Right? I’ve never had to deal with that firsthand because when my girlfriend cheated on me I broke up with her. but I see that every day with my dad and His girlfriend. I will never forgive her and I will never see her the same way. she constantly complains to me that my dad doesn’t trust her anymore, even after two years of it happening. she’s done nothing to regain that trust other than be here. she doesn’t understand that she needs to do more or really how much she hurt all of us. (my dad and my siblings and me.) I mean she literally had a child with this man and helped raise his children! her excuse was “she didn’t feel loved enough” and doesn’t at all see how that could affect us. The fight after my dad found out was loud, and scary. she made me believe it was his fault, my family has a past with domestic abuse with my mother. she made me believe that he attacked her without reason. I was so angry at him I couldn’t believe that he would do something like that because of course she conveniently forgot to mention she cheated on him. later I found out that she hit him. He only pushed her when she wouldn’t let him leave. she knows what my dad went through with my mother, and she still did that to him because she didn’t want to deal with her mistakes. I’m crying i am so angry right now it’s been almost 2 years but it still hurts.
Because they're narcissists. They're literally lying to their partners face 24-7 and most don't feel bad about it. Narcissists always think they're the victim.
The fact that someone could respond to their distrust with “oh that just makes me want to go do it again,” is a red flag of an emotionally immature person. If someone later on brings it up after you thought you had moved on, that calls for communication, not more distrust - which would ultimately prove their point.
A few points: -If you're a serial cheater and you don't like committed, monogamous relationships then DON'T BE IN ONE. Either find an open relationship that suits you or just be single! Why is this a hard concept?? -If cheating occurs in a relationship and you chose to stay together but there are resulting trust issues that are making the relationship toxic, the mature thing to do is just recognise that the damage done is irreparable and break up. -There's a difference between toxic and abusive relationships. If you fear for your safety at breaking up with someone that's understandable. And if meeting someone and beginning a healthy relationship gives you the strength and resources to leave abuse then that's great. But if you just have a shitty partner and cheat on them as a way to like..get back at them? Make them suffer? I don't see the point in that. Just break up.
illreadwhatshesreading just to respond to your first point (not defending the cheater AT ALL) but society sees people, especially women, who choose to stay single and not be monogamous as broken, damaged or they think that they don’t have respect for themselves or their bodies, which is bullsh*t, if they don’t like commitment, they don’t like commitment! I’m just saying that society likes to contradict itself by saying if they cannot commit they shouldn’t, then turning around and saying that people who don’t commit don’t respect themselves. However, cheating is awful and I would much rather someone be polygamous than a cheater, I’m just tryna help you understand, I guess? Idk, if you were aware of this already, you can just ignore it 🙈😅😅
@@laylaabrahams4291 totally get what you're saying, and it's shitty that society at large views people, esp women, in open relationships that way. Regardless though, still doesn't give you an excuse to cheat. It's not like cheaters have the best rep so I don't see how choosing to do that would make your social standing any better than having open relationships.
When I was in high school my best friend was in a toxic relationship that lasted for two years. At that time he started texting me really weird and flirty text. He tried to hold my hand several times and would touch my thighs and face. I felt really guilty because I thought the cheating was partially my fault. Looking back I see that I did nothing on my part so I don’t believe it was my fault. Plus, I’m gay so I wasn’t even attracted to him. Every time he touched me I told him it made me uncomfortable. I felt so bad for his girlfriend because I wasn’t the only girl he was flirting with at the time. I think he is the kind of person that should be in a open relationship because he just couldn’t be happy with one girl.
I thought this was going to be about cheating on tests and stuff like that so when Noah was talking about how he felt about cheating I was like woah your really passionate about this
i’ve never cheated on anyone but i’ve had three people cheat on their partner with me. two ‘forgot’ to tell me they were in a relationship, the third just straight up lied and said he was single. i feel absolutely terrible about it even though i didn’t know they were in relationships :(
This almost happened to me. I was gonna meet a guy, it ended up getting pushed back and back. Ended up getting a text from an acquaintance asking if I was talking to that guy, I said yes, turns out he was in a relationship with another person, but cheated on his partner with my acquaintance and he was emotionally cheating with me. That was very crappy and I was very happy that I didn't meet him IRL.
I’m polyamorous but I’m in a monogamous relationship with someone who I think is my soulmate. They’ve expressed they’re not comfortable with me being polyamorous while we’re together and I fully respect that and I would never ever EVER cheat. Cheating isn’t about being polyamorous, and it’s not about having your needs met- it’s the rush and perceived reward of the manipulation and deception of someone you claim to love and promised to be loyal to.
