r/UnpopularOpinion - Dating Hot Takes 🔥 

Real

real

fr

Thanks for doing this. Love your vids, maybe discovering stuff about me. Love you man

I agree, that sounds like an awesome first date!

That's only an unpopular opinion amongst politicians & a handful of "I got mine, screw you" types

Based but not unpopular

I never had a problem with homeless people. It made me sad, but never bothered me. But once my cousin came visit me in my house. In the end of the day she told me she was going to leave earlier, because she had bad memories of the homeless people in the street near the main train station harassing her. The city hall doenst have much control over housing policy in my country. The main reason for our housing crisis are government policies, inefective bureaucracy and the eurocrisis (that bankrupted most national construction firms reducing housing construction to historical lows). The city hall is not going to be able to reduce homelessness that much, it can create municipal scale programs, but that would never be up to scale. Homelessness can only be fixed by deep structural reforms, with the help of the central state and it's legislative power (we are a centralized nation). Sometimes, anti-homeless architecture protects the people, people like my cousin. (edit: at least in very public spaces like train stations, bus terminals, hospitals, party areas, colleges, highschools, nursing homes and central urban public parks that are open to the public during the nigth that are in plazas, so they may eed to be crossed by necessity)

W opinion

I once read something that made me understand anti-homeless architecture. "If you're against anti homeless architecture you've never lived in a place with a homelessness problem." I am lucky to live in a part of a city where homelessnes isn't a problem but reading that quote made me think of the parts where homelessnes is a problem and... yeah I get it now. A lot of homeless people are alcoholics, drug addicts or have mental health issues. Beeing around them can be uncomfortable or even dangerous and anti homless architecture pushes the homeless away from large public spaces. It is sad that these people can't get the help they need but a lot of them don't even want any help (someone I know worked in a place that takes care of the homeless) but the anti homeless architecture helps the non homeless majority. It doesn't solve the problem but it makes it better for the non homeless

The 50% divorce number is also skewed by multiple-time divorcees.

​@@AngryReptileKeeperto be fair, the 18% is also probably skewed, but it's still a significant reduction.

Tbf, when those people got married, it was a time when women HAD to get married or they literally couldn’t do anything in life. Like women literally couldn’t get their own credit card till the 80s I believe. So when it was no longer necessary for women to live dependently on their husbands, they left.

It's possible some of that is due to millenials being married less long. Obviously your divorce rate will be lower if you cut out all the divorces that happen after a certain amount of time later (idk how big of an impact that would make but I would bet that's why it's less than half at least)

Also millennials just don't have to get married at all. Commitment to a spouse doesn't have to be a juridical contract. That gets hate and whining as well by the way... "What's wrong with you, why aren't you getting married?!?!" followed with "What's wrong with HER, she's getting divorced AGAIN?!?!"

It wasn’t male homicides that went down it was female suicide so it was more women taking their own life to get out of awful relationships that could finally leave safely with their kids and find a better partner in the future

​@@sirsurnamethefirstofhisnam7986 I think both went down.

Quick Google says it was a strong drop in men ending their wives.

My unpopular opinion is that everyone gets to roll a dice when they turn 16: subtract 2 from the roll and that's how many times you can get married over your lifetime, but you _can_ use them concurrently. Zeros can go into a monthly lottery to get 1 token, but they have to marry another winner from the same lottery round.

Blame Christianity if you live in the US. As a non-American, I actually believe that marriage is the top *relationship* goal. In theory, it's your declaration to one another to support and love each other until you die ("'til death do us part"). I wish marriage went back to the way it was before, when getting divorced would get you ostracized by the rest of society (as in gtfo of the town, not just "oo, they did something bad, yikes"). Then people would actually have to put more thought into it (but obviously wouldn't, I'm delusional but that that much 🥲).

I don't give a shit about the marrying part of it. To me what's way more harmful is the same people who put marriage on a pedestal, also tend to do the same thing with having kids. SO many people have kids just because they feel it's expected if them, and are woefully unprepared to be parents. My unpopular opinion is: if you want to have kids, you have to be evaluated by a trained mental health professional, and if you fail, you have to take classes or something to learn how to be a good parent. That way nobody is telling you, you can't have kids, but honestly if someone where to get to that point and refuse to take the classes, I would feel no guilt in making it illegal for them to have kids.

​@@louisrobitaille5810i think it actually sometimes work like that, but most times when a married couple starts to have problems they still don't wanna divorce cause "maybe it'll get better" "we just need more time" and sure that sometimes work, but I feel like it usually makes them irritated by eachother more and more, until the point when they can't stand it and they get divorced The other situation is that they would start to ignore and avoid eachother and cheat because they don't want to be in relationship together but they feel like that can't leave it so they try to escape it in other ways And like I said - in some cases it maybe would make a pair solve the issue but mostly it would make it worse

I dont think that’s too unpopular of an opinion

If anything, parents should DIVORCE for the kids. It was one of the big reasons my mom decided to divorce her abusive (now) ex.

it might scar the child more to find out there whole childhood was a lie

Yeah I'm honestly glad my parents got divorced when they did. It took emotional baggage and financial strife off my dad. And I didn't have to grow up with a mom who didn't really care about me. And would rather have just had a bestie to go shopping with. And not a kid. As much as I still hold animosity towards her. I'm 100% better off with them apart.

That is literally my parents (not the marriage part they actually *loved* eachother)

I also want to add because it seems swept under the rug: if you're having issues like not communicating effectively or having problems budgeting or managing your time... WHY WOULD YOU ADD A WHOLE OTHER HUMAN INTO THE MESS? "we never see each other." Sure, add a baby that requires so much attention and will force you to work in shifts. That'll fix it.

Agreed

100%

Yes!!

This is not unpopular! Downvoted for being too popular! (for legal reasons, this is a joke)

Yes. I think this should be required along with being able to review online reviewers so you can tell right away if the review online is actually reliable

yeah. Honestly in my opinion there's no harm in making literal harmless jokes about something being cringe. it's actually insane how fast you can get attacked by making a playful joke about a media that someone likes. theres a difference between one small joke and completely backing someone into a corner with joke that eventually become targeted and hurtful. a small joke doesn't hurt anyone that's just fine. however the making many targeted jokes in the use of bullying is problematic. So many people don't know this difference which makes it even more sad

@@dragonwolfzero820 I understand using the word cringe, especially when I will affectionately and jokingly use it myself, it's just when it is used as laughing at someone rather than laughing with them. All in all, i agree with your points.

People who call stuff cringe is cringe but now I'm cringe

Yea I guess you're right

The thing is, having a word for something changes the way people think about and perceive it. All the way from its conceptual stage, "cringe" is tailored to calling attention to socially awkward or nonstandard behaviour with a specifically negative connotation. This allowed people to notice and shame behaviours that previously weren't enough to warrant attention or stronger criticism. Because of this, I do think the problem is inherent to the term itself, at least to some extent. In that sense, the rising of "cringe culture" is just a natural consequence of the effect that reifying social othering into a named concept has on people. That's not to say it's always bad to use the word, just that from the moment the term was coined this specific misuse of it had already been predetermined.

Agreed. Your 20's and getting on your feet as an adult is hard enough already! I got married in my mid-30's in 2011. By that time we had enough life experiance necessary to know what we wanted in a partner and a household and could match those dreams really well to each other.

Because women "lose their value" or chances of having a family

Yeah like 20s is ridiculous People aren’t even adults (biologically not legally) at that age And even if they are adults, they may not prioritize it or be interested at all

100% agree, I'm 39, have been in a relationship for 12 years, neither of us want to get married. Why get the government/church involved on our relationship? Why spend insane amounts of money on a single day of celebrating our relationship? and if we end up splitting up we've already agreed, the person that paid for each item decides who gets to keep it (the car being the exception since we both paid towards it but I have stated she could keep it because I could buy a bicycle temporarily where as she couldn't because she cannot ride one), if we were married there would be divorce lawyer fees, the way we are no excess money will be needlessly spent. On the being child free point, I agree again, we have no children. I am convinced I would be a terrible father (not in a bad way like abusive or neglectful just not able to impart good advice or be dependable in times of need) and have therefore never wanted children, my partner has her own personal reasons for also not wanting children but I'm not going to share her personal reasons on the internet. I think that if you're adamant you want to get married, you should have been in a relationship around 3 years to make sure you're good together before even considering marriage. Not part of your point, but I also think the phone checking in a relationship is down to personal preference. I trust my partner 100%, we know the unlock codes to each others phones/computers etc. but we feel no need to check each others phones, for us it's just convenience. Instead of "pass my phone so I can do XYZ" I can just ask her to do it for me if I'm not near my phone and vice versa.

Yeah...some old people are just so pressed of wanting grandchild, they didnt care if you found someone suitable or not

This. I wonder if the op there has heard of the right to repair movement?

