How To Stay Out of The Friend Zone With Your Ex 

"You do not accept friendship. it's total surrender." Wise words indeed.

I can't be friends with someone I was in love with, especially when they're your FIRST true love....

My ex became frustrated when I said no to the friendship offer. I stood my ground. I think another aspect of this that Coach Lee talks about is the real reason they want to be friends is to relieve themselves for not fully accepting the breakup..in their mind we can just ignore the pain she caused and we are still friends, she feels sexy and things are all good. Give them what they asked for: the breakup and that way they can see the real consequences of their actions. Don't let your desperation fool you that you will "lose them forever" so might as well be friends.

dude ur a fricking angel send from heaven i swear.

I had a girl criticize me for not accepting the “why can’t we be friends first” trap, telling me that I “won’t compromise”. Don’t ever compromise your boundaries folks.

Refusing friendship is also good for you. You feel more powerful and that you have more control over the relationship. Something you feel you’ve lost after breaking up.

Never be a friend with someone you've been inloved with ...You are so right

Have fun and flirt!! No friend zone there! We’ve had major sparks since 6 wks post break and now that I’m not trying to convince or push an agenda, he’s opening up and coming closer to me. Live in the moment and enjoy...

So refreshing to be hearing simple and down to earth advice instead of all the cliches elsewhere.

I think it’s shows lack of respect to an ex they know you have feelings so it’s like kicking you when your already down so low..

Thank you coach Lee!! i got my ex back and our love is continuously growing stronger since we started talking again after i did 1 month of no contact and declined his friendship offer, He contacted me on my birthday after my 1 month of no contact and we reconciled and got back together. it's just like we never separated, we continued from where we stopped. it's amazing. Thanks again!!🙂😀

I already told her I can't be friends because I will always see her as more. After being intimate for years I can't just be friends. Men and women will always see each other more than friends in a lot of cases.. Males and Females exist for a reason.. We were both extremely sexual and intimate and very close.. Friendship only is off limits

If some one speaks wrong he is neither a friend nor a lover. He is called enemy.

You are the best person to listen to on relationship advice, Coach Lee. I trust what you say so much more than the other folks on RU-vid. Thank you.

Thank you for this video. Being stuck in the friend zone with an ex is AWFUL!!! 😒

COACH LEE IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! Everything you’ve said I’ve done ! I’m so thankful God sent you to me in these unsure times! My “ex” has literally done everything you’ve said & I’ve been faithful to the no contact rule! Now he’s contacting me about friendship ! so I’m hoping to stay strong in this phase ! Thank you Coach lee! Pls never stop helping people you are incredible hands down! 🙏🏼🙌🏼 God is soooo good! ☺️❤️

Coach Lee, you are the best coach! I have listened to others and they are confusing as hell! I love all your videos and i watch them over and over again. I broke w my ex Sep 17.. then did no contact.. then he reached out on 30th sep.. i kinda ruined it by talking about relationship and all.. being a lil needy and again it ended bad.. went to no contact and again, we re-established contact Our conversations are much lighter, i don't talk about the negative things or relationship Starting to flirt w him too... Thanks a tonne ❤❤ Even if we don't make it, i have learnt so much from your videos!!

Omg this is exactly what I needed right now!! Thank you Lee! ❤️ So helpful during this hard time of being broken up for a month now. My ex is still texting me on a regular and I just didn't know how to act!

Never act like a friend because it turns in to friends with benefits, benefiting the ex

God, this video helped me once again! It's weird but I feel more confident now and I know what I should do now. Thank you!

I had an interesting day, my ex reached out. The thing is, it's my ex from 2 years ago. I was surpriside by how sentimental he still seemed about our past relationship. I could sense a lot of feelings there. But I'm not interested. I just wish it had been my ex that I want back. Go figure, right? Exes always come back, sooner or later lol.

