00:00 intro 00:55 why do people say this when they talk to a childfree by choice person 02:17 why are men not asked this question more often 03:10 this needs to be on a t-shirt 04:40 let's talk sex 06:44 but what about LEGACY 08:18 does wondering equal regret Original Video: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-TKOKD69jUA0.html NOTE: I had some serious audio issues when recording this video and fixed it the best I could. However, headset users will only hear audio in one ear (L). I'm working on fixing this.
I’m 72 years old, and I have NEVER, not once, regretted my decision to not have children. In fact, with every year that passes, I’m even more glad I made that decision. It was the best decision I ever made for my life. It’s interesting to me that society thinks it’s OK to criticize a woman for wanting to be childfree, but I have never, and I’ve never known another childfree woman who would even think about criticizing a woman (at least to her face) for wanting to have children. Funny how no one ever tells a woman who has children “you’re so selfish” for having them, or “you shouldn’t have children because you wouldn’t be a good mother”, and I’ve known many women who have children who I thought were not good mothers. But that’s their life and their business, not mine, just as my not having children is my choice, and my business, not theirs.
Good for you! Someone with the same mindset as I! With each passing year, I am even more glad about my decision. If I had to do it again, it would have been the same situation. I have NO regrets. Anyone who dares to pass judgment on my decision, I kick to the curb! You take me as I am, or you take your a$$ somewhere else.
That's interesting. It seems criticizing mothers and attempting to "recruit" others to your side is all this "movement" is about. Women who get pregnant and choose to keep their babies are often ridiculed, discluded and looked down upon by their peers, where i come from, especially young mothers. Personally, i support women who choose not to become mothers. i don't think most women are actually cut out for motherhood in the first place, and i support the CFC Movement as a Concept. What i don't get are content creators like this who insist on using their platforms to stir up this non-existent division and rivalry between women who are mothers and women who are not. Come on now: y'all can't possibly be THIS gullible? This is the oldest trick in The Enemy's Playbook: Divide & Conquer 💯👀 Nobody's looking down on y'all. Women with children are just asking for a little respect and support from the rest of our communities, since we're literally providing the supply of future humans for said communities. That's all.
@@crptnite I would have to disagree. All my life, when I was a young woman, I was continually asked, “when are you going to have children?”, because that was considered the “normal” thing to do, and the only “normal” thing a woman could possibly want, besides getting married. I was called “selfish” by so many women for not wanting to be a mother, as well as being told that I couldn’t be a “real woman” until I had children, or that I would never know “real love” if I didn’t have children, and I was very frequently told I would be sorry someday for not having them. (And, yes, I am a “real woman” without children, and I have known “real love” without them, as well as never having been sorry). Then they would ask me who was going to take care of me when I got old, never once realizing that having children just to have someone to take care of you when you get old is about as selfish as one could get. And how many people nowadays have the time or resources to take care of their aging parents? Many of those people, even working full time, are still living with their parents. And I’ve heard from parents who are not at all happy with that turn of events. And, yes, women who get pregnant and want to keep their babies are often ridiculed and looked down on by their peers, and people their parent’s age, as they always have been, but that is because our society, which is so often based on religious doctrine, wants to shame - and punish - young women for having sex outside of marriage, and having a baby is just making the fact that they did evident. Which is a large part of the anti-abortion movement, to shame women for having sex. But women who do things the “right way” by getting married and having babies are fawned over and held up to be wonderful people (but still lower than men, though). Personally, if a woman wants to get married and have babies, or have a baby without getting married, that’s fine and dandy by me, as long as that’s HER decision. I don’t ever tell women that they should not have children, as I support the idea that all women should have the right to decide for themselves, and themselves ONLY, how they want to live their lives. That is the bottom line…CHOICE.
I am so tired of saying I don't want kids and hearing But you'll be a good mom But your not your mom But you need to leave a legacy But you're being selfish Like no no no and NO. HOW IS IT SELFISH TO NOT HAVE SOMEONE I DON'T WANT OR DOESN'T EVEN EXIST AS ANYTHING AT ALL?
I'm a Pakistani woman (very fertile) and I'm child free by choice. Breaking all the stereotypes and not caring about the taboos. And yes I'm conventionally beautiful to according to the beauty standards.
Are you 'good looking' as judged by your peers growing up? In every society, the biologically attractive tend to have lots of kids while the not so genetically lucky have to deal with getting by in life.