It's not even just Obsolescence. People want smaller, cheaper things. This drives making things that are simpler, and cheaper. An Apple II could be repaired with a logic probe and a soldering iron. You wouldn't even be able to get the probe on a modern PC or laptop. And even if you did sus out the broken part, have fun removing a ball grid array chip and reseating the new piece without several specialized tools.

It's a bit of both, people looked at my mother weird for repairing clothing (mittens, gloves, a pants etc).

So true. For example, I learned how to sew at a young age & recently picked up the skill again so I could add darning to the mix. You can only darn a hole in your pants so many times before your entire crotch area becomes entirely replaced with embroidery thread. The fabric is noticably thinner than it was even 15 years ago. Denim jeans used to protect my legs from the cold pretty effectively, but I can *feel* how much thinner they are now. You literally have to pay over $100 for a single pair of denim jeans from specific luxury brands now if you want them to last over a year. The newest top in my wardrobe is a band tee I got from a concert last year. The shirt cost me like $40 and already has a hole in the armpit. I wear it as a pajama shirt. It rarely even leaves the house! The oldest item in my wardrobe is a button-up my mother bought around *20-25 years ago* at a Disney store. She wore it when dropping my brother and I off at preschool & elementary school. I have worn it every summer to protect myself from light breezes since she gifted it to me 10 years ago. There is not a single hole in it. Never has been. It has never needed to be patched up *once.* Since their conception and for thousands of years, clothes have been designed to last so long that they can be passed down to our children and grandchildren. Our ancestors often held onto clothes that no longer fit them with the intent to pass them down. Now clothes are specifically designed with cheap, thin fabric and cheap labor with the intent of ensuring that they fall apart within a few months/years so that company can continue collecting your money. This is why I *always* recommend looking for vintage clothes in thift shops, asking your grandparents if they have clothes in your size, and searching subreddits like r/BuyItForLife when you can afford to spend a decent chunk of money on clothes. $100 jeans are worth it when they last 10 years instead of 10 weeks.

it's similar growing technology just 5 years ago you could disable features of your phone that decreased its overall life span. Now you have to look up detailed tutorials and it just either ends up being too much work or unachievable. Products are more and more being made to break and breakdown. You can have 1 part broken in whatever you are trying to fix and the part will be just as expensive if not more expensive to fix. so I agree it's not that people don't want to learn to fix things, it's that making things that can't be fixed by previous knowledge or common sense.

Or that they have a whole second phone you don't know about.

I'm with you on hiring a professional, if you're out of your depth. I also think that there's at least two major hurdles in the way for people: 1) The cost of hiring is very high compared to the wages of those who need to hire and B) the act of finding and hiring a professional can be complicated and frustrating. For me, my skills just lie elsewhere, and there's so much hidden time-investment in hiring. I am not saying it's a good idea to DiY everything, I'm just saying I can see how some people would just say Fuck-It and try, even if they should not.

Rule of thumb: a self taught electrician is just as trustworthy as a self taught martial arts instructor, and that instructor is running a scam

I've also heard of stories where cancer patients (mostly terminal) get divorced, so if they die, their spouse isn't debt-laden. (Or their spouse makes them sign the divorce so they don't have to deal with the debt. Either way it's depressing to have to think about. The US economy is a dumpster fire.)

Insurance and the medical care system in the US is one of the most brutal systems I've ever seen NGL

@@kaelin_cherise That happens as well. In this particular case, they just couldn't afford Chemo without Medicaid assistance. Getting divorced allowed them to no longer file their income jointly, putting the wife under the cutoff threshold for aid. Together they were not "limited income", they were a middle class couple. Alone she is a person on "limited income" who happens to have a roommate. Extremely stupid system

​​@@kaelin_cherise it makes me think of a genius idea. Find a single person that is dying. Marry them and divorce them leaving them debt in divorce. Pay back by spending a nice day with them.

Yeah, my grandma got divorced so she could be paid to take care of her husband after a debilitating stroke. It was kinda f'd up, but it was the only way she would be able to take care of him and not become absolutely destitute. And this was back in the 90s. Seems like not much has changed.

Basically millenials divorce less than boomers because they marry less in the first place

Exactly this. I know so many older women who wished they would have divorced their spouse because they were a cheater, gambler, addict, etc, but according to their religion and family structure, it was their fault that it happened in the first place. Sickening.

I just had a law uni class , and yes it's mainly our elders divorcing. Another factor is that people marry while being active workers, and realise only once they retire that they cannot stand being around their spouse 24/7 (this phenomenon also happened with covid lockdowns).

@@tdelioncourt1268 with a 34% increase in divorces and a nearly 40% increase in domestic violence during that time, this doesn't surprise me one bit.

I'd say a bigger reason was that marriage was just something you were expected to do back then. Heck, even today, people who aren't in a hurry to get married and start producing crotch goblins are viewed as "selfish" by a decent chunk of the population.

Also some of us are just bad at video games

Playing video games does give you funny commentary if you think your own commentary is funny 😉

​@@ZK-ib2wpthats kinda lonely.... And i speak from experience. Even if i like to talk to myself i still enjoy other peoples take on things

@@yaB0i_Hawkx it's lonely to play video games by yourself? Not if you're an introvert doing it to decompress from interacting with others, like me lol

For me Let's Plays are mostly about the personality behind it. When I watch channels like Markiplier or Vinesauce, most of the time it's for the guy playing the game. They're funny.

My dad used to love spicy foods, but for some reason after his second knee replacement he can't do it anymore (and the surgery was over two years ago at this point). Something in the medications he received like permanently altered not only his taste buds but also his body's response to spicy foods, and he'll get stomach-aches and heartburn and stuff. It's super weird.

That's pretty interesting

Thats interesting to here :O

Divorce Georg is an outlier and should not have been included in that survey

Something that annoys me is the perception that most divorces are caused by being miserable in the marriage. When the majority of women surveyed on their divorce, rate the previous relationship as a 7/10. People are getting divorced out of bordom far more often than they are out of being miserable.

@@Erowens98I guess it’s just better to divorce before you become miserable due to boredom

My uncle has been married six times. Can confirm

Not to forget that divorce rates are not "real" by their very nature: It's impossible to say how many of the marriages of THIS year will last til death, you can only say that after everyone of those people have died. So, about 80 years in the future. The divorces of today are about the marriages from years or decades ago. But there is a bias: Decades ago, a higher percentage of the population got married because it was the only acceptable way to live together (because of that, my parents got married after just 1 year of relationship in the 80ies). Today, many couples live together without being married. So, for the marriage rate you compare the number of marriages and the number of divorces but because of those changes in society, it doesn't really say much. Would be interesting to see the rate of divorces after a certain number of marriage years specifically (for example, how many marriages from 5, 10, 20 or 30 years ago have been divorced) and compare that rate with the same rate of earlier years.

Found this in a Forbes article: It wasn't until 1974, when the Equal Credit Opportunity Act passed, that women in the U.S. were granted the right to open a bank account on their own. Technically, women won the right to open a bank account in the 1960s, but many banks still refused to let women do so without a signature from their husbands.

Yeah and that's why the red pill crowd wants divorce to be more difficult again, because they KNOW that no woman in her right mind would stay with them if she had a choice.

And also because divorce was illegal + all marriages were confessed in churches, and divorce was treated as a sin. People were just afraid to receive public hate and prison, so they were forced to be together. Especially when most marriages weren't consensual but arranged by parents.

People conveniently forget that it was a different world, as in people hadn't fought and died to give rights to women yet lol

This. Here in Germany a woman wasn't allowed to work if her husband was against that till the 70s. My father had affairs through most of his life. Once he even went to a health resort with another woman - when my mother was told about this by a "friend", she went there and there was a big blowup. But she didn't divorce him - she had five children (2 under 10yo) and hadn't worked since they married.

These companies might as well have Batman lvl contingencies with how much of a liability a simple shipping accident can be

​@@notproductiveproductions3504 I'm the lead of a delivery department of a major appliance retailer and let me tell you I genuinely am so upset by how most vendors package their crap. I've had to reorder things like shower walls, tubs, tiles, ECT MORE THAN ONCE because they keep coming in damaged and then I am the one that has to tell the customer and inevitably and rightfully so they're angry but I have no control on how it comes in. The only thing I can do is click the reorder button 😭😭😭

100% agree. Especially with open world games, like Botw, where you could go and do anything. I watched a few people; one actually followed the story hints the NPCs gave, while another one just wandered around until something interesting happened. Even with games like Pokemon, where the story is fixed, it's entertaining to me, because they may use Pokemon I wouldn't normally use, or strategies, or even establish Nuzlocke rules for themselves.

I really hate people who go on about “uuuuh why do you watch people play the game and don’t play it” because there is a variety of reasons that could be the case, such as watching to get an idea of you want to play it or not, maybe you need an idea of how to play it or get past a stage or you simply can’t play it due to not having a device that came handle said game

was relieved to realize "he" in the edit was the click and not a paranoid partner who just accused you of cheating

Yep. The first, it will be about gadgets, and the second, it will be about "wrong glances" and "wrong touches".

