Terrible marriage we had and glad it’s over lol. Hope they can work it out otherwise she’ll get more than resentment.

@MzCollegeGurl11 Год назад

I've never been married (engaged once), but it would have been the same situation with an ex if I DID married him. It was like he was always waiting to see what his family were doing, wants to do before thinking about "us" as a couple when it came to vacations and things of that nature. I hated that. It would of been a recipe for a disaster. And also on the flipside, if his family were influencing and pressuring your spouse/signif-other on joining EVERY.SINGLE.FUNCTION!!! No offense but I don't believe in the whole "when you marry a person, you marry the family" mantra. It's another guilt tactic to be at the helm of outsiders of your relationships 🙄

@-KMA- Год назад

@@MzCollegeGurl11 I agree, there definitely is and needs to be a separation when it comes to family. If you can’t or won’t listen to your partner, then it’s like, what’s the point?

@jefftube58 8 месяцев назад

Sounds like your husband's mother expected him (you both) to be there all the time and he was to chicken to face her down about it.

@RichardLeo-mf3zb 3 месяца назад

My grandmother did not initially care for her daughter-in-law. This was in the late 1950s, and my Mom was not French or Catholic, two huge strikes against her. I never got the total story from my Dad, but I suspect he and his Dad read the riot act to my grandmother, and she became much more personable..

@ilsevdg1194 3 месяца назад

John, you were awesome as always. Still, it's hard to really get a grasp of the real dynamic and the real issue, in such short amount of time, and with so many people involved....

@communitychurchofgod4635 12 дней назад

I am from the North and my husbands family is from the South and it is definitely a whole other world. My in-laws have always been very negative to me. I do not go there, my husband and kids go by themselves. I do not want to spend my vacation being very uncomfortable.

@victoriaquetel2822 Год назад

Why in the world would you not ask this question before you both got married?

@liesascott5414 3 месяца назад

After my divorce I have been dating and most of the time it wasn't so much the man but his family and their background noise that caused me not to be interested. It is hard enough to find one match for yourself. But to find a family you can enjoy is very rare. I just didn't think that a relationship was worth all the drama with stepchildren, exes and in-laws. I also strongly believe that a person has to have the right to insist in polite and respectful interaction. In-laws are often remarkably insensitive to newcomers, especially if there are many of them together..

@valerieodonnell6764 Месяц назад

I feel lucky with how well I get along with my in-laws. I spend more time with them than my husband does. I’m currently a SAHM and he has a very demanding job without much time off, so during school breaks I frequently take my kids to visit their grandparents for weeks at a time, without my husband. I feel completely comfortable there and like they are my own parents. It must be a terrible feeling to not feel welcome. I certainly dated people whose family I didn’t really feel comfortable around, glad I do get along with the ones that actually became my in-laws.

@mle011 Год назад

I feel like there should be some compromise here. Maybe every other month they make the 3 hour drive and spend a Saturday there. If the family wants to see them more often, then THEY can make the 3-hour drive to them. Or he can take the baby and go by himself at times, and give the wife some alone time at home, or time to hang out with her friends. Talk it out.

@LisaLisaCJ Год назад

She won’t want them to visit. I can hear it. She wants him to cut them off

@CrystalM1917 Год назад

@Sugar Bear Projection much?

@JudePi-jx7yo 3 месяца назад

@@LisaLisaCJ 100% She will make them feel unwelcome.

@whatintheheck4692 Год назад

I didn’t get along with my in-laws for the first 4 years of marriage. My MIL was widowed 10 yrs before and I married her baby. She had basically relied on her youngest to take care of her for a decade and I came along and took her baby away. She then complained about me to her other children. The first 3 years were full of hair-pulling frustration. After the 3rd year, she crossed the line and I put her in a “time-out” for about a year. Been married for 14 years now, and I get along great with her now. We both grew up and we both set boundaries. I’d say we’re good friends now.

@3roachkidsdhe Год назад

I’ve had similar situation. Been married 15 years and now I am great friends with my MIL also.

@dumfriesspearhead7398 Год назад

This lady is getting a lot of shade for not wanting to see her husband's family. She's not stopping him from seeing them, it's just that she doesn't want to see them as often as he does. I'm not sure why that is even a problem. She's suggested that he goes on his own at times. I think he should. She sounds like an introvert who has married into a more extroverted family and culture, which sounds like a nightmare to me.😊 They obviously sense her introversion and ignore her. She feels awkward and doesn't belong. I think that his family, rather than ignoring her, should make more efforts to welcome her in. I also get that the MIL may make snide comments to her DIL out of earshot of her son. This isn't uncommon with MIL's. I'm assuming that she didn't see his family much before marriage or didn't realise how much the son would want to see them. I think they should compromise in how many times they go together to see his family and how many times he sees them alone. She doesn't mention her own family, who I assume are further away. Maybe she needs to visit them more often. A mother normally wants the help of her own mother, rather than mother in law.

