Should I Respond To My Ex During No Contact? Or Ignore Them? 

Most coaches come off as a seller. Lee gives honest and professional advice. Ive listened to him over and over. Whatever it takes to get your mind right.

I didn't choose no contact. NO CONTACT chose me. 🤣

I’m just tired of being hurt.

I literally have you in my headphones and listen to your videos and advice all day to keep me going. I love your advice. Straight to the point and logical; there is no one else on youtube I could listen to for so long expect you. Love the videos 🙏🏼

Well my ex girlfriend only reaches out when she wants to text about her life and troubles. I think I'm doing the right thing by not responding.

No contact do work. I honestly did not think I was gonna hear so soon. I'm not reading anything into this right now. I feel he needs to miss me for a while.

I totally Agree on this. My Ex Reached Out to Me After 2 weeks of no contact. I responded to Him just very Short and Polite. Now he wants to see me and talk things out. This Really worked thank you.

If they move on... They were not for you....

This man is GOD... My ex dumped me... n i started no contact rule the next day itself..after watching coach lee's video Today is the 17th day of no contact.. n he texted me saying that i miss you.. n how much he misses me .. my smile... everything... Guys believe in no contact.. coach lee is the perfect guide..

How important is this video. Amazing. What u say makes sense. No contact should not include not responding. But maybe we should make them work a bit harder before we give all our affections away again. Relationships are tricky these days.

Guys respond after 2-3 hours to show that you are busy with your life.

Coach Lee, you are a hero. Your advice is practical and always accurate.

If they have an attitude there's no reason to respond oh so you're not talking to me now is not a reason to respond

I got my ex back, Thanks!

I agree w/ u on this. It makes no sense to ignore ur ex when they reach out. That IS the whole point of no contact to regain control of ourselves and allow time and space to get them to reach out. When they do if u still are interested it only makes sense to respond. This video is a breath of fresh air bc ur right others say otherwise and it just doesn't make sense as they will give up for good. Thank u for sharing~ 🙏🏻💗🙂🙌🏻✨✌🏻

After a week of no contact, he messaged me. Thank you.

It's all making sense. When your Ex broke up with you, the ball was in her court. When she reaches out to you, the ball is in your court.

I eventually stopped responding to the rare texts from my ex. It never went anywhere. He was just reaching out to see how I was doing, then to disappear yet again. No interest in anything else. So, he was getting the benefit of my response whenever it was good for him, for his ego boost that I would respond to him each time. The last time he sent a text- I just never responded. Literally no point anymore. He moved on long ago. I need to move on with zero contact both ways. Now I know I’ll never hear from him again, and I’ll never ever contact him.

Dont fall for bread crumbs they make it easier for the dunper to move on also dont respond tooo soon because u r not a backup and they need to kno!

You're the best, Coach Lee. Your videos give me so much comfort and so much valuable advice. I watch a few of your videos every morning. It helps me through the day. I thank you for that. You give me hope and hope is priceless and really all we have. Thank you, sir. Keep up the good work.

So I did the no contact for 3 months he reached out and said “ I want my bestfriend back “ you were the only person who was always there for me even when I didn’t want you to be , ever since we broke up there’s not a day that goes by. I don’t think about you ....” I didn’t tell him I missed him at all I just said well if you need a friend I’m here always said I’d be here when you need a friend to speak to he said I know but I thought you hated me .. I said hurt and disappointed yeah hate you ? There’s no hatred in my heart. He’s been contacting me everyday expect today which is weird but I haven’t reached out to first ... I learned to not attached and learned my power so if he doesn’t reach out to me again 🤷🏻‍♀️ oh well I was good for three months so. I feel amazing lol

With all do respect to Coach Lee, I dont fear rejection. Sometimes, no contact should NEVER be broken.

Question: what's the appropriate response if your ex just texts you "Happy Birthday"? Just because they care enough to send that message doesn't mean they're considering getting back together. Thanks for the great material Lee!