Healthy polyamory: 3+ people in a happy, healthy relationship ie; Jim, jane, and bob are in a relationship. Jim is in love with Jane and bob, bob is in love with Jim and Jane, and jane is in love with Jim and bob, they are all happy and enjoy being in this relationship. Unhealthy polyamory: jim is in love with Jane and Bob. Jane is in love with Jim but doesn't love bob and doesn't feel comfortable sharing jim Not polyamory: jim is dating bob, jim is also dating jane but shhh, bob doesn't know. Sorry I'm not polyamorous so I don't understand from your perspective but you seem to grasp this concept which I see as the "right" concept and I respect you for that
Myles all I know is that there are different types of polyamorous relationships, I don’t know much about them, the only ones I know is the one you said, and the unhealthy which can be healthy. It’s a hierarchy relationship I think where basically like there’s the main couple and shit, but there’s also others, idk how to explain it. But yeah, all polyamorous relationships are healthy as long as there’s communication and like healthy relationship shit.
Hey I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone I’m in a similar situation, I was polyamorous for seven years and now I am in my first monogamous relationship in a long time and I don’t know why but a part of me was so scared that I would have this desire to cheat like because cheating is so common I wondered if it was because polyamorous people forcing themselves in the monogamous relationships. And we’ve only been together for a few months and I already know that I want to spend as much of my life as I can with this man and I could never see myself hurting him it doesn’t matter how attracted I am to somebody else it just wouldn’t happen
When my husband and I first met, a blind date, we talked about relationships. It was 1988. We knew a lot of couples, some former, who broke up because one of both of them "cheated". We decided that monogamy was not what should be the defining element of our relationship. We decided that honesty was important, as was our love and support for each other. We decided that if we wanted to have sex, a friend with benefits, we will be open and honest. Over 31 years later, we are happily together, finally married the first day it was legal!!! Everybody needs to create a relationship that works for them.
That's perfectly fine if both people agree and are honest that's not cheating. Also you should mention that you have a husband in a open relationship to the other people you meet with.
@@immortxelle , any app profile clearly has that I'm in a long term relationship and now married. I also clearly state that I'm only looking for a friendship with benefits. Over the years we've met most of each other's FWB, and have sometimes all gone to dinner together! We are honest, open and transparent.
@@detcarguymichigan4021 Recently i've had insight and heard more conversations on open relationships. Cheating is so prevalent in society that maybe instead of villainizing it, we need to realise that monogamy isn't suitable for everyone. I still don't agree with cheating, but i think there needs to be more conversation and honesty between people in what they actually want from a relationship. Glad things have worked out between you and your partner. Seems like honestly and communication goes a long way.
@@cmykimberly , part of our conversation was that we did not think it was realistic for us to never be attracted to anyone else for the rest of our lives (basic long term relationship goal). When we met, my husband was 18 and I was 32. But in our journey of being gay, we both had come out just 3-4 years earlier. So as gay men, we were the same "age". We felt that we would either "cheat", or become resentful that our relationship was causing us to repress all sexual attraction to the occasional guy we were really lusting after. We concluded that an open and honest relationship was a win-win. In over 31 years it has never been a problem, in fact it has made us appreciate each other more! Our only rule was to play safe.
On the "cheating on your abuser", I think there is more to it than just "why don't you just break up with them?" The psychological mindset the abused person is in sometimes doesn't allow them to break up with their abuser, and cheating might be a way for them to findthe comfort they so desperately need and even a protector, a savior to shield them from harm. Or even just a source of compliments and advice to regain the self esteem that they would need in order to be able to confront their abuser or seek help from a social worker or the police. Just remember it's not always possible for everyone to "just break up" with their partner. Some poeple feel like it would be too dangerous.
I used to think there was absolutely 0 reasons to cheat until my mom cheated and it kinda saved my life. my dad was super abusive and we couldn't leave. eventually she ended up meeting a guy and they started "talking". he was able to break through the 20 years of brainwashing and eventually helped me, my mom, and my brother get out of an abusive home. we'd all still be there, and tbh me and my mom would probably be dead by now(we were both suicidal) if she had made being faithful to my sperm donor her priority. we all acknowledge it wasn't a good thing to do, but its what had to be done for us to survive. I know that's a very specific situation but being in an abusive relationship is definitely a fair reason to cheat sometimes
I think it’s different in that situation bc when you’re in an abusive relationship it’s almost non-consensual. Bc usually you’re being held against your will in a way. So I wouldn’t necessarily classify what she did as cheating. Ya know?
Same, only I was the one who was married to an abusive person. I tried reaching out to friends, but nobody believed that it could be that bad and I should pray more for god to fix it. The only person who believed me and encouraged me to leave, I ended up having an emotional affair with. He made me feel loved and listened to when I was going through hell. If it weren't for him, I'd have stayed a lot longer, deluding myself that it's not that bad and blaming myself. It would have been better if I could have just left on my own, so I'm not trying to say it was the morally right thing to do, but it's what I needed at the time. I've now been happily married for six years to that dear friend who supported me, so I'm in a good place now.
