Overcoming Women's Relational Aggression 

Paul; this is the BIG ONE. The speech I needed to hear my entire life. Second time in a row I'm listening. I'm here shaking because I'm breaking down. What you said is 1000% truth. Not just some..... but EVERY PHUCKING WORD. It feels like I just went 12 rounds in the ring because this hurts so much. Thank you. & thanks for the comments as well. I have learned so much in the past couple hours. This has probably saved my life. I was really thinking about ending it. ( girlfriend & her lazy adult children are living in my home and I can't take it. Y'all have showed me that; I not a failure. Just poor decisions ) Thank you for showing me, there is hope..

The happiest men I have ever met in my life through my travels were men that did not have wives or girlfriends.

As a middle-aged female -- i have dealt with rage almost my entire life, from watching my mother emasculate my father and two brothers. This virus gets passed down generation to generation - mother to daughter until someone stands up and says enough is enough and breaks the cycle and generational curse. Female Relational Aggression doesn't just hurt the spouse, but damages all the children - male and female. My younger brother has completely destroyed his life, abusing one woman after another, until he ended up in prison and i hold my mother primarily to blame and my father didn't stand up to her and stop her. i now have two grown sons of my own and i promise you this - after 4 generations of this type of abuse - it ends with me.

If men could only see that this behavior is due to women were raised to be self centered with selfishness. We no longer have to labor all day to survive as we did during the agrarian times.

My mother was the type who thought that she was in command of all male labor within a radius of 50 meters. You were expected to drop what you were doing (you could not have been doing anything important) and run to her aid. Oh, if you said that most horrid of all words-NO, then she would make the rest of your day miserable. Momma not happy then no one is happy! One by one all of her sons left her.

Not all women, certainly. But we recognize that those that say "not all women" do NOT say "not most women", and there's a reason for that.

My ex wife was the poster child for relational aggression. I think I might even have minor form of PTSD from my 30+ years with her. I don't know how I lived through that.

Went through a battle with cancer, this is so true. Marriage fell apart.

Like a buddy of mine likes to say, if a woman really, truly wants to be with you you don't have to spend any money on her to spend time with you. A parasitic relationship with a woman is very degrading on a man, but that's sadly the majority of modern day relationships. Seven signs you're in a parasitic relationship. 1)Your day is made up of taking care of her needs and wants. 2)You're constantly putting out fires she created. 3)your energy is constantly drained by her. 4)She always needs something from you. 5)She tries to enmesh you in her life. 6)She expects you to make her life better. 7)Taking care of her life becomes a condition that shows your love for her. If a woman ever says her children will want for nothing and have a better life growing up than she did, you're her means to that. If any of these are the case, don't walk away, RUN!

My ex used to deprive me of sleep because she couldn't stand to see me resting. I have a buddy and a co-worker whose wives give them "honey-do" lists whenever they have time off from work for the same reason. Whenever it came to hobbies, friendships and other interests I had before she came along, I made it perfectly clear I'm not getting rid of any of it for her sake, but that didn't stop her from trying to get me to put it all on the backburner for her. Literally every woman I've ever been with got jealous of anything that made me happy that didn't come directly from her.

My girl also kept telling me to get a better job Yet she's unemployed, isn't that a hoot??

I've been craving these monologues for so long. Thank you sir for bringing these back.

She took my son and told me I was unsafe. She had hit me and thrown dangerous objects. I calmly educated her for months while our son was being gestated and then born. The moment she took him I asserted the truth with a masculine force that repelled more than 15 of her social army. Never back down. You are a man.

I remember 20 + years ago old men, and there were multiple, saying that they did everything they could to make her happy and no matter they did, no matter how much they gave, it was never enough. They were broken by it. Not by the trying or even succeeding by any rational standard. They were broken because it was never appreciated. It was simply expected.

Women use shame to put men on the defensive. When this happens a man must pause and then question the validity of the charge being levied against him. Women do not expect this challenge and because of it will usually back down or change the subject. I did this recently when my girlfriend alleged that I do not respect women. I responded by diffentiating women into two groups, the type of woman I do respect and into the other group (feminists) that I definitely do not respect. I went on to describe each group in some detail. She was not expecting a detailed response like this and then backed down from her original allegation. But, as Paul pointed out, women use shame as a means to manipulate men. Don't fall for it guys; with a little practice you can learn to neutralize this tactic.

This is a wise man. RA almost killed me. I was completely unaware over the years, and she gaslit me ALL THE WAY. I knew that if I took one more step, I'd be crazy. I looked insanity in the face, and knew there was no coming back. In that moment, it finally occured to me, it wasn't me that was the problem. She had been fucking with my head for years... why hadn't I seen it earlier?! She hurt me worse than I thought a woman was capable of, and she loved it. Narcissistic personality disorder is like demonic possession.