How do you tell the difference between someone just being polite or out of guilt/ wanting to do the “right” thing (I’m thinking the person might just send a “Merry Christmas” text) versus a “sign” that they might want to reconsider their breakup?

I disagree. Responding to breadcrumbs will never get you anywhere.

2 days in to No Contact and I received a text from her “are you okay?” sounds like she’s thinking about me.

I hear a lot of coaches saying "ignore your ex" until that second urgent message. My ex just reached out a week later saying " Hey i just wanted to see how you were doing and hope all is well" I did respond the same " Im good, and Hope all is well with you" Did not ask anything really direct or something to really really respond to and she didnt respond and im not sending any double text... Be the bigger person without chasing playing a game and if they dont come back around you know you did your part

I did NC for 1 week, then he messaged me that he still loves me, he wanna be with me, and fix our relationship...i responded that i will give him a chance then after 3 days he disappeared.

Yeah my ex broke up with me via email in January, I ve been in no contact mode since....he called me three times and left a message to find out if I am ok and see how I am feeling this past week. I have zero intentions of responding.

you should put a disclaimer : do not listen to this if you have been cheated on

thanks Lee for your encouragement it can be difficult to stay positive im also standing on Faith to and focus myself keep the videos coming : )

Thank you! It’s such a confusing time. I seem to be living in a fog but you’ve just appeared and redirected me. Thank you for your honest and balanced advice and for giving me hope.

Simple answer is NO. Ignoring is better. I ruined my chances by responding to him. I miss him very bad but all hope is now lost because I responded to him. I didnt initiate, only responded. Ultimately I wasnt healed enough and ruined it all. Take care of yourself, when you get emotionally neutral then engage.

It is ridiculous to ignore your ex if you want them...no room for games in an honest and loving relationship. Have an open and honest heart. Build trust and positive interactions.

YOU did catch me. The other coach for the Art of Love says to NOT respond if it's NOT meaningful. What you say makes more sense. ANYONE that IS normal who messed up will FEEL out the situation BEFORE spilling their guts ESPECIALLY when they screwed up & have to eat crow!

But, what do you do when they text looking to argue or start a fight to make you apologize and blame you for not being available for them? You reply but keep everything calm and imply that you are busy. Or do you wait for a text with the intention of casually speak or fix things? I'm willing to speak when I see her more calm and with intentions of starting a healthy conversation, but I'm not sure on what to do if they are looking to argue if we left everything clear. I know that her rebound is not working and she is looking for some attention that she is not getting. So she is frustrated because I'm not there for her.. I know this is good in a way, but do I reply to show that I care but at the same time not giving them all my time and attention?

after 21 days I texted by ex and he called right back to say he missed me and that he was thinking of calling me himself.. I wasn't ready to talk to him yet! I had been advised by a marriage and family therapist to just put my thoughts and feelings down on paper. I asked Jim if he'd be interested in reading it if I wrote one. He said he would and with on open mind. He also said he still needs "space" and I said that was fine. He is getting over a total knee operation and is also facing a shoulder operation. He feels less of a man and has always been very active. Now at 74 he is feeling his age and doesn't have a clear sense of his future physically or what he has to offer someone. He and I were married 50 years ago for one year after which he moved to Australia to start a new life. He lost his wife of 46 years 18 months ago then came back into my life only 6 months after that. It has been a long distance relationship just here and there. Our communication has not been good and things just sort of slid into oblivion with him ending things without a clear cut reason. I am hopeful that if I say everything that needs to be said it might make some difference in the long run. Any thoughts?

This is reassuring. Felt like i've been doing the wrong process since I reply to their messages. He texts me several times a day and I've always felt like im giving him a chance to walk away if i completely ignore, so I try to reply once in awhile. Thanks for the assurance coach.

