Red Flags in Social Media and Relationships 

It’s a loss of innocence but it’s a gain of wisdom.

*The breaking of your routine* is a big red flag for real. Experienced that twice, each time - bad news.

45:03 Certainly, Hollyweird glorifies narcissist relationships because Hollyweird itself is the biggest narcissistic industry in existence. This is one of Dr Ramani's most effective videos...great relatable format.

It has turned me off dating. I set boundaries with everyone now.

Exactly, after 6 months lovebombed relationship I found out that he was having another 3 months long relationship with another woman who believed she had a boyfriend. A huge drama.created by the "only good vibes" guy.

Scam artist is so accurate. I stayed for 16.5 years. And I feel so similar to your feelings!

I relate to her thinking process so much. ❤ Much love to everyone enduring the detachment from the narcissist(s).

Sounds familiar to me: he broke up with me, then begged to come back to only ghost me a few months later. A bit later he started texting me again like nothing ever happened though I was demoted to a 'friend'. He said he had talked to me nonstop for three years so he couldn't stop. I blocked him from everything after realizing that my whole experience was invalidated.

How strong the guest speaker was, and education and self awareness is key to protect ourselves from narcissistic people

I stopped in my tracks when she said he wanted to “still be her best friend” and would love her always. MINE said same thing - as he discarded me for someone else, forced me out of our house and moved her in. He totally turned my life upside down and wanted me as his best friend??? Truly insanity. That made me scared of him in a way.

I think trauma bond is something we need to solve not to meet same kind of people

Divorcing one of these- I could write a book

Omw, exactly my story, the cheating and layers and layers of lying, and make you believe that you have insecurity issues. Also putting it out there he hates cheating and would never do it, and all along, he was cheating with several woman

This was absolutely how my ex was. He was always commenting on Facebook. He even had a man who had apparently screwed him over for money he tried to reach his wife via Facebook. Watched videos non stop on Facebook. Was watching videos once as I pulled up my trash cans no offer to help. He called me one day said he has a new Granddaughter as someone reached out to him via Facebook. I finally ended it this guy had an adult kid living in his home yet that was never addressed and he was so into social media. I finally found out he had been married 7 times. I was over him and went into therapy to find out he was a narcissist. Run from these idiots he love bombed in beginning to physical abuse. We end up in therapy as they race off to next victim.

It all took me back to the time where I was also love bombed and idealized by my narcissist. Grieve is 100% real and very painful. I can simply relate to all that. That experience has definitely marked me & changed me forever!

I love your story! I’ve dated 3 narcissists and the last one must have taken over 350 pictures of me and videos in 5 months he was so obsessed with me . He made me feel like I was the only one in the world and he was always available when I called no matter what time it was. I miss the laughter and all the vacations and the silly times. I stopped working out after work and he suggested that we work out together. Also, when I hung out with friends he would give me the silent treatment. I had the key to his place after the 5 th date.We took 5 vacations in 5 months .

I got away from narcissistic parents to be thrust into a situation with another narcissist. Everyone around her enables her, my daughter, son-in-law, etc. She is my son-in-law’s ex. She uses the kids as pawns. When I try to put up boundaries, I get blamed and gaslighted! I can’t/won’t play games with this woman who seeks to destroy the whole family.

My ex slammed my hand in the door, and I was crying it hurt so bad and he was yelling at me that my hand shouldn’t have been in the doorway. 😅

This at 5 mins in is my identical story 30 years later I’ve finally got free of the trauma bond

44:37 In my experience-raised by narcissistic parent and worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade-many of the people writing and directing and producing our stories are narcissistic, a lot of them with full blown NPD. So many writers base characters on themselves, and define characters’ motives from a place of projecting what they want people to believe about THEM. In a way, we are an entire society being primed into idealizing the justifications for this grandiose and gaslighting behavior. You are absolutely right that these institutions are broadcasting and glamorizing unhealthy relationships-because abusers are the ones telling many of the stories.

My ex narc could never be alone. He was addicted to his phone. So grateful to be away from him

Man! It's been 8-9 months for me now and you're so right!! I see it so clearly now. He's also addicted to social media and wants to be famous. While we were together rented tons of high end cars to put on his social media were he still had exs on them, all while going further into debt to look that way. What a joke.

This is my story also.I was so destroyed, but after listening to Dr Romani, I feel so much better, I'm in the process of ending the relationship.

