Ranking Every Smash Bros Stage by How Safe It Is 

Download Asphalt Legends Unite now: gmlft.co/alu-j0rts Stay safe out there and keep an eye out for bowling balls. #asphaltlegendsunite #alupartner

my favorite part is how your mii looks like a nice respectable worker

I disagree with Luigi's Mansion rating, any house is unsafe if you go and destroy all the structural supports.

I'm not sure your analysis of these stages meets my standards for rigor and consistency. This Randy guy on the other hand, he seems like a sharp fellow. He's always showing initiative and investigating hazards face first.

“The fact that aliens exist here brings this to a 5.4/10.” Yeah, but did the aliens bring the score up or down? We need to know!

If we all ask j0rts to make a video about which fighter in Smash Ultimate is most safe, we can trick him into making a fighter tier list.

I really hope Randy gets good healthcare with this job.

The sequel to the unraveled OSHA violation video

For garden of hope, Olimar is conducting a construction business that isn't even authorised let alone safe He has the pikmin working for free with unsafe conditions and many have even died Especially working in unsafe conditions with the bulborbs walking around

Randy when he sees a ledge: Fare thee well my fine friends. Gravity calls to me

"What do you think randy?" Randy: *yeets himself off*

Somehow Randy walked enough that he randomly found his way to the safety team and just so happened to input enough right answers that the managed to get hired.

The safe inspector will be so happy after discovering you can turn off stage hazards!

My favorite part of this was watching Randy jumping off the edges of the stages and getting attacked by stage hazards 😂

When Randy spiked you.... I have never been so proud of an AI before.

AND HIS NAME IS Randy😂😂😂😂 2:35

I would trust randy to do my life choices taxes and transactions

Onett score deserved. Sincerely, someone hit by a car 20 weeks ago while walking a gravel shoulder.

Times when Randy chose violence 2:31 the drop kick 3:34 just straight up murder 4:33 pipe attack 5:08 the combo 1 6:07 what did the turtle do to you 8:26 bowling ball 1 10:44 ONE PUUUNCH 11:00 the combo 2 13:06 the numbers dont want you to see it 14:58 the up throw 16:18 RANDY YOU AREN'T HIM 16:37 first an ape now a crab... 19:29 what did the driver do to you 20:56 the failed combo 21:40 why did you attack an unknown creature 22:32 Randy attacks EVERYTHING 23:41 it kinda looks like randy pushed the cart towards j0rts 25:25 now he attacks a weird looking crab monster 26:08 he tried killing j0rts 26:42 the grass dont want you to see it he also kick the duck in the guts knocked the poor thing out cold 28:40 bowling ball 2 but with a bit of revenge 28:49 now randy wants revenge 29:40 the return of the drop kick 30:09 RANDY.....WANTS.....DESTRUCTION 31:11 bowling ball 3 32:37 the combo 3 33:02 randy hates friends 33:53 the final bowling ball Randy was soon arrested 24:27 and was charged for 16x assault 1x murder 8x animal abuse 2x property damage 3x attempted murder He was sentenced to death by electric chair

You gotta give credit to whoever was playing as randy for sticking to the role the entire time

I know it was edited, but Randy had peak comedic timing. Great video.

I usually watch these videos to relax before bed but the comedic timing of Randy kept me giggling too much. Reminded me of when I was at sleepovers supposed to be sleeping but too busy giggling. 9.1/10

