Redefining modesty in religious cultures | with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Подписаться 84 тыс.

Просмотров 9 тыс.

50% 1

Today we are joined by Jennifer Finalyson-Fife, one of our favorite teachers! Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a relationship & sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. She teaches online personal and sexual development courses. Today Jennifer answers our questions about modesty!
1:01 - Jennifer talks about the definition of modesty. We seem to have placed an emphasis on clothing rather than humility. She says that modesty is a way of managing the private and public aspects of our lives.
2:30 - Modesty is often incorrectly taken as women needing to be the gatekeepers of male sexuality.
3:30 - Because we have a firm position or standard on intimacy and sexuality in marriage, we tend to extrapolate things about sexual feelings and assume that such feelings need to be hidden and protected by women.
6:30 - Jennifer talks about when young men might experience sexual feelings and how they can manage such feelings.
7:28 - Jennifer then talks to females. She talks about the power in being desirable and avoiding the urge to take advantage of this power. She talks about focusing relationships on the relationships themselves.
9:22 - How you dress matters in different cultures. Jennifer shares an example of traveling to Turkey and noticing how her clothes were received by the people of Turkey. She talks about the importance of self respect and being aware of those around you, though it never makes you responsible for the actions of others.
12:46 - When we are younger in our development, we need a starting point for standards, even if we end up in a more nuanced understanding. Jennifer argues that adolescents still need rules and principles. She asks, "What is the larger goal?"
15:00 - Jennifer says that the opposite of love is fear. Our dress should reflect love and respect for ourselves and others.
16:00 - We can lean on the muscle of love and self respect and kindness. She talks about how we can teach these principles well.
17:00 - A deep respect and enjoyment of your body can co-exist with not flaunting your body.
17:55 - Choosing to dress with respect isn't necessarily being ashamed of ones body.
18:50 - Jennifer shares how parenting about modesty can be most effective. She gives an example about how her daughter responded to some teachings at church. She also shares a story of her son learning some ideas of shame.
23:00 - Jennifer talks about the importance of developing your own expressions of modesty.
23:40 - Jennifer shares with Sabrina her best piece of advice for raising a child.
Thanks for joining us, Jennifer!!
FOLLOW JENNIFER!
Website: www.finlayson-fife.com/
Instagram: / finlaysonfife
Facebook: / finlaysonfife
RU-vid: / @dr.finlayson-fife
SUBSCRIBE:
saintsunscripted/subscribe
Follow Us:
Facebook: / saintsunscripted
Instagram: / saintsunscripted
Website: saintsunscripted.com/
Follow the Hosts:
David: / davidesnell
Allex: / allex_lennon
Kaitlyn: / kait_fotheringham
Sabrina: / srhymasfuller
Cam: / camcondie
Lauren: / ladylaurencassidy
Wilson: / wilsongustaveson
Brett: / brett.fotheringham

Опубликовано:

6 дек 2023

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 114

@eirrenia 7 месяцев назад

Perhaps I’m unusual in that I was never taught growing up that I was a gatekeeper for anyone’s sexuality. I was, however, taught that what you choose to wear is a billboard to the world of how you want others to think of you, whether that’s in terms of career, status, sexuality, mood, creativity, activity, etc. So, whenever you step out into public be aware of the message you are sending, and realize that strangers, jerks, and creeps don’t walk around with blinders on.

@mowolfgramm6668 7 месяцев назад

😊

@davidfrey5654 7 месяцев назад

Yes! How you dress is how you want others to perceive you.

@eirrenia 7 месяцев назад

@@davidfrey5654 More like “how you dress is how you _will_ be perceived, whether that is your intention or not.” Too many, especially the young, assume that how _they_ perceive an outfit is how _everybody else_ will perceive it. Ex: There was pair of jeans I wanted so bad as a young teen, that had the sides cut out and then held together with X’s of denim only a little wider than belt loops. I was thinking in artistic/style terms. My mom had to point out the impression it would give. (Yes, I was more than a little naive at the time.)

