r/Trueoffmychest I Befriended My Wife's Kidnapper 

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With story 3. People forget how much practice stalkers have with getting close to their targets, they are very good at what they do.

Story 3 is just devastating. Op unintentionally gave his wife's abuser access to her in one of the worse ways possible and I can't even begin to imagine the adulterated fear she must've felt when she saw him actually _standing_ inside of her home. I can sympathy with him because I tend to not recognize people really well either unless I've seen their face enough for it to stick in my mind, but at the same time, the wife is completely understandable. It's a horrible situation all around and I really hope that she's surrounded and protected by loved ones.

The prosecutors really failed on that kidnapped story. So what if she originally had a crush on him and it was twisted to be consential. She was 12. A 12 year old legally can't consent to anything like that

For the whole stalking story, I dont blame the guy for not recognizing the guy, how exhausting and mind wrecking it would be to look at everyone you meet and attempt to find a stalker. It would ruin your ability to trust people from the start. His wife has lived through an experience that is hopefully the minority and while I can't blame her for her actions, I can't blame him for seeing a person being friendly and seeing a chance for friendship.

It's actually insane how minor the punishment for stalking is. Its like the authorities won't do anything until they inevitably attack the victim. It's 100% psychotic behaviour and the police do little to nothing to prevent it.

I feel for the husband in the stalker story; I have very, very bad facial recognition, I can’t tell people apart easily and I’m awful at guessing someone’s age. If something changes a little with someone’s face, I probably won’t recognize them. I usually use voices to differentiate people. The victim obviously made the right call, her safety and security comes first.

Story 3: I completely agree with the Wife going into hiding and having to figure out if husband is still to be trusted. But everyone else, who holds it against the husband what happened, is victim blaming. The man fell for a con, just that. The only real villain in all of this is ""David". If anything, the husband getting ostracised, would only help "David" in the long run.

Story 3: everyone's reactions seem so geared around the idea the recognizing faces is something everyone can just do and it's very sad. Face blindness/prosopagnosia/the inability to process faces properly is more common than you'd think and expecting everyone to be able to recognize faces at the same level is incredibly awful. I am absolutely glad that woman took the actions she needed to in order to protect herself. I hope her husband or maybe soon-to-be ex can focus a little more on that and maybe even get himself some therapy over being a fellow victim of her stalker.

Story 3- I dont think either of them are wrong. I could totally see a situation where op has written off the kidnapper as being in prison, so is not being vigilant against an incursion. Further, when you vilify someone in your mind they tend to act/look differently in your mind than they do in person. On the other hand, op's wife is right to take immediate and drastic action against her kidnapper. Op just got caught in the fallout. Its one of those freak situations where no one is to blame but he loses everything because of it.

If your 13 year old daughter feels comfortable enough telling her father that she doesn't want to do these daddy daughter dates any more, it means you're doing a good job at raising your daughter to be a strong, independent and intelligent woman.

The story about the guy letting her kidnapper into his home is a terrifying thought for me. I have an eye condition that makes facial recognition hard for me. Like I can literally walk past acquaintances and not recognise them. Or struggle to recognise friends faces from a distance.

As a prior service marine, a victim of sexual abuse as a child, and a very traditional man, if I had a wife that had an active stalker/rapist, and that individual managed to manipulate me to get into my wife’s safe space, that individual would cease to exist. Not only do they have it coming, but I feel as if that’s the only way you could feasibly start to mend the broken trust between your partner and yourself and prove that you are not in fact in on the whole thing.

Ahem ahem... CHILDREN CANNOT GIVE CONSENT! The fact that the prosecuter dropped the case makes my blood boil. I've also been a victim of stalking and the lengths that this man is going to harm this woman is absolutely terrifying.

