I remember when I was about 21, I confronted my narcissistic parents about the abuse they inflicted on me and my siblings. I honestly believed that my siblings would have my back - but instead, there was a severe backlash and they turned everyone against me; including my best friend. I was simply blown away when my GC sister said emphatically, "Mom and Dad were great parents!" I couldn't believe my ears. The abuse continued until I finally went No Contact with all of them at 51 years' old. I'll be 55 this year and have never been happier. My acid reflux is gone, and I'm truly enjoying my life.
I have an older sister that was abused like the rest of us. She totally defends every action of my parents from when we were children to the present day. I think they are still nasty to her but she protects protects protects. I don't know why she would do this.
@Coco - That's because she's in denial. If she had to admit that she was abused and her parents did not love her, she wouldn't be able to handle it. It takes immense courage to admit the truth to ourselves and then begin the healing journey. It's not for the faint-hearted. After all, we became the scapegoat because we were the strong ones in the family - and our narcissistic family wanted to make sure that we would never hold up a mirror to them.
I have now gone no contact with my narcissistic mother. It's definitely a healing process. I have good days and bad days. I think I am just amazed how these types of people live and feel no remorse for anyone other than themselves. I know I will be the best version of myself, once everything is healed by staying away from her.
I am incredibly sorry you went through this! But honestly it is wonderful to hear that you are liberated! My brother-in-law who is the scapegoat continues to be addicted to drugs and is about 200 pounds overweight it’s so so sad I’ve tried to help him and reach out to him but he actually makes me out to be the bad guy but it’s almost like he has Stockholm syndrome so I’m very glad to hear that you are awake!
OMG! Same here. My sisters got very upset when I brought up the abuse. I was the scapegoat and my sister the golden child, my little sister would fluctuate between the scapegoat and golden child, but mostly golden child. They are very upset with me, I definitely faced more abuse than them, though.
When anyone asks about my mother I always say she died in 1983. After it's said, no one asks anything more. There's no reason to discuss your personal life with anyone. It's none of there business.
Natural all natural White pistachio nut what did she do to be rendered “dead”? While I personally wouldn’t - you do not know what people have been through and perhaps this is a measure to cap the mental anguish survivors know too well. Child abuse is disgusting. Please be aware - we are living for ourselves finally, and so are others. It hard to be made to feel guilty your whole life, escape them and be made to feel like a bad person because of society’s obsession with victim blaming and supporting sociopathy. We all have the right to protect ourselves how we feel fit.
RealWorldReport My mother such a psycho Narcissistic beast, she turned all her 6 children against each other, so 2 years ago I decided I don't want to be around her, and even if I die before her I don't even want her around at my funeral !!
The golden child reminds me of the "trustees" in concentration camps, the ones who get extra food and priviliges for turning in or ratting on fellow prisoners, its the same dynamic, as a scapegoat I detest the golden child, who in my case has become a carbon copy narcissist of my parents.
This is what happened in my family. I am the Scapegoat/ female but my brother is the golden child. My mother picked fights with me and would love to get me all emotional fired up and then get her satisfaction with watching the golden child come to her rescue. I have never raised a hand to my mother but somehow she wanted my brother to think that i would. It was terrible. Now she is old and no one hardly ever goes to see her and she is waving that carrot to me. Calling me and asking if i need any help. It is so tempting because i do have finanical problems but do not want to come close to her because she hurt me through- out my entire child hood. Thank you for this video.
+OceanSound100 No matter how desperate you get, hang onto that decision and don't take her "help" - especially if it's money! This is one of the most effective ways narcs (especially the old ones) use to get someone they've abused to come back just close enough to sink their claws into, so to speak, and then they can and WILL literally own and control you. You will never, ever get away from a narc who gave you money, even voluntarily, even if it was joint money anyway, like a spouse, or a parent trying to get at the spouse by hurting the child, etc. I've been reading all these books and discussing it in therapy for over a year before finding this channel, but it's really helped me to put together all the missing pieces and see how it worked in real life. It may be scary, but it's true.
+Christina Kontz Thank you, She stopped calling me because I have changed my ways -- I used to answer my phone a lot, but i have decided that if it is an important call then the person will just leave a message -- she does not leave messages, she just keeps calling trying to get me to answer and when i finally do, she says , I have been trying it get hold of you. This is heart breaking really -- but i just can not endure any more pain from my family.
my narc. mother did the same, get me very worked up by endlessly pushing every button in the book she knew she could push and would have and effect. When I was enough worked up, she would literally smirk, I mean literally smile while I was in tears loaded with hurt. That evil little witch then would go on to my golden child brother and say''look, she is difficult'' ''theres the proof, so to speak'' why she ''had'' to leave me behind. I hope my mother at least gets a very painful death for all the abuse and torture she put me through. I'm half way considering writing a letter to the mayor of the small village she lives in, to spill the beans on why her daughter (me) was left behind in another country, mind you, her sick child, meaning me.
I feel for you. The only time my mother ever said I love you to me was when she was elderly and helpless. I knew it wasn't love it was manipulation to have me help her. I did help her but it didn't love her. She killed my love for her with her hatefulness.
I was the golden child for such a long time from a very early age. I didn't even know growing up this was something that our parents would do to us. By the time I was in my twenties I realized there was something very wrong with my family members. I had to literally reprogram my mind by readig self help books just get the hell out of there. It truely is a fight against good and evil.
I was the scapegoat in a family of four, brother (exactly like my father), narcissistic, insecure father and insecure, batshit religious mother. All very rigid, un-sociable personalities. I was always considered by outsiders to be the most social one, I think this was probably a unconscious reaction to the level of toxicity I always felt surrounded me; there was such a lack of emotional connection and deathness in the house, that seeing other people was a fucking release. I dont know why my parents where and still do not know how to communicate with us, I swear on my life, till this day I have never had a proper conversation ever with them. These are the same people who are able to go speak for hours on the phone to friends and yet cant even start a conversation with their children; a massive red flag for me though, which I pay much attention to. My brother was always the destined for greatness kid, until he failed his GCSE's and had to re-do it, before that I remember my father and mother having a convo with my brother in whispers telling him that I was stupid and that he was their only hope, I walked into the room to find stifled smiles of adults who in that moment looked like teenagers to me. When my brothers grades slipped and they turned on him, surprise, surprise they had a quiet convo with me in which they told me exactly the same thing they told him. I'm soo glad I was there to hear it the first time, this incident gave me a good idea of who these kind of people are like. My brothers unfortunate reaction to losing his spot is to completely almost give up on himself, he like me knows what happened in this house was devilishly cruel, but he seems to have a necessity to remain as their lackey, and use me as a punching bag for his unwanted emotions.
Very well said freddie. It's all too often that the most compassate child is seen as weak and supply for the Narcissist's feedings. Thank you for writing and sharing.
