Tom Segura shares his views on some of the worst people in the world: parents who bring babies to the movies. Some people really do suck. Watch the full stand up comedy special "Mostly Stories” on Netflix. tomsegura.com/
_"If you bring a baby into a movie theater - you're a piece of shit."_ That line should be printed out and put beside the _"No smoking"_ and _"Turn off the cell phones"_ signs in movie theaters.
Before every movie, the cinema used to show pictures of crying babies with the caption, "Take your crying babies to the lobby.". My toddler saw the picture but couldn't read, so she asked me what it said. When I told her, her eyes got really big and she asked, "What do they do to them there?!!"
Repent to Jesus Christ “Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”” Matthew 4:4 NIV J
No not always. What about kids movies. Like the emoji movie, the incredibles, cars, scoob, movies meant for kids. I can understand adult movies, but kids love cartoons and movies and yes there are kids as young as 1 or 2 who enjoy kid movies. But definitely shouldn’t bring a baby to an adult movie.
@@enderdragoness546 I was going to say the same thing kids start to get some control by the age of 6 when they’re 3 they still talk like they’re drunk all the time
This is a rule in France! Their reason is that crying babies ruin the movie and stress everyone out (even parents) and also because kids under three don’t need that much screen time.
@Ponce Francia - I would have hired a plane to write it in the sky but not knowing where Molly lives makes that kinda pointless. Just like sky writing “Ponce Francia is an idiot” would be just as pointless cuz I’d never know if you would see it. On here though, you’ll definitely see it. Idiot.
Dude, I have never watched a movie peacefully in a movie theater. I thought going to the theater that served alcohol would be better because it's 18 and over. Turns out Adults suck too
Im not sure but ive never seen any theater that serve alcohol in my country. Its common knowledge here that drunks in public places are bound to make trouble
I have 3 kids, and I didn't once bring them to a theater before the age of 3. And if they couldn't behave, as 3 year often don't, then we left. They learned fast. Lol.
Typical behaviour of a single mom! lets be honest here lady....you did not take your kids to the movie thatre because you were there with a guy that invited you, thats why you didnt take your kids. And in those rare cases you did, well, pretty sure if one of them dared to even sneeze, that was enough for you to consider they were not behaving well, and rushed them back to the house, so you could be with the guy in turn back in to the movies.
I took my son to the theater for the first time when he was about 4 to watch Shaun the Sheep. Then I realized he isn't the kind of kid who can just sit still for almost 2 hours. So never again. Maybe when he is 10 lol.
You are a better person than me because I don’t think they’ll realize it because according to them it is their god given right and this is a free country. Unfortunately those same parents will raise the same type of people.
@@marcom6089 we do have rights and this is a free country, however you exercising your rights and freedoms cannot infringe upon other people’s rights and freedoms.
Well I'm a parent with the best intentions and a suitable home life but I still know people suck including myself. It's in our nature to suck. We have conformed to societal standards for so long and continually pushing those "norms" in different directions for so long that we as the human race forget we are nothing more than animals and sometimes, you just can't control the suck.
@@ibleedoranbla that doesn’t make sense. We have conformed too long to remember that we suck, so now we must accept we can’t control the suck? A lot of words to say that nowadays ppl do as they feel, whereas in the past, ppl used to care what others thought/experienced and were shamed if they didn’t. What changed, beats me. Consumerism, too much ads telling us we deserve stuff? That’s for other people to study. But “can’t control the suck”? Come on.
I remember when I was a teenager, the movie Hannibal came out (01 I think) and me and a buddy snuck in because it was easy back then. Well 30 min into the movie a baby started crying and out of nowhere in the rows above me some guy said, "Who the fuck brings a baby to see Hannibal!" That made my night.
When I saw Jackass 4 in theaters, there was a family of four in the front row. No babies, the kids were ~5-10, which when you think about it is even worse because they're old enough to understand some of what they're seeing.
Went to a screening of Inglorious Basterds where my friends and I watched with horror as not one but two young couples walk in with their demon spawns - four of them, all roughly between 5 and 10. To a Tarantino film. Technically not babies, but we looked at each other with the 'some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids' look. Sure enough, when the infamous under the table shoot-out scene in the inn is unfolding, these kids being screaming, while the two sets of parents had to shut the kids up while attempting to close their eyes so that the kids wouldn't be scarred for life. The crying went on for much longer after that scene. Some people do suck.