@LisaLisaCJ Год назад

This is why you get to know these family BEFORE marriage. She seems UNWILLING. This ain’t going to end well.

@ingweking8748 19 дней назад

You are right

@3roachkidsdhe Год назад

I used to have lot of problems with my mother n law but now I like her more than my husband 😂. Not sure how it happened but I guess we got used to each other!!

@bartathalon1 Год назад

Wow she wants her husband to choose her over his family and enjoy doing it. I feel bad for him.

@brittanysbets2626 Год назад

She’s not stopping him from seeing his family she said

@Alex-mj5dv Год назад

She sounds somewhat immature. She should have a conversation with the mother or dad in law one on one, say how she feels, get their feedback, and then begin to include herself more as well, it’s a two way system, like any physical social networking. It’ll become common and comfortable over time. Especially if they’ve courted expeditiously as she said

@FrankS111 Год назад

Why didn’t John ask why her husband’s family “DoEsN’t FeEL sAfE” around her? 🤪

@dhritikapoor2897 Год назад

Because she is his client , not them.

@krismann7405 3 месяца назад

Not everyone has to “hang out”and be warm and fuzzy (or even like each other). This is silliness. It shouldn’t be done big drama and people get to spend time with or without whomever they want. It’s ok 😊

@alladreamwedreamed 3 месяца назад

Being in sync about time spent with family is important. One thing my spouse and I are very in sync about:😊 neither of us enjoy spending time with our families 😂 Like once or twice a year is plenty. But if one of us wanted every sunday to be hanging with family, that would cause some strife between us and we'd need to come to a compromise.

@lazyakers Год назад

John should have asked her more about her relationship with her own family. She said they have a different dynamic. Does that mean they’re estranged?

@ayeshas.3727 Месяц назад

Make sure you like the family because you are not just marrying the person you are marrying the family.

@VivPhotography Год назад

I wonder if this is all a misunderstanding. She's waiting to be invited in, but maybe they just want her to jump in to the conversations. You can still be a part of conversations even if you don't share the history. Ask questions, make comments, give your opinion. Is she an introvert? Are cultural differences causing miscommunication? She's painting a picture which I think is how she sees it, but not accurate. I'd love to get the family's side, and to be a fly on the wall to see the situation for myself. I don't think she's being totally fair to her husband, and that's probably why she's already feeling anxiety about the future.

@nedawilmhoff3599 Год назад

I hear her. There was just always a lack of trust and tiredness with my mother-in-law. When first married she would tell how to do things as though I never had a mother who I loved so much. If she knew anything about you, illness the entire county would know about it. Our rule was don’t tell grandma anything, period. There was always an undercurrent that my husband was hers and she was number one in her mind. I really thought she would outlive me and that I would never have him without her. She died at 97 a year ago. Life just feels different now.

@LisaLisaCJ Год назад

So you hated your husbands mother. I’m sure your mother wasn’t perfect.

@nedawilmhoff3599 Год назад

@@LisaLisaCJ you sound just like her. My mom was perfect. She was never mean to anyone, loved her family, worked harder than she should have, ironed that woman’s clothes and let her children fly free. I didn’t hate my mother-in-law but she never acknowledged her sons was married and she needed to let him go. She was the same way with all 4 of her sons and their wives. I feel really sorry for you if this is how you think and treat people, you name doesn’t ring very true.

@RepentImmediately 8 месяцев назад

@@LisaLisaCJher mother probably wasn't perfect but my guess is she minded her own business and knew her place.

@Love.America 4 месяца назад

@@LisaLisaCJ🤦‍♀️ so asinine!

@lepolhart3242 Год назад

People need to be careful about who they marry as you can`t just marry for love but you need the same values and goals and have similar interests and lifestyles. Generally that is found in marrying someone of the same or similar culture. There are countless hardships and divorces because of people marrying someone not right for them. That`s why in the past it was frowned upon to marry someone who was from a very different culture. Hollywood has alot to answer for the opposites attract type relationships seen in films and tv shows and that love conquers all difficulties. It generally doesn`t work.

@Spaceman99966 2 месяца назад

Love her calling the MIL emotionally imature while she is as well

@DBS472 Год назад

Woman had to sit at in-laws and it’s boring / not enjoyable. I’m sure he loves listening to your mom’s work stories for the 20th time. Welcome to being a grown up human

@thatswhatshesaid6326 3 месяца назад

Coming from someone who sounds quite immature.