38 days! My ex called me tonight and said she was thinking of me because she saw my mom. She said she wasn’t sure if I’d take her call. I was actually on the other line & shot her a text when I got off ... she called back ... we spoke for 40 minutes. Not sure what to think .. she knows damn well I do not accept friendship yet said “maybe we’ll see each other with the dogs “ me, to myself: No you won’t because I’ll be back in hiding mode! (I’m used to this tactic) back to NC I go .... wish I had Coach Lee on speed dial 😉

I think it should depend on what they say. If it's a simple 'hello" or "I miss you" that shouldn't be enough to break no contact because maybe they're just temporarily missing you or just trying to see how easy you are to respond to them.

Seeing all good comments makes me have hope wish me luck everyone it’s nc time

After 29 day's of no contact my ex give me a miss call, just one ring, what should I do?

Thank you so much coach Lee, i found your video right on time. My boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago. he said that he doesnt want to lose our friendship this way, but he doesnt want relatioship. We have been texting each other every day after break up. But. Today I'm starting the *No contact* Maybe we will get back together and maybe not... we'll see👍

Please do not ignore your exboyfriend when they reach out to you. Coach Lee, you are so right. If you keep on ignoring your exboyfriend, the outcome will not be good, so PLEASE don't ignore your ex when they reach out to you.

I did 2 weeks with no contact. He texted me this morning at 6am first he was angry , I waited a couple minutes to think of my reply and I responded calmy and collectively. He then asked me to go over to his house but I was getting ready for work. I explained to him that I was getting ready for work and he replied with the 'okay' then he told me to go outside and as I look out my glass door I see him hopping the fence and standing there waiting for me. I expected him I just didn't know when and it caught me off guard . Law of attraction works as long as you have absolute certainty. ❤️🙏Thank you universe.

Honestly, It didn't work for me. being too available every time they reach out to you, it comforts them and relieves their anxiety. By responding every time, you give them the chance to get over their missing.

Okay let’s be honest with ourselves. If an ex reaches out to you, it’s much more respectful and kind to respond. Of course you deserve more if it’s just a hey or how are you, but they’re first text will RARELY ever be I miss you. I love you. They could be trying to see where you’re at. You can be polite and respond and see where it goes. If your ex is really just breadcrumbing you then so be it. Would you rather ignore them and they never text you again or reply to them and have a little conversation? If those conversations don’t lead back to a relationship then fine. But at least you’re not asking yourself “what if I had responded??” You will get an answer either way if you respond. It’ll take a while for them to open up about their true feelings. In the end, if those conversations don’t lead to something that makes you happy THEN you can ignore them

Best advice! Thank you for your videos. They've helped me tremendously. He started texting me every few days recently,, I've been in no contact 😉 but I always respond 🤗 shows I'm noble, friendly, courageous, and growing. Thank you Lee for everything!

With this specific video, you're the kind of coach most suitable to me. We are civilized and matured people, I don't think it's a good idea to completely ignore our ex even if we are in a no contact rule.

Lmao no contact actually worked

Its the second day and she texted me we had a unforgettable time together what should i say

Day after day convinced that coach Lee is the best coach ever.

it could be breadcrumbs sometimes

I wanna know what means if he reaches out to me reaches out to me, and wishing me happy bday, but thats all.

The thing is that she reached out, but the way she reached does not deserve a respond. She is trying to manipulate me and saying that ''You made a fake ac on Instagram'' etc, ect. Even tho I really want her back, why should i bother responding when she is saying that

I totally disagree on this specific video. “PEOPLE LISTEN UP” it honestly DEPENDS on WHAT THEY SAY, if your ex texts you hey, hi, or how are you doin” do NOT RESPOND. You should only respond when they say something important or meaningful or bring up the relationship. Guys I fell for the bread crumbs so many times replying to my ex’s simple one worded texts thinking just because she reached out she want me back. It never happened she would just ghost me after a few texts and I would feel like complete shit back to SQUARE ONE ALL OVER. If they not straight obvious they wanna get back together, then They only wanna test the waters when they send worthless texts like this. Don’t fall for it. If they want you back THEY will make IT KNOWN SOMEHOW GUYS most will straight up say they want you back I’ve seen it. and if they stop reaching out after you ignore the crumbs GOOD you dodged a bullet because they wasn’t serious about getting back together anyways duhh!!! . I wish I had someone tell me this because it caused me so much unnecessary pain and headache When could’ve avoided if I just ignored the bs crumbs. I hope this helped