@Bitter_Beauty_Music 7 месяцев назад

I always like to think before putting an outfit together or buying a new item of clothing "Am I trying have a cool outfit or am I trying to show off my body?" That's always settled whether or not I should wear something. I also love the idea that since my body is sacred, it should be kept for only me to see.

@kimberlytousley3450 7 месяцев назад

I love they mentioned importance of modesty at girls camp.❤❤❤

@johnwebb5402 7 месяцев назад

I've seen it a couple times in the comments, but I didn't really hear it in the episode, so I'll say it here. President Nelson once said, speaking about the Sabbath day: "...my conduct and my attitude on the Sabbath constituted a sign between me and my Heavenly Father. With that understanding, I no longer needed lists of dos and don’ts. When I had to make a decision whether or not an activity was appropriate for the Sabbath, I simply asked myself, 'What sign do I want to give to God?' That question made my choices about the Sabbath day crystal clear." (Russell M. Nelson, The Sabbath Is a Delight, General Conference, April 2015, Sunday Afternoon Session) I think the same can be said for modesty. The first commandment is to love God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind, and then the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. So first we can ask ourselves, "Is the way I dress pleasing to my Heavenly Father and my Savior?" After that, we can ask whether it's something we like, or how it affects others.

@SaintsUnscripted 7 месяцев назад

Great thoughts!

@davidfrey5654 7 месяцев назад

Thank you for sharing your comment. That comment from President Nelson really had an impact on me when I first heard him say it because it applies to all our behaviors. What sign do we want to send to God. That is an excellent tool to help make better decisions.

@talkofchrist 7 месяцев назад

6:33-8:30. Amazing! Absolutely what I believe. Put so well.

@brettmajeske3525 7 месяцев назад

We should go back a read some of Brigham Young's sermons on modesty. He was far more concerned over spending on expensive clothes than showing skin. He also used young women as an example of modesty for men who wanted expensive suits. The women were modest because they made their own clothes while the men bought theirs. A very different take. The modern views on modesty seem to be a reaction to the 1920s.

@pbw8384 7 месяцев назад

One of the best discussions on modesty I have heard, thank you.

@SaintsUnscripted 7 месяцев назад

Glad you liked it!

@DannyAGray 7 месяцев назад

Except that it's completely wrong

@lucyjackson3754 7 месяцев назад

Great Episode. Very helpful dialogue. 👍👍

@StompMom5 7 месяцев назад

Yup. Modesty is crucial for healthy boundaries and self respect. I've raised five children, three girls and two boys. Modesty was one thing I taught very early on. One of the main reasons.... I lived in Cali and had small children there. I took my kids to the beach often and one thing I noticed every single time was many young girls 10-16 wearing almost nothing. Guess who noticed them the most? The dirty, drunk old men just stared them down from head to toe in great detail. Made me sick!! My girls wore shorts to the beach never swimsuits and they loved it because they had more colors and sparkles👍😅. They're young adult now and modesty is still something they practice. Makes going to the temple and keeping garments on easier. But to this day I still go into stores and see very young girls wearing almost nothing while gross men are staring them down. The other day, it was a dude who had his belly hanging out of his shirt, probably 350 pounds or so. I don't think girls think of that when they're trying to look sexy. Anyway, I feel as morhers that it's our job to protect our children. It's our responsibility to teach them self respect, that their bodies are not for sale or on display. Yes, there's that level where we feel men have no self control but the reality is, most don't. Why is r-pe and p0rn such a big deal? Those are just the facts and no man is entitled to a womens body no matter what but they take it anyway. It's a sad truth! There are also really great honorable men and they don't want their wives flaunting themselves all over. At least the ones I've known😅

@user-iz7dq6us4m 7 месяцев назад

My Wife during this last Fast and Testimony unbuttoned her sweater save the top button for some reason because it was warm, and she goes up, Gives her Testimony it was very beautiful but as shes coming back I'm like...😦 The Symetry of her bust was drastically accentuated, and draws the eyes in if she hadnt had the sweater on at All. And I wouldnt comment in this detail with anybody else, but my wife before we joined used to wear Capris. And the type of Capris she wore created a certain affect on the Body that we would literally have fights over it because she didnt think it was a big deal until one day she said...wow you were right...😂

@jasonfletcher 7 месяцев назад

Would it be okay if the men leering at the you girls wearing not much were handsome you men?