The smart cheater will delete the evidence from their browser before you have a chance to look at it. The really smart cheater will accuse you of cheating before you even get around to suspecting them.

I would say the more important part is that people get married too soon so it ended up with them being miserably married rather then separating before marriage and kids

As a child of divorce I'm so glad my parents didn't stay togheter. I was able to run away from psycho "birthplace" to my dad. If they stayed togheter I would probably still have been abused or even worse

The best thing my parents ever did as a couple was get divorced. Their marriage was a cautionary tale, and ALL of us were happier after it ended.

There is a balance. Marriage without any weight of permanency leads to too many broken homes, but marriage with too much weight of permanency can occasionally lead to members of that family feeling trapped in an abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationship. Most relationships would do well to be a little more focused on the long term and be a little more willing to weather the hard times. That doesn't mean that many divorces aren't positive, just that the majority of issues leading to divorce could probably be resolved without ending a marriage. Literally anyone can have a happy life with any partner as long as they are both willing and able to make it work. The problem is, it does take actual work, and a lot of the time it takes significant change and adjustment for both people involved. It's uncomfortable at times to acknowledge shortcomings and work to become better. It's so much easier to blame your partner, blame your situation, or just say, "this is who I am." Those are the times that divorce is truly sad, because not only is the divorce itself avoidable, but all the heartache and pain that led up to it.

@@jaredwonnacott9732 Yeah, but the important question is: why put all of that effort? What's so holy about marriage that it has to saved?

Honestly it comes down to location and culture as to what is weird in that category

Also, it was good to have "no-fault-divorces". Going through humiliating details of a marriage life is bad for the participants and bad for the justice system. In my opinion, the legal side being relatively easy is not a problem, but raising kids to honour their marriages, keep what been agreed to and being flexible and eager to listen and to find compromise is still a great thing. The goal is to become a better person, regardless if you marry or not (and here I include common law marriages). I think the stone analogy is quite good. Me and you have sharp edges, and we are irregular and not so shiny. We need grinding and polishing, but that's gonna hurt a bit. We agree to stay until we are pretty and shiny xD It still needs skill, but it's more or less gonna happen, if we share a life together. Marriage is a union. Union is one kind of contract? Deliberate deception in contract making should always nullify the contract? I do think it's complicated, but right or wrong don't always go hand in hand with legality. State is not a moral police, it dwells more in practical consequences of actions. Sorry for the long message 😅

The existence of false reports makes it hard to not be judgemental even the mere accusation of abuse is enough to ruin someone's life

I have bad excema, so my dermatologist tells me not to shower every day. I shower every other day, unless of course the 'non shower' day is super hot and I end up covered in sweat and I'm gross. But a regular day? Nah, it's fine.

100%. I like to shower every 6 days, because my hair doesn't like being showered every day, it only starts to get greasy on day 4 or 5, but I still wash my armpits etc. with my flannel and soapy water every day. I think a lot of people that shampoo their hair every day are making it more brittle

I completely agree, personally I shower or bathe 2-3 times a week and only wash my hair once or twice a week. There is daily washing of face/armpits/genitals with a flannel just to freshen up, but my skin and hair feel a lot healthier than they did when I used to shower daily.

I agree the most with the person that said it really depends on the person. Everyone should shower often enough to not stink or look visibly dirty, and enough to feel clean and good. However much that is, depending on the person.

But showering doesnt imply hair washing? 😅

they never had to sleep rough, that's how

anti-homeless design is fine if you're intending to make a flawed city

Disdain for the homeless to the point of being willing to make your communities actively hostile to all people

@@Nerobyrne then do tell how DO WE solve homlesness? im geniuenly curious, in my country its not a huge problem as in us, but here when working retail i geniuenly knew like 4 homless people who were homles just cuz they wanted to. alcoholic who does not have home to his name because he would just drink it away, who "lives" with his sister but instead of living with her he sleeps in a truck bay and begs for money cuz his sister wont let him buy alcohol, a homless woman who is homless because her husband who shares house WITH HER refuses to buy her drugs so she lives on a streets begging for money and thieving for drugs.. how do we solve a problem when people in that problematic situation refuses help even if they are given help? im not saying everyone is like that, yes there are definetly many unfortunate people but lets not act like everyone is there because life wronged them, there are those who choses it instead of fighting with their problems

@@luk4s56 the problem here was that people piss in the street, the solution for that is public toilets

Those candies were always sweet and salty to me lol

Yikes!

Sounds so fake. If a woman is gonna do anything while snooping is to analyse the shit out of what they find. No woman is not gonna recognise her own body, background, underwear, clothes, hair color.

What the fuck

That's tragic

I feel like if he agreed it would have actually saved him, because then he could have told her beforehand that they were old pictures of her and could have not been stabbed

Eh, depends on the woman. If they're super unattractive, or if they're neurodivergent, or if they're LBTQ(left g out for obvious reasons), it's a different story. For myself, SURE plenty of men would message me, but once they actually read my bio where I stated I was asexual, they were out SO fast. Too many dudes only wanna fuck. Thankfully my bf said "Okay, I don't have much of a sex drive anyway" 😂

I think it applies to pretty girls and average or below guys though, most girls on dating apps are very pretty, compared to guys and there are barely any ugly (not just fat) girls. I

@@Nakia11798 yeah I'm aromantic, no way would I hit someone up who is ace 😂

​@@analogueappleshonestly girls on those apps tend to just be better at taking photos vs many of the guys. A lot of guys put very little effort into theirs. I don't mean they have to pit on make up and get a bunch of filters, bit many really don't pit much effort. The number of times I've seen pictures where they just use an old photo of them with their ex bit just scribble out her face is...Something I see way tok often. Like at least try. I don't have any make up or filters and all my pics are selfies (because I have no friends and no social life lol) but I at least tried. Like the one a lot of guys seem to like the most is one I randomly decided to take while sitting in my car (I was waiting on someone so I wasn't driving,) while on the app and decided I should have more than one or two pics up. The other one of me guys seem to also like is another one I randomly decided to take for tinder while I was on it while taking a walk in the park because I had a couple hours to kill before my kids got home from school. Or a lot of guys will have no photos at all. (Amd not just the ones looking for anonymous hookups or because they're in a relationship and don't want someone their so knows to see that it's them.) Or they're just really bad photos. Like honestly the best ones they can use would be a nice selfie, maybe have one or two tbay someone they know take of just them, then have a couple group ones of them with their buddies. (It's been shown that having photos of you with you friends or family and whole out doing something significantly improves your chances. Just have one or two of just you to make it easier for them to know which person is you.)

Because... women stink?

Playing horror games with a group is often funny or entertaining as well.

Or they are designed to make money with the microtransactions. Anyway, I agree, that mostly games have a price tag always. (Maybe excluding something like student projects, they might be free because they exist as a learning tool) I think we should go back to games having a price (even if it's small), and getting rid of the style of pay-to-win games. And also owning stuff, like software, and not just a monthly license etc. Äääh, I better stop before I get frustrated 🤣🤣

​@@pohjanvanamoUsually it's both, microtransactions AND stolen info.

I just automatically assume that everyone- my bank, my doctor, the DMV, my vet, the grocery store and even the state and federal governments are selling my information these days whether I pay for a product or not.

So much of this. So many times you see the "stay together for the kids" but that just hurts the kids as it creates an unhappy home environment. It is better to see two parents happy but separate then together and unhappy

Yep. My parents split when I was a toddler. They still work together and even though I live with my mom, I see my dad often. I don’t think I would have as good of a relationship with either of them if they had stayed together

I also feel like people arguing that people "just divorce if things get too hard" neglect to acknowledge that divorce isn't exactly an easy process most of the time. It's as big a life change as getting married, just in reverse. And often it's potentially a more complicated change, because you need to untangle finances and arrangements, sort out custody for children, find an agreement who gets the cat (or whatever), splitting up assets or real estate etc. .. and emotionally you're giving up on something you initially thought would last forever, possibly you also may need to face some hard truths about yourself or your (ex) partner etc. etc. People who decide to split in the overwhelming amount of time do it for a good reason, one that justifies the laborious and long process that is divorce.

​@@augustaseptemberova5664Divorce is still the easy way out, because the alternative is a miserable life with someone you hate. The people who have a problem with divorce are either A) Domestic abusers who don't like that it gives the person they abuse a way out. B) People who have never dealt with an abusive partner. C) People who regret not divorcing or didn't get the chance to and are jealous that other got what they wanted.

⁠@@wta1518I mean I guess. But mostly divorce still isn’t an easy process. So even if it’s easier it still isn’t easy. Also in the situations where it’s used, it’s more like: “oh so you went into one fight. And now you want divorce?” That’s usually the perspective those people have, because they downplay other people views and problems, and think they are the only ones with proper judgement. It is also why I would like to add the category of: “only when it’s THIS bad.” Who thinks it’s okay to divorce in case of an abuser or a cheater, but in any other instance will say that “people just aren’t willing to work on their relationships” no matter how long the couple has been together, or how many issues they have had.