@@sarahstardust I mean, I think that's such an intimate experience to have with someone (them getting you out of an abusive relationship and supporting you through the emotional rollercoaster that is) its kinda hard not to fall in love in some situations. like im only 20 and autistic (so socially im like 10 lmao) so im definitely no expert on this topic, but the guy that helped my mom had to basically rebuild her self worth, will to live, everything. that takes serious love and dedication bc you both have to be really vulnerable with each other. im so glad youre doing good now tho! my moms been with that guy for like 3 years and theyre doing well too. all it takes is one person to put in the work to change someones (or in my case, 3 someones) entire life for the better
Hey. I read your comment and I totally agree with you and I'm really glad you said what you did. I'm sorry that you had to go through something like that With your sperm donor.
I think a lot of people like this are unaware polyam or relationship anarchists. There are ethical ways to practice non monogamy providing everyone is fully aware and consenting. Mono or not, breaking the (healthy, obviously there shouldn't be extreme controlling behaviour) boundaries agreed in any relationship is cheating. The issue is lying and hiding things from people romantically involved in your life. Trust, honesty and communication is important. The awareness of ethical non monogamy should be more out there for people more inclined to feel that way, because then more people would ethically date in a way that genuinely works for them and find people that are similar. Simply, don't lie to or hide shit from someone who trusts you.
@@shanleyphillips1111 okay there's a whole WORLD of consent issues there, I'm not really sure where to start. That definitely wasn't your sister's fault and I'm so sorry she went through that.
Shanley Phillips I think in your sister’s case, it was the alcohol but my main issue with the alcohol excuse is the people who use it when they were fully aware that they were making the decision. Your sister didn’t know what was going on and I think for her the alcohol did take over and I’m sorry that she had to go through that.
Iamavampette I mean, drugs and alcohol do impair your judgment in that regard. I know when I cheated it was because I was actively using again. Granted, abusing amphetamines, cocaine, and experimental stimulants is going to impact your judgement way more than alcohol but alcohol can have the same kind of impact on behavior. Especially if you’re blacked out or close to blacking out.
@@shanleyphillips1111 I hate to put this bluntly but considering the injuries your sister had it sounds like what happened to her was nonconsensual. If that's the case then alcohol or not, what was done to her is absolutely unforgivable and she was NOT at fault, and frankly the person who did it to her deserves nothing more than to rot in whatever hell is waiting for him for the rest of eternity. And the people who made memes about her are actual scum and need to be taught what empathy is. My heart goes out to your sister. I hope she's doing alright.
The only reason you cheat while drunk is because subconsciously you don't want to be in a relationship with that person and because alcohol takes away all your inhibitions you don't give a fuck at the time basically. I have cheated while drunk and I felt so bad that I met with my boyfriend the next day and told him and broke up with him. He wanted to try and work it out but I knew deep down that my heart wasn't in it and I couldn't be the girlfriend he needed. We're still friends to this day because we knew we were meant to be close. Just not in that way. That's the first and last time I've cheated and it was a god awful experience. Broke my fucking heart seriously idk how so many of these guys enjoyed it!
Okay but like, if your gonna cheat on someone, just leave them. It only ends up hurting the other person and always loses there trust. Like what's the point? It's obviously like you either don't like that person anymore or some problems have occurred in the relationship, so just end it. Fully agree with Noah, cheaters are basically scum to me.
Gets a bit more complicated though. Say they were in a long marriage they were unhappy with and divorcing would be more trouble and pain than it's worth. It can be complicated. But I do agree, there's usually no reason to cheat
insinuating that you should leave a relationship when there's issues isn't great advice, considering you can't keep a relationship that way. i mean, if you watch the video, it clearly doesn't cost everyone's trust. working it out is always great if it's possible.
@@thatoneepicenealex7432 Of course kf you AND your partner think it's okay to work it out, but if you want to cheat on someone serious issues are probably occurring
yeah sure let's put on the same level a partener that could for example lower her all the time, humiliate her etc and her cheating to escape this. And don't just respond "oh well she could just end the relationship" because that is ignoring the difficulty and danger that can come with it.