@StompMom5 7 месяцев назад

@@user-iz7dq6us4mDang😂😂. I've been seeing a lot more women very willing to uncover at church and I don't get it. I barely know a temple recommend holder who still wears garments🤷‍♀️. I mean... too each their own. I just find my garments make my clothes more comfortable...especially my bra😅😅

@StompMom5 7 месяцев назад

@@jasonfletcherWhat I'm saying is...if young girls go out barely dressed knew who was looking at them I'm not sure they'd want to be entertaining such grossness. Hot guy or not, girls should show a little dignity, have some class. First thing that comes to mind when I see that kind of behavior is...where are their parents?

@user-iz7dq6us4m 7 месяцев назад

@@StompMom5 Yah I've observed the Utilitarian benefits of the under Appreciated Bra through 15 years of Marriage. Im shocked its becoming that Bad in terms of people not wearing Garments though...But yes a Friend mentioned a Lady from California and Part time SLC showing up to her wards Sacrament in a "Skin tight Dress, no Bra looking like she was about to burst." Why would a Married woman dress like that anyway? We are definitely a Church of Sinners in need of Grace, and Salvation. The irony of the Obsessive Perfectionist growing up in this Church, and finally comprehending Grace, and Losing their Faith in this Church only to become a Lutheran Minister is not without a sense of Irony. Even though Grace was there for them to see the entire time. They were just too busy trying to be Perfect they couldnt see...meanwhile in your ward thats a thing....😐

@Dandeeman26 7 месяцев назад

I have very mixed feelings on this. I appreciate women covering up. It does in fact make the law of chastity easier to follow both in major and more minor ways. I agree responsibility is on me. But if you grow up in a house of alcoholics it's much harder to choose sobriety. My point is environment does matter. No sexuality isn't something to be ashamed of but on the other hand it is most definitely to be controlled and not played with. If Im not supposed to look at certain body parts that by nature are attractive to me then please, please, please cover them up it prevents so much awkward circumstances. This is coming from a guy that has avoided pornography that has done his best to control thoughts it still makes a huge difference to me.

@sleepingwithcats5121 7 месяцев назад

And, this applies to men also.

@Dandeeman26 7 месяцев назад

@@sleepingwithcats5121 sure I have no issue with that. Guys need to be modest in speech, modest in spending, of course modest in dress and every other way. Modesty is to be respected.

@letsjustgetalong 7 месяцев назад

I agree. Even as a woman I appreciate when both sexes are modest in every way. We should respect each other by being modest. ❤

@StompMom5 7 месяцев назад

Totally agree!! The whole... "don't shame" immodest dress is not how I raised my kids. The world right now is a serious battleground where boldness is needed. Captain Moroni didn't mix words when he discussed chastity nor should we. Women should dress with class and dignity, Not as though they're going on the dessert display.

@elissajones5154 7 месяцев назад

I think there’s a balance. One point that my husband has made that I thought was interesting: growing up in Utah where most women were covered “ankle to wrist” so to speak; made it so much more shocking to him when he would go to the beach, for example, and women were in bikinis everywhere. He could hardly focus bc he was so enamored by it and sensitive to it. 😅 So, this might sound weird but I’m glad my sons are not so sensitive to women showing skin that they can’t even handle themselves when they see it. I’d rather them be desensitized to it, and therefore less judgmental about it. Does that make sense?

@maryjobell 7 месяцев назад

One of the best things we can do for our daughters and granddaughters is buy them sewing machines and get them sewing lessons. With the upgraded technology now-sewing no longer requires a super big learning curve to be an absolute blast! As a mom of six daughters, I've seen the merchandise offerings. They are pretty dismal. So often, we want to be modest and cute-but we are only offered the cute part. Learning how to make some simple skirts/dresses/ those adorable Japanese overalls, etc.-can all be done by learning to whip up some garments in any fabric or style you want! Let's give girls more control let's give them the new hot thing-sewing machines!