I remember being chastised, nagged for wanting to go have a beer with a friend. I was promptly accused of being gay. If I dared to go visit my mother, I was harassed for some time & not permitted to get some sleep. I had to secretly spend time with friends and family. I eventually grew a spine. I now know what to avoid.

I’m here for the algorithm and to thank Paul for the content he provides.

RA is why my ex wife is my ex wife. I didn't know what it was, but I knew I wasn't going to live like that. And I knew I wasn't going to bring kids into that situation. Literally started the first day after we got married. Twenty years later, it gives me chills to think of what my life would be like today if I knuckled under and followed everyone's advice at the time. Also, for whatever reason, I knew to be in charge of the birth control. Again, I can't imagine the heartache and misery the past 20 years would have been with her poisoning one or more kids against me. If it's bad, break up. Period. If you are being given bad advice to stay in a bad relationship, ignore it. If you are in doubt about whether or not to end a relationship....there is no doubt. End it, with no contact, as early as possible.

I always think I’m alone in my experience with women until I hear Paul’s talks. It’s like he was watching my marriage that I finally got the courage to leave. This is affirmation that many of us need

This is 100% right. I'm not married. I refuse to be a total mug. I've witnessed this with my parents. My mother treated my father like a work hourse. He is 80 years old and my mother has jobs lined up for him all the time. She hates him sitting a round for a minute. She verbally abuses him a lot for almost nothing. Marriage is not for me.

Great talk Paul, millions of "henpecked" men around the world will never hear it, but we do, and I thank-you, too.

Paul's insights land like a sledgehammer. He just keeps getting better. I am not sure how that is even possible.

Man I needed to hear this today. A red pill a day keeps the overtly emotional and angry for no reason toddlers away.

Every man needs to listen to this I’m at a loss for words. Thank you…

2:20 Definition: Relationship Aggression is harm caused by damaging someone's relationship or social status. Women's aggression of choice 3:00 From of abuse considered "normal behaviour" 3:26 Subtle but permeates entire relationship, everyday life. Impact is destructive at any moment 3:40 Minor, men must tolerate 4:40 Women can't stand to see a man with nothing to do 5:09 Man = provisioning machine. Role: provide for the woman 6:10 When man stops being provisioning machine, sex stops 8:20 Society conditions men to serve. Feminist will not change this aspect 9:15 RA women exploit shame to get their way 9:40 RA's tool is masculine shaming. Psychological nagging degrades man's self-image 10:10 Manhood requires continuous societal proof & validation. Shame is abusive woman's backhand. Woman manipulates man to serve her selfish ends 10:40 Man's manhood = social standing. Nagging = RA, same as physical abuse 11:05 Wheel the RA woman to the curb 11:15 RA attacks register physical toll, as long as man willing to be the victim 11:25 Women will recruit friends, family & children to be audience & cheerleaders 11:35 Parental alienation & false accusations are acts of RA 12:40 Onerous financial demands 13:05 RA & suicide 13:15 Subtle tyranny of woman's abusive control. Depends on man not talking about it 13:45 Targets of RA are made less than whole. The man must be made weak in order to control him 14:55 A real man will tell RA to choose: accept or leave 15:35 RA is a dark sickness that destroys the lives of men 16:45 She wins by getting you to fight in the first place 17:05 If your wholeness is up for grabs, you have already lost 17:22 Walk away 18:15 Women are not aware of RA 18:55 Preserve your dignity 19:10 She doesn't know she's the cause

Rules: They are unhappy when we are happy alone They are unhappy when we are happy with another woman They are unhappy when we are happy with them. Basically you can't win, unless you give up your happy-ness'

Best played next to your partner, dignity check.

The best answer to RA is abandonment, pure and simple. No conversation (beyond a certain point), no explaining, no justifying or rationalizing. No going to therapy to get “fixed”. No divorce. Just leave, abruptly, and without warning, and throw the cell phone in the nearest dumpster on the way out.

A perfect description of 99 percent of modern women.

One of my hobbies is playing live music. I've been in multiple cover bands that were split up due to girlfriends and wives telling their men that they need to "grow up". It literally ANGERED them that their man had somewhere else to go on a Tuesday night. And to back up one of Paul's points, I will also quote a sister-in-law, "I like men who WORK!"

There is something About Paul's monologues. They simply stick!

