She Feels Attacked When We Talk About Money

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23 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 144

@SouthernGalPal 6 дней назад

Having been that poor person, even with our needs met, we see not reaching a financial goal as scarcity failures reminding us of our childhood anxiety and creating stress about how we handle money. Flip it to celebrating your financial successes while rewarding yourself for reaching a goal. For example, when you have saved enough for half your future home's down payment, take her out dancing to celebrate. Also, remember when having these discussions, point out where you can do better. We can all do better. This way she can learn to embrace the speeadsheet as a means to future financial, personal and family successes and celebrations.

@csx6910 6 дней назад

Oh boy....this call is straight out of my life right now.

@oterosocram25 6 дней назад

I would say most couples are

@larkiess 6 дней назад

vast majority of household spending comes from women. This is most people's lives

@nate2759 День назад

Dude, I’m the breadwinner is my family and my husband is the one that is bad with money so it’s not all women.

@nate2759 День назад

@@larkiessI would like to see the statistics of that because plenty of men are terrible with money, they just buy more expensive things in one go.

@1803sunnyday 5 дней назад

I came from 3rd world country and grew up with no financial and emotional security. My husband was so patient with me, we worked it out over the years. I am getting a lot better when we have to talk about our finances. Also a lot of therapist sessions help.

@nate2759 День назад

You go girl!!

@BREEZYM6015 6 дней назад

Been there, done that. I'm now single, in complete control of my finances, and finally have some breathing room after struggling to make ends meet for 20 years. Sometimes you gotta separate the finances or trust each other to be responsible with the money if it's in a joint account. I'll never have a joint bank account again nor will I ever get married again.

@JustinCase780 6 дней назад

You would be surprised. Plenty of beautiful smart women that won't treat you like a bottomless ATM...but yes, be careful but never say never.

@champagne4bfast 5 дней назад

Good. “Does not work well with others”

@nate2759 День назад

Hey, I’m the breadwinner in my family and my husband is bad with money so I know how you feel but, it’s not all women, it’s men too.

@katie0303 4 дня назад

"She doesn't get anything for herself, because she thinks I would get mad at her, actually." They overspend "as a family". So what's the problem? I am confused.

@nate2759 День назад

He sounds confused.

@lavenderandgold8588 6 дней назад

Can I just say I think it’s amazing that Dr. John takes on all these calls? I can’t imagine listening to people’s drama, it sounds like it would emotionally exhausting 😂 this is why I could never be a therapist or a counselor of some sort. But to see people genuinely like listening to what others are struggling with and to offer sound advice is pretty commendable. I wish I had that kind of attitude.

@back_to_neverland 5 дней назад

Well he just said I think in this episode or the last that he recently had to get a counselor of his own, probably because of the show I imagine 😅

@champagne4bfast 5 дней назад

You’re literally here listening to people’s drama

@nate2759 День назад

That’s why I’m not a therapist though some part of my job is but, luckily not all. I was told to be a psychologist since I was a teenager and I’m like nope I will end up mad myself.

@Ja50nkAt 6 дней назад

You're supposed to talk about this stuff BEFORE marriage to know if you are on the same page.

@omotayosatuyi252 6 дней назад

Sure but when u get married things change

@asilentchill1863 6 дней назад

People change all the time

@citrustaco 5 дней назад

Talk is not action. You can talk and talk all day, and I'm sure they did talk about it.

@jeretso 6 дней назад

I'm from the 3rd world. I am used to driving beaters. I don't see the problem here unless you are the one driving the fancy cars with huge monthly payments or you moved to a fancy neighborhood and have to keep up with Mrs Jones. .

@steffibaker6121 5 дней назад

She has money/financial trauma she needs to clear and that's work she has to do with a therapist. You can be supportive, that's all.

@PapaBearDuverge 6 дней назад

Just like mine. Its all emotional for her and im dotting I's crossing T's with finances lol.

@nate2759 День назад

Women are weird, I say that as a woman, I’m more male wired.

@PJHEATERMAN 6 дней назад

4 credit cards all in my name to the tune of $40,000. Found out once she couldn't make the minimum payment and she had to come clean. Took equity out of my home to pay it off. I didn't divorce her but i came close to it.

@mrsbobanna 6 дней назад

Because you would still be saddled with the debt?

@PJHEATERMAN 6 дней назад

@@mrsbobanna That never entered my mind. I guess she was more valuable than 40 grand. Had young daughters with her as well so i just sucked it up and ate it.

@rogerrippel48 6 дней назад

Yep i understand ya brother. Reality doesn't exist for some women

@jamalcole1985 6 дней назад

Seems like betrayal

@PJHEATERMAN 6 дней назад

@@jamalcole1985 It was betrayal and fraud. My marriage and children staying in a committed relationship was worth more than 40 grand to me. Had to suck it up.