I was the scapegoat and my younger sister the GC. my brother soon took my place once I was finally kicked out and signed over to the state.I couldn't understand why she hated so much.I was suicidal for years until I realized it wasn't me after all.I thought I would go crazy because nothing made sense.she was so controlling, angry, and abusive. God got me through all that. I'm at peace today and i have honestly forgiven her.
I'm really very sorry for what you have gone though. I have a simlar story. I think a lot of us do. Forgiveness is fine and good if it helps you with your journey and mental health, but please, please, never forget. That's what I did and I was, at age 52, in that Suicidal mode. Wishing you even more peace.
2rustylink, we all can forgive because everything with a NM isn't personal.. It's just business. It's all lies, confusion, and fake. If someone isn't real they in effect don't exist and that helps me. All of us never had a mother. We had nightmares. NC I cannot stress enough MUST be forever. I'm sorry you were treated so badly.. and you caught my eye because my sister was also signed over to the state for no reason. NM still brags with righteous indignation about this horrible act.
I was the golden child of my family (narcissistic mother, ignoring dad, scapegoat older sister, and me). I didn't realize what had happened to me until I moved far away from my family, fell on my face many times (jobs, relationships), and realized the problems stemmed from the behaviors I had absorbed from my mother (what you call "grooming"). At the age of 28, I learned for the first time about what narcissism was, and the roles my mom had cast my sister and myself into to get attention. Since then, I have dedicated myself to rebirthing myself. I am on a quest to understand who I really am. Because I spent years just being a cutout of my mother. I want to add that my mother, when she sensed that I had pulled away and shut her out, switched roles. I am now the scapegoat, and my sister has become the golden child.
I have tried to inform my sister about these dynamics, but she won't listen. After years of being treated like shit, she finally is having the limelight as the new golden child (she is 36). She feels happy and loved with all the attention my mother is lavishing upon her. I believe that she even feels slightly smug about my downgraded position, and happy to be the loved one. It breaks my heart sometimes, to see her display this attitude. But I understand why she feels this way. I will still love my sister, no matter how badly my mom tries to tear us apart. I believe that through consistent love and faith, that I can conserve a healthy relationship with her.
She lived for years in your shoes... and as a child too. Where you can't really discern what's going on and/or understand whyyy on earth 'your sister/brother is getting treated so much better. Consider yourself lucky the roles got reversed while you were an adult and didn't have to swim those murky waters as a child.
+Cathy Goltsoff YES! If I ever e-mail my sister, I can just wait for months before she replies. Same with letters. But if she calls, she talks for hours and hours no matter what's going on here, and she never even asks if I have time. She sometimes starts insisting I do things, go places, visit her, whatever she chooses, and then pushes and pushes and gets all nasty in a sweet but scary kind of way if I don't obey her...yes, it hurts like crazy.
I grew up being the SG with my younger sister taking the role of GC. This video sums it up perfectly. She would steal and lie and I would take the blame - of course SHE wouldn't do something like that (according to NM). Finally at 47 years old I've started to understand what went on in that horrible home, which NM made look so perfect from the outside. I hope we all find peace.
Somebody was stealing my grandmother's money from the bank, writing and cashing her checks. Then my grandmother (NM), blamed me for taking her purse and stealing her checks. Then her bank called and they told her they have the person at the bank who is writing those checks. When my grandmother went over to the bank it turns out it was the golden child who was stealing her money. Then when my grandparents came home I confronted her about it and she totally covered for the golden child. It was disgusting. I couldn't believe it.
I grew up in a narcissistic family and was the scapegoat child, the eldest of two girls. My mother is an overt narc and my father is the enabling codependent. There was physical, sexual, emotional and verbal abuse as well beginning from the time I was about 3 years old. God in His mercy has fogged over some of those memories, some of them I remember as if it were yesterday. I experienced a series of horrific relationships with narcopaths throughout my adult life up until I met my husband 2 years ago. I am finally beginning the journey towards healing after having used drugs and alcohol for many years to anesthetize the pain. I am now almost 1 year sober and starting to feel again...... My nerves and anxiety are triggered very easily, from years of constantly living in fear. I've made the difficult decision this past week to go no contact with my family. It is the hardest thing I've ever done, but I know it's the right thing. My nightmares have finally stopped. Your videos are so validating and encouraging, and have inspired me to begin a series of videos on my channel Wonders in the Wasteland. There is a spiritual component of narcissism that is very obvious for those with eyes to see. My testimony is on there if you or anyone on this channel would like to listen to it. It may help others who have struggled with addiction, abuse, and demonic influences in their lives. Our stories have power, I believe. Just by telling it, you may be giving someone the key to unlock their prison. God bless you, my friend. ~Katey~
my sister was the golden child...she was praised for everything, from her being the gorgeous one (my mother actually used to say that the good looking daughter was not here when anyone complimented me) to her having the most fantastic hubby, kids,taste etc etc, but for years I couldn't understand her (my sisters) behaviour towards me...she would play the victim and then show displays of jealousy and envy...she called her daughter Emily after my daughter who was older was named Emma! She turned into my mother...jealous and very sly, both concocting tales together, taking all help she needed...then when my mother showed her true colours, both her and my father and siblings would turn on me...now I understand, I am more able to stop thinking I was the problem! Life is so much more bearable without these toxic people in it...when my children started suffering the same, it was time to bale out!
This started happening with my two daughters,what had happened with me and my brothers as kids was now repeating its self through my kids,choosing favourites! Id watched it slowly develop over time,but when my eldest daughter said..granny favours me more than ****** that was it! I knew it wasnt in my head anymore. Time to go.
you explained this very well. I'm the scapegoat and my brother is the golden child. he had special treatment throughout our childhood. he can do no wrong while I could do no right and now's he's a flaming narcissist like my mother. telling me I CHOSE to stay in the abusive household even tho I was a kid and had no means to leave. telling me abuse is all mom knows since she was a battered wife at one point so I should just excuse her. as if two wrongs make a right. They expect me to be the punching bag and not have any rights. I have no contact with either. good riddance to both. I hope to never see either agan.
+Melisusy21 Good for you going no contact. I had the same kind of experiences in my family. I am sorry your mother was a battered wife, but that doesn't give her the right to hurt you. You did not choose to stay in an abusive household, you were a child. Your brother doesn't have a right to expect you to take the abuse from her or from him. You have a right to take care of yourself and go no contact. Hang in there Melisusy21. Be brave. And stay away from them...they will never change.
Same here,had to go no contact too. My mother and older sister are the most manipulative, lieing, and selfish people I know. They are Soo toxic to be around. I used to get sever anxiety when I would have to be around them or take a phone call from them. I absolutely hated my childhood. I would scream child abuse and everyone would just laugh at me,or say I was making things up. Finally, at 67 years old my father who was the inabler,left and divorced my mother. He became the punching bag after I moved out my senior year in high school. He now sees everything. Has apologized to me and has acknowledged that he now knows I wasn't lieing or making up stories back then.
this is how i describe my life with my family. i have listened to your videos now and i am taking some of what you said in and i have decided to move away from these people. you explain it perfect.