Story 3: I'm face blind. I don't recognize people's faces outside the context I know them unless there's a visual or verbal clue. I once waited for my own mother when we agreed to meet at a café because she wore a hat (it was cold) and had new glasses until she stood right in front of me and said "Hi! Are you day dreaming again?" I had a lot of awkward run-ins with co-workers. I recognized them when we crossed paths in the work context. They barely look familiar to me when we run into each other around town or at the gym until they approach me. I've been living with my housemate for ten years now, we see each other daily, but when she's away for a few days and I pick her up from the train station when she returns, I have to look out for her jacket and bag/suitcase. People I'm close with and who understand the condition don't take it personally and find it funny. I get some friendly teasing for it and we all share a laugh (I'm not offended since it's never mean spirited). So, with all that said. I would never, in a million years, recognize a face from seeing pictures. If they wore exactly the same hairstyle, accessories, and clothes, then, maybe but even that's not guaranteed. Unless they had a permanent visible feature like a scar or tattoo, there's no chance that I'd know where they are. It has nothing to do with not caring or trying hard enough or not understanding how serious it is. It's called face blindness(!) for a reason. Imagine a person who can hear well enough but is unable to hear certain frequencies the average human can hear. Imagine, let's say, the average fire alarm sounds at those frequencies. No amount of "BUT IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU HEAR THIS! Don't you CARE about your family's SAFETY?!?!" will make them hear it. So, yeah. I might not see who you are at the first glance but I can see how the husband would make this mistake. I know people don't recognize friends from a different life stage simply because they haven't seen them in a while and now they gained or lost a bit of weight and have a new haircut and an older face. And those are people they've known well and once spent a lot of time with. Eyewitnesses are considered unreliable constantly because they don't remember the faces or even the correct car colour although they stood right next to a crash when it happened. There is a reason why witnesses or victims are shown several people that vaguely fit their description of a criminal. And they were there when it happened. They saw the person in flesh and blood, saw how they moved and heard how they talked. And yet, the human memory often is not reliable enough. And this man only saw a couple of pictures. No movements, no gestures, no tone of voice or intonation habits or accent or dialect. If they told him the asshole was born in Area A, all that dude had to do to "disguise" himself was to adopt a slightly different dialect, wear different glasses, and change his hairstyle. I'm going out of my way and say that most people who hear or read this story would have been fooled, too. If you're older than 30, and have met new people, I'm also pretty sure it's not just us face blinds who sometimes look at their pics from their teens or early 20s and say, "Wow, that's really you? I'd never have recognized you!" When you know it's the same person and they sit right next to you. Depending on how people handle their pictures taken, there's also a good chance that pictures show facial expressions that they wouldn't have when they interact normally. Pictures are better than nothing but still unreliable. The husband was tricked and manipulated. He wasn't careless or flippant. He made an honest, even understandable mistake that unfortunately had horrible consequences. But not recognizing this puts the wife at risk again. Because it can happen to most people. So even if she divorced her husband - if she finds a new partner in the future, the same will happen again. The asshole just has to pop in some contacts to change his eye colour, grow a beard (or shave) and the pictures are worthless. The only way I can think of to prevent this from happening again is to make an agreement - if the husband (this one or another one in the future) befriends new people to the point of hanging out outside their usual context (gym, work), he needs to make a couple of pictures and show her. Conclusion: The husband's actions led to a dangerous, terrifying situation but at the same time, he didn't fuck up by being careless. He's not at fault. He was betrayed, manipulated, and instrumentalized. Just because he's less of a victim of this asshole than his wife it doesn't mean he's an offender. I get the family's emotional reaction and don't fault them for that either. They're scared and about to repeat a nightmare but morally, blaming him is wrong.

Kidnapping story is something that is unfair to the husband. Normally people don't think to constantly look for a stalker unless they go through it. He didn't even know what a panic attack looked like. Honestly he might've only noticed if he looked at that picture daily or met the stalker personally before all of the problem. The couple should try actually talking and/or going to therapy together.

Honestly, the stalking story scares the hell out of me. I don't blame the wife at all because unfortunately the stalker used her husband to get to her. I'm a victim of stalking and I get that lack of trust when it comes to your stalker using people close to you to get to you. My stalker was my ex boyfriend that my family knew as this sweet charismatic guy, but he was obsessed and dangerous at times. Even when I opened up & came clean to my mom about the situation, she still tried to make it out to not being a big deal & speaking highly of him. I don't know why stalking isn't taken seriously but it just isn't 70%-80% of the time. However it does sound like op was just straight up manipulated and I'm sure the wife probably knows that but her safety comes first.

