Social Skill Secrets That Make You More Attractive 

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Here's the summary: 1. To be interesting, be interested 2. Use metaphors and storytelling 3. Say their name 4. Be attentive and listen 5. Find their "Golden Nugget" 6. Give a genuine compliment 7. Be relatable

"Say their name." Sometimes people can feel uncomfortable if they don't know or have forgotten my name. During our conversation, when I'm relating a certain humorous event, I work in a line such as this: "Then I asked myself, 'Tim what are you doing?'" That takes the pressure off of the listener to recall my name.

I have to develop my social skills, I've conquered my social anxiety and finally started talking to girls, if y'all need help with the first step, I have a video to help you make the move talk to girls, but now the next step is I have to improve my social skills so I can have more success, take it all one day at a time, I'll improve

You’re so close to half a million! Thanks Courtney for the videos, your info really helps.

Thank you Courtney for NOT making women feel bored, like I have heard SO many other female coaches say. They say NOT to JUST listen to what women have to say, but also throw humor or talk about what is around them.

Most important is being genuine. You're not being you if you're trying to be something that other people like. Acting out of integrity is never insincere.

I love the part when you warn against acting "super, zipped-up" during initial social interactions. Besides the fact that it is good advice, you also put it in a way that sounds funny. Getting people to loosen up through humor is usually a great tactic in facilitating conversation and attractiveness.

This is great information -- it really should be taught in school! I've had to get reasonably good at most of them in the last decade plus, not for dating reasons (I've been happily married for almost 33 years), but because I went into business for myself and the same conversation techniques work wonders when trying to encourage people to become your clients. You just taught me a couple of new things, but also identified a number of things I was already doing in conversation but never knew those things had names. You also cleared up something that had been a mystery to me: I had assumed that the women you've interviewed in your videos were personal friends, and since, as you said, birds of a feather tend to flock together, I had been wondering how it was possible for them to voice so many opinions that run counter to the values you promote on your channel. This makes much more sense to me now that you've stated that you actually didn't know these women prior to interviewing them.

I watch and relate in autoplay that I forget to like every post. Courtney thank you for helping me remember who I really am, even with my flaws only to improve in older age now 🤣 I'm a late bloomer.

I'm so glad I found this channel. Non biased and straight forward . There're so many channels either bashing the opposite gender or giving some BS advice that doesn't make sense .

Courtney Ryan thank you thank you thank you thank you you are a trail blazer and we need more women like you that tell the truth I had to go through some soul searching to realize that you are right about far more than you are wrong, caring and quite frankly you are a light in the darkness and I have never felt more at peace with my situation until now and I tell myself friendship is ok and tell myself these other things 1)enjoy being single while you are single and work on your self 2) don't give up and stay positive 3) build yourself and your partner up 4) don't be a basement person Be a rooftop person, that means don't bring people down bring them up 5) teamwork is key Thank you Courtney I do have Asperger's but I am working on myself and it is not where you start but where you finish. Keep it up Courtney and never stop helping people. Keep it 💯.

I'm quite an introvert, and socialising, while anxiety inducing, also drains my energy and makes me feel quite depressed.

This is ABSOLUTE GOLD!!!!👏👏👏 Applicable to all relationships. Spouse, significant other, casual friends and public people. Thank you for the tips and looking forward to applying these and day to day conversations 😀

Normally, I close myself off to the world and not accept most people for who they are and their flaws. But I feel that I have opened up a little after watching this video. Thanks Courtney. Love you.

I absolutely love metaphors. It's one thing I almost use to reaffirm my own explanation/story to myself as I hold a coversation with someone else. Plus I am a slight bit of a storyteller (as I'm told) because of both my wild and crazy ideas (that belong in a book) and my down to earth theories/thoughts that really should go into practice for a more positive world. So I'm told. However the dice rolls, I love speaking with metaphors more than trying to explain in language dedicated to whatever it is I'm explaining/describing because it's more fun and interesting (I think) as someone who could use something beyond the mundane to retain and truly understand the depth of whatever it is. Great video, by the way!

Excellent tips, and suggestions Courtney. Your last one is what at times makes some movies, and TV shows seem "unrealistic" as the characters ALWAYS know exactly what to say, since everything is of course scripted. They never struggle to find the right words, or response; they never hesitate or think whether or not they should say this, or that; no matter how uncomfortable they might be in the situation, etc. Very few people always know what to effortlessly say in every situation no matter how confident they might be.

