What Hallucinating is Like | My Recent Developments 

My son has extreme hallucinations. The other day he called for help because he believed he’d swallowed a blanket. I explained that it wouldn’t be possible in this reality. It would be physically too difficult to eat a whole blanket. He considered what I said and called it a ‘blur’ experience. He has loud conversations all day with people I can’t see. Some almost friendly but most just stupid thugs. I believe these are real things but in an adjacent reality. Books and interviews by Jerry Marzinsky are very helpful in understanding what’s going on. I have the utmost respect for you and for other people that can cope with this and hold down a job and a life. You’re playing this game of life on a whole other level!

That dreamlike state is called derealization/depersonalization. It's a part of dissociating. I believe many of these disorders, Bi Polar, BPD, psychosis, schizophrenia, are on the spectrum of dissociation. I have D.I.D and can hear all my alters talking. We would lose time regularly before cultivating co consciousness. I can go into our inner world at night in lucid dreams and we do a lot of our healing there. We are all coming together, learning to respect and love each other and be grateful for each other. We are well along in the integration process which is a natural and organic process. I've always been able to communicate with those who have died and sometimes see them as solid. They usually want me to give a message to loved ones and when I do, they're happy and go on their way. With the D.I.D, what helps is to understand that our brain is not trying to hurt us or scare the crap out of us. If we become afraid of our mind, things will get much, much worse. It all changed for us when we realized the flashbacks, nightmares, body memories, etc. are trying to help us heal and integrate all parts of ourselves. We had some very hostile and homicidal/suicidal parts in our system. They held the most hurt and rage at the horrific abuse we were subjected to. They ended up becoming some of the most helpful in our healing process. Doing the inner work to resolve the conflicts within and coming to acceptance for our whole self, the good, the bad and the ugly, by cultivating compassion for all of us is what changed things for us. We got off all medications finally as well. Despite the beliefs in the medical field, people can heal from any of these disorders, they are not set in stone and not who we are. Many people could at least get much better, but it is a long, slow and very difficult process.

The 'dreamlike tilt' is a perfect description for my experience with psychosis. TY for sharing making this videos.

Love you so much and thanks for your conntent. There is almost no information about Schizophrenia and Bipolar out there on yt. The only channel that has this topic is living well with schizophtenia. I am sure you know her. I just find it so refreshing that more people start to talk about it. You deserve way more views! Your Video quality is also very high

My whole psychosis was the feeling of everything being unreal 🙊 so I know exactly what you are talking about.

Thank you so much for another helpful video. You are so brave! I often think I can taste food in my mouth. I used to think it was a food craving but I’ve realized I sometimes taste food I’m not crazy about, like eggs. I also have trouble reading because I see faces of strangers in my mind that distract me.and I often hear random words or bits of conversation that are thankfully neutral. Thank you Kit for being so open about your symptoms.

Great video, Kit. I have hallucinations, very "real" people -- and animals 🙃 -- I know exist only in my brain. Usually comforting. Except when I accidentally tell a real person about something one of my hallucination "pals" did as if it really happened. Quick backtracking then

I've never hallucinated before, but the way you described your experiences with hallucinations (both auditory and visual) were so clear that it was really easy to imagine. I also thought you described the "tilty dreamlike feeling" you get in those moments really well. It reminded me a little of that eerie feeling I get when I'm watching The Matrix and Neo experiences a glitch (not sure if that's accurate at all but that's just where my mind immediately went.) It sounds like it would be pretty scary to experience those moments. (Especially while coming off an elevator alone... elevators can be creepy enough as it is.) I also hope that this doesn't get any worse and that it doesn't have a significant impact on living your life. Trying to find that balance between treating symptoms vs. avoiding side effects with meds must be really difficult, so I hope your current dose keeps working well enough for you. Thank you so much for putting all of this out there - I know it's going to be really helpful and relatable to people! I definitely learned a lot from watching it.

You're so brave. Your honesty is your greatest asset. As long as you're honest about what you are feeling and expressing, that in and of itself is healing. Stay on the path. You're going to make it. New medications are being formulated all the time. People do get better.