@andrewselig2975 6 дней назад

There goes John with the “safe space” comments. I like listening to him, however, he follows the same formula - it’s all about making the wife feel “safe” and what more the man could be doing to provide for her. John didn’t do much at all to validate his concerns- instead, he asked if he was a typical nutcase “spreadsheet” guy. As we all know, if it had been the reverse, John would've asked the wife if her husband had behaviors that didn't make her feel safe- he would've then followed up with “you need to decide if this relationship is right for you.” Always very little validation from John about men’s emotions. It’s getting tiring. Very much a “keep your head down and serve your lady” kind of mentality. Isn’t this supposed to be 2024?

@Richie2k6 6 дней назад

Ding ding. That's the Dr. John formula in every relationship video. The man isn't doing enough and needs to accommodate the woman because the woman needs more support. The man is always not doing enough and the woman is always needing to be 'safe'. "How can I help my wife deal with her anxiety when we talk about money?" "You need to put the kids to bed, wash the dishes, read the books that she likes, listen to the music she likes and learn the lyrics, and you need to learn how to dance because she likes dancing. Then she'll feel safe." Dr. John is becoming a joke, very quickly.

@Sk-nb3yl 6 дней назад

What’s wrong with you

@lot2196 6 дней назад

With who?

@reginaarnone4845 6 дней назад

@@Richie2k6you sound like a big fucking loser.

@MisterNightfish 6 дней назад

I mean, you can clearly tell his bias when he constantly calls men "knucklehead" or "man child" but he never ever has similar language for women that behave poorly. If you catch some of the financial calls with Dave, you can tell the difference because dave has no problem calling women "Princess" when they act like one and he has equally direct words for men. You will never catch John going "Does it make you feel unsafe if your wife spends 3x what you make in a month? Do you think this relationship might not be right for you?"

@skyewatson7199 5 дней назад

Dr John’s favorite phrase: “Lead with that next time!”

@HauteHorizon 6 дней назад

Dr John gives good advice for the man. I would advise the woman in this situation that if she's monologuing about something that bothers her, be very careful. Complaining excessively makes you a very unlikeable person. Even your husband is going to be put off by your lack of social grace.

@mamadoom9724 2 дня назад

I’ve dated a lot of men who grew up in poverty and one thing I notice they all have in common is that money just slides through their fingers. It’s like they want to buy a bunch of stuff to make up for the lack that they experienced in their childhoods. On top of that people who grew up in poverty never learned how to manage money from their parents. My husband grew up so poor that he even had to spend Christmas in a homeless shelter. He said every now and then his parents would get some money and they’d just blow through it immediately going out to eat and stuff. Then next thing he knew they’d be getting their electric shut off and eviction notices posted on the door. Often they had nothing to eat in the house. You can’t teach your children about managing money if you have terrible money management skills yourself or if you literally just don’t have any money to manage. That’s one of the reasons that poverty is generational.

@nate2759 День назад

Yes, my husband is like that and he is getting therapy for it.

@Rishabh-Dev 6 дней назад

When you're married it's both of your responsibility to keep each other on right track.

@gdaymates431 5 дней назад

Is this a joke? You didnt even ask him any questions. What exactly is she doing with her money that is so bad exactly? This call was annoying. He could be a control freak for all we know!

@susieare 4 дня назад

He clearly said he wouldn't mind if she bought something for herself. He said she feels guilty when they overspend as a family whisky they're trying to teach financial goals. He's the opposite of a control freak and the fact he even made this call says he really loves his wife and wants the best for her.

@gdaymates431 4 дня назад

@susieare he also wants her to stay at home and not work and have another baby. He sounds exactly like the kind of person who tells their partner not to work only to throw it in their face when he has to pay the bills. He didn't even give any examples of her apparent spending. If it wad actually that bad, he would be listening off her spending. I don't buy it. Frankly, she probably didn't buy it either.

@gabztuh 6 дней назад

Um… this one missed the mark for me. There weren’t any follow up questions about the root of his concerns. If a woman had called and said she can’t have a very basic conversation about finances with her overspending husband, this convo would’ve been soo different. Maybe she’s really just an overspending gaslighter, but we won’t know because his concerns weren’t explored. Also, I’m not a professional, but caller sounds like he may be looking for reasons to deviate blame from her anyway.

@dakotasikes6690 6 дней назад

Nah john doesn't really do follow up questions for what I've scene he takes everyone at face value

@joetheboy04 5 дней назад

John is very empathetic to women and harsh to men. Most counseling is like this. Did you see how he needs a solution for her bad behaviour but he is asking him to take her out and apologise.