Thank you Courtney for this excellent advice. I am actively taking notes on the most important takeaways from this video. I will be incorporating these social skill ideas into my own life soon.

Courtney, you are Outstanding with your Craft 👏🏾 As a much older man, the Topics,Opinions and Advice you give makes Logical Sense , because it took me a lifetime to learn those things! You don’t Bash Men or Women because of their behavior or Characteristics, of course their are Negative and Positive Traits and Personalities! You have a Keen Sense of Human Nature and I love that you back it up with Scientific Studies and Statistics!! You’re way ahead of your Time 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Courtney, I wish most people would learn about active listening. Listening is the most important part of communication. Most people listen to respond and not to understand. How I know if somebody is listening to me is paraphrasing, this lets me know that they understand or care to understand. Thank you and keep up the great work 😃

Thank you Courtney, sometimes you are so right on that it brings tears to my eyes. Thanks for being you.

Thank you Courtney Ryan For Posting this video about Social Media Secret that will make you more Attractive

This is going to be a great video because you'll find me often telling people on this channel and others that looks can open a door but they won't get you in or keep you in, you need to have people skills and mental fortitude AKA game and frame and your people skills are what can make you magnetic, especially if you are a funny guy

Thanks Courtney! My wife and I enjoy listening to you.

The day after I experienced a heartbreak, I went out to a karaoke contest and I sat with a girl, who turned out to be a local the entire time I was there (5 hours) and along the way, met friends of hers. And now we follow one another on social media! She even gave me a bit of advice on how to win these contests and go home with a championship belt lol!

Hey Courtney, you are creating so many good videos and i just want to thank you for making me better person!

Oh, believe me, I *always* give a genuine compliment. I would never lie & gossip and I absolutely hate giving insults. That's not who I am. Also, while I still struggle with people from time to time, I'm still working on my social skills every now and then.

Courtney, you are truly a paragon of excellence when it comes to dissecting behavior between men an woman. You set a shining exemplar for all to aspire towards. Your content recently is truly eye opening, and I hope your name is spoken with reverence and admiration by all who know it. Don’t want to exaggerate but you are truly a veritable hero, a beacon of hope and inspiration in an often dark and troubled world.

I thought you did a great job picking the women you've interviewed. A good variety of ages and viewpoints and also willing to talk on camera about tricky interpersonal issues. Thank you!

The name point is really a golden ticket. Very applicable. E.g. being waited on, if you say their name, the waiter/waitress is usually more spiffy and friendly with me so its better service (and for them a better tip so win-win).

Thank you, Courtney. As usual, very well done and very helpful advice. I think everyone needs to watch this video.

I really like the name and the golden nugget ones, I've heard variants of the two before. It's basically a psychological hack for imposing positive reinforcement. You're buttering the person up in an indirect way, I like it better than just showering the person with compliments because the intent comes across as more authentic.

Another great insightful and educational video. Thanks, Courtney! 🏆🏆🏆

Hi Courtney! I am feeling gratitude for all that I learn from your videos and I'll admit your presentation helps 🙂 I wonder if you would like to talk any about what internal (emotional intelligence-related) changes a person can do that will bubble up to auto-create the behaviors you mention here? I actually wrote a book on this called Practical Empathy. To be clear: If a person has concrete ways they can increase their awareness, acceptance, courage, confidence, curiosity, etc., then it follows that they will be super comfortable with people that they will automatically be more effective.

I know sometimes people will say being positive is not being realistic, even though I do understand the difference between an optimist and a pessimist as well as the value of being a realist, but being positive can also show the woman that you not only are emotionally intelligent, meaning you understand your emotions and you can control them, but it also can display to a woman that you are a problem solver, you are a solid rock, and she might not have to worry about having to deal with you and she has enough inside of herself to deal with. Just some food for thought