You know its so interesting because almost all of my auditory hallucinations happen externally in the outside world.instead of in my head. It's so fascinating to me how different all of our experiences are with this illness. And also, the way you explain the tilty-dreamy kind of dichotomy is spot on for me especially when I was building up to my recent episode. I would hear someone yell my name in the train station on the way to work or I would hear someone clearing their throat in my room alone at like 6am and it would shift the feeling of the entire day ahead. Almost like a derealization kind of thing or like a general detachment from reality. I noticed that the dreamy effect really only happened with me leading up to the psychotic episode and less during the actual episode itself. Everyone is different though, especially when it comes to psychotic disorders / experiences.

That dreamlike feeling happens to me mostly without hallucinations. It’s weird because it sometimes turns on like a switch, and it affects my thinking instantly (even though I realize it). It’s like I’ve stepped into a parallel universe where the rules of reality are different, and everything is suspicious or a secret message.

Yes, I tend to sleep strange hours and my sense of time gets out of whack! I get up from sleeping and I am not sure what day of the week it is! Sometimes I am not sure if I am dreaming or awake! I feel like if I went to my bedroom I would see myself still sleeping! I can’t say I experience the shadow thing but I know I see things from the corner of my eye! The thing is that being a creative person I tend to think it’s my brain on overload or it working even when I wish it would shut down or at least slow down and give me a rest!

I have a daughter who struggles with this terrifying illness. We pray a lot. I lay my hands on her & they go away for a little while. She is on tegretol. There is a new drug coming available this summer. It is KarXT treats both positive & negative symptoms. God bless you sweetheart & I will keep you in my prayers. 🙏🏻💕

When my scary type hallucinations started back in 2020, they started out subtle and at first I tried to ignore it but, within three months it had intensified to the point of terror. It got to the point that I couldn't tell myself anymore that it wasn't real. I knew what it was and tried to fight it under my own power. I even tried tapping into my grandiosity because I was so frustrated and scared and angry by that point that I thought I was like a saiyan. What I did was foolish and only made things worse. It wares you down until you become too tired to be as afraid as you normally would. That's usually when the sarcasm and making smartass remarks at it starts which only makes it worse. When I finally realized that my fantasy super powers really were a delusion that I couldn't lie to myself about any more and that I couldn't fight this thing on my own, I turned to God who helped me but, because of my phobias my fears kept getting triggered again and again which would cause the attacks to start up again. So, yeah I knew that it was spiritual attacks and in 2021 my pastor told me not to worry and that he had been through something very similar, that helped me to calm down. I have caught some things on audio recordings and a few things on video but, it was pretty much low level creepy stuff. Just enough that I knew it was like a game was being played with me but, I would never be able to prove it. So, it still happens sometimes but, mainly in the form of noises in my bedroom or some other parts of the house like knocking under the floor or from within walls or tactile hallucinations like roaches crawling on my skin. The nightmares and bad dreams have been the worst though.

The first time I experienced anything like that outside my head was so distressing and left me in anguish that I feared having them. Although the meds lessen the blow I still feel that I will not be able to be "used" to them. Also I had to remember that is still just my head messing with me and mindful meditation helps bridge the distance thing.

I started with the shadow people in my 20s. They'd even come right next to my face and taunt me. Creaking floors that are concrete, or even outside my window. Construction noises in the garage and spirits that live in the oven that even the dogs bark at. there were phantom voices and shoveling sounds outside my window all night. I thought I was livi8ng in a ghost story and had special powers. I kept it to myself until my late 40s where I had an extreme physical problem that sent me into a spiraling psychosis where I lost all of my special powers to control it all. But in all of the mess of this I find great comfort in my hallucinations and dissociations. There was a time that they kept me safe and there was a time that they were helpful in my life. If I were to lose them I would lose me.

I have been hallucinating over the last 6 months or so. I have long Covid, and my worst symptom is that I cannot sleep, and I cannot wake up. After months of this, hallucinations have become common. I do know that I am hallucinating, but I understand your description about the surreality of it all. The most important thing is to not stress about it. The less stressed you are about them, the less likely they are to be scary. I have even started to watch them on purpose. It is amazing to me what our minds are capable of doing. One time, I saw a maze in my carpet. I followed it with my eyes for a long time, and it never shifted. It felt like I was seeing the truth of something while also feeling like a dream. This may sound scary, but it was not since I knew what it was and what it was not.

