SLENDER MAN - Boring, Lazy, Garbage | Cynical Reviews 

Is that the same girl from the kissing booth???🤦🏿‍♂️🤣🤣🤣

@@daltonfarris yes, yes it is.

I fucking love you

I thought it would be a movie about Jenny Craig meeting a guy on Tinder!

Is that Bertrand russels body under the dog head? 🤣

Or a series, Marble Hornets was good

@@supersmashbrosevil That's actually what I was referring to. That and Everyman Hybrid. Probably should have said series instead of film, but oh well.~

great, now I want to watch the marbled hornets series again

Holy Applebutter Tribe twelve is also really good

@@anonymoususer8818 Never ended up seeing that one. 'Heard good things about it though.

The whole film could be him reading terrible fan fiction and crying.

Whoa wtf you just made have such a flash of ideas with that comment. Like with my third eye, i just saw a scene from that kind of movie where slenderman is just talking to camera about his problems while trying to hold back tears and how he once was popular and the guy behind the camera asks him questions and it just cuts to scenes from his earlier days where he scared little kids, and some scenes from now where people laugh at him. Idk it had like psychology vibes n shit. I just had the urge to share that with you.

Slender Man goes on a journey of self discovery, and eventually has a spiritual awakening.

I just imagine him screaming and nothing else for 2 and a half hours

@@ptf69 is this the new Shane Dawsom documentary?

Thats what I did when a friend dragged me to see The Grudge.

Alyssa Jansen LMFAO

Rename the genre to comedic horror

SLENDY’S A JOLLY GOOD PLAYER, SLENDY’S A JOLLY GOOD PLAYER, SLENDY’S A JOLLY GOOD PLAYYEEERRR!! (which nobody can deny uwu)

Lol

Khadijah Johnson 10/10 best comedy

@SSnipeHH Highschool school? Like where you learn about Highschool as oppose to going to a Highschool?

@SSnipeHH Bruh Moment

Had me in the first half ngl

Does he age in Dog Years?

@@TikkyNoSurname Maybe, he isn't a human after all.

slenderman 2k19 is me in one sentence

John Smith Well yeah sure... I mean, of course slenderman is like that right now, as “right now” is 2019. What the..?

Wait, slender man was made almost 10 years ago? Fuck, I’m old.

Oh shit. Yeah, I think you were all better off for that decision.

Could've been worse. You could have watched this movie.

Dude nice, I'm a ten minute drive away from them as well!

That's actually really considerate of them

@@Toproposearewrite2970 yeah, I find that quite thoughtful tbh

@Axiom Steel26 NO-

Delete this before an overpaid Hollywood executive sees this and Googles him.

@@hngh6404 If Netflix isn't willing to take 'Homes & Watson' then I doubt they'll make a movie about Jeff

@Robert Barry that might be a good movie if it's in good hands

@Axiom Steel26 doubt it. At least greedy has standards sometimes.

So something like The Mothman Prophecies.

I love the atmosphere of Marble Hornets.

I wish someone would make a new movie inspired by lovecraft because honestly he really new how to write them but at the same time I would be kinda worried that they’d ruin them :/

I know this comment is ancient by internet standards but just in case you see this: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-la78vswBF54.html It's a very low budget student film made for RU-vid and its honestly so much better than the 2018 movie. I really like it ^^

