Ikr! There is SO much that could go wrong since both the newborn and the cousin are very fragile.. and the mother doesn't even seem to trust the fiance or at least isn't close enough to him to be able to judge whether or not he could take proper care of the child. It seems like the cousin and her fiance can't give proper care through, she didn't even realise the baby still needed breastfeeding like ??
For the one regarding the acceptance/rejection to the uni, I honestly would say NTA. All of that took place over MONTHS, and the parents dont seem to want to step in and do anything. She has been dealing with his temper tantrum at being told no for way too long, parents just keep saying to deal with it in Hope's it'll stop... yeah, maybe it is just making it worse, but she can't just be expected to keep taking the hits, especially when it can potentially make it harder for her to study.
Story 1: it also seems EXTREMELY sus when he gets the one offer that DIRECTLY competes with the wife. What do you want to bet that the husband loses the offer when the rival company learns they are getting a divorce?
@@codeblackfanandthegooddoct7070 I thought the same thing, companies normally don't pay for their employees to file for divorce unless they have a real concern about the situation
@@tylershort9626This right here. If a company is financially incentivized to support your spouse's divorce if you take a job, you probably shouldn't take that job.
Thats possible. If she is very specialised, the field might be small enough that the competitor company has heard of her and plans to pressure the husband into corporate espionage.
That's what I was thinking!! If it's true then they'll probably fire him immediately. Anyhow they chose their career over their spouse, though I can understand OP. It is a high paying job and we're still in a middle of a goddamn pandemic so she can't really afford to lose it.
Per a comment she made on her post, they are letting the kids handle it. That is a really solid parenting approach by them. /s "My parents don’t want to get involved, and think we need to settle it between ourselves. If need be, they’ll separate us to our rooms and talk to us (mom to Jake, dad to me)."
I am not polyamorous but i ws about to say that's not polyamorous, polyamorous is not a bad thing is just some peopel feel comfortable in that way and we must deconstruct most of monogmy rules anyway, but yea, this has nothing to do with polyamorous
As a polyamorous person, it made me very happy that you recognized that the problem with those parents wasn't them being poly, but was rather how they neglected OP.
Yeesh idk about that. I agree they were neglectful parents yes but also the danger and anxious a child must feel when having strangers appears in the house constantly is very concerning to me. One thankfully that didn’t ever happen to OP BUT let’s not forget that majority of murders and abuse cases of all kids happen from step parents and parents partners so I’m genuinely not down for that. Besides the fact that parents need, clearly not in this care, stability to feel safe and loved. Honestly polyamorous relationships don’t really give that. If your an adult sure be stupid and have fun. Regret your decision later but when it comes to kids I’m sorry but I’m cut throat. All kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve kids.
@@mushios I agree that they shouldn't have been constantly bringing a new stranger around every day practically, but don't act like polyamory is an automatic "it's dangerous and dumb!" Having more than one partner doesn't mean you're putting any children in your care automatically in danger. It's the fact they're constantly bringing around random people they met at bars and shit. What they did was dangerous. But it's not because of polyamory. It would've been dangerous even if they were divorced and single, bringing a new person around all the time around their vulnerable kid.
Well not every guy is interested in being a vegetable at home and not having goals and dreams . Having a job goes beyond just making money, it gives people a sense of purpose and enjoyment. Plus she then controls all the money just like she controls his life choices
@@TKUA11 uhh she would literally be at risk of losing her job and not being able to work in the field, there are probably so many other jobs this guy could find entertaining, but no, he just wants to fuck up her future :|
An apology that starts with "I'm sorry that you..." is NOT an apology. The person "apologizing" is basically saying that they did nothing wrong and you're the one with the issue and that you're trying to pin it on them. So yea. OP in the last story is completely justified in being upset.
They sound pretty narcissistic as far as parents go... Things like my mother putting her friends first caused a huge rift in our relationship, even without her sleeping with them... OP haves every right to be mad at them for this!
There's a difference between polyamory and being a pervert, perversion in this case is when their desires for romance/sex eclipses all other needs and responsibilities
I'm thankful you pointed out it wasn't necessarily the polyamory that was the issue, it was the neglect, the lack of familial bonding. I feel bad for the op, and I wish the parents had been able to put being parents as a priority :(
In the last story, the parents actually put their kid in a potentially very dangerous situation. All those random people coming in and out, even being alone in their home while the parents are gone? That could've gone very, very wrong for the kid.
"We're sorry you feel that way." That's not an apology. That's victim blaming; shifting the source of the conflict from the other person onto OP. If they were truly remorseful, they'd have said "I'm sorry if we made you feel that way" or "I'm sorry if we hurt or upset you".
I dont necessarily agree, not everyone is a poet and not everyone is comfortable in expressing emotions by text. I know several older people who if they would send that to me I would have to interpret as: I'm sorry I made you feel this way, can we talk about how that happened so I can explain it wasn't meant that way and avoid it in the future? But considering the actions of op's parents in the past, that's probably not the case here though
The same argument applies to the first story. I'm sorry you feel you need to work at your dream job but... You've got to ruin your life and I'll divorce you if you don't stop feeling that way immediately. And he somehow thinks she's in the right.
