Repot Plants & Chat With Me About My Birth Story + Postpartum Experience 

We need to talk more about the overwhelming desire to bail after babies are born. I remember the first dinner at home with my baby. They were perfectly content, just snoozing away in their bouncer - but I wasn't. I had this feeling of just pure despair. A desire to run. My mom watched my baby for a bit, so I could leave the house. It felt like a cage. And I felt horrible - like I was abandoning my baby. Looking back I think the heavy weight of duty clouded with the bewilderment of having gone through something as wild as childbirth just put me in flight mode. I loved my child with this primal instinct, but it took a bit for the warm, fuzzy love to kick in. My kid is 3 now, and I fucking love that little goober so much. It's just wild...giving birth, having a family. Congratulations!

So happy you are doing well. I couldn't make it through your video. I lost my 21 y/o daughter to maternal sepsis five days after giving birth to her only child. It was to traumatic that I've been on medication and therapy for almost eight years. I'm happy you didn't have any problems but I understand your fears. Congratulations on you beautiful little baby boy.

So so glad you're ALL doing well.

Omg when I heard your baby cry, I thought it was my son prematurely waking from his nap 😂

So proud of your journey into motherhood. Thanks for bringing us along ❤ Would love to see a video on organizing your sons room - keep it up gal you’re doing an amazing job and appreciate your honesty about the struggles you have faced so far xoxo

I struggled with PPD with my first but bc I was a nurse I felt too proud to admit it (I don't know why but I felt bc I had training in OB-GYN I thought I shouldn't have it and he had colic). I struggled with nursing, had a 4th degree episiotomy too, but I kept with the nursing only bc my mother in law pleaded with me to continue. I cried every night from 6pm until the morning and wished my baby would go back to where he came from. I got pregnant when my baby was 7 months old. It was a total different experience. I told my doctor about my PPD with my firstborn and he put me on Zoloft after birth. Nursing went great with my second and bc I got pregnant while I was nursing, I had so much milk. I didn't have to go through transition milk and I could have fed triplets. I am glad you had a safe and good experience with your delivery. Don't be too hard on yourself about crying, your hormones are all over the place. He's beautiful. Oh, one more thing there is a medicine called Reglan that can increase milk production. And there is a book called "Medications and Mother's Milk" that i highly recommend.

This video was amazing Ash! Truth is where its at. I pray you can get to a point that you can just do all the things and not stress or worry.. 💞

Congratulations he is gorgeous 😍. I wanted to say thank you for being open and honest regarding your experience 😊 ❤

Ashleyyyyy!!!! I totally do not expect any videos from you postpartum, (remembering how terrible it was for me), so it just brightens up my day when I see a video from you. Your videos just make me feel so calm. Idk how to describe it, but it's great seeing you doing well, and watching you while everyone here is still asleep. ***Edit: Just kept watching further. Your emotions and feelings are so valid. Sorry to hear that and I am glad you have a therapist you can talk to guilt-free.

I am sure based on your cup size that you're drinking a lot but make sure you're drinking more than you think you need!! I used to drink pretty much the entire time I was nursing my baby and that was the best thing for keeping supply up for me! Doesn't just need to be water but just a ton of fluids!!!

Great to hear you and baby are doing well ✨Tske good care 🌞 💚🌵🍀🌿💚

so happy to hear you are all doing well. all of that sounded very harrowing! it sounds terrifying but i'm glad you made it through

So, good to see your beautiful face smiling!!! Glad you are recovering well!! I was so excited to be the 1st like!!!

My son had had trouble latching too. I brought him to the chiropractor and it helped tremendously! He had a lip tie, and it was making it difficult for him to latch correctly. And for milk supply, I added brewers yeast to energy bites or to a snoothie/shake. After I started adding the brewers yeast my supply increased quite a bit! You’re doing amazing! You got this mama ❤️💪🏻

I'm very proud of you. You're back to work and still being a Mommy.

So proud of you Ashley! I can relate to a lot of the fears and anxiety you’ve had/have. I recently switched from a Zoloft and Wellbutrin mix to Wellbutrin and fluoxetine. The first combo worked well for a while but I got to the highest dose and felt like it was making me apathetic. I’ve been feeling less apathetic after switching so that may be a side effect to ask your doctor about. Also Palworld is very addicting like Ark but much more relaxing after we turned the death item drop off. Even with the constant crashing it’s better than a lot of games.

I could not stop staring at my babys when I fed them too. 😊

I was also horrified about the epidural because of my fear of needles and complications. I had an emergency c-section because one of the twins' heartrate. But I truly felt nooothing and the experience was amazing. I'm so happy for you!