How incredibly validating! This video is very triggering, but I am so relieved that i'm not alone and that someone understands (although, i'm sorry you had to endure the same horrible abuse). Gaslighting has caused me to believe that I have imagined all of this and no one believes me. When I try to reach out to someone, she tells them I am severely mentally ill. I do suffer from social phobia and panic attacks, but i'm not crazy. When confronted, my mother will tell me that my memories are skewed. Subsequently, I end up feeling extreme shame and guilt for even assuming my own mother could do such a thing. Being the daughter of a narcissistic mother is extremely isolating and painful. Just before I went no contact, I started asserting bounderies with my mother and she would respond terribly each time. Once she screamed "BUT I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!" when I told her that I wasn't staying over to help her cook Thanksgiving for her and my golden child brother. I had other plans, I am a 32 year old adult, but she still sees me as a child and when i'm around her, I feel that way. I am terrified of her. I have lived my entire life thinking there was something wrong with me. If my own mother couldn't love me, then who could? My father raised me after her boyfriend pawned my toys and spent the rent money on crack cocaine for the second time, but for some reason I am forever indebted to her in her eyes for simply bringing me into this world. I suffer with extremely low self esteem, i'm socially inept and introverted. Maybe, that's why she chose me. I only wanted to please. I only wanted love. She could do whatever she wanted to me because she knew i'd crawl right back to her, apologizing as if I deserved it. I have been in therapy for three years and i'm healing. I believe I am a codependent adult, but i'm working on that. I have trouble telling people no, and i'm working on asserting healthy boundaries also. Thanks so much for making these videos. They are chilling, but they are real. My heart goes out to all children of narcissists!
+MisanthropicMystery I am the scapegoat too. I am 48 years old now and just beginning to wrap my head around this unbelievably horrible and tragic phenomenon. WTF? Almost everything you said I can relate to. I was isolated in my room for a lot of my childhood and didn't know social skills, didn't know how people are, men, what to watch out for. Married 2 abusers back to back. I guess I was extremely naïve and trusting. I think I was "punished' so much because I believed in God and the Bible truly and was kind and compassionate whereas my mother, (who was much worse) and my father were fake Christians and hippocrites and I would tell them they were doing bad things or I would say who do you think you are? How can you be like that? that's not what God's word says to behave like, etc. I got the stare of death many times from my mother. Why is it usually mothers who are like this? I am always told by my parents when I bring up a memory of past abuse: I am brain damaged, lying, making things up, you dreamed that, you are confused in your memories- you read that in a book, etc. I have: depression, hopelessness, loneliness, despair, anxiety, some of what you said. Lots of Gaslighting was done to me also, no one ever believes me, no one helps or has any empathy. My mother has gotten to every extended family member. My younger brother was/is the Golden Child. He is doing well in life and financially. I am in poverty and isolated. Everyone I meet seems to take advantage of me, disrespect me, use and abuse- I refuse to put up with them though, better to be alone, but I hate being alone. I don't feel o.k. alone. Does anyone else feel not ok to be alone, live alone, do everything alone with no end in sight? It has been 2 years now since my 2nd divorce and I am trying to get out of the mental health system's housing which is abusive itself. I am trying to go to school to have a better life. My parents are well- off but refuse to help me with a car loan or even a ride to school. They are such good Christians, leaders of my church. I asked them WHY- WHY do you HATE me? WHY don't you love me? WHY won't you help me? They always say I did drugs, which is true- I feel this was brought on by so much continuous abuse. When I went for help to my parents, my church, therapists- I never got any help, no one ever said I was being abused. I would tell them everything. I was always set up by the narc mom or narc husband. They are always there ahead of you before you even know what is going on. I have been clean for many years, with 1 short relapse which was about 2 years ago. I tried drugs experimentally in high school. That is their excuse for my childhood torture and brainwashing techniques done to me as a pre-teen. I hadn't done anything(no drugs) when that occurred. I did have a drug problem for about ten years off and on as a married adult. I could get absolutely no help or empathy from anyone my whole life. "Whenever I ask my parents why they treat me so bad and refuse to help, support or acknowledge anything good I do that is always their excuse- "you did drugs". It is just what they know I feel bad about so they use it. It is the only thing they can say that I did wrong. I wanted my marriages to work desperately because I needed to have the love and support I never got from my mom and dad. Unfortunately, I married Narcissistic abusers both times and there is no way a truthful, loving person can stay in a relationship with these people. My middle daughter says she wishes she wasn't pretty because she says: "being pretty never got me anything", and just brought more jealousy from mean narc girls. I think she may be right. Women always have been mean to me too and I can never make friends. Or not healthy, 2 way street friends. I am not saying I am so great looking, or anything like that. Does anyone else think looks have anything to do with becoming a target of abusers?
You echoed what has gone through my head consciously or subconsciously almost every day of my life, "If my own mother doesn't love me, then who will?". That painful feeling of being all alone in the world-of feeling different than other women. My husband just walked out unexpectedly and without discussion, after 18 years, and I'm trying so hard to feel differently but it confirms what I always thought-that I'm not lovable and people will abandon me.
No you kept going back because you were trauma bonded. I did the same thing. I can relate to soooo much of you story. Especially the part about if my own mother doesn't/can't love me how can anyone else. I so remember telling my self those exact words. They did horrible things. I am just realizing now how broken I was (36 y.o.) when I finally found the strength to walk away.
Keep dropping knowledge brother. This is my life. All the way. I found out I have mild autism recently in my 40s so socially I'm a bit enept so my narrcisst parents has used my for many years. It's all clear to me now.
Thanks for the video! I actually cried listening to this. This is my father and now my sister. She was young when my parents divorced and she has become him. So sad.
Thankyou, as a scapegoat child myself your videos are unbelievably accurate of my family and childhood my mother being a narcissist. Although it pains me to know you and others have had to live through this kind of abuse. Your videos and the the knowledge that others understand the confusion, pain and isolation from their evil and manipulative actions gives me great solace. As well as come to terms with my own true self worth and empathy. I wish you as well every other victim and survivor peace and strength to rise past the struggle and see the gift they truly are. You are doing an amazing thing please continue to speak up.
AMAZING explanation! Thank you sooooooooooo much! Both of my parents are narcissistic. I´m the scapegoat and I´m 45 years old. My sister is the golden child and she became narcissist herself. She´s 4 years younger. I had an argument with her last year because my niece wanted to be in the spotlight in the family meeting. I shared my attention with her and her brother, so my niece started crying and created a huge drama. My mother asked me to give her anything from my Disney collection to calm her down and I said no. My sister left and hasn´t spoken to me since then. She said: "If you do anything to my children, you are doing to me". I haven´t talked to my parents for almost 8 months and they never bothered to contact me, after all the pain they caused me last year when I took them to a trip of my dreams and they ruined it on purpose. Now that I´m not talking to tehm, my sister is happy to have all their attention. My parents also treat their granddaughter as a "princess", making her the golden child more than my sister was as a child. The story repeats itself but it got even worse.