"All wickedness is but little to the wickedness of a woman: let the portion of a sinner fall upon her. As the climbing up a sandy way is to the feet of the aged, so is a wife full of words to a quiet man. Stumble not at the beauty of a woman, and desire her not for pleasure. A woman, if she maintain her husband, is full of anger, impudence, and much reproach. A wicked woman abateth the courage, maketh an heavy countenance and a wounded heart: a woman that will not comfort her husband in distress maketh weak hands and feeble knees. Of the woman came the beginning of sin, and through her we all die. Give the water no passage; neither a wicked woman liberty to gad abroad." -Ecclesiasticus 25:22

My Mom and Dad kept each other happy and me and my siblings happy. There is no room for selfishness in a Godly relationship. Paul has a lot of good content. I enjoy listening. Any Man who allows himself to be controlled by a woman is not a Man and any woman who tries to control a Man is not a woman.

There are few women who will want to overcome their upbringing. Most of them will take of advantage of how society is build. Also most children today are raised by the mother. The father did his part at the conception and after that he is a work horse and nothing more.

You're making me into a certified bad ass. My parents would not be proud. Im the happiest I've ever been.

Your high level of intelligence and ability to articulate is extremely refreshing.

My wife pulled this on me also, even to the point of freaking out when I needed to sleep after back to back 18 hour days. I couldn't understand why this was happening? But after being red pilled I decided that I will do whatever is required, sleep or otherwise, and I let her know eyeball to eyeball that I will not put up with her BS anymore. If she didn't like it she can leave, and that activities in my house are totally under MY control and that she will have to submit to my agenda. We've had peace ever since!

Guys, always be yourselves and be proud of who you are.....a strong independent man. No matter what you do, whether it be right or wrong, you will be criticised for it in today's anti-male society. Women have unfortunately become entitled & demanding with unimaginable rights given to her by law. Laws have been passed by governments to make you subordinate by design....do not go there. Its better to live alone with dignity than be living with a tyrant whilst you wait for you property & children to be removed from you at her whim.

Listening to these makes my sweet single life just that little bit sweeter... Bravo, sir.

Paul saves lives, improves lives, and peels the scales of societal blurred false bliss. I started listening to older content to get his monologue. I’m a 52 year old divorce attorney. Paul, I’m sorry I haven’t financially supported you as much as I should have over the years given the pulpit pounding hell fire and brimstone you have delved out to a needful society. I’ll fix that. I’ve played your older recordings to my three teenage boys as issues and discussions have arisen. Hell, I’ve sent links to clients. Please keep up the good work, and I will join your other channels.

Broke off an engagement two months before the big day, because my intended wanted me (though she wouldn't admit it; I asked point blank what her expectations were and she refused to answer) to cut off friends I have known and cherished for many years. I said no, and I walked away. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it's also the best decision I've ever made. Simple, but not easy. I wished her well. I walked away. I endured the grief, with the outpouring of love and support from the same people I'd been pressured to cast aside. I carried on. Then I found this community. And I learned. Knowing what I know now, I dodged a nuclear strike. Never again. The boundaries will be made abundantly clear and vigilantly enforced without contemplation, hesitation or exception. I expect that means I'm going to be walking away often in the future. So be it.

Light it up, Paul. Light it up.

My ex exhausted me by making so much trouble out of everyday life, that I ended up really depressed, this from someone who was super sosial and studying to become a dr with an incredible mentality and life. Luckily I got out and only wasted 1,5 years, but this type of abuse is subtle and the fights get so messy because she would be so prepared and simply gas light and lie so much, that it was impossible for me to even know or understand what was going on.

WoW... Many thanks for your direct, clear, and unflinching monologues. I grinned as I noticed a part of me wanted to disagree and was quieted by a deep sense that what you were saying was helping me understand what I had so often experienced and usually let go unchallenged. Now I recognize better choices to make. I have been exploring women's propensity to blame men. Thanks to you monologue It is clear to me that blame is a primary tool in women's RA.

@Paul Elam You detail exactly what my ex-wife did to me.

"These types of woman and they are legion" Indeed they are brother.

Thanks for bringing this back. I stopped listening when you went to the hour+ platforms. I just dont have time for those.

I can’t describe how it feels to scroll down my feed and stumble upon a new video by you Paul. It’s good to have you back.

knew someone like this--a rentor in the duplex unit where i rent (from houston, ironically.) she's starting yard projects up spontaneously then all of a sudden i have 'tasks'--we are talking a stranger here, i told her good luck but our property mgrs have always taken care of that. nxt thing (of course) rumours spread to neighbours that i'm 'lazy,' must be an 'ineffectual' person. (neighbours who are good friends of mine.) this is all harmless stuff but i think would be an example of 'relational aggression'--sadly, something tells me this type of aggression often gets worse than this . . .