Wow, I can relate to this so much! Especially the reaction formation part and the fact that the narcissist (who aggressively pursued me) was also a 'famous' writer, which meant I would second-guess my own perception (of him) because I'd think his international audience who seemed to respect and admire him couldn't possibly be wrong about him. I trusted his online persona of a fake 'revolutionary' and the veneer he put on to deceive his audience. The reaction formation was displayed in his speech when he'd say things like "I would never throw people away." I was shocked at the phrasing and wondered why he would put it that way, it sounded so cruel and not reassuring at all, but that was exactly who he was and what he did, he treated people like disposable, replaceable and dispensable objects he could throw away as soon as he was done exploiting/conning them, and after quickly finding a substitute. It's so interesting how, in hindsight, I can see that there were glimpses of who he really was behind the fake facade, but (at that point) I wasn't ready to admit it to myself. I gave him the benefit of doubt over and over again and, instead, kept blaming myself, even though he didn't deserve the benefit of the doubt. Edit: Wow, you just used the same phrase as he did! 😵 You said: "I was thrown away." Unbelievable! This is the narcissistic pattern... This is how narcissists operate and how they treat people who they claim to "care" about. Just finished listening to the whole podcast episode and I have to say that I loved this episode! Especially the great takeaways at the end... :)

It sounded like Chloe like reminded me of her and her voice patterns but I know whoever it is this is very real and very interesting take on this subject

I can totally see you and understand you because I lived it too. Their lies, deception and betrayal is so profoundly sadistic

I’m so glad the YT algorithm brought me here because I did not know this podcast existed! 😢👏🏻

This wiman almost completely summed up my 2 years with my husband....the money, the nit wanting me out of his sight, moving in in 3 months...married in 6 months....she was telling my story right on down the line

Thank you for mentioning the need to educate systems and calling out “entertainment”. After years of working with people who experienced domestic abuse, I can’t express how frustrating it was for them to receive little to no support from systems and actually see people shamed for what they experienced.

The trauma bond phenomenon is YUGE. No joke. Keep it REAL. Develop BS detection. Ok? Ok. And learn and grow. ❤️☮️

This was like reading a book with the character ME. Thank you for sharing. Saved this to listen again. I hope others feel growth and healing with this show.

I feel like I’m listening to an interview of myself. I can’t even put into words how identical my experience is, but she literally did it anyway. Especially the experience of learning that there’s “levels” to cheating! Wrong is wrong (of course) … but I feel like you truly have to have experienced the type of emotional abuse she’s describing, in order to understand that point. There’s the obvious physical aspect to infidelity, but narcissistic people purposely get more disrespectful, manipulative, and just *evil* over time! There’s no other way to describe it, other than sick! These people will put you into situations that are darker than you’ve ever conceived of .. But you don’t focus on the red flags, because initially they were surrounded by things meant to distract you from the truth. They will eventually treat you like their worst enemy, all while remaining close enough to steal the little energy you have left. Wow. Thank you to whoever you are for sharing your story. You said a lot that I haven’t been brave enough to say out loud, and you unlocked a lot of suppressed memories. PS: Realizing that the “layers of deceit” had always been intentionally laid by him and that he’d never stop is what made going no contact a lot easier.

Narcissim being a personality trait and getting rid of the diagnosis makes so much sense. Its more about the hurt person getting help and realizing they are being bamboozled by a narc than helpong a narc that wont change. Also in these stories i realized the narc is determined to be the one to break up a relationship. They cant live with the other person throwing them out. The victim always breaks up and the person begs and thry get back together and then a day later the narc says bye.

I definitely feel like it is a loss of innocence. I was a completely different person before the narcissist showed his true self. Sometimes I almost feel robbed at times. But I no longer see romance the same as I used to. The lovebombing that I experienced then with the discard I don't really know what true romance is. I would love to get to the point where I have a desire for true loving intimacy but right now I just want to find myself again and heal. I don't think I have ever been so traumatized.

When she said she was scammed - wow, that just hit the nail on the head! 😮

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

It’s amazing how so many can gather and hear the testimony of one member and it feels like we’ve all witnessed the same in our own lives. My current N is a family member I am unable to separate from, at this time… works for her, too!

I left mine 3 weeks ago so we could have space. Our contempt for one another was thick as bitter syrup. Dr Ramani has recommended we keep a “SH/T” book: all the things that hurt you, the things they said-especially in a RAGE-the mean spirited crap they pulled and the constant put-downs they let ‘slip’ out-put them in a journal. Feel the pain, read it-especially when we start to go soft-hearted toward them…not saying not to forgive them! But remember the times you were provoked to your boiling point, and feel how awful, and icky and ugly and worthless they tried to make you feel -when we entertain the thoughts of possibly trying again-remember how awful it felt. It is what’s helping me to go away and keep away-softly and quietly away from the hatred inside him and toward those who are capable of kindness and empathy (for starters)!