@@RunicSigils No, it doesn't apply. She IS in the right. How would it ruin his life? He had other options, she, one the other hand, does not. Him taking that job would have ruined HER life, and she's just supposed to support that? WTF?
Children are not toys. Around 9 months most babies experience a lot of separation anxiety. I feel for the cousin but that request is super selfish and completely disregards the childs mental health and feelings of safety. Its is traumatic to remove children from their parents.
Honestly, I dislike when people use cancer as an excuse for having children. Who’s supposed to take care of the child when the parent dies? Also, it’d be so hard on the kid.
Also, they are not asking for just a couple of hours or a day - i would not let my baby be away from me for "a couple of weeks" unless there was some kind of medical emergency
yes. i was separated from my family and in multiple foster homes until 1. the first couple years of your life are some of the most important. you can't f with that. they should look for people wanting a nanny/babysitter instead if they can't foster.
"I don't think the problem is that your parents are polyamorous; I think the problem is that your parents abandoned you for other interests." 100% agreed, and I'm so relieved you said it because polyamory already gets a lot of flack. The key to a polyamorous lifestyle is *communication.* That includes EVERYONE in your family. It's weird that they were being secretive about it in the beginning, like they didn't want their child to know about it. My parents' partners were always a fixture in my life and I was told if someone knew was coming over, and it wasn't every single day or at my expense. This is polyamory done completely wrong. Don't abandon your child in the name of your partner, whether you have one or multiple. End of story.
Story 1: I've heard this story on another channel. And when that channel covered it they read comments, feedback from other Redditors. One of those commenters speculated that OP was the only reason her husband was even offered a job by a competing company, and questioned whether the offer would be rescinded because of the divorce negating any potential advantages of hiring him.
IMPORTANT NOTE FOR R SLASH Hi R Slash! You probably don’t remember me but I commented about a year ago about how you were helping me through depression, an abusive father and POCD, I just wanted to tell you I’m better now. I’m away from my dad and no longer depressed. Thanks a lot my man
Rslash is on vacation right now, these videos are pre-recorded so he can take a break, but I'm glad you are no longer depressed and that you no longer have to live with your father
As someone who has been raised by a single mother who neglected me emotionally I can say that it isn’t the polyamory that’s the problem (though I don’t have any experience with that in my family) if your parents really wanted to they would have made time for you. As for the parents spending time with their other lovers during their birthday party I’ve had my mother do the same with her friends. Also the language that your parents used after you told then how you feel “we’re sorry you feel that way” is sending a message that it’s not them that messed up but you who are in the wrong.
Is this really a polyamorous couple or just a couple with a open relationship? The polyamorous people I know they are stuck with 2 or 3 partners, but the way OP explain it's like her parents have a new partner every week.
To me it came off like the married couple was still in the dating phase with their other partners. That'd explain why there was so many. I don't think it's an open relationship because of the whole documentary thing.
Yeah I was thinking the same, did not sound poly, sounds like a open relationship, you can have both but it sounds like they did not or someone would have always been a normal extra. And having a kid is 100% somthing you would tell a person your dating, its a really big thing.
The child of the poly parents didn't get screwed up because they were poly, they got screwed up because their parents were absent. Edit: rSlash literally says that.
If that cousin wanted to know what its like being a mother, then how about act as an aunt instead of a mother. Spend time with the kid, take them days out, but nothing more then a fun aunt
Exactly, I can't imagine anyone being ok with someone else acting as "mother" and being "allowed" to drop off milk. Are they crazy? And sure, being an aunt is the best! Plus you get to break the rules and spoil them way more! 😉
Babysitting with full treatment would give the cousin a good feel for whether she is capable of taking care of a small child. Only for a day, though. Given my experience with a late stage cancer patient, I know that she had no energy to take care of herself much less anyone else.
As a kid from a poly, I can def agree that the problem wasn't the polyamoury, but the fact that the parents were fucking awful. With my mum, her babies always came first, and the extra relationships were second to our family. In ANY relationship where children are involved, the children have to be priority. That's just common sense.
As the child of a polymer family I can say first hand that op is far from the only one with that experience, my parents decided to put me on medication when I was a kid so that I would stop yelling at them to stop, sometimes there'd even be strangers picking me up from school. Edit: When I say I was yelling at them to stop I mean that they and their "friends" would regularly get explicit without caring if I was in the room or not.
I disagree with the college one the brother nearly did the same thing with the "AITA for hacking my friends laptop and rejecting their dream university" op said that the brother tried to reject the university
I disagree with the college one, as well. In my opinion, the girl who got into the same college as her brother dreamed about going to but he got rejected is not the asshole at all. She tolerated her brother belittling her and yelling at her all bc of a college. She had every right to throw it right back in his face. For r/slash to say she escalated things is beyond bull crap. She didn’t escalate things, her brother did. If I were her, I’d get fed up with being treated like absolute shit by my brother, too. He should’ve just been a good brother and been supportive of her regardless of whether he got in or not
Parents: We want you to tell everyone it didn’t mess you up. Op: But it did mess me up. Parents: *surprised Pikachu face* The parents in that last story made me so mad.