@clearstonewindows 7 месяцев назад

Good video guys. My wife and I are taking her courses.

@SaintsUnscripted 7 месяцев назад

That's great to hear!

@DannyAGray 7 месяцев назад

My wife and I took her course until we both realized how demonizing it is to men.

@prestonochsenhirt1246 7 месяцев назад

I just think it comes down to how you talk about it. Absolutely someone dressing more "sexy," to use her words, does not give anyone permission to make a sexual advance on the person. At the same time, I think these conversations still don't talk about how dressing "sexy" in a culture that absolutely ties more revealing attire to sexual arousal has a higher chance of receiving unwanted sexual attention. I just wish we would talk about the reality of both. It's not the woman's fault if she gets assaulted and also "sexy" clothes are deemed more sexual in our culture. That's why it's called "sex"-y. Being surrounded by people showing off every bit of their body in a math class is distracting. I can't believe that's a controversial statement. I've yet to see a conversation that addresses that objectively, and we kinda started to get into it, but not really

@joshuafusselman3323 7 месяцев назад

True. I like to put it in terms of respect and consideration. I can show respect and consideration to women by not making any advances or acknowledging that their clothing is provocative. And they, if they choose, can show consideration for boys and men by dressing modestly.

@jeremyb2120 7 месяцев назад

There's a time for everything. A time to be the center of attention and show oneself elegantly in beauty and there's most often the time to blend in and hide from attention. Stage performances, one's wedding day, times with family or vacation, these are times to show beauty and elegance. But most times cover. And when complimented, compliment back for that is modesty.

@joshuafusselman3323 7 месяцев назад

I feel that a distinction can be made between being the center of attention because you are obviously in the bride's dress or in the red dress on a stage versus being the center of attention and potential lust and awkward distraction because your dress is revealing. My wife's wedding dress was super pretty and elegant, and yet covered her from neck to ankle and wrist and wasn't so tight that it took a team to squeeze it onto her. 😊

@jeremyb2120 7 месяцев назад

@joshuafusselman3323 I'm glad you liked how your wife dressed for your wedding. Are you saying that modesty = how covered one is? That you can take a horse, cover it with stripes, and get a zebra? Won't it still be a horse, and won't a person still be narsisticly immodest though they be fully covered? Narsistic people are know it alls, and full of themselves. I think covering acts as a great disguise for some narcissistic people. Can't stand to be around them either. Was the wedding dress expensive? Was her hair braided nicely? Did she wear any jewelry or earrings? The Bible said to not have modesty with those things, and yet I find times when expensive things, braided hair, and jewelry are appropriate and not out of place. I concluded then that modesty; as in blending in and not getting attention, has its time and place as well as the immodest rare times we are supposed to receive attention.

@ovrair6340 7 месяцев назад

A saw the title of the video and immidiately thought of that quote from quaku in one of the first videos on the channel

@SaintsUnscripted 7 месяцев назад

You are a true OG if you remember that! 🤣

@lucasarbon3766 7 месяцев назад

Maybe it's just me but I've been in the church my whole life and I was only ever taught that my thoughts and my actions are no one's fault but my own. I definitely heard from friends in the young womens that they were taught to be modest to help the boys but I was never taught that it was a girls fault if I had thoughts about her. I was more led to believe that basically as a boy anything relating to the law of chastity was my fault. From what I was taught, I understood that girls were the innocent and virtuous ones. That we should look up to them, try to be like them, and not take advantage of them. There are problems with that take too but it's far from me not being responsible.

@DannyAGray 7 месяцев назад

Don't worry, this is actually what we were all taught. But Finlayson-Fife specializes in demonizing men and downplaying what women do.

@davidfrey5654 7 месяцев назад

@@DannyAGray Yes she does Danny!

@shandrews 7 месяцев назад

Loved this. I wished I had this language when I was raising my sons. I’ll do better with my daughter.