Sad and unfortunate, yes, but not at all unusual. You'd be amazed at how often the focus is shifted away from "creepy-ass 40 year old dating a teenager" and onto "Wow what was that teenager thinking??" It's adjacent to "But did you see what she was wearing?"

​@@DrThemoWormexactly. Everyone shames teen moms but yet most of the fathers of their child are 25 or older. No one questions the guy, only shames the girl.

Obviously they were dating her because they like their women like they like their apples: Fresh off the branch 🤢🤢 As to why they weren't the ones getting the comments: Jealousy 🤮🤮

This is a very hot topic on the polish internet for a number of reasons and the whole situation has taught me basically just that most men (or at least a majority of those who share their opinions) genuinely do not see anything wrong with dating underage girls other than it being illegal. I've literally seen tens if not hundreds separate people in the last few weeks claiming that dating a 19 year old is absolutely fine and desirable, in every situation, and that's it's okay to have sex with a 16 year old because it's legal. It's sickening. I never was the one to generalize and hate on all men, and I don realize it's not literally _all_ men but it's clearly a very high percentage

Because it's always the women's fault, duh! Even if they were possible victims! (Sarcasm)

Hot take: If someone is a traditional person who thinks everyone should be married and they oppose marriage therapy/counselling, they're not a conservative, just a fkn idiot 😁

Well said!

I am not against the availability of divorce at all, but I do think a non-insignificant portion of population are too quick to abandon their marriage, especially mentally. And by this I'm _not_ saying there aren't any people who hold on to their marriage when it's basically dead already. I think too many people are pressured into marriage, either by society, family, or their to-be spouse.

@@TheRawrnstuff It's too easy to get married, that's the problem.

Perfectly said

It's actually textbook projection spawned from guilt. They project their sins onto their partner to assuage their own guilt.

Yep, absolutely. Can't stand this type of hypocrisy! My father did this and had the nerve to force me to be his spy. My mom was loyal, but it turns out he was the one cheating.

​@@kaelin_cherisethat's what I was going to say. It's called "projection". It a very common thing abuser amd manipulators do. My kids dad (and other abusers in my life, not all romantic partners,) have tried to use it on me all the time. Like when I got pregnant with our 2nd child, he tried to tell everyone he knows this one isn't his because I'm out f-ing every guy I can...Until one of his friends and our next door neighbor finally had enough and loudly exclaimed "HOW?! She never leaves the house!" And we were living with his parents at the time, his mother being disabled and always home herself, wp it isn't even like I could sneak someone over. Meanwhile I had to walk like almost 10 miles at 8 months pregnant in a large city I'm not familiar with (and unknowingly walked through a VERY bad part of the city,) on an over 100°F day (about 38°C) because he refused to take me to one of the appointments for the pregnancy. He said it was because he doesn't want to drive in the city because pot holes when in reality he was in that city seeing another woman. Meanwhile I had to explain to the doctors why I was dripping in sweat and so physically tired while also convincing a child services agent why they shouldn't revoke my parental rights before my child was even born. Thankfully after all that the hospital was able to arrange a transport ride for me home.

Yeah women simply aren't allowed to be 'shallow' even though dating is inherently discriminatory, meanwhile we're expected to not bat an eye when men say we should all have a dump truck ass held up by thick smooth thighs, mega milkers and a non existent waistline with all other features of the skinny persuasion💀

I think that's a bit of a dumb take. Physical attractiveness is needed in a relationship. If there's no physical attraction, all you can ever be is friends because nobody would sleep with someone they don't find attractive without feeling uncomfortable by it. I also don't see why you should say that someone's looks making you feel safe and protected is bad. Because in a good relationship you should feel safe, protected and more than anything comfortable. Every relationship is a balance of liking the persons personality as well as having a physical attraction. It's basically your monkey brain going, those are good traits for the survival of the species, so I am in love and I will try to woo them for the rest of my life. Because survival of the species is the most basic instinct we got. We can't live forever, but as long as we got a kid, we technically have a continuing line to us. It's why those bloodlines where so important in the past. Because it matters to our instinct. For example I got a partner now. We met online, without ever seeing each others faces. In the year that we chatted and spend time together, I was like, this guy meets all my emotional needs, which means he's my best friend. He's someone I can rely on. Yup. Then we both did a vid call. Saw him for the first time. And his looks where just all I wanted in a guy too. He was perfect in my eyes. Smaller than me, long hair to play with, cute glasses (everyone I know wears them so it's weird to see people without) hilarious taste in clothing that cheered me up instantly. So I asked him out. And now we've been dating for six years testing each other out. To see if we're better of being friends or better of being together in a relationship. Dating should take time because it generally always starts with a physical interest cause that's the first thing you see. Invalidating physical attraction just kinda makes it sound like you've never dated in the first place.

@@junrobin9335 ...Have you ever heard of asexual people perchance? Because asexual people are a thing, many totally do date (for example, some asexual people can become physically attracted to people but require things like emotional attachment first, while others might not ever ever feel physical attraction or the desire for sex but may be willing to engage in/interested in the later with a romantic partner for the emotional intimacy) and... yeah. Just wanted to point out Ace people exist, can be quite happy in romantic relationships (even those involving sex) because what people want out of their relationships can vary a LOT, and while physical attraction is very important for most people, for others it's really a non factor. Case in point: my Dad who was quite happily married to my mom until her death around a decade ago. He's ace and didn't identify as that until about a year ago: I was reading out loud about sexualities for 'trying to memorize terms to not be dumb or rude on the internet' reasons, and cue surprise when my 'not interested in all that stuff' Dad suddenly piped up with a 'Oh, that one sounds like me. Huh, didn't know there was a word for that' while I was half way through the asexual umbella catagories section, and from what I've gathered from asking more since he basically ended up in number of relationships because 1) people around kept assuming as a young man he'd date so he'd ask random ladies his age out because he thought that was how it worked, 2) people asked him out and he figured 'why not?' and 3) Some girls were interesting enough in other ways, like being clever or funny, that he thought 'is this attraction?' and asked them out. No clue how he ultimately ended up with my mum still since prying any personal stories from him is like squeezing blood from a stone (at least I know mom's side of things was more standard judging from 'the amazing way he ate his sandwiches' stories she used to tell me as encouragement for me) but I have no doubts they were quite happy together and frankly, as someone also slowly coming to accept I'm probably under the aro/ace umbrella as well, I'd really kind of like to find a similar kind of relationship with someone out there myself one day, even if it'll probably be quite tricky to pull off (given the awkwardness of explaining the whole 'Hey IDK if I like you but you're cool and I'd like to date to see if I could' thing. Ugh. *buries head in hands over lacking the guts to do that personally* ...) So yeah. Sorry about all the babble but just wanted to bring this stuff up because well, us aces aka those that don't 'do' the physical attraction thing exist, not all of us are sex repulsed (some like it, some are neutral, some will not touch with a 10ft pole - the reason there's asexual umbrella categories is varying stuff like this alongside the whole 'no attraction', 'can only feel attraction under such and such conditions' etc), and regardless of if we interested in the physical stuff or not, we can still have romance, dating, marriage and all that regardless. The trick is just in finding potential partners who don't mind how slow we might be 'figuring things out', are willing to respect our boundaries, and understand that random things that might be normal/expected in other romances might be off the cards, pn top of all the usual 'can we actually stand being around each other in that way long term' things that every relationship out there has to deal with

@@FaisLittleWhiteRaven If you read the actual full post, you would have noticed me having demisexual traits. Meaning I value my emotional bond over physical traits, doesn't mean I don't have a type though. It just means it's less important. As for me knowing ace people exist? Yeah I live with a few. I know damn well what that entails. They still got a type of people they prefer over others though. Doesn't need to be put into a sexual context. It only was in this post because I was talking about what a healthy sexual romantic relationship looks like excluding all the other types you mentioned, because there's not enough conversation about what those healthy relationships look like. But you can take it out of the context too and broaden the aspects. Every day you walk down the streets or decide someone gets to be your friend you're judging people based on the concept of first impression. That first impression is your survival instinct warning you of danger or a potential ally in your life. You can try to take the moral high ground all you want saying we don't do that, cause that's morally incorrect. But honestly if you live your life without judging anyone, something I did up until my teens, means you're just gonna be an easier target for people with bad intentions. Actually I am the kinda person that had to learn those things consciously cause most people like me end up being the victim of crimes related to SA, murder and generalised discrimination more often than not. If I wasn't aware and taught about risks and red flags I might not even be here cause I would have definitely gotten into the van of some random dude to show him the way to where he needs to go. I don't wanna be a number on the news and neither do you so you judge people to deem them okay or not okay. Even as an ace you're gonna do those things.

upvoted because i don't know if this is true but it's funny

​@@mjamin9124The original Olympics by the Greeks was done naked, so yeah.