Marcel la Rastaban that’s not the lovecraftian formula I’d use. I’d go for the « character is dumped into a strange and secluded community » formula. Not really original, I know, but I think it’s more adequate, since... well, there is really no point in summoning slender man. It’s not like he can offer deals or whatnot, if I remember correctly, nor influence people to do his bidding, contrary to the central figures of the lovecraftian cults you’re referring to. But the thing about investigation is a good idea, since it gives a reason for the character not to just get out once he starts to be targeted by the slender man, so rather than a cult, why not investigate on a series of murders or the death of a relative ? Still not original, but unoriginal stories can still be well made and interesting, so it’s not too bad. Still another way, perhaps a tad more original, and that could tie in really well with a lovecraftian plot and a character such as slenderman, would be to start in a mental asylum, wether we follow a guard, a patient, or a doctor, or why not a combination of the three. Of course, in nearly all of these, the problem is « how do we make space for the unexpected » which is kinda central to the horror genre. A movie starring the slenderman would highly suffer from that the second you know it’s in there, because we already know what it is, so it only leaves the question « can they escape and if they can, how ? » (which is fine, just... not enough in my eyes. ‘Cause if we have only that, then all of the movie’s introduction becomes boring as hell since you just wait for the moment things come crashing down). To get rid of the need for the unexpected, the simplest thing would be to start in medias res, and for that the mental asylum setting would work very well, wether we are shown one of the patient and start with the question « how will he escape »+« is it real », or wether we start with a doctor or a guard and we have the question « how will he survive ». To have the unexpected, an interesting way would be to play on the victim’s identity rather than the killer’s. To take the precedent setting, we could’ve something like two patients, one gets killed early on so we can start to worry for the second one, and then, still following the surviving patient, rather than have the slenderman target him, we have the slenderman target someone from the personnel, or perhaps worst : a relative in visit (the problem with that being that the connection with the victim weakens, which means that the issue may lose some interest in the eyes of the viewer). The interesting thing with that is that, since we follow a patient, we don’t actually need the slenderman to be the monster we are shown/the source of horror (for at least a part of the movie), we could’ve the patient have hallucinations he has to overcome (or something else, there are plenty of hurdles someone mentally ill could be put through when trying to escape a mental asylum to help a relative). And the source of horror from the slenderman can come in two forms : either indirectly (by having the true target somehow communicating about the slenderman with the protagonist), or directly (by having the slenderman somehow communicating his intentions to the protagonist, though that would only work if the target stays near the asylum, but that’s a good thing since that way we can come to know the target which gives us all the more reasons to fear for its live, and root for the protagonist). Well... that’s a long comment -_- I didn’t mean to originally ^^ But still, it proves how we can still have plenty of horror scenarios that would work quite well with the slenderman, although admittedly they’d probably work quite well with any supernatural threat, which kinda begs the question : « why the slenderman ? ». To which I have... no answer ^^ Hhmm... I wonder what are people’s thoughts on the subject, do you have any idea why a plot would specifically revolve around the slenderman ? (That is, what kind of plot would necessitate the slenderman specifically to work optimally) I hope what I said make sense, I know that it often time doesn’t, wether my ideas aren’t well put together or my English just fails me -_-

I'm sick of hearing this. It's just not true. Pointless gore and jump-scares is what is constantly hurting horror movies. You don't need a bunch of blood and screams vomited into your brain to be scared of something. There was a low-budget web series named Marble Hornets that started most of the mythos involving this character. It was incredibly good and picked up a decently sized fan base. It's what this movie should have been. But, obviously, the people making this didn't actually care about the lore or making the movie what people wanted it to be. Anyways, Marble Hornets did have gore, but barely ever. Because it wasn't necessary. It focused on the psychological elements of what would happen to a person, and it was terrifying.

@@godofthecripples1237 You do realize Marble Hornets MPAA age rating is rated R.... right? So... do you have another example that you want to try out because the one you used kind of proved my point. Edit: Oops. I was looking at the movie, not the series. My mistake. Still, I didn't say anything about needing gore. It is just that PG-13 movies seem to lack the drive to go over the edge. I mean, would a PG-13 movie show a man driven so insane that he is gently bashing his head against the wall and sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb", while standing in a dirty, ill-kept asylum with the whisper of dark spirits echoing throughout the room?

@@mr.outlaw231 Wait, as in it's one of those videos you have to confirm that you are a certain age in order to watch? When did they do that? When I first watched the series a few years ago, it wasn't.

@@godofthecripples1237 Yeah, sorry. I thought there would be an age rating or something. I was talking about the movie "Always Watching: A Marble Hornets Story". Though, if the movie has the same content relative to the web series, then the age rating should cross over.

@@mr.outlaw231 Well, there was The Ring which definitely pushed the edge of PG-13. There's also Supernatural, and while there isn't much horror in the newer episodes, a lot of the horror episodes pushed the limit as well. And while it didn't push it to the edge, A Quiet Place made good use of sound (or lack thereof) to create the air of suspense. Films don't need to push it to the edge to be considered horror, or even good horror. A lot of the time the drive to push it to the edge is a major downfall of horror films.

Hello! Was not expecting to see you here

Exe Lior And said way to make slender man actually work is to focus on the psychological aspects, not make him a standard monster

I couldn't agree more. One thing I felt like this and the second game probably suffered from, will that they tried to make the character look scary. Which goes against the point of his design. If he looks scary, then he's no different from every other boring monster out there. The fact that he looks generic and makes you scared of him over time is what makes him such a fantastic character.

Overexposure.