Since they never talked to there kid they probably thought they were good parents because OP had never said anything about it before
3 года назад
I like how the parents in the last story tried to make polyamorous relationships look positive even though they’re part of the reason as to why it’s looked down upon. Edit: I worded this awfully, my mistake. Not that great at English.
In the first story, Why does *his* career take priority I understand like having a dream job would be amazing, but you could be literally making so much more money by not taking that job
@@Avenging_Archer Well the way I understand it is she makes more money, and she could have trouble finding other work or does not want to try to find other work so he should just suck it up and settle for a different job or be content to be a stay at home partner.
Why do either of their jobs need to take priority? She spends a large amount of the post making assumptions of what *might* happen, even giving hypotheticals like her husband bugging her car or looking through her computer to "advance his career". That's messed up to think your husband would do that. Does she not know him well enough for these fears to be unfounded?
@@geltric4779 I’m pretty sure the post isn’t saying he will do it, it’s hypotheticals. While she believes her husband wouldn’t, her job has to fear for the worst, and from the perspective of her employers those things could 100% happen. And a job with high security as she describes would assume those risks and work to prevent them.
@@thetableoflegend9814 It's one thing for a group of suits to expect the worst, its entirely different when it's the person who's married to you. There's a lot of issues baked underneath this story and honestly, divorce is the only outcome especially with the wife fully ready to do so at the drop of a hat with her company backing her on it.
I had friends that would use their very young kids' bday parties as an excuse to forget their kids and get piss drunk. You expect cake, soda, and balloons when you show up. Nope, adults on the verge of passing out or blacking out and kids in the street unattended.
Tim Oliver ::nods:: It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship or religion, there are those who will care about others and those who care about themselves. We just need to focus on teaching as much as we can about empathy. IDIC
I think maybe it could've been done better if they chose like 1 or 2 partners and not a ton like OP suggests happened (sounds more like orgy time than poly) and introduced them like you might introduce someone who would later become a step parent. Then OP couldve got comfortable around them and seen them as another parent rather than as OP referred to them "strangers" that were just in his house randomly.
holy crap. 200k a year OP is 100% in the right. I would do the same thing she's doing. Her husband is a huge idiot. Let her have her career that's funding your lives together and do something else. Hell, it sounds like he could start his own company or something with all that experience he has. But he seems too stupid to do that if he's valuing a 65k job more than his wife's 200k (with potential to grow) career. Man, what a fool. Throwing away a great woman with a great career. ugh.
From the way the post is worded, she never told him company X was a problem, she knew he was applying to company X, and when company X hired him, THEN she "put her foot down" like that. Should have told him from the start, he's an idiot, she didn't say anything and let it happen.
@@Waskomsause dude no. She did tell him. She set clear boundaries and told him exactly what would happen. He went behind her back and betrayed her trust and love. All for a job that’s worth much less that hers.
@@Waskomsause guess you didn't listen to the story at all. Since r/slash CLEARLY said more than once she made EVERYTHING clear to OP about his dream job affectcting her dream job before he even applied
1 story: I've heard this one before, people in the reddit comments stated that it was likely the the husband was only hired so that he could be a spy on OP's company. He may not have that job once they learn he's not married to her anymore. Which I'll see as karma Justice.
The lack of self-awareness of the husband in the first story, mad that his spouse is 'being selfish' by prioritising her career over his, because he thinks it should be his career that is prioritised over hers.
Or, hes upset because she said he applied to MANY companys, and his dream job was at X company, so... she never told him that company X was a problem before, and why? Sounds like she wanted to not be the ass in the situation, so she hoped he wouldn't get his dream job.
There's this little thing called compromise that you usually need in a marriage. They clearly don't have it. He has been searching for jobs for a while. Instead if telling him to stay away from company x she waite until they already got in contact with each other. Now she puts her foot down with this very extreme ultimatum. Maybe if they compromised instead if doing what they did. She could've talked to her company more about the situation. It seems more like her not trusting her husband more than her company not trusting him.
That “poly” family is BS! That is not the way to be ethically PolyAm, you don’t just push your kid aside like that. People like that give polyamory a bad name.
I’m not on board with polyamorous parenting myself. But I think that the only way it can succeed is if the children don’t know who carried them or who was donated the sperm. A sort of “village raising children” situation. All are fathers, all are mothers. But seeing as there’s eventually a favorite, that is an impossibility even without kids in the equation.
Maybe they applied for different courses. Here in my country have different admission test for different courses. Some are more competitive and more participation than others.