Ok, true story. My girlfriend tried to put me in the friend zone. Normally, I would have made that mistake but I had gotten divorced the year before and had no patience for that crap. I told her I had enough friends and dropped her off at her house. Six months later (I hadn't been dating) I heard from a mutual friend that she asked about me. I asked her out, platonically. We went out 3 times and she couldn't keep her hands off but I told her we were just friends. The next time, she asked to come to my house. I asked why, to have sex, and she said yes. We dated for a year after that. I asked her what changed her mind. She said, remember when you kicked me out of your car? Women are strange.

This is great. My ex agreed to go for a drive.. She kinda said the friend thing the day before when she reached out.. but I said I know better and smirked.. She hugged me that day.. I asked for the date (drive) right away.. We went on the drive and I flirted constantly but.. Light hearted.. Next thing she said her hand was cold.. The one between us.. I held it.. But loose to see if she would pull away.. She held mine back.. Then I went to her apartment after.. We hugged.. I went for the kiss.. She gave me a closed mouth one... But then hugged me tight.. We talked a bit.. Then I kissed her again... And she relaxed a lot more.... Texted me later saying we should go on a photo shoot this Saturday.. And has been reaching out more. I hadn't seen your video at that point.. So far so good!! Thanks for the info

This is so timeless, thank you, Coach Lee. Love the emergency break-up kit.

Damn almost over looked this. Probably the best advice I heard

When my ex broke things off in a text (classy, am I right?) he said, "I want your friendship always". I never made any response to that comment. My best friend's immediate response was, "F**k his friendship". Yeah, I've got enough friends.

Coach Lee is just flat out excellent!

Good point ,don't put label !

*I fully accept the idea "No relationship, No friendship" which I am also following and in no contact since 3 months. But I do have a slight thought that can it also be possible to win them back as a friend. I mean she offered I declined for sure. But there are moments I think to my self, could she of offered friendship in order to see if I become more sensible and calm, because to be honest I was acting stupid and angry most of the time. But then again I was proud of not accepting friendship but can't stop thinking the other side too*

BEST VIDEO ABOUT THE TOPIC!!!

I already told him that we could never go back to being friends. Now I think he's trying to be friends with benefits lol. I declined his sexual advances and he became defensive of course lol. I stay calm and keep things short and sweet. And I only speak to him when he speaks to me. Im sure This has him feeling some type of way because he now reminisce about our past. I am very proud of myself because I know that I would have taken every little offer in the past because I wanted him so much. But now I am assertive, solid, and sweet all at the same time. He doesn't know what to do with me now. Lol. Thank you for all of your advice.

I feel like friend zone is another way of keeping you close just in case.

My ex didn’t ask to be friends but said I hope we can have some connection in the future but that it’s up to me and I say ✌️ no contact I’m worth more than that.

My ex wants us to be friends, my original response, "I really can't do that right now. It's just too big of a crumb to swallow.". I also told him that after us dating close to a decade, it feels like a huge demotion. The last thing I want to be is some random person he knows, while he's hanging out with someone else. I'd want to either go tear the other woman apart and throw her out the window or fade into the woodwork and disappear. Just seems terrible.

Thank you! Now I understand! He felt like the price!

It's quite ironic actually, so my ex messaged me, and I couldn't keep my emotions together, at the start I was calm and composed and then she said that shes been thinking about me more recently, she then proceeded to say that a relationship isn't on the cards anytime soon. When she said that she still saw me as a friend and someone who she cared about, I politely declined the offer, it felt good! Hopefully shell get back in the future, I'll keep you updated!

This guy is the OG , old school sauce .

Coach Lee, I agree with all your advices, but kissing your ex might just be considered as sexual harrasment. I am terrified of that.

Coach Lee, you're the best! I am in the friend zone with my ex who broke up with me a little over a year ago (wish I knew about you then!). We do a lot of things together and he likes the way things are, he doesn't feel restriction on his freedom ( his first love is cycling and that is a several hour a day event). He doesn't want to see other people, he just likes the way things are now. He has put up a wall, though. No terms of endearment, no sweet and sappy messages like he used to send... he's keeping me at a distance. I wish I could create scarcity, but he always texts me when I try it. I think he's giving me just enough to keep me going, not realizing it. I wish I could find some way to tear down that wall.

another great video from Lee..