@rayyathebald5448 3 месяца назад

I feel like it’s so important to grow and foster these relationships (if possible, some people are not very welcoming of the partners). I go out of my way to spend time with my Partner’s Mom and Grandmother without him. Take his mom out to dinner and chat, let him take care of the baby for that amount of time. Just try to get to know them and I think comments and misunderstandings might clear up (not always, hence “might”)

@eurekahope5310 Год назад

The husband will rightfully feel resentment if she separates him from his family. And a three hour drive is not that big a deal with a baby. We have driven 10 hours with babies dragging put to 14 hours with stops to be with family.

@traetrae11 Год назад

I don't think she's trying to stop him. She suggested he go alone from time to time and he didn't want that. Separating him would be if she tried to prevent him from going but that's not what's happening.

@LisaLisaCJ Год назад

@@traetrae11 which means HE really doesn’t want to go and he will use her as a scapegoat

@shelbysycamore637 Год назад

You do 10 hour drives on a weekly basis?

@Trackpad12 Год назад

This woman is a walking red flag. Spouse is having a good time with the family and its an issue because she doesn't understand the inside jokes. Its not always about you. Can the guy enjoy some family time.

@CrystalM1917 Год назад

He can go by himself. That way it's totally not about her at all.

@MicaelaShepherd Год назад

@@CrystalM1917 Sure, he will go by himself, and she won't be part of the memories, and one day he will be done with her due to her zero intentions to adapt. She thinks he would forget about his family as sound as they got married? Obviously, she did not try to get to know them or their culture before they married. She is calling because she knows she is not making any effort, and evaluatively this will be an issue in the relationship.

@shb8212 Год назад

She has to realize that one day she's going to be the stranger to a son/ daughter in law and very likely will say and do things that person doesn't understand... what kind of culture and relationship model do you want to show your daughter?

@Chalk89 Год назад

Bingo! My Mom said this to my SILs when they were young Moms with babies. They never believed her until their kids got into the teens - then it became, 'oh my gosh, I'm sorry. You were right...'

@rpcp5v18 Год назад

I’ve been in this situation. This is the problem, his family is uninviting - they see she doesn’t think like them, so rather than finding common ground, they just shun her. It’s their way or the highway - she sets boundaries and his family I guarantee despises boundaries and sees them as evil, so they shun her.

@JETTSTACHI 4 месяца назад

Yep. I've been there. Tried for four years to carry on conversations and just got one syllable answers, eye rolls, disrespect and walks from the room I just enter. And my ex said it was MY fault.

@melanieb2132 Год назад

I don't respect people like her. The larger family is super important to her child, and to her husband. Stats back this up.

@plynn136 Год назад

The problem is people are still getting married or having children together based on their "love" and ignoring wider familial issues. Suddenly, after marriage or a child comes along, family is the most important issue in the world. It will never end.

@melanieb2132 Год назад

@plynn136 it's surprising this is not more obvious to people

@RepentImmediately 8 месяцев назад

The husband can take the child when he visits them

@ellencox8415 Год назад

Ah yes, the early years of marriage. Go down there more. Make an effort to do something different with the family, thus, creating memories you can talk about later together (food festivals, etc.). Tell your husband you find traveling three hours daunting and you would like assistance with A. B. C. so you CAN have a moment to talk with them, but you have to make an effort. It will be awkward, but family is awkward sometimes. It's growing pains.

@rosec8101 Месяц назад

I have struggled with this. My husband family is immature they demand things so we had to create space for our little family. It was hard and I still feel disrespected when told how to dress my children and many other things. But I still encourage a strong relationship. They love their grandchildren just not me.

@cabayern9416 Год назад

Emotionally abusive mom? Wow. Blame others. Maybe immature, clingy, jealous, insecure wife. He should lose time with his family due to her manipulations.

@JustinCase780 Год назад

He's a man and he can go by himself sometimes.

@Chalk89 Год назад

Yeah, this is another in a long-line of Dr. John calls where I feel like he's using the 'women are victims,' card too strongly. The caller is essentially saying, 'I don't like his family,' for reasons she couldn't cite. Maybe, just maybe, she can be a grown-up and help her husband out?

@SaystheTruth3 Год назад

Agree!

@dumfriesspearhead7398 Год назад

She's hardly clingy if she encourages him to go on his own sometimes. She doesn't sound immature either. Maybe the mother in law DOES make snide remarks; it's hardly uncommon. She's not jealous or insecure, she doesn't feel as though she belongs and that they just ignore her. They don't sound particularly welcoming either.