'Scrolled down specifically to find this. XD

gym is from the word gymnasium which means to train naked, the gymnasiums were places where people could train (naked or with a loincloth) learn wrestling and even debate about phylosophy or academics in general (because ancient greeks used to debate about philosophy and academics almost everywhere) source: i am greek and i was thought those things in middle school which in greek is called γυμνασιο (gymnasio) which is a little fun fact on its own

Yeah that sounds like the ancient Greek

That's kinda my vantage point. There's the adage "swear like a sailor". Well, in my house it was "swear like a firefighter". Because, when they're on the job, it can be pretty fitting to swear when you're fighting for your life and others', can't it? I'm not one to swear, but I will say "shit" if I really mean it. If you hear me say "fuck" you KNOW things are serious. So, don't devalue the meaning of these emphasis words. Not everything is that serious that it needs to be peppered with it. (Your everyday life is not that important.)

​​​@@Ayverie4well if i say shit in my life to myself is it still "over used?" Who am i upsetting?.... Like when i stub my toe, I'm not fighting for my life but god damn does it hurt, so shit or fuck expresses my feelings there. Still, i don't think it is that serious when a friend says shit when things don't work out.. i understand that in professional settings you should absolutely avoid it... But in your everyday life, i see it as smth not that big to be angry about

​@@Ayverie4 I also do not swear on a regular basis (have been known to say shit on occasion when an expletive was necessary). Managed to stop a room by returning from my afternoon run once on a Friday (I drive a school bus) and announcing "this has been a day from Hell". Dispatcher, manager, and 3 other drivers all stopped their conversations and looked at me. I didn't even consider that swearing but it got attention that I wouldn't have gotten if I used the language that was common to everyone around me.

​@@Ayverie4if I'm serious I say worse things than just swearing

Same here, I have no clue why

Is it even controversal? I don't really see people talking about it anywhere, everyone just seems to have their own Routine on when they shower. It's just that once every 2 days isn't enough for some people.

Yep. Men worry about being rejected or laughed at when going on a date, while women worry about being raped or killed when going on a date.

My male friend thanked me for laying this point out for him. He was generally anxious about getting older and not having a marriage prospect yet. He was complaining how these girls would talk to him well enough but not want to just go ahead and meet him in person. He was definitely rushing it. On average, women are weaker and smaller than most men physically, so the likelihood we can defend ourselves if something bad happens is way less. Same reason there are weight classes in fighting sports. He said he wasn't a bad guy who was going to hurt them, but random women dont know him or his actual intentions. So it may take time to try to get a personality read on a person. My friend ended up marrying a girl after 6 months that he met online. We found it odd but support him anyways.

Honestly that’s where I thought the person in the video would go with their post.

I feel so bad for my brother because I'm pretty sure he gives off dangerous vibes to women, even though I know he's just a criminally awkward guy. Like, I can't blame women for being worried about his intentions, the few times I've seen him talking to girls. But he just so badly wants literally any affection and attention. And sadly, it leads him deeper into the behavior that makes him seem dangerous.

YES EXACTLY

my spice-loving ass was laughing and fuming at the same time

I don't like spicy food, cause all of my body is sensitive, but I can add some spice to the dish. I love Asian cuisine but it becomes a problem when I want to choose an interesting dish. It can have 1 level of spice but it's a high chance it will be too spicy, cause Asian restaurants have different perception of spiciness from mine.

Deltarune disagrees

Lol, I will suffer through the spice if I find a dish really tasty. I can handle it up to a certain level before I reach for a milkshake.

I wouldn't say that spice isn't a flavor because there is no doubt that adding some spice changes a whole dish. Brings out different parts of the meal/food

Not to mention abstract skills that either can’t be taught or must be taught in person, like certain kinds of analyzing “what’s the problem with this?” Or they don’t have the gentle touch or relevant dexterity to carry out the repair. Other times, it’s perfectly teachable (or independently learnable), but requires specific knowledge that’s not practical to find via search. Such that some graphical issue that’s hard or impossible to turn into search keywords is caused by a particular thing. Or weird error messages: I’m a programmer/software developer, so I know how the different parts of a computer are assembled (logical view, not physical assembly). A number of the blue-screen error I’ve seen are like “okay, I understand why that caused a crash, but why did you try to do that? while others were like “…the fuck?” Examples: IRQL_NOT_LESS_OR_EQUAL: okay, that happened, which means bad state, so system crash. REFERENCE_BY_POINTER: the hell you mean that’s why I’m looking at the blue screen of death? VIDEO_SCHEDULER_INTERNAL_ERROR: oookay, so something I’m doing made that break… VK_ERROR_DEVICE_LOST: why Detroit crashed: okay, GPU probably loose. Oh, and there are some things where you really just ought to pay for a professional, like your home’s wiring. In… probably Freshman year, one of my dorm mates had a laptop charger that wasn’t working. I examined it, and determined that (likely due to an impact) the outer metal sleeve had been partially unseated from the rubber, such that it stuck out too far for the pin in the center to make contact, and possibly was no longer parallel with said pin. So I got a pair of pliers (both for grip and because, IIRC, my tool dexterity is better than my finger dexterity), and carefully pushed it back into place. Boom, worked.

Exactly. And now with so many things falling under 'planned obsolescence' because companies want to make more money, it's even more difficult (on purpose) to fix certain types of things. iPhone screens shatter super easily if you try to replace the battery (I remember when it was easy to just replace a phone battery anyway, now you need a whole new set of tools and know-how). In my last car, everything in the engine was tetris'd in so crazily I would have to take apart multiple things to get to the part I needed to fix, which increased the chance of making a mistake. So it was safer to pay someone who knew what they were doing get the job done. I'm all for fixing things vs replacing, but so many companies are going out of their way to make that the worst/most expensive/riskiest option, and that really makes me mad.

Yea really. People who say stuff like that are stupid

Why schools should teach kids basic home repair skills and tool use. Nobody should be locked out of this because their parents couldn't afford the tools to fix their belongings.

Seriously, and as someone who never lived in a home that my family owned we also were not expected to do those kinds of repairs. The landlord probably would have had a fit if we tried to fix an issue ourselves. And I bet there are plenty of skills that these "repair gurus" DON'T have because it wasn't useful to them, but they would be pissed if someone called them lazy and incompetent for I dunno... not knowing how to sew clothing from scratch or how to blacksmith or how to code a website or something. Society NEEDS people with different skills, that's how the whole damn things functions. No one person can be good at everything, and that's NORMAL.

I like to think they aren’t anti divorce, they are pro murder. If the only way out of a marriage for a woman is the death of her husband, there will be many more “unexplained” deaths of married men.

It’s creepy! I totally agree! If someone’s trapped in an abusive relationship they should be allowed to divorce! Same as the abortion issue. If a child got raped, they need an abortion. Or if the fetus is dead abortions should be allowed.

I think this is just the illusion of the video, click will mostly read the good comments with arguments and reasoning since those are interesting and leave the flame war unread

Yeah. The first 2 controversial posts listed i absolutely dont agree with overall, but i do see the points of the respective OPs.. and id probably upvote the posts if id seen them, because they are "ACTUAL" hot takes so to speak. ...many people tend to play it safe when asked for hot takes, cuss theyre afraid to get burnt... like im not comfortable with doing them anymore because ive gotten burnt.

@@moritzbayer5658 That's what I figure, though I wish the flaming wasn't so common to the point that people can just add fuel to the fire without a second thought. That's just how it is though, I get it, but I don't have to like it.

Since when are all the facts people have conspiracy theories about the sole property of the government? The government didn’t tell me the Earth is round. Eratosthenes did. 4000 years ago.

I don't think not believing in any specific conspiracy and thinking that the government is completely honest is equivalent. I don't believe in any specific conspiracy theories because none of the conspiracy theories I've seen have sufficient evidence. They might be possible but being possible doesn't mean it's true. However, the government has definitely been shady and dishonest in the past and I'm confident that they are now

It's also because your immune system needs to come in contact with new diseases to keep developing ways to fight them or it becomes weaker and might even start targeting innocuous substances. Basically, some research suggests allergies might be caused by us being to clean and in to sterile of an environment.

your skinn is slightly acidic. soap is alkaline and destroys the acidic barrier (your skinnn kind of needs). and if you don't have increadably oily skinn... all over your body and not just in the face... going at it with soap every day will also dry it out and you will have to use a lot of body lotion. yea.. I've heard dermatologists rage about that. in the end it's really individual. everyone got to test out what's best for their own body.. but soap and washcloth for the smelly bits every day and a full on shower 3 or only 2 times a week (washing hair seperately if needed) can be a good way to go. I get the impression that people forget that you can wash yourself without having to take a full on shower. soap and washcloth. also PH neutral "soaps" (technickly they aren't soaps but they do the same job) are worth trying. to be honest.. I don't think anyone I know showeres absolutely every day.