@christinag2255 5 дней назад

@@joetheboy04He was on the phone with him, not her. He was coaching the caller to do whatever was in his own power.

@wowTasteThis 5 дней назад

He said she wasn't actually an over-spender and the poor background helped confirm her anxiety. Also, every husband struggles with everything he laid out. Especially some as analytical as the caller.

@nate2759 День назад

Yep, my husband has a spending problem and we have a baby on the way. I doubt he would give me advice like how he did with him.

@JustinCase780 6 дней назад

She's high anxiety and she's a spendthrift. Dude!

@nate2759 День назад

Yeah, unless she confronts her trauma and heals it with therapy she will continue behaving like this and it may even become worse.

@rob1016ny 5 дней назад

If she can’t talk about finances WITH a savings acct, wait until you try when you’re broke. She won’t be able to deal with her “anxiety”. You’ll be left solo to solve it bro.

@nate2759 День назад

True.

@2daFull 6 дней назад

I think this guy is being too gracious. When it comes to money sometimes we just have to be adults (as Delony says all the time). Make agreements as a couple and stick to it. All this talk about taking dancing lessons does nothing when she is spending all the money in the meantime lol.

@haploid2k 6 дней назад

Delony only says this about men. Wives are never expected to step up, contribute, try, change, or do anything other than exist, on this show.

@KeithK410 6 дней назад

I was just thinking this. Gave this guy a try, and there is major cuck energy from him

@nate2759 5 дней назад

I was thinking the same thing. I thought maybe I was missing something?

@tomydearself 3 дня назад

You missed the point!

@nate2759 5 дней назад

The wife sounds unreasonable to me. I know that she may have trauma when it comes to money but, she needs to then be responsible and get some therapy. We are living in the real world where we have to pay bills, you can’t just ignore it.

@susanahollenback1518 День назад

That’s easy to say if you don’t ah e the same background as her. The whole point is it is a bit unreasonable, and there’s a reason

@nate2759 День назад

@@susanahollenback1518 We all have traumas, that’s life. We can’t go through life in bubble wrap. I have faced all my traumas and continue to face anything that makes me feel uncomfortable because logically I understand avoiding it is not going to fix it.

@susanahollenback1518 День назад

@@nate2759 again, that’s the whole point of the call. To give resources and options to this couple so they can both heal, grow and learn. Where she comes from, therapy is hardly an option for financial and even social reasons (speaking from experience, it probably isn’t even a thought she considered). You can’t know what you don’t know. She is being unreasonable, and there’s a reason, AND I bet if she is presented with possible solutions in the way Dr. John is suggesting, she’ll chose to work towards peace for herself and her marriage.

@evanl889 6 дней назад

Crazy how many times John husband part of the relationship that he hast to basically tiptoe around the wife’s crazy behavior. It’s not the other way around. He will immediately take the side of the Wife when a female calls in complaining about the husband and bash the husband when he’s not even there to defend himself when a husband calls in about his wife’s erratic behavior basically to bend over backwards to appease her and treat her like a small child.

@PapaBigFlame 6 дней назад

Facts

@SobrietyandSolace 5 дней назад

Maybe it’s because he’s a married man himself and knows what guys can be like

@nate2759 5 дней назад

Yeah, well I’m married and I’m like the logical stable one and he’s the emotional erratic one. I know in general women are one way and men are another but, he seems to think all women are emotional and like his wife.

@brewsandbass5572 6 дней назад

Fool. He didn't notice this while they were dating.

@rustyshackleford6637 6 дней назад

Lets get to the money

@consumerdebtchitchat 6 дней назад

At some point, you have to decide if this person is worth YOU losing your financial stability over - perhaps for life. This means, are you willing to have your retirement destroyed because you can't connect finanically? Lots of calls on the Ramsey show from people who are 50 plus with NO money saved - yet they are / were married. Why? Because they can't / didn't / wouldn't talk finances with their spouse. Been there - done that. My ex leaving SAVED me financially. I got zip in the divorce (he left). But it all;owed me to do as a single person what I could never do with him because he was a spend thrift - get MY budget in control. Nine years post divorce, credit score 800+ and I live on 50% of my 70K gross income so I can save the rest. Never going back to such a financially destructive relationship again.

@laundrygoddess4 5 дней назад

Did you not hear the part when he said financially they are doing fine and saving 20% for a house?

@seattlegirl2077 6 дней назад

Well intended, but as he said, the Dr. is stereotyping here. I would be absolutely uninterested in his approach. I would want actionable, solid information and not dance lessons. But then I'm a woman who budgets and pays off my credit card each month and so is my husband of 46 years.