God story 3 kills me. I have a horrible memory and I’m really outgoing and kind. I could absolutely be the husband in this situation. I’m taking this as a moment to reflect on myself.

That last story, good job dad. You raised a girl to the age of 13 who is comfortable enough to be honest with you. I am bracing for that with my own kiddo, even though I'm several years off from it and she tells me that she never wants to leave me. (I told her that would change as she gets older and she literally burst into tears.) And RSlash is completely right. When my parents were in a different state for several years, I talked to them weekly, if not more. As long as the relationship is healthy, that closeness, though changed and matured, returns.

Oh God that 3rd story, when you think about how he came to the house, after she left...means that he was out there watching just so that he could come in while she was gone, and cause even more psychological terror. My goodness how horrible.

For the 3rd story, i can't fault the husband fully, because in updates he is making an effort to fix it, but also the thing is he didn't recognize him. I'm guessing he didn't recognize him because he isn't constantly on guard about the guy and thought he was in prison so had no alarm bells going off. He also wouldn't be on guard for the guy because he wasn't the one who went through that stuff, so I can get not recognizing someone when all that is factored in.

i completely understand the wife and i would react the same, but the guy LITERALLY changed his NAME, his APPEARANCE, and they were under the assumption that he was in JAIL. You cannot blame the dude for not recognizing him when he was literally shown three photos of the man…

I think people are being too harsh on OP in the third story. The fact the stalker looked different, was presumed to still be in jail AND gave a fake name would make anyone think he isn't the same guy. I think a lot of people would react the same way as the wife did, but the fact that nobody would even explain it to OP until the sister did (quite aggressively) most def hurt OP. The wife was the only person with a reasonable response, imo.

Both op and his wife are victims here. There are people that look identical and aren’t in any way related. And if they thought he was still in prison I can understand how he wouldn’t have put two and two together. I hope he’s able to speak to his wife and explain things but she might need a lot of chill time from this….

Okay, I know this might be a hot take on story 3, but I'm wondering whether or not OP's wife was getting any therapy for her trauma. If she was, then either something's gone wrong with the treatment or she might need a new therapist. If she wasn't, then she needs a therapist like yesterday. Her not saying anything to anyone while at the hospital, and then just up and leaving without letting anyone know what's going on made me think that maybe she never learned to properly trust anyone again. Plus, her family and friends going nuclear on OP makes me think they're being a little overprotective of the Wife. Not to say they shouldn't be protective of her, but it makes me wonder if they themselves were so concerned with protecting the wife that they didn't consider reaching out for outside help. Nevertheless, this is a horrible situation, and I hope OP is somehow able to reunite with his wife and work everything out with her.

Feel so sorry for the OP with the "open marriage". First they get insulted and then all their boundaries stomped on. That title story one was horrifying 😳

Honestly the third story is horrible. But I feel awful for OP. He was under the assumption that that pervert was in jail, people change a bit how they look as they get older, and it's so easy to get blindsided in manipulated. I completely understand the wife's reaction, but I really hope they can work it out. Their marriage doesn't deserve to get destroyed because of this guy. OP did mess up but he feels awful about it and is very remorseful. I hope you can communicate to that wife's family and explain everything

The stalker being in their living room was the perfect opportunity to end things, once and for all, with no consequences for either husband or wife. A shame this wasn't taken advantage of.

"I can't finish because you're too loose." Love that he's punishing his wife for the fact that he's doing a good job pleasing her 🙄🙄🙄

Third story: If police records didn't update that he was released, then OP probably wouldn't have assumed that the guy he was talking to was David since he was presumed to be in jail and therefore, wouldn't have pinned him as the guy. Perhaps similar looking, but not the guy who kidnapped and stalked her at all. So the mind can, and will, write off familiarity if it believes that it can't be the individual.

