My brother went to UCSD and was unfairly punished for his roommate’s partying when he was minding his own business in his room. He got socially punished by the school with penalties, and it affected his academic progress and ruined my brother’s life. It made such a negative impact to his mental well-being. He eventually died too later down the road. I believe these families at how bad UCSD admin ruins student’s lives.
I go to school there and I can tell you that that punishment is not a big deal at all. This has happened to multiple people I know and they are doing great now.
Did you not go to college? Bc this is a wild take on such a situation.
2 месяца назад
This kid would be alive if he was black. They would have taken his complaints more seriously and the coach would never bully a black kid for fear of retribution and being labeled a bigot.
IMO, there is a lot of blame to go around. However, ultimately... the parents said that they noticed their son's demeanor change significantly after he came home in the beginning of the COVID crisis. And had a family discussion if their son should go back to on-site school when everyone is returning and made the decision he could return. Did the parents get him counseling/therapy for his mental health, and if he was hospitalized for it why were they ok for him to go back to on-site school when there seems to have been issue the coach? Why send him back where an alleged misconduct/crime had occurred?
he should have told the police and parents when it started so they can file a police report directly to the student SAing him, once the student was charge the college board would have expelled the student. a coach can't override the law.
They highlighted that he went to therapy in this story, likely from his parents encouragement. No one really imagines their child going through such intense pain that they end their own lives. Parents probably did the best they could with what the information they knew at the time.
Exactly. Many parents are a child’s first bully. Many parents do not raise strong and resilient free thinkers because they want obedience in their homes. So they birth these kids and rear them to become victims before then releasing them into the world- unequipped & unprepared. Then they blame everyone else for what happens to them. Blame yourselves. ❤
@@aftertheheadlines you're one of the predators aren't you? Sandusky and Paterno at Penn State. Jim Jordan at Ohio State. That doctor that was attacked in prison for assaulting those gymnast girls. I'm 100% sure you're a Trump voter. It'll come for you.
Dude it's a huge uni with many people, of course it'll be highlighted... Also he's an adult. Too many soft AF little kids. Grow up. Life ain't a nice pretty thing where you'll be coddled all the time. These soft kids should stay in a third world country for a month
If he needed inpatient mental health treatment maybe returning to the campus where he was experiencing trauma was not the best idea. So much was left out, did he return to rowing and the same coach? Did his mental health professional recommend returning to school?
@@UncleDavesKitchen “mental health” professional no longer get “situational” anxiety or depression even when it do to “trauma” or a beloved family members expiration. To the “mental health professionals” all of it is medicate the “victims” or the “grieving”! Many situations can be made better by family’s directly & homestly communicating. The mostly fake behavioral health do not have the qualifications nor integrity to do a history & physical. Most sit with a woody smile then prescribe drugs that amount bit a chemical lobotomy. Being bullied is a common occurrence in public settings & many leaders participate, usually finically profiling!
@@Usernotfound31231 if coaches, teammates and administrators why put him back in that abusive situation without correcting the problems first? Try thinking.
many campuses don't even report rapes to the actual police... they obviously don't care a lot about mental health of a student who was 'picked' on (probably how they chose to see it) because they were deflecting & trying to deny that the coach had done anything wrong. The school does have some blame.
he should have told the police and parents when it started so they can file a police report directly to the student SAing him, once the student was charge the college board would have expelled the student. a coach can't override the law.
@@LalithoTheRedBorderCollie yeah, I'm sure if that happened to you, the first thing you'd be thinking about is to report and put it out blast. Maybe make tiktok dances about the UCSD rowing team blowing your back out while they held you down or drugged you. Some of these students are related to the teachers and administrators. They think they're untouchable
That attorney for the coach with his "had no contact with Brian Lily during the 9 months before his suicide" is reaching into the realm of absolute absurdity. Of course he didn't, or with any other member of the rowing team either. I got my BA from UCSD in the 80s. I remember the school keeping things quiet from that time too - such as the serial r*pist who was stalking (and attacking) women on the running trail and in parking lots. The University is very invested in protecting its campuses' reputations (and donations) even at the risk of its students.
he should have told the police and parents when it started so they can file a police report directly to the student SAing him, once the student was charge the college board would have expelled the student. a coach can't override the law.
yes. sometimes it’s really that simple.i was very suicidal age 14-19 it made the world seem dark and viscous, once i got away from the emotional abuser i no longer wanted to die and i started seeing my future in a positive light.