My ex did context me by text after 29 days of nc, it works. Keep the faith 😍

WHat if you already ignore them? LOL. im fucked now

He just wrote to me “how are you doing?” after 2 months of silence. I’m confused, I don’t know how to answer. I’m still missing him very much. I’ll try to keep it casual hoping he will keep on talking.

This guy is right don’t ignore they will give up and move on

how long should you wait to message back?

I just recently started talking to my ex....we work together so I only talk about work related stuff. She tries to joke with me....i just chuckle. I never will talk about us unless she brings it up....

Me and my ex messaged to each other through WhatsApp. I messaged him how i enjoyed our time and hope everything goes well for him and if he ever wants to talk about something then i’m here also i told him i am deleting WhatsApp (since we are in korea we use different platform to message) and i actually didn’t delete it. And he messaged me through WhatsApp “i’m hoping everything you goes well for you” but i didn’t check for 3days. So after 3days he messaged me from other platform “you uninstalled WhatsApp? Replied to your message, but there was no reply” ...i mean why? It wasn’t even that important message. I if i really deleted WhatsApp app then i would go crazy what he sent me. But i know what he sent and it wasn’t even important message so why he even checking and messaging me through other app? Is it really just checkin on me ? Or something else

Hi, Lee! Thank you for all the support and guiding! I have a question. What if the only time my ex reached out was at 2am on Friday (probably drunk) and I didn’t pick up? He woke me up with that call, so I muted it and dropped the next call he made after that. I had to work on the next day, so I was irritated and didn’t want to listen to possibly drunk messages. That was at around 30 days of no contact and now it’s a week after and nothing happened. What to expect?

After a week of NC, she contacted me today both in text and messenger. But it was just to tell me she will return my stuff which she should have returned a week ago but didn't. Now she is also telling me to pay her back the money she shared for the house we bought before breaking up because her mother knew and wants me to pay back so they could use it for their house. She told me I could pay it installment as she knows I have financial difficulties right now and apologized. Should I respo nd to her?

Well said coach Lee no contact is on your end but if she reaches out you respond I’m glad you made this video as last week she reach out for bill related issues and I spoke to friends and family about this and they all gave me the wrong advised which was to ignore her thank god I’ve not done such thing since the break up she knows the way back to me if she’s willing to do the indirect/direct approach I’m available and accesible but moving on as well

Please make that video on narcissistic personality in relationships/breakups, my ex turned out to be a covert narc and it was one of the most difficult things I've ever/still am going through. I'd love to hear your opinions and advice on said subject :)

I’m going through a divorce right now with my wife. I’ve begged, seemed desperate, said I’d do any to get her back. I’m so glad I came across this video. I’ve read many articles to get my wife back and they say “no contact” but in their meaning they mean “radio silence”. I’ve seen it plenty of times but now I understand that communication is key if my wife reaches out to me. Instead of ignoring her, I should just speak to her in the sense that I’m confident and moving forward just fine(while not trying to get her to come back). This video is very helpful. Please keep them up. Background on my wife, we’ve been together for 7+ years, no kids only dogs, I was her first love, we married young when I was in the military, sexual romance was great, love was great, everything was still practically just like the honeymoon stage, but when my wife would complain or nag, I would get upset thinking that she was just complaining to complain about something. I tried to keep calm and sometimes we would argue back but then when she’d put me down as a husband and man, I would snap any say some of the most disrespectful things to her. So yes, the main cause of her wanting to divorce is me verbally abusing her. I suffer from some mental issues from the military that makes me become agressive and angry when I feel like someone is putting me down. It’s a trigger for my flight or fight response. I’ve apologized to my wife and said I’d do anything to save us. I seek psychological services, but I told her I’ll go to counseling, anything, seek the lord together, anything but she is too hardened in her heart. I’m not sure what else to do but I will keep up the NC rule and not initiate calling or texting her. If anyone has some great advice or encouragement, I’d really appreciate it. If I’m her first love, she’d would be more inclined to come back right? Anyways, thank you for this video. Truly helps a lot. I