Watched a ton of your videos. Finally subscribed. Keep up the great work

Also, what you compliment people on shows what you value! I think people want to know your values but being too forward about it might be turnoff for some and complimenting people is a great way to show people what you value without spelling it out exactly. For example, I was seeing two guys recently. One thing ended and then started talking and seeing another guy and that ended because he was going through a lot of really hard stuff. I know that's a cop out for a lot of people but he was very forward with what he was going through and showed a lot of integrity by being so honest. ANYWAY, the first guy I was talking to, when it ended, he said that I was a gorgeous woman with a great personality but the spark wasn't there. And I felt the same. Or at least, I didn't think we were compatible. The second guy, we were so compatible and it left me feeling pretty bummed and I'm still getting over it. I felt like he was perfect for me. But when it ended he said "you're a great person, so smart and caring." And to me that expressed the difference between what they valued. One guy was just looking for a girl that he had fun with was physically attracted to. No shame but not exactly what I'm looking for. And the other guy essentially told me he valued intelligence and compassion and that is what I want and need in a partner! Great insight on that one, Courtney! I'll try to incorporate that.

You are getting really close to 500k subs which in my opinion is about 1/4th of where this channel belongs

The relatable one was fire as hell. I've never heard of that study before.

I do that a lot, whether they have a name tag or I learned their name, if I go into let's say Dunkin' Donuts a couple of times a week and I see the same girl that is always smiling at me touching her hair and asking questions, you can certainly see the impact via blushing when you say the girl's name. I am with you on this aspect 100%

Intensive cardio helps with my anxiety and mood. Anxiety increases my heart rate so with cardio I feel like my heart can better handle anxiety. Plus my mood has made my RBF go away too, which makes me look friendlier. Something about intensive cardio

thanks for producing quality content. I love the elegance and applicability of your information. Go buckeyes!

That was wonderful and Courtney: you are wonderful! Keep up the good work👍🏻!

Sometimes I'll repeat something the other person said or summarize what they told me to let them know I am listening to them. It also helps me process what they told me.

Great video, my biggest takeaway is "active listening "you said it right.

These 7 skills are the reasons I’ve never had an awkward, uncomfortable first date. Not all of my first dates lead to 2nd dates or more, but none of them were cut short or felt awkward. More than anything - be genuinely interested.

To make a long explanation short, as long as you don’t pull a Beavis and Butt-head when approaching women, you’re golden!

I would like to add that these skills are also used in sales, dating is selling yourself in a way, reading books on salesmanship can help. One thing thats easy to focus on is the WIIFM (whats in it for me) but for the other person. This does take empathy to figure out tho.

Awesome episode girl🤙🏽

One thing that helped me is to talk to many people when your out and about. Small talk with cashiers, etc. This helps get you out of your head and daily typical routine and you get practice. Practicing good eye contact, social cues when to start and end a conversation and so on.

I rarely use figurative language, specifically in the case of the point I’m trying to make, idioms. I usually get the phrase wrong 😂 but I notice it immediately when a person uses it in a conversation and it comes across naturally. So I do appreciate when someone uses phrases in their speech.

You are amazing at what you do keep up the good work God bless you this is my first time watching your videos and also subscribing to your channel lol 🙌🏽👸🏾👋🏾👸🏻

More than good, these are actually wise teachings from a wise person. Good job!

it is a well known fact that using a person's name gives power which can be used for good or bad like when a boss calls you it's much different than if they say hey you or just point at you, when someone uses my name I can feel it right off but if they are just asking me something without using my name I barely feel anything, also tones mild facial expressions when using a name can change everything

I hate talking about myself (unprompted) and is often a blocker for me in the getting to know each other phase. I feel like when I talk about myself I'm bragging and I don't like it. If someone is genuinely curious and asks me a question about myself then I have no problem talking about myself, but it leads me to my next issue. I hate being the center of attention and that often conflicts with attempts at being a good storyteller. If I'm in the spotlight, I'm often trying to get the key points across with no metaphors or detailed descriptions so I can pass the center of attention onto someone else. It's something I have recognized and slowly taking steps to become better at storytelling.