I don't know if it's real life or me most of the time . I can't tell the difference , until someone's like wtf are you talking about ?

I remember my first experience with a psychotic episode. It was over thirty years ago. It was seriously bizzare and developed over a period of three months. The last 5 days of it were without sleep. I think thats what finally did me in. I felt as though people were communicating with me telepathically. Now the whole event seems to be fading from memory. Over the years with the pschotherapy and meds its all moved into the past and all I hear now is whispers that I try to identify and push away. I still have problems feeling grandiose sometimes, which I know people dislike and I have to gently push away. I fear people think I'm trying to play God sometimes. It was a thing I was into growing up. Spiritual quest, religion, that sort of thing, but I wasn't in the church. I was actually try to cure myself of anxiety which didn't seem to work. At some point I became angry with myself and almost became atheist. Instead I became hard core agnostic. I still have some intrest in religion but now I find it bewildering and left in dismay. Or I would say there are a lot of things I just don't want to beleive. And great leaps of faith just aren't for me anymore. There's just too much danger where the imagination takes off, and the "actual" world is left behind. I'm finding enough morality in humanism and the legal justice system to leave it be.

I have a lot of lucid dreams and a common theme of my psychosis is me struggling to know whether I’m in a dream or whether I’m in reality and sometimes even leads to me believing that there is not reality and everything is just some form of dream or that everything is reality. Obviously this can be a dangerous way of thinking and one of the ways I combat it is by going to a mirror and seeing if I can change my features, because when I’m lucid dreaming I can change things about my body but in reality I of course cannot, sometimes this fails me but it still helps other times. I also often the feeling like I’m dreaming even when I’m fully aware that I’m in reality and I honestly don’t know how to make the feeling go away, I typically try to think of it in a positive light or I do breathing exercises and try to bring my attention to something else like journaling.

I'm with you Kit!!! Ty for making these videos :)

I appreciate these videos a lot

i'm 36, a male, and my mental constitution is strong. I encounter all of what you describe. Don't worry, I caught it at 18 after an event in Budapest. It came first, the voices, but I kind of felt they were fake. I had a giddy dreamlike state. And that was exactly what I said to them. They responded with something that would do harm to tell you about. However, whatever they said is completely unimportant to your life. I've seen Shadow People very much, but after I was 26 they only came around to make a big show of it. Lots of screamin faces breaking out of walls were common, as were more disgusting things I shall not describe. Horrible Halloween costume night was fun, on Halloween. I went home from a party early and my former friends all visited me in costumes that could only be conceived in imagination. I played with a ghost dog, everything was black and white, giddy dreamlike state. Got it? As soon as your mind starts to enter that dreamlike space, reality check yourself, I would say "ground yourself", the best way you know how with some solid facts. Realize that dreamlike feeling is an invitation to let your unconscious free associate, play, a bit. At my age, over 16 years, I've managed to develop a report and keep control of myself. It feels like you're almost on a runaway train. The air for the brakes is low, you can barely bighole it safely, gonna fly down a mountain unless the engineer (driver, you, casey jones) takes precautions and manages his brakes well. I am so sorry this is happening and I ask everything of every conceivable angel not to let this digress into something like I have.

Our Creator and Father from the Christian Bible is with you. Who can be against you? I used to be afraid before I got saved. But I am not anymore. Even if I die so what? Our Heavenly Father does not let anything happen to us that He is against. If bad things happen it is because He has agreed for it to happen, even though He might not like it. Our Holy Father is in control, we should never be afraid. Actually, when I am afraid I ask our Heavenly Father to forgive me. It is a lack of trust to be afraid. A lack of trusting He is always there for us, and keeps our back. G-d bless you all.

sooo good to See You Kit! as always very interesting video. Got addicted to your channel! but this is addiction I don't want to fight with ❤ love You!

