When Claudia said Jessica says they've grown distant if they don't touch for four hours I thought about Gomez and Morticia. "How long has it been since we last danced?" "Oh, Gomez! Hours!"
This channel centers me when things get out of whack. They present just such a nice environment to learn, and grow as a person. And their dogs are extremely cute!!
Would you believe that it took until well into my 30s to realize that one of my primary love languages is touch? Society conflates "touch" and "sexual touch" so much that I thought sexual touch was the ONLY kind of touch that counted. And since I don't really like sex (I realized in my mid-30s that I was asexual), I figured that "physical touch" was pretty low on my love languages. A lot of self-discovery and a divorce later, and I was like, "Holy carp! Physical touch is actually one of my most important love languages!" I both show and receive affection with cuddles, hugs, back rubs, holding hands, etc. I am a *super-huggy* person and get very out of sorts when I haven't had physical affection. The takeaway? Society sucks at encouraging platonic touch that doesn't lead to sex. Do better, society!
God, YES. Asexual myself but I hug friends, hold hands, love the idea of snuggling. Yet I fear to do it less it give someone the wrong idea and seem to promise more! I suppose just as well touch isn't my *top* love language, but it's still important for mental health. Modern Western culture does VERY bad at handling non-sexual touch and it's most frustrating and aggravating.
The most loved i ever felt was when this girl i was trying to date cleaned by apartment, took care of my cats and cooked me dinner after a 12 hr shift cuz she was bored since i let her just stay the day at my place. She didnt even loved me but when i think about when ive ever been the most loved in my life it was that day. Dont miss the girl but i miss that feeling and day.
Thats so cute actually ! We do it in my family and even with some friends and its so comforting somehow ? Like you had such a long/harsh day and then you comeback and eveything is nice lol !
Everyone should know their love languages. Around the beginning of the pandemic I didn't know why I'm feeling so awful some days and not on others, until I remembered my first love language is touch, the second is quality time. I knew I'm loved but I didn't feel loved. Since I'm having a video call with someone almost every day, I'm feeling much better, in spite of everything.
@@bridgetthewench have you tried the tests? maybe you are pretty close on all or most of them? or can't connect positive human interactions with any of the 5 consciously?
@@vazul666 I'm aromantic, so the very concept is hard to understand. From what I saw of the questions in the video, I'd end up getting annoyed and closing the tab because my answer would be "neither".
To Claudia: Using your finger knuckle would be better for deep tissue massage if your thumbs are tired. Save your thumbs for dental work! There is also tools to aid in massage to protect your hands (like Gua Sha Massage stone) To Jessica: I relate to needing to fill the silence. 😂
My partner does a lot of physically demanding labor daily for work, so I have to rub them and my hands just aren't built for deep tissue massage long term, they hurt and cramp up so quickly. So, I will make use of my knuckles, either midway on the finger or knuckle ridge. It really does help spare my poor little digits. I've also invested in devices to aid in this, one is just a triangle massage tool which is quite nice and does what my knuckles might, thus sparing my fingers further. The other is a percussion based massage wand, it is far more intensive than a mere vibrating or pulse one, it really does wrench the tension right out of your hurting muscles. I highly recommend this for any and everyone, it is a much needed accessory for any couple who massages one another! Much love, and enjoy the rubbing. =)
My love language is acts of service as I'm disabled & it means so much to me when someone helps with a mundane task or cooks a meal for me because they want to help & not because I'm a burden to them.
My issue is that my brain whirls around so fast that I’ll have thought of something tangentially related (in a 600 degrees of separation type of way) while someone is still speaking to me about the first topic. But I’m also really awful for forgetting, and so I’ll both be afraid that I’ll forget the thought that I’m having, and I kind of forget that the other person is still speaking. Which is awful. I actually interrupt, as in, while someone else is still talking. Not just fill a silent space that didn’t need to be filled. It’s definitely an issue I should work on. I’ve taken to keeping a notebook on me to write down those thoughts I have, so I don’t forget them, and I’m less likely to interrupt. Slightly less likely, at least. Though it may seem weird to keep notes during a casual conversation. The joys of memory loss and cognition issues.