I would love a podcast or RU-vid show on a narc relationship when you are both psychologists and how after relationship ends and professional legal obligations require (even after attorney consults affirm as such) years later a licensing board complaint against the other after no contact or ongoing engagement with them for safety is required and even done anonymously-fall out comes -revenge, retaliation, threats-even years and years later and attorneys agreed complaint is legally required-yet-not available for representation unless you spend tons of money to protect yourself-it’s a dilemma and something I’m currently going through and had to file a restraining order.

I get it…. Then told you caused it… it’s so many people he cheated with while proclaiming I won’t do that because it’s been done to me.

The statement a show that’s exactly what what it was. I went thru this for 16 years and the recovery is very difficult. This information is great info to hear and learn. I was so early discard and the new supply was the next target. I believe that this should be a subject that needs to be looked at and be categorized as an offense of the law so that the narcissist be punished by the law because it is a mean and vicious act that this narcissists commits should be held accountable for there actions.

And many big thanks and big crédit to dr Ramani !!! You re helping so many people.❤

Wow, I was love bombed with laughter also and it was so easy to be with this man not to mention how easy he was to look at (yummy)plus he was 10 yrs younger, beautiful dark skin, built and looked like a Indian warrior.! Wow is all I can say for in all my 55yrs I had NEVER or could have never even dreamed there was such a being to speak of to even dream about so the least I can say is that he was an absolute Fantasy I never knew anything like him existed,. He is the reason the word fantasy was created! He was a narcissist not malignant, not Covert nor Grandiose but the other one (not sure)😆might be called lesser🥴 Anyway, I gradually removed my belongings little everyday while he was at work and then with no fuss I was gone. I was with him a yr plus and it was fabulous until the last couple mths and being I had just learned was a narcissist was having been thrown away (after 30yrs) just before the fantasy fell in my path and gave me laughter and made me forget about being tossed for a local BBQ slinging hussy. So, I was blessed because I truly didn't care If I was alive or not and my heart hurt so bad I thought I would die(I'm not joking)🙆 You are so sweet and gentle I love learning from you and I apologize for letting my cup spill it was quite full 😅 as you seen and thank you for having this space so that I could share. Thank you 🌸🍃 I'd never told anyone this what I let spill 😅 it's been 6yrs since that happened. 😊

So glad you mentioned that is NOT compromise!!

I'm sorry, but there is something unhealthy about a woman who tolerates a man calling her every 7 minutes! I had a man with narc qualities call me three times in one day. The third time I said to him, " You know, this is the 3rd time you've called me today & I really don't think we have enought to talk about 3 times in one day." His response was, "Well, I got you to talk to me again for 20 minutes!" I felt so manipulated & I was!

Thank you, these stories of the survivors impact and heal through the power of storytelling one stream of trauma at a time; some of them coincide with more than one stream of trauma within the self. …. Be gentle, but in a way, each one of these episodes can be each own therapy session Thank you

He proposed in a few months and then I said let;s slow things down but he kept it up for 2 years all good stuff

We should create a narcissist watch-list. It would probably get messy, but it would save so many empathic people so much suffering!

Informative interview. Took me back to a previous relationship, and the lovebombing was so obvious, sent up a red flag right away. Many other narcissistic traits. Made me increasingly uncomfortable enough to cease contact. Listening to the lady’s experiences at the halfway point, I can relate. THEN in another relationship w someone else….nothing like the other yet I wonder if person has a narcissistic bend….based on lesser obvious red flags/traits but a gut feeling for lack of empathy and a pattern of behavior which isn’t commendable.

Tbh I was thinking to myself I'll let him hit me three times, then I'll go away. And then I had to go away, I know it's stupid 😭 I'm just saying, girls listen to the first time he does it 😂 the trauma bond is real. But at least he slapped me awake the third time, it was my fault for staying

Wow that intro monologue at the beginning was so concise, accurate, and poetic! ❤

Fame is just that people know who you are. So what? Why wouldn't you feel completely alone, even in a crowded room if all anyone cared about was what they thought they could get from you?

Excellent podcast. Thank you!

Yup. Yup yup yup. Ugly sobbing during the takeaways.

People that have been harmed by Narcissister gonna show up anxious and finally started defending themselves many times so they’re gonna be disagreeable with things and they are going to be victims so let’s be careful people.🤦‍♀️ this is why it will be hard, hard for court systems to figure it out. Who is the victim and who is the actual perpetrator the perpetrators usually really good at covering their tracks!!!