Thank you You said everything I felt snd believed but couldn’t put into words- a low ball offer after 8 years I dint want him back

She really doesn’t want to be your friends. She only say that because she doesn’t want to sound like a jerk she doesn’t want to her your feelings. When a man agree settles for just being friends. She going to using him for his time,attention, resources, money. Validation. She’s going to be disrespecting you talking about other guys around you. You don’t won’t to be in that position he’ll to Nah. Tell her I find you attractive I want to be more than just friends. But if she’s not willing to be more with romantically. You move on with you life talk to other females that really likes you . Corey Wayne, would say walk & never look back . Never settle for being a woman’s walking ATM or Therapist,

I love your advice ❤️

Thanks Brad.. its really helpful with what im feeling right now..

Hi Coach Lee. Before I start, I just wanted to say thank you for these videos. Every time I get upset or anxious, your videos always calm me down:) I would really love some advice please. I’ve done 28 days no contact, and I wasn’t planning on getting in touch with my ex anytime soon. However, I found out that on his one day off work (today) he went to visit my Grandad? (They were very close during our relationship.)This is about a 30-35 minute drive away from where he lives. My Grandad told him to phone me (thinking he was helping). So he did, but I ignored it. He then messaged me to apologise for phoning but he promised my Grandad he would. And just basically saying he hopes I’m alright. I called him out for phoning me just because my Grandad told him to, but then he said he wanted to and it would have been nice to talk to me? I also left it hours each time before I replied to him, and he always responded straight away. Also turns out I think he was planning on coming to my house to see me, but because I didn’t answer the phone he went to church to sit by where my Grandma is cremated? He told me he would stop messaging me if I wanted him to, so I said yes because I was going to the cinema (which wasn’t a lie.) But he left me a message to say he knows he’s the last person I want to talk to right now, but he wants me to be alright and he’ll always be there for me. What does that mean? Has he put me in the friend zone? But why would he drive all that way to see my Grandad on his only day off work? I’m just so confused and have gone back to no contact. Thanks in advance!:)

I wish I went to Coach Lee's dating school before I even started dating. :)

Look ,I have been through this 3 times , finally I filed divorce, 3 years I run , dont wast your life on some one that is always looking. Gave all my wealth and walked , Suddenly She is begging, took 3 restraining orders to end it

Coach lee is not lying , this worked for me , we ended up splitting again but I believe we will get back and work it out but this worked 100%

If or When I see you man imma pick you up like we just won the super bowl!!! Coach of the year

I told my ex I want to be friends before I realized I still have feeling for her. After I told her I still have feeling for her and stop contacting her and now she's reaching out to me.

If after no contact they reach out after 2 weeks. They feel guilty. They ask ‘ do you not want me to contact you? I obviously don’t want to go to the ‘friends’ zone.

Guys listen to coach lee my situation was almost impossible to solve but I went 4 weeks of no contact. She came back begging for a chance . She literally left her rich rebound for me

I went in for a kiss, and we ended up making out. After she left she went out with friends, she ended up drunk texting me about how she messed up and she was thankful that I dated her for as long as I did. We still aren’t together, but I can feel us making huge progress

This is such a good video!

Spot on... yeah i cut the flirting off.. those were boyfriend benefits ..now broken up, just work related convo if that

Just in time!

This is what I need!

I Declined The Friend Offer, Kept Flirting & Got Blocked. 🥴

This is good shit man

We broke up after 3 years off and on relationship. He with me and said we be friends but I refused and went for no contacts. 2days later he tries contacting me and saying he wants me back as a gf. I say no and suggest his earlier idea of friendship because I feel it was something he had been thinking about and you just can't come back and go away as you want in someone's life at your own terms

I think I did the right thing I let him go . Thank you

Coach Lee my ex just expressed yesterday that he wants to be remain friends with me but only on Snapchat not on fb, regular phone, he has me blocked. And he wants to keep me blocked which is strange because he wants to keep in touch but only on Snapchat. I told him no absolutely not