I remember learning from you last year, but your message really hit me good this time. Just reflecting on my childhood brought back some horrible memories. I remember my parent and younger sibling enjoying themselves at evil things. No remorse, just cunning and devious. This should be a compulsory subject in schools. So much potential gone to waste because of these toxic parents. May God be with all survivors! Today and every day after!
It depends on if the narcissist is lucky enough to have a golden child who is genetically prone to becoming NPD. Like my dad always desperately wanted me to be the golden child but my personality never enjoyed victimizing or gossiping and I loved animals way too much to be evil. My brother tends to persecute and violate others (he was the scapegoat). The scapegoat isn't necessarily immune from being infected biologically with the NPD gene just like the golden child isn't necessarily prone to NPD. Grooming and stuff only worked up to a certain extent and at a certain age with me. My dad definitely tried to stop my independence because he wanted to control me except that fell through because my personality is too strong to control - not even a hot girl can make me not say what I really think, and a hot girl has way more control over my behavior than my pathetic father. Like if a hot girl tells me to behave and to not say the usual assy stuff I say (not necessarily victimizing people though), just expressing opinions that sound ugly like "if a chick looks like a hello kitty floaty, then the Asian fetish stereotype doesn't apply because to fit that stereotype, you have to be hot an Asian, not a yellow bubble". I can behave up to a certain extent when hot girls ask me to, but in the end, I'll still express my true opinions (good or bad). I guess I'm saying with some kids the NPD has, their methods can blow up in their faces if the kid isn't made for it. Like for NPD stuff to work, the kid has to be dumb with a weak personality and low empathy, low intelligence OR have the NPD gene.
+kasumigenx Yeah I'm kind of against the notion that NPD is created, as if environment was the cause... NPD types are just those that came out evil. During a fight with my grandma (my NPD dad's mother) I told her the ugly truth, that she should've killed him when he was young because by keeping him alive, he basically f*cked up the rest of her kids. For a long time she was in denial something was wrong with him but in that moment, that look on her face...revealed that she did know he was evil. NPD isn't created, one is just born that way. I'm not sure where the notion that they're created comes from since it doesn't make sense. Like if it was created then we'd all be NPD
this whole idea is exactly the truth-- my bother is a Narcissists and his wife is and his kids are because they were groomed to be this way--- they know nothing else!!
This is exactly what my Mom is, and her golden child, she allowed the golden child to dictate her entire life. My Mom is 83 after 7years I was able to see my Mom, because of the golden child had prohibited me to see her, My Mom lives with her golden child, after four visits with my Mom, the golden child disrespected me cursing me out she has a lot of rage and screaming at the top of her lungs, I have finally figured out what is going on, I’m not going to ever see them again. My Mom separated her complete family none of my siblings speak to each other, they only care about money and they love to hate. My sister the golden child started the argument, because she claims she is taking care of my Mom, My Mom complains that she gives her all the money she has for rent and food, and when she has a dr. Appt. that sister says horrible things to her because she has to give her a ride, so when I later talked to my Mom about those things, she justifies why the golden child does those things. Their is so much I can go on and on, I am completely cutting them off, I feel bad for my Mom but she has done this to herself. I will continue to move forward in my life and I’m letting all her calls go to voicemail.
My golden child brother definitely learned early on exactly where he fits in the equation, and how to get away with anything without invoking N-mom’s ire. He stole, did drugs, slept around, and none of that bothered her at all so long as he still gave her supply. But if I did any of those things, there would be hell to pay. The double standard just to maintain her supply is nuts!
You have JUST described PERFECTLY my husband's father and brother (who is the Golden Child and probably worse than his father in the area of being a dangerous narcissist)
Yes, in my family, my sister, the golden child at a young age, grew to be a narcissist out performing my mother. I had just tried to kill myself last year, 2015, and I was 67 at that time.
I am so grateful for finding your channel! Your words resonate for me, as I recently have discovered that this is where my 'difficult' family relationship stems from. I have watched nearly every one of your videos and your words and passion when delivering those words are incredible. This video specifically describes my struggle in great detail, and I feel as if you know me and my family dynamics. Thank you a million times! Your videos have been a part of a tremendous change in my life!
I was for entire bloodline a scapegoat. I am an older women, gave my heart to Yashua and I am fine in His love. But I still wish and miss the love I needed through my life from my ,so called " a family ". Even now I can sence how they r enjoying their hate for me. Yes, true.
I have been watching my youngest half brother become my mothers golden child! As he has fixed up her kitchen and he has now replaced my full blooded sister. it must hurt her a lot to be replaced…. As she is now my moms care taker. The new golden child has become so awful, that I can no longer stand to be around him. And we were so close at one time… i have just returned from Calif back to my home in FL. and I found your videos, they have helped me a great deal. i was attacked when I went to Calif to make peace with my N. mother because she is 86 yrs old. And I wanted to make peace with her. Everything in me told me not to go… But I was afraid of the guilt that I would feel… I even apologized for not being a better daughter. which in my heart I knew was wrong. But it was my gift to her! Wow do I feel like a fool. I left home at 17 to get away. I went into therapy in my 30s. And my therapist told me I was raised by a N. And to quit looking down that empty well…. i should have taken his advice as I am now 65 and can't take the stress anymore… Many nights with no sleep and medicine for anxiety. I am now NO CONTACT! Thank you for these videos...