Thank you both for this insightful interview 🤩

This hit home. I just got out of a relationship with a covert narcissist who was a RU-vid influencer. The snapping and correcting wow. Exactly. A RU-vidr in LA. And we JUST bought a house. Did we date the same person?? Because this is too similar.

Yeah, the waiting for the pay out of the promised future. The dream of me retiring and us doing nothing but travelimg and spending time together. Us becoming snowbirds. Why would anyone sabotage such a dream?

This was a great interview. Thank you!

All I can say is, WOW. So, it really hit home when she said she was crying after a phone call from a family member that got her emotional, and her then narc came into the room, proclaiming her crying was making HIM uncomfortable!? Boom. That’s a stick of dynamite under the bed. Oh you poor thing. How dare I have emotions in your presence .. and ruin your day …? Well… sounds eerily familiar ! My prior narc bf (of 3 years at the time) did something oddly similar to this! He had the same reaction to me, when I was going through a painful custody battle with an ex. I had a VERY stressful day in court with my child’s abusive father (go figure), and I was just… emotional, and letting out some frustration, (hello..? We’re all human, sorry) at the same time, I was trying not to be a buzzkill- but, I just couldn’t help it!?! I was crying about the whole court battle situation -this was while the narc and me sat by the ocean and watched the sunset. I figured he would’ve reacted FAR differently than he reacted that night- based off how important I’d always been to him- and how he was ALWAYS ensuring , and definitely making it look to OTHERS like, he was”by my side” all the while I was going through this painful custody battle. But- What I guess I never realized: was he wasn’t EVER really“there” for me in the first place! Anyway, that day; He looked at me, while I wept, got out of the car, and proceeded to walk down the beach…? I was confused, thinking, maybe he wanted me to maybe follow him? He didn’t say a word when he opened the car door and got out and started walking- so, teared up and emotional, I got out, and followed him down the beach.. As I come up closer behind him, he stops, turns around, and looks at me with these dark, unapologetic evil looking eyes, and says, what the hell are you doing? You made me SO uncomfortable with your incredible “display of instability” just now in the car! At this point, I’m almost shaking- and THEN he says; I thought I may as well get up and leave- because I have NO idea how to feel about all of this, you crying about it all- or what I’m supposed to do when you “get like this”, omg!! I’ve NEVER even SEEN you like this? What THE HELL is wrong with YOU!!!?! Can’t you see this is just WEIRD for ME? This is your ex husband who abused your son, you’re crying about, to ME- and I didn’t marry him- YOU DID. So.. therefore, I’m not responsible for your unstable outbursts for something YOU could have prevented, by never marrying the guy.!! I stood there like a statue ready to melt into the sand …. To say I was NOT in utter shock and disbelief, would be an understatement! I almost puked, I was so taken aback. This surely wasn’t the same guy I was with 3 years, who SEEMINGLY ALWAYS put me first - wanted to spend every waking moment of every day with me, and I cry in front of him ONE time, in 3 years of dating… and THIS is the response I get!? who IS this man?? I remember not talking to him for DAYS after that comment. Until on about day 6 (was probably getting tired of no sex, as I stopped sleeping at his house after this day too..) and he broke down, and sent me flowers, and attached to the bouquet, was a song he wrote for me…. Vommmmmit 🤮. These creeps are literally all the same person.

Wow, the love bombing stage described here was what I went through. But i didn't hate him. He just stalked me at my job. I was 16 and worked at a fast food place. He would go through the drive thru , order food just to throw it away so he could see me and talk to me. I avoided him until the hot little football player i liked at school turned out to have a girlfriend he didn't tell me about . I found out about the secret girlfriend after the hot football player took me to the winter formal. Combine that with a girl who has daddy issues and who waa chopped liver growing up and it made for a complete idiot storm. I was so upset at the football player for deceiving me that i called back the drive thru stalker guy who proceeded to make me laugh, buy me jewelry, and spend every evening on the phone with me. I heard recently that the football player's girlfriend supposedly knew he was taking me to the formal but nobody told me. If only that were true and i had informed choice.

If the story would not be in the US it would be typically my story. It is amazing and shocking to hear my story..95% coinciding with the behaviour of my narcissist..amazing how similar and strong their behaviour pattern can be. Even hoovering saying best friend best person in their life..that i was strong enough thank god to reject ..similarly to what the lady said break up no make up..What i understand from my own story and from this one they choose someone who sincerely loves them and mirror that love..that makes us think it is real..but then at discard we understand that there was not a single drop in their "love" at all..be blessed all people who have gone through this. Stay blessed. And stay away from them.