I think it's caused by a variety of factors. There's no doubt social media plays a huge role. As an older person, I've lived life when there was ZERO social media, as well as with social media. And I can tell you that social media just AMPLIFIES both the good things in life as well as the bad. There are great aspects to social media as well as some really bad things about it. But, overall, the biggest problem with social media is how unregulated it is. People in America often say that "I don't want the government telling me what to do! I don't want to be regulated!" Well social media is the perfect example of something that isn't very regulated, and many people just cannot handle the unregulated nature and freedom that social media provides. There's so much anxiety, depression, virtue signaling, and sadness in the world today. It breaks my heart. I see kids today, from as young as 2-years of age, with their faces glued to a screen. In one generation we went from no social media, to constant social media. Humans have not been able to adapt and to figure out such a rapid change to how we live.
Exactly! Most people in the comment section are just sociopathic trolls with nothing better to do than blame the victim(s) in order to feel better about their own miserable lives.
he should have told the police and parents when it started so they can file a police report directly to the student SAing him, once the student was charge the college board would have expelled the student. a coach can't override the law.
@@user-dr2ym5jr7li think this has to do more about covid than the school since they did specifically say they noticed his demeanor had changed once he was taking classes from home Then in 2021 they brought him back on campus then a day later he offed himself Honestly the school can’t keep track of what every student does and they don’t get involved in the students life’s struggles, it sounds like he was a hot mess to begin with and he didn’t know how to handle being scolded from the coach then 2020 doomed him And now it’s 2024 and they’re just now getting to the case (they probably need a payday)
6 counseling appointments per year is what was offered to my student at UCSC after which they cut them off. The student is then required to secure mental health counseling elsewhere on their own dime. I imagine it’s a UC policy that’s horribly inept.
@@damiettes7140 Many companies offer EAP... Employee Assistance Program. It is a free service for many issues that come up at the workplace that affect home and life and vice versa. Generally there is only five or six free sessions before they recommend finding a licensed therapist if they feel additional assistance is needed. They have the sources and resources to make recommendations on proper therapists, like family therapists, marriage therapy, crisis counseling, etc. After that it's up to you to follow up and speak with the therapist that is best suited to your issues. I imagine the program is similar on college campuses; it's not that it isn't available, it just can't be free indefinitely.
Not inept. Ineptitude would imply that they didn’t know any better. They absolutely did, and had all the power to stop it, but just didn’t, and in fact, will take measures to prevent others from trying to stop it in order to cover their own asses from having to take some degree of responsibility. The UC system is corrupt as fuck on so many levels, completely back-asswards with their priorities and practices (see Janet Napolitano and the $175 million dollar slush fund scandal. Also, when students were protesting tuition hikes at a regents meeting, she said “we don’t need to listen to this crap.” The UC system has beautiful schools with promising students and revolutionary resources that are all completely at the expense of selfish, conniving, morally-bankrupt bureaucrats like her
Parents do not know if their child is “ready for the world”. Even the person himself or herself won’t know that. And what does being “ready” means. What parents need to do is support their child and be there for them. Having open communication and mutual respect is important.
People don’t realize college students are still young naive and learning about the evils of life…sadly the older people and teachers we are supposed to look to help learn from, can be the least trustworthy betray and demean you. Unforgivable
@@ELvis348 college was the most stressful period of my life. i lost a patch of hair for 6-12 months that didn’t grow back at all from stress. and when im really stressed, i have repetitive dreams for a while and it’s always at my college town (which shows how traumatizing it was for me even in my dreams)
@@normanosborn1277very toxic. Many of my professors wanted us to fail. It was a mark of success that they went from 300 beginning of third year to 30 by end of fourth year. They didn’t really teach. I had one German professor who simply wrote on the board the entire class and never said a word. That’s not instruction.
My daughter attempted suicide during her freshman year at UCSD. I believe the schools health department failed her. She did graduate but moved off campus.
The reason why is because many of these soft coddled kids are being independent for the first time in their lives and they can't handle it. I've seen it happen countless times where Mommy and Daddy gave them everything. Sorry but they are weak adults. If they only lived in a third world country for one month watch how they come back appreciative.
It’s ridiculous that HIPAA precludes parents of college kids from knowing what’s going on. On all paperwork, parents and students should be given the option to notify parents if there’s a problem. It should be easy to do, not the way it is now.
Couldn't he just stopped going to the row team? Why was he forced to go to an abusive environment? If there were allegations then bring it up; retaliation then bring it up. Where was his team on this?
@@billtruttschel Hey, Thanks, if it is wrong, it often gets auto correct leaving me confused trusting AI, grammatically correct usage is not one of my strong points. It can confuse the point. THXS again, know I will properly will make more mistake.