He lost all sympathy I could have had for him losing out on his dream when he tried to decline his sisters offer on the computer. I honestly think he deserves what he gets. But ofc. the sister have to live with him so she might want to think about not making it worse. However it didn't seem to matter what she did, he was still acting like a brat. Terrible situation to be in not being allowed to celebrate your own hard work and achievements :(
Maybe he was so sure that he'd get into this University that he didn't put 100% effort into it. I understand that they're not only looking at grades and such, but also extracurricular activities. But I'm no expert, maybe they rejected him because he's an asshole.
I used to go to therapy in high school. And I've learned to despise when ppl say "make/made you feel" it's been drilled in my head so many times now that ppl cant MAKE/FORCE you to feel a certain way. I always had to use the word felt instead. And I kinda agree with the statement, I mean no one can make you feel something, you do that on your own but it doesn't make the way you feel any less valid. Wish my therapist had actually told me that last part tho instead of just "ppl cant make you feel"
For the 'borrowing baby' one. The child is not a doll. You can't just 'borrow' the kid 'for a few weeks'. "Oh yeah can I borrow your husband? I just need him for a while because I'm still single and I want to experience it" doesn't sound good does it? I have nothing against or am I saying that people with terminal ilnesses are entitled but the whole thing about borrowing the child is IMO ridiculous. OP doesn't feel comfortable with leaving the their 1 year old with the extended family so that should have been the end of the question. "You're Sooooo selfish" "how could you do this to herrrrr" if the parents say no then no is the answer. Its their child, not yours. Leave them be and find another solution.
Honestly, using a terminal illness as an excuse/justification for having a kid is gross to me. It’s not thinking about the child’s future at all. What happens to the kid when the parent dies? What kind of effects will that have on the rest of the kid’s life?
Nothing wrong with polyamory. But like he said, you should always make your kid your priority. At the very least there should've been at least one or two consistent partners for kid to bond with. But those parents wouldn't even talk about their kid with their partners?
If it was babysitting to experiencing taking care of an infant, that would be one thing. But, it’s borrowing a baby to role play to the point where others would be invested in a fantasy. That’s creepy beyond all reason.
You can't borrow a baby like you would a sweater. People aren't property and the cousin and their family don't seem to understand that. Write them off on the matter. Have a great day!
See that's the thing though. A lot of people, particularly Christians, *DO* see their children as property, since the Bible explicitly says that they are.
That view was Old Testament, though, which was written for the chosen people of God, the Jews. The New Testament was written for Jews and Gentiles alike, with no mention of children being property.
The last story, about the polyamory parents. I wish he DID the interview, did it without his parents around and just unload it all on the documentary. But I guess that wouldn't have been aired since they (possibly) only looked after positive feedback.
I think the polamary situation would have worked alot better if they actually introduced their kid to their partners and allowed them to get to know them so they were not complete strangers as well as not ignoring their kid at his birthday party.
@@vivusthevivusthing6182 Yeah thats what I was thinking too, does not really sound like poly, sounds more like they where swingers, after all if they where dating another person or another couple it would not always just be strangers around, it would be the same one or two people and they would hang out and spend normal time together not just there to mess around.
1 Be careful he is trying too hamstring you. Because he'll know you will have to rely on him for a income because you would be cut out of that career forever.
Especially because the parents didn’t always tell them they had a child. So many terrible things could’ve happened. It’s honestly surprising nothing ever did
OMG YES I'm glad someone brought it up! Especially when it's a stranger AND you're parents are no where to be seen. I wouldn't feel safe in my own home and having to compete for their attention with other adults? That's messed up, not that's something wrong with poliamoris relationship(I probably wrote that wrong) but the way they neglected their child it's so.............. Why the fuck do you even have a child if your willing to take care of'em? And not mentioning something so important to your other partners, like you're having lunch with your (let's say..... 5 months long?) partners and then out of the blue a kid walk in in the room that just came back from school and they be like : "OH yeah, we forgot to tell you, we have a six years old! Come say hi sweetie" That's just weird
This happened to my partner with his very monogamous parents. He had swim practice and they moved while he was at practice, but didn't tell him that was the day they were moving everything. After being brought hone by some family friends because his parents didn't pick him up, as was there mo, he walked into his house to find strangers there. It turns out neglectful parents come in all shapes and sizes.
Asking for someone's baby is just Weird. Weird. Weird. The cousin had to expect they would say no. Its such an odd request, how can they even be mad she said no?
It’s even worse... this woman is dying of cancer. I know it’s callous to say this, but can she really expect to properly care for another human while her own body is shutting down? Who will look after the child during chemo, when she gets too weak to walk? Death by cancer isn’t pretty or easy for a child to deal with, look at the start of Guardians of the Galaxy!
Story 1- I’m going with NTA.. no matter what happened in the future OP would always be under suspicion. She’d be accused of committing corporate espionage.
Sounds like something the asshole would do tbh - if my husband made 1 million dollars a year, I’d happily look for other job - not one that would cost us his.