Some people are unable to leave a relationship because of emotional abuse and that's a way to define toxic, so cheating is a way for them to feel loved outside of it and it could be a way out. Ending a relationship isn't easy when its toxic. I didnt think of cheating in my abusive relationship because I was so obsessed and "captured" by my boyfriend that all I could see was him, if I wouldve found someone else and fallen in love and proven I could be loved outside of him I probably wouldve left sooner than I did (I left cause he cheated lol)
The Doctor and Samuel M i am by no means saying that abusive people are worse than cheaters. i’m just saying that cheating is very much toxic because you are saying you care for someone then you turn around and lie and cheat on them. i know it is very hard to leave toxic relationships but getting into a habit and being okay with cheater isn’t good.
i only forgive cheating when they’re being abused. my mom was being abused by our father for 20 years and she had no way out and cheating is what finally got her out of that situation. i can’t think of another single reason for cheating other than abuse. toxicity isn’t the same as abuse either there’s a difference
Sometimes that person can never earn it back no matter how hard you try to forgive and trust them again. Sometimes I don't think they deserve your trust again.
This is partly why I practice polyamory. There's no cheating when everyone in the relationship is open and honest about what's going on. I am a big fan of ethical non-monogamy because I don't think that I can be the one and only person for someone, and I don't think on person can be the one and only person for me. But, since all parties involved know what's going on, it's not cheating.
May i ask, is being in a polyamorous relationship more difficult than being in a monogamous relationship? Because there are more people to consider and more feelings to process? Also, do you go on dates? And if so, do you all go out together? Or do you go out in couples and switch them up sometimes so everyone gets a date with everyone else? I'm sorry if these questions are too invasive or seem insensitive, I was just curious but if this makes you uncomfortable please tell me so I dont make that mistake in the future
@@musclemanmyles3665 All polyamorous relationships are going to be different, so I can only speak for myself. It's really about communication. (Even monogamous couples should try to have good communication.) As for the dating thing, it really depends on your setup. I go on dates with the people I'm dating, and they go on dates with the people they're dating. But, unless the people we're dating are also dating each other, we don't usually go on dates with our partner's partners. (Example: I go on a date with my girlfriend but not her boyfriend, her husband, or their other partners. I'm dating her, not them.)
As someone that has been cheated on within my marriage, it ended my marriage (I left),caused me a mental breakdown, and I’m still recovering from it almost 2 years later. Cheating has massive effects on someone. Don’t allow someone to mistreat you and disrespect you. If your unhappy just leave. Personally I think If you have the ability to cheat on someone once it’s always something within you. It destroys your trust in yourself let alone other people. Noah your epic. Totally agree with you dude. 💕
As a guy who's never been in a relationship (yet) this is both interesting to watch and terrifying to think of the mindsets of people who think... that their partner no longer trusting them is unreasonable and only instigatea further cheating to "get back" at your partner's distrust...? It's rather disturbing
The only valid reason I see for cheating is in the case of an abusive relationship when you feel trapped or scared to leave. To me, when someone starts abusing their partner, any mutual relationship is over even if they still consider themselves together/married because they're only staying with them because of fear/manipulation.
Yep. Most people don't actually change much. Cheats are narcissistic and dishonest people by their very nature, to be able to live with themselves everyday knowing they're lying 24-7 to the person they're meant to love. Not only are they happy to do that, a lot of them actually ENJOY the deception. It would take A LOT of work to change if that's the personality someone has. Therefore the once a cheat, always a cheat is very true. Especially if they get away with it and the person forgives them, they know they can do whatever they want with virtually no consequences and they know their partner is a pushover.
Yeah, once you have cheated, you will always be someone who has cheated and is willing to cheat. Once you steal something, you are always going to be a thief.
What about abusive relationships? The person might cheat as a means of receiving affection when it might be absent in their actual relationship. And often in these cases the person being abused is too afraid to leave their partner so breaking up isn’t an option?
I think it’s different in that situation bc when you’re in an abusive relationship it’s almost non-consensual. Bc usually you’re being held against your will in a way. So I wouldn’t necessarily classify it as cheating.
This is the one circumstance where I do think it’s understandable that the person cheated. If it’s too dangerous for them to leave their relationship, then the partner that is putting them in that kind of danger doesn’t deserve the respect of not being cheated on anyway...
I did that to get out of such an relationship, bc I thought he would consent to end it then (didn't happen- I felt he almost ended up choking me to death when I told him and then guilting me to stay and make up for it) and yeah I tried to "just" brake up before that. Well guess what, didn't work. He wouldn't leave me alone.
Cleodel Hey most of the things they teach us is really useless information to what we need when we apply to jobs. So cheating on tests isn’t bad. Just study but if you feel Like your going to fail than cheat.
if you're gonna cheat on your partner, just break up with them, because you clearly don't respect or love them enough to not do something that shitty. i'm polyamorous, which needs 1000% communication to work, so i really fail to understand how people will go behind their partner's back instead of just being honest and talking to them
When the cheaters question the one who didn’t enjoy it and say “why didn’t you just leave”. Really. Y’all over here judging. Why didn’t y’all “just leave” the other person instead of cheating. Dumb.