I like the games, not for being scary, but for the gameplay itself. Learning how slenderman moves and remembering where all the paper pieces are is fun, same also applies to fnaf, the gameplay is good and well-thought, but it just happens to be hidden behing "oh, such sp00k" and shitty fandoms

Marble Hornets was basically the ONLY good thing with Slenderman in it, and it was good because you NEVER saw him. He was just... something off, and all you saw was the aftermath of his passage. Hell, there's a book I once read that had a chapter to it that was basically a full ripoff of The Shadow Over Innsmouth, but with the twist that it was told in a diary form and had some really good atmospheric writing, and that's what made it work so well: the atmosphere and buildup, the tension. Things getting gradually more and more wrong.

I think it had potential. But completely wasted it. What a clusterfuck.

Cynical Reviews I kinda figured it would be....hence why I didn't see it. If you played the games, depending on how many times you died and how quickly you find the pages/objectives, it wouldn't take that long to finish a game that's been overplayed by many youtubers with fanbases of 12 year olds or younger.

I never saw that coming.

Its not a bad film though 😂😂

@@synehgy2702 It's an absolute garbage film with a borderline uninterpretable plot. But entertaining in how bad it is nonetheless.

@@KantFromEC I enjoyed it! Not a nzd film at all! Rate it 7/10

1qaaqqq1

Slenderman cares about the environment that's why he turns obnoxious humans to trees. Slenderman said save the planet.

I’am 100% sure the producers were like Producer:“Oh so you remember Slenderman?” Teen:”Uhhh yea?” Producer:”Do you remember his origin?” Teen:”Yea” Producer:”Who else knows this???” Teen:”My friends and some kids at school” Producer:”Okay” After the teen leaves Producer:*turns to the director* “So since the kids these days remember his origin let’s just not put it in” Every staff member:”Okay” That one person:”But what if-“ Everyone: *”We said okay”*

@@fate4th *gasp* Captain planet got dark

"I am the Slorax, I speak for the trees!"

The movie was called "Always Watching", not Marble Hornets.

Doesn't change the fact that it was just generic bullshit that used the Marble Hornets name without actually doing anything with it either internally coherent with the ARG or otherwise worthwhile.

@@Recoil1808 Yeah, regardless, Always Watching was garbage. Just another shitty cash grab. Pah.

Never heard of "Always Watching" or Marble Hornets. Is that something I should check out?

@@CynicalReviews Marble Hornets, yes. It's a rather good ARG that ran a few years ago. Always Watching, no. Without spoiling anything about the good piece of media involved, it uses the Marble Hornets name for brand recognition and actively spits in the face of the lore set up in Marble Hornets, despite a much bigger budget and something to go off of.

The type with more bank than brains are in control now they come in at first offering money as investors creator's accept to step up their game golden age happens now that the investors own them they demand changes makers must comply creations get worse profit less investors demand more changes gets worse ect and you have where we are now no creatives becuse the industry is a struggle between them and the morons with money and meritocracy is thrown out the window as these types force more and more formulaic rubbish to be safe all the while putting their mates on and whoever blows them reguardless of talent.

They do just not at Sony

Because passionate film makers take time to create masterpieces and Hollyweird doesn't have time or the money for that. So they hire lazy writers who'll basically just listen to Hollyweirds orders without batting an eye.

It costs a lot money to care.

"Too financially risky" I mean it's laughable, but I can understand their (short-term) concern. It's hard to care a lot about the integrity of the movie industry as a whole when it's your paycheck on the line, if course you'd play it safe. On the other hand, that attitude is precisely why movies flop, so...

Did I not change it? I found out the girl survived so I dubbed over "murderers" in the script.

I was thinking the same thing when I watched the video

Axiom Steel26 she was one human hair away form dying

@Axiom Steel from what i know after getting stabbed multiple times the girl crawled her way to a trail in the woods where a runner found her in the knick of time. whole event could've ended so much worse.

@@allysoune5509 i saw the interrogation video of those two girls and i felt so darn disgusted. Imagine giving birth to a child and they grows up to become an idiot who would willingly hurt their friend to make a creepypasta story character look cool/real.

I whould watch that

@Monika the cycle-path and like 8 feet tall.

I never saw it. But it sounds shit.

bruh momentaneum

Ikr? It should have been an obese black lesbian lady

@GMan5090 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The folafal Waffle thats how creepypasta thing made it😂 i agree though

The folafal Waffle omg lol

The worst part is Joey king has been in some actual good movies

They done fricked it, hard.

Yeah I meant to dub that out of the script and then forgot.

@@CynicalReviews Mistakes happen. Much like the film itself. I have to say the most egregious part of the film is that the studio intentionally kept it far away from theaters near the area where the crime occurred showing they know how disrespectful it is. I even heard rumors (RUMORS. Take it with a grain of salt) that they were originally going to use news footage from the crime in the movie but ultimately decided to cut it out for obvious reasons.