I can't help with most of the hallucinations, but the sound of people talking could be an illusion instead of hallucination. There's a disorder (there's three different names I've come across, the easiest to remember is musical ear syndrome) where your brain finds patterns in white noise (like the bathroom fan) and transforms it into sounds like the television is on in the next room, or music. It's most prominent in very creative people. Audio pareidolia is another name, but the definition seems to indicate actively searching for patterns. That one also has a visual pareidolia seeing shapes, like fleeting figures and movements from reflections or other visual data. Feeling like you're in a dream sounds a bit like seeing the world from behind your eyes. It's a perception/disconnect that I often get when I'm really depressed, or when I've accidentally taken my medication twice. I don't have schizoaffective disorder, but bipolar comes with it's own interesting side effects. Of course, it could be a delusion that I'm not hallucinating sounds, but that sounds like the best delusion a person could have.

You are simply the best. Thanks for sharing and encouraging mental health patients.

Someone in the comments mentioned DP/DR, I do kind of agree with the feeling of it happening almost outside of you. You still hear it, see it, &c. but it's felt to me almost like it's happening AT me.

My psychiatrist says that feeling, smelling, seeing things that are not there is just a very vivid imagination. I know I probably do not have schizoaffective disorder and definitely do not have schizophrenia, but still, I do experience illusions. Rapidly moving shadows are sort of a usual thing for me, as well as odd smells, sounds, big spiders, etc. Perhaps I am just schizotypal, but those things are beyond a vivid imagination in my opinion. That tilted feeling also is my usual state, not related to illusions though - it's just there most of the time.

I feel that distrust too, usually if I'm not sure if something is real or not.

good video kitz!

Thank you for your channel. I’m diagnosed with unspesified psychosis, but feel like I’m on the schizo spectrum. I don’t hallusinate all the time, but I do recognice a lot of the symptons you describe, such as voices and shadow people. I also get confused with what’s hallusinations and reality quite often. Best wishes from me❤️

Thank you for sharing. You are super strong.

I used to see shadow people too. I just was the bad guy in several situations and they keep my wicked heart not see hallucinations. Want to keep from having hallucinations? Control your heart and do what you want to do in life. Its your life, you dont have to see things in it.

Hi Kit, thanks for the video :) I'm afraid I can't relate to your hallucinations since I can't recall mine when I had them (it was like I'm piloting my body and somebody turns on autopilot for a while, and I'm totally not in control of the plane, only later I hear from other people what I was doing, and yes, it's kinda scary but at least I didn't cause any trouble so far, thankfully). However I do believe finding the appropriate dosage of meds is important, recently I went from 7,5 mg of zyprexa to 10 mg and, honestly, I was starting to turn into a vegetable, so yesterday I decided to go back to 7,5. My mother's on 5 mg and when our doctor decreased her dose to 2,5 mg she started having positive symptoms again so we got her back to 5 mg and thankfully she's perfectly ok on that dose. My father even suggested I try 5mg but I don't wanna risk it, I'm content with 7,5mg. So yeah, finding correct dose is very important if you ask me. Thanks again for making these videos and I really wish you and everyone here good health :)

Thank you 4 sharing thank you so much. New subscriber here and son of mum who is also SAD and is currently going through an episode (literally as I type this she is inside with her make believe baby??) Uv just helped me kinda see it more from her perspective (if that makes any sense at all??) I really hope u r doing well im going to binge watch ur videos to help me better understand all of this. She refuses to take her meds so ???? idk. Thank u for sharing.

I've delt with this and it scars me so much

I have seen shadow people I am and so did a cna at the nursing home I’m am 66 and have suffer with sepsis which almost took my life I lost my ability to walk I went though therphy now I can walk with a walker but not for long distance my left leg is not totally working normal I struggle with depression and anxiety

How do you know the voices and shadows aren't real beings? Im sure you’ve heard people speak about the similarity between shamanism and what we classify metal illness. Jerry Marzinsky has an interesting take on it.

Man I would love to talk to you about my auditory hallucinations. It would blow your mind...mine dont always sound like they are inside my head and it has put me in some BAD situations.