5 is a little young. 10 should have been ok for that movie provided the kid didn't have any existing emotional issues. That said, I doubt many kids under 10 would even want to see it.
"get it to shut up or get it out" is actually an acceptable thing to say in my book. i mean if you are taking a baby to a movie, they should have already left once it got fussy. . at least until the baby chills out.
I got a family a couple of seats besides me with their baby. It was the movie Annabelle, I'm not joking I wish it was a joke but they literally brought a baby to watch a horror movie! When the jumpscares scenes pops up, loud noises echo around the theater right? The baby was crying and her parents just sit there trying to calm her down while some people started throwing words like "shut her up or you get the hell out", the mother wasn't taking it and she was "Shut up! It's my baby". 20 seconds later someone throwing popcorn to the back of the parents non stop for 3 minutes and then they left. That guy was a hero that day
“Not being able to get a sitter” is no excuse to torture an entire movie theater with your baby/brat. (p.s. Chuck E. Cheeze serves liquor. You’re welcome). 😉
Especially when there's TWO parents! When my son was a baby and we wanted to see a movie, one of us would stay at home with the baby while the other went to the cinema. Fucking simple.
That's what I'm saying. He's so fucking funny, we all have seen this... multiple times. 😆 It doesn't get old though. I love his rage when he meets a stupid person. The bike repair chronicles were so great. Tom and Christina are my favorite people I don't actually know for sure.
My mom and dad went to see one of the Lord of the Rings movies when it was in theaters. A couple brought in their new born to see the movie. Rather than take the baby out of the room to calm it, they just kept giving it bottles every time it cried to keep it quite. Long story short, the baby threw up all over them because they never burped it between bottles.
My mother took all three of us to the theater when we were babies…. And if the baby started crying, she took it to the lobby u til the baby stopped crying.
I’m one of the lucky people who lives close to Alamo Drafthouse theaters, where not only are babies not allowed, but talking isn’t allowed. Therefore, I only go to Alamos.
@@Sasquatch64 They serve food and drinks in Alamos, so each seat has a table with paper and pens to place orders. If someone’s talking, you can write it on that paper and a server will come give them a warning. If the noisy people keep talking, they get kicked out of the movie without a refund. Alamo also has a whole video (usually with some celebrity) explaining the no talking rule before every movie.
Hackettstown movie theater manager rocks! Baby started moaning, staff person asked to keep the baby quiet or leave! Mum said sure 5 minutes later whaaaa! Manager shows up, asked them to leave they said no, he paused the movie turned the lights on and said “we can all wait for you to leave, everyone has at least two hours spare time invested in the movie, which I’ll turn back on once you leave” they left to a slow Clapp! And a few cheers for the manager!
I was on an overnight ferry, I was just getting to sleep when a couple with a crying baby sat down next to me. I moved and then they sat down next to me again, so I told them I was going to move and if they followed me, they would be swimming.
Why did they move to sit next to you after you had moved? Don't tell me, you are the father and the mother was following you with your baby and you weren't having any of it!
@@LordJuztice i once went to a completely empty theater with a date and we sat down. two other people came in after and sat right next to us. not even one seat apart. no one else in hundreds of seats and they did that. then they complained when my date and i were whispering quietly. some people suck
This reminds me of when my coworkers were talking about going to see a movie, and one of them with a two year old said "How could I go see a movie with my kid, I can't get a babysitter?" and I told her "Hey its easy, just get a bottle, fill it with Nyquil and you'll be good to go" she didn't like that
I hate to admit this but years ago I was staying with relatives in another state and they said "let's go see a movie". They had an infant child they brought to the movie. It cried the whole movie. I was both embarrassed and angry.
When I went and saw New Moon there was a drunk dude who was just so stoked to be there that I wasn't even mad when he went off like a sports fan every time something mildly entertaining happened
I would 100% patronize theaters that had hard "no kids under 10" rules for movies PG13 and above over ones that didn't, it breaks so much of the immersion in a theater to have some kid start being a little shit in the middle of a movie.