But isn't that what OP is doing for her Husband because I'm putting myself in the husband shoes and how it would feel like when I'm so tells me to either give up my job offer or they would divorce me. I get why OP did and its justified but I also feel bad for the husband
last story: "i'm sorry you feel that way" an empty apology that shifts the blame to OP, they ruined his childhood and refuse to take any responsibility for it, they are terrible parents.
@@EternalLostsEternalHell No. It's basically another way of saying "you're overeacting." He might as well say, "I'm sorry that you're such a snowflake."
@@aliceveil622 Oh makes sense somewhat. I cut off all contact with him so I dont have to deal with that anymore, and he kinda made me sleep in the same room with someone who tried to kill me, so i guess its nice i dont have to deal with that anymore...
@@aliceveil622 My stepsister who was 21 at the time tried to kill me when was 10, but because I never said I was uncomfortable around her after that, I still had to go on trips with her and sleep in the same room as her.
Story one: Why does he need the one job that would destroy her career? Divorce is extreme but so is going behind your partners back and getting an offer for the one job that would destroy their career. A career that they already earn 200k with possibility of 600k or 1 million. Meanwhile, he has opportunity to get other jobs, OP does not. He can work his dream job still, just not at the company that would cost her job. He could still have his dream job, just not the one that would cost hers. Just remember if her love is measured by her unwillingness to give up her career pass that same judgement to the husband. Claim he is overreacting for going behind his partners back and accepting an offer for the one job that'll risk her career. Claim he doesn't love her because he'd put his career over hers. Story 2: Can't really blame her. It's okay to be disappointed but it isn't okay to bully another person. It is a bit of an asshole move to glue the letters to his drawer but I can understand to. Sometimes you have to be a bit of an asshole to get the point across or to not tolerate a bully anymore. Story 3: Yeah, they become assholes when they can't take a no and lie to make themselves look better. I feel for the cousin and it sucks. Babies aren't dolls though. You can't just take a baby and "play" house. Babies are at that tender age where they wouldn't understand. They'd just feel a lot of fear and not feel safe if mom and dad suddenly changed. Then they would adjust and around that time, would new mom die? how traumatic would that be? Does the baby go back to actual mom and dad? What if the cousin, hopefully, lives for years to come, would they keep the baby? Would a few weeks turn into a few months to a few years? Especially if the "compromise" is mom can drop by everyday to give milk. Like, I have permission to feed my child, gee thanks. Would they get bored with being parents and begin to neglect the baby? I can't blame OP for saying no, I'd say no if it was my sister. (Though I might bring by baby everyday and hang out ith her or let her babysit, but keep for a few weeks as 'mom' no, maybe as auntie but I'd be mom. Story 4: Some kids with polygamous families are perfectly happy. I don't feel like that was the case here because it sounds more like they wanted to be swingers. To me, a poly relationship is beyond sex, aka their partners wouldn't be surprised they had a kid. The kid would know the partners instead of some random person. They would be part of the family more, like being there with the kid on his 10th birthday instead of with each other, because they'd be in a relationship and have time for family and time for each other when the kid isn't having his birthday party. Nah, it sounds like they were swingers and nothing wrong with that by itself. It becomes an issue when it interferes with not being there for your kid, they still want their parents attention at their birthday party. I suspect many important things were missed because they were together instead of with their kid.
@Bass Player The offer was for his dream job... if she saw him as a PARTNER, she would understand and accept his choice. Yet she doesn't, at ALL. The ultimatum got me on that one.. turn down the job OR ELSE. He's probably better off without her. It's NOT all about money. He's clearly not happy being that stay-at-home husband. If she really is worried about him "stealing" secrets from her, then they have much bigger problems anyway. .
The last story made me rethink my transgender situation. Basically, around January in 2020 I came out to my parents as transgender. They acted calm about it at first, so I thought they supported me. After 2 weeks of them not saying anything, I asked my mom when I can go to the doctor and start getting pills and transitioning. At once my mom got all mad and said how I was born a girl and that means I should stay a girl. And that she wants biological grandkids from me. I said that she still has my brother who can give them biological grandkids. My mom said that she doesn't care about that because she wants them from me specifically. I told her that life can be unfair for adults too. Now she and dad are trying to somehow make me change my mind and all. It really hurts because, aren't parents supposed to support their kids? I feel like my parents read too many stories about people regretting changing gender. The thing is that either way, I don't want biological kids because I don't like the idea or sound of me being pregnant. And, it's just not my thing really. If o want kids later on, then me and my bf can just adopt or something like that. So, I'm not sure what to do anymore. And yes, my bf is transgender FTM too
parents: i give all my atention to random strangers all my life and never put my son as a first son :have resentment ....... parents: surprice pikachu face
About the people wanting to 'borrow' a child: For people who are so obsessed with children they don't seem to care about the wellbeing of the child they wanted to borrow. That child would be traumatized by being taken away from their parents, then traumatized again when being returned to the parents
Screw a job that only pays 1/5 of the other partner's job, demanding that they MUST have it. Are you kidding? Then he will cry about how life just downgraded and money isn't as easy to come by! Hell no, that first one, the wife is NTA.
as a polyamorous person, thank you so much rslash. while i listened to the story i just kept thinking "this gives all polyamorous people a bad rep, they just neglected their child" and then you came in and said that
I'm still confused on what she expected like: Cousin:"Can I take your baby for a couple of weeks." Wife:"Why should I give you my baby and potentially cause a traumatic event in the process?" Cousin:" BeACauSe I got CANCER!" Wife:"understandable, here and have nice day."