Safety concerns I noticed that weren't covered: On Peach's Castle, (not to be confused with Princess Peach's Castle), you forgot to mention pinch points. If you trip and your fingers are on that stone platform, you could lose your hand or more, and then the rest of you might still fall anyway. In Green Greens, so of the apples that Whispy Woods drops are apparently so hard, that fighters would rather throw them as a weapon. There are normal apples as you would expect, and I could see someone doing dental damage if they get them mixed up. There's also nowhere to wash the apples. In Onnet, the drug store sign falls down often, and this creates an unclear egress path in front of the store. In Subcon- Huh? Oh. Okay. I'm getting word that this place is bizarrely named Mushroom Kingdom II. We'll have to put a pin in Peach's apparent thirst for conquest for now though, because all of the small squares the make up beings and terrain here seem to look pretty sharp, and I imagine this could cause some cuts to our more 3-dimensional lifeforms. Helicopter rotor blades in Fourside appear to be pretty close to the straight line fighters agree to fight upon. If anyone accidentally dips into that Z access at the wrong time, they could be diced into corpses. Main platform in Delphino Plaza has large grating holes that small fighters could trip in, potentially even twisting and breaking limbs. Does Master Hand even care about safety? Sand particles in Mushroomy Kingdom can irritate eyes, possibly even causing infections or leading to vision impairment. That could cause someone to not even notice the narrow pits. In Frigate Orpheon, the gravity switching could cause someone to seriously injure their head on a platform. In Pokémon Stadium 2, with the conveyor belts, I would like to remind you about pinch points. We don't exactly opt into these belts. Port Town Aero Drive's sky is beautiful, and that is not a good stage for such a stunning distraction. A safer time of day may be considered instead. Statues in Castle Siege are carelessly placed in the fighter path, and are destructible. Heavy stone could fall on someone as a result. There is a destructible floor in New Pork City directly over a death pit. An icicle on Icicle Mountain frequently forms, falls, and will damage anyone in its path. We all know about the hurricane that sends Pirate Ship into the air. In Electroplankton, the water cannot be swam in. It is a trap. Anyone without this knowledge will fall to their death. Golden Plains causes inflation, which isn't an immediate danger but will eventually endanger us all. Dream Land Game Boy will eventually feature death pits, but you are in a Game Boy so I don't exactly know where you end up. Mute City SNES, again, pixels are sharp. Coliseum leaves gears exposed, which is a recipe for accidental finger removal. The lack of machine guards here is critical. Super Mario Maker is highly unpredictable and sometimes features exposed lava. Conveyor belt pinch point. Ice possible. Spiral Mountain's spinning may cause dizziness or vertigo. Mishima's Dojo has the fire reasonably away from the action, but with the wooden walls breaking I fear the whole building can catch fire thanks to the possibility of planks of wood sailing through the torches.

OH MY GOD HES THROWING A SHOT PUT BALL

OSHA needs to hire this man

King of Fighters? More like King of Safety

Hello Mr.Jorts I hope this message finds you in good health, I'm Absolute Trash from our company's Customer Service Department and we've received a number of complaints from customers about some safety concerns over in Minecraftia. Some of the structures that customers had visited had some safety concerns of ours. We've had reports of TNT traps, crumbling bridges over lava, fish curses, hostile necromancers, and exorbitant prices for potatoes and want you to go check in on it for us. Thanks, Absolute Trash, Customer Service Manager. P.S. Isn't it a bit strange our company requires us to use our gamer tags?

Finally, the quality Smash content I've been craving

Randy got in Smash Bros. before Waluigi did.

20:14 That's no hologram, that's a deity!

Great Bay being one of the safest stages is incredibly ironic. I'm just saying.

"...keeping an absolute psychopath locked up..." How dare you shame my boy Randy like that!

How did i get into Channels that rank videogames by how safe they are and another one that states how high the unemployment rate is in citys of skyrim and pokemon?

1:07 "Erm... Actually, That is a Shot Put, a Shot Put is a (Insert Info of Shot Put Sport) ...and as a Mii Brawler Main, I am deeply offended"🤓 Great Video Dude, and I love seeing Randy!

wow i love your safety character interacting with Randy truly hilarious

I'm glad we have someone to continue BDG's work.

Yeah! Crossover time, baby! Btw, Randy is entirely necessary! He is there to show every possible safety concern you could randomly come across in every stage, from breakable platforms to random bowling balls being flung at you! 9/10

2:30 DUDE WHEN RANDY SPIKED YOU I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING FOR 2 MINUETS STRAIGHT, I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED LIKE THAT OVER AN AI/NPC SINCE I USED A GLITCH SO SEND PEOPLE INTO THE SKY IN TOTK

The Northan Cave Literally has a world ending meteor in the background, suprised it didn't get a 0/10

At least Randy is helping

The thing about the Mario maker stage is that its randomly generated, so the level of safeness from it can vary a lot

2:36 "Yeah hello? I'd like to report some workplace misconduct." 😂😂

6:13 "This stage is actually pretty safe" The moon:

11:10 J0rts: ok randy you may wanna stand in this saftey pod now Randy" *Jumps into lava*

2:40 is why i love randy 😂😂😂

At some point you should see how long randy survives in every zelda game.

Mason would be disappointed, not a single handrail

2:32 LOL🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 5:24 Did I hear Congo balls?

Do randy vs Brandom vs Randolph vs randrew on every stage in super smash bros Ultimate

"I give this a six point- *sees part of tower fall apart* -a 5.7 out of 10." 🤣🤣🤣

Randy is the type of guy who would be the first to die in a horror movie

Onett has clearly never heard about the Complete Streets safety program.