I neeeeeed this right now, so rewatching. Its been almost 8months. And i think, we will not getteng back anymore. I wont accept frienship, but at the same time, i want to moveee on ☹️

This is gold this is

I needed this

Coach Lee, I followed you NC rule for first week after breakup , because I’d made some breakup mistakes . He sees me out and makes a huge fuss about it saying he’s missed me and how can I be moving on already - I was just having drinks - I was calm and chilled but he wasn’t at all. That weekend was difficult him going back and forth, the following week I once again initiated no contact coz he mentioned “friends” when I told him I need space , he then wanted to have a phone call, and then wanted to meet up , told me he defo didn’t want to get back together just missed me .... I was v confused - and made the mistake of agreeing to see him - he kissed me - I then said no I can’t do this coz you just miss me you don’t want to get back together - he said no I don’t .... was he using me ? Is he confused ? I’ve got into NC again - I’m confused by his agenda can I go into NC now and everything work out - I’ve been emotional when we kissed because he confused me - it was so embarrassing coz I’ve been working on myself to be strong... it’s only been 2 weeks since official break up - please help! Xx

We are looking for relationships and not friends. But friendship in the beginning is import to lead to LTR tough

I don’t want my ex back but I do enjoy your videos :D

I texted my ex and well she said she just wants to be friends

My ex said this a few days ago I said u can't be serious I will never be put in a friend zone by someone that I was in a relationship with so I cut the conversation short within a few hours she called back we talked but I always cut the conversations short now she calls me daily now once I started the no contact rule after I was dumped.

How can you Trust that they aren't playing games Again? Showing a lil leg, giving them a kiss and they are into someone else? Then they're having their cake and eating it too. If hes not Ready to Pursue me slowly I don't want the Games. And that's ALL it's been since post breakup. Bread crumbs.

After two weeks of no contact she leaves me a voicemail saying her friends miss me and she wants to know if we can stay friends without any intimacy. That was two days ago and I still haven’t responded. I tried seeing her and settling for kisses on the lips. It’s too painful for me to be around her and hold back my affection

Hi Coach Lee, what does it mean if my ex addresses me as a “friend” (here n there) yet his actions and our conversations always go beyond just friendship? Thank you for the insightfulness and credibility you’r providing on your channel 🙏🏼🙏🏼😇!!

I absolutely turned that down.

What if I already excepted his friendship😅

I Just Realized What I've Been Doing Wrong This Entire Time

Thanks coach Lee

My ex wants to take things slow and see where things go. Friends is the best thing thing to describe our relationship at this point but he kissed last Friday, even this week he continues to kiss me. He bought me dinner and took me on a double date and met his friends I haven’t met before. So we’re dating again I suppose but haven’t specifically talked about it.

No friend commitment with ex..they will try to get freebies.

In the heat of the moment when she broke up with me I said that I didn't want to lose her as a person and I'd rather have her as a friend instead of nothing. I regret saying that now. Hopefully that doesn't ruin my chances, but if she brings up that we're still just a friendzone type of relationship, I'll walk back my words after realizing what I really want and I won't short sell my worth and my needs.

My ex contacted me after 6 days 🙄 saying let’s be friends He had very valid reasons

My ex wanted to be friends after breaking up and being in another relationship … went NC for a month and then they message and after a good conversation they suggested we be on messaging terms for holidays, birthdays, health updates etc…. Makes no sense, I politely declined their offer and said if she ever wants reconciliation let me know and I wish her all the best otherwise … she got mad lol

Thank you so much

What if we have children together? I want to be with him... But i also dont want to create a distant relationship between us

The best

O m g I’m still in love with him and don’t wannu be friends, no way. But he does act that way. I best not take his calls. thanks Coach Lee

Can you make a video on what to when your ex breaks up with you then dates their ex 2 weeks later?