@cabayern9416 Год назад

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 You fail to understand. This is all a manipulation and he is too gullible to recognize it. She tells him to go, so she is "the good guy" and his parents will appear to be the selfish, evil ones. She is not attempting to create a peaceful coexistence. She is constructing a situation which will require a choice. This is all a mind game and Mr. Naive is not emotionally intelligent enough to see this. Ms. Clingy Narcissist wants him all to herself and has no understanding of his cultural values as she can't stand having to share his attention.

@trp5995 5 месяцев назад

I just came across this video. The biggest problem with my in-laws is that they don't have boundaries, and to make it worse, my wife is afraid of placing appropriate boundaries. Example: We were planning a trip of a lifetime for a milestone anniversary. About 10 months prior, and after we had done some planning, my wife is visiting with her sisters. She is excitedly talking about, and then blurts out to them, "Do you all want to come along with us?" One of her sisters actually thought this was a serious invitation, took her up on this. I learned about this incident about two weeks after it happened. So, rather than having what I was hoping to be a second honeymoon, I'm stuck on a 10 day trip with my sister-in-law. My wife and I argued a lot about this, but she refused to uninvite her. The story was that "K.. would be SO HURT by this." What about me? And believe me, she wasn't pleasant company on this trip, as she was constantly around. I didn't have good options here, but looking back, I think I should have cancelled the trip if my wife was unwilling to uninvite her. I'm probably as much to blame as anyone here for not being more forceful about this, but it does help me to vent this. And although the video was about how a spouse should interact with her in-laws, I think there are lessons that should be learned about how to be a good in-law, and the first of these is to respect your child's or sibling's marriage and their spouse.

@bethanyhdbd3377 4 месяца назад

I get your side of it. However, I don't see why your wife would ask the question if she didn't mean it. Personally, I wouldn't necessarily want to do a trip with my brother and his wife. However, if my sister in law asked, I would think it was something she wanted and I'd consider it because she asked. My thoughts would start considering that my brother and his wife wanted me to go. It doesn't mean I would, but depending on the circumstance...who knows...maybe I would if I thought it's what they wanted.

@emze.6516 2 месяца назад

I would cancel my ticket and let them both have it.

@handmaidleah Месяц назад

As a new mother-in-law it is beyond disturbing how hated we are, how cut off and cut out we are because everyone has this right to always be comfortable in every situation, except the MIL, we must shut up, show up and wear beige. We are also cut out of the lives of our children because a spouse is “uncomfortable “ with us… this is the worst part of parenting.

@thatsfunny2051 29 дней назад

Adults have to be free to form their own families. Unfortunately, very often mothers in law throw sand in the gears of this process.

@cpvx4325 2 месяца назад

Been with my husband for 12 years and dated 10 years prior. I used to love his family but after some self love and growth, I realized they were no longer for me. The constant passive aggressive comments and gossiping was exhausting to be around. We moved away and never looked back. Thankfully my hubby was very protective of my peace and would always vocalize to not assimilate to his family bc he knew how they were. Now we only see them on very special occasions and it works for us. It is awkward but at least they’re somewhat nicer since we’re not around enough for them to be assholes. 😂

@aprilchow-chee5281 Год назад

I hate being around my spouse family. He works with them and goes by them everyday I go once a week sometimes 3 but I go usually once a week. Its not easy but put in the effort in when you can.

@Mary-el3pi Год назад

M’y in-laws were hot and cold both before marriage and especially after we announced the first pregnancy. MIL chose to pay more attention to her daughter’s children over ours…my sweet FIL apologized but it was so hurtful. She and my sister in law made fun of me, my religion, etc. Over the years, and it was awful. Strangely enough, after my husband passed away she saw me as « the golden child » and decided she liked me after37 years. I don’t have much contact with the sister in law anymore…a relief! Be with the family when and if you must to keep the peace, but don’t let them ruin your life or try to ruin your marriage.

@susansunflower 2 месяца назад

You should be happy your husband has such a close family. Your daughter needs to be with extended family. You need to grow up and appreciate what you and your husband have. A lot of people dont have extended family and would love to have that situation.

@abrahamflores2566 10 месяцев назад

Just some perspective here, many cultures around the world have amazing family dynamics/traditions/connections but here in the US there very much is an individualism complex going around. Dont isolate yourself and create an even better family environment for everyone to join.

@sobeliever1638 10 месяцев назад

It may not be better just bc it is different though

@RepentImmediately 8 месяцев назад

Well, in the US a lot of families are toxic and dysfunctional so separating and looking out for yourself can be good and in some cases, is necessary for survival. I cut my family off this year and I've never felt more peaceful and relaxed.