I hope that your symptoms improve instead of worsen. 🙏❤️

You are clearly intelligent, but you again hallucinate. My theory is, that there is body and soul, which is nothing new. In my theory people like you and me possess a body or brain which is more open to new souls to enter from time to time. More open for a new spirit, mind or conciousness to enter, especially if things are not going too well, too much stress, or too little money ...etc. My current personality is the third in my lifetime, I would say probably the best thus far. If you are doing well generally, the body does not want to release you. But if you lead a rather bad life, your body might rebel against your soul and want to release you and you might experience psychosis again, with the demons and God. I became deeply depressed from out of the blue in 2006, before that I was a happy guy. (I believe now there was some soul transfer there) I had my psychosis back in 2017 and it was full-blown. Like police took me from the streets that bad. Since then I feel like new. I had a much-much smaller one, maybe we can call it that, a tiny relapse in 2021. Nothing really happened, I just heard occasionally some noises (maybe it was a poltergeist), when I closed my eyes I could see skulls, alien-like spirits from the afterlife. They weren't that unfriendly, maybe just curious about me. But it didn't evolve into psychosis, just a little reminder perhaps. I feel the same spirit since 2017. I am not really afraid of psychosis anymore, sometimes I even wish for a gentle, mild version of it (not the hardcore version, I rather live this life till 80 years old than that again). A new spirit can enter my body again, because I'm a bit tired of my life. I enjoyed it right after my psychosis, like 2017-2021 I was quite happy. But then came the covid and war and the situation pulled me down a bit. I don't have depression (I know what that is from memory), but I'm just a bit tired of my life. Nothing else, just tired and bored. I'm getting old. I wish a kind ghost came, I just leave my body and change places with a kind ghost or angel. A spirit would bring new enthusiasm in this life, I would accept that, because this body maybe deserves better.🥰

I've had and still have hallucinations as bad as anyone I believe. I drew some today and afterwards had a slew of images in my mind. I bought a book called In praise of folly but I think maybe my foolishness was very destructive. I suffer a loss of light, whatever that even means.

I smell tea while working late at night, but thats just me craving. Sometimes i feel sum1 standing behind me while working. So i usually pray n praying has helped me more than meds ever did

I've been single my adult life and when I get dramatic and say to myself "I hate everybody" I get a voice in my heady straight away saying I like so and so stop lying I won't complain when where married etc (I've had a musician crush in the media for years as I'm also a musician) and the voice might sound normal but for years I thought people were helping me by hipnotizing me so a nurse could stay with me without me knowing and she would be narrating these helpful hints to me... More plausable than it sounds but anyway... Have a good day ... When the voices are nice or just not horrible ones it's a good day 😀 by by

I get the hallucination of hearing people having conversations about me all the time. It's really unsettling. The key is to remind yourself that it's a hallucination. I try to ignore it. But it can be Very scary.

There are cameras that have recorded paranormal events that have nothing to do with mental health.

I never thought about the audio and other sensory perceptions that hallucinations can take. Always just think visually. Maybe you've talked about this before but how is it at cons and crowded social events? Sending positive vibes for positive hallucinations.

I noticed something that comes right before an episode of hearing or seeing things. I wonder if any one else has experienced this? When I close my eyes there is a kaleidoscope of colors in my head. It's very bright and precisely geometric. It moves and changes and it's kinda fun to watch the colors and shapes change. The problem is that a couple of days after this starts........I begin seeing shadow animals and little people. Also hear things, turn around and no one is there. Oh, and I can Never smoke pot, because it will trigger an episode. I take Venaflaxin and Bupropion. Used to take Seroquel daily too. Im a depressive with episodes of schizoaffective. If it lasts more than 2 weeks I get back on Seroquel. So far feeling good, although I have a very low tolerance for stress and dissociate when overwhelmed.

I have major visual hallucinations, some of them is occuring like I see dead people (corpses), shadow people, demons and some creatures. I'm pretty used to it at this point and I also don't have all hallucinations at one time. Like my standart per day is being in dreamlike state, seeing some patterns moving, sometime a corpse (or 5) and my 'imaginary' friend. I have some ways to reality check, I have my own totem (like in Inception).