The school will probably just make them sweat it out (take as much time as possible to get the case going, keep stalling until the parents exhaust all their funds that way should they win they won’t get much since the attorneys/lawyers will get their amount) Or they’ll just settle out of court (the school will just pay them to get them out of their hair)
Why did the parents raise such soft coddled children and not adults? Face it these kids are weak. Going to college was their first independent stunts and they failed.
@djm2189 wow. I Pray you give people Grace and Mercy because you have missed the mark many times and God still Died for you, Still Loves you, and still Pursues you. Someone can be raised independent and still commit suicide it isn't that their weak. The brain is a powerful organ.
@@JesusISKingNoMatterWhat I and a bunch of people ALREADY give people plenty of mercy. They need a firm awakening. And please, I love the Lord, but too many hypocrites. I went to a friend's church bonfire, giving introductions. Found out one of the guys, 3 years younger than me, I'm 29 was homeless. NO ONE BOTHERED. I brought his home, washed his clothes and I had him stay with me a week. Where are all these god loving people?! Yeah. Hypocrites. God gave us brains to use. Better parenting and teaching the kids little pleasures would help tremendously.
I made a survey back in college. I asked 500 people if they had a choice of mom and dad. Would they choose their biological parents . 495 people said never in a day.
he should have told the police and parents when it started so they can file a police report directly to the student SAing him, once the student was charge the college board would have expelled the student. a coach can't override the law.
Sounds like the coach ignore obvious problems and the administration just shooed him away. Kind of like the principle at the school were the female teacher SA’d a 13 year old. He ignored reports also. When will administrations learn to intervene and prevent these horrible acts?
Why don’t parents ever blame THEMSELVES?? For anything? If you choose to create a life, and raise that child….YOU are responsible for what happens to them. If you would rather have obedient children, instead of strong/resilient ones, that is entirely your fault.
I went to UCSD. The services there are the lowest quality. The employees in general are even lower quality. I think they even investigated the school for gigantic HR violations. One professor took a pair of scissors and threatened to cut a researcher’s hair if she didn’t publish.
It's not even the parents' fault. The student was a grown man. I don't understand the blame game. Nobody can take care of your mental health except you.
@@microbios8586if you coddle your kid and your friends with your kid they never grow up. Going to college was the first independent stunts and they failed. They are weak adults that can't survive the brutality that is the world. The funny part is they live in a nice first world country imagine if they were in a third world...
I went to UCLA and I could definitely say that some of the professors and coaches are absolutely awful and arrogant. They do have the power and authority of getting students fired or in deep depression. There should be a fair system to protect every single innocent student.
Ok you got him or her good! No, but seriously no one should actually be operating under this assumption, that’s how we got qanon. I mean just think about what you said for longer than a second. “Everyone on trial is actually already guilty”
I just didn't understand why the police weren't called. Didn't go to the schools, didn't complain to staff, if a crime is being committed, you go straight to the police, no?
I feel bad for the parents and his family but… the kid clearly had mental Issues. You can’t just sue a college. The parents spent years with their son…the school just spent months. Also, the coach was suing him for defamation. That coach wouldn’t have done that for nothing. This isn’t adding up but to blame the school is ridiculous.
I believe the injustice occurred…the coach should be sued and liable…these horrible pathetic bullies get away with their gaslighting disgusting crimes while hippocrites watch & stand by ignoring what’s happening when there should be zero tolerance. That coach should be ashamed to even show his face and thrown out….
Parents these days are just looking to blame others but themselves for their failure at parenting. The school is responsible for thousands of students, not just your son. He may attend the school to get a head start in life, but you as the parents are responsible for his behavior, health and state of mind.
21 years old are so weak. I would just quit the team and it would be over. You don’t have to keep staying there and get long term abused. Sport is just an optional thing. Killing yourself is the dumbest thing you can do to the people who are still alive and make them mourn for your dumb decision.
The school should be blamed for their misconduct, but they can't be blamed for what Brian did, Brian chose to take his own life, the school didn't make him.
I'm not buying this argument. Nobody was forcing him to stay on the team. He could have left anytime he wanted. Many, if not most, of the people I know, have had to deal with abusive authority figures at some point in their life. In most cases they just walked away from the situation. In other cases they just developed a certain inner toughness to deal with it or got counseling. As a society we should be more concerned with children who can't escape abuse, or do not have the maturity and/or toughness to deal with it. These are the people who really need our help.