Honestly that comment just gave me major flashbacks to when someone flirts or hits on you and even though you're uncomfortable, you just kind of freeze. People (even close friends) always say 'why didn't you just stop it' and the problem is that you don't know how. You mught just freeze or kind of go along eith what they say like a doll beccause you want to avoid confrontation or making someone angry, so it's easier to put up with something until it's over. I think this is the reason it's so important to reinforce the message that silence isn't consent and you don't have to verbally say no for something to be rape.
@@louisa1514 I partly agree with you, something similar happened to me, a guy I used to have a crush on started hitting on me and I didn't really know how to feel avout it because I wasn't over it but I also wasn't gonna cheat on my boyfriend and stuff, but I guess you could say I did if you consider fooling around cheating? Idk in the end me and my bf broke up for another reason but I still feel pretty bad about it, I shouldn't have done that, but anyway enough of me venting😂.
Cheating is so dumb if you lose feelings for the person you're with just don't be with them don't hurt them by getting with someone else like seriously
TW: abusive relationship! I’d recommend you watching Kelsey Darragh’s video about her abusive relationship and how cheating helped her get out of it. I don’t condone cheating however in that scenarios (and possibly some that I have not thought of) I can see why it is done as well as not viewing it as a bad thing. It’s real thought provoking video. Also absolutely obsessed with jubilee videos too! xx
The last relationship I was in I got cheated on multiple times and it completely broke me. I trusted him 100 percent and in return, he lied and went behind my back. Right now, I don’t think that I would give someone new that trust again. People don’t realize the affect that cheating has on their partner, they don’t just break their heart, but also their general faith in people.
Never trust ANYONE 100%. Seriously. People are generally selfish and you never know what's going on in their minds. I hope you're able to trust someone enough to be happy, but never trust 100%. It might seem awful not to, but it's not, it's just sensible. Most relationships end, millions of people cheat - it's naive to think otherwise. Best thing is to work on being happy and independent yourself so you don't NEED anyone else. Then when you do find someone, if it doesn't work or they hurt you - you'll be strong enough to get over them. Nobody deserves the power to break you. Only you can break you.
i think the exception is when the person cheating is in an abusive relationship. sometimes, it can help the person to break out of that bad relationship if that makes sense.
If the relationship is so bad that they fear for their safety, surely cheating on the abuser puts them *more* at risk? So that would be a very stupid thing to do if they're genuinely being abused. And if they DON'T fear for their safety - they can just leave. So no need for ANY exceptions at all.
I got cheated on multiple times but I always got over the person quite quickly (I emotionally detach from the person the moment my trust is broken to that degree). The thing that is harder to get over is the broken trust itself, after a couple of times it just takes waaaayyy longer to trust someone with your heart again.
Basically, I will tell you my best friends story, she was in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend, they dated for almost three years. He was so manipulating whenever she tried to break up with him, he would somehow get her back. And then she fell in love with his friend, and tried to break up with her boyfriend, but he didn't let her, because of that she had to tell him that she 'cheated' on him with his friend even though it was a lie to just get out of the relationship.
R H what if it’s just for the risk y’know like i really liked some of my previous boyfriends but i cheated for the risk and excitement and it had nothing to do with them or the relationship
My mom did it as an escape. She couldn’t take my sister and I with her yet, and he was horribly abusive. She needed a way to get out when she was trapped. There is a difference between a reason and an excuse. She knows it wasn’t right to cheat, but she had a damn good reason.
@@joshua2atkins772 if you're willing to severely damage somebody else's confidence/mental health just for temporary excitement, you really need to work on yourself
2 out of the 3 serious relationships I’ve been in, I have been cheated on. I’m still recovering from it. I’m in a healthy relationship now and I know my girlfriend now won’t cheat on me. But it’s still something I’m incredibly scared about. It’s my biggest insecurity and causes me a lot of anxiety several years on. Cheating is definitely one of the worst things you could do to someone you ‘loved’
I thoroughly enjoyed hearing your points of view. And I really dig where you're coming from in your responses to what everyone was saying. Thanks for uploading this video.
I got cheated on when I was 18 and because of it I don’t date anymore. It completely destroyed my ability to trust the people I date. That being said I don’t think it’s so black and white. I understand that she felt trapped with me, I understand her desires weren’t being met and she told me right after it happened. Idk my point is cheating is terrible but sometimes life leads you to a point where it almost seems okay. I can see a lot of scenarios where I myself would be tempted. I have a lot of empathy for these people and they were super brave to do this.
I've never cheated, but I've been cheated on in 4/5 of my relationships. its something you never really recover from. you feel like you're never gonna be enough for anyone, you feel like you'll always just be a second choice for people, and its one of the most crippling and painful things to go though in a relationship.