Good to have you back, I used to listen to all of your talks. Hoping for many more from you. I left my patreon settings the same so you'd be rewarded for your return.

No one is truly happy living a lie and what we teach both men and women as a society is the biggest lie of all.

So glad you're back.

I thank you and Tom Golden for your work on this and many other topics. I was a surregate husband in my childhood, married early with the idea of raising my children well, was tormented by a BPD wife, RA'd to death and started seeing the disparity when I realized I prefered risking my life in combat rather than being at home. I rewatch your material often as a reminder that I will never allow myself to be in any relationship where I don't hold center stage with myself. Needless to say I'm alone and happy due to recognizing EVERY WOMAN who has attempted to slide into my space personally and/or my house for a litany of reasons demonstrated almost immediately they had agendas and my resistance was met with RA instantly. Each ended abruptly and usually with many verbal assaults when I said calmly, "No thanks I'm not interested." Formula one drivers have never shifted as quickly as the attitudes of these women which proves conclusively their intentions and lack of stability. Walk on brothers.

A friend in college told me that there's two positions a woman hates to see a man in... Sitting and lying down. He was wise before his time and beyond his years.

Never heard this term before, but man did it feel familiar.

I'm a little late to the party but thank you so much for this talk. Every single man needs to hear this. Mistreatment from women (shaming, trying to squelch hobbies and friendships, not allowing relaxation time, etc) that are seen as normal behavior by society is actually pure abuse. And, no, we men neither have to nor should put up with it. Every young man entering dating age needs to be taught this.

It's great to hear you riffing solo again!

+1 on loving these monologues. I re listen to your movie analyses all the time. While movies like "American Beauty" and "Fight Club" will never be made again, if you haven't seen "Blue Valentine" I'd love to hear your take on that. The guy charms her, wins her over, marries her, takes on the responsibility of somebody elses child, and then self destructs in the end trying to live the happy wife/happy life narrative. Its a cautionary tale for sure that men who cave in to their wife's wishes turn into a man who she then despises and is repulsed by. Great work as always Paul...keep em coming.

Paul Elam, kickin' ass and takin' names, back in the saddle. My fellow Texan.

You are the godfather of the red pill way of life. You are beloved by many. You have likely saved countless lives. Thank you so much for the work you do. And thank you for my daily dose of red pill.

I have sorely missed your monologs. Very glad to see this. Your talks have been life changing for me. I've listened to all of them multiple times.

Loving the monologs. Please keep them coming good sir.

This is a big fat "Roger that" from Melbourne, Australia. Thank you Paul.

Wow! Spot on, Paul. This talk hit very close to home. I've been divorced 25 years. Looking back to the second ten years of a twenty year marriage, my ex used every relational agressive tactic in the book. I feel lucky to have survived it.....

A big thing to avoid is letting a bad situation eat at your soul. Stay objective, be honest in your feelings and express them. If no change in behavior results, save yourself.

Honestly Paul I can listen to you describe how a fly eats shit for 20 minutes. You have an interesting perspective with a clever way of articulating issues. Please keep it coming, and thank you

You’re a great communicator sir. I’m 22 and I appreciate your eloquence.

The truth has a habit of making you freeze in place. This world is full of so many lies, so much deceit, so much pacification and numbness, that when the truth hits you it's like the scene in LOTR: Two Towers when Gandalf the White enters the Battle of Helm's Deep. You can't help but be entranced, enthralled by it. Paul, you have the truth emanating from you on this topic, and the world needs your monologues now probably more than EVER. Don't stop.

So much truth delivered with a smackdown suck my cigar tone. A thing of beauty.

Thank you for speaking on this. No one I knew spoke on how to deal with this stuff when I was growing up. I saw the damage, lived the damage and now help others to avoid the damage when I can. This vid helps men heal too. All too often, the make relationships like Kamikaze missions for men. Divine wind inspired flights into feminine damnation that no one will speak out against. They always dodge it. A vid like this gets men out of the "Volunteer mindset" and pull the trigger on dumping any woman at any time that acts like this - and not feel a drop of shame doing so.

Welcome back my friend. "Chasing the Dragon" was a life changing video for me.

you are the man ! I prefer this type of videos rather with other people

Listening to this reminds me of how truly thankful I am she left. I "will" say it. "All" females are like this! Some just haven't gotten there yet... I won't be fooled again.

Thank you Paul, love your monologues. You have changed my life. I was pussy whipped before finding your channel. Additionally, this platform works much better that the loooong hour plus talks. Thank you again.