I hope no one let's people "borrow their baby" it sounds like: A. Scam plan B. Stealing the baby and claiming it theirs C. Lying to someone they want to impress As for people who do share their baby: A. You're a dumbass B. You're a moron C. You're a idiot D. You're a dumbass
A woman with late stage cancer, a depressed immune system, and perpetually exhausted and potentially chronic pain wants to take care of a potentially active disease vector complete with toddler meltdowns. Chemo brain is a thing.
Not-so-much-fun fact: this is basically how self defense laws work in many countries.. if you hurt a robber, they'll just press charges and win. Be grateful if you live in the US.
Money isn't the only thing people want in the world. Why should he just be happy that she makes a lot? That's clearly not what he wants to do with his life. Just sit back or go to school again.
@@ItsRemmyy She literally said that money itself wasn't the issue. Sure, the job didn't pay enough to support them if he got it, but he also was completely willing to nuke her entire career (meaning she would never be able to work in that field again) and essentially make all the time and effort put into it moot. All the money, studying and time would be wasted and for what? For a job that wouldn't support them and would eventually force them to leave the city they could no longer afford and lose that job. There's also the risk that the company wants to hire him because they know where his wife works and that he'd lose the job the second she lost her's or after they got divorced.
@@addictofanimation2923 Well that's the case that's where compromise and communication comes in place. Why not come with a plan to see if they only want him because of his wife? Or talk to her boss about the husband and find an alternative? Maybe they can find a spot for him to work with them? Like I said neither side is fully right or wrong. And it really seems like her boss don't care have as much as she does.
At first the wife asking for her husband "Choosing her job over his ""Dream Job"", I was against her. Now I am 100^% for her and 100% against him. He is completely irresponsible. Another instant "Did her miss something about her husband being selfish" or do people really change completely?
Sometimes rslash sounds like my old teachers when suspending me for defending myself at school. "He attacked me, i was defending myself from a bully" "Yeah well... you fought so you're also wrong" So we should just sit and take it from bullies and not fight back? Bevause he seems to consistently give butthole points to people who stand up for themselves l. #rslashprobullying ?
xBluegamerx I disagree entirely, the brother is clearly being a fucking child and extremely selfish, the sister gave him every opportunity and was patient for months without responding, she finally got sick of his pettiness and gave him a taste of his own medicine. 100% he's the asshole in my opinion she gets 0/5
@@thereisapricetoeverything4377 i do agree the brother is 100% the a-hole here, but while the sister is justified, i still think the superglued rejection letters is a bit too much and gives her a point into being a-hole. The issue is still predominantly on the brother though
David Guzer na i dude everyone is a buthole , imagine loosing your dream , that thing can seriously mess you up the parents should set him up for therapy , and the girl shoudn’t wear that thing if it hurts her brother so much , but if they had a bad relationship thats anotherthing
Dark Maniac remember, OP said they had a good relationship beforehand, and, she didn’t wear it for months but he still treated her like shit, and that’s when she wore her sweatshirt. He deserved to feel that pain if he’s going to keep being awful to his sister. But either way, the parents need to set him up for therapy DEFINITELY
Be to 100% honest, that story about polyamory is why most people do not like our community. That type of behavior is not cool, not even to us. If you make the choice to have a child with a partner and are in a polyamory relationship, it is still the two people who had the child's responsibility to raise them and put them first. Leaving them alone with people who are not their biological parents is going to mess them up. Also, not telling your child you are polyamorus is going to mess them up because you started their life implying that you and the other parent were the only two, and that everyone else in your relationship were just "side people". You should have had your other partners around from the start and enforced the belief that you all were a family, not a family unit with a bunch of friends that you sometimes make out with. All around I feel very bad that OP from that story came out with a negative view on polyamory that needed therapy, but if that is where that view came from, even I would hate my own community if I experienced that. Its vile, and to me they used polyamory as a veil for their non-committal relationship, which is very different.
Yeah, the parents sounded like swingers, and I don't know if that counts as polyamory or if just means they were in one big open relationship, but without that stability and commitment between parental figures and with the child, there is no way a kid is going to grow up well.