Story 3. Definitely agree that the wife is right to stay safe but I feel for the husband. I am very face blind making it super difficult to recognize people. I use context clues, hair and voice to figure out who someone is. So if I thought someone was supposed to be in jail, I wouldn't recognize them at the gym, especially if I've never heard his voice or he's grown out his hair. It's bad enough I've had trouble recognizing my own mother when she got a major haircut I didn't know about (at least until she spoke)

For the last story, what you said is so absolutely true. I remember being so embarrased to be seen with my parents, even at school and events they were supposed to be at. Now that I'm 24, I look for every opportunity to hang out with them when I can. I got hockey tickets to go to a game with my dad, my mom loves crafting jewelery so sometimes I help her and we just talk about things. Like I don't remember what changed, it almost feels like it was overnight, but it's definitely true that kids come back around after that angsty teen phase. I'm just lucky my parents were patient enough with me while I was stuck in that phase lol. It might be disheartening in the moment, but just be patient and trust your kid and they'll be alright. And they might surprise you with hockey tickets one day :P

Story 3, I don't blame the husband at all! The stalker looked different, had a different name and was believed to be in prison at the time, it's no surprise the husband did not recognise him! The stalker also isn't new to this and knows how to manipulate people. I understand the trauma the wife went through and understand her going off grid but the families reaction was overboard

Story 3: Holy s**t. I can't think anything to say about it besides the fact that it's so easy for one person to wreck so many lives.

Honestly, while Im completely behind the wife and her friends' reaction, I can't blame the guy for not recognizing the stalker. I have ADHD and, while I obviously recognize her when I meet her, I can't rly remember my mom's face and it's only been a few months since I last saw her

Last story. It reminds me of a saying that my father used to tell me about growing up. It went like this; When I was 5, my father knew everything. When I was 15, my father knew nothing. When I was 25, I was in awe of how much my father has learned since then.

I feel so bad for that guy in the third story . He didn’t mess up , he was manipulated by a stalker and ruined his life and his wife’s

Story 4: A kid growing up can be a bit hard to accept, and I know that OP is afraid of her in a toxic relationship, but OP's gotta accept this fact of life She'll come back, but right now, the whole date thing will have to be put on hold

Story 3: lets be honest, if it wasnt in the records a murderer was released and you saw someone who LOOKED like the murderer in real life but knew from the records they were locked up, youd just think it was unfortunate they looked like them. Thats really unsafe for the public, why would they allow it to be like that?

I think everyone is missing one thing. The stalker KNEW where she was. He KNEW that op was her husband he somehow knew this. If the op didn’t befriend him or invite him over the stalker would’ve gotten closer without anyone knowing

I feel for that guy in the stalker story. I can recognize faces but I can never place them. Also the fact that they thought he was still in jail, I would just think that he looks close but it isn't him because he's in jail so how could it?

For story 3, when he was listing the bullshit that "thing" got away with I was thinking that OP should unalive him. Then you said it yourself and I was like YES!!

Story 3: I was thinking the same thing with murdering the stalker. If he’s never gonna see his wife again, at least he can something for her.

No one has a better upload schedule than rslash

Husband: "I'm not in love with you anymore. And your overreacted and how dare you get upset at me blah blah blah..." OP: "I want a divorce." Husband: **Confused Screaming**

My head also went to murder with the stalker story. You’re not alone, rslash.

I actually agree with you rslash on murdering the stalker. If you love that woman so much and want her trust back then get rid of the stalker entirely. They can’t prove it’s you if you’re smart

Ok I disagree with the last one. If you saw a picture of some criminal four or five years ago, you’re telling me you could instantly recognize them after not thinking about them for YEARS? Especially since he looked different

Most prisoners who find out that someone sexually assaulted a minor don't get out of jail. They end up six feet under. David needs to visit those graves to pick out where he wants to be buried.

If I was OP I'd be going to jail for ending that monster

The stalker situation just sucks. The husband is going to be stuck never being able to forgive himself, everyone’s going to blame him, and the wife is going to just be traumatized. I wish we could get an update on how they’re doing. It’s just an awful situation, I don’t want to blame either of them because of it.