Hey! My boyfriend just broke up with me a few days ago. I watched a lot of your videos and used the no contact rule for the past days and now he is responding to my instagram stories and also sending me funny little videos on Instagram. I don’t really know how to respond since its he is not actually texting me how im doing or something like that. Help would be appreciated! And thank you so much for your great advice! It was only because of your words that I could relax and have hope these past few days.

Loved the video! My situation is interesting because I dated a guy for about 2 months before he started acting different.. and after watching your other videos I realized I wasn’t keeping MY options open because I really liked him and had a connection. So NOW after 5 months of back and forth and kinda sorta still keeping in contact but nothing serious together.. i decided to do the NO CONTACT.. he recently bailed on me twice and I realized I needed to start the no contact. He texted asking where I’ve been only after 3 days of not answering. And now I haven’t heard from him. But, I’m also uncertain, since we didn’t have a lot of time together (i haven’t seen him in a month) if starting the no contact now will actually work. Advice?

MIne took almost a week to start contacting me - frantically i might add...I simply responded to lengthy apology that I am not ready yet ...a day later i responded. he had betrayed me so i wanted it to end - since he admitted to starting another relationship. It was a clean break in person and i was in control of the situation and got the closure i needed.

Every breakup is specific. If they break up with you for someone else and they were treating you like trash. No response for the insignificant texts. Period. My ex did so. She ghosted me for no reason while I was supporting her for her drama more than two years, she was faking future, liying to me, giving false hope and she finaly discarded me. So after months of no contact she sent me an "i love you" text, i ignored her. She has to bring a lot of efforts to get me to respond and more to get me taking her back. If she is humble ok if not i'm moving on with my stuff. I say no to breadcrumbs. I love my self enough to get back with someone who is manipulative.

If they want you back t at least they should try to contact you a second time , unless they send an important message o say something important , i don't think a merry christmas o heppy birthday is enougth effort to have a person back. If they really want you they are going to try a second time

Thanks coach Lee, tonight my ex just texted me during NC and I did respond in polite way, before this I think I want to ignore him if he feel the suffer but after take your advice we did have funny and no serious topics at all, he came to me to recall our sweetest memories together which I thought he is cruel one but actually NOT, thank you so much and wondering if I ignored him tonight it will leads to make unnecessary drama..i want to say goodbye to painful tears that I had this evening.. So many good things to tell, thank you very much Sir💙

I hope i didnt missed Lee video about when to apply no contact before i wrote this, if so im sorry..... This advice only work if the break up has nothing to do with another man or woman in the relationship, let say a couple argue over something and end up breaking up, after a while they all calm down someone start to reach out, obviously in most case u2 still love each other YAY we back together, then this advice work flawlessly... But if u got dumb like a bag of trash, he or she ghosting, moving on dating someone else, ure alone applying no contact. when they're bored with their new partner, and ring or text you again, ure jumping around like winning a jackpot, they will be like there theyre still sitting around and wait for me just like i thought... Damn well he or she will do it again. There is no perfect way, other the coaches is not 100%, but they're not wrong, every situation is different. Technology take relationship to another level isnt it...Peace

He reached out not to get back but to explain why he did ended things and why he did it over the phone. Twice he asked to be friends. I don't want to be friends. I'm not sure what to do.