How did Randy get a job as a safety inspector? My guess is that he randomly applied with a randomly generated resumé, which tricked whatever algorithm was sorting applicants into offering him the job, which he randomly accepted.

Man watching this video is really helping me through this fever, had a lot of good laughs thank you j0rts

I’m glad that you and Randy are putting in the hard work for all of the safety enthusiasts out there

8:46 i love that theres litterally a drug store there and he just completly ignored it

2:51 He has a name. Don’t disrespect whispy like that

21:47 great to see randrew again.

I don’t think you should blame the stages for Randy’s workplace violence

Randy is the real danger

2:51 whispy woods 5:54 klaptrap 7:35 whispy woods (again.) 9:00 birdo 16:10 palkia 16:20 donkey kong 16:34 shellcreepers

My first thought clicking on this video: "King of Fighters Stadium is going to be rated really well."

33:05 I always love how if you actually fall down the stage Even If an opponent knocks you down there the dragon will actually say "You fell right into that one".

Glad to see Randy learned to do multiple inputs at once (I think)

2:36 I thought the video paused, and I had a phone call🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

Yoooooo! Randy surpassing frontierss

The moment I saw 5/10 for final destination, a stage with no hazards and a large flat surface, that was my comparison for everything else like pokemon stadium which transforms into a FIERY WASTELAND and getting a 5.6/10

Now we can fight to the death without worrying about any danger on the stages!

Your human costume at the end is so realistic!

Tomodachi Life, where there's a full fire escape in view: 7.0 Wii Fit Studio, which is a mostly empty room: 9.0 Golden Plains, with a big ol' hole in the floor: 9.7 j0rts, did Golden Plains bribe you to get that score?

5:55 crocodiles. Kremlings are based off of crocodiles and not alligators and it's the jungle so if it's based off of like African jungles then they're definitely crocodiles and not alligators which are in the Eastern parts of the Americas

0:35 pov randy: i don't want to live anymore

10:45 j0rts: what do you think, Randy? Randy: i think violence j0rts: ... ... ... 4.8 out of 10.

the fact that shadow moses island, a militaristic compound that houses mecha is safer than a goddamn living room is the funniest fucking shit to me

I hated Brinstar Dephts when I was a kid, I kept dying over and over. I'm glad it received the lowest score!

It’s crazy how Termina is one of the safest places despite the game being an apocalypse.

2:33 Randy: or he kills himself or he kills you if you are in his way

randy being a waluigi mii makes me remember waluigi needs to be in smash

You have no idea how happy I was when randy showed up,I hope he becomes a reoccurring character

15:50 it's the wind waker world. Randy, play on this baton. *hands over wind waker*

20:08 I could have sworn it was called Reset Bomb Fortress which that name would make a lot more sense

4:33 the fact he didnt mention the platforms can fall off is crazy

8:39 yooooo that Yellow house looks very familiar… like ive seen it somewhere else before. And looks like the exact same place except i cant put my finger on it *gets flashbacks of a Blue Haired Girl*

I love the parts where Randy beat him up They’re both hilarious

A lot of the gyms in pokemon also have pretty questionable safety, but it's probably not feasible for a video like this since you would have to play all the way through the games to get footage.

"I don't know what kind of fruit they're growing here but some of it explodes!" That's a durian and it's probably safer TO explode than to just chuck it since those things are like 20 lbs and covered in spikes. And smell terrible.

32:58 you're half right (spoiler for xenoblade Chronicles 2, so i won't explain), but the cloud sea has a similar density to water, and you can easily swim in it, also the "dragon's" name is Azurda.

I really like randy work ethic he deserves a raise

0:16 OUR BOY RANDY IS BACK!

9:04 shes called birdo

Randy went for the kill 2:32

directly into the movies folder

4:06 go to this time in the video to skip the sponsor

Best video ever and Randy should be in the next smash game as dlc or not dlc and a new playable fighter like isabelle

Now we just need the safety inspection video for Custom Stages, maybe the most popular ones?

Rank literally every single move, from least dangerous to most dangerous.

19:31 randy is a threat to society he is hitting innocent people with drop kicks rushes and bowling balls

When Randy spikes j0rts... I felt how absolutely flabbergasted j0rts was.

As a man named Randy, I felt called out for the random actions bit

2:10 j0rts, I think you need to call 911 after Randy’s major concussion here