@@katherinemorelle7115 that sounds like a great idea actually, that way you could just write little 1 or 2 word reminders for when it's your turn to talk
@@katherinemorelle7115 oh my gosh, I hear ya! It's so embarrassing isn't it? I do exactly that, fortunately most people around me know I have ME/CFS and appreciate the fact that I'm not intrinsically rude, just need to get the thought out before it evaporates! 🤯
@@judebrown4103 But isn't this STILL rude because you are thinking that YOUR opinion/thought is MORE important than the other person's opinion/thought that it HAS to be written down BECAUSE it is SOoooo much MORE important than the other person's thoughts and opinions? Why not WAIT till the other person finishes their complete sentences, THEN take YOUR time getting your thoughts/opinion across to the other person - have a 'give and take' conversational style. NOT take, take, take - meaning don't "take" all the attention, "give" your FULL attention to the other person and the other person will IDEALLY do the same for you.
@@tillygirl7450 that would be lovely, and yes that is the generally accepted polite way of having a conversation which obviously I would prefer and I do take your point that by interrupting, even with an apology it seems rude to other people. Therefore I only do it with my closest friends who can understand. I might even just ask them to remind me I wanted to make a point about that piece. However the healthy person listens to a person's point of view, remembers all the salient points which may be many and varied. They are then composing their thoughts while listening to the speaker, remembering all the while their thoughts and the words of the speaker. The person with severe short term memory loss cannot do that. If a person makes numerous points during their parts of the conversation, which I will enjoy and listen to diligently; when they have finished I will have nothing to say other than to smile politely. Because I will have forgotten all but the last small part and will be smiling blankly trying to remember how that related to the beginning of the conversation. I've probably not put that very well but I hope it has helped you to understand in some small way. I am always interested in what people have to say and loved a good debate but it's not so easy with memory loss so this, I suppose, is my attempt to break the chat into bite size pieces if you see what I mean.
Just when I thought Jessica and Claudia couldn’t be any more perfect for one another, this video is posted! I love to watch you laugh together! #relationshipgoals
Never dated anyone, so this is based on platonic or familiar relationships; but from what I understand I really like quality time or words of affirmation. Especially in these trying times, I consider calls with my friends quality time and I thrive off them. It's very meaningful to me.
Gorgeous especially with the cardigan and ribbon in the hair. The colour palette of the outfit is just so pleasing. Jessica's sense of style is something that keeps in impressing me and just makes me happy
During Covid, I've really realised physical touch is an important love language for me. Not being able to hug my friends makes me feel weirdly distant from them!
I find that people's love language for giving and receiving say a lot. People want to receive what they didn't get from their family. People tend to naturally give whatever style matches what they did get. It's a super useful and interesting concept though, because it really can do amazing things for your relationship just to realize that there's a particular way of showing affection to your partner that helps and gets through to them most, and keeping aware of that in your interactions with them can make for a very happy couple :) . Personal experience!
Erm, one can also grow to want exactly what they have received as a child. I grew up with lots of hugs, and physical touch is definitely my primary language, cannot live without lots of hugs. Also the other languages come in the same order as in my childhood.
This channel is truly one of the loveliest places on the internet. Also Jessica looks so pretty in her migraine glasses. The cardigan and hair ribbon really complete the 40s librarian look
sometimes i get so sad thinking about how far away falling in love could be for me but then i watch one of your videos that have both of you and it warms my heart ❤💖
One way I like to show love is gifts. And that isnt "here I spend this amount of money on a shiny thing for you" But gifts that are based on trying to make their life a little easier or to show that I paid attention when they talked about one of their interests. So I would write down what my sisters favourite artist is this year, and I keep an eye out for when they release a new album or merch. Or I got my mother a nice morning robe, because I noticed that growing up she would always for weekend breakfasts put on trousers and a top, usually just whatever was the easiest to put on and find. And she is not a morning person. So I figured she would value something that required minimum effort in the morning, and to get to put on something cosy that still looked nice. So I wanted to make her mornings a little easier. She had never thought of getting a robe. And now she has gotten herself a whole collection of them. I personally don't really value getting most gifts. But I think gifts can be ways to show that you are seeing this person, thinking about what they need or trying to understand their feelings. Or just wanting to improve someones day to day in some small way.
I took the singles quiz. It's pretty much like this except it says when someone you love rather than your partner. I got quality time as my main one at 30%. Words of affirmation 27%, physical touch 23%, receiving gifts 17%, Acts of service 3%. I think I agree with that. I absolutely love to do things for other people, but I hate it when they do things for me. If it's something I can't do, I appreciate having someone willing to help. But I don't like the feeling of having to be helped. If it's something I can do, then I want to do it. I really like being in the same room with someone doing their thing while I do mine. I need to be told I'm appreciated. I always feel like such a burden. It's nice to know someone values me. I'm just about to emotionally explode from being in this pandemic where nobody will touch me. It's simply horrid.