@laundrygoddess4 5 дней назад

This way wouldn't work with people like us who are motivated and number conscious. This way would be more effective with emotional people

@seattlegirl2077 5 дней назад

@@laundrygoddess4 Agreed. It's not that I'm not emotional, it's just that I try to look for facts and solutions and not let my emotions get the best of me. I'm not always successful but the older I get, the more I am.

@nate2759 5 дней назад

Thank you!

@BP-xe7dw 6 дней назад

With John's advice they will have baby sooner than later. Terrible LOL

@nate2759 5 дней назад

Haha

@veebliss1266 2 дня назад

Men say they want trad wives 🤷‍♀️ expect money to be spent with no contribution . I rather have a hard working woman who helps me save and spend when needed! Find the right person with the right values before you get engaged or married!!! Extra income makes your savings grow faster ! I’ll take that anyday . Part time work can still balance work and house hold.

@marquisstrongchild7535 6 дней назад

She feels attacked? Of course she should feel attacked.😕

@Michael-ft9pm 6 дней назад

This beta will be a doormat the rest of the married. Stay single fellas.

@NealBurkard-ut1oo 6 дней назад

You sound scared

@Michael-ft9pm 6 дней назад

@@NealBurkard-ut1oo Of no fault divorce and the family court system, yes.

@nate2759 5 дней назад

Hey don’t judge all women the same. I’m the one bringing the money in and my husband is terrible with money and has had that many jobs. I have hope that he will get there eventually, he is in therapy and is getting better with saving even though it’s not much. I’m also 27 weeks pregnant and having to handle all of this.

@Michael-ft9pm 5 дней назад

@@nate2759 I wish you luck then, but he better shape up or you will reach a point where you snap, then there is no getting you back.

@link10909 5 дней назад

@@Michael-ft9pmCowardice resulting in childless genetic suicide. The true alpha play 😂

@mitsubachi6865 5 дней назад

Aren't all these pieces of advice what you're supposed to do in the dating stage? Before marriage?

@flyandshy00 5 дней назад

He wants a WOMAN to pay for half of HIS house. She should run from him. It sounds like they split bills, awful.

@nate2759 День назад

There is nothing wrong with splitting bills and some women actually want to contribute financially.

@tabby73 День назад

This comment section is wild 😂

@RichardTouchfaith 6 дней назад

Luckily my wife works a crazy amount of hours in the hospital that she has no time or energy to spend money outside of work.

@datsuntwosixty160 6 дней назад

I've found mates with wives that have so much time on their hands they don't do anything productive, wether it's social media, spending online, complaining about how their husbands lazy after doing 4-5 12 hr shifts a week, how he doesn't do any housework, it makes them completely out of touch and unfortunately their female mates will majority of their time just agree with them and make them even more deluded.

@DudeMuscle 6 дней назад

When I get married again, I’m looking forward to a hardworking wife like that.

@bevanbuckwheatshea5520 5 дней назад

Move on from this woman. Trouble is coming.

@G.likeGinger 5 дней назад

Meh.

@tritosac 5 дней назад

John is like a slot machine. Every time he takes a call he just pulls a lever in his mind and a random jumble of thoughts come out of his mouth. That's the advice callers entrust him to give.

@flashthecorgi2053 5 дней назад

That’s how you think his advice is. In reality, he’s very thoughtful in LISTENING to this caller. He quickly realized this has nothing to do with finances, it’s just an anxious environment and she needs to learn how to feel safe and connected in the relationship. The syllabus thing may sound silly to you but it’s actually a great tool for connection and showing her he’s involved and engaged in loving her not just lecturing her.

@miketheyunggod2534 6 дней назад

Question should be: “How do I brainwash my wife like I am”?

@KillerofGods 6 дней назад

If you don't have money, you shouldn't be spending money

@tutin4090 6 дней назад

Where do you draw the line? Because it comes to the point where she gets a deadline before the repo-man comes to take items back and she's got a few cents in the account so he has to pay it for her. Is that him being brainwashed?

@tonytharp7315 5 дней назад

Use me as "The dance class isn't going to solve this problem" button.

@DB-be9wy 6 дней назад

Who cares what she FEELS. Tell her to stop spending or start looking for a new place to live.

@dabd8175 6 дней назад

Females submit

@isay207 5 дней назад

😂

@azimuthbusinesscenter 6 дней назад

he threatened to leave, he threatened to stay. Everything is a threat, unless he pays. Roses are red and love is fake, a wedding is just a funeral with cake. Guys, if you are rich she will never leave. Ladies, just admit you are all disgusting gold diggers