My first impression of my narc ex was yuck but yet he managed to reel me on

But the "guy on a donkey" allegory 😂👍. So true.

Thank you

Everyone warned me but I did not see it at all

Awesome podcast thank you ladies

Great show

Jada Pinket Smith is an Exec Producer on such a subject?!

I just broke up with a Narc ..,, it was so weird ! He love bombed the hell out of me …. Bought me a Tiffany’s bracelet Abdul necklace the 3rd date … proposed the 3rd month …. … he gaslit me !!! Everytime I spoke about how I feel something .. he argued it ! He posted 20 pictures and the ones by himself , his mom liked … I was in a twilight zone ! He took me on 30 dates on one month ! These dates were so thought out and perfect ! He bought a truck because he was a trucker …. And all went down hill !!! He complained about money issues but I don’t believe it !! I think he was lying … now i don’t trust anything . He told me I was the only woman he’s never cheated on ! Lies , he disappeared for hours …

A semantic labyrinth=love it!

Wonder who this guy is…

Oh wow, so much is relatable.

I'm half way through...but honestly ..I'm not seeing this as evidence of narcissism. It sounds like a bad and unsuitable relationship ...

It makes me really angry that harming other people is *not* considered a pathology anymore. If anything is a pathology it's harming others. Being depressed might be a condition, but a depressed or bipolar person at least doesn't harm others and is otherwise a decent person. Why is depression considered a "pathology" and narcissism or psychopathy aren't? Psychoanalysts of the last century, who've done ground-breaking work on narcissism (and its link to authoritarianism), people like Erich Fromm, knew that narcissism is at the core of all dangerous pathology and can even lead to genocide, wars, fascism or Holocaust. Why is this not recognized anymore? Everyone knows that dictators (like Hitler) or powerful and wealthy CEOs suffer from narcissism. Why is nobody taking it seriously and simply call it a "style"? I'm sorry, but introversion and narcissism are worlds apart. They can't be in the same buckle. Narcissism lies on a spectrum, it might begin with disagreeableness, but it ends with Holocaust and sadism, necrophilia or cannibalism.

OMG..this sounds like my story

Excellent video

Excellent helpful video

She had a narcissist in her office that’s unusual unless they want something there. They’re doing it to keep their marriage and pack because they still need something from their supply. I don’t have a new supply at somethings wrong with that picture.

It's very hurtful even almost six and a half months since I've seen her in two months blocked from last love bomb she cheated probably the whole time I caught her in one affair and several texts emotional affairs plus what I don't know I'm just disgusted and done dating as a handsome 47 year-old man I'm done... And I've attracted nothing but the same modern type of woman sense and luckily before they got to meet me I caught out red flags like this recent woman thrown another guy in my face cuz I disqualified her cuz she is a total liar and exactly like my ex why is she still text me when she's got a new guy and we never even got went on the first date I said you're like you're like a headache without the sex it's saying he's taller than me and all this stuff cuz I'm 59 and he's six-two this is a new girl by the way I'm going to have to block her as well

you're sweet dr

I would not feel trust with a rich man or celebrity!!!!! I married a poor man and he was a con man! Anyone can be one

So wait a minute I want to clarify something you’re saying if you are not agreeing to some thing, then you’re a narcissistic behavior not necessarily a narcissist I think we need to be clear that just because you disagree with something doesn’t make you a narcissist because that’s the problem social media people are totally confused who is the narcissist and who isn’t that hard children

Fiture faking

I don't care how charming someone appears to be or how funny they are you not calling me every 7 minutes go find some business. The fact that the person said that it didn't concern them also adds context to the story because they could be the type of person that could be a toxic codependent who needs to feel validation obviously stemming from childhood trauma xcetera because anybody call me that much got a lot of time on their hands and you have to put up a boundary because they reel you in with repetitious language through those many conversations y'all always have during these calls. The more they keep calling you you don't have no time to think about what they said or what their agenda actually really is. He didn't allow any space for her to think and took full advantage of it

OMG

the chase is most exciting part, i have to say your comment if i am not happy its not gona get better. man that is a ringing thought in me like i can do better

i feel this person anon. i feel u

Holy sh@t she is telling my story👸🏼

i personally am disgusted with some comments about the capabilities of woman. uug. i think differently and have different ideals

tfw its hard to acknowledge that i came in with an open heard when i feel so confused and not seen. masks ahhg