It really bothered me with how the parents handled their relationships with both their child and their partners. Who doesn't tell their partners about their kids, it's irresponsible and really does give the community a bad light.
i agree with miss informer. i always thought the most important thing in polyamory is communication and it seems these parents excluded their own kid from this (but i guess single parents who bring a new partner into the kids life without saying anything is also bad)
@@raeowlsworth2435 agreed. Polyamory, aside from the obvious difference of having more than one significant other, functions in a similar way to monogamy, and has very similar requirements. Communication is extremely important in either regard, and with these parents, it just so happens that they severely lacked communication with their child and their partners in regards to how that dynamic worked and didn't have the relationships established enough for everyone to agree. This also happens with monogamous relationships with things like single parents having their new romantic interest take on the role of the other parent without really explaining it to their child or allowing that bond to develop. This can also be the case with adopted children like myself. I was adopted and expected to just forget about my biological family and act as though my new family was the only one I ever had. In that instance it was intentional and malicious, but This can also happen inadvertently if a parent want to quickly develop a relationship with a child that is very confused about the situation they are in (especially with kids who had a traumatic event that led to them being in an adoption center). This is just a very unfortunate situation all around for the OP because their parents most likely love them very much, and love their partners very much as well. They probably didn't intentional do some of the stuff they did, and because there never was communication, the resentment grew for them. Hopefully they do talk and get all the emotions out there, and the parents have the chance to explain themselves and even recognise that they may need to make some changes if they want their child in their life.
The issue with the last one isn’t that the parents are polyamorous, it’s that they were neglectful. I’ve seen poly couples successfully raise a child before. One of my friends has a child and is in a polycule. I feel like it’s should be treated similar to a single parent dating. Don’t bring someone new around your kid until you’ve been dating for a while and trust them. I can totally see how it can be harmful for a child to constantly have new people in and out of their lives like that, it’s unstable.
Yeah, especially at that age when developing attachment is still very much a thing and very important, just giving the baby to other people for some weeks or months could absolutely cause a trauma. The cousin should have asked if she can babysit for an entire day every now and then, that would have been more reasonable.
@@0Onyx13 Especially when the person who wants the baby is dying. Kids are smart, they figure things out and being confronted with death that early cant be healthy.
It sounded really fishy. Telling the mother of a child one thing, but everyone else something different. Not even sure what the rest were being told. I hate to even think about it, but it did sound like a child theft scam.
FYI, for the first story, ops account was suspended, most likely because she had lied in her story. Should have done your research. If she had a job that had clearance so strict, she wouldn’t even be able to mention the fact that she had said clearance. Meaning the fact she did, on Reddit of all things, means she either was lying, or she violated the rules of her clearance. And as her a count was suspended, she was probably lying.
the college thing, op shouldn’t get a rating because it was a reaction to what seems to be almost a year of torment because her brother is a petulant child that’s jealous his sister got into his dream school. also so what if she escalated things? he wouldn’t leave her alone and she tried to not “rub it in” for long enough. he deserved what he got.
Completely agree. I'll also add that based on what I've heard of him, I'm glad he didn't get in. He sounds like the type that would have looked down on everybody who didn't go to an upscale university, for the rest of his life. He's full of himself, his head got too big, and he needs to go on a diet of humble pie.
"Hey man, I know that I'm literally asking to borrow your child, and put them through an experience that could be traumatic because their entire family would just vanish overnight, and they would have no clue where they went, but if you let us do this we MIGHT be willing to compromise and let you visit every few days."
@Earl Woode or she's working for the government and he's trying to get a job as a reporter. The TMZ thing kinda makes me believe this theory more than an illicit drugs and kingpins theory.
I give rslash five out of five buttholes. This is just another example of me not agreeing with this "dog parent". I will unsubscribe with thanks to him for introducing me to the joys of reddit. I now read them instead and don't have to hear him stumbling over the completely innocuous word "sex" like an embarrassed teenager. For crying out loud I've heard preachers use the word sex in church. If you have enough time to listen to reddit posts, you have enough time to read them. The bonus is that you get to read them unedited.
Hayden Sanford that isn’t really his fault though. If you have been watching him, you’d know the only reason he censors is to avoid the risk of being demonetized. He used to not censor at all, but once RU-vid got stricter, he was forced to.
Hayden Sanford lmao you act as if he avoids it cuz he’s embarrassed. It’s RU-vid demonetization mate It’s completely fine if you prefer not to watch him, that’s just your tastes! And that’s fine, you do you man! But at least get the facts right and know why he can’t say or show those words not because he’s embarrassed or something. In his older videos, he cursed and used all the uncensored words but can’t now
I don't agree with you on the first one. "He has a wide skill range, he should be able to find another job easily" is the most entitled thing I've ever heard.
Polyamory doesn't harm children inherently. The selfish behaviors of the parents hurts the children. I dated a married couple for years, we really loved each other. I was active in their two kids' lives, and boundaries were loud and clear. The kids loved me, but as far as they knew I was just an active family member. If you are going to have kids, you have to communicate with them. If you are going to be poly and have kids, you need to be respectful of the kids.