Yeah…honestly r/slash i agree…i think, if i were in that position i would consider violence against my wife’s stalker

story 3 , guys i understand OP really messed up but he was also a victim, and he was deceived due to the human condition of wanting companionship , being from the outside we can all say "OH i definitely would have noticed him" but unless you have been in such situations we have to give him the benefit of the doubt . I really feel for his wife and cant blame her for her reaction but give him a chance ,which might be over some months or even years . one thing for Sure though , if i was OP im making sure David "takes a swim with the fishes"

I feel bad for OP in story 3. He's being treated like HE'S the stalker when really he's just another victim. I once didn't recognize my own father because he was wearing a hoody with the hood up, which wasn't something I saw often. This guy had only seen the stalker in OLD PICTURES and never in person, not to mention he was supposed to still be in jail. I get the wife freaking out and needing time, and hopefully she can forgive OP someday. Everyone else is just being cruel. Now that OP had his own experience with the guy, he's more likely to actually recognize him and be a better barrier between the stalker and his wife. Ugh.

yeesh, that 3rd story, the wifes reaction is completely understandable but a lot of other peoples is more extreme, this is someone you have only seen from a few pics (some every old) and you think is in prison so meeting him at a gym is COMPLETELY unexpected. Finally a lot of our recognition is based on context, how often have you seen someone you can't remember until someone tells you when you met and it all clicks into place in your head. Seeing a guy at the gym and connecting him to a prison pic you have seen would be difficult and thats before you consider that these kind of evil people are masters of manipulation and disguising their intent. I hope they can work it out in the end and she has a friend who likes them both enough to act as an intermediary until they can speak again. However if I were him step one is find a new house so she never has to go to the place she saw the stalker/r**ist last again! And if I was that friend I think the argument I would use is "are you going to let that a hole who manipulated your husband destroy your life again when it could be rebuilt?"

In story 3, while I completely believe the wife is in the right to leave, I also completely understand where the husband was thinking, he wasn't thinking about the guy at all as... he assumed the guy was still in jail, there was no reason to be thinking about him while meeting new people, but someone fucked up and kept him on the database or whatever.

If your partner asks for an open marriage, always counter offer with a divorce and don't take no for an answer.

Holy heck I've never heard of anything more terrifying. All I could think of while listening was the 42 y/o guy who groomed me when I was 17 invading my home years later to get have his way again... I also would consider m**der like rslash if I were OP. Seeing my wife panic and cry like this would have shattered my heart forever.

Why isn't it illegal to give a fake name or befriending someone close to one of your former victims?? SERIOUSLY, why isn't getting close to one of your past victims a crime?!?!?!?!

First Story: The hell is that double life? At least OP discovered how creepy her husband is towards her sister. This man is very creepy, disturbing, and this behavior is just wrong. I’m so glad OP got rid of this creep, it is insane he wanted OP to keep that from her sister (even though it was too late for that) Second Story: Honestly OP shouldn’t be with someone who openly insults her. That is hilarous how they agreed on the rule of not having sex at home but OP’s husband broke that rule. OP could do so much better than this guy. Good on OP for getting that divorce Third Story: Wooooow, this story is insane. It would’ve been a different story if OP didn’t know that David did all of this but his wife literally told him about what happened (and I asssumed mentioned his name) and still befriended this guy. Honestly, the justice system 100% failed OP’s wife. However, I can’t fault OP too much because David is the scumbag who did this horrible shit. I’m glad OP feels remorse for this but I would’ve done the same thing as OP’s wife honestly Fourth Story: I mean this is how teens be sometimes

Second story: I HATE people that want specific boundries but then not act upon them themself. That's just a spineless disgusting behind the back of the person that trusted you thing. I feel bad for Jamie as he probably was told something completly different regarding their rules and is now in the middle of it.

Your encouragement to the father from the last post was so sweet! I love how sympathetic you are.