Unless you’re in an abusive relationship you can not leave, cheating is unacceptable. Either communicate with your partner that you are having these feelings and a)work them out or b) both consent to an open relationship OR break up with your partner. Period.
This is why I'm scared of getting into a relationship. I feel like I'm the kind of person people cheat on, it'd be pretty easy to find someone better than me.
You really need to work on building your self confidence before you enter a relationship or you WILL be cheated on or abused/manipulated. People like that always find a way of sussing out who they can walk all over. Be independent and work on being happy on your OWN. Then you'll feel more confident when you do meet someone. You'll also be tough enough to cope when it all goes wrong, you'll be able to move on better because you'll know that if you end up single again, it's no big deal. Seriously, some people make their love life their everything and then they fall apart when it ends because they have nothing to fall back on. Work on being strong, independent and don't take any sh*t. And if they cheat on you - you're better off without them anyway.
I cheated on my girlfriend ONCE when I was 17, it was nothing more than a kiss. I was honest and broke things off with my partner immediately afterwards. I beat myself up over it for a long time but there comes a point where I had to forgive myself. I was very young, it wasn't a serious relationship and I have learned from my mistake and wouldn't treat someone like that again. People giving me hate for something I already hated myself for made it alot harder to move on and grow.
I remember when I was with my ex (it was long distance) I started getting a crush on a girl. Just a crush, I never cheated, but it still led me to feel SO guilty that it would constantly bring me to tears. I ended up breaking up with him for multiple reasons, this crush being one of them, but I never cheated. So I find it very very difficult to see through the eyes of the people who did cheat because even though I was young and stupid and developing feelings for someone else, I didn’t cheat. Idk, this isn’t to say that cheaters are bad people, but I just find them very hard to sympathize with, and I don’t know if I’d be able to forgive anyone for cheating on me.
i last boyfriend who just broke up with me, he told me in the beginning that in a different relastionship he cheated when he was like much younger. and of course i never held it against him and i never really mentioned it, and i'm glad he was honest and told me, but it never really left my brain that he was capable of cheating on someone.
Cheating can be bad a lot but sometimes there could be a reason, it might not be valid, but they might justify it in their own mind I guess. I’ve never cheated on someone. I’m asexual. I’m just saying
If you and your partner have discussed it then technically it's not cheating. To me, cheating is about deception and lying. I am asexual and if my partner went and slept with someone behind my back i would not be happy but if we discussed it beforehand and i knew everything was safe then i wouldn't mind but that wouldn't be cheating.
Absolutely 100% agree with you Noah and I was emotionally cheated on by my partner of 33yrs. The trust is gone and I can never forget. This happened 2yrs ago and even after a year of therapy he doesn't understand how deeply he hurt me.
It can be hard to break up when in a physically abusive relationship, due to fear of being hurt or of death threats to themselves or their family, but still having a desire for love and affection can also cause someone to cheat. It's not always as simple as you play it out to be, I think cheating is wrong but you have to look at it from other angles
This is why "Imagine Me and You" is difficult for me... I really like the film, hurray for representation, but ughhhhhhhhhh. Some parts are so hard to watch.
One of my friends cheated and was in a Very abusive relationship, plus they was a minor i think 15 and their partner was like 22. They were too scared to break up with their partner (scared of What their partner would do) and cheated. They tried several times to break up, but the abuser wouldnt let it happen
cheating is the absolute worst, it made me so unbelievably insecure about myself even though i had never had any issues with that and it does such a damage to a person for whatever reason they did it. i can’t even watch the video
I only cheated on one person in my life. We were fine at first, but he became extremely violent and aggressive. it got to a point where he was abusing me emotionally, physically, and sexually every day. I was trapped, I couldn't break up with him because he said he would kill my family then himself. I got really drunk with the only friend he allowed me to have, and I blacked out. I woke up, and he told me we had sex. I immediately threw up because I was so angry with myself. I felt so guilty, and I immediately told my boyfriend. it didn't go well, I wound up in the hospital, but he still stayed with me. I only got out of that relationship about a month ago, but I'm still haunted by the guilt of my actions.
i don’t feel empathetic for cheaters because my first boyfriend (before i knew i was lesbian) cheated on me with three of my best friends and now i’m forever afraid of commitment because what if the other person doesn’t love me and i get hurt deeply again. don’t cheat guys it hurts
I’ve been in a VERY long distance relationship for more than five years with my fiancé now. He lives in Ireland and I live in the US. I haven’t seen him now in over a year because of the lockdown. Cheating on him has never, ever even crossed my mind because he’s my one TRUE person. He’s the one I want to be with when we’re old and wrinkly. He’s so perfect for me that it’s not even funny. Even from a distance, he’s worth every moment of waiting to see him again and I couldn’t ever ask for a more amazing human being.