When I was in the military I remember a theater that had a kids section in the back that was walled in from the rest of the theater. Basically sound proof with their own sound system inside and a large window to look through. It worked great.
@Peter Evans Kind of a different dynamic now that studios have finally started putting movies out for streaming while they’re still in theaters, but before that you’d either have to wait a few months or throw on a potato quality cam rip
@@duckyuphere "I shouldn't have to try to figure it out" Stop being so cognitively lazy. English is my third language and I got it in 2 sec. And you are complaining? Jesus...
@@duckyuphere "Proper grammar", hah the word was just to hard for you. It has nothing to do with grammar. You patronize an establishment. That is 100% correct. You basically complained because someone didn't "lower" their English to your level. Which is ridiculous.
Dude your stories have given my wife and I such great moments of laughter for years now! Can't wait to see you live in the ATL again! Hearing stories on YMH, then see those stories get worked out live on stage and finally to watch it as a polished hilarious Netflix special is amazing. Very similar to Garth Brooks
I miss midnight releases. Those were always the best times. Everyone there was wasted and every group had a least one girl to smuggle booze in her purse. The entire thing was a party. I’ve never enjoyed a bad movie as much as I have on some of those nights hahaha
I thought it was a reference to ‘wifebeaters.’ I got a typo that said ’wifebesters’, by the way. Sounds like I defeated my wife in a game of chess (if I HAD a wife). DAMN touch screen typos! 😝
He didn't see a guy in a white t-shirt pop up, he literally saw a white t-shirt pop up. Clever way of insinuating the dad was black since all he could see was the t-shirt.
My favourite part about this bit is that in the second movie he says he is emotionally invested in it. Then ends it with “I’m not getting my ass kicked over the legs movie”. Brilliant writing.
Used to be a projectionist years back. The cinema I worked at had great option for those with babies. Sessions specifically for parents with babies, was called Babes in Arms. Audio not as loud, lights up slightly. The parent could go and enjoy a movie and not worry about disrupting other peoples movie experience.
I like how he tactfully and oh so carefully gave us the image of both of the "people that suck" to our minds. We know exactly who he meant on both occasions! lol
Some people are just funnier in free flowing conversation. I'm not crazy about his standup but when tommy Buns face lights up like a true psychopath at people getting hurt. That shit gets me going
It happened when I was watching star wars:attack of the clones. At one point I thought the baby was choking and wondered if they would take the baby out and see to it's health.
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I remember hearing this a long time ago, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember what comedian it was so I always felt kinda bad when I would quote this but had nothing to attribute it to (and I work in the ER, so I have the chance to say it a lot) but this randomly popped in my feed thankfully so I’m honestly not sure how I could have considered it being anyone else BESIDES Tom Segura lol this phrase actually helped changed my outlook on interacting with shitty people 😅
I always liked Erik Griffin’s bit about babies in movie theaters. Happened to me once. First time I saw Infinity War, dude brought his whole family and extended family. But the baby was the loudest, especially during the quiet parts. Everybody was giving him the evil eye until he got up to go outside. I don’t know if he came back or not but there were no more baby noises. If you can’t find a babysitter, see the movie another day. Do not bring your baby to the movies.
@@VHale-yz7hc I agree. But the ego stuff starts when people have babies to begin with. I haven't seen a single couple in my lifetime deserving of being parents.
I used to have customer service type jobs. Its great when you get broken and just don't care anymore. I kinda miss it sometimes. You guys ever get a job just so you could quit it?
This is a strange comment but I guess there's some truth in it. I've never had a job to 'get broken' but I've definitely had jobs which I knew had a short lifespan... Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
I knew a guy that submitted a bug report for a software for years and that shit went on uncorrected forever. So he started applying a job interviews and got hired. On the first day in his job, he fixed the bug, sent the corrected software into release and gave his boss his two-week notice.
I can relate. Theaters should definitely refuse babies inside. It just makes sense. I used to work at an upscale restaurant that did not allow anyone under 18 in. We had people trying to bring babies and children in occasionally , even though the party was informed when making reservations that they were not allowed. They always responded with " it's just a baby". Exactly - under 18 - part of the appeal of our restaurant is they will not be disturbed by crying, noisy, smelly, messy kids.