@joshuafusselman3323 7 месяцев назад

Great points made in this discussion about how the body is beautiful and not shameful and men can never use immodesty as an excuse to assault a woman. A couple of my thoughts: I believe that if we encourage our children from an early age to wear clothes that could cover garments, by the time they are endowed it will be less difficult to wear garments. Whereas if they are accustomed to wearing sleeveless shirts and short shorts, I imagine that changing out their whole wardrobe will be a major adjustment. I think it is a great quest for us men to learn to control our thoughts. I feel that most girls and even many women have no idea how hard it is for us. It shows a lot of kindness and respect toward others to dress modestly. It's great to be able to talk to people and listen to them and not be distracted by their bodies.

@vendingdudes 7 месяцев назад

Bingo on every point

@davidfrey5654 7 месяцев назад

Yes, great points. I see so many young people who were married in the temple simply and who are still active choosing not to wear their garments on a regular basis and I sometimes I wonder why. I think you hit one good reason, they were never brought up to dress modestly so the transition is very difficult.

@BlueJayBirdSaint 7 месяцев назад

Modesty is a paramount virtue. It will always protect people, one way or other.

@TheMormonSorceress 3 месяца назад

I was taught that my body is a temple and I must respect it like how I respect god who made me. Perhaps this was meant to teach children about self-respect?

@BlueJayBirdSaint 3 месяца назад

@@TheMormonSorceress To some extent, it does. But it goes even beyond.

@brendonwishart3721 5 месяцев назад

Discussions surrounding modesty and chastity in church sometimes makes me feel physically undesirable as a man; that our bodies are not beautiful or that we shouldn’t appreciate them as a gift in the same way. I distinctly remember being taught in Sunday School as a youth that the teaching in the scriptures that our bodies are sacred like temples mostly applies to women because their bodies are beautiful and works of art and that men’s bodies aren’t. I still remember 10 years later how that made me feel. I was made to feel that my masculinity was ugly and physically repulsive. These and other teachings have led to intense feelings of shame around my body and how it looks as a young teen as well as the feeling that I won’t ever be sexually desirable as a man; that the most I can ever hope for from a future partner is lukewarm physical attraction simply because I’m a man. Overtime, I have grown mostly out of that and have learned confidence and to love and appreciate my body. I just think it’s important for men to feel attractive and desired too and that they have bodies to be proud of that are sacred and beautiful and need to be maintained healthy and taken care of and shared only when the timing is right. Modesty shouldn’t only apply to women, but we live in a society that unfortunately oversexualizes everything. I’ll end with an ancient quote from Socrates: “It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”

@elissajones5154 7 месяцев назад

One point that my husband has made that I thought was interesting: growing up in Utah where most women were covered “ankle to wrist” so to speak; made it so much more shocking to him when he would go to the beach, for example, and women were in bikinis everywhere. He could hardly focus bc he was so enamored by it and sensitive to it. 😅 So, this might sound weird but I’m glad my sons are not so sensitive to women showing skin that they can’t even handle themselves when they see it. I’d rather them be alittle exposed to it, and therefore less judgmental about it. Does that make sense?

@joshuafusselman3323 7 месяцев назад

Desensitization is a big part of this issue. I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, it is kind of sad to have to be desensitized in order to operate within society. It's a loss. But short of everyone choosing to be modest, even in swimwear, there doesn't seem to be any other way.

@TheTaysoren 7 месяцев назад

An interesting point, and I agree to a degree. When it's new, and you've never been exposed, no experience at control has ever been gained. Desensitized is not the right word though, I'd say exposure is probably a better word. You can NEVER "desensitize" a man to those things; that be like being desensitized to eating. We learn self control through instruction... and, unfortunately, exposure. So I agree with you, but "desensitize" is the wrong word.

@adamb7230 7 месяцев назад

I really like this lady. I think it’s dumb to teach girls to be modest FOR the men but it is true that immodesty affects men. We should all be responsible for ourselves. BUT, I think I speak for a lot of men that are hurt by these types of conversations because it feels invalidating of how hard it is for us to control these feelings that are literally baked into our biology. It’s like, sure defend the girls here, but what about the men that are so depressed because they have tried their entire life to not feel sexual feelings and can’t do it? This is MOST men and we do appreciate modesty because it helps us.