@@renek2913 Look within your society and community and take a look at the lives of people with the most children: they're likely to be good looking, healthy and very popular with many friends.
Being child-free made it WAY harder to get my endometriosis treated. My second gynecologist after my diagnosis not only called me a selfish cow for "denying my mother her right to grandkids," but then referred me to what she called an endometriosis specialist that was actually a fertility specialist. When I said I had no interest whatsoever is preserving my fertility, I just wanted a life with less pain, and was willing to undergo whatever it took to make that happen, total hysterectomy included, he "fired" me as a patient and told me not to come back. The surgeon that finally did my hysterectomy refused to listen to my wishes, and forced me to keep my ovaries, but when my insurance wouldn't cover the hormone treatment he wanted me on, he wouldn't prescribe anything else. My endometriosis got to cause me almost as much suffering as it did when my uterus was still inside me, because the endometriomas never got the hormone treatment needed to stop the cycles, and let them die. By the time I finally found a surgeon willing to hear me out, and take the ovaries, too, it was, and I quote, "just kind of everywhere," filling my abdomen with "a spiderweb of scar tissue," and my intestines are now permanently partially glued together with growths and scarring. I hate the ridiculous and disgusting emphasis on women not really having a choice. It's veiled behind pretending we do, but we're judged by people in every single aspect of life, and denied medical care, all over believing we should get to be in charge of our own lives and bodies. It's so disheartening.
OMG! How dare that doctor insult you like that, and tell you you're "denying" your mother the right to have grandkids! Obviously, a man. That was a no-brainer! I would have reported him in 2 shakes of a dog's tail, but only after reading him the riot act, and DEMANDED an apology! What about YOUR rights? What about YOUR wishes? What about YOUR limitations? This pathetic excuse for a doctor (+ human being) obviously wanted you to have a child at ALL costs, with no regard or concern for any health and/or financial/lifestyle issues! Repulsive!
@@victoriasegall3404 @Victoria Segall it was actually a woman who said that. I was young, on state insurance, and felt trapped with whatever doctor my insurance would cover. I underwent multiple, awful, painful treatments with her, because I didn't know I had a choice. I wish dearly that I'd had someone willing to advocate for me on this, but my family had written me off on my endo symptoms a long time prior to that. It was actually a man that finally gave me my hysterectomy, but that wasn't smooth sailing, either. My bowel got punctured in the process, and I didn't even get so much as an, "I'm sorry you're suffering." Just an, "I don't know how that could have happened." It's not been a fun ride, that's for sure.
@@sitarilyra9637 I am so sorry for what you went through. I truly am. That is next level horrible. I still can't believe it was a woman who berated you, when, as a woman herself, she should have been understanding, no doubt! I assumed it was a man, because from my personal experience, the most hostility and intolerance I had faced came from men, but then again, your experience has shown me that the women can be equally mean, or even worse! May karma find these repugnant creatures, and give them what they deserve! I had no idea that some women out there could be so black-hearted to that extent to women like us. I hope that you are doing better nowadays, and that that reptilian doctor gets thrown out on her ear! I wish you nothing but happiness and good health. 🇨🇦☮️🦋
@@meowmeow1stgen668 don't tell them you don't want kids right off the bat. The one who did the surgery to get my diagnosis is the same one who called me a selfish cow. We were discussing my next steps, as the pharmaceutical options weren't working, and that's when I brought up being willing to undergo hysterectomy, and things went south. Prior to that, I was just another patient trying to find out why her menstrual cycle was so abnormal. Keep the child-free card tucked away until you know the doctor isn't a raging asscandle that feels they get to play God with every woman's reproductive organs just because they help walk some women through the thing that the the female body has been doing since the very first human pregnancy that carried to term. Aka they know better than you, they know you'll be so much happier if you follow their script, you're just a silly woman who allowed those "immature" high school opinions survive, and as soon as you have that baby and become a mother, every single problem in your life will magically disappear. And don't you dare mention that if you change your mind about kids, you're planning to adopt, because that offends their sensibilities as the saviors and rulers of your womb. I made that mistake, too. Basically, just avoid talking about fertility, or pretend you're interested in saving it "for the future," but don't tell them the truth. You'll get treated way better, and if it comes to hysterectomy, you'll know exactly what to avoid in a doctor to find one who will listen to you. I will tell you: it's no cure. I don't know if it's because they ignored me for so long, and it was allowed to get this bad, but despite escaping all the menstrual misery, I still go through a lot of abdominal pain and it limits my activity regularly. I've got scar tissue and calcifications on my other organs from where the endometriosis growths were and have died that will never go away. I don't regret my hysterectomy, but it was not a magical cure, and the echoes of my Endo still reverberate within me. I hope you find the right doctor for you, and that they help you find the treatment that is right for you. If you do have Endo, you have my empathy, sister. If it's something else that I don't have and can't understand your pains, you have my deepest sympathies. In either case, you have my wishes that you are able to find the right doctor for you with as little struggle as is possible.