I feel like being aware of love languages at all is a great tool for helping build relationships, because it means that if a love language is unavailable to you and/or the other person, you can lean on the others and learn to "read" them. For example, if you're in a financially-tight spot where gifts are difficult, you can instead spend time with your partner.
I suspect the order of those languages is not necessarily constant. If one gets long term issues that cause struggling, giving a helping hand may very well go up in the ranks, for instance.
My love language is definitely touch!! I love hugs, I still hug my daughter every night for bed and she is 17 years old. I love holding hands with my husband and I love when he rubs my feet or back or just scratching my back. However I also like words of affirmation and acts of service.
I try to let the love languages inform me every day and show different ways of caring for everyone around me 💜 Also, so cool that you uploaded this like 10min ago 😁
You both are just so lovely, and this video was super cute to boot! My love language constantly changes but the top three are words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time.
Ok the "say I love you" vs "gift" thing: I have family who were raised by extremely gas-lighty parents and so when someone says "I love you" it feels like they are guilting them into something. But if you do something for them or give them something it means a lot more to them. Also I feel like people always judge me for one of my love languages being gift giving but it's just how I was raised. My family (mom) would always just buy us random things to surprise us with and so I started doing it for people too and it really shows me that they love me. But people judge me because they think it means I'm "shallow" where I see it as "oh I saw this cool rock and thought of you so here's a gift" Also: acts of service is number one for me, followed by receiving gifts, then physical touch. Words of affirmation and quality time are both pretty low. But that's because I'm not good with compliments- makes me anxious- and I don't have to worry about quality time and I'm an introvert
Physical touch is one of my primary love languages, as well as quality time I think. I just took the quiz and married life living together I realize how much I appreciate when he does things around the house, especially unexpected or when he knows I'm tired, but some of the best things he has done have been supportive conversations, and when he listens to things I care about. When he's willing to spend time just doing things with me. But gifts are also important to me and getting unexpected surprises here and there would be nice. When we were first dating, he made jewelry pieces for me and it made me feel so special
2020 was supposed to be my first year of being out and seriously dating to find my partner, but ya-know 2020...in the U.S. And whenever I start feeling sad I watch y'all's videos and I feel better and hopeful. You guys are so sweet and have such a healthy relationship. Can't wait for your Christmas video! Happy Holidays 🎉
You two are just the best. You always make my days happier. This bisexual mom of two, stepmom of two more, disabled and mom of disabled kids and married to a disabled dad LOVES you guys! We just spent some time talking about our love languages. Don't feel bad, Jessica, of not being self aware. I had to tell Neil what his love languages were, too! ;) Now to track down this quizlet and make sure I was right!
I definitely know my main love language is physical touch .both in terms of giving and receiving . I feel the most loved when I'm hugged,cuddled, holding hands,rubbing my back, forehead kisses all these things mean a lot to me . I also express my love this way a lot . I personally love giving gifts as well but not the biggest fan of receiving them although they do make me feel special.but I'd rather have my partner come and hug me or cuddle with me than getting a gift. It honestly makes being single difficult sometimes cos I have so much affection and love to give but no one to give it to and I really crave someone holding my hand, brushing my hair ,hugging me and telling me how much they love me .I miss it a lot but oh well maybe someday I'll find someone😂😂
You two are so lovely together. I can see how Jessica might interrupt Claudia from time to time. Sometimes I get my feelings hurt when up I am interrupted, but I also do it to my wife sometimes inadvertently because she’s quiet like Claudia and needs time to think. Now I ask her to tell me when she’s thinking so I won’t interrupt her or think she didn’t hear me. Love the new haircut, Claudia. Jessica is so beautiful, but you’re just as gorgeous.
I retested myself and found that my love languages have changed! It used to be strong leaning toward words of affirmation, but now receiving gifts and acts of service are my top 2
I find this topic particularly exciting! As an asexual who communicates often with acts of service, etc. with a husband whose primarily love language is physical touch, our relationship has taken a lot of work and compromise. Have no fear if your languages don't seem to connect! Work at it, find new ways to love each other and ways to communicate that you're comfortable with but may not be your first choice❤
You both are adorable 🥰 My love languages are: quality time and physical touch are tied for the top, followed closely by acts of service and words of affirmation. And, like Jessica, gifts are very low priority.