I thiiiiiiink it's closer to "don't use soap everyday", like you can just use clear water every other day, but I can't remember where I read that so take it with a grain of salt. In any case it depends a lot on the individual

Yep. I told my dermatologist I only showered twice a week and she just told me to keep it up because my skin was doing so much better.

Honestly love the idea!

That's literally handfasting. I'm pagan, and a lot of people in my religion do this for a year before marriage.

Okay, so your idea is a special kind of engagement? Like a forced time of being only engaged because it turns into a marriage? Honestly, should just be logical sense to wait this time until doing this step. I find it crazy how fast people marry.

If people actually declared themselves common-law, they'd have the legal stuff anyway. People are just odd and claim themselves single despite being in a relationship like 3 years.

I read somewhere (can't remember where and you can take this with a grain of salt) that it takes about 4 years to really, truly know everything about a person. For me, waiting that long before even getting engaged seems reasonable. Marriage *IS* a very big commitment. You are committing yourself to one person, presumably for like. You live together, potentially share bank accounts (if that's what you want), and if you decide to have kids, are going to be parenting them together and responsible for their well-being and existence. Why the *hell* would anyone want to make that big of a decision after just a year? Part of me gets why; when two people are head over heels for each other, especially if they fell fast and hard, it's understandable to want to tie the knot right away. And I'm not saying these relationships never work 100% of the time. But to me it is absolutely bonkers to decide to make a lifelong commitment to each other after only being together for a year, maybe less. And some people start doing this at 19!! Like, no wonder you're 22 and divorced.You decided to MARRY someone after only knowing them for a year or less. People don't seem to realize the gravity of the situation until they're signing the divorce papers.

I like this post, because all the other posts are less insightful! 😉

Yeah, that’s pretty true. I remember seeing a post about the different models of female genitalia, since there’s a weirdly intense degree of shame put on women for having anything other than let’s say the “tulip” 🌷 model that you see in a lot of p0rn. TBH I’m a woman and I didn’t know there were different models for a long part of my life since that was the main kind I’d see (I don’t watch p0rn but I’d see it once in a blue moon) and that’s the kind I have, so I just though that’s what they look like 🤷🏻‍♀️, but now I know and they’re all fine and it doesn’t say anything about how s*xually experienced you are or anything like that, there’s just a variety of different looks. But I saw a thread once that was talking about not shaming women for having another model, like the more ruffled looking ones (I think that’s visible internal labia? I’m not 100% sure) and that’s all good, I support that, people shouldn’t be feeling like sh!t because of how their genitals look - but holy crap, did the comments get straight up vitriolic SO FAST against the more “conventionally attractive” model. Women were like “Any guy who wants some neat and tidy little taco is a ped0!” And “That other kind looks like a mannequin/doll/little girl!” Like cool, yeah, make people with the more standard model of vulva feel like the only guys who find them attractive are perverts, that’s a great way to show how you’re in favour of destigmatizing genitals/ against shaming 🤦🏻‍♀️ Or another post I saw had a model talking about having unusual features, like stick out ears, far apart eyes, or gap teeth, can be a good thing if you want to be a model because plenty of fashion models have more unusual features like that, and then the comments were full of people crapping on conventionally attractive people, calling them boring and even ugly. Like wow, so you got a tiny breath of fresh air by hearing someone say that your big ears don’t make you ugly, and the automatic response was to immediately sh!t on people who don’t look like you?? 😠

I agree with most of your comment; however, there is no “standard” model of vulva. Many porn actresses get plastic surgery on their vulvas to make them into the tiny tulip type, which is a problem.

​@@eskarina1000 you just described standardization

It’s because they themselves are shallow, vain self absorbed people. There’s a reason hypocrisy is the most easily recognized signifier of someone having a fundamentally wrong, irredeemable personality.

my parents divorced when I was 2 because they started to argue. My childhood was probably much better because of it.(I live in the UK)

Same. My parents were better off divorced, especially since they were forced into marriage by my mother's parents because she got pregnant by accident. The highest rate of divorce is, interestingly, amongst straight conservative couples over 40.

OMG. My parents (boomers) split after almost 40 years. My mom's friends were all asking how she did it. Some of my sister's peers are now getting divorced instead of dying together miserable.

I'm in the camp where my parents argued, and I wished they would have gotten a divorce. Being stuck in the middle of that toxic household really screwed over my childhood, kept me locked in my room all the time. Worst part is, my brother is now married, and has 3 kids. His wife has cheated on him, multiple times, with the same guy, in their own house. I've always shot the idea that he should get divorced, but he says he won't do it because our parents didn't, and he looked up to my dad. Really makes me feel for my niece and nephews.

Yeah, my parents divorced when I was 5. Once I was old enough to understand. I was very glad they divorced. My mother would have been awful for my dad. And we would have been in financial strife much longer with her spending problems. She wanted a bestie to go shopping with. Not a baby. Whereas with them divorced. Yes, it was hard for my dad. But.. I got to grow up with one very loving parent who had more room without being in a horrible relationship. I didn't have to grow up with fighting or bickering. As much as I'm still bitter at my mother. I'm still greatfull they separated.

think it's cause of the messed up relationship most people see. Though there are benefits to marriage that I personally feel like I have to think on thanks to laws in this country. First and foremost for me, is the visitation rights part. You can only visit someone in the hospital if you're recognized as direct family, parents or siblings or if you are the spouse. If they had a way out of that, where I live, I wouldn't get married either. But my partner has been in the hospital before and I wasn't allowed to visit and that's the most terrifying experience in my life because you know nothing.

I do wish that people were taught more about analyzing what they want and/or need in a relationship and how to find someone that fits and how to communicate those desires and boundaries. My parents spent a number of years doing workshops on communication and interpersonal skills, my mother was both a teacher herself and taught teachers, and my dad taught individual and group dynamics and counseling. We got asked questions about what we want, what would we do if someone started hitting us (or even running over some nonphysical boundary), how would we tell someone that this example happened, how would we negotiate and communicate clearly if there was a disagreement about something, how to search for underlying needs that were being met by the surface social games (whether the game was useful or beneficial was a different question), etc. The oldest under this system have both been married 38 years. Three years younger got married (after several years dating) during COVID and is blissfully happy now but had much earlier broken up with someone whose job prevented them from devoting the time they wanted from a partner. Youngest is divorced but that was initiated by spouse and I think there was a mismatch there but unsure if that was because by that time my parents were not being as explicit about it or because spouse got taught none of that and didn't choose someone who fit what they really wanted.

Honestly the perspective on rushing marriage is actually changing in some places. The ages of getting married here are getting higher. However, a whole lot of people still get married for the wrong reasons. Aka, my stepbro married his first wife because that'd fix all his problems in his mind. They got divorced not even a year later because of course, marriage didn't fix the relationship issues, if anything, they got worse. Now he's got a new girlfriend and two kids, because he thinks having kids will solve his problems there. It's not solving his problems there to be fair. But whatever. I just find him weird for thinking that way. Surprisingly though, he's not the only person I know that thinks that way. And looking into why people get married that's often a believe too. Thanks to all the movies portraying marriage as a magical fix and people wanting to believe that it works.

I hope you have found happiness regardless. Your daughters have a great role model for strength, it seems.

@@DangerSquiggles I’ve had a couple bad relationships after their dad, but I was in counseling all through the last one and am still in counseling now. I finally found a great guy with healthy boundaries. He’s his own person with his own whole life and doesn’t rely on me for all of his needs. He even cooks, cleans, and works harder than I do! We were friends for 9 years before we started dating so we had a good base to start from as well. Counseling has even helped me talk about my marriage with the twins’ dad without breaking out into hives or having a panic attack.

@@DangerSquiggles oh! I even have the girls in counseling because I’ve noticed their dad gaslighting them and they were being bullied at school so now they’re full of self doubt and really self conscious. It absolutely breaks my heart and I refuse to let them follow my path.

Damn what shit-heads. I hope you live a good life now!

Sounds like a nightmare. Wish you the best for your, and your daughters, future!

yeah i literally started yelling "YOUR NEIGHBOR RYAN IN THE APARTMENT BELOW PISSES IN THE STAIRWELL AND YOU DON'T SAY ANYTHING!" Don't know if the guy has a neighbor named Ryan or if he lives in an apartment building, but the point stands. It's a really bad defense.

Most homeless people are genuinely good and kind. When they act crazy, it's because they are having a mental break from all the suffering they have to endure. It's the same phenomenon as most Karens, the stress got to be too much and they're lashing out like a caged animal. If anything, I think the suffering endured by homeless people makes them more compassionate. I remember hearing about a thing where a guy was giving money to people on the street, and the well off looking people were offended and acted rudely to the gesture, whereas the poorer looking people told him to keep it, because they know what it's like to go without, and don't want to take food from someone else's mouth.

@@ouroborosjormungandr5615Yeah, my friend was homeless for a month or so. They (her, daughter, & pets) weren’t even sleeping in the street. Just bounced around friends’ home, hotels, & sometimes slept in the car. She said that one month almost broke her psychologically.