11:46 Noah hon I'm sorry but it isn't as simple as "we're breaking up". I don't condone cheating but in some cases, you literally cannot break up with the toxic partner because that person could get violent or trick you back into thinking they actually love you.
I'm polyamorous so like half of it was just weird to me. But since my relationship(s) are all about communication you can still get cheated on. Like if I tell my partner, that I want to know when they meet someone and want to sleep with them and they don't tell me: they cheat, if they tell me, they don't. I'd say that you can cheat and love someone, like I can have multiple partners and love each of them their own way. For me, personally, it'´s a lack of respect. You cannot cheat on someone while respecting them and I don't like begin with someone that doesn't respect me.
"If someone cheats on you it's not because YOU have a character flaw but THEY have an issue, the cheater has an issue" - It took me years to realise this but it helped so much in the healing process.
i dont know how i haven’t seen this video before, but i needed it. someone in my family has cheated, and it has bothered me all my life. especially because i’m a product of the first cheat.
"if the person who you're in a relationship with is toxic, then the response to that would be breaking up", you managed to ignore all abusive relationships in one statement! What if the person who is cheating is stuck in an abusive relationship with a person who is threatening them if they "break up"? There're MANY reasons why people cheat and the most serious ones weren't mentioned in that video from jubilee. Now, I'm not a cheater myself (I'm fact I've been cheated on) but it takes just a little wider view of the world and a little empathy to understand that there're many life and health threathening relationships where one can only get a bit of satisfaction and appreciation by cheating. And these people are not the ones to blame. If that's not the case, you can talk it through and decide whether you wanna stay together or not. But breaking up is not always an option.
I hate cheating, but I believe there may be some situations in which it is reasonable. *Forced* marriage where you very clearly don't love the person you're with and it's blatantly obvious to them as well, and *if the person is abusive* and doesn't allow you out of the relationship.
when he was talking about how getting cheated on is one of the worst things that you can do it ruined people he knows lives for a long time, i felt so validated because ive been so depressed for the past year cause i got cheated on after a year long relationship lol. SO THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU NOAH
I’ve never been the person to cheat but there was a brief period where I was the other girl. It completely destroyed my life and my self esteem and I could never do it again. I thought my feelings mattered more than someone else’s entire relationship because he thought he felt the same way and was willing to cheat. He just used me as a way to get outbid his relationship and I got left in the dust too and completely destroyed a girls self esteem and trust of anyone along with my own and I’ll always feel guilty for it even if I’ve apologized and talked to the girl and she doesn’t see me as a home wrecker nor does she hate me or regret it happened because she’s happier without him now, she sees her ex as a dumb bitch who used both of us but it will never reverse the months and more it toke both of us to piece our selves together. In a way I’m glad it happened because I learned something, and that was my first experience falling head over heels for someone with infatuation and disregarding everything else the world and people told me and it taught me that real love won’t make you feel terrible or guilty or like it’s a challenge or that the entire worlds against you and they’re the only thing you have. Love is mutual, and respect and communication and building a life together and having your friends and family support it and be happy for your happiness. Infatuation and putting someone on a pedastool instead of being equals is not how a relationship can work it destroys it
I've been cheated on twice in a row. It's shit. After that, I wouldn't even consider dating anyone for years because I couldn't trust anyone. Even though it's been like 6-8 years, I still have moments where I'm paranoid but thankfully I can recognise red flags vs paranoia now. I also met a guy and he is so understanding and we have a very open and honest relationship. We became friends before we started dating and I think that helped a lot.
I got cheated on, and the way i found out was i saw her together with another person on the day we were “supposed to meet” , i think cheaters should always feel bad at least a little because it’s wrong and i don’t get why people do it. Then they just fill it with silly excuses. It’s wrong and it ruined me for a while.
I caught my boyfriend cheating on me and when I confronted him about it he lied straight to my face about it then when I went in his phone to see the text messages he told me he deleted them.. fellow trans guy here and it ruined my self image and my trust I can’t get into a normal relationship now because I have trust issues. So that’s fun. 😩 Lesson is don’t cheat on your partner it literally ruined my life when I found out I went into a very deep dark hole after I found out.
@@Kiiiiiiiie thank you so much I needed that I’m trying to open up more in my relationship but it’s just hard feeling like I was never listened to before I’m getting through it though
Honestly, I feel this. As someone who was abused and cheated on, it fucks with your brain and the cheater/abuser has the ability to make you feel so small and like you'll never find better than them. So you stay. Even after, I tried forgiving him and trying again. But once it got worse, I realized that I needed better. And that somehow made me selfish....but I've been recovering for the past 2 years and though I'm not ready to trust someone yet, I hope the day will come. If anyone is ever cheated on or abused, please get out as soon as you are mentally able. You mean more than you think....