This is the exact story of my covert narc husband(golden child) and his scapegoat siblings. What a pity!:( They still praise him, he still gloats in that admiration while I am left feeling disgusted, pained and lonely. Thank you for sharing your valuable knowledge. Much peace, love and light to you ❤
WOW!!! First time listening to your videos and you answered a plaguing question that has been eating away at me for about one year. Until very recently, I was involved with a Narcissist (at best), most likely a Sociopath, who has made one of his two female children (now adults) into his Golden Child. What perplexed me until I listened to your video on "The Making of The Golden Child" was how could a Narcissist/Sociopath be capable of loving one child so much when one of the characteristics of the NPD is they are incapable of loving anyone (including their off-springs) except themselves. What you just talked about in this video now makes sense....the way this man I dated catered to his adult daughter's every need and made sacrifices of his time & energy for her and her two illegitimate daughters to the point of being obsessed with them. I was never allowed in the home, but from what I was told: the Narcissist and one adult daughter and her two very young daughters all lived together in a rented condo.. The daughter gave birth to one of the two children shortly after I first met the Narcissistic/Sociopath man a few years ago. She gave birth to a second daughter within the past year. The man I dated on and off (I will refer to him as the Narc) adores all three of them and fawns over them so much that I began wondering if incest was occurring in that home. He told me that when he is ready to go to bed at night, he picks up one of the granddaughters and puts them in bed with him and sleeps with the child. His adult daughter works full time. Up until this past year, the granddaughters were in day care while their mother worked until the Narc decided to be a stay-at-home grandfather to care for the granddaughters. He is in his late 50's and refuses to go out and earn a living for himself and prepare for retirement or earn a regular income. He states that he is an "entrepreneur" and comes up with grandiose schemes to make big money, because he is views himself above getting a "regular" job where he has to answer to a "boss" or work for anyone. Since I met him, he has not had a regular paying job. Last I knew, he claims he has no car and is using his daughter's car while she is at work. He raves about how his daughter broadcasts her love for her Narc father on facebook, which I have witnessed on facebook! He told me that one of his 3 ex-wives left him because she had a problem with the relationship between the Narc and his Golden Child Daughter. She was not the maternal mother. The Narc father raised his Golden Daughter and his Scapegoat daughter as a single parent for the most part, between three marriages. He claims he was divorced from all three women and is now single. His whole life revolves around his adult Golden Child daughter and her two toddler age daughters. This Narc is good looking, charismatic, manipulative and basically a con artist, as I discovered the hard way. He rarely had time for me and treated me like I was beneath him. He tried to make me feel sorry for him because he was broke always and didn't have a car. He tried to get me to give him money to help him get on his feet. I gave him money once. After that I refused and he accused me of being selfish, self-centered, without morals or values, not a friend, and evil. Since the subject of this comment is directed at The Making of The Golden Child, I will stay on the subject. There was so much verbal, psychological and emotional abuse directed at me by this Narc, I could write a book! In closing, I will add that he let me know that his other daughter, who was obviously the scapegoat, was no good and he cut her off from helping her out & they have had no contact for years, as a result of his doing. My dilemma has been how could this man actually be a Narcissist/Sociopath and be so loving and devoted to his adult daughter and her two daughters (his grandchildren)? After listening to your video, I now understand the dynamics and you answered the question I have been asking myself. He is using them for his benefit and to validate himself as a loving person and perfect father and grandfather at their expense. He is the moon and sun to his Golden Child adult daughter and his two grandchildren by her. His Golden Child adult daughter glorifies him and make him into a God....proof as raves about him on facebook saying he is one of a kind and they don't know what they would do without him!!!!! I am done with him and have finally gone No Contact after being under his spell for several years. Than you for shedding light on this aspect of the puzzle I was still trying to figure out!!!!
my brother who is a few years younger....developed epilepsy....and my mother was devastated.....Obviously she wanted the mirror but couldn't take the imperfections. She used to tell him I was jealous of him because she gave him more attention. she told me he was jealous of me because I didn't have health issues. She still favored him because he never questioned her...etc. She paid very little attention to me and I knew out of sight out of mind. I stayed mostly in my grandparents house. but when he married she was enraged because she lost her golden child to another woman. you happen to be right...he did join with her in many ways...I was completely ostracized and was never invited to any family functions, and never shared our children milestones in life. His wife completely believes my mother and has completely stopped having any kind of a relationship with me and my family. Now the end is near. as she is very old and sick..and I can't wait to get away from everyone....It was a waste of 60 years of relationships....I never knew exactly why until just recently. What a terrible thing...never to know.
my youngest sister is the Golden Child and she is just as sick as both my parents. She goes into Narc Rages and totally flips out if you even look at her wrong. I would leave in tears because my parents would stand there and do NOTHING. Then i'd call back maybe 2 weeks later and bring it up and my mom has ZERO recollection of any of it. I always wondered why she would ALWAYS take my sisters side in everything. I would drive me insane. So frustrating and bring me to tears. If I ever EVER said anything against my sister though, boy oh boy, well we don't go there. NOBODY talks negative about the golden child. My mother worships her and they are two of a kind. My mother, father, and sister all so screwed up. I'm glad I see that now, and I know im not the crazy one.
Great vid, as usual. What the narcissistic parent(s) and enablers never consider is that the "Golden Child" could have retained stored memories of having been "special" and later on, when they become a 'Scapegoat" they depend on their own remembered "specialness" to put the narcissist in his/her place. It's like believing in one's own past "publicity", even though it isn't based on true ego strengths. Another variable, and possibly loosely connected here, is that the "Golden Child", who later becomes a "Scapegoat" might have acquired plenty of positive support and nurturing from caring people (like on this youtube channel) outside of the familial home and then builds enough strength to no longer feed the narcissist any more supply. When the "gig is up" it's all over for the sick narcissist. Both of these scenarios happened to me in relation to my narcissistic sperm-donor father, and all prior to modern-day technology.
This is brilliant. This describes and explains my golden child sister perfectly, and I hadn't understood why she seems to be a narc, even though she wasn't as abused as I was.
What you were saying, Tom, sounds like my Narc mom & MY SON. My brother was her golden child- but he disappointed her in a few ways, she groomed my son to be the next golden child. U gave me some ah ha moments- I didn’t realize that when I let him see grandma as a child that was what she was doing... she punished ME right in front of him all the time- now I know that was part of the grooming.., a lot too late tho.
Thank you so much for your videos. I've been watching and learning from them the last 2 days. Two months ago, I decided to have no contact with me narcissistic mother and emotionally unavailable father. I've had no contact episodes before but I always went back thinking they would change. However, this time I understand they will never change and I will always be the scapegoat. It's only been two months since I last had contact with them but I already feel so much better. I know that as long as I have them in my life, I will never heal and also attract others who have similar unhealthy traits. I hope you write a book or an audio CD because your videos have been the most helpful source on narcissism I have found.
This man is awesome. He knows exactly what he talking about. I was the scapegoat child and my little sister who is young enough to be my daughter is the golden child. Her whole reality is so distorted thanks to the evil and sick games that my narc mother plays. The only difference with me is that I eventually got the hell out of there before she causes me more pain and torture, and for as long as I live here on earth, I want absolutely nothing to with my narc mother or my sister/golden child. I've had enough. The pain I endure form my mother would lead to mental illness if god was not standing by my side.
This was soooo helpful. My narc ex was the Golden Child and this has cleared up sooo much for me. I was exclaiming, "YES!!" through the whole thing. Thank You!
This is so very true. So very sad, but spot on. Thank you for explaining it so clearly, and with so much understanding. It explains how and why my beautiful daughter showed such signs at such an early age, and has become a mirror of her narcissistic father. She mimicked his abuse of me and disrespect of me from early years onwards, and now is one of the most severely alienated children in NZ. He is so good at dangling the carrots, too.