How would you feel if you were basically violated (remember this happened first), in a space that had given you a lot of camaraderie and joy, and when you tried to do something about it, you were ignored, mocked, and isolated. Even if you were to walk away in that situation, and don't harm yourself, that's a huge amount of emotional baggage to process and unpack. The school should absolutely be liable for not taking the concerns of sexual misconduct seriously, and even worse retaliating for reporting, that's disgusting.
he should have told the police and parents when it started so they can file a police report directly to the student SAing him, once the student was charge the college board would have expelled the student. a coach can't override the law.
UCSD was more of a party school when I went there back in 1999 when there were more white and non asian students. Now, with the the influx of dorky no fun millionaire Chinese and Indian students the parties have stopped.
I went to another UC and suffered major depression/intermittent panic episodes for the first three years - the only thing I got was an email asking me to fill out a survey lol - it resolved by itself by the time I graduated but no one really cares about you on a big campus
Why do we as parents think that external parties play a larger role in our offspring life. especially once they are adults. please spend the time preparing them for a world with people that don't even love themselves. This sounds like he was set up to fail because his expectations of reality weren't aligned with reality. This is why the hood and a hard life tends to make tougher people. If you baby them they will crumble when it's time to react as an adult.
I don’t get it, aren’t the parents responsible for the mental health of the child they raised, and who was living with them for the 9 months before he committed suicide? Not that I think anyone should be blamed besides the man who committed suicide, but if anyone else is to blame, isn’t it the parents? Why are they so quick to blame others for the behaviors of their son, when they knew him best of all?
I attended a panel of UCSDs newly created mental health services, and they seemed very much about diversity and inclusion etc, but when I asked about any integration of faith-based counseling, the director completely ignored my question. I learned there is none. The counseling services I've witnessed is very rudimentary, much of it "clinical" aimed to prescribe antidepressants.
I don't wanna push around someone like Brian, but why couldn't ha have just transferred schools and not let this get to him like that? I think it's known there are people who run these places to just don't care. What reason, who knows and what good does it do you to end your life over that? Those other people are the losers.
This is sad. Does the rise in suicide coincide with this generation’s parenting style? It seems kids that leave for the adult world these days are really anxious and unaware of how to face the real world. I wonder if there is more we can do to equip these parents and young folks a like.
Their son had mental health issues and they sent him back to the place where he was having difficulty? Sounds like the parents share some of the blame.
It’s his parents fault for making him that unprepared for adult life….. I was raised to understand sometimes bullshit happens and people abuse their position to make you miserable in your passionate careers but that’s life it’s not fair and life is not run by morality and meritocracy,I don’t think he was prepped for the harsh realities of life and when that small stress came along and wasn’t able to gain perspective on the situation to move past it and be crushed by it that was the end it’s very sad and unfortunate to loose a young soul but this should b a warning to not over coddle kids and lie to them about life being comfortable and ideal, it’s crazy and you need to find happiness within in the midst of trauma and grief sometimes that’s normal you keep going
I wonder if he struggled with his sexuality growing up? Think there is more to his problems than just his rowing coach. Why would his parents send him back to that situation anyway? I just think there was more going on in this kid’s head even before his new rowing coach took over
A bunch of staff at these universities just work there and do nothing once they get in. Most of those jobs are protected by unions. Also, performance evaluations don't mean anything because they can't get fired unless they commit something fraudulent. They can literally do nothing and still won't be fired because the system simply won't allow it. This is a result of poor human resource practices at these public universities.
Oh no, optional rowing sports drama was too much to handle for an adult? Give me a break. Now the parents need someone to blame because their adult child couldn’t handle rowing a boat with others.
I remember growing up taking our own responsibility but today it's always someone else fault. This kid should still be here with his family like millions of others.
People on here saying it parents fault????? Parents can only try to disciple and tell their kids No you shouldnt do this.. He was an adult. You can tell your kids all day long and this student probably didnt share everything because he was ashamed and didnt know how to handle it. These schools in san diego need to do more they just take money. I went to SDSU and many people would commit suicide. The pressure and the schools promote do whatever makes u happy as long as you pay us. Prayers for the parents and the stupid people who comment that its their fault. Young adults Rebel. I gave my mom HELL in san diego and it wasnt her fault i was messed up. But God saved me from Suicide and depression, parents cant stop you when u are depressed only help.
Seems like the Parents are just always looking for someone to blame…. It was probably their son when he was alive. They seem like they know how to be responsible and display accountability and listening skills 🙃
@@alphaomega5909 I don't see your logic. Trump is known to file frivolous lawsuits. So how does me calling out a family for filing a frivolous lawsuit make me a Trump supporter? I'm a fiscal conversative, but liberal when it comes to social policies.