As a "burden" child of 1970 teen parents,I always intended to NOT get saddled with one of me. Over the years I discovered many other reasons to choose to be child free. My husband of twenty two years and I are actively glad every day that we are free.
Kids aren't legacy though Like,do you remember your great great great great great great great grandfather? No However,you probably know who Newtown was. Legacy is achieved by great endeavours,not by having kids.
@@Kaz.2719 actually I'm an incredibly ugly guy and I'm sure that would be the reason-now that statement alone begs the question 'is it the same for ugly women?'
@@DerVeet Lol I mean maybe your on to something man because majority of the well put together and handsome men over 30 I know get asked why they aren’t married with kids all the time.
People are so interested in other peoples lives. Especially when they concern society's norms. It is our lives we should do what makes us happy don't have a child just to please other people.
Exactly! I mean, helloooo! It's NOT about you , it's about ME at the end of the day. If you don't like it, then start stepping, because I ain't about to change.
Here's my story: I remembered how much of a brat I was and being extremely difficult I was with my tantrums and whining when I as a kid made me not want to have children of my own, haha. People don't realize that most children are very difficult to raise and won't be "perfect angels." It's a lot of work, patience, and a lot of discipline to have well behaved kids.
I am from Tuscumbia Al & we have one of the greatest idols of overcoming adversity, changing the world, and being a positive light in a society that tosses away those who don’t conform - whether by being childfree, disabled, or being non/religious - Helen Keller! We used to take field trips multiple times a year (as in walking 5 blocks away) in High School to her Birthplace/Museum. Despite that, it’s a place that condemns anyone who is LGBTQ+, Childfree, and/or Isn’t a Christian. I am proudly all 3 & despite the mental/physical toll it has taken on me by authorities & the community - I refuse to be any different. 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
I can't believe how much people are threatened by a woman who can say, hand on heart, they don't want to be a mother. Some may say that they have no biological clock or mothering instinct. I think these things exist to some extent, but mostly I see these things as sociological constructs from a patriarchal society. I am 58 and childfree, I never felt the urge to be a mother and knew since 11 years. I have an amazing life, a job I loved, and I have travelled tge world. I also have a very nice bank bank balance for my future. Sorry for the rant!
Hi! I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm a bit younger (I'm 53), and starting menopause. I knew, like you did, from childhood, that motherhood wasn't going to be a role in my life, and I would NOT change anything even today.
@@Berkhoiif she's honest? What is that supposed to mean? And how do you know that the majority of pressure to bear children comes from women? In my case, (+ for many other women), the majority of those who judged + pressured were men.
Especially these days with environmental disaster and collapse looming, I am completely astounded whenever I see people pregnant or pushing baby carriages. Where do they get their optimism? 60+ and happily childfree and no regrets;-)) I already knew at 12 that I didn't want kids but nobody believed me back then.
I believe in everybody living the life they want. But not having children if you want to because of harsh circumstances is giving up. We are here because those before us had children in terribly hard conditions, living in caves, fighting for their offspring to survive. We are the greatgreatgreat grandchildren of those who did not give up believing in future. So I won't either, I will respect their memory. We all, with children or without, should remember that we are somebodies child and that otherwise we would not exist.
@@kathrinscharrer3923 that was then, this is now. Learn to RESPECT the wishes and limitations of childfree people! If there's one thing that we DON'T need, it's a guilt trip. You are NOT your parents, grandparents, great grandparents, etc. You are YOU, and if you don't want to bear children because you had hardships, it's NOT "giving up", it's self-esteem and self-preservation.
@@victoriasegall3404 Where have I said one should have children if they don't want to? Nowhere. I have said that if they do, they should not be discouraged by fear. Nobody should feel guilty for anything. It is a personal choice and either choice is fine. I was just saying that whatever it is you want you should not be scared into not doing it. If you don't want kids you should not be scared with stories about you being alone when old because that is bullshit ( many people have kids living on another continent and are alone also). And if you want to have kids you should not be scared into not having them because of things like the environment or other tough conditions. I was answering a comment about going for what you want (whatever that is) without fear, or overcoming the fear.