I have been the golden child of narcissistic parents. I did not become like them, but having been so much praised throughout my childhood, (whereas my sisters seemed to have nothing to show up for) I developed the sense THAT I COULD NOT FAIL IN ORDER NOt TO DISAPOINT MY PARENTS. And from my adolescense on, I developed a painful anxiety about any possible mistakes that I could make. And I carried that into my adulthood. And it is painful, to the point of my having to take tranquilizers in difficult moments., because the anxiety is so bad. Other than that, I developed no other syndromes.
Right on again! Two things I would like to know. I know from your previous videos, that you reconnected with your mother, thinking that she might have mellowed with age, which she hadn't. And I feel sorry for you, that you had to go through that, but again thanks for sharing, we learn so much from your videos.
The golden child molested the scapegoat sibling in my family and my mother just protected him (the golden child) and did nothing about it. Your information has been so eye opening and validating. My mother has cut me out of her life because I want the 54 year old golden child to buy his own house and support himself. He hasn't worked in years and lives with mommy. Mommy ran his girlfriend if 12 years off. Even though my brother molested my sister, he's still the golden child that is financially supported and constantly bragged about. No contact was hard at first, but I don't have to watch it happen anymore. My mother is furious that me and my sister communicate because getting together on some things made us realize how screwed up our mom really has been.
My cousin sister and I use to be so close just like brother and sister. Growing up we were always with one another. Now, her and I don't even speak because of this narcissistic entitlement personality she has. She lives off my grandparents and they treat her like a golden child. It's a shame to see how people change because of money.
some serious mental thoughts right now omg this is so my family not been near her for 7 years n now thanks to you i soooo wont be putting all behind us n talking again thank you :)
I have known this to be true. My husband is the golden child and I now suspect by so many things that have occurred in my marriage to him, that he is a narcissist like my mil. He is a mamas boy groomed to serve her needs and he worships her and has never said any thing negative even as a joking gesture about his mother. His brother the scape goat who through the years I have seen him decline and now has mental and drug related issues. My mil is a horrible human being who has affected everyone's lives including my children because of her enmeshment with my golden child narcissist husband.
All your videos help me more than words can say. Because of them I no longer feel the need to talk or explain much about my 2 younger siblings, the GC and Enabler to anyone, not even to my lawyer who is fighting for my rights as I write this… I keep coming back to your videos as needed, they are so liberating, so validating. Peace
+Peace and Love Just a word of encouragement to you. I have been in your shoes, it is really hard, but as you can see from this video and the comments that were made by other viewers, we are not alone. In spite of the hurt caused by narcissistic parents, and their Golden child, I believe that being a scapegoat child can work to my advantage. I learned to face adversity with courage, and I learned how to be strong. And we scapegoats are usually kind, honest, and well meaning and gentle and helpful. We have qualities money can't buy. Narcissists are just the opposite. They lie, cheat and steal even from family members just to feel superior to us. The narcissists in my family have no empathy, and no compassion, and no conscience. They are hollow inside, like black holes, sucking all the goodness out of other people, because there is no goodness in them. They are greedy and mean, and are proud of themselves when they should really be ashamed of themselves. I wouldn't trade places with any the narcissists in my family, for all the money they have and all the nice "things" they have--I would rather have integrity and be a simple average person, working for an honest living while taking care of those I love, instead of stealing from them. Good luck with your legal action. Hope you have a good outcome. I do so appreciate these videos. They give me more understanding into the dynamics of my own family. I was the scape goat. My brother was the golden child who is now a raging narcissistic who has helped himself to my share of the inheritance. You would have to live with these kinds of people to really understand how messed up they are and how much hurt they cause. I wish you love and peace and all good things.
+D OKELLY Thank you for your support and encouragement. It helps a lot to know that you’re doing okay with what happened. I’m going through the last legal phase and my biggest battle has been to accept and trust that I will find peace and be able to live with what they did and be happy no matter how things turn out for me in the end.
You have no idea how helpful your videos can be to some people. I watch every single one of them and I identify myself as the scapegoat all the way. You Have a great week man. Thank you so much!
Came back to say thank you for doing these videos. It's very helpful for me to know that all these years I wasn't crazy & there are others that have similar circumstances. Hearing you talk about it makes it all real to me & aids in my healing. Again, I thank you & I wish you peace & healing as well. ~Susanne
Your welcome Susanne. Please remember, I do this for my own mental health as well and it is each and every single viewer that gives me validation! Sometimes I think it's the only way I stay alive. Thank you for writing.
So once again THANK YOU SO MUCH for doing these videos, and for getting back to me with answers to my many questions. I feel like I had to prove, have physical evidence or other kind of confirmation all my life, in order to be believed. Fighting against gaslightning etc. and here I am feeling exactly the same horrible way. Excuse my French, but WTF. No more feeling like a nothing. I AM, I have a saying, I deserve to be heard, but I don't know where to go.
Thank you so much for your videos, you have helped me so much, by that I mean they have helped me realise this dysfunction is not my fault, starting to feel stronger now. Thank you.
Fantastic accurate summation of behaviour by narcissistic parent. You have 100% detailed my situation which shows that this behaviour and dynamic is predictable. Thank you for this as without this information and explanation i think i would go crazy,its so difficult, Thank you so much
I had migraines for 41 years twice a month, 3 days each. 6 days out of the month. It would take me 3 days more to recover from each migraine as I was dehydrated, and could not eat. So total recovery days was 6 days out of the month also. This means I could not work 12 days out of the month. I tried everything: vegan, vegetarian, 8 hours sleep,, no additives, meditation, yoga, biofeeback, no coffee, acupunture, you name it. Then last year I went NC with my mother the narc. It has been 10 months without a single migraine. This is a miracle from God. I used to have sinus on the days without migraine. Allergies of every kinds. Now I have none of that. I feel amazing.
Hello .... Thanks very much for your cristal clear explanations on what narcissism is ... Your vids helped me to understand the phenomenon of narcissism. Please, could you also make a vid on what I understand is called the narcissist's "stare of death" ?
I am a fraternal twin. I was the scapegoat she was the golden child. My parents used to call me names, then my twin got other people to call me those names, including mentally retarded. I seriously can't believe my parents would tell me I am mentally handicapped. She even had the whole school bus chanting the names. When I told my dad this as an adult he said he never knew... my stupid mom (who right now has cancer) would lock me in my room for days at a time for having dust on my blinds (I was also diagnosed with adhd, very severe as an adult) My mom would say...'If it went for you, our family would be fine!' She would even say a few years ago, (screaming at me over and over)...'you've never been successful!' ... finally my dad told her to stop. She seems to be trying to be nicer to me, but deep inside she is rather evil. I don't know how I feel about her cancer... my twin is perfect to everyone and I am such a fuck up...I have my own business and it's successful, but it's never good enough. I have made peace with my dad, but I seriously hate my family dynamic. Its so embarrassing. Deep shame to be related to such whimpy, bullies. Learning soo much.... online...My dog taught me to stand up for myself after I saw how she would kill to protect me. I never had a creature protect and love me that way. My dog saved me. She gave me back my mamma bear emotion for my own self protection.