Story 3 reminds me of a pretty popular story I heard once(tw sa)- so if I remember correctly this poor girl was SAd by a guy and couldn't do anything, so she memorized his face and drew a picture for the police. She picked a guy who looked almost the exact same as the drawing she drew and after a few years of trial the guy was taken in, after he was in prison for *years* another guy- who almost looked perfectly identical to the guy who got arrested got put into the same jail for assaulting another girl or something like that, the first guy tried to prove he was innocent by putting this second guy on trial but the girl was so traumatized at this point and so sure it was him she didn't realise the guy on the stand saying he was innocent was actualy the one who SAd her. After a few years and this second guy was found guilty- the same guy the original girl said it couldn't be- she gave a statement about how distraught she was that she didn't recognize his face even though she was right in front of him.

Last story: dad is still teaching his daughter how she should be treated. She said no, he honored it.

The boomerang analogy is so accurate! When I was in my teenage years i distanced myself from both my parents and ran away from home a few times (all because "tHEy DiDnt undRsTAnd me"). Later on, about 19-20 I really started coming back to them and now we have a great relationship. We hangout everytime i come back to my hometown and it's the best. Ain't nothing better than your childhood home.

The teenage mentality is so true. I used to get so mad whenever someone used it as an excuse or hormones and puberty as an excuse but now that I’m past it all, I look back and realize that truly is all it was

I love that you did the story even though you thought it was going to get demonetized. I don't hear too many stories that I can actually relate to on such a traumatic level. I don't think I would be able to forgive somebody who brought one of the people from my past into my home. And I don't even have pictures of these people.

Don't blame the tricked for the pain experienced by the victim of the tricker.

The very first thought I had when hearing that "David" kidnapped and abused OP's wife was "I would track him and kill him, yeah, as as possible, before he can hide"

Rslash, I'm glad I'm not the only one that considered murder in the second to last story. Like I hate to admit it, but it did come to my mind and I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. Sometimes people are just so disgusting I can't help but consider it. Like if not kill, at least severely beating the shit out of.

I totally understand that wife's reaction in the stalker/kidnapper story and support her doing what she needs to do to deal with the aftermath of the trauma that she went through. But, I kinda also get that the husband didn't recognize the stalker, especially when he thought the stalker was still in jail (and so not able to show up at the gym). I used to work in a pharmacy. We had to wear a truly ugly uniform. At the end of my shift, I would change out of my uniform, sometimes really just take off the ugly dress shirt leaving on my ugly uniform pants and the T-shirt I wore under my shirt and then head to the bus stop to go home. I discovered that many people, to my amazement, genuinely did not recognize me when I nodded hello to them at the bus stop even when I had just spoken to them a few minutes before at the pharmacy. NO it wasn't a case of 'I'm embarrassed so pretending I don't recognize the person who just gave my the meds for my STI.' It was genuine puzzlement of trying to figure out who this person (me) was nodding to them at the bus stop. Other than not wearing an ugly dress shirt I looked exactly as I had when they saw me earlier that day and many other days before that. But, out of context and out of uniform they didn't recognize me. And, while some people did recognize me, many others didn't. I mentioned it to my coworkers and they said the same thing happened to them. So, apparently, that is A Thing.

The titled story, I feelhorrible for the wife, OP is both the victmin and at fault, it's suck that he basically loss his life and no one to turn too. I hope the wife does give him a chance to redeem himself

For the title story, I’m not gonna blame OP for not recognizing the stocker. After all his appearance is different, and both of them thought he was still in prison. That being said I totally understand why the wife does not want to see her husband at the moment, and they should be concerned for her safety.

Man, story 3 was intense. And it’s a good reminder that there are sickos and psychos out there so we need to be vigilant and careful… thanks for sharing it Dabney. I think it’s important people are aware

Just remember, if your partner wants an open relationship, then your marriage is already over. Partners already have someone lined up when they suggest this.

If he kills the stalker wife would probably take him back even if he ends up in prison for it

Oh, that third story. The poor wife, I can imagine how terrified she must have felt. I feel her pain. I also feel very bad for her husband, the OP... but it is true, this is something too big. I can't understand how OP forgot, I have a very good memory when the memories are hate fueled. I hope the wife finds peace on her own or if she decides to forgive her husband, they can be happy.