We are on the midst of global starvation, nuclear war, and total chaos. There will be a lot of suffering children out there. My wife and I chose the path of childfree. We can't take care of the children abused, starving, and suffering that are here, so I condone more women who chose a childfree life.
@@melo_mok I guess because they don’t necessarily want to be single but that’s just how it turned out since living in conservative environment means most people their age either want or have kids.
I feel really sorry for anyone that has children or grandchildren. 2023 & beyond are a financial struggle for so many individuals with children. Gone forever are the days that people could raise precious babies on 1 income. Now both parents have to work sometimes multiple jobs to pay basic necessities. Grown adults past age 30 are moving back in with their parents with babies of their own & families are crowded into the same house. Grandparents are fast becoming primary parents since biological parents are struggling & desperately need grandparents to take on primary parenting roles. I speak only about familial structures in the U.S.A. where people are expected to care for their own babies with no external familial support. Now the family dynamic has been changing in the U.S.A & things will just continue to become more complicated.
I waited until this year to start a family, because I wanted to be sure that having a child is what I wanted instead of just something people expected me to do. And I have all the love and respect in the world for all the people out there who chose not to have kids. You're all valid and you're NOT selfish, the farthest thing from it
@@WifeWithoutKids Thanks for reading. I allowed myself to accept my dreams if they never involved kids one day. Putting zero pressure on myself Only through exploring that did I realize I did want them, regardless of other's expectations. And others who come to the opposite conclusion deserve acceptance and love too
That is a horribly rude question. Some people do not want kids, others do and tried and can't have them, others have had their babies miscarried or died after birth, nobody knows. Those are deeply personal matters. You do not ask people such personal things. There is a reason why ettiquette says you should ask about hobbies or things you know you have in common with the person.
New subscriber here from NZ, really pleased to have found your channel. Am a retiree and we never had kids mainly because we were late 30s/early 40s when we married. The idea of starting a family at that age didn't appeal. Ironically, I did have a son as a teen back in the late 1960's but had him adopted due to social/family pressures plus there was no government help back then. The Domestic Purposes benefit didn't come in until about 1973. BTW New Zealand was the first country in the world to grant women the right to vote in 1893. Look forward to seeing more of your videos!
That’s super interesting about NZ being the first to allow women to vote. I didn’t know that. Welcome to our community! My husband and I visited NZ years ago and absolutely loved it. We hope to visit again someday.
I dont know a whole lot about this subject, but am in my 40s and have never been married or wanted children. I would be very interested to know 1. how much judgement about being child free comes from men and how much comes from women and 2. how many child-free people had a happy childhood.
@@WifeWithoutKids hi! In fact, the majority of judgment I had gotten over the years came from men. I want to know once and for all: For the love of God, why would said men care what a woman does or does not with her body? I have even been judged by clients. I'm not joking. Well, I kicked them out, and good riddance! I mean, come on! You're not living in my home, you're not paying my bills, and it wouldn't happen, anyway. My 2nd question: Why wouldn't said men be HAPPY and GRATEFUL (the former neighbors, and the former clients), that I had more time to spend with them?
It's pretty 50/50 for me but the remarks differ. With women it's more often who will take care of me and I will never know real love. So they are projecting their own choice on me in a way. With men it's usually "what of you meet a guy who does want kids" so they're projecting their dating pool being smaller of women won't date them because they have/want kids. I won't cater to their wishes by changing my mind about birthing their heirs. It's both equally annoying tbh.
I've always thought this, but Hannah, you have gorgeous eyes! Thanks for the work that you do empowering us childfree women (and men) to live the lives that we were meant to live. I so appreciate you!
I think they main reason people ask couples to have children is to pass on the money or material assets that the couples make in their life time. They don't want it to go to other family members or to total strangers
It’s quite funny that people who tell us that we are going to have a sad life without children, those are the ones that usually get left behind in asylums where their children don’t bother to visit them at all.