I was married to a covert narcissist but left him when our children were still young. He did this very thing to my 2nd son by raising him up and degrading my daughter and my son from an earlier marriage. After we were divorced, I became the scapegoat along with my 1st son and my daughter. He remarried and together they scapegoat onto us. My 2nd son said to me once, "I feel like I'm supposed to be the golden child." I don't know where he got that phrase because I had never heard it before, or I didn't think about it much in this context of covert narcissism. I defined what was happening to him in a way I could understand (his dad is favoring him and trying to pin him/us against each other. My mother is a sadistic narcissist and she turned my 1st son into her golden child by luring him with money and gifts, she still does this until he doesn't do what she wants then she verbally abuses him and cuts the strings until the next time her golden grandson is in need. She does both, to him, extreme reward and extreme punishment. He manipulates her as well.
I have been watching your videos today and they have helped me a lot! You put words to a truth I have known on some level for a long time, but was treated with even more disdain when I would speak my truth. This lead to years of more self doubt and shame. I think the Narcissist in my life, however, was more of a covert narcissist. While, the abuse may not have been as obvious, it makes recognizing this dynamic even more difficult. Not many people would have even believed what was going on, because it was done in a way that was stealth. It was subtle, dismissive and back handed. When it was called out, you were then made to feel guilty for speaking the truth. I am just now learning how to incorporate all of this into my life and learning to take care of myself.
This is the video I have been waiting for. My ex took my son out of no where and this makes so much sense now. Her father is extremely narcissistic and controlling. Same as the mother. My ex fiancé left home at 18 and met me a month later. She is now 23 and I’m 25. Now we have a son together. She discarded me like trash because she pulled tax fraud on me and I called her out. Then she was gone. ...I always knew her parents hated me... I feel horrible for my son. He does not deserve any of this... ...Well, this makes sense now. Looks like she chose her parents instead of me. Makes sense why the Final Discard has been absolutely RUTHLESS since she left!! Thank you for making this video. I finally understand exactly what’s going on. After 3 months of non stop research and many “Psychotic Episodes”. This video gave me the last piece of info that I needed to fully understand and let me tell you it has been absolute hell... So, let’s see If I understand it right? I am a Super Empath and she was a Narcissist this whole time... Damn...it does not get any easier no matter how many epiphanies you have. lol I am glad I know tho because this is about my son and I will protect His beautiful, pure soul from their evil and selfish ways.... Thank God, I figured this out 4 months before the court date. I know people that never figure it out or get over it. She messed with the wrong person. Thank your information. This is very greatly appreciated, Sir. Good Day!
this is bitter sweet because I was the golden child until I noticed the abuse at about 14, and at 17 even more, now my brother is the golden child and I became the scape goat. I rather it be this way , because my brother is meaner than my mother, and she is pretty mean
Wow! In your vids you describe my childhood and early adulthood. However, whilst recognition and awareness is fantastic, the most important thing is to MOVE ON. I started that process when I was nine years old - aware that something was seriously wrong, I shut down from my narcissist and went into survival mode as best I could. I can remember actually counting the years until I would be able to fully escape. All credit has to go to my grandparents, my great aunt and the parents of my earliest childhood friend, who, although unaware of what I was enduring, (the N having made sure of that of course), were super and made me understand how normal, healthy, loving familial relationships are. Being the scapegoat can actually be healthier in the long run - it teaches you survival skills early on, but the key, as you point out, is to totally go NO CONTACT! Being a strong character helps a lot too - am not sure how I would have survived if I had not been bright, confident and popular. I made the same mistake as you - went virtually no contact for about twenty years, then after becoming a mum, went low contact . . . Needless to say, a total mistake! If anything my N was even worse - the abuse level racked up to a sophisticated, devious note beyond my imaginings. Am now 100% NC and have no regrets. My N started to destroy any bond there should have been between us many moons ago, (earliest horror memory is from about 3 years old) and is dead to me. The only happy memories I have of my childhood do not involve this evil creature. Thank you so much for your fantastic insightful vids. But now I dip into this stuff only occasionally. The empathy between us survivors is healing and enlightening, but I stress again, MOVE ON. You are a fabulous person who deserves love, peace and recognition. Go find it.
Everything you said was exactly what I experienced. I was the scapegoat my brother was the golden child. What I didn't know and just found out from this video is that she groomed him to be a narcissist and that is something I have not realized. Wondered about his behaviors and the things he has done but overall he seems like a really good guy. Now I get it. 😬
My parents cherry picked the kids... the one girl and the one boy that were picked out of the six kids... They were the ones, the good ones, the able ones. Favors, loans, house remodels, and the lake cabin and so on--- they believe they deserve more than the others cause they believe they are better than the rest-- YES-- and pitting us all against each other-- It's a mess.
my older brother works in a really crappy job, with not enough hours to rest. my older brother and younger brother are probably the scapegoat. I hate how narcissim can be virtually undetectable by the individual, and that the kids who grow up with narcissim in there mind slowly become a narcissist, probably without knowing it. that's what makes narcissism so dam lethal. it's really insidious, far more extending than i can even comprehend. it is the ultimate evil.