I was listening to that entire rant and all I could think was 'there's a better solution to this: give them homes!'

@@schrodingerscat3741 The problem with that is in the reason those people are homeless in the first place. If it's really just a temporary lack of money, then yes, that would help. If they are homeless because they are in an addiction spiral, living on their own in a flat/house/whatever won't do them any good and they won't ever be able to keep to the conditions attached to the social housing. It's like the "teach a man to fish" thing. They don't need a home, they need to (re)learn how to have and live in a home.

I used to have a pretty high sexdrive in my 20s and the thing that frustrated me was that sure I got matches, but non of them where viable. Like to bang a dude so many of them wanted me to _completely_ disregard my personal saftey or means of employment? Like they couldn't just meet up for a beer with the probobility of banging, they wanted my company name to bang in the bathroom there, or my home adress before we meet etc (and start hurling abuse when I said no). Like the amount of dudes that cockblock themselfs by having serialkiller vibes. That's not actually a viable dating or hookup option. No matter how horny I am. They claim they want to get laid but they make themselfs unfuckable.

See it is more that they find its okay when they have insanely high standards but it's wrong for women to have any. The number of times I've seen memes where it's labeled about a woman being depressed about being lonely but mention how "80" (I don't know why but that's litterally almost always the specific number I see listed on various memes) asked them out or tried to have sex with them. Then they would get all upset when women would explain exactly what is wrong with that. (My favorite meme response that has become popular is the where it's like complaining that you're hungry when there is a Hotdog on the ground. These guys get pretty mad a that one and try so hard to refute it.)

I'm sure there's plenty of not very attractive women who'd love to get some attention ^.^ But you're right they don't see them as people. They don't see attractive women as people either, but the difference is they want to bang the hot ones.

What gets me is how some people argue that more women than men hook up or women average higher body counts. Like assuming everyone is het.... who are they hooking up with?

Agree

I was under 3yo when my (teen parent) folks split up and Im so much better for it! Ive grown to know mom and dad as separate people, their personalities are soooo different, yet both are stubborn to the bitter end.. instead of gasoline & match, its like napalm & flamethrower. I just cant see how it ever worked to get me starting to hatch, these are two humans who were never meant to be together. My childhood wouldve been horrible, if divorce wouldnt have been an option. I seriously dont wanna even think about that possibility.. sometimes breaking up is just the smart move, *especially* for the kids sake. Ps. Mom & dad were super civil about each other afterwards, I never heard them badmouthing or disrespecting the other in front of me. For that Im forever grateful, they did a solid for me.

Me and my ex split before our daughter was born. I'm sure some people would consider us terrible for doing that, but it's way better than staying together "for the child", when it's obvious to everyone we don't belong together. Especially because I found out I never want to have a relationship anyway.

My ex and I split before our son was born as well and it was the best thing for all 3 of us. We became quite close friends the last few years of his life (he died this time last year) and I still miss him every day and I know that wouldn't be the case had we stayed together. We would have resented or even hated each other if we tried to force it for our kid's sake.

I was part of a... I guess you can call it a family, that did the whole "for the kids" schtick and I wish they'd gotten divorced, or mom had tried sooner because it was a very toxic household and it helped no one, though our mother tried to make the best of things with her agoraphobia and his very overbearing attitude (and he did encourage her illness) so yeah... Divorce is obviously a thing that should be allowed and the anti divorce and pro marriage culture is part of the reason why I have no interest in dating since people sometimes simply change or drift apart but I'm honestly scared of the other times where they hide their true nature until after the vows are said, because a small chance is still a chance. Though I'm also my mother's child, but my anxiety issues are generally fairly manageable these days at least

Also, IIRC, only like 11% of women even orgasm with a hookup.

So it's more that certain people are really bad at marriage but insist on doing it over and over again

WOAH

Almost like... people that were bad at selecting one partner are more likely to repeat their mistake.

I don't remember where but I read a story about a couple in the US who divorced so Medicaid would cover anti rejection medication for their sons transplanted organ

Even higher if they cheated...

i'm almost glad i have digestion issues because it gives me a really good excuse that most people don't push

Well, that's because people who don't like spicy food are _weak!_ Kidding. I live in an area, and was born into a family, where spicy food is extremely popular, and I myself love it. But here's the thing about a lot of spicy foods (not all, but a lot): You can cook them with minimal spiciness for people who don't like spice, and then add additional flavor to yours after the fact. I think the "pain is not a flavor" line, while funny, shows someone who doesn't understand spicy food's appeal (and that's fine! Not everyone has to find it appealing.) I don't think anyone who enjoys spicy foods sits down and says "Alright! Let's hurt ourselves!" It's not the "pain" that is appealing. Once you get used to the spice, as Click said, it's the _flavor_ that we love. There actually is a point, in my opinion, where there's too much heat involved, and you can't taste the flavor anymore because the heat is killing your taste buds. I can eat chicken wings drowned in a nice, flavorful hot sauce all day long, but some of those sauces out there with ridiculously high heat ratings don't even taste good... they're just for masochists trying to show how tough they are. I can handle the heat from some of them, but they taste horrible. The heat really is the only selling point, and that's just dumb.

My partner sometimes teases me about liking food 'too plain'. He's loves spicy stuff, I can't handle it. Even 'mild' is problematic sometimes. I also don't get a lot of sauces on things, like nuggets. Of course, I like flavor, I just don't like heat. As I've said before to him 'good fries are able to stand on their own, good ketchup compliments the fries without drowning them. Unless you put way too much on. That's a different problem'. Oddly enough, I have tried authentic Indian curry and, while very spicy, didn't have the painful side effects I get any time I've accidentally eaten something with peppers, especially habaneros.

Tbh the whole idea that you "need" to like spicey food is just, so weird, like I personally like some spicey stuff because I grew up with pickled jalapenos being added to multiple dishes and occassionally eating them as-is and that's fine, but everyone has a different tolerance level and it does need to be built up to a degree. Also, there is definitely a point where spice becomes pure capsaicin and no flavor at all and it's perfectly reasonable to dislike that, tbf ghost peppers were the worst imo because it's all the chemical that causes a pain response and nothing else when I just want an interesting flavor. I have to wonder about that poster though and if they don't actually understand what they're doing and are overusing spices because just a trace is usually good for low tolerance people to try and little enough can be easily added with no real difference other then a hint of something new in the dish so part of their problem might be being misguided, which I feel bad for them if so. Tbf I have a friend who I started buying disposable gloves for because she can eat peppers and we both like jalapeno poppers but she can't touch the raw peppers without getting mild hives, though we haven't cooked that in a hot minute. People should know their limits though and not force themself to do something that's giving them negative results just because one person said so though, more then anything else. Like the shit ain't for everyone and it's fine guys

yeah, it's the same with alcohol, so many people will just pressure or ridicule you bc they can't understand how you can dislike something they like! we all have different preferences and a lot of it comes from what we ate as kids, but there's also things like sensory issues, add all that together and something you love and be completely inedible to sb else and forcing sb to like what you like never works well just bc something is liked by a big portion of the population does not make is good for everyone and people need to respect that instead of getting defensive, nobody is insulting you by saying they personally don't like the food you like

Its also bad when people use ai to put a persons face on a video that isn't them. I heard people get their faces on 🌽orn by ai.

At my company all that happens is the artist learned how to use the AI and incorporate it into their art. I really don't understand why this isn't the norm.

Its great to use as reference material- such as when you need a mood/inspiration board. I think the only issue is when you start trying to make money off of it.

​@@Gin_isnotmynameI remember stuff like that happening back in the 2000s (just done by video editors manually rather than automated by AI tools) so humans have just always sucked 😅

Isn't that a bit hypocritical? You call it a tool and the very purpose of a tool is to make work easier, allow more work to be done in the same time and ultimately require less workers, especially when those tools grow into full-on machines. An AI providing people with cheap, automated images is the same as industrial looms providing people with cheap, off the shelf clothing or cameras providing people with cheap, instant portraits. It's just part of increasing automation. There are still people making custom clothes, still people who make portraits (in actual paint or as professional photographers) and there will also still be people making custom art. Before this new "AI" wave I wouldn't have paid an artist for somthing that I could do myself in MS-paint. Now I just have a new tool that I can do stuff myself with. In the end, if you fear to be replaced in your job, it's just like with any other job: make yourself invaluable, learn to make use of the new situation, find things you can do that your replacement couldn't do and continue on showcasing that. And anyone using digital tools for their art is already relying heavily on "AI", be that a simple "fill this space with a color" or a complex curve. This is simply the next generation of that, making your work easier and allowing you to spend your times on those details that the AI couldn't do. Turning an AI-Image into actual art. And just to be clear - there is no actual AI as of yet. THAT would open up a whole other can of worms of philosophical and legal questions.