After a solid 5 weeks of no contact at all i randomly check my phone and see a missed FaceTime call from my ex girlfriend, i havent replied or said anything. It's doing my head in, do i reply and break no contact? Do i wait and see if she messages again? Why is she even calling?!?!?!

my ex was very nasty and mean to me I have not talk to my ex in a year .if he was to try to text me again I don't know if I would talk to him or not it was hurtful to me

After 4 days she contacted me, tried calling 2x, and left a text saying call me. I called back about 9hrs later, I probably would have let the call go. But we have a kid together so I have to make sure it's not about that. She wanted $300 to help get into a place and I said sorry I can't, if our child needs something. That I'll be fine with, but I'm not helping you financially.

OK after watching this I will continue to ignore as I don't want my ex back. I blocked for good, but thanks for explaining.

This is the second week & he called more then 3times & i wasn't picking up omggg i think i messed up

All your theories about always responding to your ex when they reach out during 'no contact' because they will give up on you if you don't, is counter intuitive to all your other theories. You say that 'no contact' is crucial because it gives your ex a chance to miss you and fear losing you. If you ignore them and they give up on you, then your ex does not miss you enough or fear losing you enough to get back with you anyway. There is no point responding to feeler texts and shit tests until your ex truly misses you, which is why the majority of relationship coaches preach ignoring your ex until they text something meaningful, and why you're part of the minority.

This video is just what I needed just at the right time.

She reached out to me to apologize to me. When she texted it was with an attitude. I didnt respond. Should i?

During no contact you also get to reflect on if you are better off than you were with your. Give yourself that time.

After 3 days of my no contact my ex reached out to me asking where i am these days..i am confused he wants me back or again he wants me to be his friend? Please help Coach Lee😣 should i respond or not?

Well i wasnt responding him then i followed this advice and finally responded to his messages and he vanished leaving me on read 👍🏻

Great advice! How should you respond to your ex messages if you don't want them anymore? Should you give them a proper answer or not contact at all?

What if they don’t regret the breakup but they reach out because they feel bad about how they treated you?

What if they reach out quickly?

My ex contacted me recently after a week of been separated. I don’t know how to respond to him 😔

Thanks alot. My mind froze when I got a text back in the morning. I'm extremely vulnerable as I've been a jerk to her 😅 and blocked her. I reached out to her and she responded she's doing pretty good and thanks for your concern. It's good to have a guide what to say and what not say after. I'm gonna 10:20 in the morning

Coach Lee....what if they only send bread crumbs? I found from experience that ahe only reaches out when shes having problems or mundane questions, seems to me like she is only getting emotional validation only...any advice on this?

It worked like a charm

Thank you!

Coach lee, are you able to make marriage/separation/divorce videos please? Some topics -Steps to take during separation -How to get back ex wife especially when it comes to long marriages -If you were your ex spouses first love -How to cope with divorce -Does having pets during a relationship help ex’s come back. -Is the grass greener on the other side of divorce or not -Christian spouces divorcing without infidelity existing. These are just random things I’ve thought about during my divorce process.

I’m in a strange situation.. My ex wants to be friends but I told her no, we are worth more than that. I’ve gone into NC. I’m letting her contact me. BUT She texts me almost EVERYDAY, wishing me a good day, checking up on me, watching my stories, liking pics that I post and I never reach out! But I can’t help but debate wether I should still keep doing this? How can I make her miss me and go no contact when she reaches out EVERY DAY?

My problem is slightly different in that my ex can't go three days without messaging me! Usually random, funny memes that I am sure she is sending as a 'group message', but I feel obliged to respond to. We seem to go round in circles - we reach a point where we are getting along really well, yet when I suggest getting together, she backs away. I go into no contact, then she reaches out after two or three days. I really feel that I WANT the silence to last longer, in order for her to experience the void!....... I don't want to just flatly ignore her messages, but at the same time I am getting nowhere by responding!

2 year relationship.. HE REACHED OUT A WEEK and 3 days and I basically talked to him way too long and we talked about the relationship because he was upset that I was “different” and I told him I was just respecting his space he wanted.. and he wants to be friends in order to get back together.. WHAT DO I DO BECAUSE HE HASNT TEXTED ME IN 3 DAYS

Coach Lee what if my ex texts me goodnight during no contact do I respond by saying goodnight back?