First story is sooo creepy!!! What the actual hell is wrong with him? Good on Op for leaving. Because when he says "I love you" He doesn't mean he loves her.

r/Slash what you said at the end of the kidnapping story, is EXACTLY what went through my mind about a minute before you said it... I mean I'm NOT promoting such actions, no no that would be illegal! ...however, if that guy should have an accident and the wife saw for herself that that man could never hurt her or anyone ever again... 🤷‍♂️ as Shakespeare said, shit happens. Lol.

Story 3: when everyone related to your wife ghosts you and starts changing their info.... Well your future with her is dead.

This man has gone out of his way risking being demonetized so he can keep his audience safe. Mf deserves a billion dollars and a billion subs as he takes care of us all.

poor guy gets blamed for falling for some stalkers schemes

That 3rd story I 100% agree with you. If the last thing I did to protect my wife from this monster was to kill the man who hurt her, then so be it. We may not be together anymore, but at least she would have the peace of mind of never having to fear that man again.

Yeah, sadly you're right about the 3rd story. At this point there probably is no way to get his wife back beyond murder, and he'd have to do it in such a way that she knew it was him. Pretty much guaranteed to go to jail. One way or the other, OP is fucked.

Rslash, I’m actually going to disagree with you on the stalker one. I really can’t blame OP for this, at least not to the extent that his wife’s family was. “David” took advantage of him by forming a relationship of trust. Yes, OP saw pictures, but that doesn’t always translate to real life. And the human brain has a strong tendency to confabulate- which in psych terms means how the brain fabricates experiences or explanations to compensate for lack of memory. If a story is inconsistent, for example, we come up with reasons why it’s logical, or if we’re telling a story of a past event, we fill in the gaps. Could OP have been more careful? Absolutely, especially when it comes to his wife’s safety and health. But OP made a friend at the gym, and that image conflicts with his understanding of his wife’s stalker, so it doesn’t easily connect. A personal example: my grandfather was abusive to my mom and her sisters, so an absolutely horrible man. The only time I met him was when he surprise showed up at our house (I was the only one home, and an adult (20), and the reason he came was to drop off some CDs from my mom and her sisters’ childhood). I’ve seen pictures of him before, but I didn’t recognize him when I opened the door. I only knew who he was when he said “I’m your grandfather.” And he was friendly, even gave me a hug- I was admittedly surprised and weirded out by that, but only because I’d just met him, not because of any bad vibes. Because, honestly, there weren’t any. I knew he was an awful man, and I honestly grew it hate him as I learned more about him over the years, but in that moment, he felt like a normal guy. There was even a funny moment where he asked what my name was, not because he forgot, but because he and his wife couldn’t agree on whether my name was Katie or Kate. He was asking about school and what I’m studying, and when I said psych, he said that was cool because one of my aunts was a psych major. It was really weird how normal it felt. It felt like meeting an relative wanting to get to know me. It was hard to match this normal old man image with the stories I’d heard growing up. And by the time he left, nothing bad had happened (and we haven’t heard from him since). When my mom found out, she called me in the middle of a panic attack- it was the first time I’d heard her like that, she was so scared and confused (not that he knew where she lived, mind, but why he would come). Sorry for the long story, but my point being that awful people don’t always look awful. If he hadn’t told me who he was, I never would’ve pieced it together, even more so if he would’ve given a fake name. I think OP needs to be on the lookout more, since this guy is actively stalking his wife, but “David” took advantage of his trust. And he’s clearly very good at putting on a nice persona, just like my grandfather, so it’s easy to see how he didn’t realize. Having said that, I understand the wife’s reaction- that’s a horrific experience. And the fact that her husband brought that trauma into their home, where she should be able to feel safe, must feel like a huge betrayal. So I can’t exactly blame her either. I think her family should talk to him about it, so they can tell him exactly why they’re cutting him off and make sure he knows what he did wrong. I’m not saying that as an expectation to reconcile, though there’s always a hope of that, but there might be another incident with “David,” or even some other awful person looking to take advantage of someone he cares about. This is an important thing to learn. And I think they need to see that he’s remorseful. Again, not expecting reconciliation, but it’s important that they know he wasn’t being flippant or intentionally bringing him into their home. That’s my two cents at least.