I've been experiencing some auditory and visual hallucinations it's been some months. Now, is it because of my meds or do I have something else going on? My psychiatrist is still figuring that out, but I did used to have some visual and auditory hallucinations even before taking medications. When I was in high school I'd see things in the corner of my eyes, which led me to have to use a fabric to cover my side vision when I was using the computer that stood at the end of a corridor at my house. Also it's been like 1 year since I started hearing a voice inside my head that yells "WATCH OUT!" and that makes me scared af because I'd think it was some kind of angel or spirit warning me about something that was about to happen. As a child I'd also see a cartoon like ghost that would look at me every time I'd go to take a bath at my old house. As for the hallucinations I started experiencing since I started taking meds, well it all started with me having a delusion that I was being followed by someone, so I kept on looking at the windows to check out if no one was coming. Then I suddenly heard a feminine voice calling me from my neighbour's house. Everyone was asleep at that moment since it was like midnight. That scared the shit out of me so I put my headphones on, but suddenly this voice started yelling at me, so I had to go to sleep with a video playing on the background. When I woke up everything was fine. So I went to my psychiatrist one month later and described the situation. My psychiatrist told me I was making it all up (great psychiatrist!). So I changed psychiatrist. Then, I started seeing cars and children running in front of me and disappearing, gnome like shadows running in the dark and geometrical figures everywhere. As for auditory hallucinations, Id hear voices inside and outside my head saying random things. The voices outside my head would usually call my name and I can only hear them when I'm having a psychotic episode when I'll literally not be myself. My new psychiatrist pumped up my antipsychotics and now I only see random shadows (but they occur less often than before) and voices inside my head that describe what I'm doing in short sentences, or make comments about what I'm doing or repeat things that I've heard before (like I keep on hearing my mother saying "the blood of Christ" over and over again). Those "intrusive thoughts" aren't like the ones I get from OCD, I hear them as true voices that echo inside my head. So that's what I've experienced until now, fortunately I now have an amazing psychiatrist and she makes sure to validate every single experience I have. As for what I feel when I'm hallucinating, it depends. With visual hallucinations it's mostly "meh, I'm used to it" + some kind of fear; But with auditory hallucinations things get more complicated, because I tend to believe everything they say and to try to make sense of those scattered random sentences, like one time when I was in my bed and I started hearing a voice calling my name and asking me to "look here". At that time I thought that voice was from an angel that wanted to worship me lol. Also one time I had a delusion that everything I saw was a hallucination, including my family. So I sat down in my bed and ignored everything my mom was trying to say to me, because I'm used to ignoring hallucinations so I just thought that that was a very vivid one

I have a tip for you, if you ever dought a person is real or not, take your phone, put the camera on, if no person appears it is an hallucination, if the person appears on the camera, then its ok, its real

7.05-7.20 shadow people

I love you

"Chemical imbalance". That's the best they've got to explain this away? lol

Did you ever think that you aren't experiencing psychosis and youre actually having SPIRITUAL experiences? No not religious experiences, but spiritual rather. My "hallucinations" began at age 6. But I also consider the possibility that these hallucinations could be due to actually being an empath with spiritual gifts. I would like to talk to you more in detail about my experiences and privately if possible? How can I contact you? ❤

can you explain the difference between an internal monologue and auditory hallucinations?

I'm curious whether lithium oratate can help with things like this. It's basically a supplement / food state microdose and nothing like pharma lithium. The brain can easily take it up so only a tiny amount is needed which means none of the side effects. I've heard it helps people with depression and anxiety but have not heard anyone talk about whether it works for hallucinations. It's neuroprotective too.

Read up on the KarXT & Caplyta. Caplyta is available now. If you don’t pray, please start. 🙌💜❤️

Is your really Cool Hoodie Magenta? Let us know. Could be Hallucinatin?

Distract yourself as much as you can so you don’t end up in a downward spiral

have you ever felt that way without seeing or hearing something first

Have you ever tried a very low carbohydrate diet to see if it affects your brain function?

It is real.not mental. Repent and expect GOD