Thanks for this.. need to work on these

Love all of your videos Courtney! ❤️ Just wondered, is it twice a week you upload? 👍

High Value, High Efficiency Compliments must be genuine/honest as Courtney explains (if not, sooner or later they become "wicked boomerangs" when the truth is known) but also: Someone only really likes others COMPLimenting an specific trait (story telling skills for example) of him/her when he/she doesn't have it or he/she thinks he/she doesn't have it because we always want what we don't have or what we think we don't have. This happens because if we finally get what we don't have while keeping what we already have, we end up having more "things", we end up being improved, more COMPLete, better versions of ourselves. That being said if someone has something (money, beauty, wisdom, etc.) or thinks he/she already has it, it doesn't mean he or she will not want it anymore, it never hurts to have more and more money, beauty, wisdom, etc. but when someone already has one particular thing, he or she stops desiring, valuing it (not wanting, not needing to be COMPLimented about it) and will want (and work for) to have a different thing to be a more COMPLete person. If that's not possible that person at least will want (and work for) to be loved by someone who has the thing she or he lacks (a person who COMPLements him or her). If that's not possible that person will at least want someone who tell him or her that he or she has the thing which he or she lacks (will want to be COMPLimented about it). If that's not possible that person will be sad and unhappy and thanks to be so he or she will do something to try to get the thing she or he lacks (or at least get a COMPLiment). If that's not possible maybe someone will do something to give that person the thing she or he lacks or give him/her the means to obtain that thing by him/herself. If that's not possible that person remains sad and unhappy and well, we all know sometimes life just @@@. Another complete different thing it's why the hell we often think we don't have something we already have and why some times we think we already have something which actually we lack. As always, Einstein already knew the answer: Human Stupidity is Infinite. We must work hard to build a better education system which will make us, smarter, wiser and less stupid so we will be more efficent knowing what we really have and what we lack.

Be careful when you meet people who seem like they can relate to you when conversing with them. Narcissists use this tactic to win you over. I am not saying you should prevent that person from your life, but tread lightly until you can build some level of trust with that person. It takes about 100 hours of face to face time to build trust with a person. Which I completely agree with.

MUCH NEEDED!

One big epiphany for me was realizing even the most socially competent people make social mistakes all the time. The difference is they have an internalized understanding that mistakes are normal and most people understand this. Whereas socially anxious or unskilled people see mistakes as totalling to their experience. Socializing is a constant dance of calibrating and recalibrating in collaboration with others. And sometimes we step on a toe.

I've always looked at the first one like this: I already know what I'm interested in, so why not take an interest in what someone else thinks or how they see the world? I use my introversion to my advantage by letting people talk and just giving them my undivided attention and you usually get people to open up more and as a result they think you're the Dos Equis man all because you let them talk about themselves and asked follow-up questions to help further the conversation.

HEY COURTNEY!, CHEARS FROM VENEZUELA! THANKS FOR MAKE THIS VIDEOS, I MAY SAY THE ARE REALY USEFUL

Courtney, 🖐🏿🖐🏿👋🏿👋🏿 and ❤❤❤. I was upset that I missed watching your video few days ago, Courtney. I usually watch them right away.

Courtney Ryan's content to the world Greetings from SOMALIA

Forgot about the "Golden nugget" Lol Glad u reminded us 💯

Hi Courtney. I’m new to your channel and I love it. Just sub today. Anyway, do you have any dating advice for us older guys? (I’m 54) who want to get back in the dating scene and is looking for a committed relationship? I’ve been out of the “game” for years and everything has changed. Are dating sites any good? I don’t party. I don’t go to da clubs and drink. I like being at home after work. Any advice for us old guys who don’t “got game?” Thanks Courtney 🙏🏽

Courtney, I enjoy watching your videos! I totally agree with your dating tips! I just wish I could find a lady to practice what you teach! I’m in a bad part of the country to find a nice/attractive lady!

V.Helpful & Beautiful video's. Thx, Courtney - Excellent.

First tip is in a really good book I recommend for anyone. It's called "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie

Learning a skill definitely helps in social situations (like me learning piano)

Thx for info i really appreciate it.

That sweater really looks great on you Courtney. Perfectly suits your complexion, hair color, and figure.

Very well done!

In sales lingo the "Golden nugget" is also called the "sweet treat", and is used in almost all personal sales relations. ;)

My meetups used to garner about 50 people a night. Now barely 7 people show up lol I think people are just done with it all. One tip I can give you guys is, people don't remember what you said, they WILL remember how you made them feel! I'm not saying people please, just give genuine compliments or feedback on something that's important to them. On that note, this is something you can practice, whether you're out grocery shopping, going to a cafe, practice giving ONE genuine compliment.