I think there are reasons to cheat, like having a abusive relationship that you can't get out of and stuff like that, but most reasons are kinda stupid.
the whole subject of cheating confuses the hell out of me because i feel like people think it’s so black and white. cheating is always wrong. and i don’t disagree but even though i have ridiculous trust issues, i don’t think somebody cheating on me would have to be the end, as long as it doesn’t continue
Exactly! I feel like people put themselves in this mindset of "oh, I'll definitely never cheat" and then put themselves in the worst, most tempting situations because of it. Then they're surprised it happened in the first place? Like you literally set yourself up for failure by never considering that we're human and mistakes happen. All you can really do is learn from those mistakes and try your best to grow from them, but denying that it's a real thing that happens fairly often isn't helping anyone.
You’re right. It’s not just black and white like other ppl in the comments seem to think. However I could never date them again..I just couldn’t. I could forgive them if the circumstances allow but I would never be able to date them again.
I use the interwebs it’s tricky because for me it would depend on the person. It would also depend on how I found out and if they tried to hide it or not. If they told me and I believed it would never happen again and I loved the person I’d probably just move on and stat eith them like nothing happened but idk that’s just me
I could never forgive or allow cheating, like I'm also a overthinker/anxiety and I put alot of trust and loyalty in my relationships so if someone was to break that I would be so hurt and angry that I couldn't even love them the same
My boyfriend has a friend who hooked up with a girl while she had a boyfriend and he knew about it. I lost respect after he did that and I was really upset for him giving her the means to cheat
My ex did that to his brother in law. They were separated and his sister was already in another relationship, but his brother in law had a married woman after him and my ex encouraged it. She told him he had cheated and was abusive, and although I can understand why someone in an abusive relationship would cheat and can't fault them for that, but there was also the possibility she was just lying to cheat. I told his brother in law not to do it because her and her husband had kids and he new what it was like to be cheated on when you have a family because my ex's sister cheated in him after she had their daughter. Plus I told him he was playing with fire because he never knew what the husband would do to retaliate, and the wife was probably on meth and not the most stable person. It ended badly when he broke it off and went back to my ex's sister for awhile. The woman he cheated on and her husband ended up shooting at their house. Then my dumbass ex told a friend that he thought the whole thing would be good for him so he could get over his sister, and the friend rightfully told him you can't move on with a married woman. That shit makes me wonder if my ex was talking to someone behind my back when our relationship went down hill. He was always the person to complain about cheating and being cheated on by ex's, but would egg on shit like that.
"That must be terrifying being in a long distance relationship" Oh boy you have no clue 11 months and over 3000 miles away, still not been able to meet irl and were both pretty open about how scared we BOTH are that the other will cheat you'd think that'd make us feel better than the other feels the same but we're both too cripplingly insecure lmao Although we do both agree that when we can meet, even just once, it'll make us both feel a million times better
A majority of my relationships I’ve had I was cheated on, one of which was with my best friend. Cheaters are vile people. I have to relearn how to be in a healthy relationship now w/ a guy I’m talking to now. I have so many learned behaviors that are a direct result of being cheated on. It made me feel unloveable and unattractive. I have trust issues w/ intimacy now, all because of cheating. Fuck cheaters
I had the experience of being cheated on and basically told that my behaviour and lack of action towards dealing with my bad mental health was the reason she cheated on me
i’ve been accused of cheating. totally wrecked the relationship. they wouldn’t trust me because of their insecurities and made me feel like crap, even though I NEVER CHEATED. awful.
i agree. my oldest brother got cheated on and it really hurt me seeing him that upset and now he struggles with his relationships and i hate seeing him like that :(
I reckon u seriously don’t have an excuse to cheat on someone unless you’re life is at risk if u break up with someone. Or like ur at risk of a highly traumatic situation if u break up with them.
How can anyone be with a cheat, they dont respect you and clearly feel that something is lacking in the relationship they've entered into. ABSOLUTELY SAD. If you cant help playing the field, first make yourself single, then your free ti do wat the hell you like.
The one that truly loves you won't hurt you or cheat on you - trye story 🌈 Noah, I love your conviction in how much you respect yourself to not tolerate cheating; it took me YEARS to learn to respect myself to not hurt MYSELF further by living with the pain and uncertainty by carrying on with an already failed relationship. I hope that the youth of today are as strong in their convictions as you. If you're with someone you're with them, wanna cheat, break up; simple💁♀️
In my teen years, I cheated on an ex after finding out that she had cheated on me multiple times. We should've just broken up. I would never, ever, ever do that again. I felt like shit, especially since it was done out of spite. Turns out she had continued to cheat on me while vilifying ME for cheating once...ya cause that makes sense. It's never okay. And if you even have the desire to cheat, then maybe you should step back and question the state of the relationship.