Basically, the Golden Child exchanges their conscience and inner spiritiual self for the earthly rewards offered by the Narcissist or to put it in a theological perspective, they sell their soul to the devil for an earthly inheritance and the approval of others
YOU ARE SUCH A SAVIOR TO SPEAK ON THIS TOUCHING TOPIC. I WAS MADE THE BLACK SHEEP, THOUGH I LOOKED MORE LIKE MY MOM PARENT THAN THE OTHER 3 SHE HATED ME AND LET OTHERS HIT AND VERBALLY ABUSE ME. I HAD NO WHERE TO RUN! IT AFFECTED ME MENTALLY, LITERALLY DESTROYED MY SUBCONSCIOUS AND MY LIFE. I STILL HURT BEHIND IT BUT AT 37 YEARS OLD FEEL LIKE I NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD AND MOTHERS INTENTIONS AND MOVE ON. I AM MY OWN PERSON NOW AND MY MOTHER CAN NO LONGER HURT ME. I FIGHT EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE WITH GOOD AND BAD FEELINGS BUT THE GOOD OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. THANK YOU LORD. I AM A FIGHTER AND STRONG THOUGH LOTS OF DAMAGE TOOK PLACE. I VOW TO BE MY BEST FRIEND AND TO LOVE MYSELF EVEN SPOIL MYSELF TO MAKE UP FOR HOW HORRIBLE I WAS TREATED. I GUESS YOU CAN SAY I FORGAVE MY PARENT (MOTHER) BUT NEVER WILL FORGET. THE PAIN!!! I STILL LOVE HER BUT I STAY AWAY FROM HER AND NOW I DANGLE THE CARROT. I SHOW UP WHEN I WANT. LEAVE WHEN I WANT AND SHE'S HAPPY IF SHE SEE'S ME AT ALL. SHE TREATED ME THE WORSE BUT I AM THE ONE WHO WAS THERE FOR HER AFTER THE FACT! I FEEL STUPID AND WEAK SOMETIMES FOR HAVING SUCH A GOOD HEART BUT BEING A SCORPION I CAN BE THE MOST VENGEFUL IF I CHOSE TO BUT I JUST ISOLATE NOWADAYS. BUILD MY CHARACTER, STRIVE, AND STAY FAR AWAY FROM NARCISSIST. YOUR AN ANGEL AND COULD TEACH DR. PHIL A THING OR TWO! THANK YOU FOR CARING ABOUT THE BLACK SHEEPS, AND SHEDDING MUCH NEEDED LIGHT! BLESS YOU AND MY HEART GOES OUT TO ANYONE WHO WAS TREATED LIKE ME AND LITERALLY ASSASINATED BY THEIR OWN MOTHER! JUST KNOW IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT AT ALL! PEACE
I'm the oldest daughter of two narcissistic parents. First I believe I was the GC and was trained to ridicule and attack my father. At around 10?, I became the SG/BS and the GC-role went to my little sister who was trained to attack and berate me. I think both my siblings are GC-s now and me the broken down SG too messed up to be working or having any close relationship. In addition to this main pattern I think the role rotated somewhat. I remember observing myself from the outside while verbally abusing my father and thinking that this is really sick and very far from who I am or what I feel is right. At 19 I made a choice to never ever do that again to him or any other and it was a huge relief but still challenging - I had occasional relapses (my father did all he could to piss of the world saying and doing outrageous and hurtful things). I understood that I tried to get love and approval from my mother by berating my father as she did and had trained me to do. As a child I chose not to have any children (or get married) to avoid passing this kind of madness on to others. I was/am highly sensitive and an empath, feeling all the feelings and underlying stuff going on without knowing for sure if it was mine or others. It was a nightmare growing up in that scitzo climate. I took the role of peacekeeper and merrymaker to get all the heavy emotions I felt become more bearable. Now it can be very hard for me with humor/being funny, because it feels false even though it is a natural part of me. Everything was of course perfect seen from the outside, for instance at parties with my parents friends. Then they would act charming and nice towards us so I came to love these parties - and alcohol. My friends envied me my cool parents. Haha. Little did they know. I ended up with no personal boundaries or self esteem and attracted all kinds of maniacs and sexual abuse including cancer. Now I'm disabled with CPTSD, and no family of my own. It is just two days ago that I realized the diagnosis of my sick family. It is crazy no therapist saw this because I have been in therapy for decades fighting for sanity, for having a life, for my health. This channel and similar channels are truly valuable for survivors of narcissistic parents. I know we are many that have been in therapy for a long time but this dynamic has for some mysterious reason escaped the therapists. Now there is a rekindled hope of becoming the free, loving, sane, funny, intelligent person that I know is in there somewhere behind the brain fog and pain.
Great videos narcissism survivor! Thank you for sharing your experiences and insight! In my family of origin I remember since my early childhood a lot of abuse emotional, psychological, physical since I was a toddler even before my siblings were born. For instance, my parents like to watch horror or pornographic movies and at the age of about 3 years old, I remember pleading with relatives to switch channels. The relatives ignored what I was saying and me in general. I was too afraid to go to another room, and be alone especially after seing on tv scenes from horror movies. So I stayed in the room where relatives watched adult content movies. When my middle sister golden child was born, I noticed before she can speak aggressive tendencies ie she'd bite another kid in her kintergarten in an eye because she didn't want to share a doll. When I was about 6 years old and my sister was about 2 years old, I remember my biological mother all of a sudden be mean, disrespectful twrds me while holding my sister on her arms. When I was confused, hurt and upset after her behaving in such a manner twrds me, she smiled in satisfaction getting narcissistic sadistic supply by emotionally and psychologically abusing me. I noticed my sister had the same facial expression as my biological mother did, she was happy to see me confused, hurt and upset, she had the same sadistic smile. It looked to me as if my biological mother was mobing me with a toodler at the time, the golden child. This sister used to kick me in my stomack until she was about 14 years old, all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, and when I confronted her, relatives said you're older, you should not confront your little sister. You supposed to be wiser. I didin't get any protection from the relatives, and was not given any chance to stand up for myself. One day, no one was home, only this sister and me. The sister hit me, and I fought back. She was about forteen, and I was about eighteen. She's much taller than I am, and she went to gymananstics for several years. I said don't hit me anymore, or something like that and held her down, I'm physically stronger as it came to be apparent. Since then, this sister never hit me again till this day, and it's been about 10 years. I see this sister respond when someone is stronger, or has higher status, then she acts nice. I have no doubt she's narcissistic, sadistic, golden child, and the behavioral aggression, manipulation was evident since she was about 2 years old. My youngest sister was somewhat abusive emotionally, psychologically, physically but much less then the middle sister until she was about 12. This sister became drastically more abusive, degrating twrds me especially when I had major life events ie taking an lmsw exam. She was about 20. She would stalk me, critisise, behave abusively twrds me especially at the time I need love and support the most. I see both sisters stalk me, follow within same setting to then say something negative to me. When I leave ie a room before they say anything to me, soon after they leave the room. When the youngest sister was about 2 years old, my middle sister 6, and me 10, I came to pick them up from the kindergarten to bring them home. I remember us sitting at a playground, probably they asked to stay for awhile. Both sisters sat infront of me, and all of the sudden they became mean, disrespectful, degrating twrds me. Both were smiling by knowing their behaviors were hurtful twrds me emotionally. It was the same sadistic smile my biological mother displays from time to time since my early childhood. I see both sisters to be golden children to my narcissistic parents. Both sisters were exited and happy to mob, humiliate, abuse me for many years. It didn't take much influence from my biological mother, or any other narcissistic relative for them to jump into the role of an abuser, and then be nice when they need something from me. What I learned in the family of origin is that it's possible that a toddler is able to respond to influences in an environment from a narcissistic caregiver to become abusive twrds others, mob, degrate, scapegoat knowingly their behavior is hurtful, and derive sadistic pleasure from seing and thinking that they caused the person pain. I basically was a parent figure to both my sisters, spent a lot of time with them because the parents were busy. I took them to schools, gymnastics, dance, music, etc classes, doctor's appointment since I was about 10 years old until 18 or 19. I was parentified. What I learned from all the experiences in my family of origin is that golden children were readily, and very happy to be "golden children", be abusive, manipulative twrds others especially twrds people who are loving, and supportive. I hope and wish for scapegoats, golden children, and other siblings to self actualize, thrive, be loving and supportive twrds self and others despite of toxic, negative experiences in family of origin.