My daughter-in-law couldn’t breast feed so she pumped and also took donated breast milk from over producing moms to supplement her own. That enabled her to freeze her own and gave her lots of peace during the process. Super glad you are taking good care of your health. Take a deep breath mama and sleep as much as you possibly can ❤

Omg you really reaserched! I usually obsessively research everything but I just didn’t want to know anything about the birth. Nothing. I don’t know why. Now I’m glad I didn’t I didn’t know how it works and now I understand why they didn’t want to give me food incase they had to do c section. It was what u explained in the first part of the video. My epidural worked amazingly. Thanks for explaining, glad I didn’t know it then 😅

hate baby stuff but I like plant stuff and ur videos soo here we are hah

LOL you saying you delivered naked and that wasn't to plan... if it helps AT ALL when I had my second. I literally had him on all fours with my whole everything on display and I started to hemmorage after and I literally said, to my Mennonite virgin midwife, "he came out the same way he went in!!!" sooo yeah, there is no modesty in childbirth, the more we accept that the better!!! I am so grateful to that team of midwives and how no one looked at me odd when I said that while bleeding out HAHAHAH like it could have got beyond awkward there, and that girl stayed friends with me for several years we just drifted apart bc she got married and moved away! I am so happy you're realizing the irrational fears that come and that they are in fact irrational. At the time they are very real and they don't NEED to make any sense whatsoever to anyone but us, but recognizing it after the fact is awesome and being able to sorta laugh at yourself is great!!! I won't ask if you now would consider a second child since you said before that you think you will only be a mother to one, but I do hope that in family planning you're able to think more clearly about it and recognize that certain thoughts may come back and all that and be better prepared in making that choice!! ((hugs)) and love to YOU!!! Congrats on the postpartum therapist too!!! That's an awesome resource I never had!!

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You’re doing great mama. Breastfeeding is hard. My daughter couldn’t latch onto one tot for a day & that was horrible for me. Everything works out though! I was just producing enough in the beginning but eating oatmeal & drinking body armor helps me a ton! I have a while freezer stock now

Maybe try a very small dose of lexapro with the Wellbutrin. That’s the exact combo I use:)

Sorry multiple comments like my usual, but do you have the owlette for your baby? They came out after my kids were babies but I know so many ppl who had anxiety about sleep say that the owlette even with false alarms was an absolute game changer for them being able to relax esp at night. In case you don't know what it is, it is a little sock that tracks your babies pulse or oxygen (maybe both?) and will alarm you if it is out of place (scary but good that it tells you its not reading) and will alarm you if for whatever reason it thinks your baby isn't breathing properly. You charge it and then just put it on the foot... I don't recall if you had one on your registry or not so wanted to mention it for you or anyone who may be expecting and not aware of it! As you know since you do have mental health providers, getting sleep and having a decent schedule is going to be the absolute BEST THING for depression, post partum or otherwise, and of course that rested mind will have less intrusive thoughts etc, so if something like this can help you to sleep, then its a billion percent worth it!! It sounds like you're doing an amazing job!!! I know you said you moved to the bottle, but make sure you have a dr look for signs of tongue tie and lip tie as though can be huge reasons for a baby not being able to latch well! They can also cause issues later in life so if your baby has one, get it corrected ASAP to help prevent tooth decay and speech issues and other stuff as they age!!! (Not sure if we are still saying his name on here so just calling him Baby bc you didn't use his name in the video) Oh and your bias is 100% spot on, he is freakin adorable!!! Would love to see you and Chris with him at the same time once he's a few weeks older just to see who he takes after most!!! He is definitely one handsome little dude but I think he looks a lot like his beautiful mama!!

I live in depression and anxiety ocd hell so i get ya

Three children w no pain meds at all 4th child epidural and now live with chronic pain from neuropathy thanks to the needle. So fear is valid. I had no idea that could happen and of course majority of Drs deny that is from epidural but the neuropathy happened after epidural wore off And that is why the hospital makes you sign a waiver. Sorry just venting

Hi raven!

It would be really nice if hospitals sent every breast feeding mom home with a nipple shield. But no make uhm suffer with latch issues, sore nipples, low milk supply ext. Nipple shield was a savior. Congratz on baby , I have a 19 yr old son named Jai pronounced the same as Kai

Hello Ashley, are still doing plant videos?

During my last pregnancy all my plants died because exhausted lol

You will never have a full night sleep until they are 20 ,plus there is no shame in formula

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The trick to more breast milk is to drink lots of fluids

GROW UP!

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