For the first story: It seems to me like the classic dead end. I understand her for not wanting to risk her job. I understand him for not wanting to decline his dream job. So - it's a problem with no easy solution. But. The fact that neither of those two seems to have tried to talk about this reasonably makes me think there are other things that don't work well in this relationship. Things that seem to have been held under cover until now. I think this marriage was crumbling already before, and neither of them wanted to admit it. So, while I considered NAH before, I'm going with ESH here.
@@thewanderinggamer1369 the husband was secretive, didnt talk, probably wasnt accepted because he is capable of doing the job, but because his wife works at the other company. The wife : made it clear, that she can't accept, that he takes the job, because her whole life and everything up to then would be ruined, tried to talk. Oh and also it just came up, that this is the husbands dream job with no sign of it before. He : at least 3. She : 0
@@thewanderinggamer1369 I was initially going to agree but no, she stated that him joining could ruin her career and potentially even get her blacklisted from getting hired anywhere else, she was thinking about her future not just the job and she had far more to lose than him then the real asshole thing he did was going behind her back to apply anyway... OP 0.25 Husband 2
What you don't seem to be understanding is that she's making this a dead end, the op was being very dramatic and can file a conflict of interest form as well. She can get another job if she chooses to leave her job, but she wants this special one. I saw this post ages ago and the fact NO ONE is thinking that this is super sketchy, especially with the payment of divorce proceedings, makes me think that no one saw it as a red flag. No one also saw the secretiveness of the job and how genuinely guarded she is about the job as a red flag too. Shes at fault for being dramatic and threatening divorce over a job. Hes at fault for lying.
Ok am I the only one that did a spit take when Op mentioned that he would sometimes come home and find his parents gone and random strangers just sitting in his house. Seriously that is f***ing messed up on so many levels. In the first case these stranger could have easily abused Op and then terrified him into keeping quiet, or worse they could have molested him or worse kidnapped him, or even worse the stranger could have been a serial killer. How the f*** was CPS not called? And then from the sound of it there appears to be a long list of people just coming in and screwing and then leaving, so there’s definitely a huge risk of a STD’s, how the parents never got one was beyond my ability to understand. And then there’s the elephant in the room, is Op even sure if his father is his biological father? Cause unless this started happening after Op was born there’s a distinct possibility that Op’s dad isn’t biologically his dad. If that’s the case then that’s super F***ed up. Cheez It’s Op no wonder your so messed up, quite frankly it’s a bloody miracle that you’re not even more messed up than you already are. And the worst part is that the “parents” and I use that term very loosely, don’t even realize what they’ve done wrong. They made that abundantly clear with their “I’m sorry you feel that way” comment, this is a textbook example of narcissism at its finest. To be honest Op, these people aren’t your parents, they are narcissistic pieces of s**t that care more about indulging in their hedonistic fun times rather than being actual responsible parents. Op if I were you I’d cut them out completely because it’s clear that their toxic behavior has clearly messed up your mental health. That being said good for you for getting into therapy and I hope everything turns out well for you.
The first story is actually an a-hole move from the company she works at. Should just fine up to millions of dollars in damages if info does end up stolen. That's what signing for secrecy is for...
Her brother is so bitter he thinks his actions are justified. If she resists or fights back against him then that will just fuel his rage and give him more reason to keep at it or become even worse. The best thing she can do is to be passive and wait the anger out.
@@tommoore2012 this has gone on for months though, she said it happened all through the summer. It's not even her responsibility. She shoudnt have to deal with that
When we were younger (both of us were probably in elementary school), my brother and I were pretty close. Sometime when I was in middle school (he was still in elementary school), he started tormenting me, seemingly out of nowhere. I don't remember it well, so I don't really know when or why it started, and the only thing I really remember is him saying he wished I wasn't part of the family. He would do this in front of my parents and they never did anything. My mom specifically told me that I wasn't allowed to fight back because if I gave him a reaction, it would only encourage him. While that may be, I built up so much resentment towards my family. Even all these years later (I'm a freshman in college and my brother's a freshman in high school), I'm not at all close with any of my family. While their situation is different, if his behavior is allowed to continue without any form of retribution or therapy, it will probably ruin their relationship forever.
tommoore2012 being passive is not good when they’re the ones being beaten down. Personally I’m all for him remembering he got rejected for being a little asshole. She should not have to tolerate her brother’s behavior. However I’m more concerned over WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS. WHY ARE THEY NOT HANDLING THIS??
As a poly person married to a non-poly person, I can confirm that the parents in the poly story simply have neglect and lust on the brain. Knowing what you partner/kids want and need should supersede your loins, y'all. Poly or not, I love my husband more than anything and would never jeopardize our relationship for the sake of s*x. Those parents were just...bad parents. I'm also genuinely shocked that if they had multiple partners CONSTANTLY that OP didn't end up with a slew of half- and step-siblings. Props to them for using contraceptives, I guess, lmao.
I'd give the sister in the college story 0/5. If my brother vandalised my stuff and emotionally abused me (which was clearly happening here), I am entirely justified to cut back. If it's a couple weeks, sure. If it's several months, that's way too much.