Thank you 🙏

Read "How to win Friends and influence people" from Carnegie. Great book

Courtney,your voice is music to my ears..it is your golden nugget..but it can flow more if you meditate on your throat chakra and consume more ginger,lemon,green tea and spices like cinnamon and cardamom..then your words will flow like your hair..smooth and curly in motion..

If someone uses my name often it creeps me out. Also I have to say I am not very interested in other people. Don't really want to ask them out or even listen to them. Makes it really hard to be social.

What about humour? Especially the self deprecating kind. I've connected with tons of people this way. Ofcoarse I have to prioritize listening and not just making jokes. Courtney thanks for all your helpful advice.

God damit!!! I had to watch this video 4 times😁 Thats how good it was😀

Love your videos as usual you go straight to the point and you keep it real. Thank you.!👸🙏👏👏👏👏

A _very_ important aspect is also that you have to be interested in the right things. There are just some things that are popular these days, funny these days, trendy these days - if you're too far off you're gonna get perceived as weird no matter what..

Thanks big sis

I love your hair Courtney

Especially, if I did NOT recognize your face in a crowded area, Courtney, I would IMMEDIATELY know to address you by name, because of your voice. I am GREAT at recognizing voices. 😊

You need social skills to make it in life. Also I recommend a book by Dale Carnegie, How to win friends and influence people.

Also it's important to remember to engage the other person in the conversation. No one wants to listen to even the most fascinating story for 15 minutes. They should want to feel part of a conversation. Additionally, it should be relatable to them as best you can make it. You can have a fascinating story about underwater basket weaving but if it's a subject that they couldn't care about it won't help you at all. And the tip about being yourself is important. The person may be attracted to the conversation or they may not be. That's life. But the skills are still important to use. And if the person is really interested in you most of what you say isn't going to matter anyway.

Hey Courtney, would you say that stuttering on a word while talking to a girl for the first time would fall under being relatable and vulnerable, or would it be seen another way?

Could you hear my applause? My Win rig went down, so I'm on an Ubuntu Live box until the numbers are right. I play Sol on vids that rely on verbal content. The game on this distro ends every win with a quick round of applause. I held my final card 'til the last seconds, then sent you out on an ovation, brief but enthusiastic.

A good resource that covers many of the points you listed here is Dr Mark Goulston’s book Just Listen

I have to work on my social skills, there’s a girl I like but I struggle badly to get a conversation going and to keep it interesting, she’s a sweetheart and talks to me but sometimes it looks like she wants to hear me and I run out of things to say

I've purposely omitted someone's name, since I thought including their name would make the mood/feeling feel too strict and formal. I don't know if I am correct in doing this, but I feel including the name is largely on a case by case basis :)

Strange there some ambience distortion attracting another in the path of life that REALLY dims our individual lamp affect when there is such a misconstrued projection of limitations of what we can or can not do - as we block, detach, and detain the mind body and spirit sometimes in even self indulgences or sad greedily attacks wounding freedom of choice and speech to evolve instead centering oppression whether physical mental social anything of the bracket that values individuals in its totalitarian side. We don't look within our inner light enough; these content displays are really good!

You put in a lot of work to get the other women on the show That makes your interviews with them more impressive These aren't just your friends doing a solid for their buddy These are people from society who have no reason to be answering personal questions unless they want to Good job =)

I think that great conversation is a ..." two- way" street. If the person you're speaking with has the personality of a rock and needs to go to charm school, then it won't matter!.... Conversation is a dialog and NOT a monolog! Intelligence, charisma & humor help ALOT in exchanging ANYTHING with someone new. Some people are introverted and have very little social skills. Attitude ... being friendly and cordial helps to keep everything going. Remember that some people are standoffish and may take awhile to " warm- up".

Hey Courtney 😊good day. Your a cool woman. I really hope you have someone! As a disabled man you’d be a f’ing great therapist! Back in the day I used to pay good money for a therapist. She helped me in a lot of ways. I believe you can too! You have a good heart 💜

I don't have too much social anxiety but I just don't have topics to talk about. I know game, web, app development, art and coding which isn't a topic I can talk with some girl.

Women don't know what they want, they only know how they want to feel.