It has never made any sense to me that a woman would be called 'selfish' for not wanting kids. I've always seen it as a stupid thing to think and say. I see it quite the other way around. Those that for some reason are so dead set on producing their own biological children, when there are so many children out in the world who don't have parents or secure families, or are being raised in an orphanage or state institution, LONGING for a home and a family to call their own. If you are responsible enough and want to be a parent, why not help them? What so special about reproducing your own genes? I maintain that parents who prioritise bringing children into the world who are their 'own flesh and blood' ... *They* are actually the more selfish ones. What's so special about your genes? Why bring yet more children into a world in which there already so many of us, competing for scarce resources like food, water, minerals and land. Being 'child-free' means you are using less of the earth's precious resources and having a smaller carbon footprint than families with children, especially large families. Also - and I think this is also important - as soon all of my friends and relatives my age have got children, they simply 'disappear'. They are no longer available to see or to do things with because their every waking moment is consumed by their children. Consequently their adult friendships diminish. Those of us who are unburdened by the demands of 24/7 childcare are more free to contribute to society and fulfil our potential and talents in the world, which is good for society. Instead, many people - women especially - give up their careers and so society and the workplace is deprived of their talents and contributions and their potential remains unfulfilled. Far too many people have kids who make really lousy parents and you know what? All they are doing is setting their kids up for suffering and struggling in life or even ending up in crime or suffering serious mental health issues - and then it becomes a burden to the state and state finances to look after them or deal with them. And that's not good for society. No. I wish I could tell people, Do not reproduce just for the sake of it. Ask yourself deeply first whether you are responsible enough to be a good parent, because far too many are not.
Has anybody noticed the correlation between being childfree and remaining youthful as opposed to those who chose to have children? I know there are fit healthy moms but the women that i know who aren’t married and childfree like me seem to age at a much slower rate- i turned 50 this year and lead a fit and healthy lifestyle and get mistaken for being in my 30s - have any of you other childfree ladies experienced this as well ?
I'm 42 , I hate myself because I selected the wrong partner if I want a baby. I have nothing gentle or soothing, nothing needs me and it hurts to know that I wont get to meet mini me . I haven't held a baby for 25 years , I just want to love something.. it hurts irrevocably
Do not hate yourself. It is a waste of time. We will.all be in a coffin one day. Until then, there are plenty of people that need love and Joy, and also animals. It is not either motherhood or nothing. You can be a great aunt, a great friend, someone who rescues animals, someone who helps children who are not priviledged, you can go into politics and fight to create a better world for others. You can be an asset to this world if you choose to be. There are many kinds of love.
Any relevant difference between men and women? Like are men more or less eager to want to start a family than women? ¿Any difference in satisfaction or regret between genders when it comes to decide not to start a family?
More women are child free than are mothers. It is not a unique thing. Most of my friends do not have kids. Being a mother is more unusual. I do think the child free movement is cool but I don’t think it’s radical or different anymore. Maybe 10 years ago but now it’s pretty normal and more common than motherhood.
I think this depends a lot on your social circle and where you live. There are definitely parts of the world/certain communities where being childfree is not common or viewed in a positive way. But it’s great to hear that it’s being more accepted.
Society may not ask men but expects them to bear children and raise them none the less. Not doing so also invites society's ire with comments like he's lazy or he's irresponsible or he's letting his parents down or he's impotent. And yes, the maternal drive is stronger because you give birth and are the primary caregivers. No amount of feminism can change that fundamental fact.
Oh gee, you don't regret not having entitled brets who talk back, then later hate their parents, and blame them for everything, want to be opposite from their parents and some even go no contact with their parents. Nevermind nowdays kids are depressed and need a therapist and eill call you out on everything. 😂i just can't imagine you not wanting this in your life.
Go to HELL! I'm 53 and have had (and STILL have) lovers, and trust me, honey bunny, I'm definitely NOT a man! You are next level sexist, heterosexist, and ignorant, and I would rather live under the Mercier bridge in my hometown of Montreal, than near the likes of YOU!
The idea that women need to sacrifice anything is also sexist by the way. We can pursue out own desires and plans all our lives, and have a great legacy
@@KateeAngel yes! You took the words out of my mouth. I've met my share of twits with that ridiculous mentality, and to this day, they turn my stomach. The strangest part about it? It came from men 9 times out of 10, and said men were ALL outcasts, irresponsible, and had no children themselves.
This 🌹 This honestly has to be the best thing I've seen in like FOREVER ♾️🥰 What a time to be alive when all of this time I was made to feel like I was wrong/weird for doing what I've always known to be true for me 👯♀️💃🤸♀️ The part that made me tear up 🥺 is that 'You can leave your legacy 👑✨ without having kids' 🥂🍾 just golden 🏆🏅 #ChildfreeByChoice 🚫🍼