Thank God

My main gripe is that they didn't even try. They clearly put no effort in. I'm pretty sure they chose Slender Man purely because it's one of the most well-known and recognisable creepypastas both among fans of the genre and outside observers, but they did absolutely nothing to build on it, and made a crap film, so nobody would be happy. What was even the point?

What was the point? Money probably.

They can't be making much money from this though. Surely. But I guess nothing should surprise me at this point.

Ultgamer cw if you're interested a helping hand has about 5 horror stories that are pretty decent. Completely random I know but I also used to be into creepypastas before they got all clickbaity and started having stupid titles

As long as the movie would be better than Channel Zero, that would have been exactly the same without Candle Cove involved and actually get the Candle Cove details right. JFC that made me so mad I'm still salty...

Right! Or wrapped in plaster or bandages or something

I just watched it, and while the movie is absolute garbage, I can see a couple of interesting themes plastered all over it: -a weird cult -technology that infects your mind like a virus -teen pregnancy(and maybe even child sacrifice) -mental illness -parental negligence And all of it was abandoned. I can tell by the short lenght, the wonky editing and last minute botched special effects. I theorize that one of the character was pregnant early on(weird love scene out of nowhere) and odd dialogue about a girl getting knocked up. And then Slenderman wants her child, hence the nightmare about the branches coming out of her belly. No wonder it's a mess: they Frankensteined this movie beyond recognition.😞

"Slenderman....what did you do?" "Taking a Walk in the Woods. At Midnight. Like you do." "And killing innocent Schoolgirls?" "VERY enthusiastic Walks in the Woods...."

It could’ve been scary cause he takes kids and mentally disabled people after psychologically torturing them. But it’s too late cause folks made porn and stuff about him after the games came out.

Exactly. Even when people say it's so bad and predictable that you can't get scared I still do. Jazz music was a life saver

I remember us playing it at my flat years ago, and watching you almost shit yourself! Yeah they could have done more to explore this character, but they didn't even try. Like a kid who did their homework on their way to school.

You're telling me it wasn't a parody?

@@PuffyBuffy25 it is now

*THHICK BOI*

Un-Scary Movie

@Lord Inquisitor Shadowlord yes

Alexander Chippel in another comment he admits he meant to dub that bit out but forgot

Now that would be terrifying

heliopyre Agreed

It does cross the line a bit, to be honest. I think that's why they chose to done down the violence, and from what I understand the studio was really not happy with the film or the fact that it was being made. What a clusterfuck.

It's not necessarily in the same vein, but Cabin in the Woods, another awful horror movie was so bad that the directors, writers, and producers wanted to give up on it, but the studio Lionsgate prodded them into believing it was a "good" movie and worth putting any amount of effort into. Another clusterfuck.

Disagree the creepypasta was bad... Or at least, there was a period where the story behind him was great, like an actual Internet boogeyman or campfire story, the concept was fun as well until he got overexposed and you got all the shit. Also people have killed over a LOT of things, should any of those concepts be abandoned just because of some mentally ill people? Nah, you can't let them ruin things for everyone... If I got killed by some dickheads wanting to, idk, appease Jason Vorhees or something I wouldn't want the horror icon to be shunned for the rest of time. Not defending the movie but I don't agree with your points.

The stabbing was not what kept it in memory, it was the games. They were iconic and that's what I remember slenderman for. You'd have to mention the stabbing for me to remember it

A true classic. Highly underrated film.

I was confused and thought you were excited over actual free parking spots.

That was true even for some old horror movies, like The Thing from 1982. "We shouldn't be alone with whoever is the copy? Let's go two and two or go off alone!"

It did not begin with thr baba yaga, it was when the creator won a Photoshop contest

i prefer tribetwelve

MrAndrewrock They should’ve just hired Marble Hornets to help with it.

Tbh I’d watch that, mostly because it’d be hilariously bad

Part of me cant believe that this film got made, because the movie industry is so out of ideas. That's no excuse for the clear lack of effort here though.

You're welcome, my friend. I wish I could have saved my money too!

Cynical Reviews Haha, well somebody’s gotta take one for the team 😂

I'll bet he likes a nice, thick trunk.

Thanks, buddy. I stumbled across your channel a couple of hours ago, and I'm going to watch the rest of your videos after I've finished what I'm doing right now.

Cynical Reviews Much appreciated, I too will be making my way through your content. See you in a different comment section...

Well when the competition is of this calibre, I don't blame you.

@@CynicalReviews honestly it's kinda sad the movie was this bad

It had some potential. It's not like its impossible to make a good film about Slender Man. They just didn't try.