Tried to sub on subscribe star but payment continually didn’t go trough , I’ll try patreon , thank you Paul for coming back with one of the most: important, sain, elegant, intellectual, well spoken voices in the manosphire. I learn from each monologue something new.

Paul, you’re a Hall of Famer when talking about mans rights and right mind should be. Thanks. Very useful. Strengths many of us…

Welcome back!

Not all women, of course - but it describes my experience and probably that of every other man who has commented here. The attack on my interests and friends was just as Paul describes. The nature of my work was that sometimes I worked long hours for days on end, and other times I worked few hours for days on end. I was subjected to abuse in both cases - the former for being away too much; the latter for being around too much. I wanted companionship. She wanted a neutered slave.

Your ~ monologues ~ are more powerful & to the point. (group discussions become watered down & weak) .

That said rather than but... I appreciate your articulation.. just finished listening that was beautiful thank you for that it brings peace to my mind someone understands and can say it so open handedly

One of your best monologues yet. Thanks Paul.

I am a 50 years old man and my life has bloomed to the fullest since I wrote out all other women except my daughter and my grandmother. What took me so long?

Hurray!! Guitar riff is back!! I feel like lone and just Gunman in the wild west. Fits the message perfectly.

Very engaging powerful speech. I am always drawn in by the intensity and message of Paul Elam. And best of all is the awareness gained, in this case of relational aggression and how soul suffocating it is and how unacceptable it is. I watched my father live with this every minute of my life when I lived at home.

Holy shit, Paul Elam is back? It's like the opposite of the 'just when we needed him most, he vanished,' meme. Just when the world is _actually_ turning to shit, Paul is back. Your "Chasing the Dragon" talk completely opened my eyes to everything.

I just love this guy more than words. He is literally a life savior ! Bravo Paul !

Thank You! Keep the wisdom coming... You cut through the bs and expose the truth like noone else!!!

Thanks again for all your help Paul. After narrowly avoiding prison and then having a lengthy divorce from my French BPD wife and having the agony of knowing that I had to leave the house and our two very young children to simply survive, the truth of the situation with thier dear mom begins to emerge. Now, I have my 16 year old son, telling me he needs my help to get away from years of this type of soul crushing female aggression, my son, daughter and I are very close but the insidious hatred of mom was reserved for her son. Now don't get me rong, he's a very sweet chap, he's ready to help with chores, is quiet and respectful, but she literally spat on him, hit him, insulted and demeaned him, and of course if ever he would of retaliated, it's him in prison! He had the courage to tell his dad everything, and if it wern't for my boy not wanting me to, I would have gone to the police, but I'm so proud of him for standing up and saying, nope, I'm not part of that any more, so next academic year we go to dad's home of the UK to finish his studies and get away from bitches. I know not all women are bitches of course, but....

"you (men) are productive and provision machines" -- Ester Vilar spelled this out in the 1970s in The Manipulated Man. Few listened and just went on with their fairy tale of romantic courtly love. Who is truly to blame - is it the women or the men for conceding everything. You are not completely to blame based on the way society is set up. That falls on the betas of the past 3 or 4 generations who gave the store away. Another must-read is The Predatory Female -- Rev Shannon. A classic authored in the 1980s by an airline pilot.

So happy to have you back, in this format!

Thank you Paul. I wish every man in his 20s gets the privilege of hearing what you say. As someone who has been bombarded with RA on a regular basis. All i can say is "I wish I knew this earlier"

You bring up very important points, one being that bad character in Women has been too long accepted in society. And yes, many of them have even been socialized to be the way they are. This will change, I believe, due to the continued spread of The Red Pill. Powerful commentary Mr. Elam.

I don't know how I've just come across this channel, but you have a much more interesting perspective than the typical redpill/mgtow type youtubers I've come across.

You are so on point! I live in peace, Alone with my kids! I love my life!

Statement at 16:56 about "individuality and wholeness" is gold ! Thank you Paul.

Glad I found this channel 5 years ago. Ive been mostly red pilled my entire 48 years. So I never married or had kids. But Pauls talks prepared me for my 3 year relationship thats now, as of yesterday, ending. I saw some red flags I may have otherwise missed thanks to some of his videos. So I prepared and covered my ass for this day. Now Im not even that mad and am looking forward to the future

Had to send a coworker your ya sad days ahead for him. I know this is a year old but your work lives on and still relavent.

Relaxation is the most important part of a work out. That's when the muscle actually builds. You can't just keep breaking yourself down all the time..

I did not leave a comment the in the last video. I definitely should have. We encourage you with our words, you say? You turned my life around by teaching me and giving me words to name things I knew existed but I could only call "injustice". Keep up the excellent job