@joshuafusselman3323 7 месяцев назад

Liked "baked into our biology"!

@davidfrey5654 7 месяцев назад

JFF is a self-professed feminist.

@bluedreams517 7 месяцев назад

Personally I don't think one is not supposed to have sexual feelings. We're to bridle and direct, not stamp it out. Guiding sexual feelings in general is difficult. I had very, very high sex drive in my 20's and teens. It was the most obnoxious and difficult on my mission (probably cuz you can't even hug the opposite sex. There's literally no place for expression). It got to the point that I struggled to focus on just about anything but sexual thoughts at times, especially during slow times. I found ways to manage and then found the reigns to my very potent "horse" strangely when I had a revelatory testimony moment where I testified of Christ and how the Law of Chastity taught me of Him. I could finally guide it, though by no means was it not there and I would have other challenges with it post mission. You may be picturing me as a man and you'd be wrong. Guiding and reigning in sexual desire is hard for both men and women....we just assume it's harder for men than women. I empathize with you figuring out how to handle your sexual desires because I've been there. :)

@hpagalla 7 месяцев назад

True 😅 many like this in Indonesia😅 sometime seeing them.. Makes me sad 😢

@RyanMercer 7 месяцев назад

👍👍

@TheMormonSorceress 3 месяца назад

Wonder if immodesty is connected to mental illnesses (Like depression). I remember watching a reality TV show about trouble and angry kids sent to strict houses to work with the kids to help them. In one episode two kids were sent to live with an Indian family and the mother was strict when it came to women and clothing. When out shopping for proper clothes the strict mother finds out the girl is not really interested in the beautiful clothing because she has low self-esteem problems. Maybe people like her to dress like that to cope or make up for their insecurities? Just a Theory btw.

@MusicBlik 7 месяцев назад

Not a comment on the message, but why doesn't the camera show more than one person at a time?

@SaintsUnscripted 7 месяцев назад

When we redesigned our set, we opted to make it less awkward for our guests and help foster more natural conversations by spacing out the seats so that each person more naturally faces one another. This new setup has required us to utilize different camera angles.

@MusicBlik 7 месяцев назад

@@SaintsUnscripted That makes total sense! I was just actively waiting for the camera to cut to a wide shot so I could see everyone at once, but it never came. Eventually I found myself analyzing the lighting to determine whether the three of you were even in the same space! I suppose I discovered I depend on the wide shot very heavily to contextualize the dynamics of the conversation.

@vendingdudes 7 месяцев назад

@@MusicBlikso apparently one camera bad for guests, two cameras better. Nevermind that a third camera has been the norm for sitcoms and talk shows so the guests AND viewers have the best experience for 70 years

@peytoncrown1465 7 месяцев назад

First!

@RyanMercer 7 месяцев назад

Congrats. It's rare for someone to beat me.

@phalenkell8762 7 месяцев назад

I’m sorry but as a man who grew up in the church my whole life, I was always taught that I alone was responsible for my sexual purity. We were of course aware of how women were supposed to dress but we were never taught they were the ones to blame. I don’t think that has been taught in the church for a long time. This issue has devolved into modesty bad because “the patriarchy “ change the way you teach the young women sure, but let’s stop blaming the men for everything. And yes modesty in dress is in the scriptures in multiple places.

@Los-pf3bi 7 месяцев назад

You are a man and should not have an opinion on what a woman wears. It is better to just appreciate it when a woman looks sexy and exciting.

@m4oni 7 месяцев назад

She said amazing things. Also, I think Dr Fife was a missionary in Spain, Seville 30ish years ago.

@Bob-sm3bs 7 месяцев назад

When a man or woman dresses immodestly, it can make it more difficult for others to behave in a correct way. Certainly, no one can make another sin. But when the fight or flight response is triggered, it can be so easy to bury the light of Christ instead of seeing the trial and learning and growing from it. All men and women have a responsibility to dress modestly to protect those who may not resist the temptation when it is presented.