So my love languages are receiving gifts and acts of service (and giving gifts). I like giving gifts just as much as I like receiving them. And words of affirmation are always lovely. So to feel loved, I like words of affirmation and receiving gifts, and to show love, I like doing acts of service (including giving gifts). And don’t forget, that love languages apply to everyone you love, not just a romantic partner. And it’s important to try to understand what the people you love have as their “feeling loved” love language, and try to do that, even if it’s not the primary way you prefer to show love.
The struggle when your partner has no distinct language preference, with a 27/23/20/17/13 distribution... And then there's me, with 40% dumped into one language and 0% in another And about the pauses being awkward vs thinking time: since I was very young, my parents used to say I should have a progress bar on my forehead to let people know I'm formulating a response and not ignoring their questions (still took me years to figure out I'm autistic - if only they'd had me diagnosed back then!) Nowadays, I try to say something along the lines of "still thinking, not ignoring you" if I notice it's taking me longer than a minute or two, but I really appreciate the people who ask when they're unsure (as opposed to assuming one way or another)
Also be mindful that your love languages and the way you express love can change over time just because people change and because what you need changes. If you're in a period of your life where you're extremely busy, acts of service might mean way more to you than it would if you weren't so busy. I used to think I hated physical touch but that was because the physical touch I'd had growing up had all been negative and I rarely experienced physical affection. It wasn't until I was in romantic relationships that I realised physical touch means a lot to me.
For Jessica and Claudia: Thanks for the fun and informative video on love languages.👌👍 I think not knowing what makes people feel loved and appreciated is one of the biggest reasons couples and friendships break up. I think it depends on the couple whether having a common interest is important. It's ok not to have common interests, but common interests are important to some people. And that's ok! There's nothing wrong with that. 😊 Common interests are more likely to be important to autistic people. And I'm autistic. You two seem like a couple who communicate really well with each other, with lots of respect and understanding. 👍 Hope anyone reading this will have a good day. 💜
Ive been in a funk and not watched much of this channel as a result. But right now I am feeling better so dove in. Happy to have. Now on to vlogmas content.
I guess I'm not the only one finally doing this test! Found out my love language is Quality Time and second to that, Touch. Weirdly, though, I do Acts of Service for everyone and so assumed that was my primary language. I wonder why it is that we don't automatically express our true love language...maybe it has to do with how we're brought up? Lovely video and Jessica: I adore your up-do and the glasses and the brooch and mint-colored top-- and well, everything!
My husband and I had to sort this stuff out earlier on so that each of our needs was met and nobody was going wanting, and we sort of revisit it every so often in case things have shifted, which they occasionally do. Relationships take work to maintain...
my love language is quality time which i find ironic because there are only 2 people i like to spend time with (i tend to be running away from most others,,, nothing bad, i just prefer being alone) and they are both miles away from me right now
I got 33 quality time, 23 words of affirmation, 17 acts and touch and 10 gifts! I do really like little gifts actually, but I'd always prefer just spending time together with my partner 💜
Great video. Got me laughing and I think this is great information to share for everyone. BUT, just wanted to put it out there that there is actually a 6th love language (and it's not a VPN) - it's independence/distance. Some people feel it's most meaningful when their partner allows them complete independence to pursue projects or have time alone. It doesn't seem like this would be a particularly hight one % here but that's absolutely me.
@@johndododoe1411 that's fair I was more making the point that we already have a term that solves the problem without having to make people give more information to the test, seeing as 'they' can just refer to people in general.
My hubby started basically acting like I was an aloof cat and it seems to have done the trick 😂 I like to be left alone, I will come to you on the rare occasion when I want attention, but I do enjoy food being provided. I adore showering my loved ones with gifts though I'm impartial about receiving them myself. It's so important to learn one another's love languages and put the effort in to balance them, even if you don't get it 100% perfect. It takes quite a lot of work for me to remember most people enjoy some sort of attention from their partner and to make sure I go give the hubby some love, and vice versa for my very affectionate hubby to remember I most enjoy being left alone and not smother me lmao.
I just did the singles version of this and I was like "I don't like either of these" a lot. I am uncomfortable to apathetic with all form of affection. I like to spend most of my time alone. I got quality time, btw, which is accurate but quality time for me is we spend half an hour in the same room silently then one of us leaves.