"Do I wanna commit murder over this?" Yes I would, he'll never stop and he will never be punished. A man this obsessed will eventually escalate to murder, either the object of his obsession, whomever's ''in the way'' or both.

16:12 Rslash, I'm half relieved that you said this. I was just thinking that if I were commenting on that post, I might say "OP, if you plotted to murder David and/or went through with it, the law might be angry at you but I certainly wouldn't be, and neither would your wife's family."

I do feel bad for that poor woman's husband, I have face blindness so it's almost impossible for me to recognize someone (I didn't recognize my mom when she dyed her hair). I don't blame the wife for her reaction, but I understand the husband's situation

Story 3 is both unreasonable yet reasonably unforgivable. We can empathize to hell and back, but NOBODY can really understand, on a visceral level, what kind of trauma someone like a kidnapping victim felt or are still feeling. And because of that it's CRAZY easy to become complacent. Yes, he knew what he liked like, but at no point was he, or should he have really expected to need to be on the lookout all day everyday. Slight facial changes and a name change is frankly all that's needed to step through someone's guard. The ONLY person who's going to recognize their attacker better than their own name is their victims. OP was fucked from the jump. He's just a dude. Not a superhero. And it's all too easy to lump the blame on him for being, wait for it......... a perfectly normal fallible human being.

Story#3... while I'm on the wife's side, I just want to say that if David orchestrated this(and I believe he did that too), then I think it's possible that he altered his appearance enough to not be instantly recognized.

For story 3, I feel it needs to be emphasized just how horrible the situation for her really is. She was 12 when all of it happened, still a baby. Then, I'm assuming, spent most if not all of her childhood with him following her. That's so traumatizing and for her to see him in her home probably put her so many steps back in her recovery progress. OP is a victim here nonetheless, it was a con that had been planned for potentially months, or at least as soon as "David" had been released. No one had any warning, I just hope they all can heal and move past this in whatever way they need to.

Story 3: Not OPs fault. He heard about the guy who did evil things to his wife years ago. Stalker knew who OP/wife was and put on an act to become ‘friends’. How was he supposed to know who this evil stalker was after likely over 10-15 years later when stalker changed his appearance. It’s unfortunate what happened to the wife and no justice for it, but that isn’t OPs fault. The gaslighting from wife/family and blaming OP for everything; divorce her. OP doesn’t need the drama and made a simple mistake for not recognizing a stalker (not his) several years after the fact; before OP met his wife.

The title story is so sad. OP's wife and the actions her and her family are taking are perfectly reasonable. But I feel bad for OP as well. Sounds like he's been majorly manipulated. I think he should give himself some grace. First of all it's really hard to recognize someone in real life if you only seen pictures of them especially years later. Second I'm sure he's not constantly having his guard up searching to make sure he isn't interacting with his wife's kidnapper casually. I'm sure if he saw someone suspicious outside his home or in the area he's automatically thing maybe kidnapper be alert but most people thoughts don't go to that in casual settings with people who are behaving nonthreatening. It's a psychological thing. I don't blame him for bringing that guy to their home because it sounds like he was playing the long con to try to get close to OP's wife but it also is totally fair for the wife to cut contact after that. The whole situation sucks. That guy just uprooted his wife's life once more and OP is collateral.

Being awake at midnight has its advantages, like fresh rSlash lol I’m glad to be seeing more of this sub. I love to classics but the new ones are refreshing.

Story 3: Why is OP being punished when he could never have known?

*wanted* Reporter: A man has been stealing wheels of police car Police : we been working tirelessly to catch the criminal

15:58 Honestly I kind of agree. If this man's very existence is tormenting your wife to such a degree that she's been forced to go off grid to keep herself safe, and not even prison can be relied on to keep him away, then maybe murder is the answer? OP could probably get back in his wife's good graces by tracking the dude down and making sure he ends up dead in a ditch somewhere.

I didn't even hear that last story. Was too busy thinking about how not to get caught making someone like that previous story disappear.

You're not wrong about contemplating murder with story 3. I don't think the creep is going to stop until her husband murders him. It might be the only redemption left if the law is going to keep turning a blind eye.

Mrder? The true DarkSlash emerges