When you watch this the day after your ex talked to you and realized you messed up and friend-zoned yourself😑

Just tell her you don’t want to be friends problem solved. 😎

We don’t have to define the relationship but don’t be strung along

My ex texts my every darn day and I never start the covo but im scared of being friendzoned now because he no longer kisses me ;-;

If I broke up with him because he was messing me about. Too busy to see me etc Then I go into no contact Then he sends me messages Sort of friendly etc asking. How I am... Then he asks would I like to go to a foreign language film festival together with him. But it is in another six weeks time? Not sure what to do.

My ex and I are in our mid 60s He was my married chiropractor and we began as friends and a few months after that we turned into lovers and 10 months later he was pulling away and wanted to friend zone me. He said we couldn't continue as lovers because he felt guilty because of the family baggage. I said ABSOLUTELY no. I would not be friends. I told him if he wanted to come back to me as my lover I would welcome him back but otherwise he would probably never hear from or see me again. That was nearly 3 months ago and I'm still broken over this.

Made total mistake. Accepted friendzone, her new guy wants me gone. We said goodbyes, now in total NC. I dont think there's anymore hope for me but move forward...

I thought I was being weird when I kissed my ex, glad you said it was ok, lol.

Coach Lee, thank you for your videos. They really help. I would like to know if this applies if you two just have been on a few dates but are not yet in a committed relationship? In my case things went well in the beginning and then I screwed things up (being too cold and distanced) and then she said "let's be friends". In this situation should I accept friendship? Would be very grateful if I heard from you

The last Time i heard it i became crazy

Bravo !!!!!!!

I have a really weird position currently. We broke up about 2 and a half months ago after about a year and a half. She had moved to Indiana last year (we live in ohio) for school and we stayed together (dating for about 6 months). Dated till about October but it was rough and i was going through a lot and we broke up. Only lasted a few days and we kind of worked it out but she was in a bad place so we were really up and down, i was more there because she was really alone in school. Got back in December and switched schools and ended it her first week moved home. About a month later she was in a really bad place and lonely still so we got back but again, i realized quickly it wouldn’t last, i just stayed for a while because i knew she needed somebody. Not like, she’d kill herself if i left, just needed support and a friend and i was seemingly all she had for a while (her family went to Florida for the winter while she was here). Ended early february but after a while, like mid march, we actually got back for real (and like actually labeled and committed for the first time since October) and like really picked up basically where it left off in October. We had a great summer, drove all the way to Montana and back for a nice road trip together, just all around great. Little fighting, like solid. About august she went on vacation with her fam for 2 weeks and i had a lot of stuff going on at home and was distant and quiet to her and she wasn’t able to talk much so it was weird. Kind of set us on a weird path and she ended it about a month into the new school year. We had been together every second practically at the beginning of the year (lives like 2 min away) and it was really solid but she just couldn’t. Struggled and texted her for a week or 2 and really upset her so i stopped. After a while, she started reaching out for weird reasons (one time her wifi wasn’t working at like 2 am but she has a roommate completely capable to fix it and her hotspot on her phone) and then we ultimately would hangout in her car for 4 hours all night long each time. Sometimes the calls or texts are drunk and she talks as a friend or asks for advice but ALWAYS flirts a bit. But she keeps randomly getting angry at nothing and says rude things on the very few instances where i reach out (sometimes to just be nice but almost always for actual reasons) but she texts 2-3 times a week. Texted on thanksgiving apologizing for the last time i had seen her when i was a little quiet and she got angry and said hurtful things and we left it at that. But the other day she was super rude randomly and i haven’t heard from her since. I am unsure of what to do or where she is at. She seems like she misses me so she reaches out (even admits it drunkenly at times) yet she won’t act on it and goes cold randomly. I would really like some advice because i just don’t know where to go. I have continued NC and plan on doing so, i just don’t know what to take of her headspaces, or how to react to get her to stop feeling like i “won’t change” or “it’ll not work” when i feel like we broke up just saying that I’d like some time as would she, because we both had a lot in our lives and i wanted to go to counseling with a clear head. After all of that happened, she’s stuck with it. So yea. Any advice?

so wise