@ammonethington7282 7 месяцев назад

Covering up your Garments is another reason to be modest. If you fill your entire wardrobe with clothing that you can’t wear with your Garments then it will be way harder to want to wear your garments.

@StompMom5 7 месяцев назад

Yep. My sister in law is on good things Utah and she trashed her garments because they covered too much skin. Generally a better habit to dress modest to begin with

@DannyAGray 7 месяцев назад

That's the entire point of teaching YW modesty early; to help them set aside the fashion of the world in favor of clothes that will accommodate their garments later. Or, at least, that point should be emphasized more.

@DannyAGray 7 месяцев назад

18:05 Adam to God: No, we're not wearing these leaves for you, we're doing it for our power. Stop being so simple-minded, or we'll sick Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on you!

@talkofchrist 7 месяцев назад

I'm trying to summarize. Young men and women: your bodies are amazing; your youthful sexuality is awesome and exciting, not evil! Have respect for others, and learn to be in control of yourself. Don't make situations and relationships all about sex or your sexuality. It's just one part of life.

@user-iz7dq6us4m 7 месяцев назад

The Eye is a very powerful Tool. I dont know if your aware of this, but there are things about the Human Eye which can process information subconsciously very quickly. Usually if I see something I didnt want to see I Just kinda make this Face 😠 discreetly to myself and move on. Its not directed at the Person, but its more like how it makes me feel inside. My Cousins who arent Members I cant even look at them sometimes because of how they dress, I dont want that information in my Brain, and back in the 80s, and 90s Women overall dressed more modestly. Best conversation I had was with a Muslim Woman about the Book of Mormon predominantly because there was nothing to see Indirectly, or Directly. You would be amazed at what the Human Eye is Capable of seeing, and sending too the Brain. If the Brain has been conditioned improperly (Pornography)its even worse. If I grew up with a Bunch of Sisters with Good Parents I might not have the problems I have. But its my Problems to Solve not yours to change, but I do appreciate Modesty.

@StompMom5 7 месяцев назад

Very well said!! In a perfect world we'd have complete control over our brains but reality is, controlling speed at which images can travel takes loads of practice time that most don't bother with. That's the reason I raised my girls to be modest because what the eye beholds travels to the brain faster than we can blink.

@akpred 7 месяцев назад

Watching this makes me realize how lucky I was that I was never taught that my modesty was in any way because of the boys. Physical modesty was because God thinks that that is important, especially for women. Not because the boys couldn't control themselves it was to elevate myself to God

@DannyAGray 7 месяцев назад

20:25 Let's be very clear: a parent's words and allowances do not supercede the standards their kids are being taught through church. Yes, Jennifer should have been way more involved in what her daughter was being taught at church - not to override what is taught, or to say, "that doesn't fit my child," but instead to sustain those teachings and reflect it and expect it for her daughter.

@jum5238 7 месяцев назад

Depends on what is being taught. I've had scout leaders take the boys out to get a non-alcoholic beer. What's that teaching? Well, I learned to pollute, when I tossed it out the back of the truck. (okay, not the best choice, but a better choice than drinking it and pretending that it's beer with the other kids/guys)

@DannyAGray 7 месяцев назад

@@jum5238 I'm not sure how your story equates to what I've said. What gospel standard was being taught on that occasion, or was it simply a scout activity (and a dumb one at that - perhaps another example of why it's good we don't do such a program anymore)? Is the gospel standard was regarding the word of wisdom, I would hope you would uphold that standard. But I'm not seeing the connection you're trying to make to what I said.

@dannyrocket77 7 месяцев назад

Modest is the Hottest!

@topazblahblah 7 месяцев назад

Men should control their thoughts and dress modestly. Likewise, women should cover up as an expression of love for God and the Savior. The one thing said here that is a resounding truth is how does the way I dress impact others.

@zionmama150 7 месяцев назад

Telling women to cover up is important and it does NOT send the message that men can’t control themselves. It IS easier to manage one’s thoughts when not constantly seeing immodest dress. And we ought to tell men to cover up too.