Taxes I guess? 😂 Idk, I'm concerned bc I care about people's mental health and know how distressing a bad marriage and divorce can be. My sister was divorced and it didn't get any easier for her mental health for several years after. Between child custody and him being super difficult, I'm amazed she pushed through.

Honestly, I'm not surprised. Dating is hard enough for straight people; I can't imagine how difficult it is to find someone wanting a relationship that also happens to be gay. I hope you have better success in the future, dude ❤

You're sure to find a subreddit for that. Definitely give it a try.

i found most my luck just stumbling into fellow gays who happen to click, instead of going in with dating as a goal, but that works for straights as well, the "old" fashion of meeting someone via common interests and/or hobbies, becoming friends and possibly more, at worst you gain a new friend, at best a partner

As a bisexual woman, I agree with you. I'm completely okay to not date anyone, but still, I have a bad luck from both sides: you don't know is the guy not a creep, and is the girl non-straight as you or won't she do something bad with you if you out yourself (many homophobic women harass, stalk and do many horrible things to non-straight women).

I like to tell my friends when they complain about dating to "try dating as a queer, handicapped schizophrenic sometime," because it's not easy. But they know that it's just a joke. I don't think dating is easy for _anyone_ in our current culture. I can't speak for the past, but there's so much going on in everyone's lives now, and so much weird misinformation and/or strange stereotypes floating around on social media these days, I think it's a mess for all of us.

Yeah. I think most people genuinely have a sense of when/how often they need a shower. Too much of anything can be bad. I used to work at a warehouse, that's work that makes you need to shower every day. If it's not sweat, it's dirt, if it's not dirt, you saw a smashed roach in plastic that had never been opened at your facility, thank goodness. Now that I'm not doing as strenuous work there's some days especially on days off where I didn't do much or even go outside and genuinely don't need a shower. sometimes depending on the season a shower can help reset your temperature too. Like a cool shower in the summer can give you a slight heat resistance. Or a warm shower in the winter can make it so that your hands and feet can readjust to your body temperature so you aren't cold for the rest of the day

It is correct, but also not quite. What damages the skin and removed the oil predominantly is when you shower HOT, LONG and with SOAP every day. Those stress and dry out the skin if you do them daily. Just taking a quick shower with moderate temperature and without soap every day doesn't damage your skin nearly as much and helps you get rid of the very basic dirt, like sweat and dead skin cells, on your skin. So the advice I'd give is to just reduce the amount of times you use soap and wash your hair during showers. You can still have your 30 minute, scalding shower where you scrub yourself with a loofer and soap. Just for the love of god, don't do it daily.

I see your point, but it should be considered that even if you don't have a really dirty job, it's still a really individual thing. I have had people get genuinely Angry at me when I tell them I shower everyday, never considering how easy a 3 - 4 minute neutral-cold temperature shower is. I have a couple things with my skin and it's the easiest way to manage it, but so many people get angry for such a little thing (I also have brightly dyed hair, which I just tie up to keep out of the water and wash every 2 or 3 times a week). As for showering multiple times a day, I get why it sounds so bad, but again it's just different for someone people. I have sensory issues and when I'm traveling, sometimes the air can feel very different on my skin in a negative way that I can't really explain. I belive my record is 4 or 5 short showers in one day, because the air just felt so horrible on my skin and that was the only way I could fix it. I get why and that it's not effective for everyone, but it's super individual so just let people live their life.

@@BlueJay2232 no yeah I totally get the sensory issues thing I hate feeling dirty. But like In my experience I’ve only ever seen people shame those who shower less for being “dirty and gross” and not the other way around unless it’s the shower less often folks defending themselves. Showering should be an individual thing because everyone’s bodies and lifestyles are different.

It’s all about balancing it. If someone takes 2 long hot showers a day it’s bad. But if they only shower every 3 days it’s bad. I just kinda shower when I need one. If I’m filthy in the morning and afternoon I’m gonna shower twice. But if I just chilled all day I don’t shower that day.

This topic is highly interesting to me, do you know of any scholarly/research papers or studies on this?

I do 3-4 times a week, every second day really. Sometimes I have to shower more because of exercise or a hot day, and sometimes it's less because I lazed around all day and really it can wait one more.

​@@wyattjohnson5181 I do you should be able to find lots of papers on Google scholar. It was a really popular topic during COVID-19.

I shower every two days, every time I shower I wash my hair twice with shampoo, and I wash myself thoroughly, I'm quite healthy and every time I try showering more I get sick and such

@@Nakia11798Yh, I relate

You are so lucky to be both! It's so difficult being ace but not aro. Finding a romantic partner who's okay with me not being sexually into them was like finding a needle in a haystack.

@@Nakia11798 It's nice but it's also kind of lonely. No one ever wants to just hang out as friends. I really wanted to do Horror Nights this year but I couldn't find anyone to go with me because none of my friends' partners wanted to go so they didn't want to go. Like more often than not I don't get invited and when I do I'm the 3rd wheel that gets completely ignored.

@@KassMcCormack That's not because you're aro-ace, that's because your friends' partners are possessive. Or maybe your friends are just all really clingy? Either way, I have no problem doing stuff with my friends, regardless if their partners are coming or not. I might not be ace, but I certainly am aromantic so I'm never getting a partner.

@@Nerobyrne it’s kind of a bit of both (clingy & possessive). I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of them actually single for more than a week. One of them literally moved from one partner’s house directly into the next one’s.

@@KassMcCormack oof yeah that sounds pretty bad lol. The exact opposite of me, I'm aro but not ace, so I am just single ^^

I see you and I feel your pain. I don’t like my picture taken either, but on rare occasion I’m like “damn, I’d really would like someone to take a picture of me doing this silly thing” you know? That once in a blue moon feeling of ok, today, right now, I could do that and wouldn’t mind.

I love taking pictures because I want to remember things and also sometimes because I'm scared of forgetting things and people in the future. Obviously it's fine if you don't want your picture taken but if someone asks to take pictures with you its not necessarily just about the picture it's more about having something to look back on in the future

@@Aldurtz yeah i get it. It's mostly some people being so forcibly adamant about it even if you absolutely don't feel like it on that day that you feel like you can't even give half of an inch, you know?

As i've grown to like my body and how i look more, i find myself taking more mirror selfies. I don’t think that makes me narcissistic, it just helps me see my progress as i learn to not hate myself.

@@Scarlett.Granger oh yeah, and you think “didn’t i just say no? Wtf, why you keep insisting?”

As ironic as that sounds, I think it's necessary here to keep in mind that "these homeless people" are quite the mixed group. There is those who somewhat respectably try to get along and would likely be able to get back into a normal life, if given the chance, but for one reason or another can't afford housing, who people have pity with. And then there are those who seem fully lost to society, who would need to be forced into a closed rehab to ever have a chance of a life without their addictions or other issues that drove and forever keep them on the street. Those would be the ones the post is describing.

To be fair, I wouldn't want to see some dangerous substances near my younger brothers or future kids... No, I am not saying all homeless people are drug addicts. I would rather not risk my loved ones getting harmed by a possible nearby addict.

@@lukasr5867 Plus there's people I'm sure who even perhaps enjoy it in a way, Probably not many but I'm sure their out there

...and it's totally valid that he wants to feel safe in his home - everybody does. Even those homeless people. I bet they'd prefer a safe space to use drugs as well.

@@hopejohnson6347 " a safe space to use drugs" - that would be a detox clinic, but apparently they don't want to go their either. In the end there is no safe space to use drugs, because you always bring the danger with you. There is only a safe space to slowly try and get rid of that addiction.

I was straight up told by my doctor NOT to shower every day because it makes my skin dry to the point that I bleed. And less importantly by my hairdresser because it makes my hair dry and papery.

@@hmnhntr Thanks for sharing your experience. The hair thing also reminds me that many people wash their gair every time they shower, so I'm going to edit the comment to also mention that.

I wash my hair daily. I did try skipping every other day though, but that resulted in an unbearably itchy scalp. I should mention I use dandruff shampoo for, well, dandruff and that's likely why. I should also mention I have 1C hair (coarse, bone-straight Asian hair) if that matters.

@@evarinagarmguardian113 Idk much about whether the hair type matters or not, I'm not very informed and all my family are European. If this helps, a well-known brand that I've heard hairdressers recommend is H&S, so if whatever you are using isn't that and is giving you problems with your hair, maybe give it a try, or just try different shampoos. I myself don't have dandruff (or ig it could be considered dandruff?), but I do have something simmilar in appearance (though what I have is just that my skin flakes off and looks white, or sometimes brown, like scab); for me, dandruff shampoos do nothing at all (if anything, they make it worse, bc they irritate my skin), so, if you see nothing works anyway, maybe try normal shampoo for a while and see if you have more, less or the same dandruff. If it turns out dandruff shampoos indeed weren't working for you, I personally use "STMNT all-in-one cleanser", which is quite exfoliating and gets all that bad-looking scab/dandruff thing off my hair, temporarily.