@Dandeeman26 7 месяцев назад

Thank-you can't agree more. People are graying lines that are black and white.

@zionmama150 7 месяцев назад

@@Dandeeman26 that’s the job of the wolves in the church

@davidfrey5654 7 месяцев назад

@@Dandeeman26 JFF is good at that.

@Dandeeman26 7 месяцев назад

@@davidfrey5654 I hope I'm misinterpreting her theories but seems like it.

@jasonfletcher 7 месяцев назад

This is one lens to look through. Didn't you think to include a man in this discussion? Men are only mentioned as people blaming women for reacting when women use their wiles. Yes women do that. And teenage women do it a lot. Using your wiles and feelings good about how you look are an intersection on a venn diagram. It's important to be honest about this truth. Is it shaming honestly discuss reality? If you're at the beach and an attractive girl in a tiny bikini keeps bending over IN FRONT of your husband / boyfriend / son are you only worried about his reaction? Does she have any piece of what's going on? Are you shaming her if you wish she wouldn't do that? It's an extreme example but hopefully illustrates a point. It's not just how men react that's the issue. You are careful to be respectful of other religions / traditions / cultures when they are open about women using their wiles, but within our culture it's shaming. And yes the scriptures do talk about modesty. Peter and Paul both mentioned it.

@StompMom5 7 месяцев назад

Women absolutely play a roll in this. Now don't get me wrong, men need to take responsibility for their own actions. But If a girl in a tiny swimsuit is at the beach bending over, we're moving to another part of the beach, it's plenty big and there's no reason to stay and watch. Women these days have no class, throw themselves out there then complain the guys are looking. There's definitely been a shift in modesty and not for the better

@DannyAGray 7 месяцев назад

Men aren't important to JFF. We're dogs to her. And, as other episodes of SU have demonstrated, someone on their staff shares that view.

@sleepingwithcats5121 7 месяцев назад

It would have been nice to have a man in the discussion and this also goes for men dressing a certain way or showing off muscles and so on, us women can be excited and we have a creative mind as well, we can be enticed. And, dressing modestly, to me, is not just about the opposite sex, its for God and Jesus, to show Them respect.

@DannyAGray 7 месяцев назад

Yes, but Dr. JFF likes to demonize men and excuse the idea that women get excited about men, too. In her book and podcast, it's very clear that she thinks men are dogs and women can do no wrong.

@D-Flin 7 месяцев назад

Why do women think Christian men aren’t taught to take accountability for our thoughts? Jesus literally taught us that. He that looketh upon a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery in his heart. Sometimes we might avoid situations because we understand our own weakness. Modesty helps reduce those situations.

@cumomsandcureloms 7 месяцев назад

Yes, modesty isn't just about dress, but that ought to be the easiest part

@adrianbenito2233 7 месяцев назад

wow! modesty is crucial, it is normal to have sexual feelings but say a man is a married man who only wants to think about his wife or other staff but, then!, there is a woman showing her body and her surgery... it's really uncomfortable because men live a reality that is almost a dictatorship. It's not about controling ourselves, it's more about not having our own masculine nature abused.

@adrianbenito2233 7 месяцев назад

Of course there are ways to overcome those negative influences but then women should not complain when men are trying to develop current of thoughts that blind them from the wrong messages they are sending. The women of the world, I don't know about the church are making men turn their backs on them because we are born to lead and that means no manipulation. I see church girls wanting to have a relaxed bahavious wanting to seem like the conservative girls of the world, what will go next?

@StompMom5 7 месяцев назад

Other staff?? So your wife and other staff?? Hmmm....if there's another staff then the pretty woman's surgery is irrelevant😆. Maybe just the wife, not the other staff

@butthatsnottrue. 7 месяцев назад

this is kind of true. Modesty isnt a big deal. We need the men to get over sex. The mormon women are beautiful and we gotta deal with this. Its a strength and we need to put responsibility on the men not the women. God is not judging you he wants you to pay attention to whats going on with you so that you can see the right way to go.